The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 2, Episode 9 - The Clampetts Go Hollywood - full transcript
When Jake Clampett tells Jed he's his cousin, he's welcomed into the home and soon has everyone but Jed thinking about and dressing for a role in their next movie.
♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was shooting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
You'll have to wait a spell
for the rest of your
breakfast, Mickey.
Movie stars come first.
Tell Granny more
juice for Aunt Opal,
and Uncle Jake would
like another pot of coffee.
Right... now, don't forget,
tomorrow it's my turn
to serve 'em breakfast in bed.
Well, all right,
Jethro, hurry now.
Goodness knows, Jed,
I ain't one to complain,
but when able-bodied folks
have to have their vittles
toted up to bed to them,
I think it's downright
sinful and lazy,
especially when they bear
the proud name of Clampett.
Well, I reckon movie picture
actors like Cousin Jake
is used to living
a different kind
of life from us, Granny.
Besides, the
young'uns don't seem
to mind fetchi"
and totin' for 'em.
Hey, Granny, Aunt Opal
wants some more juice.
Oh, and I'll need
this pot of coffee
for my uncle, the movie star.
GRANNY: Jethro!
You... By dinghies, Jed,
you'd think we were
the poor relations
instead of them two upstairs!
Now, Granny, I don't
hardly think it's fitting
for you to be calling
a big movie star
like Cousin Jake
"poor relations."
I ain't never seen
him in a movie picture.
Have you?
No, Granny, uh,
you and me don't go
to a whole heap"
pictures, neither.
Well, I've seen enough
to know who's
stars and who ain't.
That's more than he
does. What do you mean?
Well, I got to asking
him questions last night.
He don't even know Hoot Gibson!
Go on.
Everybody knows Hoot Gibson.
He don't.
He don't know Dustin
Farnum, Ken Maynard.
He don't even know Jack Hoxie!
He was a-greenin' you.
Why, them is the hardest ridin',
straightest shootin'
movin' picture stars they is.
Of course.
But do you know who
your cousin Jake wants
to put in a movie picture? Who?
Some feller by the
name of Marlon Brando.
Hmm.
I kind of admire
that in Cousin Jake.
Ain't everybody'd take a chance
on a new fella
nobody ever heard of.
Good for you, Cousin Jake.
How long do you think
you're gonna get away
with this movie star masquerade?
It won't be a masquerade
once I make a picture
with Marlon Brando.
I'll be a star.
You've never made a
picture with anybody.
What makes you think
you can get Brando?
With this mansion and
Cousin Jed's money,
I can do anything.
Hon, it's Hollywood psychology.
When you look like
you don't need a job,
everybody wants you.
In your case,
it'll be the police.
Baby, I am not
doing anything illegal.
I am merely accepting
the hospitality
of my cousin, Jed Clampett.
You're also spending his money.
And you're not even
sure that he is your cousin.
Neither is he...
which makes it all
work out very nicely.
How do you know
he's your cousin?
'Cause he says so.
And the word of a Clampett
is good enough for me.
His being a Clampett
don't make him your cousin.
No, but his saying so does.
How come? 'Cause
he's a Clampett.
And the word of a Clampett
is good enough for me.
Hey, come quick, everybody!
My uncle the movie
star is about to come
down the stairs, and
we can all watch him!
What for?
Does he come down the stairs
different from other folks?
For a fact, he does, Granny.
I watched him yesterday,
and he is something else.
Hey, come on, Granny,
let's all go watch.
Y'all all sit right here
and be nice and quiet
and watch that door up yonder.
Pretty soon, you'll see
an honest-to-goodness,
real-life movie star
comin' out of that door
and down them stairs.
Well, don't stand in
front of my critters.
I promised them they
could see Uncle Jake.
(clears throat)
Whoops!
That's the first
time I ever seen him
come down that way.
You see, Granny, I told you
he was worth watching.
Sure can take a
tumble, can't he?
I betcha he can get shot
off a horse something grand.
I still say he ain't
no Hoot Gibson.
Now, Jethro, before I
speak to Cousin Jake,
you sure this is what
you want to do for a living?
Yes, sir, Uncle Jed,
I've done decided
I want to be a movie star.
You give up the notion
of being a pig farmer?
Well, yes, sir, Uncle Jed.
I give that up to
be a brain surgeon.
What steered you off of
being a brain surgeon?
Well, I ain't give that
up altogether now.
If I don't like movie starrin',
I'll go back to
brain surgeonin'.
Good thinkin', boy.
Never put all your
eggs in one basket.
Uh, excuse me, Cousin Jake.
