The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 1, Episode 33 - The Clampetts Get Psychoanalyzed - full transcript
Jethro needs a health certificate to graduate from the fifth grade, so he goes to the only doctor the Clampetts know about - Mrs. Drysdale's psychiatrist. He gets nowhere with Jethro, so Pearl comes and she thinks he is testing her virtue when he tries to lay her on his couch.
♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was shootin' at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubblin' crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first
thing you know ♪
♪ Old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
The Beverly Hillbillies.
♪♪
Can I help you, Granny?
Sure can, Elly. I
must be gettin' old.
The clothes basket is heavier
than a bucket
full of hogs' livers.
Don't touch it.
It's haunted!
I'll bet you little Jasper
crawled in there to get warm.
Who in tarnation
is little Jasper?
Ain't he cute, Granny?
I declare, another pussycat.
This one's all
broke out with spots.
This here little feller is
what you call a jag-u-ar.
Where'd he come from?
Critter doctor over at the zoo
said he comes all the
way from South America.
Down Louisiana way.
Nice country.
He let me bring
him home to wean.
He says that I got
a way with critters.
You better get away with
this one before your pa sees it.
He's getting a craw full of you
dragging home them critters.
Where is Pa?
Out front, solin' shoes.
Come on, little Jasper,
I better hide you, baby.
Jed, I'm back!
Well, well, it's me, Pearl.
Don't you want to kiss me?
Just didn't want to
nail us together, Pearl.
By doggies, it's good to see ya!
It's good to be here!
I thought I heard Pearl's voice!
You did!
Granny!
You old rascal, you.
You surprised us.
How are things back home?
Fine as frog's hair.
Why didn't you let us
know you was coming?
We'd have met
you at the airport.
Oh, that'd spoil the surprise.
Besides, I didn't want to
take Jethro out of school.
And Mr. Drysdale
offered his limousine
and livered chauffer.
Uh, thanks a heap.
Jed, g-give the chauffer a tip.
Come on, Pearl.
Come inside, tell
me all the news.
Oh, uh, just a
minute, young feller.
Got a tip for you.
Thank you, sir.
Plant your corn early this year.
Aunt Pearl!
Aunt Pearl!
Elly May, it's good to see you.
Well, tell us all about
Jethrine gettin' married.
Did you have a big fancy
wedding in your parlor?
Sure, she did.
Pearl's been
plannin' that for years.
It-it didn't quite come
off the way I planned it.
What happened?
You know I had Jethrine all
set to marry Albert Ledbetter,
that tall, string-bean
of a undertaker
over to Ripley.
Good, steady fella, AI.
Best undertaker
in the whole county.
Only undertaker in the county.
Nice feller, too.
Oh, Granny.
I wish you could've seen the
way he decorated my parlor.
Well, you couldn't
walk for the flowers.
They weren't all strictly fresh,
mind you, and, uh,
some of them still had
the black ribbons on them.
Well, flowers is flowers.
AI never was one
to waste nothin'.
Well, what happened, Aunt Pearl?
Didn't Cousin Jethrine
marry up with the undertaker?
Stood him up,
eloped with another man.
There goes my free funeral.
Well, uh, tell me, Pearl,
who did Jethrine elope with?
That drummer from
Joplin, Jasper Depew.
Why he weren't no
more than half her size.
I reckon love ain't measured
by a yardstick, Granny.
And they do look happy.
Sent me a snapshot
from Turnersville.
How'd old AI
Ledbetter take it, Pearl?
Jethrine standing
him up like that?
Took it right nasty, Jed.
He backed his
hearse up to the door
and hauled away
every single flower.
Where'd he take them?
Straight over to Elverna
Bradshaw's parlor.
He up and married her daughter
before them flowers could wilt.
AI never was one
to waste nothin'.
Hey, Uncle Jed, I got to have...
Hello, son!
Ma!
Jethro, put me down.
Jethro!
What are you doing
home from school
in the middle of the morning?
Did you hear your
ma was comin' home?
No, Uncle Jed.
They just found
out over at school
that I ain't got no
certificate of health.
What's that?
That's somethin' that
says that I'm healthy.
I say you're healthy.
Now go on back to school.
I have to have an
examination first, Granny.
Stick out your tongue.
You're healthy.
Get back to school.
Granny, I reckon he's got
to be examined by a doctor.
I been doctorin'
better than 60 years.
It's got to be a doctor
that's what they call a MD.
What's that stand for?
Mr. Doctor, I reckon.
Well, I'm a MD.
Mrs. Doctor.
Granny, maybe he ought to
do like the school says, hmm?
Eh.
City doctors.
Eh!
