The Awesomes (2013–2015): Season 1, Episode 10 - The Super-Hero Awards, Part 2 - full transcript

(ominous theme playing)

(classical music
playing over speakers)

Ah, that's very nice.

Well, thank you,
Mr. Prime Minister.

I happily accept
Japan's surrender.

I will be sending
some henchmen by

to do the final paperwork.
Sayonara!

Ah, breakfast.

So any update
on finding the Awesomes?

Ahem. As of now I'm afraid
there's been, uh,

no progress.



No progress?
That is an interesting update.

Do you see this?
I have egg on my face,

both figuratively
and literally.

And I hate when it's both!

They will be
in the hologram room.

It's the safest place
in Awesome Mountain.

Ah. Thank you, Muscleman.

Where would I be
without your help?

Okay, you know what?
Let me do it, let me do it.

You're just spreading
the egg around.

(thudding on door)

(thudding on door)

(mysterious theme playing)

It's empty.



I don't understand.

The H.I.P.I.E.R.
can project a hologram

of an empty version of itself.

It's one of the safeguards
for a moment just like this.

Wow! Did your dad
come up with that?

No, I did. My Dad didn't
think it would work.

So, what now?
We book a ticket to Washington.

(The Hold Steady's
"The Awesomes Theme Song"
playing)

♪ This feels awesome ♪

♪ This feels awesome ♪

♪ Yeah, this feels awesome ♪

♪ Now, this feels awesome ♪

♪ This feels awesome ♪

♪ This feels so awesome ♪

HENCHMAN [ON RADIO]:
There was no sign of them
in the hologram room.

You said they would be there.
Yeah, I thought they would.

My plan is not complete
until I find Prock.

Don't worry.
He'll come here.

Why would he come here?

Coming here
means certain capture.

He'll come.
Wonderful.

Because only when
I have the son of Mr. Awesome

will I truly be satisfied.

Uh, is it possible that you'll
never be truly satisfied?

Maybe the engine
that drives you

isn't the lack of
accomplishments,

but a core sadness
that's never going to go away.

Who the f--- is this guy?

Sorry, he's new.

Well get him the f---
out of here.

Wow. You know,
I'm not gonna lie.

I'm really rattled
by what just went down.

Shake it off, Giuseppi.
Come on.

(sighs)

Okay. Give me a status.

"A core sadness that's
never going to go away"?

What the f---?
Just let it go, boss.

Hey, that guy
don't know nothing, boss.

You're right.
He don't know nothing.

But still. Sheesh.

Okay. Status report
on the power grid?

Half of the power in D.C.

has been routed directly
to the Spectrum Ray.

Good. It is a priority
that it remains fully charged.

If the Spectrum Ray goes down,

all the heroes
get their powers back.

And we can't have that.

Now, time to rule
the world.

(dramatic theme playing)

IMPRESARIO:
Tell me again why
they don't know it's us?

Holograms.
As long as we're within

the confines
of Awesome Mountain,

H.I.P.I.E.R is able to project
different identities on us.

Why I gotta have
a goat's head?

Where do you think
you're going?

We have orders
to catalog

all the items
in the Awesome vault.

No one goes down there
without being on the list.

Now scram!

(grunting)

(whimpers)

Good work, Tim.

You're welcome.

(suspenseful theme playing)

What are you guys doing?

Malocchio ordered us to box
everything in the vault up

and ship it to him
at the White House.

Hmm.

Hmm, what?
Sorry?

You said "hmm" like
what I said gave you an idea.

Oh, no. That's, um--
That's just a thing I do.

You know. Hmm.

It's real irritating.

We don't have a lot of time,
let's move fast.

Holograms down.
What are you looking for?

If we're going near the Spectrum
Ray, we need to be prepared.

Ah, here they are.
Everyone take one of these.

What are they?
Spectrum Ray immunity pills.

They'll help us keep our powers.

We still have to get
to the White House.

How are we going to do that?

This place
is crawling with henchmen

and the holograms won't work
once we walk out the door.

When I said "hmm" a minute ago,
I did have an idea.

These boxes are going to
the White House. So are we.

Oh, I am not
traveling in a box.

It's the only way.

Well put me down
as "fussy" about that.

And put me down as "excited."
When I was young,

my parents often
made me sleep in a box.

One time,
they even buried it.

This is a good plan, right?

Right.

What's Malocchio gonna do
with all of this stuff?

He's going to incinerate
it all on the White House lawn.

Sort of a, uh,
"from the ashes of the past

is born a new present"
kind of situation.

Love those.
Heh. Same here. Load her up!

