The Awesomes (2013–2015): Season 2, Episode 10 - Day of Awesomes, Part 2 - full transcript

Previously on The Awesomes:

PROCK:
He's building a team
of villains.

An evil version
of the Awesomes.

When we get back, you will die,

along with every other living
creature on the planet!

( all yelling )

Where are we?

It's a portal! To another world!

Which world?
I don't know!

Mattress World?
Probably not.

Boy Meets World?
That's not a world!



I hope I get to meet Mr. Feeny.

( all yelling )

How do you feel?

I'm going to be honest with you.
I'm still evil.

What? I don't get credit
for being honest?

I don't know what to tell you.
You just told me you're evil.

I can't win with you.

COMPUTER VOICE:
Enzyme enrichment failed
to bond with infected cells

due to evil cell replication.

So the evil cells are so strong
that they keep growing back?

Affirmative.

Well, I've tried everything,
but nothing works.

I guess I'll just shoot you
into the sun.

What?
I'm sorry, Dr. Malocchio.



I know it's not your fault
you turned evil.

You're an evil villain,
what do you want me to do?

But I hate the sun.
I have no choice.

I sunburn easily.
Wear a hat.

Do you have any sunscreen?

My dermatologist is
not going to like this.

COMPUTER VOICE:
Ten, nine...

The sun is like the worst
place for me to go.

I'm very cold-blooded.
Funny, I'm very hot-blooded.

Six...

Don't supposed you'd be willing

to lend me some of your blood
before I go?

Yeah, right. Wait! That's it!

I know how I can turn you
good again!

How's that?
Blood.

This is a weird day.

( The Hold Steady's
"The Awesomes Theme Song"
playing )

♪ This feels awesome ♪

♪ This feels awesome ♪

♪ Yeah, this feels awesome ♪

♪ Now, this feels awesome ♪

♪ This feels awesome ♪

♪ This feels so awesome ♪

( mysterious theme playing )

Finally, a place
I don't have to

spend any money
on my girlfriend.

Zeeb Zlob. Zeeb Zlob.

I want zeeb zlobs!
( growls )

Wow, this place is crazy.

( in Hotwire's voice )
Wow, this place is crazy.

Hey, that bird
sounds like you!

( in Frantic's voice )
Hey, that bird sounds like you!

Ha, ha!
( barks )

Aw, look at the cute
little puppy.

Frantic, be careful.

( belches )
I'm fine.

I am sticky all over.
Reminds me of the time--

I so don't want to hear
the end of that sentence.

( groaning )

Oh, no! Heads up!

Hey, Frantic, better cut back
on the carbs.

( in Muscleman's voice )
Hey, Frantic, better cut back
on the carbs.

( all laughing )
I just said that.

That bird
is hilarious.

Okay, but let's stay focused,
we have to find Malocchio Jr.

Fifteen weeblits
for a zeeb zlob?

PABLO:
How far is this thing?

LOLA:
You didn't tell us
we'd be walking.

I'm not wearing the right shoes
for this.

Try it in heels, sister!
Or feet with opposable thumbs.

At least you have thumbs.

Okay guys, calm down.

It shouldn't be much farther.

But why are we
even walking?

Couldn't Evil Impresario
just conjure something up?

Yeah, big man, how about
a plane? Or a magic carpet?

Or a giant bird. With boobs.

Oh. Or maybe just flying boobs.

Or they don't even have to fly.
Just boobs.

Yeah, can you make boobs?

I'm not letting you people
in one of my conjures!

Look at your shoes.

No, no, ma'am.

No alien mud on my conjures.

Will you all just
please calm down!

We can't be a proper team
of bad guys

if you keep getting mad
all the time!

I don't think
that tracks.

( dramatic theme playing )

Now that Spaldetta
is having her ladies night,

I can finally have some me time.

( sighs )

( aliens garbling )

( woman screaming )

PROCK:
Malocchio Jr. must have used

our Dimensional Modulator
to create a portal.

But why a portal to here? What's
so special about this planet?

Oh, look, a cute little--
Frantic, don't!

( growls )

( grunts )

( all gasp )

( all screaming )

( shrieks )
( all screaming )

Dad?

CONCIERGE:
It's The Awesomes' space ship.