I to hate to bother you.
I know you're powerful
busy being a movie star,
learning your parts and all,
but, uh, if you could
spare me a minute,
I'd like to ask you a favor.
Quite all right, Cousin Jed.
What can I do for you?
Well, uh, I know you're
figuring on making a picture
with this feller, uh, Brando.
Marlon Brando; yes.
Yeah, yeah, that's the fella.
Well, now, Jethro here
has got a right powerful
hankerin' to be a movie star,
and I figured, uh,
since you're using an
actor nobody ever heard of,
uh, couldn't you just
as well use Jethro?
Use Jethro instead
of Marlon Brando?
I'll make it up to
you any way I can.
Course I ain't got much
to offer except money,
but you're welcome to that.
How-how much money?
Much as you
need... 5, 10 million.
You know,
there's a lot of
Brando in that boy.
It's fantastic!
He is Brando!
Jethro, let me hear
you yell, "Hey, Stella!"
I don't know nobody
name of Stella.
Pretend you do.
Howdy, Stella!
Say!
He took that off real good.
Just like he knowed
her. Cousin Jed,
I think that you have come up
with a great new discovery.
Well, now I can't
claim the credit.
After all, it was you
discovered he was a great actor.
Yes, yes.
Well, now, I tell you what.
Jethro, there's a Marlon
Brando movie playing in town.
I want you to go see it.
Study Brando, learn all you can.
All right?
Is it all right, Uncle Jed?
Hop to it, boy.
Yahoo! I'm gonna
be a movie star!
Well, uh, thank
you, Cousin Jake.
Uh, thanks a million!
Oh, just a minute.
I thought you
said five or ten...
Oh, you mean...!
Think nothing of it.
My pleasure.
Where's Jethro going
in such an all-fire hurry,
bellowin' like a bee-stung calf?
He's going into town, Granny.
Cousin Jake here done
made that boy a movie star.
Well, then,
Cousin Jake here can
just do that boy's chores.
Granny, movie
stars don't do chores
like common ordinary people.
They do a lot of special stuff,
like, uh, getting
shot off of horses,
and whuppin' a whole
saloon full of bad men.
Ain't that right, Jake?
Quite right, quite right.
Well, now, uh, if
you'll excuse me.
You see, Granny?
That's the kind
of stuff he does.
I still say he ain't
no Hoot Gibson.
(car approaching)
Whoo-ee! Ain't that
a pretty automobile!
Well, now that you're gonna
be an important movie producer
you deserve the best.
You mean this is for me?
With my compliments.
Oh, you hadn't
ought to done that.
I ain't no movie producer.
Oh, you certainly are.
You are financing my picture
and that makes us partners.
You own 50... uh, 20...
I am cutting you in for
ten percent of the profits.
Well, doggies!
That sure is nice of you.
OPAL: Jake, I've
been looking all...
Whose car?
His. His.
Your husband just
bought it for me.
Uh, with what?
With the profits
from our picture!
Yes, ma'am.
It's gonna star my
nephew Jethro Bodine.
Who?!
Well, among others,
dear, among others.
I'm also trying to
get Rock Hudson,
Doris Day, Cary
Grant, Liz Taylor...
That's a dandy idea.
Give a lot of new
folks a chance.
Pa, Pa,
Granny says Jethro's
gonna be a movie star.
I want to be a movie star, too.
Well, right here's
the fella can do it.
It was him discovered Jethro.
How about it, Uncle Jake?
Can I be a movie
star like Jethro?
Like Jethro, yes.
It's entirely possible, my dear.
With that figure, she...
Uh, I figure that, um,
with the right
clothes and makeup
you could be sensational.
Opal, take Cousin
Jed's daughter into town
in Cousin Jed's, uh, new car...
and, uh, get her glamorized.
At Cousin Jed's expense.
Darling, he's
producing the picture.
Now run along, girls.
Spend all the money
you need, ma'am.
Turn her into a
first-class movie star...
A regular Lillian Gish.
Bye, Pa.
Thank you, Uncle
Jake. Glad to do it.
Well, I sure am
beholden to you, Cousin.
My pleasure, Cousin.
Where's Elly May?
She just got the floor half
scrubbed and she run out.
She won't be back
for a spell, Granny.
Cousin Jake here done
made that girl a movie star, too.
Well, then, Cousin Jake
can just doggone
finish the floor.
Granny, like I tried
to explain to you,
movie stars just
don't do ordinary labor.
Uh, that's right, that's right.
Thank you.
Well, I'll, uh,
I'll see you later.
