The Bradshaw Bunch (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Terry Is in a Jam - full transcript

- Watch this ball.
Watch your back.

He's looking down the field.

He dodges and sets. He comes up.

He finds Zurie down the field.
He fires to Zurie.

Zurie runs away from the ball.
Oh, it's scooped up!

- Well, I don't know
where it's gonna land.

- Do you know I'm the most
watched football commentator

on television?

- Doesn't move the needle.

- "Doesn't move the needle"?

Where'd you learn
to talk like that?



I watch a lot of YouTube.

Fire it in here. Nice.

You know, when your mom
came into the family,

she's like the son I never had.

I mean a real athlete.

I could see a lot of that
in you.

Good catch. Nice.

- She's extremely...
- Competitive.

- Do you... yeah, you know
about that, huh?

- Could my mom catch a football
better than you?

- Hey, Pappy is a superstar.

I'm a legend. I'm an icon.

Don't ever forget that.

- If it goes over you,
you have to give me $1,000.



- Okay.

Oh,.

- Oh, my God.
Look at your teeth.

- No, those are my teeth.
They don't switch the teeth.

Those are my teeth.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Whoa.
- At least my teeth are real.

- Mine are real. Real veneers.

All right, so what
do y'all think?

Noah's birthday's coming up,

and I've got a little surprise
for him.

- Tell us.

- I get to announce next week's
Monster Truck Jam.

- Ooh, that's fun.

- It's where they race
those big, giant trucks.

They might even let me drive.

- When are we going?
What do we wear?

- No, it's a guys' night out.

- Just take him
to, like, teppanyaki.

He'll be fine.
Take us to Monster Jam.

The boys are out. We're going.

- We raised our girls
to be badass girls.

Lacey's our athlete.

- I had no doubt
Lacey would be into it.

Yeah. It's dirt and trucks.

- It's 2020.
Women like dirt too.

- Yeah, I wanna go.

- Of all the kids,

I'm shocked that you
wanna go to Monster Jam.

- I don't even know
what Monster Jam is.

- Exactly.

- We're going to Monster Jam.
- Whoo!

- Hey, I'm down with it.

I'ma tell you right now,
I am walk MF.

- What?
- I am walk MF.

- Woke, I think.

- Woke.
- And AF.

- AF.
- Woke AF.

- Hey, hey, hey,
I was almost there.

Almost... hey.

- Do you know what AF means?
- No.

- So you're woke as.

- Oh, no. Are you serious?

- Yeah.
- Hey, I'm rad.

- He may not be up
with the times,

but he is an awesome dad
for getting us all the hookups.

- Super Bowls, trips, yeah.
- Movie premieres.

- Our husbands are
gonna be so jealous.

- Oh, I know.

Oh, I got my outfit
all picked out.

- Me too.
- Me too.

- Lots of leather.
- "Lots of leather"?

God, we're not going
to a strip club.

- Stop!
- Only Dad...

- That's gross.
- My God.

- Tammy! Door is locked.

Hey! - Hey, what?

- Let me in.
I gotta go to the bathroom.

Come on, babe. Let me in.

- Show me your best moves.

- What do you mean
my best moves?

- Do a dance.

- Let me in.
- Can you do the floss?

What's wrong with you?

Let me in!

God, you've lost your mind.

- Stomp, stomp, clap.

- Up, cross, up.
One, two, three.

Stomp, crisscross.

- I even have my stomping off.

- I'm always drunk at a bar
when we do this,

so you're just like...

- You don't care
what you look like.

- You just turn around
and keep going.

- Here we go. One...

- What are you doing?
- We're dancing.

- I don't know how to do
any of the line dances,

so I asked if she'd teach me one

so I can really fit in here.

Stomp!

Texas is all about line dancing,

so now that I'm considering
moving from Hawaii to Texas,

I need the girls to help me
get my Texas groove back.

- I think it's gonna take
more than one lesson.

- It might.
- Hey, I'm woke.

- Who taught him
all those words?

- I'm really, really stoked
to be here

to like do this kind of thing
with you guys.

- I know.
It's fun having you here.

- I know.

Coming into the Bradshaw family
was certainly an experience.

When my mom met Terry, I was 11,

and me and Erin
are the same age,

and so, it's just like
putting two people together

and saying, "Hi, you have
to be friends."

That's not necessarily
gonna happen overnight.

Rachel and Erin are so close.

I wondered if they even
wanted another sister.