Trouble is, we don't
know no doctors.
Well, I know the critter
doctor over to the zoo.
Jethro's a human
being, Elly May.
Thank you, Ma.
Why don't we ask Mrs. Drysdale?
I hear tell she's been to
every doctor in Beverly Hills.
Hey!
Marie the maid told
me about a doctor
she's been going
to for seven years.
He must be a crackerjack.
What's his name?
Uh, let me think.
Uh, it commences with a D.
I got it! Dr. Twombly.
Twombly don't commence with a D.
Well, doctor does.
Jethro, you go on upstairs
and-and take a bath and
put on some clean underwear
and get over and see him.
Okay, Ma.
I sure hope Dr. Twombly
don't examine his brains.
Your analysis is progressing
most satisfactorily.
Tomorrow, same time.
Yes.
Well, thank you, Dr. Twombly.
And don't worry
about the regression
into infancy syndrome.
You'll overcome this
desire to be a baby again.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, Doctor.
Thank you.
And you thought you had
some beauties, Dr. Freud.
Oh, Doctor, there's
one more patient.
His name is Jethro Bodine.
But this is my golf day!
You know I don't take
patients after 11:00.
He was referred
by Mrs. Drysdale.
Oh, all right.
Call Dr. Black and tell him
I'll meet him on the
golf course at 12:15.
Yes, Doctor.
Doctor, this is Jethro Bodine.
Howdy.
How are you, Jethro?
Uh, make yourself
comfortable on the couch.
Thank you.
Would you, uh, like to tell me
all about yourself
and why you're here?
Well, why I'm here is
that I can't go to school
till I get examined by you.
I see.
Just lie back and relax.
Thank you.
Now, suppose you tell
me about this problem
you're having at school.
Well, my biggest
problem is staying awake
while the teacher's talkin'.
Well, that might be nothing more
than a benign
subconscious rejection
of authority represented
by the teacher.
It doesn't mean that you
necessarily lack interest
or capability or intelligence.
Above all,
you mustn't let this
cause you any distress.
Together, we will probe in to
the underlying causations and...
It's so good to feel needed.
Elly May,
this little critter just
scared the living daylights
out of your Aunt Pearl.
Now, something tells
me it just might be yours.
I'm awful sorry Pa.
I plumb forgot I hid him in
Aunt Pearl's dresser drawer.
He just loves to get in
betwixt clothes and snooze.
Give me a terrible start, Elly.
I thought it was a fur muff
and I started to
stick my hand in
and he bit right down on it.
Oh, I let out a
yell, I can't tell ya.
Pearl, I heared you clean
down to the cement pond.
You're yodelin'
better than ever.
No, Granny, I was yelling.
I reckon a ornery critter
like this ought to be outside
instead of in the
house scarin' folks.
Oh, leave her stay, Jed.
I'm commencing
to like her yodeling.
Oh, Granny.
Has anybody heard
anything of Jethro?
He's been at that doctor
for a good spell, now.
Now, rest easy, Pearl.
There's a lot of boy
there to examine.
Now, Jethro, during
your few waking moments
you have managed to tell
me that your mother's a widow.
Oh, yes, sir.
I'd like you to tell me
all about your mother.
I'm very interested in her.
I don't blame you.
She's pretty.
That's fine.
Now then, Jethro.
What's your relationship
to your mother?
I'm her son!
Yes, I know that,
but how do you feel about her?
Do you like her?
Oh, I sure do.
She's a dandy!
Does she ever give
you hostile emotions
or aggressive tendencies?
Well, she would if I
asked her for them.
Yes, well, suppose, uh,
that we talk about your father.
Do you remember him?
Oh, yes, sir.
He used to take me huntin'.
Taught me how
to shoot with a rifle
when I was just a little feller.
Oh, you were good
buddies when he was alive.
Oh, yes, sir.
Did you miss him?
I never shot at him.
Well, suppose you tell me
about the rest of your family.
Do you have any brothers?
Uh, no, sir.
Bu“ got a sister that's got one.
That would be you, Jethro.
Uh, no, sir.
Her name is Jethrine.
Why don't you go back
to sleep for a while?
Oh, Granny, wait till
you see what all's in here.
Every last thing you asked
me to bring back from the hills.
Oh, bless you, Pearl!
Puccoon root.
Pearl, you'll never
know how I needed this.
When you simmer
this in slippery elm tea,
it is first rate for
chills and fever.
Dried crawdad tails.
Ooh, big rascals, too.
When they is
ground up to powder,
you can't beat it for
easing headaches,
curing warts,
and seasoning sauerkraut.
Catfish whiskers.
Oh'.!
Stump water.
Oh'.!