(suspenseful theme playing)

Oh, Catherine.
You disappoint me.

Did you really think
I would leave

the Spectrum Ray unprotected?

Why not just accept
that you are a Malocchio,

and all Malocchios are evil?

I don't have to be evil
just because I'm your daughter.

I can make my own choices.

Piece of advice:
don't have kids.

I can't. I was in this
terrible nuclear accident--

Did I ask
for your life story?

Because I don't recall asking.
Sorry.

So, what do you think we should
do with her, Muscleman?

If she wants
to be a hero,

then put her with
the rest of the heroes.

Good idea.

Why are you doing this?

You've been in the Awesomes
your whole life.

Because for the first time
in my life,

I feel appreciated.
And I like it.

Take her to the hero cage!

(ominous theme playing)

Hey, Hotwire.
Hey.

Um, are we
still a couple?

We are not.
(cell phone ringing)

Is that someone's cell phone?

No. Definitely not.

They confiscated
all the cell phones.

Maybe someone snuck one in
and we can call for help.

I think this is one of those
phantom ring things.

Where you hear a phone
that isn't there.

Do you have a phone
down your pants?

It's just ever since
I lost my powers,

everything got a little smaller,
so to compensate--

Just give me the phone and
I promise not to tell anyone.

(phone dials)

FRANTIC:
Hey, Prock,

how come you were
never fooled by Malocchio?

For some reason, his powers
don't work on me.

They never worked
on my father, either.

Funny, I never thought I
inherited anything from my dad,

but I guess I did.

Did your father
have stinky feet?

Because you might have
inherited those too.

Huh. No.
My dad didn't have any flaws.

Ha!
"Ha" what?

I knew your father
for 70 years.

He was a great hero.
The best ever.

But he wasn't perfect.
He made mistakes all the time.

Usually from being
so damned full of himself.

But he knew he had flaws,
so he surrounded himself

with other heroes.

He knew he couldn't do it alone.

Just like you knew when
you put this team together.

You're a lot more
like your old man

than you give yourself
credit for, kid.

Wow. Thanks, Gadget Gal.
I've spent my whole life

thinking I wasn't half the man
my dad was.

Well, you're wrong.

Your exactly half the man
your dad was.

(ringtone playing music)

Whose phone is that?

It's mine.
What song is that?

It's a theme song I wrote.
For what?

Like, if we ever had
our own TV show,

you know,
that followed our exploits,

I thought it would be good
to have, like, a theme song.

You are desperately lame.

I can't reach it.
Can I get some help here?

Ooh!

It is a devilish smell
in this crate!

Hello?

Prock? It's Hotwire.

Oh. Hey.
Are you alone?

Um, yeah. Shh!

Well, I just wanted to say
that I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I lied to you
and the team.

Malocchio
made me believe he was

doing all of this for good.
I now know it wasn't.

And when you say Malocchio,
do you mean your father?

Oh. You figured that out.
Yeah.

Way to have the worst dad ever.

I hope one day
I can make it up to you.

Well, look,
I'm kind of busy right now.

I lied about a lot of things,
Prock,

but I never pretended
to like you. That was real.

AWESOMES:
Aw.

Am I on speaker?

No. But we're kind of all
in a crate.

Why are you in a crate?

I'd tell you,
but I don't trust you.

Best of luck with whatever you
do next in your life, Hotwire.

Bye.

Her father is Malocchio?

Yeah! Crazy, right?

You can't blame the kid
for that.

We don't pick our parents.

(vehicle screeches)

I think we're here.

LARRY:
Hey.

(yawns)

Name's Teleportation Larry.

I know, Larry.
We were teammates.

Hey, I thought you teleported
The Awesomes out of here?

I did. But I teleported back
to settle up my bar tab.

Teleportation Larry
always pays his debt!

Noble.
Anyhoo,

word on the street is we're
all gonna be dead soon.

So do you wanna have sex
as a goodbye world dealio?

If I had my powers,
I'd zap us somewhere romantic

like Hawaii,
but since I don't,

I've cleared a nice spot
over in the corner.

Tell you what, you zap me
to Hawaii, I'm all yours.

Whoa, okay.
And aloha to you.

Why would they be in a crate?

That's right.

Empty them out
and then we burn it all.

Dr. Malocchio, some rebel
members of the army

are preparing to attack.

Adorable. Get my gun.

My big gun.

Now, hopefully it's nice
and quiet outside,

so we can make
a surprise approach.

(screaming)

(Malocchio laughing)

(laughing)

You never changed, did you,
Dr. Malocchio?

It was all a lie. You're the
same bastard you've always been.

You figured that out
all by yourself?

