The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 2, Episode 21 - Guest of Honor - full transcript

I BELIEVE WE'VE GOT
MOST OF THE DETAILS
PRETTY WELL IRONED OUT.

NOW, ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS TO FIGURE SOME WAY

TO INTEREST
A OUTSIDER IN IT.

YEAH, WELL, I'LL, OH...

YES, YOU SEE

WE GO TO ALL THIS TROUBLE
PUTTIN' ON FOUNDERS DAY.

IT CERTAINLY SEEMS TO ME
THAT WE OUGHT TO GET

MORE OUTSIDERS
TO COME AND SEE IT.

YEAH, THAT'S A STICKLER,
ALL RIGHT.

HOW DO WE STIR UP
INTEREST?

WELL, WELL, I-I HAD
A THOUGHT ON THAT.



WHAT WAS THAT, ANDY?

WELL, IT SEEMS TO ME
THE WAY TO INTEREST OUTSIDERS

WOULD BE
TO INVOLVE A OUTSIDER.

( stuttering )

WELL, JUST EXACTLY
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

WELL, SEE, WE CALL MAYBERRY
THE FRIENDLY CITY.

SUPPOSE WE BE FRIENDLY
TO SOMEBODY.

SUPPOSE WE TAKE A OUTSIDER,
SOMEBODY NOT FROM MAYBERRY

AND MAKE HIM A GUEST OF HONOR
FOR THE DAY.

WE GET ALL THE MERCHANTS TO
CHIP IN AND GIVE SOMETHING...

WHY, THAT COULD BE A REALLY
GOOD-SIZED ATTRACTION.

GET OUT SOME PUBLICITY ON IT.

I BET YOU THAT WE COULD DRAW
PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTY.

FROM THIS WHOLE PART OF
THE STATE, MAYBE.



WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WELL, I THINK THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

WELL, GEE, YOU COULD GIVE, UH...
A NICE, UH...

AND, YES.

I THINK IT'S
AN AMAZING COINCIDENCE.

HUH?

THAT'S EXACTLY
THE SAME IDEA I HAD.

OH, BACK THERE WHERE IT WAS
A REAL STICKLER?

A LITTLE AFTER THAT.

IT SOUNDS LIKE
A GOOD IDEA
TO ME, ANDY.

YEAH, I GO
ALONG WITH ART.

LET'S BRING IT UP
TO THE TOWN COUNCIL

AND IF THEY GO
ALONG WITH IT

WELL, WE'LL GET
TO WORK ON IT.

ONLY THING,
HOW WE GOING TO PICK

THIS GUEST OF HONOR?

YES, ANDY,
NOW HOW DO WE DO THAT?

HOW WE GOING
TO DO THAT?

WELL, THERE'S A REAL SIMPLE
WAY OF DOING IT.

SUPPOSE WE GO OUT
TO THE CITY LIMITS

ON THE MORNING
OF FOUNDERS DAY

AND WE STOP THE FIRST CAR
THAT'S BEING DRIVEN

BY SOMEBODY NOT
FROM MAYBERRY.

AND THAT'LL BE
OUR GUEST OF OUR HONOR.

THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S REAL GOOD.

SOUND FAIR ENOUGH?

IT'S JUST AMAZING!

WHAT?

THAT'S THE SAME IDEA
I HAD AGAIN.

WELL, WE DO THINK
ALIKE, DON'T WE?

WELL, GREAT MINDS.

DO YOU KNOW, ANDY

WE CAN REALLY PLAY
THIS THING UP BIG.

WE CAN HAVE A GREAT-BIG BANNER
ACROSS THE ROAD SAYING

"WELCOME TO MAYBERRY."

WE'LL HAVE THE BAND THERE.

WE'LL GIVE 'EM THE OLD
POLICE ESCORT INTO TOWN

WITH THE SIRENS BLASTIN'.

GIVE 'EM THE WORKS!

( chattering enthusiastically )

THAT'S AMAZING!

HUH?

THAT'S THE SAME
IDEA I HAD.

SO I HEREBY DECLARE YOU
OFFICIAL TEMPORARY DEPUTIES

OF THE MAYBERRY
POLICE FORCE.

AT EASE.

UH, THAT MEANS
YOU CAN PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN.

BOYS, THIS IS IT.

NOW, THERE'S GOING TO BE

A WHOLE LOT MORE FOLKS
IN TOWN TODAY THAN USUAL --

IT BEING FOUNDERS DAY AND ALL.

SO LET'S JUST MAKE SURE
THAT EVERYTHING GOES SMOOTH

AND EXTEND THE COURTESY
OF MAYBERRY TO EVERYBODY.

YOU KNOW, ANSWER QUESTIONS,
GIVE DIRECTIONS

AND JUST ANYTHING
THAT FOLKS MIGHT WANT.

AND YOU BETTER
WEAR YOUR CAPS

SO THAT FOLKS'LL
RECOGNIZE YOU.

UH, FLOYD, UH, YOU AND ART
WANT TO CHANGE CAPS?