(yelping)
He's getting better
every time, Granny.
I still say he ain't
no Hoot Gibson.
(townsfolk grumbling)
You mark my words, Jed Clampett.
You're gonna rue the day
you let them two Hollywood
slickers move into your house!
Granny, I don't hardly think
you ought to call Cousin Jake
and his woman
Hollywood slickers.
Well, you tell me,
what kind of folks lay
in bed till after sunup,
and stays up till 9:00
or 10:00 at night?
I got some more wood to cut.
And goes around
turning young'uns' heads,
telling 'em they're
gonna be movie stars?!
And then they run off from home
and leave their chores!
Folks, get ready for
the treat of a lifetime.
I would like to present
Hollywood's newest
and most glamorous star,
that queen of the silver screen,
that dazzling beauty,
Miss Venus Adore!
Howdy, ma'am.
(breathy): Howdy, Pa.
Holy jumping toad
gizzards, it's Elly May!
What was it you called her?
Venus Adore.
That will be her screen name.
Well, Jed, have you
seen and heard enough?
Do you want me to take
my shotgun to that rascal?
Now, Granny.
I think I hear my wife calling.
If you'll excuse me, please.
I thought I'd better keep the
engine running, just in case.
Jump in. They'll
never catch you.
Oh, very funny, very funny.
If I could just figure a way
to get around Granny,
I'd have it made.
Say, did you ever
hear of Hoot Gibson?
Must be a rock-and-roll singer.
No, no.
Hoot Gibson used
to be a Western star
in the old silent days.
My mother used
to talk about him.
Westerns!
So that's what
she's so hepped on,
with all that talk
about Buck Jones
and Dustin Farnum.
(yells)
Clear out of here, you varmints!
Opal, did you see that?
We have found her!
We have found the
dance hall queen
for the new Hoot Gibson picture!
Jake, come on!
Opal, take her down to
Western Costumes immediately,
and have her
outfitted for the role
of Straight-Shootin' Jean,
the Dance Hall Queen!
Oh, I can see that
big scene now,
with her sitting on the
piano singing her song,
and Hoot Gibson comes riding
into the saloon on his horse,
sweeps her up into his
arms, and rides off into the...
Hold on! Hold on!
You're just wasting time
standing there giving
me talk like that.
I am?
Yeah! Let's get going, Opal!
If Hoot Gibson needs
me, he's got me!
Don't you like me as
a movie "sireen," Pa?
Well, yeah, Elly, course I do.
You're something to see.
I bet you you're gonna
be a bigger movie star
than Pearl White.
Course, you're
gonna look a lot better
when you get your hair fixed.
Pa, it is fixed.
Hey, you don't say.
(engine revving)
JAKE: Jed! Cousin Jed!
I think you better
come out here.
Some crazy kid is racing up and
down your driveway on a motorcycle!
Look out!
Yee-ha! Look at me, Uncle Jed!
That there was Jethro.
Oh, boy! Jethro!
Listen, you can't ride
those things in the house!
(engine rumbling)
Jethro! Jethro! Jethro! Oh!
Wait'll Granny sees
Jethro ride that thing.
Wait'll she sees Cousin Jake.
Even Hoot Gibson
don't do trick riding
no better than that.
(door opening)
(sighs)
Chief!
We weren't expecting you
back for a couple of days.
How was the trip?
Fine.
How are the Clampetts?
(laughing): Oh, fine, fine.
That is to say, fine now.
There was a little mix-up
the day you left, but...
Oh? What kind of a mix-up?
Well, it seems there are two
J.D. Clampetts banking here.
Jake Clampett's
an out-of-work actor
who is habitually overdrawn,
and his statement was sent
to Jed Clampett by mistake.
Oh, no!
Oh, Chief, it's all
been rectified now.
The two are now friends.
In fact, Jake and
his wife are visiting
at the Clampett mansion.
Hello. Who's this?
This is J.D.
Clampett. Who is this?
This is Milburn Drysdale,
president of the Commerce Bank.
Are you the actor?
Ah, yes, yes,
but I already have the
financing for my new picture.
My cousin, Jed Clampett,
is putting up the
whole $10 million.
Try me next time.
All right, Granny,
let's try it again.
(plays piano intro)
♪ Hooty rode into
the dance hall ♪
♪ Scooped up his
straight-shootin' Jean ♪
♪ Then he rode out from
them swingin' doors ♪
♪ With his pretty
dance hall queen ♪
♪ He was her man ♪
(sneezes)
♪ And he was taking her home. ♪
(phone ringing)
Hello.
