The Awesomes (2013–2015): Season 2, Episode 4 - Tim Goes to School - full transcript
Tim attends middle school and must learn to conceal his powers. The rest of The Awesomes pose as school faculty to protect him.
ANNOUNCER:
Previously on The Awesomes.
PROCK:
I did not kiss
Muscleman's sister.
Perfect Man, a quick reminder,
you're a fugitive now.
MALOCCHIO JR.:
I will have my vengeance!
MALOCCHIO JR.:
As you know,
the Awesomes must be destroyed.
And so today
I announce the formation
of a team of supervillains
dedicated solely
to that mission.
I give you...
"People Really Into Crime
and Killing Sprees."
The PRICKS.
I'm not a person.
Hm. Well, how about,
"Primates Really Into Crime
and Killing Sprees?"
That works.
You boys have been playing
up here for hours.
You must be starving.
We're not playing,
Mother!
We're building a team
of supervillains!
Well,
I brought sandwiches.
Do supervillains like the crust?
You have to tell me.
I don't know these things.
I like crust.
Oh, sorry, Ape-Man.
I cut the crust off.
Mom, can we discuss this later?
Sure, baby.
Now, are you ready
for your super powers?
(ominous theme playing)
(yelling)
I am Elliot Levy-Apelstein!
Your supervillain name
can't be your real name.
You have to come up with
something different.
Oh. How about Jeff?
I always liked the name Jeff.
Jeff Apelstein?
It's not great,
but sure that's fine.
(laughs maniacally)
Wait, so I'm elastic?
That's a stupid power.
(happy theme playing)
Oh, I thought that movie
would never end.
Well, at least Harry was able to
reconcile with the Hendersons.
(moans softly)
(romantic theme plays)
(yelps)
Why so jumpy?
I'm just excited to see you,
that's all. You know?
(yelps)
I love it when you get weird.
(romantic theme playing)
(moans)
(yelps)
PROCK:
I have to tell Jaclyn.
Do not tell Jaclyn.
I can't believe it.
I'm a cheater.
You're not a cheater.
It wasn't even your fault.
She kissed you.
And now your sister keeps
calling me, texting me.
I'm trying to ignore it, but--
Dude, if you tell Jaclyn,
she will totally never,
ever forgive you.
I thought you said
it wasn't my fault.
I know that. You know that.
But women don't think like us.
They are vicious,
evil creatures.
You see this scar?
Oh, wow.
A woman did that to you?
No.
When I was a little kid,
I fell on a rake.
That a woman put there.
Oh. Well,
I guess you're right.
(phone beeps)
I won't tell Jaclyn.
Wait, did you just send me
a naked picture of yourself?
I did? Hm,
I look pretty good.
Wait.
Oh, no. Oh, my God.
That's... my....
sister!
(screaming):
My eyes!
(phone beeps)
Okay,
now that one's you.
What do you think?
Can you tell I work out?
(The Hold Steady's
"The Awesomes Theme Song"
playing)
♪ This feels awesome ♪
♪ This feels awesome ♪
♪ Yeah, this feels awesome ♪
♪ Now, this feels awesome ♪
♪ This feels awesome ♪
♪ This feels so awesome ♪
I'm so bored, y'all.
I'm going for a run.
That'll kill some time.
Didn't help.
Hey,
Joyce Mandrake is here.
I have to hide!
(grunts)
Great hiding place.
You know,
a lot of super hero teams
will lock
their mountain fortresses.
Oh, my God! Perfect Man!
Oh, this? No, this is...
one of those cardboard cutouts
from the convenience store.
Yeah, see?
We mostly keep it around
to throw darts at.
Or dump garbage on.
Or do sexy things with.
Well...
(all gasp)
that makes sense.
(all sigh)
I guess it's just hard
to tell the difference
since the real Perfect Man
is also two-dimensional.
(all laugh)
Yeah,
Perfect Man is just a nickname.
His full name
is "Perfect-ly Boring Man."
(all laugh)
Now, to business.
Our records show
that Tim has not been to school
for over six months.
Since his parents
first went into hiding.
Well, you know,
crime doesn't wait until 2:55pm.
Power without knowledge can be
a very dangerous thing, Tim.
Not long ago there was an
incident with California Man.
California Man!
We need your help!
A giant robot
is destroying the capital.
Never fear,
dude.
To San Francisco.
GIRL:
Uh, it's Sacramento.
Yeah, Sacramento!
The capital is Sacramento!
Six hundred people
died that day.
So I have to go to school
because California Man
didn't know his state capitals?
More or less, yes.
This morning,
the president
signed a new bill into law.
The Underage Superhero
Education Act.
It mandates that any superhero
who is of school age
must be enrolled in school
and maintain a B average.
Man, I'm glad they didn't have
that law when I was a, um,
smaller me.
You mean, a kid?
Kid! That's it.
It was right
on the tip of my...
licking... muscle?
Wow.
So, I expect to see you
first thing Monday morning
at Spiro Agnew Middle School.
Ah, fine.
Great. Ta, Awesomes.
Is she gone?
Yup, you're safe.
Do you all really think
I'm two-dimensional?
Oh, don't feel bad,
Perfect Man.
Personality isn't everything.
Or in your case, anything.
(all laugh)
TIM:
Is there any reason why
everybody has to drive me
to school?
It's bad enough I'm getting
dropped off in a van.
Uh, yes,
dropped off...
