The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 9, Episode 21 - The Viewing Party Combustion - full transcript

I have a question
about Batman.

Batman is a man
who dresses up like a bat.

Man-bat is a part man,
part bat hybrid.

Now,

if Man-Bat dressed up as a man
to fight crime,

would he be Man-Batman?

No, he'd be Bat-Man-Bat.

But wouldn't Man-Batman
just be a Batman

that was bitten by
a radioactive man?

But Batman is a man.

You're talking about a man who
would have the powers of a man.



That's just Man-Man.

Well, isn't Man-Man just Man?

But what if Man-Man
dressed as a bat?

Well, that's just Batman.

No, if a man dresses as a bat,

that's Batman,
but if Man-Man dresses as a bat,

that's Batman-Man.

(cell phone chimes)

So does that answer
your question?

Oh, I haven't asked it yet.

Oh, that's Claire.
Got to run.

I thought you were back
with Emily.

Uh, actually I'm...
seeing both of them.

You mean like through their
window from behind a bush?



No, I'm actually dating
two women.

Later.

(chuckles)
Really?

The guy who for years
couldn't even talk to women

is suddenly going out
with two of them?

How is that possible?
WOLOWITZ: I know.

Scientists have tried
to reproduce it

with computational models,

but, in each case,
the world blows up.

Seriously, that guy's
dating two women?

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 9x21 ♪
The Viewing Party Combustion
Original Air Date on April 2

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

What, why did you get
a party sub?

People are coming over;
it looked fun.

Well, we're only watching
Game of Thrones.

A party sub implies
it's a party.

Your attendance implies
it's not.

I like a party
as much as the next man,

as long as the next man
doesn't like a party.

Oh, by the way,
don't forget,

tomorrow is our quarterly
Roommate Agreement meeting.

Oh, Sheldon, we don't
need a meeting

every three months.
Hmm?

Well, it sounds like the kind of
thing one would bring up

at a quarterly
Roommate Agreement meeting.

Lucky for you it's tomorrow.

Oh, you know what?

I'm not going.

Well, you have to go.

It's Penny's first time leading
the Pledge of Allegiance.

This meeting is a waste of time.

Whether we make the switch

from Post Raisin Bran
to Kellogg's Raisin Bran

should not require
parliamentary procedure.

You realize one of them
has sugar on the raisins.

You're the only one
who eats them!

And yet you get to weigh in.

Democracy... it's pretty cool,
isn't it?

I'm not going;
you can't make me.

Well, we'll just see about that.

What is the problem?

He says he's not coming

to the Roommate Agreement
meeting tomorrow.

Well, why the hell did
I memorize the Pledge?

You have fun.
I will not be attending.

Oh, fine.
We don't have to have

a Roommate Agreement meeting
if you don't want to.

- Thank you. - Of course,
it will require a vote.

Unfortunately, my official gavel
is in my bedroom,

but luckily,
I have my travel gavel.

You're being ridiculous.

There's a motion on the floor,
"I'm ridiculous."

Do we have a second?

Hmm? Hmm?
There is no second.

The motion is denied.

Next time, make sure
you have the votes first.

That was embarrassing.

Can you please
talk to him?

Well, why are you
fighting him on this?

Because I am tired of him
always getting his way.

We don't need a stupid meeting.

We don't even need
a Roommate Agreement,

and I hope that sandwich
does cause a party!

Well, I will still
come to your meeting.

Well, I should hope so.
Tomorrow's picture day.

Why are you
taking his side?

Because it's
important to him,

and when we signed the Roommate
Agreement, we made a deal.

Y-You keep talking like that,
you're gonna make color guard.

(video game sound effects
over TV)

Man, I'm worn out.
I know.

Imagine if we were
actually moving.

No, it's just, ever since I
started dating Claire and Emily

at the same time,
it's exhausting.

You're exhausted?

Try folding every five pages
in a pregnancy book

so your wife thinks you read it.

But, dude, you're so lucky.

Getting to stay home at night
with the woman you love.

I guess I am lucky.

You are, because
dating two women,

I mean, I can't even remember

the last time I slept
in my own apartment.

I wake up and I'm like, "Am I at
Claire's or am I at Emily's?

Is there a third girl
I've forgotten about?"

Like...

"Where am I?"

Hey, Raj.

Hey, how's the mommy-to-be?

Good. A little tired.

I feel you. I've been
dating multiple women.

You sure you don't
want to come

watch Game of
Thrones with us?

You guys have fun.

I'm just gonna snuggle up
in bed with a book.

Oh, that sounds great...
a bed to yourself.

Can't even remember
what that's like.

Are you up-to-date
on Game of Thrones?

Mm, I think so.

Dragons, snow zombies,
and all the hot guys are dead.

Oh, I don't know.

Theon Greyjoy
looks pretty good

for a guy who had his
genitals cut off.