Look, Mr. Drysdale,
we are very busy
rehearsing for the new picture.
Hello?!
Listen, you crook...
Hello?! Hello?!
Something amiss, Chief?
Chief, Chief, my woman's
intuition tells me all is not well.
You are fired! I was right.
As soon as you drive
me up to the Clampetts!
A reprieve.
Duke, I'm right perplexed.
First Elly, then Jethro,
and now Granny...
All acting like
they was chickens
got into the corn mash.
Hi, Uncle Jed.
Course I could anger myself up
and put a stop
to the whole thing,
But I'd much rather
they'd see for theirselves
how durn foolish they look.
Uncle Jed, look, no hands.
I don't know about you, Duke,
but it's getting too
noisy for me out here.
Now I'm going to show you the
Stanislavsky method of acting.
Make your mind a complete
blank and we'll start from there.
Excellent, excellent.
Now, become a tree.
A tree?
Yes, think tree, tree, tree...
You're green and you're leafy...
and you have
branches, like this.
Howdy, Pa.
Howdy, Duke.
(growls and barks)
Come on, Duke, I don't
hardly know her myself.
Oh, Jed, come and
listen to the new song
I'm gonna do in the
new Hoot Gibson picture.
Let 'er rip, Opal.
♪ Hooty rode into
the dance hall ♪
♪ Scooped up his
straight-shootin' Jean ♪
♪ Then he rode out from
them swingin' doors ♪
♪ With his pretty
dance hall queen ♪
♪ He was her man... ♪
Aw, Jed... Don't go, Jed.
I've just commenced.
They's 12 more verses.
Here comes that nut
on the motorcycle again.
Hey, Stella... What
do ya say, baby?
You wanna drag me in that heap?
What?!
See here, you young hoodlum!
Jethro, get off of that thing!
I gotta split. I'll
see ya, Stella.
That was Jethro?
I'm afraid it was.
Mr. Clampett, I
want to talk to you.
Let's go inside.
Things is worse in there
than they is out here.
Why don't you both get in?
You can talk while I drive.
JED: That's a dandy idea.
JANE: Come on, Duke.
But Mr. Clampett,
even if he is your cousin,
you can't let this
foolishness continue!
I'd be right pleasured
if my family would just go back
to acting like my family again.
They probably don't realize how
ridiculous they appear to others.
I tried hinting at it, but it
just don't seem to take ahold.
Well, the lure of show business
has turned many a head.
Chief, if I solve this problem,
may I have my job back?
With a raise!
Hang on, everyone, here we go!
(all talking)
All right, all right,
let's have it quiet.
Hey, Stella!
What is the scoop?
Where's Pa?
Mr. Drysdale will
explain everything.
Ready, Chief?
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
thanks to Mr. Jake
Clampett here,
His cousin Jed has decided
to get into show business
like the rest of you.
(cheering, whistling)
And so, without further
ado, allow me to present
the newest sensation of
the entertainment world...
Jed Clampett!
(rock and roll playing)
♪ Well, baby, well, baby ♪
♪ Well, baby, well, baby ♪
♪ Oh, baby, oh, baby ♪
♪ Well, baby, yeah, baby ♪
♪ Yeah, baby, well, baby ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, oh,
yeah, oh, yeah... ♪
I declare, Elly, your pa's
acting like a durned fool.
He sure does look funny.
♪ Oh, baby, yeah, baby... ♪
And he's making a noise
like a stepped-on frog.
♪ Yeah, baby, yeah, baby... ♪
I reckon the men
folks in this family
just ain't got good sense.
Well, I wouldn't talk so
much if I was you two.
You look pretty
durn foolish yourself.
Well, so do you.
Shh!
You know something...
I guess we all
look durn foolish.
Folks, my next number is
especial for my cousin Jake here,
'cause it was him made
me what I am right now.
♪ Well, baby, well, baby,
well, baby, well, baby ♪
♪ Oh, baby, oh, baby ♪
♪ Well, baby, well, baby ♪
♪ Yeah, baby, yeah, baby ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, well, baby ♪
♪ Well, baby... ♪
♪ Well, baby, oh, baby! ♪
It worked, Mr. Clampett.
You're marvelous.
Mr. Clampett... ♪
Yeah, baby, oh, baby... ♪
Mr. Clampett, you can
stop now. ♪ Yeah, baby ♪
Mr. Clampett!
Oh, no, now he's
hooked on show business.
♪ Oh, baby, oh,
baby, yeah, baby... ♪
Mr. Clampett!