And also, we're all
going to school with you.
What?
You're joking, right?
Oh, my God,
this is so embarrassing.
Tim, both of your parents were
assassins. There are people
who will do anything to get them
to come out of hiding.
Like kidnap you and chop off
your ear and mail it to them.
"Next time, it'll be his heart,"
they'll say.
That's a little extreme.
But the point is,
as you will no longer be
protected by the security
systems of Awesome mountain,
although we should probably stop
leaving the door unlocked,
you need the team around
you to keep you safe.
So let me get this straight,
all six of you
are coming with me?
Uh,
actually seven.
(whispers indistinctly)
Nope. Nope. Six.
I did Gadget Gal twice.
Many have.
I promise we won't embarrass
you. We'll be undercover.
Great.
Prock will be a teacher.
Gadget Gal
will be the lunch lady.
Frantic and Muscle Man,
you're students.
Oh, that's easy.
I can pretend to be a student.
CONCIERGE:
No, not pretend.
You are students.
Since neither of you
ever graduated
I just re-enrolled you
in the seventh grade.
Wait, you mean I skipped
fourth through sixth grade?
Hot buttered corn!
Book learnin', here I come!
I'll be school counselor,
because that way
kids will look up to me,
and Impresario,
you're the janitor.
I'll be the art teacher.
Why can't you be the janitor?
Oh, give me strength,
Dr. King.
I will be the art teacher
because I have
a Masters Degree in Design.
And I will not be the janitor
because I don't have
a Masters Degree in English.
(laughing)
Okay, great. Now,
Tim, it's very important
that you do not
use your powers in the school.
You have to control your temper.
If you start to get angry,
just think about
a beautiful sunset.
No Sumo. Okay?
Okay.
This is very important.
Okay, I got it!
Can I just hear you say it?
I don't want to get--
I get it!
(crash)
GADGET GAL:
You're crushing me!
IMPRESARIO (muffled):
Your diaper is on my face.
PROCK:
Okay, got it out of your system?
Let's go to school!
(bell rings)
(sighs)
You're new.
I'm Cait.
Tim.
Nice to meet you.
Let me give you
the lay of the land.
The best water fountain
is the one outside of the gym.
The water is super cold
and it's got a good arc to it.
It's not
one of those dribblers.
This is the cafetorium.
They serve breakfast and lunch,
and twice a year,
you can catch what is loosely
referred to as a "talent show."
Also, avoid the tartar sauce
if you value your life.
Here, let's go out this way.
Move it along,
butterball.
No pizza for fatty.
Miss Samson is a pushover.
Pretend you care about Social
Studies and you'll own her.
Oh, also, stay away from Pablo.
You can't miss him.
He's a giant kid
in a Hawaiian shirt.
If you need anything,
I'm at locker 117.
And your locker should be...
Uh-oh.
What?
I'll go get a teacher.
I'm totally fine. Don't worry,
I will see you at lunch.
Your funeral, tough guy.
(bell rings)
Hey, nice back pack,
Dora the Explorer.
Oh, my God, you totally look
like Dora the Explorer.
Except she's Mexican.
What are you going to explore,
your butt?
Nice!
Hi guys, my name is Tim.
Great to meet you, seriously.
You're just kind of blocking my
locker, so if you don't mind...
Oh, gosh! I'm so sorry.
The last thing I wanna do is get
between a nerd and his books.
(laughs)
Aw, books.
His only friends.
Can you reach your locker or
do you need a boost, Tiny Tim?
Beautiful sunset...
beautiful sunset...
I'm fine, but you
are really sweet to offer.
I hope you all
have a fantastic day.
(bell rings)
Okay, class,
I'd like to start out today
by talking about some of the
lesser artists of the early
Impressionist movement and
their influence on Modernism.
(all mutter)
(sighs)
I mean, who wants to make
some hand turkeys?
(class cheers)
Bunga no like Awesomes.
Yes, exactly,
that's why we're here.
Because we also
no like Awesomes.
So how would you like
to join forces with us,
and take down the Awesomes as
part of the most terrifying
and awe-inducing supervillain
team ever to walk the earth?
(laughs maniacally)
You? Supervillain?
(laughs)
Malocchio Jr.
is laughingstock.
Listen, you little--
Ah!
(explosion)
(Bunga laughs)
Bendy ape throw Bunga far!
Who's next?
(bell rings)
Hm. Wow.
Pretty easy for seventh graders.
I was doing this kind of thing
when I was six.
Okay...
Who did that?
BOY (mocking):
Who did that?
I'm serious.
Tell me right now.
(mocking):
I'm serious. Tell me right now.
Could you please stop,
Muscle Man?
Right, sorry.
Mr. Prock! Mr. Prock!
Can I go to the bathroom?
What time is recess?
Can we go on a field trip?
I'm sorry to interrupt your--
(all clamoring)
I was just wondering
if I could borrow some chalk.
Certainly, Mrs...
Miss. Sampson.
Certainly, Miss Sampson.
MUSCLE MAN: Nerd!
You'll figure it out.
You just have to be
tough with them and mean it.
Kids crave discipline.
So do I,
by the way.
If you like
we can have a drink later on
and I can give you
some pointers.
Um, what? Oh, uh...
I don't know if my girlfriend
would like that.
I have a girlfriend.
But thanks for the offer.
Did I mention
I have a girlfriend?
I should have known.
Good ones are always taken.