(singsongy): Uh-oh,
somebody's still pouting.

Leave me alone.

If it's because
you lost a stick,

I know where it went.

Not funny.

You know you're gonna
make up with him.

Can we just skip to that part?

Oh, of course, because
I'm the only adult around here.

Really? The only adult?

Yeah, that's right.
SHELDON: You know, excuse me.

Tonight I'll be watching
a show rated M.A.,

and that stands for
"Mature Audiences," buster.

All right, you would
think "the only adult"

wouldn't let something silly
ruin our entire night.

And I'd think you'd understand
why I'm annoyed.

All this could be avoided if
you'd just come to the meeting.

I don't want to.

Oh, it's just a meeting.

One simple meeting.
Stop saying "meeting"!

♪ Meeting, meeting, bo-beeting ♪

♪ Banana-fana, fo-feeting ♪

♪ Fee-fi mo-meeting... ♪

I brought
my famous spinach dip.

Yo, Amy, just one second.

♪ Meeting. ♪

I'm not sure if I'm hoping
for a boy or a girl.

I mean, if it's a boy,

I'm gonna have to teach him
to play catch.

(chuckles) Which means
I'm gonna have to Google

"How to play catch."

If it's a girl, I mean...

they're so innocent and...
you know how guys are.

Totally, guys are the worst.

I mean, look at me.

I let Emily make me a frittata

and I kept the leftovers
in Claire's fridge that night.

I'm such a dog.

There you go again.

I'm sorry, have I been
complaining about it too much?

Actually, what you're doing is
pretending to complain,

but really trying to brag.

How could you say that?

(imitates Koothrappali): "Oh,
I wish could enjoy a cup of tea

without a naked girl
bouncing up and down on me."

I never said that.

"Don't you hate it when you
can't remember whose bra it is

you found wedged in your couch?"

Okay, that I said.

But that's a real problem!

You give a girl
another woman's bra,

and you will not be
having sex with her that night.

Maybe the other girl,
but not her.

What's going on with him?

Oh, he's all
bent out of shape

about having
a Roommate Agreement meeting.

Apparently, perfect attendance
isn't cool anymore.

Don't worry,
he'll come around.

Well, I get why he's annoyed.

Well, then you don't
understand what's happening.

See...

Leonard refused to participate

in a mandatory quarterly
Roommate Agreement meeting.

This is what a generation raised
on Bart Simpson looks like.

You love The Simpsons.

I love Lisa Simpson.

Well, I know how he feels.

I never enjoyed our
Relationship Agreement meetings.

(gasps) Wait.

You were pretending?

Sorry.

No!

I don't believe you.
I could tell.

"Oh, Sheldon,

"I never thought

"re-filing a matter

in a standing subcommittee
could be so fascinating."

Hmm, what do you think?

You don't know?

Hey, did I say
something to upset you?

No, I'm fine.

Really? Because usually
we walk side by side,

and I just went up
two flights of stairs

staring at your bottom.

Just drop it.

Okay, I think I see
what's happening here.

You're jealous of me.

Oh, please.

What could you possibly have
that I would be jealous of?

It's not what I have, it's how
many people I'm having it with.

Come on, Sheldon, we'll watch
Game of Thrones over here.

- Gladly.
LEONARD: - Oh, good, go.

You know, it'll be nice

to watch an episode
without someone saying,

"I read the books.

Don't get too fond
of this character."

It's not always
because they die.

In one case, it's because
they've become involved

with underground tree people
from the dawn of time.

Yeah, but I won't
say who it is.

It's Bran!

Wait, what is going on?

Leonard's being a jerk,
so we're gonna watch over here,

Do you guys want
to watch with us?

As long as I don't
have to watch with him.

Fine, I don't want to
watch with you either.

I'll go over here.

Why do you get to pick?

Okay, then you go there!

Don't tell me where to go!

Howard, just come in here.

Yeah, come on, Raj.

Wait, did Amy make
her spinach dip?

She did.

And I'm gonna eat it all!

(door slams)

So what the hell happened?

Oh, I just ran out of patience
with Sheldon's nonsense.

Tell me about it.
I've had it with Raj, too.

You know, like women, men have
a monthly hormone cycle.

Dips in testosterone
can cause irritability.

Interesting.

Maybe my male cycle synced up
with Raj's actual period.

If Sheldon's testosterone
dipped, he'd become a butterfly.

(knocking on door)

Oh.

Maybe someone's here
to apologize.

Hey, Leonard.

Stuart.

Uh...

Is this not a dress-up party?

No.

Was it ever a dress-up party?

No.

Howard, didn't you tell me
it was a dress-up party?

Yeah. (chuckles)

(knocking on door)

I was told this is where to go
if I'm mad at Howard.

May I take your cloak?

Thanks.

This thing kept getting caught
in the chain of my bike.

Well, I'll catch you up.