My, my, Prock.
You really are a genius.

But now there is nowhere to run.

And nowhere to hide.

Run!
Hide!

What did I just say
about running and hiding?

What does a guy have to do
to get listened to?

That's enough.
Okay, that's right.

That's enough.
Should I just give you the gun?

Are you serious?
Of course I'm not.

I finally have everything
I want and you can't stop me.

You don't have any powers,
you never did.

And all the heroes
gave them away.

All because I asked them to.

I'm gonna stop you.
I will.

You won't. You can't.

You are not your father.

I'm getting real sick
of hearing that.

Ah!

Wow. Way too low on my jump.

This is such a delight.

The Awesomes have stopped by

to complete my collection
of heroes.

So tell me,
are you here to fight,

or are you here to surrender?

What do you say, boss?
Is it time for our last stand?

No. Surrender.

That ain't how I play things,
sweet cheeks.

Listen. He doesn't know you took
immunity pills

and your powers still work.

Surrender, and he'll put you
with the heroes.

You have to escape and destroy
the Spectrum Ray.

What are you gonna do?
Buy us some time.

I feel like I'm letting them
whisper too much.

Let's go, guys.

I surrender.
FRANTIC & SUMO: Us too.

I don't like it,
but I also turn myself over.

I'm basically secretarial staff,
but I'm all yours.

And what about you, Prock?
I'm here to fight.

Ha. Well, I would love
to fight you, Prock, I would.

But I think it would be so much
more entertaining

if you fought...him.

Muscleman?

That's right. Muscleman.
He's on my team now.

Too bad, so sad.

It can't be.
Oh, it be.

It be 100 percent.

Let us out! Let us out!

Dear God, let us out!

And they're gone.

Listen up, everybody,
we are the Awesomes.

Are we supposed to be excited
about this news?

You may think
we're second-rate,

but guess what, motherf-----,
we still got our powers.

FRANTIC:
Now, we can't give you back
your powers

until we destroy the ray,
but we can let you out.

And the question is,
are you hero enough

to fight without your powers?

ALL: Yeah! Woo-hoo!
CONCIERGE: Now,

does anybody here know
where the Spectrum Ray is?

I do.

Hello, traitor.

I deserve that.
I do.

But I'm also the only one here
who knows where that ray is.

And I'm the only one
who can destroy it.

What are you waiting for,
Muscleman?

(yelling)

(whispers)
Hey, buddy!

Buddy?
So you're not evil?

No.
I'm pretending to be.

You're doing a good job
of pretending.

I have to make it look good.

When Malocchio offered me
a chance to join him,

I thought it would be smart
to take it.

It was better than smart.
It was genius.

That's the nicest thing you've
ever said to me. Here you go.

I'm sorry I took you
for granted.

I'm sorry I walked out
on the team.

(grunting)

You were right about Hotwire,
you know.

Yeah, she's on our side now.

Really?
Yeah. She is complicated.

But then again, I think all
women are complicated.

Except for my Nana.
My Nana is a straight shooter.

The rest of the team
is releasing the heroes.

I need to find the ray.
What do you want me to do?

Can you throw me
through an open window?

You know it. Good luck, buddy.

Thanks. And hey, Muscleman,
I'm glad you're not mad at me.

I could never stay mad at you.
You're my best friend.

(grunts)

(crashing)

Gotta find that ray.

Bravo, Muscleman.
You have done excellent work.

(laughing)

Eh, what's so funny?

It's just that I'm about to say
something for the first time

that people have been
saying to me my whole life.

What's that?
You're an idiot.

The heroes have escaped.

No! It can't be. Stop them!

They don't have their powers

as long as the Spectrum Ray
is working!

There's nothing to be afraid--

Catherine!

(all clamoring)

(screams)

(men grunt)

Perfect Man!
Good to see you.

Muscleman.
I don't have any of my powers.

You are still a very fit and,
if I may say so, handsome man.

You don't need power
to throw punches.

I guess you're right.

Back to backers?
You bet.

So, what? Do we just look
for the off switch?

It's surrounded
by a force field.

I have an idea.

So your idea was for everyone
to try and walk through it?

It's easy to say it was
a bad idea after the fact.

What are we going to do?
I don't know.

I'm not smart enough
to figure it out.

Maybe I am.
Smart enough to figure it out.

Was that clear?
ALL: Yeah.

Hey.
Hey.

So I heard you're
one of the good guys now.

I'm trying.

Could you please
snap out of it?

Sorry. So,
what's the situation?

If I can get to the Spectrum
Ray, I can shut it down.

But there's a force field
we can't get through.