I'm always attracted
to unavailable men.
Well, if you change your mind,
I'm in room 114.
Mr. Prock,
I solved the equation.
So you just moved here
from Europe?
Where in Europe?
Uh, the north part.
Mm. Yeah,
I hear it's beautiful there.
Whoa, check it out,
Pablo.
The nerd
has a girlfriend.
I thought learning
was your girlfriend, nerd bird!
(laughs)
We're just friends
so you guys can relax.
What's up,
Four Eyes?
Get it? I'm counting
your glasses as two more eyes.
Now, listen--
Beautiful sunset...
(breathes deeply)
Beautiful sunset.
Great joke, guys!
Four Eyes. Nice!
Oh, ho,
Romeo doesn't like it
when you make fun
of Julia.
I think
you're thinking of Juliet.
He admits it.
He loves her.
I don't love her! I mean,
she's nice, but we just met.
Well, just be careful
you don't get head lice.
(whispering loudly):
Her family is poor.
(bullies laughing)
(roars)
That was the coolest thing
I ever saw!
(growling)
Is that
a Northern European thing?
Well, if I never see another
tater tot, it'll be too soon.
I’m trying to break through
to these students,
but they just don't
understand.
They see me
as an authority figure
when I'm really more like
a really fun adult friend.
Well,
I am killing it in school.
I mean,
at least in gym.
Not so much math, history,
social studies, English, lunch.
(grunts)
Damn it!
Why am I so bad at lunch?
Oh, man, did I tell you
about my math teacher?
He is the worst.
I'm your math teacher.
Oh, right,
I keep forgetting.
Great job, by the way.
You've really inspired me.
(phone beeps)
Good lord! Eight new messages.
Muscle Man, you have got to
tell your sister to back off.
What if Jaclyn
saw my phone right now?
Just put her in your phone
under a guy's name.
"Who's texting me? Why,
it's just Gary from work."
What? I have a life outside
this mountain, you know.
Gadgets can only take a gal
so far.
Ugh. Awful.
Hideous. I'm sorry,
Muscle Man.
No, I get it.
I saw those pictures too.
Hm.
That one's not so bad.
She looks pretty good
from this angle.
Wait a minute,
this isn't your sister.
It's Miss Sampson.
Oh, no!
Oh, no, no, no.
Prock's got a girlfriend!
Prock's got a girlfriend!
Yes, I do have a girlfriend,
and she's going to kill me.
I have to shut this thing down
right away.
Why am I so attractive to women?
(bell rings)
Hey, what's up,
dude?
Just getting my books
and going to class.
So how's Cait?
Still a fat little four-eyed
cootie factory?
(Pablo laughs)
Sorry, sorry!
He didn't mean it.
It's just that, uh,
it's so cool when you do that.
Really?
Yeah, it's totally badass.
Friends?
Uh, sure.
What do you say we get out
of here and have some fun?
(playful theme playing)
(cheering and laughing)
TIM:
♪ Look at me
I'm one of the cool kids ♪
♪ Having fun
And making a splash ♪
♪ Tearing up the town
With the cool kids ♪
♪ Gonna stomp and steal
And smash, yeah! ♪
♪ Look at me
I'm one of the cool kids ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
Bring me down ♪
(tires screeching)
(whimpering)
Uh-oh.
Okay,
we have 23 "no's."
And one maybe.
From Polite Man.
He was probably
just being polite.
Well, I think we might be
about to get our first "yes".
This guy
hates the Awesomes.
He's called...
The Super?
Yes, because he's the super
of this building.
And also because
he has superpowers.
Specifically, the power
to erase people's memories.
(suspenseful theme playing)
(door creaks)
I feel like
I'm forgetting something.
Nope,
nothing on the schedule.
Hey,
where the hell are we?
(in Indian accent):
Yes, very much!
PROCK:
I specifically told you
not to use your powers.
And you not only used them,
but you used them for evil?
I just wanted to be one
of the cool kids for once.
You are a superhero, Tim,
it doesn't get any cooler
than that. I mean, look at me.
I'm sorry, Prock,
it's just that I--
I don't want to hear
what it's "just".
You're "just" lucky
that nobody saw you or we'd have
Joyce Mandrake over here
revoking our charter right now.
You're incredibly lucky those
fishermen rescued those nuns.
FISHERMAN:
...and that's why I finally left
the Catholic Church.
(nuns coughing)
(praying)
(sobbing):
I'm sorry!
I promise from now on,
I'll just go to class
and do my homework.
I won't let you down again.
All right, okay,
don't cry, it's okay.
I did some pretty crazy things
at your age too.
One time, when I was
supposed to be at lunch
I snuck into
a physics class.
(jazzy theme playing)
(phone beeps)
Hey,
who's texting you?
Oh, it's just, um,
Gary from work. See?
Gary from work
misses you desperately?
Oh, yeah, he's, uh,
just having...
trouble with the copier.
Ugh,
those things are the worst.
What is he, out of toner?
Yeah.
(phone beeps)
Oh, and that's Larry from work.
"I'm not wearing
any underwear."
It's Casual Friday?
Today's Thursday.
I know, but the calendars
got misprinted, so...
Right. Because of the copier.
Yes, exactly!
Ugh! Could that copier
be any more terrible?
You know
what I love about you?
You're so honest.
Uh, ha, ha, yeah.
You're just, you know,
like a really good guy.
I know you will always be
faithful to me.