Uh, Penny is angry at Leonard,
Leonard's angry at me and Penny,

I'm angry at Leonard and Amy,

Raj is angry at Howard,

and I'm angry
at George R.R. Martin

'cause there are no new books
for me to spoil for Leonard.

So what happened
with you and Howard?

Says I was talking too much

about dating Claire and Emily,

and I accused him
of being jealous.

I'm jealous.

Closest I've come
to dating two women

was that time I dated one woman.

I don't know how
you put up with it.

He's impossible.
I mean, holding a meeting

to decide what
breakfast cereal we should buy.

Yeah. Cap'n Crunch
with Crunch Berries, move on.

Anyway, Amy, thank you
for sticking up for me.

Oh, I honestly
couldn't care less.

Sorry?

Well, I just took your side
'cause sometimes I get annoyed

at how close Sheldon
and Penny are.

Well, they argue all the time.

They aren't that close.

Who's always comforting
him when he's upset?

Penny, but...
Who's the only one

who can make him take his
medicine when he's sick?

I try to hide it
in his peanut butter,

but he spits it out.

Okay.

And did you know she
has him add things

to the Roommate Agreement
so she can get her way

and not fight
with you about it?

Son of a bitch.

(laughs)

Why is that funny?

I don't know.
I like the pain of others.

(laughs)

Oh, well,
then you'll enjoy this.

Bernadette does the same thing
with you and Koothrappali.

No, she doesn't.

She defends him all the time.

She does not.

Who told you
to stop making

all those Gandhi
jokes about him?

Well, she did.

And human resources.

Who do you think
told Koothrappali

to go to human resources?

Son of a bitch.

(laughs)

You're right, it feels good.

All right,
it's almost game time.

Get it?

Game of Thrones, game time?

Two women, huh?

(Game of Thrones theme
playing on TV, knocking on door)

Oh, perhaps it's Amy
coming to her senses.

(music stops)

- What's up?
- You know,

you don't need to use Sheldon
to get your way with me

in a dumb
Roommate Agreement.

Where'd you get that from?

From Amy.

Ugh. Amy, why did you
tell him that?

Because you were defending
Sheldon like you always do.

I don't always
defend Sheldon.

Oh, yes, you do.
You know you have a weird

brother-sister-Elliott-E.T.
relationship with him.

What about your weird
relationship with him?

That's different.

I'm like the little girl
in Poltergeist

and he's the creepy thing
in the TV.

WOLOWITZ:
Um, guys?

Were there any nuts
in that food?

I don't think so. Why?
Well...

just a feeling. (chuckles)

It just said
"Italian sub."

I had no idea mortadella
has pistachios in it.

Interesting fact:

In Italian, the "morta"
in "mortadella" means death.

Sheldon.

I didn't say "fun" fact.
I'm not a monster.

He's gonna be okay.

(all sighing)

Now it's a fun fact.

Boy, stuff like this really
puts things in perspective.

Why are you
dressed like that?

Oh, uh, Howard thought
it'd be funny

to tell me
it was a costume party.

That wasn't nice.

No, but he almost died,
so we're cool.

You know, if you think about it,
tonight was kind of like

a real-life
Game of Thrones.

How?

Well, Howard eating
that pistachio

was like when King
Joffrey got poisoned.

Okay, well, that was murder,
this was an accident.

Okay.

But you using Sheldon

to do your dirty work
is like when Cersei

used the King's Guard
to do her bidding.

Cersei uses her body
to manipulate men.

Penny just takes me
to The LEGO Store.

Okay. Oh, how about this?

Stuart's dressed like a
brother of the Night's Watch,

and they don't have sex.

There you go.
That's true.

Fair enough.

Hey.

Hey.
You all right?

I'm fine.

Just a little embarrassed I had
to be carried down the stairs

like a baby.

Thanks.

Let's get out of here.

That was scary.

Well, the
important thing is

I said that big sandwich
would ruin everything,

and I was right.

KOOTHRAPPALI:
Hey, Jon Snow!

How come your horse
has a basket on it?

How come your head
has your face on it?

They don't wear bicycle helmets
in Game of Thrones.

You're thematically inaccurate,

but I applaud
your commitment to safety.

Don't you guys have anything
better to do?

Better than watching
a guy in a fur cloak

ride a girl's
bike? Nope.

That's it, you just lost
bathroom privileges

at the comic book store.

(muttering): Horse has
a basket on it. Stupid...

(screams, grunts)

(knocks)
SHELDON: Leonard.

(knocks) Leonard. Leonard.

What?

I never got to ask
my question about Batman.

What is it?

If Batman were bitten
by a radioactive Man-Bat,

and then fought crime
disguised as Man-Bat,

would he be
Man-Bat-Man-Bat-Man

or simply
Man-Bat-Man-Bat-Batman?

Is he still wearing the Batman
suit under the Man-Bat suit?

I'll be back.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man