Dogwood bark.
Oh'.!
And the skins
from three full-growed newts,
caught at midnight
under a full moon.
Pearl, you ain't
gonna believe this,
but you just can't buy these
in Beverly Hills.
That's a fact, Pearl.
Jethro drove me up
to five big department
stores out here,
and not one of them
had a newt skin.
When it comes to
charms and potions,
you might just as
well not commence,
unless you got the
midnight-moonlight-caught,
fully-growed newt.
Pearl, did you do all
this gathering yourself?
Oh, no, no, Jed, I had company.
Especially for the midnight,
moonlight newt hunt.
Mmm, uh, anybody I know?
Oh, three of the most
marriageable men in the hills.
Ah, that'd be,
uh, Jack Cantrell,
uh, widower Lloyd
and, uh, old man Casey.
Oh, he ain't so old.
I declare!
I had to watch out more
for him than the newts.
I'm surprised you
didn't get married
while you was back home, Pearl.
Oh, I had plenty
of chances, Granny,
but, I got spoilt
livin' out here.
So I'm going to hold out
for one of them good-lookin',
snappy-dressin',
money-spendin'
Beverly Hills fellas.
Wild honey comb.
Honey comb and mountain dew.
Best thing in the
world for quinsey.
Mountain-grown flaxseed.
Nothing better for poultices.
Old George Marquenie
sent that to you.
I'll take it anyway.
Ma!
Ma.
Well, what'd the doctor say?
Are you well, are you healthy?
Never did find out.
When that Dr. Twombly
heard that you was my ma,
that's all he talked
about from then on.
He talked about me?
He must've asked a
dozen questions about you.
But, Jethro, I don't
even know the man.
Well, he sure knows about you.
He'd like you to come
to his office to see him.
When?
Well, he says the
sooner the better.
And he's a good looker, too.
Bet you Mrs. Drysdale
told him about me.
I'll hurry and put on
my store-bought hair
and high society dress.
Jethro, this, uh, Dr. Twombly
a pretty nice fella?
Yes, sir.
But he's awful nosy though.
Never stops asking questions.
Suppose he's interested.
There's one thing about
him Ma ain't gonna like.
He's a messy writer.
- He is?
- Yes, sir.
You know how Ma's
always fussing at me
for spillin' ink in
my writing book?
Yeah.
Well, he showed me one
of his books, and Uncle Jed,
it's the biggest mess of
ink blots you ever saw.
Doggies, Pearl,
you're prettier than sun-up
on a Monday morning.
Ma, that dress shines
like a new tin can!
Well, I reckon that's just
about the fanciest dress ever.
Even the things that
don't show is fancy.
I got the truck waitin', Ma.
Jethro, that truck's
a mite breezy
when you're wearing
high society clothes
and someone else's hair.
I'm going in style today.
I'll get the door, Ma.
Howdy.
At your service, Mrs. Bodine.
Now, this is the way to live.
Oh, I just hope that doctor's
looking out his
window when I drive up.
Au re-vore!
Ain't no two ways about
it, when it comes to style,
nobody plows a
deeper rut than Pearl.
Mrs. Bodine, how
nice to see you.
I'm Dr. Twombly.
Bonjour, see-voo-play, I'm sure.
You obviously are a
more sophisticated woman
than I was led to believe.
Merci, ness pa.
Excuse me.
Now, step over to the couch
and make yourself comfortable.
Oh, sit down, sit down.
Relax.
Let's get acquainted.
What's the matter?
Don't you get the wrong
idea just because I talk French!
Mrs. Bodine, you don't...
You he“ don't.
Here you are, Doctor.
And I postponed your
golf date until 3:00.
Thank you.
Dr. Twombly.
Yes, but I'm busy right now.
I'm sorry, you
cannot see the doctor
without an appointment.
I wouldn't count on that, ma'am.
Might be a good idea
for you to leave the room.
Who are you?
Name's Jed Clampett,
blood cousin to Pearl Bodine.
Oh, good.
It's all right, nurse.
Mr. Clampett, I'm
glad to see you.
Before I shake your hand,
maybe I better speak my piece.
By all means.
Sit down.
I'd rather stand, thanks,
and I'll get right to the point.
Back where I come from,
we don't take kindly
to anybody trifling
with our female kinfolks.
But, Mr. Clampett, I...
Hake into account
that this is a big city,
and your ways are
probably different than our'n.
But my Cousin Pearl tells me
she had no more than said howdy,
than you commenced
pullin' her to the settee.
By doggies,
that's droppin' a rusty
bucket down my well!
Mr. Clampett, you
don't understand.
I do this every day.
I'm a psychiatrist.