UH...CHANGE BACK.

SOMETHING WRONG?

OH, NO, NO, YOU BOTH LOOK
VERY NICE, VERY NICE.

WELL, THAT'S IT.

UH, SHERIFF, I, UH,
I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

NOW, MEN, I HAVE
JUST ONE THING TO SAY.

THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE
KIDS STUFF...

UH, BARNEY...?

SHERIFF,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.

NOW, THERE WON'T BE ROOM
FOR ANY MISTAKES OUT THERE.

ONE MISTAKE IS ONE TOO MANY.

AND YOU'LL EACH BE ON YOUR OWN.

THERE'LL BE NO MOLLYCODDLING.

THAT BADGE MEANS SOMETHING!

DON'T ANY OF YOU
DISGRACE IT!

I WON'T, SIR.

DID YOU HAVE
PERMISSION TO TALK?

NO, SIR.

WHAT'S YOUR
BADGE NUMBER?

THREE.

ALL RIGHT, THREE,
WATCH IT!

NOW LISTEN, MEN,
AND LISTEN GOOD.

THERE'S LIABLE TO BE
TROUBLE OUT THERE TODAY.

WE'RE LIABLE TO HAVE
FOLKS AMONG US

WHO ARE HERE FOR MORE
THAN JUST A GOOD TIME,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

NOW, THE MINUTE IT LOOKS LIKE
THERE'S GOING TO BE TROUBLE

WE GOT TO NIP IT,
NIP IT IN THE BUD!

YOU GOT THAT?

LET'S HEAR IT!

IN THE BUD!

SIR, MAY I
ASK SOMETHING?

BADGE NUMBER?

TWO.

ALL RIGHT, TWO, GO 'HEAD.

ARE WE GOING
TO BE ARMED?

NO, I'M AFRAID NOT,
GENTLEMEN.

I'M AFRAID
THERE WON'T BE ANY TIME

TO EDUCATE YOU MEN
IN THE PROPER USE OF FIREARMS.

SOMEBODY COULD GET HURT.

YOU SEE, IF YOU'RE NOT
FAMILIAR WITH FIREARMS,

THESE BABIES CAN GO OFF.

NOW...

( gunshot )

UH, YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

NOW, I DID THAT

JUST TO SHOW YOU
WHAT COULD HAPPEN.

THAT'LL BE ALL, MEN. 10-4.

WELL, UH, THAT'S, UH...
THAT'S ALL, BOYS.

LET'S JUST GET ON OUT
TO THE CITY LINE

AND WELCOME
OUR GUEST OF HONOR.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE!

HUP-TWO-THREE-FOUR!

TUCK IN THAT GUT!

HUP-HUP-HUP...

( sirens blaring )

ALL RIGHT, SHELDON,
THIS IS WHERE WE LEAVE YOU...

OR RATHER YOU LEAVE US --
NOW GET GOING,

AND DON'T EVER LET US CATCH YOU
IN PIERCE COUNTY AGAIN.

AHH, WHAT A TOUCHING
FAREWELL SPEECH.

ON SECOND THOUGHT,
GET OUT.

WHAT FOR?

I WANT TO MAKE SURE
YOU LEAVE HERE CLEAN.

COME ON.

WHAT'S THIS?

THE CHIEF'S WATCH.

WELL, HE WOULDN'T
GIVE ME THE TIME

SO I HAD TO TAKE IT.

GET OUT OF HERE
BEFORE I LOSE
MY TEMPER.

I'M GOING. I'M GOING.

HEY, HERE COMES SOMETHING.

I SURE DON'T RECOGNIZE THIS CAR.
COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, YOU
ALL THE SAME WAY.

( band playing
out-of-tune melody )

NOW, HOLD IT, HOLD IT,
HOLD IT, FELLOWS.

HOLD IT, HOLD IT.

HOWDY.

WHAT'S WRONG OFFICERS?

I'M -- I'M JUST A STRANGER
PASSING THROUGH.

OH, WE KNOW. WE KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

UH, COULD I
ASK YOUR NAME?

WELL, I...

YOU MEAN,
YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM?

WELL, 'COURSE NOT --
HOW COULD HE?

YOU NEVER BEEN IN MAYBERRY
BEFORE, HAVE YOU?

WELL, NO, I...

( laughing )

YES, I, MY NAME IS
THOMAS A. MOODY

AND I'M, I'M,
I'M A TRAVELING SALESMAN.

WELL, MR. THOMAS A. MOODY,
THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY.

Andy:
THAT'S RIGHT.

WE CORDIALLY
INVITE YOU

TO BE MAYBERRY'S
GUEST OF HONOR
FOR THE DAY.

WHAT FOR?

WHY, TO HELP US
CELEBRATE FOUNDERS DAY.

SEE, IT'S
A ANNUAL CELEBRATION

AND WE'D BE HONORED TO HAVE
YOU CELEBRATE IT WITH US.