Yup, that's me.
Always faithful.
We have no secrets.
Nope.
Secrets do not exist between us.
(yelps)
Oh, no. My phone.
I am so mad at myself.
God,
you are so weird.
Why does it make me
so crazy?
(yelps)
(kissing sounds)
Listen, yesterday was fun
and everything,
but I can't
go with you guys today...
or ever.
What? But we're friends.
I stole you
that friendship bracelet.
Right. I'm sorry,
you guys are great,
but this phase of my life
is over, okay?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Okay, uh, we understand.
Great.
It's over? Just like that?
I was just starting
to like school again.
It's not over.
Hey, there. Knock, knock.
Am I interrupting?
Yeah, could you just hold on
a sec? I'm grading these--
Ah! But I have a girlfriend!
Hang on to your hats,
Spiro Agnew,
there's about to be
some serious destruction.
Attention,
teachers and students,
this is Officer Behnken
with a public safety
announcement.
Pay attention, kids,
safety is important.
We advise you to keep
a safe distance from student
Cait Walker. She has
a raging case of head lice,
which as we all know
is super contagious.
(bullies giggling)
Uh, also,
she smells like cat pee.
If you see this student,
please report her
to the Loser Police,
as she is a giant loser.
Can you connect me
with the Loser Police?
It's an emergency.
Uh, oops, gotta go.
Hey, you're not, uh,
mad, are you, Tim?
(growls)
I just felt it was important
to warn the school
about your weird
little unwashed girlfriend.
If you idiots had any souls at
all you'd know that Cait Walker
is the nicest, sweetest,
coolest person at this school.
And even though she only thinks
of me as a friend,
and I've never kissed a girl
before,
I love her.
I love her more than anything.
I wrote a love song for her too,
you heartless jerks.
♪ Cait,
You're like the sun ♪
♪ You make
Everything more fun ♪
♪ You make my
Heart go pitter pat ♪
♪ Like a sweet
Little kitty cat ♪
Wow.
Cool song, Tim.
Hey, did I mention
the mic is still on?
(feedback)
(dramatic theme playing)
Oh, sweet Tim...
(roars)
Uh-oh.
(grunting and yelling)
I'll get him.
(both yelling)
Whoa.
We have to stop him.
(children screaming)
Ha, ha!
You're wearing lipstick!
(yells)
Now, Muscle Man!
Pin him down!
I'm on it!
Nice tackle, Metal Fella.
Boy,
am I glad to see you.
Oh! Okay,
not on it!
(yelling)
What's that
on your face?
What? Oh. Lipstick.
Frantic!
Try the hose again.
Yeehaw!
I'm gonna hogtie this doggie
Lipstick?
You were kissing someone?
I know,
it's insane.
Gadget Gal,
now!
My whole life I've been
completely invisible to girls,
and now the second
I get a girlfriend,
they're suddenly
all over me.
Women are crazy.
(yells)
Right in the wontons!
Yes,
women are crazy,
especially any woman
who falls for you.
Okay...
Weird time
to randomly insult me.
(growls then yells)
(loud stomping)
(Muscle Man grunts)
Good luck
with your rogue team member.
Maybe you should try
kissing him.
Ow! Watch it!
Is it me,
or is Metal Fella
really sarcastic
all of a sudden?
(yelling)
(sirens wailing)
(chatter over radios)
(loud stomping)
(officers grunt)
(yells)
I got this.
I'm a guidance counselor.
Don't think of me
as an authority figure.
I'm more like
a really fun adult friend.
(screams)
Okay,
I'm out of ideas.
(plane engine roars)
The hard way or the easy way?
Ooh, a feisty one.
(Mama yelling)
That's enough.
Open fire on my command.
CAIT:
No!
You have super powers?
I know exactly
what you're going through.
You're not the only superhero
in public school.
Huh?
Do you think it was easy for me
to come to a new school
without any friends,
keep my super powers a secret,
and learn social studies
out of a 25-year-old book
that doesn't even mention
the Stanford prison experiment?
Of course not.
But school isn't just about
learning information,
it's about learning how to
handle yourself around people.
And you don't
have to be embarrassed.
Everybody gets it wrong
at first.
Now,
bring your cheek down here
so I can kiss it.
(tender theme playing)
(bell rings)
I may have destroyed the school,
but at least you guys
successfully protected me
from kidnappers.
Look, Tim,
I gotta level with you.
We weren't actually
worried about kidnappers.
We just couldn't stand the idea
of you going off on your own
into the terrifying world
of adolescence.
That's sweet.
Although you did a pretty
terrible job of protecting me.
I know. I guess
we just got caught up
in the drama
of middle school.
Ostensibly.
Hey! I used a big word!
I learned something!
Well, then I guess this wasn't
all a complete waste.
And I finally
got my diploma.
Frantic,
that's a parking ticket.
Oh, pssh!
I was wondering why'd they leave
my diploma on a car?
(all laughing)
So I don't got one?
(trucks beeping)
(bell rings)
ELLIOT:
Come here!
What do you want with me,
mister?
You took an Awesome
and turned him against his team.
Impressive.
Um, sure.
Hey,
nice purse.
You're a real troublemaker
aren't you?
Well, how'd you like to make
some trouble...
with us?
(Malocchio Jr. laughs)
(The Hold Steady's
"Chips Ahoy" playing)
♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪
♪ If you won't let me
Touch you? ♪
♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪
♪ If you won't even dance? ♪
♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪
♪ If you won't even dance? ♪
♪ Yeah, you won't even dance ♪
Previously on The Awesomes.