Well, I'd try to get
cured of that if I was you.
'Cause you're liable
to wind up bad hurt.
Uh, let me explain and apologize
for the mistaken impression.
You can come out the
house and explain to Granny
and apologize to Pearl.
I'd love to come to your house.
I want to meet every
member of your family.
Well, that'll be fine.
But keep a tight
hold on your feelings.
I reckon Cousin Pearl
can look after herself,
but I got a daughter, Elly May,
and I catch you makin'
one move in her direction,
you're going to find
yourself weighin'
about three bullets heavier.
Pearl, drink this sassafras tea.
I bolstered it up with
a little mountain dew.
It'll calm you down.
Thank you, Granny.
Pearl, I wish you'd wear
this thing or put it away.
I keep thinkin' it's
one of Elly's critters.
Minute ago, I tried to
feed it a saucer of milk.
Pearl.
You do something
different to your hair?
Pearl, uh, Jethro
and me have brung
that Dr. Twombly home here
so he could apologize to you.
Oh'.!
I got to, I got
to, I got to... Oh.
No mirror in here.
I hope you didn't whup him to
where he's no good for shootin'.
Nobody gonna shoot
nobody, Granny.
That's why I come in here first.
You whupped him too bad, huh?
- Didn't whup him at all.
- How come?
Poor fella's so sickly,
he got to have a nurse
handy all the time.
Doggone it!
Jethro!
Bring him on in here.
Dr. Twombly, this
here is Granny.
I'm pleased to meet you, Granny.
He don't look
too sickly to whup.
You want me to whup him, Granny?
You go look for some chores.
What, for instance?
Put some air in the truck tires.
They won't hold no
more air, Uncle Jed.
Then let some out
and then put some in.
I never get to do
anything I want to do.
Somebody's always
saying "Do this, do that.
Put air in, take air out!"
I don't know!
Granny, where's Elly?
She's out back runnin' her
new jaguar around the yard.
Well, uh, I'll go fetch her.
I reckon, uh, you'll
be safe with him.
Sit down, Doctor.
Thank you.
So, you call yourself
a doctor, do you?
Well, I do hold several degrees.
All right, Doctor.
How do you cure warts?
Warts?
Yeah, warts.
Well, dermatology
isn't my field,
but I assume electro-dessication
is still the preferred method.
Ah.
Is there a newer method?
Stumpwater and lye.
Mixed with ground-up
crawdad tails,
dobbed on with the
leg bone of a buzzard,
just before the moon comes up.
Think you can remember that?
Well, I'll try.
Mm-hmm.
How do you cure quinsey?
Quinsey?
Uh, tonsillitis.
No, that wouldn't cure it.
It's an inflammation
of the pharyngeal area.
I don't care what you call it,
that wouldn't cure quinsey.
Quick, what kind of
poultice for a risin' in the ear?
Poultice?
What's asafidity for?
Well, uh...
How would you cure the vapors?
I...
What about the drowsies?
Aching joints, stone
bruises, corns?
Ender, twinges, and proud flesh?
These things are
outside my field.
A doctor goes where he's needed.
He don't just stay
on his own land.
Now, you sit right back down.
Remember what I told you.
Elly, this here is Dr. Twombly.
Howdy.
How do you do?
Are you the young lady
with the new Jaguar?
I sure am. You want to see it?
Well, yes, I'm an
enthusiast myself.
Is it in the garage?
No, out in the yard. Come on.
Now you sit right there.
Elly May, bring it in the house.
A Jaguar in the house?
Is it all right, Pa?
Yeah, as long as you
don't take it upstairs again.
Bonjour again, Doctor.
Oh, Mrs. Bodine, I-I'm
so sorry my actions
in the office were misconstrued.
Well, they was
downright forward,
but if you want to
court me proper,
you can come into the parlor.
Uncle Jed, lookee here.
How'd that happen?
Well, I was blowin'
air into it like this here,
when all of a sudden, pow!
Jethro, I told you and I
told you, use the pump.
You always bust the tires
when you blow them up by mouth.
Okay, Ma.
Hey, is he gonna
be my new daddy?
Me?
I reckon that's
up to him, Jethro.
We do have a nice parlor
for proper courtin'.
Watch out, Pearl.
Here comes Elly and her jaguar!
Well, good-bye, folks.
It's been weird.
Doctor, wait, wait.
We got a, we got a
big couch in the parlor.
Yes, I suggest you
get on it, all of you.
I'll send someone over.
Well, of all the...
He run out on me! Ooh!
Hey, Ma, you want me to
catch him and tote him back?
Let him go, let him go!
But, Granny, it might
be my only chance
to get a Beverly Hills doctor.
