The Awesomes (2013–2015): Season 1, Episode 3 - Baby Got Backstory - full transcript

We can do this. You ready?
ALL: Yeah!

( roars )

Hit him!

( screeches )

Okay. Sorta good.

But, Muscleman, maybe without
destroying buildings.

On it.

PROCK:
Nice move, Gadget,
but watch where--

Uh-oh, I'm at DefCon 4 baby!

I think I got a Toyota Tercel
on my behind.

Jeez. Sumo!
Nail that cockroach.



( grunts )

( screeches )

Nice. Okay, Hotwire,
give him the juice.

But first, make sure
that Muscleman is--

( electricity crackles )

Yeah! Roaches check in,
but they don't check out.

Impresario! The team
wasn't clear yet, we-- Damn.

Frantic, run in and form a--
FRANTIC: On it!

( coughing ):
Frantic, you're
just sending the gas

right into the city.

( roars )

Sorry.
Can I get a time out?

I need to powder my nose.

Ugh. Man.
End simulation.



You have to pee again?
Sorry, girlie.

My body may have been dosed
with a reverse aging ray,

turning me
into this hot tamale,

but my bladder still thinks
I'm 80 years old.

I'll go with you.
Some girl time.

I don't do that,
Hotwire.

I've always been pee shy
since the Korean war.

Those sneaky little fellas
always liked to grab a look.

Oh, no, no, I wouldn't--
Flying solo!

You guys did a good job on that.
The teamwork is better,

but you're not anticipating
each other's actions.

The group
has to start developing

a more unspoken language.

You just have to,
well, you know,

get more familiar
with each other.

I see where this is going.
If we're going to have an orgy,

there are like fifty things
I should go grab from my room.

No, I mean, we--
( alarm blaring )

PROCK:
What's happening?

Why are we in lockdown?
Did anyone touch anything?

We're in Rock Down? I love
to rock down. Whoo-hoo!

Lockdown. The Holographic
Image Projection

Integration Engine Room
is in lockdown.

It's so much faster if you
just call it the HIPIER.

I don't know. Makes it sound
like the room is getting chunky.

"These skinny leg jeans
make me look HIPIER."

Focus, please. Lockdown
means we're stuck in here.

Well, that's a problem.
We have to postpone the orgy,

because I have like
50 things in my room

specifically
for my first orgy.

That's not our only problem.
I've got company.

Tom Boy is here.

Tom Boy? That's
Gadget Gal's archenemy.

How did she get
into Awesome Mountain?

That's okay. I've been taking
down bad guys for 50 years.

And this is just one more.

But I really do have to pee.

( dramatic theme playing )

DR. MALOCCHIO:
What news do we have?
Is it happening?

Yes, Dr. Malocchio.
The Awesomes are trapped.

DR. MALOCCHIO:
Heh, heh. Wonderful.
All is going exactly as planned.

Now all we have to do...
is wait.

Or we could get sushi
and come back.

Ooh, sushi. Yes.

( The Hold Steady's
"The Awesomes Theme Song"
playing )

♪ This feels awesome ♪

♪ This feels awesome ♪

♪ Yeah, this feels awesome ♪

♪ Now, this feels awesome ♪

♪ This feels awesome ♪

♪ This feels so awesome ♪

( dramatic theme playing )

Muscleman, Sumo,
you can't knock the door down.

It's protected by a force field.

We know, but this is a good
work out for the lats.

That's it. Keep the knees bent,
tone up your glutes.

Gadget Gal, are you okay?

Fit as a fiddle.
How's it going there, Tom Boy?

Oh, I'm just peachy,
Gadget Gal. You?

Can't complain.
Out for a stroll?

Headed for
the little girl's room.

Well, you may get a few breaks,

but one of them won't be
a pee break.

Classy.
I try.

Try harder.
I will.

Big talk.
It ain't talk.

Funny, 'cause
that's all you're doing.

I'm not-- Sorry.
I lost the thread there.

All I'm doing is...?
Talking.

Got it. Thank you.
Talk is cheap.

And you're
a cheap date, sister.

If that ain't the kettle,
I'm Mamie Eisenhower.

You're a nickel
a dance, Mary.

