The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 2, Episode 29 - Andy on Trial - full transcript
Andy travels to the big city with a summons to arrest Roger Jackson. The man had been caught speeding through Mayberry a few weeks before but failed to appear on the agreed date. Jackson is forced to go to Mayberry to be found guilty and pay his fine. Outraged, Jackson decides to take his revenge. A publisher, he sends one of his reporters to Mayberry to get the dirt on Andy. Posing as a college student, Jean Boswell sweet talks Barney into giving her some dirt on Andy. When the article appears, Andy soon finds himself facing a misconduct hearing and the State's main witness against him: Barney Fife!
GOOD... THANK YOU
FOR CALLING.
GOOD-BYE.
YES?
OH, UH, I'D LIKE TO SEE
MR. JACKSON, PLEASE.
HE'S QUITE BUSY.
DO YOU HAVE
AN APPOINTMENT,
MISTER, UH...
TAYLOR, SHERIFF TAYLOR
OF MAYBERRY.
NO, I DON'T HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
BUT I'D 'PRECIATE IF
YOU'D TELL HIM I'M HERE.
MR. JACKSON, A SHERIFF TAYLOR
FROM MAYBERRY
IS HERE TO SEE YOU.
TAYLOR?
I DON'T KNOW ANY TAYLOR.
WHAT DOES HE WANT?
I'M HERE TO ARREST HIM.
HE'S HERE TO ARREST YOU.
ARREST!
WHAT IS ALL THIS?
'MEMBER ME?
I... BELIEVE SO.
YES! YES.
THAT SPEEDING TICKET,
'MEMBER?
COMING THROUGH MAYBERRY
ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO?
YOU SAID YOU HAD TO GET ON TO
AN IMPORTANT MEETIN'
SO I LET YOU GO
ON THE CONDITION
THAT YOU'D COME
BACK ON THE 20th
AND STAND TRIAL--
'MEMBER?
WELL, THE 20th WAS
LAST WEDNESDAY
AND YOU DIDN'T COME.
OH, YES,
WELL, IT, UH...
IT COMPLETELY
SLIPPED MY MIND.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO
COME INTO MY OFFICE?
I'M SURE WE CAN
STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT.
FINE.
SIT DOWN, SIR.
OH, THANK YOU.
NOW, ABOUT, UH...
TWO WEEKS AGO
YOU SAID I CAME
THROUGH YOUR TOWN, HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, WELL!
YOU REALLY ARE
A CONSCIENTIOUS
SHERIFF, AREN'T YOU?
I WOULD IMAGINE YOU'D
HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL
WAY OUT THERE
IN MAYBERRY
RUNNING DOWN CHICKEN THIEVES
AND CURFEW BREAKERS.
ER, WOULD YOU LIKE A CIGAR?
NO, THANK YOU.
OH, MAYBE I
WILL TAKE ONE
FOR MY DEPUTY.
HE LIKES ONE WHEN
HE'S FEELING SPECIAL SPORTY.
THANK YOU.
NOW... 'BOUT THE SUMMONS.
OH, YES, WELL, I'LL HAVE
MISS FENWICK DRAW UP A CHECK.
WELL, I'M AFRAID THERE'S
MORE THAN A FINE INVOLVED.
OH? WELL, WHAT CAN I DO?
WELL, YOU CAN GET YOUR HAT
AND COME ON.
TO MAYBERRY?
YOU'RE REALLY INSISTING
ON MY APPEARING?
MM-HMM.
OH, COME ON, SHERIFF.
I CAN'T LEAVE JUST LIKE THAT.
I'M THE HEAD OF
A BIG BUSINESS HERE.
I HAVE
RESPONSIBILITIES.
WHY... I'M SURE YOU AND I CAN
SETTLE THIS LITTLE MATTER.
UH...
I HOPE YOU'RE
REACHING FOR A COMB
OR A HANDKERCHIEF OR SOMETHING,
'CAUSE WE TAKE A VERY DIM VIEW
OF BRIBERY
IN MAYBERRY.
BRIBERY'S ONE
OF THE THINGS
WE LIKE TO WATCH
ON ACCOUNT OF THERE
AIN'T MUCH ELSE TO DO.
MISS FENWICK...
YES, MR. JACKSON?
HAVE MY LAWYER MEET ME
IN MAYBERRY.
IF YOU ALL ARE READY,
WE'LL DECLARE COURT IN SESSION.
( gavels )
COURT'S
IN SESSION.
CASE OF MAYBERRY
v. J. HOWARD JACKSON.
THE CHARGE IS SPEEDING
IN EXCESS OF POSTED LIMITS
AND FAILURE TO ANSWER
A SUMMONS.
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
SHERIFF, MY CLIENT...
OH, GUILTY, GUILTY,
LET'S GET IT OVER WITH.
SINCE THE DEFENDANT
PLEADS GUILTY
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING
LEFT TO DO,
AND THAT'S PASS SENTENCE.
MR. J. HOWARD JACKSON
YOU ARE HEREBY FINED
THE SUM OF $15.
FIFTEEN!
WAIT A MINUTE.
DO YOU MEAN
TO TELL ME
YOU DRAGGED ME AWAY
FROM MY BUSINESS...
LET ME ALONE.
FOR A MEASLY
$15 FINE?!
NO, SIR, YOU WAS BROUGHT IN HERE
'CAUSE YOU FLOUTED THE LAW
AND YOU JUST CAN'T DO THAT.
WELL, I'M SURPRISED
YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A LOT OF REPORTERS
AND PHOTOGRAPHERS
AROUND HERE.
WHY IS THAT?
YOU RUNNING FOR REELECTION
OR SOMETHING,
TRYING TO BE A BIG MAN?
"SHERIFF HAULS IN
NOTED PUBLISHER."
THAT WOULD BE
PRETTY NICE
FOR A CAMPAIGN
SPEECH, WOULDN'T IT?
OH, BOY,
THESE HICKS--
THEY SURE LOVE TO GO AFTER
BIG GAME, DON'T THEY?
WELL, ONE OF THESE DAYS,
YOU WILL BE PUSHED DOWN TO SIZE.
LET'S GO.
NOISY, AIN'T HE?
YOU WANTED
TO SEE ME,
MR. JACKSON?
YES... SIT DOWN, JEAN.
ARE, UH...
ARE YOU IN A NOSY MOOD
THESE DAYS?
A GOOD REPORTER'S
ALWAYS IN A NOSY MOOD.
OKAY, THIS IS IT--
SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR
A HICK BURG
CALLED MAYBERRY.
I WANT EVERY
SPECK OF DUST
YOU CAN FIND ON
THE GOOD SHERIFF.
LOOK IN THE CLOSETS,
SWEEP UNDER THE RUGS
BRING BACK ANYTHING THAT
CAN BE TWISTED INTO AN ARTICLE.
I WANT TO PULVERIZE THAT IMAGE.
THAT'S A TALL ORDER,
MR. JACKSON.
MOST SMALL-TOWN SHERIFFS
ARE NOTORIOUSLY HONEST.
IN FACT, THEY'RE LIKE
SHINING KNIGHTS.
SO THAT'S WHY I'M SENDING YOU.
IF HE HAS ANY CRACKS IN HIS
ARMOR, YOU CAN FIND THEM.
AND I'VE NEVER KNOWN
A SHINING KNIGHT YET
THAT DIDN'T HAVE
A FEW.
SO YO FIND THEM.
OFFICER!
UH, COULD I HAVE A LITTLE
INFORMATION, PLEASE?
OH, I'LL HANDLE
THIS, ANDY.
AT YOUR SERVICE, MA'AM.