Doctor my foot.
Unless Elly brings
home a six-foot duck,
you ain't never gonna
run into a bigger quack.
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ For kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪
This has been a
Filmways presentation.
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was shootin' at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubblin' crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first
thing you know ♪
♪ Old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
The Beverly Hillbillies.
♪♪
Can I help you, Granny?
Sure can, Elly. I
must be gettin' old.
The clothes basket is heavier
than a bucket
full of hogs' livers.
Don't touch it.
It's haunted!
I'll bet you little Jasper
crawled in there to get warm.
Who in tarnation
is little Jasper?
Ain't he cute, Granny?
I declare, another pussycat.
This one's all
broke out with spots.
This here little feller is
what you call a jag-u-ar.
Where'd he come from?
Critter doctor over at the zoo
said he comes all the
way from South America.
Down Louisiana way.
Nice country.
He let me bring
him home to wean.
He says that I got
a way with critters.
You better get away with
this one before your pa sees it.
He's getting a craw full of you
dragging home them critters.
Where is Pa?
Out front, solin' shoes.
Come on, little Jasper,
I better hide you, baby.
Jed, I'm back!
Well, well, it's me, Pearl.
Don't you want to kiss me?
Just didn't want to
nail us together, Pearl.
By doggies, it's good to see ya!
It's good to be here!
I thought I heard Pearl's voice!
You did!
Granny!
You old rascal, you.
You surprised us.
How are things back home?
Fine as frog's hair.
Why didn't you let us
know you was coming?
We'd have met
you at the airport.
Oh, that'd spoil the surprise.
Besides, I didn't want to
take Jethro out of school.
And Mr. Drysdale
offered his limousine
and livered chauffer.
Uh, thanks a heap.
Jed, g-give the chauffer a tip.
Come on, Pearl.
Come inside, tell
me all the news.
Oh, uh, just a
minute, young feller.
Got a tip for you.
Thank you, sir.
Plant your corn early this year.
Aunt Pearl!
Aunt Pearl!
Elly May, it's good to see you.
Well, tell us all about
Jethrine gettin' married.
Did you have a big fancy
wedding in your parlor?
Sure, she did.
Pearl's been
plannin' that for years.
It-it didn't quite come
off the way I planned it.
What happened?
You know I had Jethrine all
set to marry Albert Ledbetter,
that tall, string-bean
of a undertaker
over to Ripley.
Good, steady fella, AI.
Best undertaker
in the whole county.
Only undertaker in the county.
Nice feller, too.
Oh, Granny.
I wish you could've seen the
way he decorated my parlor.
Well, you couldn't
walk for the flowers.
They weren't all strictly fresh,
mind you, and, uh,
some of them still had
the black ribbons on them.
Well, flowers is flowers.
AI never was one
to waste nothin'.
Well, what happened, Aunt Pearl?
Didn't Cousin Jethrine
marry up with the undertaker?
Stood him up,
eloped with another man.
There goes my free funeral.
Well, uh, tell me, Pearl,
who did Jethrine elope with?
That drummer from
Joplin, Jasper Depew.
Why he weren't no
more than half her size.
I reckon love ain't measured
by a yardstick, Granny.
And they do look happy.
Sent me a snapshot
from Turnersville.
How'd old AI
Ledbetter take it, Pearl?
Jethrine standing
him up like that?
Took it right nasty, Jed.
He backed his
hearse up to the door
and hauled away
every single flower.
Where'd he take them?
Straight over to Elverna
Bradshaw's parlor.
He up and married her daughter
before them flowers could wilt.
AI never was one
to waste nothin'.
Hey, Uncle Jed, I got to have...
Hello, son!
Ma!
Jethro, put me down.
Jethro!
What are you doing
home from school
in the middle of the morning?
Did you hear your
ma was comin' home?
No, Uncle Jed.
They just found
out over at school
that I ain't got no
certificate of health.
What's that?
That's somethin' that
says that I'm healthy.
I say you're healthy.
Now go on back to school.
I have to have an
examination first, Granny.
Stick out your tongue.
You're healthy.
Get back to school.
Granny, I reckon he's got
to be examined by a doctor.
I been doctorin'
better than 60 years.
It's got to be a doctor
that's what they call a MD.
What's that stand for?
Mr. Doctor, I reckon.
Well, I'm a MD.
Mrs. Doctor.
Granny, maybe he ought to
do like the school says, hmm?
Eh.
City doctors.
Eh!
Trouble is, we don't
know no doctors.
Well, I know the critter
doctor over to the zoo.
Jethro's a human
being, Elly May.
Thank you, Ma.
Why don't we ask Mrs. Drysdale?