More like a dime.

Good lord,
they fight so boring.

Seriously.
I barely understand them.

Here, use this.

Gadget, lay her out.
Smack her right in the kisser.

There's more than one way
to skin a cat.

Um, give her a taste
of her own medicine.

You ain't just whistlin' Dixie,
Professor Doctor.

Oh, that's in here.

I seem to have hit
a bit of a snafu.

What?
I don't have my purse.

( dramatic theme playing )

( trigger clicks )

How did this happen?

Prock, you're smart.
You'll fix it.

That's the whole problem.
I created this program.

It's designed to counter
all of our abilities.

Why would you do that?
I was worried Dr. Malocchio

would take over
one of their minds,

turn them into traitors.
Traitors? Them?

I know. I hate to think it too,
but this lockdown got enacted

by someone in here
or someone out there.

Hotwire,
you have to remember,

when Dr. Malocchio is
at large, don't trust anyone.

Except me, of course.
And I'll trust you.

You and I will be
trust buddies.

Gadget Gal, I'm sorry.
We'll keep trying to get out.

You try and hang in and, um,

remain being the bee's knees.

Oh, you don't worry
about me, Dolly.

You worry about Captain
Butch Pants over there.

My name is Tom Boy.

I haven't gone by Captain
Butch Pants since the 70's.

Goddamn feminists.

We really can't
get out of here?

Not for awhile.
That dumb computer

runs a diagnostic scan
that won't let us out

until it knows our minds
haven't been compromised.

How long does it take?
Two damn hours.

Two hours of us stuck in here
while our teammate

fights for her life
inside our headquarters.

Oh, so we can't get out?

Dude. Dude, dude, dude,
dude, dude, dude!

We should tell stories,
to each other!

About our pasts and stuff!

Huddle up! Huddle up!
Origin stories, y'all!

Full on, flashback,
how you got your superpowers.

Origin stories. Like real
superheroes!

PROCK:
We are not going to sit around
and tell stories.

We have a teammate
who is out there-- Hey!

Is this hot cocoa with milk?
It's phenomenal.

No, no, no.
This is not how a team acts

when a member is in danger.

I'm on fire! I'm on fire!

Ah. Thank you.
Now, where was I?

Right. No origin stories.

I don't know. You did say
we're trapped for 2 hours.

And it might be an opportune
time for some bonding.

You said we needed to strengthen
our unspoken language.

We may even glean
some information

that would benefit the team
in the field.

Yes! Gleaning sounds like
something we should do.

What about you, Tim? What was it
like when you got your powers?

Well, I don't have
too much to say about it.

I've always had my powers.

DOCTOR:
Just one more push.

( woman grunts )
There he is!

It's a boy!

( cries then roars )

Our insurance
had better cover this.

That it?
Yep.

Well, then I destroyed
a TJ Maxx in Alameda.

I love TJ Maxx.
I'm a Maxxinista.

I can't do this.

Gadget Gal is out
fighting on her own,

and we're in here talking.

Gadget?
You okay?

GADGET:
I've had to do a little
jerry-rigging!

But I'm hanging in there like

Eleanor Roosevelt in '45.

Sucks to be you,
don't it?

You ready to call "uncle?"

Yes...

but that's why
I brought some friends.

GADGET:
The Bowling Team...

Wanna roll a few frames?

Gadget Gal,
status report.

I'm fine,
Prock!

( crash )

I got her on the ropes!

Looks like I can pick up
a spare!

This is one pin
that'll never go dow--

( yelps )

Jinxed myself.

That doesn't sound good.

Oh, my God,
Gadget Gal's gonna die?

And there's nothing
we can do about it?

Eh, whatever. Let's get back to
the origin stories!

What about you,
Concierge?

How'd you get mixed up
in this game?

Oh, you don't want to hear
about me.

I don't have superpowers,
or anything special.

That's true. But I'm not really
paying attention.

Fine.

It all started for me when I was
a little girl...

It began at the
Semi-Regional Pre-Junior

Miss Teen of
Baton Rouge Pageant.

I thought I wanted that crown
so bad,

but then I found something
I wanted more...