♪ Yeah, baby, oh,
baby, oh, baby... ♪
Kind of had you scared
there for a minute, didn't I?
(all laughing)
(theme song playing)
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was shooting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
You'll have to wait a spell
for the rest of your
breakfast, Mickey.
Movie stars come first.
Tell Granny more
juice for Aunt Opal,
and Uncle Jake would
like another pot of coffee.
Right... now, don't forget,
tomorrow it's my turn
to serve 'em breakfast in bed.
Well, all right,
Jethro, hurry now.
Goodness knows, Jed,
I ain't one to complain,
but when able-bodied folks
have to have their vittles
toted up to bed to them,
I think it's downright
sinful and lazy,
especially when they bear
the proud name of Clampett.
Well, I reckon movie picture
actors like Cousin Jake
is used to living
a different kind
of life from us, Granny.
Besides, the
young'uns don't seem
to mind fetchi"
and totin' for 'em.
Hey, Granny, Aunt Opal
wants some more juice.
Oh, and I'll need
this pot of coffee
for my uncle, the movie star.
GRANNY: Jethro!
You... By dinghies, Jed,
you'd think we were
the poor relations
instead of them two upstairs!
Now, Granny, I don't
hardly think it's fitting
for you to be calling
a big movie star
like Cousin Jake
"poor relations."
I ain't never seen
him in a movie picture.
Have you?
No, Granny, uh,
you and me don't go
to a whole heap"
pictures, neither.
Well, I've seen enough
to know who's
stars and who ain't.
That's more than he
does. What do you mean?
Well, I got to asking
him questions last night.
He don't even know Hoot Gibson!
Go on.
Everybody knows Hoot Gibson.
He don't.
He don't know Dustin
Farnum, Ken Maynard.
He don't even know Jack Hoxie!
He was a-greenin' you.
Why, them is the hardest ridin',
straightest shootin'
movin' picture stars they is.
Of course.
But do you know who
your cousin Jake wants
to put in a movie picture? Who?
Some feller by the
name of Marlon Brando.
Hmm.
I kind of admire
that in Cousin Jake.
Ain't everybody'd take a chance
on a new fella
nobody ever heard of.
Good for you, Cousin Jake.
How long do you think
you're gonna get away
with this movie star masquerade?
It won't be a masquerade
once I make a picture
with Marlon Brando.
I'll be a star.
You've never made a
picture with anybody.
What makes you think
you can get Brando?
With this mansion and
Cousin Jed's money,
I can do anything.
Hon, it's Hollywood psychology.
When you look like
you don't need a job,
everybody wants you.
In your case,
it'll be the police.
Baby, I am not
doing anything illegal.
I am merely accepting
the hospitality
of my cousin, Jed Clampett.
You're also spending his money.
And you're not even
sure that he is your cousin.
Neither is he...
which makes it all
work out very nicely.
How do you know
he's your cousin?
'Cause he says so.
And the word of a Clampett
is good enough for me.
His being a Clampett
don't make him your cousin.
No, but his saying so does.
How come? 'Cause
he's a Clampett.
And the word of a Clampett
is good enough for me.
Hey, come quick, everybody!
My uncle the movie
star is about to come
down the stairs, and
we can all watch him!
What for?
Does he come down the stairs
different from other folks?
For a fact, he does, Granny.
I watched him yesterday,
and he is something else.
Hey, come on, Granny,
let's all go watch.
Y'all all sit right here
and be nice and quiet
and watch that door up yonder.
Pretty soon, you'll see
an honest-to-goodness,
real-life movie star
comin' out of that door
and down them stairs.
Well, don't stand in
front of my critters.
I promised them they
could see Uncle Jake.
(clears throat)
Whoops!
That's the first
time I ever seen him
come down that way.
You see, Granny, I told you
he was worth watching.
Sure can take a
tumble, can't he?
I betcha he can get shot
off a horse something grand.
I still say he ain't
no Hoot Gibson.
Now, Jethro, before I
speak to Cousin Jake,
you sure this is what
you want to do for a living?
Yes, sir, Uncle Jed,
I've done decided
I want to be a movie star.
You give up the notion
of being a pig farmer?
Well, yes, sir, Uncle Jed.
I give that up to
be a brain surgeon.
What steered you off of
being a brain surgeon?
Well, I ain't give that
up altogether now.
If I don't like movie starrin',
I'll go back to
brain surgeonin'.
Good thinkin', boy.
Never put all your
eggs in one basket.
Uh, excuse me, Cousin Jake.
I to hate to bother you.
I know you're powerful
busy being a movie star,
learning your parts and all,
but, uh, if you could
spare me a minute,
I'd like to ask you a favor.