OH, THANK YOU,
SHERIFF.
OH, WELL... I'M
NOT THE SHERIFF.
THAT WAS THE SHERIFF
JUST WENT IN THERE--
SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR.
I'M DEPUTY FIFE.
OH, HI,
I'M JEAN BOSWELL.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
RECOMMEND A GOOD HOTEL IN TOWN.
OH, WELL, THE
MAYBERRY HOTEL IS GOOD.
THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE.
OH... WELL, I'M A COLLEGE
STUDENT, AND I WAS WONDERING
HOW DOES IT COMPARE IN PRICE
WITH SOME OF THE OTHERS?
WELL, IT, UH...
UH...
WELL, THAT...
THAT'S ACTUALLY THE...
THE ONLY HOTEL.
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S
THE ONE FOR ME.
COLLEGE STUDENT,
YOU SAY, HUH?
I'M WRITING A THESIS ON
SMALL-TOWN ADMINISTRATION.
I'M MAJORING IN GOVERNMENT.
I THOUGHT MAYBERRY WOULD BE
A GOOD TOWN TO RESEARCH.
YOU SURE COME TO THE
RIGHT TOWN, ALL RIGHT.
AND IF THERE'S EVER ANYTHING
I CAN DO TO HELP YOU,
WHY, DON'T YOU
HESITATE TO ASK ME.
I'M SORT OF, WELL...
PART OF THE
ADMINISTRATION,
YOU KNOW.
Barney:
YEAH, SHE'S A
CUTE LITTLE THING.
PROBABLY PRETTY NAIVE.
YOU KNOW HOW
THESE SCHOOLKIDS ARE
WHEN IT COMES TO
THE WAYS OF WORLD.
SO I FIGURED WE COULD GIVE
HER A HAND -- NO HARM IN THAT.
NO, NO HARM AT ALL.
IT'S A GOOD THING TO HELP OUT
THE CAUSE OF EDUCATION.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CAUSE
IS KIND OF PRETTY.
( door opens )
OH, HI!
HI.
IT'S, UH...
MISS BOSWELL, ISN'T IT?
UH-HUH.
I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET OUR SHERIFF.
ANDY, THIS IS
MISS JEAN BOSWELL.
MISS BOSWELL.
SO, YOU'RE A COLLEGE
STUDENT, HUH?
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
HILLSIDE UNIVERSITY
UP AT THE CAPITAL.
OH, THAT'S A FINE SCHOOL,
FINE SCHOOL.
UH, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TAKE THE TOUR
OF THE HEADQUARTERS
HERE NOW?
OH, YES, I'D LOVE TO.
FINE.
UH, YOU CAN, UH...
TAKE NOTES IF YOU LIKE.
OH, YES! THAT'S
A WONDERFUL IDEA.
Barney:
YOU READY?
UH-HUH.
WELL, YOU ARE NOW
WITHIN THE CONFINES
OF THE MAYBERRY
SHERIFF'S OFFICE AND JAIL
ONE OF THE MANY
ADMINISTRATIVE OFFICES
IN THE TOWN OF MAYBERRY.
NOW, HERE IS THE
MAIN CELLBLOCK.
THIS IS CELL ONE
THIS IS CELL TWO AND...
AND, UH... SO ON.
UH...
THIS IS A HEATER.
SAY, HERE'S SOMETHING
VERY INTERESTING
RIGHT OVER HERE.
UH... THIS IS
OUR BULLETIN BOARD
WHERE WE HAVE FLIERS
AND BULLETINS
FROM ALL OVER
THE STATE.
INCLUDED ARE A.P.B.s--
UH, THAT'S ALL-
POINTS BULLETINS
ON VARIOUS
WANTED CRIMINALS.
I'M NOT GOING
TOO FAST FOR YOU?
OH, NO, NO,
JUST FINE.
UH, WELL...
WELL... UH...
UH, HEY, BARN, WHY DON'T YOU
TELL HER ABOUT THE BACK ROOM?
UH, THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
IT IS TOO!
THAT'S WHERE DEPUTY FIFE
TAKES HIS AFTERNOON NAPS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WRITE THAT DOWN...
UH...
UH, SAY, HERE'S
SOMETHING IMPORTANT!
THIS IS OUR GUN RACK!
THIS IS WHERE WE, UH...
KEEP OUR GUNS.
WELL, OF COURSE,
WHAT YOU SEE IN HERE IS JUST THE
BEGINNING OF THINGS TO COME.
THINGS TO COME?
OH, YEAH, WE'RE
CONSTANTLY EXPANDING.
I MEAN, YOU OUGHT TO SEE
WHAT'S IN THE BLUEPRINT STAGE
RIGHT NOW.
NEW, UP-TO-DATE CRIME LAB,
NEW WING OF CELL BLOCKS,
A DISPENSARY,
A REC HALL, A CHAPEL.
UH, WELL, UH, I THINK WE'VE
COVERED EVERYTHING IN HERE.
MAYBE I'D BETTER SHOW
YOU AROUND THE TOWN NOW --
DON'T YOU THINK, ANDY?
YOU KNOW, THE MAYOR'S OFFICE
AND THE COUNCIL CHAMBERS,
AND THE --
DON'T YOU THINK SO?
OH, YEAH, YOU DO THAT.
WELL, BYE, SHERIFF!
WELL, WE'LL JUST, UH...
OH, UH, HURRY BACK,
DEPUTY, I WANT TO HEAR SOME MORE
ABOUT THEM EXPANSION PLANS!
I THINK I HAVE JUST
ABOUT EVERYTHING.
WELL, YOU'VE BEEN
JUST MARVELOUS.
OF COURSE, THERE'S
ONE LITTLE THING
I CAN'T QUITE
GET OVER.
HERE YOU ARE
THE DEPUTY
AND YOU LOOK MORE
LIKE THE SHERIFF
THAN THE
SHERIFF DOES.
WELL, TAKE THE WAY YOU
DRESS, FOR INSTANCE.
YOU WEAR A COMPLETE,
WELL-FITTING UNIFORM
AND THE SHERIFF, WELL...
HE DOESN'T EVEN
WEAR A TIE.
AND I NOTICE THAT HIS
SHOES ARE A LITTLE DUSTY.
WELL, THAT IS ONE
OF ANDY'S WEAK POINTS
BUT ALL IN ALL, UH...
ONE OF HIS
WEAK POINTS?
UH, WELL...
I BET YOU DON'T ALWAYS
AGREE WITH HIS IDEAS
DO YOU?
WELL, UH...
I JUST KNOW THAT A PROGRESSIVE,
DYNAMIC FORWARD-THINKING MAN
LIKE YOURSELF MUST HAVE
SOME VERY DEFINITE IDEAS
AS TO THE WAY
THINGS SHOULD BE RUN.
WELL, THERE ARE
CERTAIN THINGS
THAT I WOULD
DO DIFFERENT
IF, UH... I WAS
RUNNING THE SHOW.
SUCH AS?
WELL...
( clears throat )
I'D, UH... BE
A WHOLE LOT STRICTER
ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS
IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
MMM... I THINK SO.
WELL, LIKE I
ALWAYS SAY, I...
I LIKE TO RUN
A TAUT SHIP.
MM-HMM.
AND THE SHERIFF,
HE DOESN'T RUN A TAUT SHIP?
WELL, THE KID IS A LITTLE
LAX IN THAT DEPARTMENT.
LIKE HOW?
WELL, THE WAY
HE MOLLYCODDLES
OTIS ALL THE TIME.
OTIS?
THE TOWN DRUNK.
WHY, HE PRACTICALLY
HAS THE RUN OF THE JAIL.