I mean I know it's gotta
be hard to share your dad,

and so, I think there's
always been like

some, of course,
sibling rivalry.

I think my first memory of Erin

was like every time
that you would come over,

you'd throw the door open
and storm through the house.

"Where's my dad?"

I'm like,
"Cooking some eggs, okay?"

- Sounds about right.

- Yeah, but I was like,
"Oh, God.

He's over there.
He's over there."

- We've had times where maybe
we weren't the nicest to Lacey.

She's like the tomboy,

kind of like the son
dad never had.

Dad and Lacey, they would,
you know, they'd play catch

and just do things
like that together

where'd sometimes I'd feel like
I almost felt left out maybe.

I'm excited that all of us girls

are getting to go
to Monster Jam.

I feel like the more
we can hang out,

the more we can all bond,

but the best part is
we can mess with dad.

Dad's the best to mess with.
- I can hear you!

- Whoa. Whoa!

Oh, my God!

- Dad.

- That guy's amazing.
- Whoo... oh!

- That guy's not a guy.

- Sure, I'm Terry.
- Hi, Terry.

- Hi.
- Hi, nice to meet you.

- I mean not only
am I hosting the event,

but the Monster Jam folks
want me to drive a truck.

Now, how do you turn that down?

- I don't know what
the big deal about Pappy is.

I mean I'm a lot cuter.

I'd just like to feel the power.

- I think we should race.
- Me and you?

- Yeah, father-daughter.
- Sweetie.

- Sweetie, come on.
I've got four Super Bowl rings.

- What does that mean?

That doesn't mean you're good
in a truck race.

- Wait, what's the prize?
- What's the prize?

Bragging rights. - I'll babysit.

- All right.
- I'm taking you out.

- She can bring her A game,
and I'd tell you what,

Papa here can drive a truck.

- You're not gonna be nice
and let her win?

- Oh, no. I'll take her out.

May the best one win.

Hey, girls, no matter
what happens, I love you.

- The truck's that way.
- Oh.

- You need this.
- You gotta have your helmet.

- Oh, yeah, I'm all right.
I'm all right.

- Whoo!
- Now it's serious.

- What is this stuff?

- Well, if you're gonna drive
these Monster Jam trucks,

we gotta get you
in some safety gear.

Safety's number one. - Right.

- Of course helmets.
This is a fire suit.

- Things catch on fire?

- No matter what, we're
gonna make sure we're safe.

- He didn't answer the question.

- "Truck catches on fire.

They tried to get to him.
They heard him screaming."

- It's gonna be all right.
We get to practice before.

We're doing a whole test drive.

They're gonna tell us
how to do it.

Very rarely do people die.
- That's your pep talk?

- Yeah, most likely,
we won't die.

- "Most likely."

Oh, that makes me feel
much better.

"I'm on fire.
I'm on fire. I'm on fire."

Not funny. - Oh, my.

- Brake is on your left,
gas is on your right.

That's all you need
to worry about.

No clutch. No... just like a car.

- You're ready
for our test drive?

- I was born for this.
Born ready.

But, Lacey, you can go first.

- You're gonna listen to her?

- Yes.
- Okay.

- Okay, just go ahead
and put it back in gear.

- She just floored it
right now. Ooh!

- Hard hit.
- Whoo-hoo.

- Whoo.
- I love Lacey.

I mean she's my daughter,
and I'ma take her out.

I'm gonna destroy her.

- Well, I'm pretty sure
you guys are on the same page.

- Good. Bring it on, Lacey.

- That's awesome.
- Good turn.

- Honestly, she's done the best
out of anyone I've ever seen.

- Good job. Fantastic.

- Oh.
- Well, that looked easy.

- You're the worst liar.

- Yeah.
- You ready for this?

- "I remember when I first
started racing here.

Ooh, go back five,
six years now."

- You always get real chatty
when you're nervous.

- I'm real nervous.
- You're real chatty.

- No reason to be scared.
- I'm not scared, Tom.

- You got this.
- Got it.

Hey, girls, no matter
what happens, I love you.

- All right, we love you too.
- Love you.

- Go get them.
Go get them, monster.

- Okay.
- Truck's that way.

- Oh.
- You need this.

- You gotta have your helmet.
- You gotta have that.

- Oh, yeah.
I'm all right, I'm all right.

- I would not even climb
in that thing.

- Oh, my gosh, you have
to climb under?

Oh, my God.

This is probably
the hardest part.

- Whoo.
- Is that it?