And we don't know what's
powering the force field.

Hey, look. When you look at
the force field from back here,

it looks like
Malocchio's eye.

He's right.
So the force field is controlled

by Malocchio's hypnotism.

But unfortunately for Malocchio,

his hypnotism
doesn't work on me.

But I'm the one
that has to get in there.

Will this work?

When have I been wrong?

Exactly half of the time.

(electricity crackling)

(dramatic theme playing)

I don't suppose you have
any last tricks up your sleeve.

Just one.

Come on, Prock.
We're out of time.

(electricity crackling)

HOTWIRE:
Come on, there has to be
a way to get you off.

Why isn't it working?

Why? Because while you were
always a sweet little girl,

you're still just
a sweet little girl.

(dramatic theme playing)

Hotwire, hurry!

(electricity crackling)

What a sight to see.

Two kids who just couldn't live
up to their impressive parents.

I blame the schools.
As for your friends outside,

they put up a good fight,
but they're under control now.

It's all over, you see.
You couldn't stop me.

And now, thanks to the Spectrum
Ray that your father invented,

I cannot be defeated--

Got it!

Are you f---ing kidding me?

(men grunt)

(dramatic theme playing)

Not my day.

It's over, Malocchio.
You lost.

It's almost over, Prock.

You don't stay in the game
as long as I have

without a few fail-safes.
Fail-safes?

Just in case anyone did turn off
the Spectrum Ray,

I wired it to explode
in one minute.

(Spectrum Ray beeping)

I even put a timer on it,
which I think was a nice touch.

We have to get out of here.
Yes, by all means go.

But your team will stay,

because they are
under my mind control.

So do you go Prock?
Or do you stay?

Stop.

They all had
different powers,

but you could always tell
a Malocchio villain

by the trademark
evil eye,

which is the translation of
the Italian word "mal occhio."

His eye. He hypnotizes
using his eye. Start.

(dramatic theme playing)

You missed.

I might not know everything,
Malocchio,

but I know the angles.

Ow! My eye!

Frantic!
Get us out of here now!

(dramatic theme playing)

My daughter stays with me.
No!

Let go, Prock.
You have to get out.

I can't.

Today the President personally
thanked Perfect Man,

not only
for his heroic actions

in the battle
against Malocchio,

but for rebuilding
the White House

in the course
of an afternoon.

And for you bravery and courage,
I am proud to present you

with the Golden Medal
of Heroism.

Golden Medal of Heroism?
All mine says is "Participant."

Shh!
Thank you Mr. President.

Of all my victories,
this was the greatest.

But it had a cost.
I lost my girlfriend, Hotwire.

Hotwire was cool.

We weren't super serious,
but she was a good lady.

Where's Prock?
Nursing the one injury

he's never had before,
a broken heart.

(somber theme playing)

(sighs]

I'm sorry, buddy.

I couldn't save her.

No, you couldn't.

But you saved mankind,
and that's not bad.

Yeah.

I'm proud of you.
And you know what?

If your Dad could see you,
he'd be proud of you too.

(dramatic theme playing)

I can see you,
and I am proud, son.

Now give me back
my book!

--let it hold me back.

What are you watching?

Nothing.

You'll have to excuse me.
I was pretty trashed last night.

I remember maybe grabbing you
right before an explosion?

I was pretty trashed too.

Nice. Hey, What did you
say your name was?

Hot--

Catherine.
It's just Catherine.

(The Hold Steady's
"Chips Ahoy" playing)

So even though the Superhero
Awards turned out to be fake,

I would like to read
the acceptance speech I wrote

in case we did win.

Ahem.
They said it couldn't be done.

Uh, this is gonna be long.

"Disband the Awesomes,"
they all cried.

But they did not understand
that in change there is growth.

Even the mightiest oak
needs to be pruned,

so it may stand taller.

Or in another analogy,

the acorn
from that mighty oak

needs to be planted,
watered, nurtured,

taught, trained,
and again, watered.

For the circle of life
requires--

(music playing)
Aw, play-off music? What?

Wrap it up.
And finally, I'd like to thank

Jack Link's jerky
for sponsoring us this year.

You guys believed in us
before anyone else.

You've been great partners
and you make great jerky.

Thank you.
See you guys next year.

(Awesomes cheering)
MUSCLEMAN: You did it, Prock!

(The Hold Steady's
"Chips Ahoy" playing)

♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪

♪ If you won't let me
Touch you? ♪

♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪

♪ If you won't even dance? ♪

♪ How am I supposed to know
That you're high ♪

♪ If you won't even dance? ♪

♪ Yeah, you won't even dance ♪