The caterer is three hours late,
channel 9 says our event

isn't "newsworthy" enough
to send a reporter

and Victor Amberson
who only ever just sang

"Here comes
Little Miss Wonderful"

every single time we did this
pageant lost his voice!

Shoot and scramble eggs.

Darling,
could you hold this for me

for just two shakes?

What?
What is this?

Oh,
just my day planner.

Something awakened in me.

Something I never felt before.

It was like I saw the world
for the first time.

I could see it all.

I wanted to be...
organized.

Hey Dolly,
you must have someone there

who can drive the catering van?

Well, if she's got a driver's
permit it's legal,

just put an elderly person
sitting shotgun,thank you!

Hey there,
Channel 9?

I'm at the Pre Junior

Miss Teen
of Baton Rouge Pageant.

One of the girls just walked on
stage with a bomb strapped

to her chest.
Might wanna get down here.

Hey Janitor, can you sing?
I can carry a tune.

Get him in a tuxedo. Also, we
need a generator.

Why do we need
a generator?

Because those hair dryers are
about to blow your power.

( all gasp )

Can I get
a damn latte up in here?

And after years of training,

I have learned to get what
people need.

I became the Concierge.

So... did the girl with the bomb
blow herself up?

You're an idiot.
How about you Hotwire?

How did you get started?

Oh, you know,
it's not that interesting.

It's okay. Concierge was boring

and we didn't mind.
I thought you weren't listening.

Listening to what?

Oh,
come on Hotwire.

I think I speak for all of us
when I say

we'd like to know more about
you, and if possible,

everything about you.
We just think you're great.

I'm speaking for all of us,
not just me.

I thought you were too worried
about Gadget Gal

to hear origin stories.
Gadget Gal is going to die,

and we should just
come to terms with that.

Ready when you are, Hotwire.
No, no, I really mean it.

There isn't much to tell.

Um, I'm from Portland.

My dad taught social studies,
my mom sold real estate.

I got my powers
when I was sixteen.

I always read comics,
so I thought being a superhero

would be crazy amazing.
You read comics?

I read comics too.

I was way into hero comics
until I was about 14,

then I got into goth books.
I wore all black,

played a lot of Morrissey and
they put me on antidepressants.

Do you like fantasy novels?
Hotwire,

I thought you said
your dad taught math.

Oh, yeah.
He taught math for a few years,

but it was mainly
social studies.

You ever read any
Hervert Wintanson?

I was totally obsessed with his
Dark Crimson Unicorn series.

I even stalked him
at his house.

Cool. What about you,
Impresario?

You're from Atlanta?

Yeah.
The Big Peach. The A.

Hotlanta.
The A-town.

Man,
I hated it there.

I had my own style.

My own way
of looking at the world.

My own way
of being in the world.

But not everyone
appreciated it.

( screams )

They just don't understand you,
baby.

You see the world differently
than them.

Your head is so full of ideas.

You just look around and see
what you can create.

That makes you special,
baby.

Maybe I don't want to be
special.

Darling,
I don't think you have a choice.

But then one day,
when I was communing

with nature,
which I often did.

I mean,
if I had the right coat that

blended with
an outdoor palette.

Then I saw it.

And it was like...

it spoke to me.

It could be magic.

It could be
from an alien world.

I didn't know
what the stone was,

I still don't.
But I could feel right away

what it could do!

Ha, ha.
Look at that guy.

Oh, how I do enjoy teasing
people on their appearance.

IMPRESARIO:
Y'all just don't have any sense.

Sense of style,
that is.

You're right baby!

I think these hoodlums
need a make over!

( cutting and slicing )

And I have been conjuring all
kinds of style ever since.

But why do you
always make your mom?

Don't.
I love my momma.

I love my mom too, but...

Stop, don't even,
just, stop...

My momma is an inspiration.

She gave me the encouragement
to be the man I am.

MOM:
And I am so proud of you baby!

I can even hear her right now.
I can hear her too.

Jeez, now I'm getting weird
about his mom.

No, it's coming
from the intercom.

Hello?
Mrs. Sullivan?

Yeah, how you doing,
Professor Doctor?

Momma? Is that you?

Yeah, I came for a visit.
Is now a bad time?