HE LOCKS HISSELF UP
WHEN HE GETS DRUNK
LETS HISSELF OUT
WHEN HE GETS SOBER.
HE JUST COMES AND GOES
AS HE PLEASES!
NO!
THINGS WOULD SURE BE DIFFERENT
IF YOU WERE RUNNING THEM.
YOU BET YOUR BUTTONS,
AND CERTAIN PEOPLE
WOULDN'T GET AWAY WITH
CERTAIN CRIMES, NEITHER!
YOU MEAN CRIMES
GO UNPUNISHED?
TAKE THE
EMMA WATSON CASE.
EMMA WATSON?
CHRONIC JAYWALKER.
LISTEN, JAYWALKIN'
IS A CRIME.
AND EVERY BLESSED TIME
I WRITE OUT A TICKET
FOR THAT EMMA WATSON,
ANDY JUST TEARS IT UP,
SAYS SHE'S A SWEET OLD LADY
AND HE AIN'T GOT THE HEART
TO PROSECUTE HER, DARN SOFTY.
THE SHERIFF?
SOFTEST-HEARTED FELLA
YOU EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE.
AFTER TEARING UP
EMMA WATSON'S TICKET
HE'D LIKE AS NOT GIVE HER
A RIDE HOME IN THE SQUAD CAR.
THAT'S SOME WAY TO TREAT
A LAWBREAKER, HUH?
YOU MEAN THAT THE SHERIFF
WOULD USE A SQUAD CAR
FOR UNOFFICIAL
BUSINESS?
LISTEN, ONCE I WAS ALL SET
TO GO OUT ON PATROL --
YOU KNOW WHERE
THE SQUAD CAR WAS?
ANDY WAS MAKING A DELIVERY
FOR ART CROWLEY'S MARKET.
YOU DON'T SAY.
YEAH.
MY GOSH,
LOOK AT THE TIME.
I GOT TO GET BACK
TO THE OFFICE.
SEE THINGS ARE RUN
PROPERLY.
WELL... LISTEN NOW,
ABOUT THAT THESIS OF YOURS,
IS THERE ANYTHING MORE
I CAN GIVE YOU?
OH, NO... OH, NO, NO.
YOU'VE GIVEN ME
ALL I NEED.
GOOD.
I'LL SEE YOU.
PAW, YOU WANNA
HEAR A JOKE?
YEAH.
WELL...
[ WHISPERING ]
OH, YEAH!
PAW, ASK ME IF I TOOK
A BATH THIS MORNING.
OKAY -- DID YOU TAKE
A BATH THIS MORNING?
WHY? IS THERE
ONE MISSING?
Andy: THAT'S PRETTY
GOOD, OPE.
SHERIFF TAYLOR?
YES, SIR.
MY NAME IS ROGER MILTON
STATE'S ATTORNEY'S OFFICE.
OH, GLAD
TO SEE YOU, SIR.
THIS IS MY DEPUTY,
BARNEY FIFE
AND MY SON, OPIE.
WHAT CAN
WE DO FOR YOU?
IF YOU CAN, I'D LIKE
TO HAVE YOU EXPLAIN
THAT ARTICLE.
"DOES THE SHERIFF
RUN THE TOWN
OR DOES THE TOWN
RUN THE SHERIFF?"
WELL, ANDY,
IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU.
"IN A TOWN
CALLED MAYBERRY
JUSTICE HAS BECOME
A FARCE."
Andy: YEAH.
"MALFEASANCE
OF PUBLIC FUNDS,
SHOCKING DISINTEGRATION
OF LAW ENFORCEMENT..."
THEM'S PRETTY
HARSH WORDS.
THAT'S RIGHT,
BUT YOU'LL HAVE A CHANCE
TO DENY THEM AT THE HEARING.
AT THE HEARING?!
THESE ARE VERY SERIOUS CHARGES.
I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO CONDUCT A FULL INVESTIGATION.
I HAVE NO RECOURSE,
SHERIFF TAYLOR
BUT TO SUSPEND YOU FROM OFFICE
PENDING A HEARING
ON THIS MATTER.
CAN HE DO THAT?
I CAN...
UNDER THIS ORDER
FROM THE STATE'S
ATTORNEY'S OFFICE.
DEPUTY, THE HEARING IS SET
FOR TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
UNTIL THEN,
YOU'LL BE
ACTING SHERIFF.
GOOD DAY,
GENTLEMEN.
PAW, AIN'T YOU GONNA BE
SHERIFF ANYMORE?
OH, NOW,
DON'T YOU WORRY.
THERE'S JUST BEEN
A LITTLE MISTAKE
AND IT'LL ALL BE
CLEARED UP.
SOMEHOW OR OTHER.
WHEN'S THIS STUPID
THING GONNA BEGIN?
PRESENTLY, SHERIFF.
DON'T CALL ME THAT.
HE'S THE ONLY
SHERIFF AROUND HERE.
THE COMMISSIONER
WILL DECIDE THAT
AFTER THE HEARING.
( door opens )
ANDY.
YEAH...
THAT ANSWERS A LOT
OF QUESTIONS.
THAT ARTICLE WAS
IN ONE OF YOUR
PUBLICATIONS,
WASN'T IT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHEN YOU HOLD
A GRUDGE
YOU REALLY HOLD IT,
DON'T YOU?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHO ARE YOU GONNA GET
TO PROVE ALL THEM THINGS?
WHO YOU GONNA GET
TO SAY THEY'RE TRUE?
STATE'S ATTORNEY HAS
A KEY WITNESS
WHO WILL SUBSTANTIATE
EVERYTHING.
UH-HUH...
I'LL JUST BET.
BRIBING SOME OUTSIDER
TO TELL A LOT OF LIES.
HA! I'D SURE LIKE
TO GET A CRACK
AT THE GUY
THAT TESTIFIES.
LOW-CRAWLIN' SNAKE.
( door opens )
( clears throat )
THIS HEARING IS
NOW IN SESSION.
MR. MILTON, YOU HAVE LODGED
A CHARGE OF
MALFEASANCE
IN OFFICE
AGAINST MR. TAYLOR HERE.
ARE YOU PREPARED TO PRESENT
YOUR BILL OF PARTICULARS?
YES, COMMISSIONER.
I HAVE A WITNESS WHO WILL
VERIFY THESE FACTS.
WHO IS THIS WITNESS?
BERNARD FIFE.
Commissioner:
TAKE THE STAND,
MR. FIFE.
HUH?
I SAID, TAKE THE STAND.
ME?!
I'M THE WITNESS?!
WOULD YOU TAKE
THE WITNESS CHAIR, PLEASE?
WELL, HOW CAN I BE
A WITNESS AGAINST ANDY?
WOULD YOU MIND
TAKING THE WITNESS
CHAIR, PLEASE?
YOU ARE
BERNARD FIFE?
WELL, OF COURSE,
I AM.
JUST ANSWER
YES OR NO.
WELL, YEAH.
GOOD.
AND IS IT NOT TRUE THAT YOU
YOURSELF MADE THE STATEMENT
THAT SHERIFF TAYLOR WAS LAX IN
THE FULFILLMENT OF HIS DUTIES?
WHERE'D YOU GET
A CRAZY THING LIKE THAT?
ALLOW ME TO PUT IT
IN YOUR OWN WORDS.
SPEAKING OF SHERIFF TAYLOR,
YOU SAID, AND I QUOTE
"THE KID'S A LITTLE LAX.
HE DOESN'T RUN
A TAUT SHIP."
I NEVER SAID NO SUCH
OF A THING!
PERHAPS I CAN
REFRESH HIS MEMORY.