I hear tell she's been to
every doctor in Beverly Hills.
Hey!
Marie the maid told
me about a doctor
she's been going
to for seven years.
He must be a crackerjack.
What's his name?
Uh, let me think.
Uh, it commences with a D.
I got it! Dr. Twombly.
Twombly don't commence with a D.
Well, doctor does.
Jethro, you go on upstairs
and-and take a bath and
put on some clean underwear
and get over and see him.
Okay, Ma.
I sure hope Dr. Twombly
don't examine his brains.
Your analysis is progressing
most satisfactorily.
Tomorrow, same time.
Yes.
Well, thank you, Dr. Twombly.
And don't worry
about the regression
into infancy syndrome.
You'll overcome this
desire to be a baby again.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, Doctor.
Thank you.
And you thought you had
some beauties, Dr. Freud.
Oh, Doctor, there's
one more patient.
His name is Jethro Bodine.
But this is my golf day!
You know I don't take
patients after 11:00.
He was referred
by Mrs. Drysdale.
Oh, all right.
Call Dr. Black and tell him
I'll meet him on the
golf course at 12:15.
Yes, Doctor.
Doctor, this is Jethro Bodine.
Howdy.
How are you, Jethro?
Uh, make yourself
comfortable on the couch.
Thank you.
Would you, uh, like to tell me
all about yourself
and why you're here?
Well, why I'm here is
that I can't go to school
till I get examined by you.
I see.
Just lie back and relax.
Thank you.
Now, suppose you tell
me about this problem
you're having at school.
Well, my biggest
problem is staying awake
while the teacher's talkin'.
Well, that might be nothing more
than a benign
subconscious rejection
of authority represented
by the teacher.
It doesn't mean that you
necessarily lack interest
or capability or intelligence.
Above all,
you mustn't let this
cause you any distress.
Together, we will probe in to
the underlying causations and...
It's so good to feel needed.
Elly May,
this little critter just
scared the living daylights
out of your Aunt Pearl.
Now, something tells
me it just might be yours.
I'm awful sorry Pa.
I plumb forgot I hid him in
Aunt Pearl's dresser drawer.
He just loves to get in
betwixt clothes and snooze.
Give me a terrible start, Elly.
I thought it was a fur muff
and I started to
stick my hand in
and he bit right down on it.
Oh, I let out a
yell, I can't tell ya.
Pearl, I heared you clean
down to the cement pond.
You're yodelin'
better than ever.
No, Granny, I was yelling.
I reckon a ornery critter
like this ought to be outside
instead of in the
house scarin' folks.
Oh, leave her stay, Jed.
I'm commencing
to like her yodeling.
Oh, Granny.
Has anybody heard
anything of Jethro?
He's been at that doctor
for a good spell, now.
Now, rest easy, Pearl.
There's a lot of boy
there to examine.
Now, Jethro, during
your few waking moments
you have managed to tell
me that your mother's a widow.
Oh, yes, sir.
I'd like you to tell me
all about your mother.
I'm very interested in her.
I don't blame you.
She's pretty.
That's fine.
Now then, Jethro.
What's your relationship
to your mother?
I'm her son!
Yes, I know that,
but how do you feel about her?
Do you like her?
Oh, I sure do.
She's a dandy!
Does she ever give
you hostile emotions
or aggressive tendencies?
Well, she would if I
asked her for them.
Yes, well, suppose, uh,
that we talk about your father.
Do you remember him?
Oh, yes, sir.
He used to take me huntin'.
Taught me how
to shoot with a rifle
when I was just a little feller.
Oh, you were good
buddies when he was alive.
Oh, yes, sir.
Did you miss him?
I never shot at him.
Well, suppose you tell me
about the rest of your family.
Do you have any brothers?
Uh, no, sir.
Bu“ got a sister that's got one.
That would be you, Jethro.
Uh, no, sir.
Her name is Jethrine.
Why don't you go back
to sleep for a while?
Oh, Granny, wait till
you see what all's in here.
Every last thing you asked
me to bring back from the hills.
Oh, bless you, Pearl!
Puccoon root.
Pearl, you'll never
know how I needed this.
When you simmer
this in slippery elm tea,
it is first rate for
chills and fever.
Dried crawdad tails.
Ooh, big rascals, too.
When they is
ground up to powder,
you can't beat it for
easing headaches,
curing warts,
and seasoning sauerkraut.
Catfish whiskers.
Oh'.!
Stump water.
Oh'.!
Dogwood bark.
Oh'.!
And the skins
from three full-growed newts,
caught at midnight
under a full moon.
Pearl, you ain't
gonna believe this,
but you just can't buy these
in Beverly Hills.