PROCK:
I did not kiss
Muscleman's sister.
Perfect Man, a quick reminder,
you're a fugitive now.
MALOCCHIO JR.:
I will have my vengeance!
MALOCCHIO JR.:
As you know,
the Awesomes must be destroyed.
And so today
I announce the formation
of a team of supervillains
dedicated solely
to that mission.
I give you...
"People Really Into Crime
and Killing Sprees."
The PRICKS.
I'm not a person.
Hm. Well, how about,
"Primates Really Into Crime
and Killing Sprees?"
That works.
You boys have been playing
up here for hours.
You must be starving.
We're not playing,
Mother!
We're building a team
of supervillains!
Well,
I brought sandwiches.
Do supervillains like the crust?
You have to tell me.
I don't know these things.
I like crust.
Oh, sorry, Ape-Man.
I cut the crust off.
Mom, can we discuss this later?
Sure, baby.
Now, are you ready
for your super powers?
(ominous theme playing)
(yelling)
I am Elliot Levy-Apelstein!
Your supervillain name
can't be your real name.
You have to come up with
something different.
Oh. How about Jeff?
I always liked the name Jeff.
Jeff Apelstein?
It's not great,
but sure that's fine.
(laughs maniacally)
Wait, so I'm elastic?
That's a stupid power.
(happy theme playing)
Oh, I thought that movie
would never end.
Well, at least Harry was able to
reconcile with the Hendersons.
(moans softly)
(romantic theme plays)
(yelps)
Why so jumpy?
I'm just excited to see you,
that's all. You know?
(yelps)
I love it when you get weird.
(romantic theme playing)
(moans)
(yelps)
PROCK:
I have to tell Jaclyn.
Do not tell Jaclyn.
I can't believe it.
I'm a cheater.
You're not a cheater.
It wasn't even your fault.
She kissed you.
And now your sister keeps
calling me, texting me.
I'm trying to ignore it, but--
Dude, if you tell Jaclyn,
she will totally never,
ever forgive you.
I thought you said
it wasn't my fault.
I know that. You know that.
But women don't think like us.
They are vicious,
evil creatures.
You see this scar?
Oh, wow.
A woman did that to you?
No.
When I was a little kid,
I fell on a rake.
That a woman put there.
Oh. Well,
I guess you're right.
(phone beeps)
I won't tell Jaclyn.
Wait, did you just send me
a naked picture of yourself?
I did? Hm,
I look pretty good.
Wait.
Oh, no. Oh, my God.
That's... my....
sister!
(screaming):
My eyes!
(phone beeps)
Okay,
now that one's you.
What do you think?
Can you tell I work out?
(The Hold Steady's
"The Awesomes Theme Song"
playing)
♪ This feels awesome ♪
♪ This feels awesome ♪
♪ Yeah, this feels awesome ♪
♪ Now, this feels awesome ♪
♪ This feels awesome ♪
♪ This feels so awesome ♪
I'm so bored, y'all.
I'm going for a run.
That'll kill some time.
Didn't help.
Hey,
Joyce Mandrake is here.
I have to hide!
(grunts)
Great hiding place.
You know,
a lot of super hero teams
will lock
their mountain fortresses.
Oh, my God! Perfect Man!
Oh, this? No, this is...
one of those cardboard cutouts
from the convenience store.
Yeah, see?
We mostly keep it around
to throw darts at.
Or dump garbage on.
Or do sexy things with.
Well...
(all gasp)
that makes sense.
(all sigh)
I guess it's just hard
to tell the difference
since the real Perfect Man
is also two-dimensional.
(all laugh)
Yeah,
Perfect Man is just a nickname.
His full name
is "Perfect-ly Boring Man."
(all laugh)
Now, to business.
Our records show
that Tim has not been to school
for over six months.
Since his parents
first went into hiding.
Well, you know,
crime doesn't wait until 2:55pm.
Power without knowledge can be
a very dangerous thing, Tim.
Not long ago there was an
incident with California Man.
California Man!
We need your help!
A giant robot
is destroying the capital.
Never fear,
dude.
To San Francisco.
GIRL:
Uh, it's Sacramento.
Yeah, Sacramento!
The capital is Sacramento!
Six hundred people
died that day.
So I have to go to school
because California Man
didn't know his state capitals?
More or less, yes.
This morning,
the president
signed a new bill into law.
The Underage Superhero
Education Act.
It mandates that any superhero
who is of school age
must be enrolled in school
and maintain a B average.
Man, I'm glad they didn't have
that law when I was a, um,
smaller me.
You mean, a kid?
Kid! That's it.
It was right
on the tip of my...
licking... muscle?
Wow.
So, I expect to see you
first thing Monday morning
at Spiro Agnew Middle School.
Ah, fine.
Great. Ta, Awesomes.
Is she gone?
Yup, you're safe.
Do you all really think
I'm two-dimensional?
Oh, don't feel bad,
Perfect Man.
Personality isn't everything.
Or in your case, anything.
(all laugh)
TIM:
Is there any reason why
everybody has to drive me
to school?
It's bad enough I'm getting
dropped off in a van.
Uh, yes,
dropped off...
And also, we're all
going to school with you.
What?
You're joking, right?
Oh, my God,
this is so embarrassing.