- Yeah, foot stop...
A little higher.

There you go. You got it.

- When is he gonna go?

- He's like a spry little kid,
isn't he?

- Oh, oh. Almost.

- Oh, my God. Whoo-hoo.

- There you go. You did it.

- I don't even have
a steering wheel.

- I'll get you one.

- Hey.

Hey. - Yeah?

When I couldn't get up
in the seat,

all of that started saying,
"If something happens,

how am I gonna get out?"

Seriously, can I take just
for a second?

- Go on.
- I'm hyperventilating.

- Yeah, take it off.
- Take it.

- Is he trapped?

- What's going on?
- I don't know.

I hope he's okay.

- I'm hyperventilating.
- Yeah, take it off.

- Take it.

- I just heard him yell.

- You're good. One second.

There you go.

Take it off.

- Tammy.
- Yeah?

- I can't do this.
I can't do this.

- Okay, we're done.

He's done.
- I got claustrophobic.

Ooh, let me get my air.
- Hey, hey.

Just take slow, deep breaths.
- Yeah, he's doing all right.

- Do you need some oxygen?
- No.

- Are you sure?
- Yes.

I couldn't get in here,
so I started thinking,

"If I can't get in here, how
am I gonna get out of here?"

- You'll get out.
- You know what I mean?

For Dad to have a panic attack,
that's super scary.

And you got a lot
of people watching you,

and you know, think about it,

you got people that
are so starstruck.

Like, everybody knows who he is.

I can't imagine being him
and, like, if you're going

through something difficult
in public

and you can't escape from that.

- "Oh, I saw
Terry Bradshaw today.

By the way, he was having
a panic attack."

- God forbid, he can be
a real human being.

- Right.
- There you go.

There's the ground.
There you go.

- It's all right.

- I couldn't move my neck,
couldn't move anything.

And hot. I couldn't breathe.

Look, I'm competitive,
all right?

And there's 60,000 people in
the stands gonna be watching.

I wanted to kick her ass.

I got a freaking panic attack.

- I thought you were, like,
this big football star.

- Hey.
- You just took a shot at me.

You little punk.

- Pappy, how could you be
scared of this thing?

- Well, it's a monster truck.
It's...

- Look at it.
It doesn't even run by itself.

You have to push it, and...

Ah, you got me.

- I've got an idea so
we still have a family race.

Rachel, Erin, one of y'all
go up against Lacey.

Which one of y'all wanna do it?

- I'm okay.
- No?

- Absolutely not.
- I'll give you 100,000.

- Ooh.

- What, none of them
want to race?

Come on.

- You can't even drive it

and you're gonna pawn it off
onto one of the girls?

They won't have a panic attack.
- Oh.

Erin, will you do it?

- I'm not getting in that thing.

- Lacey got in it.
- What?

- I mean really Dad, you're
gonna throw Lacey in my face?

I love to have fun,

but the idea of driving
that truck... I don't know.

It's just crazy.
I need to think about it.

- I'm a horse rider.

Unless it's got four legs,
I'm out.

- It's got four wheels.

- Hey! What can I say?

Let's go right there, dude.

The test drives are over,
and I'm still feeling bummed.

You know what it is?

It's just a little bit
embarrassing.

- All the things you've done
in your life,

and that's what embarrasses you?

- Maybe some dinner'll
make you feel better.

- Hey, when I'm in that truck,

I'd have a heart attack,
wouldn't I?

Would I die?

- You wouldn't die,
but you would definitely...

You'd probably pass out, yeah.

- Yeah, I'd pass out.
Anyway, that's embarrassing.

- Well, it's nothing
to be embarrassed about.

You have no control over that.
- Yeah.

- It happens
to all kinds of people...

- I think you were very brave.

- Yeah, just to get in there
is great.

- Yeah.
- Anyway...

- Someone's gotta
take your place.

- Rachel...
- I can't freaking do it.

I got rods in my back. - Tammy?

- Don't look over here.
- Erin?

- I'll do it.
- Ooh.

- It's gonna be a good race.

- I'm really not worried
about Lacey.

I guess she's super competitive,

but I gotta prove to everybody

that I'm just as badass
as she is.

- Kind of bummed 'cause I was
looking forward to beating you,

but that's all right.

Just know that
I'm still gonna win.

It's gonna be good.

- Arlington!

- Hey, TB.
- Dad!

- This... is...

Monster Jam!

- Will you buy me
a monster truck, please?

- You want a monster truck?