Momma,
what are you doing here?

I was just coming by to see how
you were doing.

I wanted to meet
all your new friends,

I brought some
banana bread.

Do not
make me come over there.

That's right babydoll,
get momma out there

so I can save mommma!

It won't work, Impresario.
We're in lock down.

And I programmed the
defenses to neutralize

each of our abilities.

Prock, you're too smart
for your own damn good!

Yeah,
he's always been like that.

Even since we were kids.

You guys knew each other when
you were kids?

Origin story!

It all began years ago...

The Awesomes were at the top
of their game.

Prock's dad Mr. Awesome,
leading the charge,

and my dad, Muscleman,
like my granddad,

was carrying on
the Muscleman tradition.

Me and Prock were too young to
join the team,

so we became the teenage crime
fighting duo of...

Brains and Brawn!

MAN SINGING:
♪ Brains and Brawn
Brains and Brawn ♪

♪ One does the thinking
and the other is strong ♪

♪ Brains and Brawn
Brains and Brawn ♪

♪ Fighting for justice
From dusk until dawn ♪

♪ One is a genius
The other is brawn ♪

♪ Hooray for Brains and Brawn
Brains and Brawn ♪

PROCK:
That's right, Lasso Lady,
use that cable to tie his feet.

General Contractor,
use your wall-building power

to protect those schoolkids.

Hammerfoot,
kick him in the nuts!

Man,
listen to you.

You'd make a great team leader,
buddy.

Yeah, like my dad
would ever let that happen.

You know what I love best about
monitor duty?

The possibility of being alerted
to criminal activity

and being thrown into
superhero action?

Nope. It gives me time to read.

I love books.
It's not a book.

You know our dads will kill you
if they know you're reading

girly mags on monitor duty.

Who do you think
gave me his stash?

My dad rocks.

Yeah. He does.

COMPUTER:
Alert. Alert.

A level-7 criminal act is
in progress

in the financial district.

PROCK:
Hat Trick!
We gotta stop them!

Yeah, but they're a level 7
on the bad-dude scale.

You and me
really aren't supposed

to be taking on anything
above a level 2.

But The Awesomes are halfway
around the world!

What are we supposed to do?

Let the police handle it?

That's exactly what we're
supposed to do.

Should we call Perfect Man?

He can fly back from Japan
in no time.

Perfect Man?
Ugh! No, no, no!

We gotta handle it!
You and me!

This is a job
for Brains and Brawn!

PLAYER 1:
Ya, let's get that money, eh?

( beeping )

Oh, look at that, eh?
Oh, ya, eh!

PROCK:
Hold it right there!

I think someone's earned
some time in the penalty box.

Hockey reference!

You are so good at this!

Brains, are you okay?

I'm fine!
Get Hat Trick!

( punching sounds )

I guess this proves
hockey sucks.

I made a hockey reference too.

One more and we'll have
three hockey references!

Wait,
I should have said "hat trick."

PROCK:
Brawn, look out!

They feed off one another.

Stop.

They need to be together
to power up again.

The three of them.

Just take out one of them and...

Start!

( yelps in pain )

PROCK:
Now, Brawn!

Hit 'em now!

That's it, buddy!

Looks like we're gonna win
this one in over-time!

Puck yeah!

Hey! You know, our banter
is really coming together.

( Prock grunts )

MR. AWESOME:
What were you thinking?

You could have gotten killed
out there!

Both of you!
We had to do something.

I told you to call
the police.

They would have stopped them.

But we stopped them.
Kinda.

You shouldn't be
doing anything!

The only reason I let you be
on monitor duty is

because Muscleman's son was
with you.

He's got powers,
not you!

I've got--
Jeremy.

You're smart.

But you can go to school and get
all the degrees in the world

and they won't make you
a superhero.

MUSCLEMAN:
Great story, right?

I guess I probably could have
left out that part

at the end where your dad was
such a bummer.

Yeah.

If he was here,
I bet he'd take it all back.

No. If he was here, he'd know
talk isn't gonna help us.

We need to do something.

Like what?

I don't know.

DR. MALOCCHIO:
Yes...

I can practically feel it.

By now their spirits will begin
to wither.