IS THE YOUNG
LADY HERE?
YEAH,
SHE'S OUTSIDE.
IF YOU THINK
IT'S NECESSARY...
I THINK IT'S
NECESSARY, YES.
IT WILL SIMPLIFY
MATTERS.
IT'S THAT COLLEGE KID.
( commissioner bangs gavel )
ANDY, IT'S THAT COLLEGE KID!
COMMISSIONER,
THIS IS JEAN BOSWELL
A NEWSPAPER REPORTER
AND EMPLOYEE OF
MR. JACKSON.
A REPORTER!
SIT DOWN.
THIS IS A TRICK!
SIT DOWN!
CONTINUE,
MR. MILTON.
DO YOU HAVE
AS A FREQUENT PRISONER
OTIS CAMPBELL, THE TOWN DRUNK?
WELL, WE DON'T SAY IT OUT
LIKE THAT...
JUST ANSWER
YES OR NO.
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
AND THIS TOWN DRUNK
IS ALLOWED
TO ARREST HIMSELF,
TO LOCK HIMSELF INTO A CELL
AND IS THEN ALLOWED
TO EFFECT HIS OWN RELEASE?
WHEN YOU PUT IT
LIKE THAT...
YES OR NO?
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT SOMETIMES
CERTAIN CRIMES GO UNPUNISHED?
Barney:
WHAT?
Milton: DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU'D
WRITTEN JAYWALKING TICKETS
ONLY TO HAVE THE SHERIFF
TEAR THEM UP?
AND DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT THE
SHERIFF USES A SQUAD CAR
FOR OTHER THAN
OFFICIAL BUSINESS?
DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU ONCE NEEDED
THE CAR IN THE LINE OF DUTY
BUT THE SHERIFF WAS
DELIVERING GROCERIES?
AND IS IT NOT TRUE THAT THESE
ARE NOT ISOLATED INCIDENTS?
THAT THEY HAPPEN
ALL THE TIME?
DIDN'T YOU SAY SO
YOURSELF?!
YES! YES! YES!
THANK YOU.
YOU MAY STEP DOWN.
Barney:
ANDY...
I SAID, YOU MAY STEP DOWN.
YOU CAN SAY THAT
ALL YOU WANT TO
BUT I AIN'T
STEPPIN' DOWN.
THIS IS A HEARING, AIN'T IT?
WELL, SEEMS TO ME
YOU OUGHT TO HEAR EVERYTHING
NOT JUST A BUNCH
OF YESES.
VERY WELL, YOU MAY SPEAK
IF YOU WISH TO.
THANK YOU.
SURE, I SAID
ALL THEM THINGS.
BUT THE TRUTH IS
SOMETIMES I GET CARRIED AWAY
WITH MYSELF.
WHEN I WAS TALKIN'
WITH THE YOUNG LADY THERE, I...
I GOT TO
BRAGGIN' A
LITTLE BIT.
I GUESS
THAT'S ONE
OF MY FAULTS.
BUT I SURE DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS GONNA BACKFIRE
AND BE USED AGAINST ANDY.
WHY, ANDY'S THE BEST FRIEND
I GOT IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
HE'S THE BEST SHERIFF, TOO.
ALL THEM THINGS
I SAID--
FOR EXAMPLE, HIS USIN'
THE SQUAD CAR
FOR PERSONAL REASONS.
SURE, HE WAS DELIVERIN'
GROCERIES TO EMMA WATSON
BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO SICK
TO GET DOWN TO THE MARKET.
AND THAT'S JUST ONE EXAMPLE
OF THE THINGS ANDY'S DONE
FOR THE FOLKS IN THIS TOWN.
I COULD GIVE YOU A LOT MORE.
YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND,
THIS IS A SMALL TOWN.
THE SHERIFF IS MORE
THAN JUST A SHERIFF.
HE'S A FRIEND.
AND THE PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN
THEY AIN'T GOT A BETTER FRIEND
THAN ANDY TAYLOR.
AND AS FAR AS
ANDY KNOWIN' HIS JOB
I'D JUST LIKE FOR YOU
TO TAKE A LOOK
IN THE RECORD BOOK, MR. JACKSON.
YOU KNOW,
THERE AIN'T BEEN
A MAJOR CRIME
COMMITTED IN
THIS TOWN
THANKS TO
SHERIFF TAYLOR.
THE ONLY RUCKUS YOU'D EVER HAVE
IN MAYBERRY IS
IF YOU TRIED TO REMOVE HIM
FROM OFFICE.
THEN YOU'D HAVE A RIOT!
YOU ASK ME IF ANDY RUNS
A TAUT SHIP, MR. MILTON --
WELL, NO, HE DON'T.
THAT'S BECAUSE OF SOMETHIN'
HE'S BEEN TRYIN' TO TEACH ME
EVER SINCE I STARTED
WORKIN' FOR HIM.
AND THAT IS, THAT WHEN
YOU'RE A LAWMAN
AND YOU'RE DEALIN' WITH PEOPLE
YOU DO A WHOLE LOT BETTER IF
YOU GO NOT SO MUCH BY THE BOOK
BUT BY THE HEART.
I GUESS MAYBE
THAT'S KIND OF HARD
FOR SOME OF YOU
TO UNDERSTAND, I...
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S ALL I GOT TO SAY.
MR. MILTON, IS THERE
ANY OTHER EVIDENCE
OUTSIDE OF THIS
NEWSPAPER ARTICLE?
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
COMMISSIONER...
JUST ANSWER YES OR NO.
NO.
THEN I SEE NO REASON
TO PURSUE THIS MATTER
ANY FURTHER.
SHERIFF TAYLOR...
OUR APOLOGIES FOR
ANY INCONVENIENCE
OR EMBARRASSMENT
WE MAY HAVE CAUSED YOU.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
DOES THIS MEAN
THAT ANDY'S THE
SHERIFF AGAIN?
IT DOES.
GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, ANDY --
GO ON, DO IT.
DO WHAT?
PUNCH ME IN THE NOSE.
WHAT FOR?
FOR BEING SUCH A BLABBERMOUTH!
GO ON, I WOULDN'T
BLAME YOU, PUNCH ME!
OH, BARNEY,
FORGET IT.
OH, ANDY, IF I HADN'T HAD GONE
AND BLABBED TO THAT GIRL,
YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE
GOTTEN INTO THAT MESS!
WELL, IT ALL WORKED OUT
ALL RIGHT,
AND I THOUGHT YOU DID
A FINE JOB
EXPLAINING IT ALL
ON THE WITNESS STAND.
WELL, THE WHOLE THING
WAS UNNECESSARY.
WELL, IT COME OUT ALL RIGHT,
SO JUST FORGET IT.
ALL RIGHT, ANDY, BUT IF I
EVER GO OFF LIKE THAT AGAIN,
YOU JUST PUNCH ME
RIGHT IN THE NOSE,
OR COVER MY MOUTH --
DO SOMETHING!
[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT.
NO KIDDING, NOW --
PROMISE ME!
I GUESS I JUST NEED SOMEBODY
AROUND TO STOP ME, OTHERWISE --
HELLO?
OH, HI, THELMA LOU!
OH, THE HEARING
COME OUT JUST FINE.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE.
WELL, I...
I DID ALL RIGHT FOR MYSELF.
IF I HAVE TO SAY SO MYSELF,
I KIND OF MADE A MONKEY
OUT OF THE PROSECUTOR.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN "HOW"?
I JUST GOT UP ON
THE WITNESS STAND
AND TIED HIM IN KNOTS --
THAT'S HOW!