Tim, both of your parents were
assassins. There are people
who will do anything to get them
to come out of hiding.
Like kidnap you and chop off
your ear and mail it to them.
"Next time, it'll be his heart,"
they'll say.
That's a little extreme.
But the point is,
as you will no longer be
protected by the security
systems of Awesome mountain,
although we should probably stop
leaving the door unlocked,
you need the team around
you to keep you safe.
So let me get this straight,
all six of you
are coming with me?
Uh,
actually seven.
(whispers indistinctly)
Nope. Nope. Six.
I did Gadget Gal twice.
Many have.
I promise we won't embarrass
you. We'll be undercover.
Great.
Prock will be a teacher.
Gadget Gal
will be the lunch lady.
Frantic and Muscle Man,
you're students.
Oh, that's easy.
I can pretend to be a student.
CONCIERGE:
No, not pretend.
You are students.
Since neither of you
ever graduated
I just re-enrolled you
in the seventh grade.
Wait, you mean I skipped
fourth through sixth grade?
Hot buttered corn!
Book learnin', here I come!
I'll be school counselor,
because that way
kids will look up to me,
and Impresario,
you're the janitor.
I'll be the art teacher.
Why can't you be the janitor?
Oh, give me strength,
Dr. King.
I will be the art teacher
because I have
a Masters Degree in Design.
And I will not be the janitor
because I don't have
a Masters Degree in English.
(laughing)
Okay, great. Now,
Tim, it's very important
that you do not
use your powers in the school.
You have to control your temper.
If you start to get angry,
just think about
a beautiful sunset.
No Sumo. Okay?
Okay.
This is very important.
Okay, I got it!
Can I just hear you say it?
I don't want to get--
I get it!
(crash)
GADGET GAL:
You're crushing me!
IMPRESARIO (muffled):
Your diaper is on my face.
PROCK:
Okay, got it out of your system?
Let's go to school!
(bell rings)
(sighs)
You're new.
I'm Cait.
Tim.
Nice to meet you.
Let me give you
the lay of the land.
The best water fountain
is the one outside of the gym.
The water is super cold
and it's got a good arc to it.
It's not
one of those dribblers.
This is the cafetorium.
They serve breakfast and lunch,
and twice a year,
you can catch what is loosely
referred to as a "talent show."
Also, avoid the tartar sauce
if you value your life.
Here, let's go out this way.
Move it along,
butterball.
No pizza for fatty.
Miss Samson is a pushover.
Pretend you care about Social
Studies and you'll own her.
Oh, also, stay away from Pablo.
You can't miss him.
He's a giant kid
in a Hawaiian shirt.
If you need anything,
I'm at locker 117.
And your locker should be...
Uh-oh.
What?
I'll go get a teacher.
I'm totally fine. Don't worry,
I will see you at lunch.
Your funeral, tough guy.
(bell rings)
Hey, nice back pack,
Dora the Explorer.
Oh, my God, you totally look
like Dora the Explorer.
Except she's Mexican.
What are you going to explore,
your butt?
Nice!
Hi guys, my name is Tim.
Great to meet you, seriously.
You're just kind of blocking my
locker, so if you don't mind...
Oh, gosh! I'm so sorry.
The last thing I wanna do is get
between a nerd and his books.
(laughs)
Aw, books.
His only friends.
Can you reach your locker or
do you need a boost, Tiny Tim?
Beautiful sunset...
beautiful sunset...
I'm fine, but you
are really sweet to offer.
I hope you all
have a fantastic day.
(bell rings)
Okay, class,
I'd like to start out today
by talking about some of the
lesser artists of the early
Impressionist movement and
their influence on Modernism.
(all mutter)
(sighs)
I mean, who wants to make
some hand turkeys?
(class cheers)
Bunga no like Awesomes.
Yes, exactly,
that's why we're here.
Because we also
no like Awesomes.
So how would you like
to join forces with us,
and take down the Awesomes as
part of the most terrifying
and awe-inducing supervillain
team ever to walk the earth?
(laughs maniacally)
You? Supervillain?
(laughs)
Malocchio Jr.
is laughingstock.
Listen, you little--
Ah!
(explosion)
(Bunga laughs)
Bendy ape throw Bunga far!
Who's next?
(bell rings)
Hm. Wow.
Pretty easy for seventh graders.
I was doing this kind of thing
when I was six.
Okay...
Who did that?
BOY (mocking):
Who did that?
I'm serious.
Tell me right now.
(mocking):
I'm serious. Tell me right now.
Could you please stop,
Muscle Man?
Right, sorry.
Mr. Prock! Mr. Prock!
Can I go to the bathroom?
What time is recess?
Can we go on a field trip?
I'm sorry to interrupt your--
(all clamoring)
I was just wondering
if I could borrow some chalk.
Certainly, Mrs...
Miss. Sampson.
Certainly, Miss Sampson.
MUSCLE MAN: Nerd!
You'll figure it out.
You just have to be
tough with them and mean it.
Kids crave discipline.
So do I,
by the way.
If you like
we can have a drink later on
and I can give you
some pointers.
Um, what? Oh, uh...
I don't know if my girlfriend
would like that.
I have a girlfriend.
But thanks for the offer.
Did I mention
I have a girlfriend?
I should have known.
Good ones are always taken.
I'm always attracted
to unavailable men.
Well, if you change your mind,
I'm in room 114.
Mr. Prock,
I solved the equation.