That's a fact, Pearl.
Jethro drove me up
to five big department
stores out here,
and not one of them
had a newt skin.
When it comes to
charms and potions,
you might just as
well not commence,
unless you got the
midnight-moonlight-caught,
fully-growed newt.
Pearl, did you do all
this gathering yourself?
Oh, no, no, Jed, I had company.
Especially for the midnight,
moonlight newt hunt.
Mmm, uh, anybody I know?
Oh, three of the most
marriageable men in the hills.
Ah, that'd be,
uh, Jack Cantrell,
uh, widower Lloyd
and, uh, old man Casey.
Oh, he ain't so old.
I declare!
I had to watch out more
for him than the newts.
I'm surprised you
didn't get married
while you was back home, Pearl.
Oh, I had plenty
of chances, Granny,
but, I got spoilt
livin' out here.
So I'm going to hold out
for one of them good-lookin',
snappy-dressin',
money-spendin'
Beverly Hills fellas.
Wild honey comb.
Honey comb and mountain dew.
Best thing in the
world for quinsey.
Mountain-grown flaxseed.
Nothing better for poultices.
Old George Marquenie
sent that to you.
I'll take it anyway.
Ma!
Ma.
Well, what'd the doctor say?
Are you well, are you healthy?
Never did find out.
When that Dr. Twombly
heard that you was my ma,
that's all he talked
about from then on.
He talked about me?
He must've asked a
dozen questions about you.
But, Jethro, I don't
even know the man.
Well, he sure knows about you.
He'd like you to come
to his office to see him.
When?
Well, he says the
sooner the better.
And he's a good looker, too.
Bet you Mrs. Drysdale
told him about me.
I'll hurry and put on
my store-bought hair
and high society dress.
Jethro, this, uh, Dr. Twombly
a pretty nice fella?
Yes, sir.
But he's awful nosy though.
Never stops asking questions.
Suppose he's interested.
There's one thing about
him Ma ain't gonna like.
He's a messy writer.
- He is?
- Yes, sir.
You know how Ma's
always fussing at me
for spillin' ink in
my writing book?
Yeah.
Well, he showed me one
of his books, and Uncle Jed,
it's the biggest mess of
ink blots you ever saw.
Doggies, Pearl,
you're prettier than sun-up
on a Monday morning.
Ma, that dress shines
like a new tin can!
Well, I reckon that's just
about the fanciest dress ever.
Even the things that
don't show is fancy.
I got the truck waitin', Ma.
Jethro, that truck's
a mite breezy
when you're wearing
high society clothes
and someone else's hair.
I'm going in style today.
I'll get the door, Ma.
Howdy.
At your service, Mrs. Bodine.
Now, this is the way to live.
Oh, I just hope that doctor's
looking out his
window when I drive up.
Au re-vore!
Ain't no two ways about
it, when it comes to style,
nobody plows a
deeper rut than Pearl.
Mrs. Bodine, how
nice to see you.
I'm Dr. Twombly.
Bonjour, see-voo-play, I'm sure.
You obviously are a
more sophisticated woman
than I was led to believe.
Merci, ness pa.
Excuse me.
Now, step over to the couch
and make yourself comfortable.
Oh, sit down, sit down.
Relax.
Let's get acquainted.
What's the matter?
Don't you get the wrong
idea just because I talk French!
Mrs. Bodine, you don't...
You he“ don't.
Here you are, Doctor.
And I postponed your
golf date until 3:00.
Thank you.
Dr. Twombly.
Yes, but I'm busy right now.
I'm sorry, you
cannot see the doctor
without an appointment.
I wouldn't count on that, ma'am.
Might be a good idea
for you to leave the room.
Who are you?
Name's Jed Clampett,
blood cousin to Pearl Bodine.
Oh, good.
It's all right, nurse.
Mr. Clampett, I'm
glad to see you.
Before I shake your hand,
maybe I better speak my piece.
By all means.
Sit down.
I'd rather stand, thanks,
and I'll get right to the point.
Back where I come from,
we don't take kindly
to anybody trifling
with our female kinfolks.
But, Mr. Clampett, I...
Hake into account
that this is a big city,
and your ways are
probably different than our'n.
But my Cousin Pearl tells me
she had no more than said howdy,
than you commenced
pullin' her to the settee.
By doggies,
that's droppin' a rusty
bucket down my well!
Mr. Clampett, you
don't understand.
I do this every day.
I'm a psychiatrist.
Well, I'd try to get
cured of that if I was you.
'Cause you're liable
to wind up bad hurt.
Uh, let me explain and apologize
for the mistaken impression.