YEAH, I JUST FIRED ONE QUESTION
AFTER ANOTHER
RIGHT BACK AT HIM,
BING-BING-BING.
YEAH, I MADE
A FOOL OUT OF HIM.
UH...PULLED ANDY
OUT OF THE MESS.
WELL, YOU KNOW,
THE KID SOMETIMES --
FOR CALLING.
GOOD-BYE.
YES?
OH, UH, I'D LIKE TO SEE
MR. JACKSON, PLEASE.
HE'S QUITE BUSY.
DO YOU HAVE
AN APPOINTMENT,
MISTER, UH...
TAYLOR, SHERIFF TAYLOR
OF MAYBERRY.
NO, I DON'T HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
BUT I'D 'PRECIATE IF
YOU'D TELL HIM I'M HERE.
MR. JACKSON, A SHERIFF TAYLOR
FROM MAYBERRY
IS HERE TO SEE YOU.
TAYLOR?
I DON'T KNOW ANY TAYLOR.
WHAT DOES HE WANT?
I'M HERE TO ARREST HIM.
HE'S HERE TO ARREST YOU.
ARREST!
WHAT IS ALL THIS?
'MEMBER ME?
I... BELIEVE SO.
YES! YES.
THAT SPEEDING TICKET,
'MEMBER?
COMING THROUGH MAYBERRY
ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO?
YOU SAID YOU HAD TO GET ON TO
AN IMPORTANT MEETIN'
SO I LET YOU GO
ON THE CONDITION
THAT YOU'D COME
BACK ON THE 20th
AND STAND TRIAL--
'MEMBER?
WELL, THE 20th WAS
LAST WEDNESDAY
AND YOU DIDN'T COME.
OH, YES,
WELL, IT, UH...
IT COMPLETELY
SLIPPED MY MIND.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO
COME INTO MY OFFICE?
I'M SURE WE CAN
STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT.
FINE.
SIT DOWN, SIR.
OH, THANK YOU.
NOW, ABOUT, UH...
TWO WEEKS AGO
YOU SAID I CAME
THROUGH YOUR TOWN, HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, WELL!
YOU REALLY ARE
A CONSCIENTIOUS
SHERIFF, AREN'T YOU?
I WOULD IMAGINE YOU'D
HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL
WAY OUT THERE
IN MAYBERRY
RUNNING DOWN CHICKEN THIEVES
AND CURFEW BREAKERS.
ER, WOULD YOU LIKE A CIGAR?
NO, THANK YOU.
OH, MAYBE I
WILL TAKE ONE
FOR MY DEPUTY.
HE LIKES ONE WHEN
HE'S FEELING SPECIAL SPORTY.
THANK YOU.
NOW... 'BOUT THE SUMMONS.
OH, YES, WELL, I'LL HAVE
MISS FENWICK DRAW UP A CHECK.
WELL, I'M AFRAID THERE'S
MORE THAN A FINE INVOLVED.
OH? WELL, WHAT CAN I DO?
WELL, YOU CAN GET YOUR HAT
AND COME ON.
TO MAYBERRY?
YOU'RE REALLY INSISTING
ON MY APPEARING?
MM-HMM.
OH, COME ON, SHERIFF.
I CAN'T LEAVE JUST LIKE THAT.
I'M THE HEAD OF
A BIG BUSINESS HERE.
I HAVE
RESPONSIBILITIES.
WHY... I'M SURE YOU AND I CAN
SETTLE THIS LITTLE MATTER.
UH...
I HOPE YOU'RE
REACHING FOR A COMB
OR A HANDKERCHIEF OR SOMETHING,
'CAUSE WE TAKE A VERY DIM VIEW
OF BRIBERY
IN MAYBERRY.
BRIBERY'S ONE
OF THE THINGS
WE LIKE TO WATCH
ON ACCOUNT OF THERE
AIN'T MUCH ELSE TO DO.
MISS FENWICK...
YES, MR. JACKSON?
HAVE MY LAWYER MEET ME
IN MAYBERRY.
IF YOU ALL ARE READY,
WE'LL DECLARE COURT IN SESSION.
( gavels )
COURT'S
IN SESSION.
CASE OF MAYBERRY
v. J. HOWARD JACKSON.
THE CHARGE IS SPEEDING
IN EXCESS OF POSTED LIMITS
AND FAILURE TO ANSWER
A SUMMONS.
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
SHERIFF, MY CLIENT...
OH, GUILTY, GUILTY,
LET'S GET IT OVER WITH.
SINCE THE DEFENDANT
PLEADS GUILTY
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING
LEFT TO DO,
AND THAT'S PASS SENTENCE.
MR. J. HOWARD JACKSON
YOU ARE HEREBY FINED
THE SUM OF $15.
FIFTEEN!
WAIT A MINUTE.
DO YOU MEAN
TO TELL ME
YOU DRAGGED ME AWAY
FROM MY BUSINESS...
LET ME ALONE.
FOR A MEASLY
$15 FINE?!
NO, SIR, YOU WAS BROUGHT IN HERE
'CAUSE YOU FLOUTED THE LAW
AND YOU JUST CAN'T DO THAT.
WELL, I'M SURPRISED
YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A LOT OF REPORTERS
AND PHOTOGRAPHERS
AROUND HERE.
WHY IS THAT?
YOU RUNNING FOR REELECTION
OR SOMETHING,
TRYING TO BE A BIG MAN?
"SHERIFF HAULS IN
NOTED PUBLISHER."
THAT WOULD BE
PRETTY NICE
FOR A CAMPAIGN
SPEECH, WOULDN'T IT?
OH, BOY,
THESE HICKS--
THEY SURE LOVE TO GO AFTER
BIG GAME, DON'T THEY?
WELL, ONE OF THESE DAYS,
YOU WILL BE PUSHED DOWN TO SIZE.
LET'S GO.
NOISY, AIN'T HE?
YOU WANTED
TO SEE ME,
MR. JACKSON?
YES... SIT DOWN, JEAN.
ARE, UH...
ARE YOU IN A NOSY MOOD
THESE DAYS?
A GOOD REPORTER'S
ALWAYS IN A NOSY MOOD.
OKAY, THIS IS IT--
SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR
A HICK BURG
CALLED MAYBERRY.
I WANT EVERY
SPECK OF DUST
YOU CAN FIND ON
THE GOOD SHERIFF.
LOOK IN THE CLOSETS,
SWEEP UNDER THE RUGS
BRING BACK ANYTHING THAT
CAN BE TWISTED INTO AN ARTICLE.
I WANT TO PULVERIZE THAT IMAGE.
THAT'S A TALL ORDER,
MR. JACKSON.
MOST SMALL-TOWN SHERIFFS
ARE NOTORIOUSLY HONEST.
IN FACT, THEY'RE LIKE
SHINING KNIGHTS.
SO THAT'S WHY I'M SENDING YOU.
IF HE HAS ANY CRACKS IN HIS
ARMOR, YOU CAN FIND THEM.
AND I'VE NEVER KNOWN
A SHINING KNIGHT YET
THAT DIDN'T HAVE
A FEW.
SO YO FIND THEM.
OFFICER!
UH, COULD I HAVE A LITTLE
INFORMATION, PLEASE?
OH, I'LL HANDLE
THIS, ANDY.
AT YOUR SERVICE, MA'AM.
OH, THANK YOU,
SHERIFF.
OH, WELL... I'M
NOT THE SHERIFF.
THAT WAS THE SHERIFF
JUST WENT IN THERE--
SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR.
I'M DEPUTY FIFE.
OH, HI,
I'M JEAN BOSWELL.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
RECOMMEND A GOOD HOTEL IN TOWN.