The old one.
I know this bird.

We lost her
in the battle with--

The Veggie Master.

PROCK:
The Veggie Master
was a black market

organic farmer
turned eco-terrorist

who built a Terraformer
to turn entire planets

into lush vegetable gardens,

destroying all forms of
indigenous life in the process.

My father finally stopped
Veggie Master here...

But not before he set his
device off one final time.

GADGET GAL:
Mr. Awesome's super powers
allowed him to survive,

until we could finally
rescue him.

PROCK:
Before they found him,
my dad managed

to hide the device
in an ancient temple,

keeping it safe from
future criminals. Until now.

That must be why
Malocchio Jr. is here.

To find the Terraformer
and use it...

on Earth.

( laughing maniacally )

There it is.

It's a temple.

Do we have to
do Jewish stuff?

'Cause I'm totally lost
with Jewish stuff.

( screaming )

( bell ringing )
Ooh, zeeb zlobs.

You want to give me
your blood?

All along I've been trying
to figure out a way

to purge your system
of the cells

infected with the evil serum.

But those cells
are pretty tough.

They are the cells
that give me super powers.

They are, in essence,
super cells.

So we'll need some super duper
cells to take them down.

Which are contained in...
your blood.

Exactly. I'm giving you
a massive blood transfusion.

Do I get a cookie?

No, no, no. That's when you give
blood, not when you get blood.

Hm.
Can I have half of your cookie?

Sure.

MALOCCHIO JR.:
And with that,
I will be able to do

what my father was never
able to accomplish.

Give shorter speeches?
No!

Any super villain
can rule the Earth,

but I will use the device
to create

an entirely new Earth
in my image,

where plants and trees
and flowers can flourish,

and where everyone else is dead.

( laughing maniacally )

For years plants
have gotten no respect.

We take them for granted,
we use them,

we literally walk all over them.

And all they want is every once
in a while a little thank you.

Hey, plant, great job.
We noticed you're working hard,

and we appreciate it.

Is this supposed
to be a metaphor?

Because
I failed English.

But now the meek
shall inherit the Earth,

and who is meeker
than a plant?

( laughs )

( roars )

Santa, use your mind control
of animals

to calm those beasts down.

( growling then panting )

Now we need to get across.
And since Evil Impresario

won't let us step
on his conjurings...

Hmph! That's right.
I'm on it.

( dramatic theme playing )

We need a key.

Actually,
we need a lot of keys.

And they need to be turned
simultaneously.

( suspenseful theme playing )

Hey, I found another one.

My father must have been leaving
these symbols to mark a path.

We just have
to follow them.

( dramatic theme playing )

I think we found
our temple.

This must be
so hard for you.

I know how close you are
with your brother.

It's okay.
I just know

that when we find him,
I can really talk to him,

and I can make him understand
that what he's doing is wrong.

Hotwire, he injected evil serum
into his veins.

You can't talk someone down
from that.

You think I don't know

how evil serum works?
No, no. Of course you do.

You don't know my brother
like I do.

Before my dad took the serum,
he was good,

but he was always a little bit
cold, sometimes distant.

And the serum magnified that.

But my brother, it's different.

Giuseppe's never been anything
but warm, kind, compassionate.

He may have lost his way,
but underneath it all,

I just know he could never
truly hurt anyone.

( roaring )

( suspenseful theme playing )

( grunts )

( screams )

( grunts )

( people screaming )

The Awesomes are still
nowhere to be found.

We have every other hero
on the case,

but there are just
too many aliens,

and they're just
too powerful

for what remains
of our superhero force.

If there's anyone out there
who can save us,

please come forward.

We need a true hero,
now more than ever.

We need a true hero
to save us all.

If you are out there,
you're our only hope.

( belches ):
Ooh.

I should not have eaten
that zeeb zlob.

WOMAN:
Ten tips for dealing
with an alien invasion.

Number ten.
Have a freshly dug grave ready,

so when they kill you,
whatever body parts are left

are ready for burial.

( dramatic theme playing )

( both roar )

Lola, use your powers
to make them turn on each other.

( both speaking alien language )

( suspenseful theme playing )

( Malocchio Jr. shrieks )

And now the final test.

A test of intelligence,
a mathematical riddle.