So you just moved here
from Europe?
Where in Europe?
Uh, the north part.
Mm. Yeah,
I hear it's beautiful there.
Whoa, check it out,
Pablo.
The nerd
has a girlfriend.
I thought learning
was your girlfriend, nerd bird!
(laughs)
We're just friends
so you guys can relax.
What's up,
Four Eyes?
Get it? I'm counting
your glasses as two more eyes.
Now, listen--
Beautiful sunset...
(breathes deeply)
Beautiful sunset.
Great joke, guys!
Four Eyes. Nice!
Oh, ho,
Romeo doesn't like it
when you make fun
of Julia.
I think
you're thinking of Juliet.
He admits it.
He loves her.
I don't love her! I mean,
she's nice, but we just met.
Well, just be careful
you don't get head lice.
(whispering loudly):
Her family is poor.
(bullies laughing)
(roars)
That was the coolest thing
I ever saw!
(growling)
Is that
a Northern European thing?
Well, if I never see another
tater tot, it'll be too soon.
I’m trying to break through
to these students,
but they just don't
understand.
They see me
as an authority figure
when I'm really more like
a really fun adult friend.
Well,
I am killing it in school.
I mean,
at least in gym.
Not so much math, history,
social studies, English, lunch.
(grunts)
Damn it!
Why am I so bad at lunch?
Oh, man, did I tell you
about my math teacher?
He is the worst.
I'm your math teacher.
Oh, right,
I keep forgetting.
Great job, by the way.
You've really inspired me.
(phone beeps)
Good lord! Eight new messages.
Muscle Man, you have got to
tell your sister to back off.
What if Jaclyn
saw my phone right now?
Just put her in your phone
under a guy's name.
"Who's texting me? Why,
it's just Gary from work."
What? I have a life outside
this mountain, you know.
Gadgets can only take a gal
so far.
Ugh. Awful.
Hideous. I'm sorry,
Muscle Man.
No, I get it.
I saw those pictures too.
Hm.
That one's not so bad.
She looks pretty good
from this angle.
Wait a minute,
this isn't your sister.
It's Miss Sampson.
Oh, no!
Oh, no, no, no.
Prock's got a girlfriend!
Prock's got a girlfriend!
Yes, I do have a girlfriend,
and she's going to kill me.
I have to shut this thing down
right away.
Why am I so attractive to women?
(bell rings)
Hey, what's up,
dude?
Just getting my books
and going to class.
So how's Cait?
Still a fat little four-eyed
cootie factory?
(Pablo laughs)
Sorry, sorry!
He didn't mean it.
It's just that, uh,
it's so cool when you do that.
Really?
Yeah, it's totally badass.
Friends?
Uh, sure.
What do you say we get out
of here and have some fun?
(playful theme playing)
(cheering and laughing)
TIM:
♪ Look at me
I'm one of the cool kids ♪
♪ Having fun
And making a splash ♪
♪ Tearing up the town
With the cool kids ♪
♪ Gonna stomp and steal
And smash, yeah! ♪
♪ Look at me
I'm one of the cool kids ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
Bring me down ♪
(tires screeching)
(whimpering)
Uh-oh.
Okay,
we have 23 "no's."
And one maybe.
From Polite Man.
He was probably
just being polite.
Well, I think we might be
about to get our first "yes".
This guy
hates the Awesomes.
He's called...
The Super?
Yes, because he's the super
of this building.
And also because
he has superpowers.
Specifically, the power
to erase people's memories.
(suspenseful theme playing)
(door creaks)
I feel like
I'm forgetting something.
Nope,
nothing on the schedule.
Hey,
where the hell are we?
(in Indian accent):
Yes, very much!
PROCK:
I specifically told you
not to use your powers.
And you not only used them,
but you used them for evil?
I just wanted to be one
of the cool kids for once.
You are a superhero, Tim,
it doesn't get any cooler
than that. I mean, look at me.
I'm sorry, Prock,
it's just that I--
I don't want to hear
what it's "just".
You're "just" lucky
that nobody saw you or we'd have
Joyce Mandrake over here
revoking our charter right now.
You're incredibly lucky those
fishermen rescued those nuns.
FISHERMAN:
...and that's why I finally left
the Catholic Church.
(nuns coughing)
(praying)
(sobbing):
I'm sorry!
I promise from now on,
I'll just go to class
and do my homework.
I won't let you down again.
All right, okay,
don't cry, it's okay.
I did some pretty crazy things
at your age too.
One time, when I was
supposed to be at lunch
I snuck into
a physics class.
(jazzy theme playing)
(phone beeps)
Hey,
who's texting you?
Oh, it's just, um,
Gary from work. See?
Gary from work
misses you desperately?
Oh, yeah, he's, uh,
just having...
trouble with the copier.
Ugh,
those things are the worst.
What is he, out of toner?
Yeah.
(phone beeps)
Oh, and that's Larry from work.
"I'm not wearing
any underwear."
It's Casual Friday?
Today's Thursday.
I know, but the calendars
got misprinted, so...
Right. Because of the copier.
Yes, exactly!
Ugh! Could that copier
be any more terrible?
You know
what I love about you?
You're so honest.
Uh, ha, ha, yeah.
You're just, you know,
like a really good guy.
I know you will always be
faithful to me.
Yup, that's me.
Always faithful.
We have no secrets.
Nope.
Secrets do not exist between us.
(yelps)
Oh, no. My phone.