Quite all right, Cousin Jed.
What can I do for you?
Well, uh, I know you're
figuring on making a picture
with this feller, uh, Brando.
Marlon Brando; yes.
Yeah, yeah, that's the fella.
Well, now, Jethro here
has got a right powerful
hankerin' to be a movie star,
and I figured, uh,
since you're using an
actor nobody ever heard of,
uh, couldn't you just
as well use Jethro?
Use Jethro instead
of Marlon Brando?
I'll make it up to
you any way I can.
Course I ain't got much
to offer except money,
but you're welcome to that.
How-how much money?
Much as you
need... 5, 10 million.
You know,
there's a lot of
Brando in that boy.
It's fantastic!
He is Brando!
Jethro, let me hear
you yell, "Hey, Stella!"
I don't know nobody
name of Stella.
Pretend you do.
Howdy, Stella!
Say!
He took that off real good.
Just like he knowed
her. Cousin Jed,
I think that you have come up
with a great new discovery.
Well, now I can't
claim the credit.
After all, it was you
discovered he was a great actor.
Yes, yes.
Well, now, I tell you what.
Jethro, there's a Marlon
Brando movie playing in town.
I want you to go see it.
Study Brando, learn all you can.
All right?
Is it all right, Uncle Jed?
Hop to it, boy.
Yahoo! I'm gonna
be a movie star!
Well, uh, thank
you, Cousin Jake.
Uh, thanks a million!
Oh, just a minute.
I thought you
said five or ten...
Oh, you mean...!
Think nothing of it.
My pleasure.
Where's Jethro going
in such an all-fire hurry,
bellowin' like a bee-stung calf?
He's going into town, Granny.
Cousin Jake here done
made that boy a movie star.
Well, then,
Cousin Jake here can
just do that boy's chores.
Granny, movie
stars don't do chores
like common ordinary people.
They do a lot of special stuff,
like, uh, getting
shot off of horses,
and whuppin' a whole
saloon full of bad men.
Ain't that right, Jake?
Quite right, quite right.
Well, now, uh, if
you'll excuse me.
You see, Granny?
That's the kind
of stuff he does.
I still say he ain't
no Hoot Gibson.
(car approaching)
Whoo-ee! Ain't that
a pretty automobile!
Well, now that you're gonna
be an important movie producer
you deserve the best.
You mean this is for me?
With my compliments.
Oh, you hadn't
ought to done that.
I ain't no movie producer.
Oh, you certainly are.
You are financing my picture
and that makes us partners.
You own 50... uh, 20...
I am cutting you in for
ten percent of the profits.
Well, doggies!
That sure is nice of you.
OPAL: Jake, I've
been looking all...
Whose car?
His. His.
Your husband just
bought it for me.
Uh, with what?
With the profits
from our picture!
Yes, ma'am.
It's gonna star my
nephew Jethro Bodine.
Who?!
Well, among others,
dear, among others.
I'm also trying to
get Rock Hudson,
Doris Day, Cary
Grant, Liz Taylor...
That's a dandy idea.
Give a lot of new
folks a chance.
Pa, Pa,
Granny says Jethro's
gonna be a movie star.
I want to be a movie star, too.
Well, right here's
the fella can do it.
It was him discovered Jethro.
How about it, Uncle Jake?
Can I be a movie
star like Jethro?
Like Jethro, yes.
It's entirely possible, my dear.
With that figure, she...
Uh, I figure that, um,
with the right
clothes and makeup
you could be sensational.
Opal, take Cousin
Jed's daughter into town
in Cousin Jed's, uh, new car...
and, uh, get her glamorized.
At Cousin Jed's expense.
Darling, he's
producing the picture.
Now run along, girls.
Spend all the money
you need, ma'am.
Turn her into a
first-class movie star...
A regular Lillian Gish.
Bye, Pa.
Thank you, Uncle
Jake. Glad to do it.
Well, I sure am
beholden to you, Cousin.
My pleasure, Cousin.
Where's Elly May?
She just got the floor half
scrubbed and she run out.
She won't be back
for a spell, Granny.
Cousin Jake here done
made that girl a movie star, too.
Well, then, Cousin Jake
can just doggone
finish the floor.
Granny, like I tried
to explain to you,
movie stars just
don't do ordinary labor.
Uh, that's right, that's right.
Thank you.
Well, I'll, uh,
I'll see you later.
(yelping)
He's getting better
every time, Granny.
I still say he ain't
no Hoot Gibson.