If I press the right button,
the doors open,

and we get the device.

But if I press the wrong one...

Luckily, as an accountant,
I am very qualified

to figure out
a numerical puzzle.

Mm-hm. Mm. That's it.

Okay, maybe not that one.

Uh, let's see.
Let's see.

( mutters )

There.

( suspenseful theme playing )

UNCLE APE:
Remind me never to have you
do my taxes.

Who designed this temple,
the kid from Home Alone?

Okay, let's see.

I believe it should be
this button here.

Yeah, because that's the only
one you didn't press yet.

Right.

( suspenseful theme playing )

Now all we have to do is
transport the Terraformer

back to Earth, and soon
the world will be ours.

Ha, ha. I love watching
weak people move things.

What are you doing here?
Well, hello, Awesomes.

Glad you could be here
to witness my greatest triumph.

You can put your shoes
back on now.

Oh, they took their shoes off.
How did we not think of that?

( screaming )

( shrieks )

You guys cover us
while we get the Terraformer!

( roars )

Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

Damn it!

Try tilting it.

No, the other way!

( suspenseful theme playing )

Unh!
Let me out of here, you pig!

Come on, tilt it!

No, no, no,
top side back. Top-- No!

( suspenseful theme playing )

Hey... Oh!

To Earth!

Hey, what about us?
Uh, we'll come back for you.

Stop him!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

( grunts )

( both screaming )

Oh, no, no, no!

I can't be responsible
for killing Santa again.

It's okay, it's okay.
We're gonna fix you right up.

It's over, Malocchio Jr.

What am I sewed on to?

I'm gonna go
with giant slug?

Oh, god.

He's right.
If you surrender now,

we'll make sure
you get a fair trial.

( laughs )

You idiots.
You left the portal open,

which means I don't have to get
the Device back to Earth.

I can shoot
the Terraforming beam

through the portal
from right here.

( shrieks )

Wait.

Sister, would you like
to do the honors?

You don't have to do this,
Giuseppe.

This is not who you are.
I know you.

I know that there's
still good inside you.

( dramatic theme playing )

( shrieks )

( Malocchio Jr. laughs )

You stupid girl.

What part of "irreversibly evil
serum" don't you understand?

DEVICE:
Powering up. Terraform begins
in two minutes.

( dramatic theme playing )

Looks like this is the end.

I guess they never found
that hero they were looking for.

We're gonna have
to repopulate the Earth.

And if we repopulate the Earth
with your friends...

What?
The rules are different now.

( crowd screaming,
creatures roaring )

I'm sorry, Spaldetta, okay?

Of course
I only have eyes for you.

Spaldetta,
don't look at me like that.

I-- I love you.

There, I said it.

( air rasping )

Spaldetta!

I will avenge you!

Damn it.
Grabbed the wrong costume.

Zeeb Zlob.

( creatures roaring )

( baby crying )

Sorry.

Waah!

DEVICE: Force Field activated.
( grunts )

There's nothing
you can do now, Awesomes.

( dramatic theme playing )

( roars )

DEVICE:
Ninety seconds.

( shrieks )

( suspenseful theme playing )

Hey, Malocchio, nice purse.
Nice try, Gadget Gal.

My voice is the only thing that
can penetrate that force field.

You're not gonna get me
to shriek anywhere near it.

PROCK:
That's it.

DEVICE:
Sixty seconds.

No!
Aah!

Let me go, Jaclyn!
This is not a good time!

You did this to me, Prock!
You turned me into this!

Stop. I just need
to push her off and then...

Ugh. That's not gonna work.
She broke my arm.

If I'm gonna get up that hill
and stop Malocchio Jr.,

I have to talk Jaclyn
out of being mad.

But what could I say
that I haven't already tried?

She won't listen because
she still has feelings for me.

If I can get her to stop
having feelings for me,

she'll finally be able to think
about things rationally.

But how can I get her
to lose interest?

Oh! The Rhode Island story!
Start.

This reminds me of this
gas station in Rhode Island.

What?
It's a funny story.

We were driving down 95...
CONCIERGE: Ugh.

Thirty seconds
till the end of the world,

and I have to listen to Prock's
Rhode Island story?

But the car,
it could only use premium gas.