You can come out the
house and explain to Granny
and apologize to Pearl.
I'd love to come to your house.
I want to meet every
member of your family.
Well, that'll be fine.
But keep a tight
hold on your feelings.
I reckon Cousin Pearl
can look after herself,
but I got a daughter, Elly May,
and I catch you makin'
one move in her direction,
you're going to find
yourself weighin'
about three bullets heavier.
Pearl, drink this sassafras tea.
I bolstered it up with
a little mountain dew.
It'll calm you down.
Thank you, Granny.
Pearl, I wish you'd wear
this thing or put it away.
I keep thinkin' it's
one of Elly's critters.
Minute ago, I tried to
feed it a saucer of milk.
Pearl.
You do something
different to your hair?
Pearl, uh, Jethro
and me have brung
that Dr. Twombly home here
so he could apologize to you.
Oh'.!
I got to, I got
to, I got to... Oh.
No mirror in here.
I hope you didn't whup him to
where he's no good for shootin'.
Nobody gonna shoot
nobody, Granny.
That's why I come in here first.
You whupped him too bad, huh?
- Didn't whup him at all.
- How come?
Poor fella's so sickly,
he got to have a nurse
handy all the time.
Doggone it!
Jethro!
Bring him on in here.
Dr. Twombly, this
here is Granny.
I'm pleased to meet you, Granny.
He don't look
too sickly to whup.
You want me to whup him, Granny?
You go look for some chores.
What, for instance?
Put some air in the truck tires.
They won't hold no
more air, Uncle Jed.
Then let some out
and then put some in.
I never get to do
anything I want to do.
Somebody's always
saying "Do this, do that.
Put air in, take air out!"
I don't know!
Granny, where's Elly?
She's out back runnin' her
new jaguar around the yard.
Well, uh, I'll go fetch her.
I reckon, uh, you'll
be safe with him.
Sit down, Doctor.
Thank you.
So, you call yourself
a doctor, do you?
Well, I do hold several degrees.
All right, Doctor.
How do you cure warts?
Warts?
Yeah, warts.
Well, dermatology
isn't my field,
but I assume electro-dessication
is still the preferred method.
Ah.
Is there a newer method?
Stumpwater and lye.
Mixed with ground-up
crawdad tails,
dobbed on with the
leg bone of a buzzard,
just before the moon comes up.
Think you can remember that?
Well, I'll try.
Mm-hmm.
How do you cure quinsey?
Quinsey?
Uh, tonsillitis.
No, that wouldn't cure it.
It's an inflammation
of the pharyngeal area.
I don't care what you call it,
that wouldn't cure quinsey.
Quick, what kind of
poultice for a risin' in the ear?
Poultice?
What's asafidity for?
Well, uh...
How would you cure the vapors?
I...
What about the drowsies?
Aching joints, stone
bruises, corns?
Ender, twinges, and proud flesh?
These things are
outside my field.
A doctor goes where he's needed.
He don't just stay
on his own land.
Now, you sit right back down.
Remember what I told you.
Elly, this here is Dr. Twombly.
Howdy.
How do you do?
Are you the young lady
with the new Jaguar?
I sure am. You want to see it?
Well, yes, I'm an
enthusiast myself.
Is it in the garage?
No, out in the yard. Come on.
Now you sit right there.
Elly May, bring it in the house.
A Jaguar in the house?
Is it all right, Pa?
Yeah, as long as you
don't take it upstairs again.
Bonjour again, Doctor.
Oh, Mrs. Bodine, I-I'm
so sorry my actions
in the office were misconstrued.
Well, they was
downright forward,
but if you want to
court me proper,
you can come into the parlor.
Uncle Jed, lookee here.
How'd that happen?
Well, I was blowin'
air into it like this here,
when all of a sudden, pow!
Jethro, I told you and I
told you, use the pump.
You always bust the tires
when you blow them up by mouth.
Okay, Ma.
Hey, is he gonna
be my new daddy?
Me?
I reckon that's
up to him, Jethro.
We do have a nice parlor
for proper courtin'.
Watch out, Pearl.
Here comes Elly and her jaguar!
Well, good-bye, folks.
It's been weird.
Doctor, wait, wait.
We got a, we got a
big couch in the parlor.
Yes, I suggest you
get on it, all of you.
I'll send someone over.
Well, of all the...
He run out on me! Ooh!
Hey, Ma, you want me to
catch him and tote him back?
Let him go, let him go!
But, Granny, it might
be my only chance
to get a Beverly Hills doctor.
Doctor my foot.
Unless Elly brings
home a six-foot duck,
you ain't never gonna
run into a bigger quack.
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ For kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪
This has been a
Filmways presentation.