Their dark secrets
are being exposed.

Wounds will be opened--

Dennis, you take another piece
of sashimi,

I swear to God you'll pull
back a stump.

That's right, that's right,
California roll.

Tuck and roll,
girl!

Tuck and roll!

We gotta get out there!
I'm thinking.

Well,
we gotta do more than think!

What good is this stupid magical
alien gemstone

if I can't save her?

WANDA ( over comm ):
You don't need that, baby.

What?
That super-magical stone thing,

it's actually, well,
just one of my earrings.

I know you needed a push,
boo-boo.

You needed an excuse
to be special.

So I planted one of my earrings.

I was hoping you'd find it
and think it was magical.

Well, then how do I conjure
everything?

That's you baby!
That power, that's all you.

You have a different power.
You have a different power!

The safe guards are negating
our powers!

I programmed your safe guard

to lock onto your gem stone
as a conduit!

But you don't need a conduit!

So conjure something
and break down that door!

PROCK:
What's wrong?

I do still like the gem

as a way of pulling
the outfit together.

I see red, baby!

HIPIER safe guards are in flux!

Hotwire!
Short out the room.

Everyone stand back!

Frantic,
clear the smoke!

On it!

I lit the room making torches
from the camp fire!

Can you guys see?
It's looking good.

Sumo. Muscleman.
Can you get that door for us?

On it!
On it!

( both weeping )

Okay...

What's going on?

While y'all were banging
down your doors

and cleaning up your campfire,
we had a little chat.

WANDA:
Seems that Tom Boy is,
well,

a lady who has certain
romantic preferences.

Like your Aunt Helen.

Oh.

Aunt Helen lives in San Fran
with her "best friend" Jennifer.

Cool.

And Tom Boy has been carrying
a torch for our Gadget Gal.

Big,
misdirected-anger kind of torch.

Well, Lorraine,
I guess I was slow as molasses

and didn't get them telegrams
you were sending.

But I spent 80 years being
a boy-crazy gal.

I don't exactly know

how to operate
your switch board,

if you know what I mean.

I know.

But I always hoped
I could show you

how good we could be together.

By attacking me for 50 years?

I know!

I am awful at expressing
my emotions!

Hey,
you got us out.

I knew you could do it.

( dramatic music swells )

It's still strange that Tom Boy
put us in lock-down,

unless it was someone else.

DR. MALOCCHIO:
Damn it.

Sir?
You've come here to tell me

that they freed themselves,
and that my plan failed

and that I'm no closer
to achieving my goal.

I already know.

Uh, no, sir.
The dry cleaners didn't get

that red-wine stain
out of your cardigan.

Can this day get any worse?

Set a course for the Gap!

They better not have
discontinued that sweater!

Hey!
We didn't expect you.

You want some banana bread?

Impresario's mom made it.

It's not good at all,

but she says itâs made
with love.

Love must taste like feet.

No, we have not come

to eat your incredibly
fattening American sweets.

Mom, dad,
what are you doing here?

We have come
to take you home.

Home?
Yes.

You can no longer be a member
of The Awesomes.

He is leaving with us.

Now.

( dramatic theme plays )

Here-here-here,
take this little plate with you.

( The Hold Steady's
"Chips Ahoy" playing )

( hummming )

Mrs. Sullivan,

you don't make Impresario's bed
every day, do ya?

Only in the mornin'.

I've suspended turn-down
service.

My baby just has to learn
to take care of himself.

But I do like to make sure
that he's eaten

so I leave out
some Jack Link's jerky.

My boy needs his protein to
fight the monsters and what not.

Here, have some.

How old is he again?

IMPRESARIO:
Mama! This bath water's gettin'
cold!

Which one turns on
the hot again?

I'm gonna go.

WANDA:
It's on the left!

Oh, I'll come do it.

( The Hold Steady's
"Chips Ahoy" playing )

♪ How am I supposed to know
that you're high ♪

♪ If you won't let me
touch you? ♪

♪ How am I supposed to know
that you're high ♪

♪ If you won't even dance? ♪

♪ How am I supposed to know
that you're high ♪

♪ If you won't even dance? ♪

♪ Yeah
You won't even dance ♪