We gotta get a sponsor.
Those things are expensive.

Who can we get to sponsor it?
- Mommy has a credit card.

Oh, now we're in good shape.

- Nice seats you guys got
over here.

- Oh, hi! Come on in.

- I missed you!

- Hey, guys, we got something
to tell you.

- What?
- We're driving.

- In one of these trucks?
- Yeah.

- Noah...
- That's a terrible idea!

- How do they get to drive
and we don't get to drive?

- Have you ridden
with her before?

- I'm gonna be great at it!

- You better win.

- You got this.
You're a champion.

- So how nervous are you
for Monster Jam?

- Like, on a scale of 1 to 10,
I'd say I'm, like, a 9.

What about you?

- I'm like a 7.
- A 7, okay.

I'm like a 6. - A 5.

- Three-ton machines,
60,000 fans.

I'm not nervous at all.

- Goodness.

- Arlington, make some noise.

Let's see a daughter
versus daughter competition.

These two sisters will be racing

the head-to-head
against each other.

- My God, I'm gonna throw up.
I really do.

I hate this.

- Arlington, make some noise.

Let's see a daughter
versus daughter competition.

These two sisters will be racing

the head-to-head
against each other.

Representing the Whiplash truck,

the daughter
of Terry Bradshaw, it's Lacey.

- You're like an old pro, kid.
- Thanks.

- And representing
the Monster Jam truck,

the daughter
of Terry Bradshaw, Erin.

- Hey, Scott.

- I got 10 bucks that
Lacey takes this.

- Just remember the power's
already on.

You just gotta turn the fuel on.

- Turn this up and hit my start.

- Yes, ma'am.

- I did not get to practice
in any way, shape, or form

like Lacey did,
so at this point,

I'm just hoping for the best
and hoping that

literally I don't die
or run the car into the ground.

- The clutch.

- Oh, they're cranking.
- Oh, my God almighty.

- Oh, that's Lacey.
You would know she's fired up.

Let's go, Erin.
- Hope for the best.

- Dude, I'm so nervous
for them, dude.

- All we have to do
is go around once.

- Exactly, you cross
your finish line, I cross mine.

- Correct, without tipping over,

catching on fire, crashing.

- In front of 60,000 people.

- It's fine.
- But is it?

I don't know.

Go, go, go!

Go, go!

- Go!
- Oh, my God!

- Whoo.

- Oh, my God!
- Go!

- Oh, my...

- Holy!

- Your winner representing
the Monster Jam truck,

Erin.

Arlington, let's hear it
for Erin and Lacey.

- You guys was hot out there.
Wow.

- You won by a mile.

- Damn it.

It's really disappointing,
but she won fair and square.

She drove like a badass.

Oh, my God! You won!

- Whoo, I did it!

We've always been competitive,

but I feel like it's
all in good nature,

but at the end of the day,
I still won.

But you know, I'm happy that
we got to do it together.

- Wow, you got it.

When you came down here

going 100 miles,
I was, "Oh, my God."

- Hi, babe. Nicely done.

- Yeah.

- Is that their race?
- It's so cool.

I cannot believe y'all did that.

I would have a heart attack.

- My car was much slower.

- Oh, hey.
- Wow!

- I didn't know
you guys were here.

- Do you have
your victory gown on?

- Champion, I am.

- So what's
with the wedding gown?

- Because today's the second
most important day

of your life?

- Absolutely.

- I'm just basking in it.

- Basking or flaunting?
What's it gonna be?

- You know, Noah?
I'm just not sure...

- Everybody's gotta
win one sometime.

- Hey, I'm really just excited
I still fit in this dress.

Each of us girls has
something different

in common with my dad.

For Lacey, I feel like
her common ground

with him has always
been playing sports.

So I am so happy that I won.

I proved that I can hang
with the best.

- I really hate losing,
but I'll tell you what.

It was a fluke.

- Like so, it was
for sure a fluke.

- It was emotional
watching you two.

It takes a lot of courage
to get out there and do that.

You don't get anywhere in life

unless you take one step
forward and try something new.

You wanna know a little secret?

I didn't have a panic attack.
- Really?

- Mm-mm, I planned it all along.

- You faked all that?
- Faked it.

You know why I did it? - Why?

- So that Erin and Lacey
would compete,

and it would help bond them

even more than what
they already are.

- It's a great idea, but I
don't believe it for a second.

- Why would you ever
preserve your wedding dress?

- Well, you may need it again.

Oh.