(townsfolk grumbling)
You mark my words, Jed Clampett.
You're gonna rue the day
you let them two Hollywood
slickers move into your house!
Granny, I don't hardly think
you ought to call Cousin Jake
and his woman
Hollywood slickers.
Well, you tell me,
what kind of folks lay
in bed till after sunup,
and stays up till 9:00
or 10:00 at night?
I got some more wood to cut.
And goes around
turning young'uns' heads,
telling 'em they're
gonna be movie stars?!
And then they run off from home
and leave their chores!
Folks, get ready for
the treat of a lifetime.
I would like to present
Hollywood's newest
and most glamorous star,
that queen of the silver screen,
that dazzling beauty,
Miss Venus Adore!
Howdy, ma'am.
(breathy): Howdy, Pa.
Holy jumping toad
gizzards, it's Elly May!
What was it you called her?
Venus Adore.
That will be her screen name.
Well, Jed, have you
seen and heard enough?
Do you want me to take
my shotgun to that rascal?
Now, Granny.
I think I hear my wife calling.
If you'll excuse me, please.
I thought I'd better keep the
engine running, just in case.
Jump in. They'll
never catch you.
Oh, very funny, very funny.
If I could just figure a way
to get around Granny,
I'd have it made.
Say, did you ever
hear of Hoot Gibson?
Must be a rock-and-roll singer.
No, no.
Hoot Gibson used
to be a Western star
in the old silent days.
My mother used
to talk about him.
Westerns!
So that's what
she's so hepped on,
with all that talk
about Buck Jones
and Dustin Farnum.
(yells)
Clear out of here, you varmints!
Opal, did you see that?
We have found her!
We have found the
dance hall queen
for the new Hoot Gibson picture!
Jake, come on!
Opal, take her down to
Western Costumes immediately,
and have her
outfitted for the role
of Straight-Shootin' Jean,
the Dance Hall Queen!
Oh, I can see that
big scene now,
with her sitting on the
piano singing her song,
and Hoot Gibson comes riding
into the saloon on his horse,
sweeps her up into his
arms, and rides off into the...
Hold on! Hold on!
You're just wasting time
standing there giving
me talk like that.
I am?
Yeah! Let's get going, Opal!
If Hoot Gibson needs
me, he's got me!
Don't you like me as
a movie "sireen," Pa?
Well, yeah, Elly, course I do.
You're something to see.
I bet you you're gonna
be a bigger movie star
than Pearl White.
Course, you're
gonna look a lot better
when you get your hair fixed.
Pa, it is fixed.
Hey, you don't say.
(engine revving)
JAKE: Jed! Cousin Jed!
I think you better
come out here.
Some crazy kid is racing up and
down your driveway on a motorcycle!
Look out!
Yee-ha! Look at me, Uncle Jed!
That there was Jethro.
Oh, boy! Jethro!
Listen, you can't ride
those things in the house!
(engine rumbling)
Jethro! Jethro! Jethro! Oh!
Wait'll Granny sees
Jethro ride that thing.
Wait'll she sees Cousin Jake.
Even Hoot Gibson
don't do trick riding
no better than that.
(door opening)
(sighs)
Chief!
We weren't expecting you
back for a couple of days.
How was the trip?
Fine.
How are the Clampetts?
(laughing): Oh, fine, fine.
That is to say, fine now.
There was a little mix-up
the day you left, but...
Oh? What kind of a mix-up?
Well, it seems there are two
J.D. Clampetts banking here.
Jake Clampett's
an out-of-work actor
who is habitually overdrawn,
and his statement was sent
to Jed Clampett by mistake.
Oh, no!
Oh, Chief, it's all
been rectified now.
The two are now friends.
In fact, Jake and
his wife are visiting
at the Clampett mansion.
Hello. Who's this?
This is J.D.
Clampett. Who is this?
This is Milburn Drysdale,
president of the Commerce Bank.
Are you the actor?
Ah, yes, yes,
but I already have the
financing for my new picture.
My cousin, Jed Clampett,
is putting up the
whole $10 million.
Try me next time.
All right, Granny,
let's try it again.
(plays piano intro)
♪ Hooty rode into
the dance hall ♪
♪ Scooped up his
straight-shootin' Jean ♪
♪ Then he rode out from
them swingin' doors ♪
♪ With his pretty
dance hall queen ♪
♪ He was her man ♪
(sneezes)
♪ And he was taking her home. ♪
(phone ringing)
Hello.
Look, Mr. Drysdale,
we are very busy
rehearsing for the new picture.
Hello?!
Listen, you crook...