I am so mad at myself.
God,
you are so weird.
Why does it make me
so crazy?
(yelps)
(kissing sounds)
Listen, yesterday was fun
and everything,
but I can't
go with you guys today...
or ever.
What? But we're friends.
I stole you
that friendship bracelet.
Right. I'm sorry,
you guys are great,
but this phase of my life
is over, okay?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Okay, uh, we understand.
Great.
It's over? Just like that?
I was just starting
to like school again.
It's not over.
Hey, there. Knock, knock.
Am I interrupting?
Yeah, could you just hold on
a sec? I'm grading these--
Ah! But I have a girlfriend!
Hang on to your hats,
Spiro Agnew,
there's about to be
some serious destruction.
Attention,
teachers and students,
this is Officer Behnken
with a public safety
announcement.
Pay attention, kids,
safety is important.
We advise you to keep
a safe distance from student
Cait Walker. She has
a raging case of head lice,
which as we all know
is super contagious.
(bullies giggling)
Uh, also,
she smells like cat pee.
If you see this student,
please report her
to the Loser Police,
as she is a giant loser.
Can you connect me
with the Loser Police?
It's an emergency.
Uh, oops, gotta go.
Hey, you're not, uh,
mad, are you, Tim?
(growls)
I just felt it was important
to warn the school
about your weird
little unwashed girlfriend.
If you idiots had any souls at
all you'd know that Cait Walker
is the nicest, sweetest,
coolest person at this school.
And even though she only thinks
of me as a friend,
and I've never kissed a girl
before,
I love her.
I love her more than anything.
I wrote a love song for her too,
you heartless jerks.
♪ Cait,
You're like the sun ♪
♪ You make
Everything more fun ♪
♪ You make my
Heart go pitter pat ♪
♪ Like a sweet
Little kitty cat ♪
Wow.
Cool song, Tim.
Hey, did I mention
the mic is still on?
(feedback)
(dramatic theme playing)
Oh, sweet Tim...
(roars)
Uh-oh.
(grunting and yelling)
I'll get him.
(both yelling)
Whoa.
We have to stop him.
(children screaming)
Ha, ha!
You're wearing lipstick!
(yells)
Now, Muscle Man!
Pin him down!
I'm on it!
Nice tackle, Metal Fella.
Boy,
am I glad to see you.
Oh! Okay,
not on it!
(yelling)
What's that
on your face?
What? Oh. Lipstick.
Frantic!
Try the hose again.
Yeehaw!
I'm gonna hogtie this doggie
Lipstick?
You were kissing someone?
I know,
it's insane.
Gadget Gal,
now!
My whole life I've been
completely invisible to girls,
and now the second
I get a girlfriend,
they're suddenly
all over me.
Women are crazy.
(yells)
Right in the wontons!
Yes,
women are crazy,
especially any woman
who falls for you.
Okay...
Weird time
to randomly insult me.
(growls then yells)
(loud stomping)
(Muscle Man grunts)
Good luck
with your rogue team member.
Maybe you should try
kissing him.
Ow! Watch it!
Is it me,
or is Metal Fella
really sarcastic
all of a sudden?
(yelling)
(sirens wailing)
(chatter over radios)
(loud stomping)
(officers grunt)
(yells)
I got this.
I'm a guidance counselor.
Don't think of me
as an authority figure.
I'm more like
a really fun adult friend.
(screams)
Okay,
I'm out of ideas.
(plane engine roars)
The hard way or the easy way?
Ooh, a feisty one.
(Mama yelling)
That's enough.
Open fire on my command.
CAIT:
No!
You have super powers?
I know exactly
what you're going through.
You're not the only superhero
in public school.
Huh?
Do you think it was easy for me
to come to a new school
without any friends,
keep my super powers a secret,
and learn social studies
out of a 25-year-old book
that doesn't even mention
the Stanford prison experiment?
Of course not.
But school isn't just about
learning information,
it's about learning how to
handle yourself around people.
And you don't
have to be embarrassed.
Everybody gets it wrong
at first.
Now,
bring your cheek down here
so I can kiss it.
(tender theme playing)
(bell rings)
I may have destroyed the school,
but at least you guys
successfully protected me
from kidnappers.
Look, Tim,
I gotta level with you.
We weren't actually
worried about kidnappers.
We just couldn't stand the idea
of you going off on your own
into the terrifying world
of adolescence.
That's sweet.
Although you did a pretty
terrible job of protecting me.
I know. I guess
we just got caught up
in the drama
of middle school.
Ostensibly.
Hey! I used a big word!
I learned something!
Well, then I guess this wasn't
all a complete waste.
And I finally
got my diploma.
Frantic,
that's a parking ticket.
Oh, pssh!
I was wondering why'd they leave
my diploma on a car?
(all laughing)
So I don't got one?
(trucks beeping)
(bell rings)
ELLIOT:
Come here!
What do you want with me,
mister?
You took an Awesome
and turned him against his team.
Impressive.
Um, sure.
Hey,
nice purse.
You're a real troublemaker
aren't you?
Well, how'd you like to make
some trouble...
with us?
(Malocchio Jr. laughs)
(The Hold Steady's
"Chips Ahoy" playing)
♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪
♪ If you won't let me
Touch you? ♪
♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪
♪ If you won't even dance? ♪
♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪
♪ If you won't even dance? ♪
♪ Yeah, you won't even dance ♪