OH, WELL, THE
MAYBERRY HOTEL IS GOOD.
THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE.
OH... WELL, I'M A COLLEGE
STUDENT, AND I WAS WONDERING
HOW DOES IT COMPARE IN PRICE
WITH SOME OF THE OTHERS?
WELL, IT, UH...
UH...
WELL, THAT...
THAT'S ACTUALLY THE...
THE ONLY HOTEL.
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S
THE ONE FOR ME.
COLLEGE STUDENT,
YOU SAY, HUH?
I'M WRITING A THESIS ON
SMALL-TOWN ADMINISTRATION.
I'M MAJORING IN GOVERNMENT.
I THOUGHT MAYBERRY WOULD BE
A GOOD TOWN TO RESEARCH.
YOU SURE COME TO THE
RIGHT TOWN, ALL RIGHT.
AND IF THERE'S EVER ANYTHING
I CAN DO TO HELP YOU,
WHY, DON'T YOU
HESITATE TO ASK ME.
I'M SORT OF, WELL...
PART OF THE
ADMINISTRATION,
YOU KNOW.
Barney:
YEAH, SHE'S A
CUTE LITTLE THING.
PROBABLY PRETTY NAIVE.
YOU KNOW HOW
THESE SCHOOLKIDS ARE
WHEN IT COMES TO
THE WAYS OF WORLD.
SO I FIGURED WE COULD GIVE
HER A HAND -- NO HARM IN THAT.
NO, NO HARM AT ALL.
IT'S A GOOD THING TO HELP OUT
THE CAUSE OF EDUCATION.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CAUSE
IS KIND OF PRETTY.
( door opens )
OH, HI!
HI.
IT'S, UH...
MISS BOSWELL, ISN'T IT?
UH-HUH.
I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET OUR SHERIFF.
ANDY, THIS IS
MISS JEAN BOSWELL.
MISS BOSWELL.
SO, YOU'RE A COLLEGE
STUDENT, HUH?
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
HILLSIDE UNIVERSITY
UP AT THE CAPITAL.
OH, THAT'S A FINE SCHOOL,
FINE SCHOOL.
UH, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TAKE THE TOUR
OF THE HEADQUARTERS
HERE NOW?
OH, YES, I'D LOVE TO.
FINE.
UH, YOU CAN, UH...
TAKE NOTES IF YOU LIKE.
OH, YES! THAT'S
A WONDERFUL IDEA.
Barney:
YOU READY?
UH-HUH.
WELL, YOU ARE NOW
WITHIN THE CONFINES
OF THE MAYBERRY
SHERIFF'S OFFICE AND JAIL
ONE OF THE MANY
ADMINISTRATIVE OFFICES
IN THE TOWN OF MAYBERRY.
NOW, HERE IS THE
MAIN CELLBLOCK.
THIS IS CELL ONE
THIS IS CELL TWO AND...
AND, UH... SO ON.
UH...
THIS IS A HEATER.
SAY, HERE'S SOMETHING
VERY INTERESTING
RIGHT OVER HERE.
UH... THIS IS
OUR BULLETIN BOARD
WHERE WE HAVE FLIERS
AND BULLETINS
FROM ALL OVER
THE STATE.
INCLUDED ARE A.P.B.s--
UH, THAT'S ALL-
POINTS BULLETINS
ON VARIOUS
WANTED CRIMINALS.
I'M NOT GOING
TOO FAST FOR YOU?
OH, NO, NO,
JUST FINE.
UH, WELL...
WELL... UH...
UH, HEY, BARN, WHY DON'T YOU
TELL HER ABOUT THE BACK ROOM?
UH, THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
IT IS TOO!
THAT'S WHERE DEPUTY FIFE
TAKES HIS AFTERNOON NAPS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WRITE THAT DOWN...
UH...
UH, SAY, HERE'S
SOMETHING IMPORTANT!
THIS IS OUR GUN RACK!
THIS IS WHERE WE, UH...
KEEP OUR GUNS.
WELL, OF COURSE,
WHAT YOU SEE IN HERE IS JUST THE
BEGINNING OF THINGS TO COME.
THINGS TO COME?
OH, YEAH, WE'RE
CONSTANTLY EXPANDING.
I MEAN, YOU OUGHT TO SEE
WHAT'S IN THE BLUEPRINT STAGE
RIGHT NOW.
NEW, UP-TO-DATE CRIME LAB,
NEW WING OF CELL BLOCKS,
A DISPENSARY,
A REC HALL, A CHAPEL.
UH, WELL, UH, I THINK WE'VE
COVERED EVERYTHING IN HERE.
MAYBE I'D BETTER SHOW
YOU AROUND THE TOWN NOW --
DON'T YOU THINK, ANDY?
YOU KNOW, THE MAYOR'S OFFICE
AND THE COUNCIL CHAMBERS,
AND THE --
DON'T YOU THINK SO?
OH, YEAH, YOU DO THAT.
WELL, BYE, SHERIFF!
WELL, WE'LL JUST, UH...
OH, UH, HURRY BACK,
DEPUTY, I WANT TO HEAR SOME MORE
ABOUT THEM EXPANSION PLANS!
I THINK I HAVE JUST
ABOUT EVERYTHING.
WELL, YOU'VE BEEN
JUST MARVELOUS.
OF COURSE, THERE'S
ONE LITTLE THING
I CAN'T QUITE
GET OVER.
HERE YOU ARE
THE DEPUTY
AND YOU LOOK MORE
LIKE THE SHERIFF
THAN THE
SHERIFF DOES.
WELL, TAKE THE WAY YOU
DRESS, FOR INSTANCE.
YOU WEAR A COMPLETE,
WELL-FITTING UNIFORM
AND THE SHERIFF, WELL...
HE DOESN'T EVEN
WEAR A TIE.
AND I NOTICE THAT HIS
SHOES ARE A LITTLE DUSTY.
WELL, THAT IS ONE
OF ANDY'S WEAK POINTS
BUT ALL IN ALL, UH...
ONE OF HIS
WEAK POINTS?
UH, WELL...
I BET YOU DON'T ALWAYS
AGREE WITH HIS IDEAS
DO YOU?
WELL, UH...
I JUST KNOW THAT A PROGRESSIVE,
DYNAMIC FORWARD-THINKING MAN
LIKE YOURSELF MUST HAVE
SOME VERY DEFINITE IDEAS
AS TO THE WAY
THINGS SHOULD BE RUN.
WELL, THERE ARE
CERTAIN THINGS
THAT I WOULD
DO DIFFERENT
IF, UH... I WAS
RUNNING THE SHOW.
SUCH AS?
WELL...
( clears throat )
I'D, UH... BE
A WHOLE LOT STRICTER
ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS
IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
MMM... I THINK SO.
WELL, LIKE I
ALWAYS SAY, I...
I LIKE TO RUN
A TAUT SHIP.
MM-HMM.
AND THE SHERIFF,
HE DOESN'T RUN A TAUT SHIP?
WELL, THE KID IS A LITTLE
LAX IN THAT DEPARTMENT.
LIKE HOW?
WELL, THE WAY
HE MOLLYCODDLES
OTIS ALL THE TIME.
OTIS?
THE TOWN DRUNK.
WHY, HE PRACTICALLY
HAS THE RUN OF THE JAIL.
HE LOCKS HISSELF UP
WHEN HE GETS DRUNK
LETS HISSELF OUT
WHEN HE GETS SOBER.
HE JUST COMES AND GOES
AS HE PLEASES!
NO!
THINGS WOULD SURE BE DIFFERENT
IF YOU WERE RUNNING THEM.