Must attack Prock...

Ugh. But so bored...

Ninety-one, which probably
would've been okay except...

Who cares if you're dating
someone else? You're the worst.

Now I just feel bad for Hotwire.
Ha. Yeah.

Hey, can you carry me
up that hill?

I broke my arm.
Oh, sure.

I mean, how did I ever look at
this and think, "I want that"?

You can set me down
right over here.

( grunts )
( squawks )

Now I just need Malocchio Jr.
to shriek.

DEVICE: Fifteen seconds.
Oh!

Stop it right there,
Giuseppe Malocchio.

Excuse me?
I am taking you down.

As Special Prosecutor
Jaclyn Stone,

I will make sure you go away
for the rest of your life.

And while super villains are
respected and feared in prison,

the inmates are a lot harder
on second-rate knockoff

children of super villains.

Jaclyn!

( shrieking )

DEVICE:
Three, two, one.

( mimics Malocchio Jr. shriek )

No!

Ha, ha, ha!
Now do Christopher Walken.

( squawks )

Hey, hey, hey.
Shoes off, please.

I don't get it.
If you took the serum,

how were you able to turn good?
I never took the serum.

By the time I got recruited,
Malocchio Jr. had run out.

Then how did you have
super-strength and super-speed?

I'm a very intense person

when I'm angry.
That is true.

( heroic theme playing )

( roars )

( both speaking
alien language )

Doctor, can you help her?

I don't know, um, if I--
Uh... Hm.

Damn it,
I just saved the world.

Guys, you came
to help me through this.

Actually we came
for Frantic.

Anything happen
while we were gone?

( dramatic theme playing )

With great respect and
admiration, it is my pleasure

to once again award Perfect Man
our highest honor,

the Superhero Medal
of Heroics.

Been awhile since I got one.
Thanks.

And, of course, a presidential
pardon of all past crimes.

Here's the bill
for fixing the portal.

$95,000?

You tore the space-time
continuum. That's not cheap.

What are you bringing this
to me for?

They said you were, like,
the treasurer.

I'm the Sergeant at Arms.
Remember?

We just had that election.
Just put it on his card.

( sighs ):
At least Madame Hunchback's
going back to France,

so I'll save a little money.
Oh, you didn't hear?

She can't go back. France
got destroyed by the aliens.

Those are my kind of aliens.
Oh, no.

Are you serious?
Can't go back to France

'cause it got destroyed
by some aliens, huh?

Just my luck. Every time
I want to save some money,

nobody gives me
the chance.

And that was the scene
at the White House,

while later today
Malocchio Jr.

and his evil team The Pricks
were escorted to prison,

convicted of a much less
publicized plot

to destroy the world
before they were stopped by...

Who were they
stopped by again?

Hold on.
Breaking news.

Perfect Man has just won
another award.

Prock, we've known each other
a long time.

And the public
might not know it,

but you and I both know
you deserve this award

as much as I do.
Well, I think all the Awesomes--

I'd like to give you
one of my trophies.

PROCK:
A 1986 Little League
championship, fifth place.

I also won
first through fourth.

Well, the important thing is,
the world didn't get destroyed.

You were right, Prock.
My brother couldn't be saved.

I thought
I knew him, but...

PROCK:
You do know him,
and you're right.

There is still a good person
somewhere underneath all that,

and someday someone's
going to come up with

an evil serum antidote, and
you'll get your brother back.

It's just
a matter of time.

( dramatic theme playing )

( shrieks )

( mimics shriek )

( shrieking continues )

What the hell?

COMPUTER:
Serum purge successful.

Diagnostic confirms
serum has been purged.

Welcome back, old friend.

( alarm blaring )

( dramatic theme playing )

What the hell?

( squishing )

Conversion complete.

You mean his serum
got into my blood?

Affirmative.
Luckily, I have

really good will power,
so I'm sure I won't turn...

evil.

If it makes you feel any better,
I'm pretty sure I'm good again.

So can I have
that cookie now?

( The Hold Steady's
"Chips Ahoy" playing )

♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪

♪ If you won't let me
Touch you? ♪

♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪

♪ If you won't even dance? ♪

♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪

♪ If you won't even dance? ♪

♪ Yeah, you won't even dance ♪