Hello?! Hello?!
Something amiss, Chief?
Chief, Chief, my woman's
intuition tells me all is not well.
You are fired! I was right.
As soon as you drive
me up to the Clampetts!
A reprieve.
Duke, I'm right perplexed.
First Elly, then Jethro,
and now Granny...
All acting like
they was chickens
got into the corn mash.
Hi, Uncle Jed.
Course I could anger myself up
and put a stop
to the whole thing,
But I'd much rather
they'd see for theirselves
how durn foolish they look.
Uncle Jed, look, no hands.
I don't know about you, Duke,
but it's getting too
noisy for me out here.
Now I'm going to show you the
Stanislavsky method of acting.
Make your mind a complete
blank and we'll start from there.
Excellent, excellent.
Now, become a tree.
A tree?
Yes, think tree, tree, tree...
You're green and you're leafy...
and you have
branches, like this.
Howdy, Pa.
Howdy, Duke.
(growls and barks)
Come on, Duke, I don't
hardly know her myself.
Oh, Jed, come and
listen to the new song
I'm gonna do in the
new Hoot Gibson picture.
Let 'er rip, Opal.
♪ Hooty rode into
the dance hall ♪
♪ Scooped up his
straight-shootin' Jean ♪
♪ Then he rode out from
them swingin' doors ♪
♪ With his pretty
dance hall queen ♪
♪ He was her man... ♪
Aw, Jed... Don't go, Jed.
I've just commenced.
They's 12 more verses.
Here comes that nut
on the motorcycle again.
Hey, Stella... What
do ya say, baby?
You wanna drag me in that heap?
What?!
See here, you young hoodlum!
Jethro, get off of that thing!
I gotta split. I'll
see ya, Stella.
That was Jethro?
I'm afraid it was.
Mr. Clampett, I
want to talk to you.
Let's go inside.
Things is worse in there
than they is out here.
Why don't you both get in?
You can talk while I drive.
JED: That's a dandy idea.
JANE: Come on, Duke.
But Mr. Clampett,
even if he is your cousin,
you can't let this
foolishness continue!
I'd be right pleasured
if my family would just go back
to acting like my family again.
They probably don't realize how
ridiculous they appear to others.
I tried hinting at it, but it
just don't seem to take ahold.
Well, the lure of show business
has turned many a head.
Chief, if I solve this problem,
may I have my job back?
With a raise!
Hang on, everyone, here we go!
(all talking)
All right, all right,
let's have it quiet.
Hey, Stella!
What is the scoop?
Where's Pa?
Mr. Drysdale will
explain everything.
Ready, Chief?
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
thanks to Mr. Jake
Clampett here,
His cousin Jed has decided
to get into show business
like the rest of you.
(cheering, whistling)
And so, without further
ado, allow me to present
the newest sensation of
the entertainment world...
Jed Clampett!
(rock and roll playing)
♪ Well, baby, well, baby ♪
♪ Well, baby, well, baby ♪
♪ Oh, baby, oh, baby ♪
♪ Well, baby, yeah, baby ♪
♪ Yeah, baby, well, baby ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, oh,
yeah, oh, yeah... ♪
I declare, Elly, your pa's
acting like a durned fool.
He sure does look funny.
♪ Oh, baby, yeah, baby... ♪
And he's making a noise
like a stepped-on frog.
♪ Yeah, baby, yeah, baby... ♪
I reckon the men
folks in this family
just ain't got good sense.
Well, I wouldn't talk so
much if I was you two.
You look pretty
durn foolish yourself.
Well, so do you.
Shh!
You know something...
I guess we all
look durn foolish.
Folks, my next number is
especial for my cousin Jake here,
'cause it was him made
me what I am right now.
♪ Well, baby, well, baby,
well, baby, well, baby ♪
♪ Oh, baby, oh, baby ♪
♪ Well, baby, well, baby ♪
♪ Yeah, baby, yeah, baby ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, well, baby ♪
♪ Well, baby... ♪
♪ Well, baby, oh, baby! ♪
It worked, Mr. Clampett.
You're marvelous.
Mr. Clampett... ♪
Yeah, baby, oh, baby... ♪
Mr. Clampett, you can
stop now. ♪ Yeah, baby ♪
Mr. Clampett!
Oh, no, now he's
hooked on show business.
♪ Oh, baby, oh,
baby, yeah, baby... ♪
Mr. Clampett!
♪ Yeah, baby, oh,
baby, oh, baby... ♪
Kind of had you scared
there for a minute, didn't I?
(all laughing)
(theme song playing)
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.