YOU BET YOUR BUTTONS,
AND CERTAIN PEOPLE
WOULDN'T GET AWAY WITH
CERTAIN CRIMES, NEITHER!
YOU MEAN CRIMES
GO UNPUNISHED?
TAKE THE
EMMA WATSON CASE.
EMMA WATSON?
CHRONIC JAYWALKER.
LISTEN, JAYWALKIN'
IS A CRIME.
AND EVERY BLESSED TIME
I WRITE OUT A TICKET
FOR THAT EMMA WATSON,
ANDY JUST TEARS IT UP,
SAYS SHE'S A SWEET OLD LADY
AND HE AIN'T GOT THE HEART
TO PROSECUTE HER, DARN SOFTY.
THE SHERIFF?
SOFTEST-HEARTED FELLA
YOU EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE.
AFTER TEARING UP
EMMA WATSON'S TICKET
HE'D LIKE AS NOT GIVE HER
A RIDE HOME IN THE SQUAD CAR.
THAT'S SOME WAY TO TREAT
A LAWBREAKER, HUH?
YOU MEAN THAT THE SHERIFF
WOULD USE A SQUAD CAR
FOR UNOFFICIAL
BUSINESS?
LISTEN, ONCE I WAS ALL SET
TO GO OUT ON PATROL --
YOU KNOW WHERE
THE SQUAD CAR WAS?
ANDY WAS MAKING A DELIVERY
FOR ART CROWLEY'S MARKET.
YOU DON'T SAY.
YEAH.
MY GOSH,
LOOK AT THE TIME.
I GOT TO GET BACK
TO THE OFFICE.
SEE THINGS ARE RUN
PROPERLY.
WELL... LISTEN NOW,
ABOUT THAT THESIS OF YOURS,
IS THERE ANYTHING MORE
I CAN GIVE YOU?
OH, NO... OH, NO, NO.
YOU'VE GIVEN ME
ALL I NEED.
GOOD.
I'LL SEE YOU.
PAW, YOU WANNA
HEAR A JOKE?
YEAH.
WELL...
[ WHISPERING ]
OH, YEAH!
PAW, ASK ME IF I TOOK
A BATH THIS MORNING.
OKAY -- DID YOU TAKE
A BATH THIS MORNING?
WHY? IS THERE
ONE MISSING?
Andy: THAT'S PRETTY
GOOD, OPE.
SHERIFF TAYLOR?
YES, SIR.
MY NAME IS ROGER MILTON
STATE'S ATTORNEY'S OFFICE.
OH, GLAD
TO SEE YOU, SIR.
THIS IS MY DEPUTY,
BARNEY FIFE
AND MY SON, OPIE.
WHAT CAN
WE DO FOR YOU?
IF YOU CAN, I'D LIKE
TO HAVE YOU EXPLAIN
THAT ARTICLE.
"DOES THE SHERIFF
RUN THE TOWN
OR DOES THE TOWN
RUN THE SHERIFF?"
WELL, ANDY,
IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU.
"IN A TOWN
CALLED MAYBERRY
JUSTICE HAS BECOME
A FARCE."
Andy: YEAH.
"MALFEASANCE
OF PUBLIC FUNDS,
SHOCKING DISINTEGRATION
OF LAW ENFORCEMENT..."
THEM'S PRETTY
HARSH WORDS.
THAT'S RIGHT,
BUT YOU'LL HAVE A CHANCE
TO DENY THEM AT THE HEARING.
AT THE HEARING?!
THESE ARE VERY SERIOUS CHARGES.
I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO CONDUCT A FULL INVESTIGATION.
I HAVE NO RECOURSE,
SHERIFF TAYLOR
BUT TO SUSPEND YOU FROM OFFICE
PENDING A HEARING
ON THIS MATTER.
CAN HE DO THAT?
I CAN...
UNDER THIS ORDER
FROM THE STATE'S
ATTORNEY'S OFFICE.
DEPUTY, THE HEARING IS SET
FOR TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
UNTIL THEN,
YOU'LL BE
ACTING SHERIFF.
GOOD DAY,
GENTLEMEN.
PAW, AIN'T YOU GONNA BE
SHERIFF ANYMORE?
OH, NOW,
DON'T YOU WORRY.
THERE'S JUST BEEN
A LITTLE MISTAKE
AND IT'LL ALL BE
CLEARED UP.
SOMEHOW OR OTHER.
WHEN'S THIS STUPID
THING GONNA BEGIN?
PRESENTLY, SHERIFF.
DON'T CALL ME THAT.
HE'S THE ONLY
SHERIFF AROUND HERE.
THE COMMISSIONER
WILL DECIDE THAT
AFTER THE HEARING.
( door opens )
ANDY.
YEAH...
THAT ANSWERS A LOT
OF QUESTIONS.
THAT ARTICLE WAS
IN ONE OF YOUR
PUBLICATIONS,
WASN'T IT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHEN YOU HOLD
A GRUDGE
YOU REALLY HOLD IT,
DON'T YOU?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHO ARE YOU GONNA GET
TO PROVE ALL THEM THINGS?
WHO YOU GONNA GET
TO SAY THEY'RE TRUE?
STATE'S ATTORNEY HAS
A KEY WITNESS
WHO WILL SUBSTANTIATE
EVERYTHING.
UH-HUH...
I'LL JUST BET.
BRIBING SOME OUTSIDER
TO TELL A LOT OF LIES.
HA! I'D SURE LIKE
TO GET A CRACK
AT THE GUY
THAT TESTIFIES.
LOW-CRAWLIN' SNAKE.
( door opens )
( clears throat )
THIS HEARING IS
NOW IN SESSION.
MR. MILTON, YOU HAVE LODGED
A CHARGE OF
MALFEASANCE
IN OFFICE
AGAINST MR. TAYLOR HERE.
ARE YOU PREPARED TO PRESENT
YOUR BILL OF PARTICULARS?
YES, COMMISSIONER.
I HAVE A WITNESS WHO WILL
VERIFY THESE FACTS.
WHO IS THIS WITNESS?
BERNARD FIFE.
Commissioner:
TAKE THE STAND,
MR. FIFE.
HUH?
I SAID, TAKE THE STAND.
ME?!
I'M THE WITNESS?!
WOULD YOU TAKE
THE WITNESS CHAIR, PLEASE?
WELL, HOW CAN I BE
A WITNESS AGAINST ANDY?
WOULD YOU MIND
TAKING THE WITNESS
CHAIR, PLEASE?
YOU ARE
BERNARD FIFE?
WELL, OF COURSE,
I AM.
JUST ANSWER
YES OR NO.
WELL, YEAH.
GOOD.
AND IS IT NOT TRUE THAT YOU
YOURSELF MADE THE STATEMENT
THAT SHERIFF TAYLOR WAS LAX IN
THE FULFILLMENT OF HIS DUTIES?
WHERE'D YOU GET
A CRAZY THING LIKE THAT?
ALLOW ME TO PUT IT
IN YOUR OWN WORDS.
SPEAKING OF SHERIFF TAYLOR,
YOU SAID, AND I QUOTE
"THE KID'S A LITTLE LAX.
HE DOESN'T RUN
A TAUT SHIP."
I NEVER SAID NO SUCH
OF A THING!
PERHAPS I CAN
REFRESH HIS MEMORY.
IS THE YOUNG
LADY HERE?
YEAH,
SHE'S OUTSIDE.
IF YOU THINK
IT'S NECESSARY...
I THINK IT'S
NECESSARY, YES.
IT WILL SIMPLIFY
MATTERS.
IT'S THAT COLLEGE KID.
( commissioner bangs gavel )
ANDY, IT'S THAT COLLEGE KID!
COMMISSIONER,
THIS IS JEAN BOSWELL
A NEWSPAPER REPORTER
AND EMPLOYEE OF
MR. JACKSON.
A REPORTER!
SIT DOWN.
THIS IS A TRICK!
SIT DOWN!
CONTINUE,
MR. MILTON.
DO YOU HAVE
AS A FREQUENT PRISONER
OTIS CAMPBELL, THE TOWN DRUNK?
WELL, WE DON'T SAY IT OUT
LIKE THAT...
JUST ANSWER
YES OR NO.
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
AND THIS TOWN DRUNK
IS ALLOWED
TO ARREST HIMSELF,
TO LOCK HIMSELF INTO A CELL
AND IS THEN ALLOWED
TO EFFECT HIS OWN RELEASE?
WHEN YOU PUT IT
LIKE THAT...
YES OR NO?
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT SOMETIMES
CERTAIN CRIMES GO UNPUNISHED?
Barney:
WHAT?
Milton: DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU'D
WRITTEN JAYWALKING TICKETS
ONLY TO HAVE THE SHERIFF
TEAR THEM UP?
AND DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT THE
SHERIFF USES A SQUAD CAR
FOR OTHER THAN
OFFICIAL BUSINESS?
DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU ONCE NEEDED
THE CAR IN THE LINE OF DUTY
BUT THE SHERIFF WAS
DELIVERING GROCERIES?
AND IS IT NOT TRUE THAT THESE
ARE NOT ISOLATED INCIDENTS?
THAT THEY HAPPEN
ALL THE TIME?
DIDN'T YOU SAY SO
YOURSELF?!
YES! YES! YES!
THANK YOU.
YOU MAY STEP DOWN.
Barney:
ANDY...
I SAID, YOU MAY STEP DOWN.
YOU CAN SAY THAT
ALL YOU WANT TO
BUT I AIN'T
STEPPIN' DOWN.
THIS IS A HEARING, AIN'T IT?
WELL, SEEMS TO ME
YOU OUGHT TO HEAR EVERYTHING
NOT JUST A BUNCH
OF YESES.
VERY WELL, YOU MAY SPEAK
IF YOU WISH TO.
THANK YOU.
SURE, I SAID
ALL THEM THINGS.
BUT THE TRUTH IS
SOMETIMES I GET CARRIED AWAY
WITH MYSELF.
WHEN I WAS TALKIN'
WITH THE YOUNG LADY THERE, I...
I GOT TO
BRAGGIN' A
LITTLE BIT.
I GUESS
THAT'S ONE
OF MY FAULTS.
BUT I SURE DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS GONNA BACKFIRE
AND BE USED AGAINST ANDY.
WHY, ANDY'S THE BEST FRIEND
I GOT IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
HE'S THE BEST SHERIFF, TOO.
ALL THEM THINGS
I SAID--
FOR EXAMPLE, HIS USIN'
THE SQUAD CAR
FOR PERSONAL REASONS.
SURE, HE WAS DELIVERIN'
GROCERIES TO EMMA WATSON
BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO SICK
TO GET DOWN TO THE MARKET.
AND THAT'S JUST ONE EXAMPLE
OF THE THINGS ANDY'S DONE
FOR THE FOLKS IN THIS TOWN.
I COULD GIVE YOU A LOT MORE.
YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND,
THIS IS A SMALL TOWN.
THE SHERIFF IS MORE
THAN JUST A SHERIFF.
HE'S A FRIEND.
AND THE PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN
THEY AIN'T GOT A BETTER FRIEND
THAN ANDY TAYLOR.
AND AS FAR AS
ANDY KNOWIN' HIS JOB
I'D JUST LIKE FOR YOU
TO TAKE A LOOK
IN THE RECORD BOOK, MR. JACKSON.
YOU KNOW,
THERE AIN'T BEEN
A MAJOR CRIME
COMMITTED IN
THIS TOWN
THANKS TO
SHERIFF TAYLOR.
THE ONLY RUCKUS YOU'D EVER HAVE
IN MAYBERRY IS
IF YOU TRIED TO REMOVE HIM
FROM OFFICE.
THEN YOU'D HAVE A RIOT!
YOU ASK ME IF ANDY RUNS
A TAUT SHIP, MR. MILTON --
WELL, NO, HE DON'T.
THAT'S BECAUSE OF SOMETHIN'
HE'S BEEN TRYIN' TO TEACH ME
EVER SINCE I STARTED
WORKIN' FOR HIM.
AND THAT IS, THAT WHEN
YOU'RE A LAWMAN
AND YOU'RE DEALIN' WITH PEOPLE
YOU DO A WHOLE LOT BETTER IF
YOU GO NOT SO MUCH BY THE BOOK
BUT BY THE HEART.
I GUESS MAYBE
THAT'S KIND OF HARD
FOR SOME OF YOU
TO UNDERSTAND, I...
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S ALL I GOT TO SAY.
MR. MILTON, IS THERE
ANY OTHER EVIDENCE
OUTSIDE OF THIS
NEWSPAPER ARTICLE?
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
COMMISSIONER...
JUST ANSWER YES OR NO.
NO.
THEN I SEE NO REASON
TO PURSUE THIS MATTER
ANY FURTHER.
SHERIFF TAYLOR...
OUR APOLOGIES FOR
ANY INCONVENIENCE
OR EMBARRASSMENT
WE MAY HAVE CAUSED YOU.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
DOES THIS MEAN
THAT ANDY'S THE
SHERIFF AGAIN?
IT DOES.
GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, ANDY --
GO ON, DO IT.
DO WHAT?
PUNCH ME IN THE NOSE.
WHAT FOR?
FOR BEING SUCH A BLABBERMOUTH!
GO ON, I WOULDN'T
BLAME YOU, PUNCH ME!
OH, BARNEY,
FORGET IT.
OH, ANDY, IF I HADN'T HAD GONE
AND BLABBED TO THAT GIRL,
YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE
GOTTEN INTO THAT MESS!
WELL, IT ALL WORKED OUT
ALL RIGHT,
AND I THOUGHT YOU DID
A FINE JOB
EXPLAINING IT ALL
ON THE WITNESS STAND.
WELL, THE WHOLE THING
WAS UNNECESSARY.
WELL, IT COME OUT ALL RIGHT,
SO JUST FORGET IT.
ALL RIGHT, ANDY, BUT IF I
EVER GO OFF LIKE THAT AGAIN,
YOU JUST PUNCH ME
RIGHT IN THE NOSE,
OR COVER MY MOUTH --
DO SOMETHING!
[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT.
NO KIDDING, NOW --
PROMISE ME!
I GUESS I JUST NEED SOMEBODY
AROUND TO STOP ME, OTHERWISE --
HELLO?
OH, HI, THELMA LOU!
OH, THE HEARING
COME OUT JUST FINE.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE.
WELL, I...
I DID ALL RIGHT FOR MYSELF.
IF I HAVE TO SAY SO MYSELF,
I KIND OF MADE A MONKEY
OUT OF THE PROSECUTOR.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN "HOW"?
I JUST GOT UP ON
THE WITNESS STAND
AND TIED HIM IN KNOTS --
THAT'S HOW!
YEAH, I JUST FIRED ONE QUESTION
AFTER ANOTHER
RIGHT BACK AT HIM,
BING-BING-BING.
YEAH, I MADE
A FOOL OUT OF HIM.
UH...PULLED ANDY
OUT OF THE MESS.
WELL, YOU KNOW,
THE KID SOMETIMES --