YEAH, YOU GET TO GO
TO ALL THE STORES

AND YOU GET FREE GIFTS
AND EVERYTHING.

YOU WOULD BE
MAYBERRY'S GUEST.

WELL, UH...

THEN YOU ACCEPT?

WELL, I WOULD BE
A CRASS BOOR INDEED

TO REFUSE SUCH KIND
AND TRUSTING HOSPITALITY.

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

FLOYD, HAVE YOU
GOT THE KEY?

KEY? OH!

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

MR. MOODY...?

THOMAS A.

MR. THOMAS A. MOODY,
I HEREBY PRESENT YOU
THE KEY TO MAYBERRY.

( band playing )

( blowing whistle )

ALL RIGHT, FOLKS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS.

HOLD IT, BOYS.
HOLD IT.

ALL RIGHT, QUIET
DOWN NOW, EVERYBODY.

FOLKS, I'D LIKE
TO INTRODUCE TO YOU
OUR GUEST OF HONOR --

MR. THOMAS A. MOODY.

ALL RIGHT, QUIET.

QUIET RIGHT DOWN.

MR. MOODY,
MAYBERRY IS YOURS.

THERE YA ARE.

THANK YOU, SHERIFF.

MEMBERS OF THE COMMITTEE,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
OF MAYBERRY,

IT'S AWFULLY HARD
TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY

ON AN OCCASION SUCH AS THIS.

I'LL TELL YOU
ONE THING, THOUGH.

IT'S NEVER HAPPENED
TO ME BEFORE.

WHEN YOUR SHERIFF JUST SAID
THAT MAYBERRY IS MINE...

YOU'VE NO IDEA
WHAT THIS MEANS TO ME.

WHAT CAN I SAY?

I'LL TAKE IT!

BUT I DO WANT TO TELL YOU
WHAT A THRILL THIS IS FOR ME,

AND I WANT TO THANK YOU,
EACH AND EVERY ONE,

FOR MAKING THIS MOMENT POSSIBLE.

BUT ENOUGH OF THIS TALK,
LET ME THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

AND NOW,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME

I'LL GO TO MY HOTEL ROOM
AND FRESHEN UP A BIT

BEFORE STARTING
ON THAT GENEROUS JOURNEY

THROUGH THE BAZAAR'S
OF MAYBERRY.

( band playing )

ALL RIGHT, FOLKS,
HOLD IT, HOLD IT.

NOW, A-AS YOU KNOW,

WE'RE SCHEDULED TO MEET
IN FRONT OF CROWLEY'S MARKET

AT EXACTLY 10:31

TO START THE TOUR
OF OUR MERCHANT STORES.

NOW THAT'LL BE
EXACTLY, UH...

UH, WHAT TIME
IS IT, FLOYD?

OH, ANDY,
I-IT'S EXACTLY, UH...

WELL, IT'S, UH...

WHAT TIME IS IT?

I'VE GOT, UH...

YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, THAT CHECKS, THAT CHECKS.

BLACK HAIR, SMALL MUSTACHE,
FIVE FOOT NINE.

THAT'S HIM, ALL RIGHT. HUH?

IS THAT RIGHT?
EVERY COUNTY, HUH?

UH, NO, NO, I DON'T KNOW
WHY HE STOPPED HERE IN MAYBERRY

BUT DON'T YOU WORRY.

WE'LL SEND HIM
PACKIN' IN A HURRY.

RIGHT -- RIGHT, FRED.

THANK YOU.

Andy: BARNEY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

WHERE IS DAVIS?

DAVIS?

THAT'S OUR GUEST OF HONOR'S
REAL NAME -- SHELDON DAVIS.

HE'S A KNOWN THIEF
AND PICKPOCKET.

HE'S BEEN KICKED OUT
OF EVERY COUNTY

ALL UP AND DOWN
THE WHOLE EASTERN SEABOARD.

OUR GUEST OF
HONOR? OH, NO!

I LEFT HIM UNDER
A HOT TOWEL AT FLOYD'S

FOR HIS COMPLIMENTARY
SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT.

WELL, HE CAN'T STEAL TOO MUCH
UNDER CIRCUMSTANCES LIKE THAT.

WE'LL JUST HAVE
TO KEEP A EYE ON HIM.

ANDY, THIS IS TERRIBLE!

IT'S THE VERY THING

WE'VE BEEN TRYIN'
TO GUARD AGAINST.

WE'LL HAVE TO RUN
HIM OUT OF TOWN.

YEAH, WE'LL HAVE
TO, BUT WE CAN'T.

WELL, WHY NOT?

WELL, WE DID PICK HIM
FOR OUR GUEST OF HONOR

AND HE'LL HAVE
TO BE THAT.

W-WE'LL JUST HAVE
TO WATCH HIM.

WHEN WE SEE HIM
TRY TO STEAL SOMETHING

WE'LL NAB HIM.

YEAH, I GUESS SO.

ANDY, I WAS AGAINST THIS WHOLE
GUEST OF HONOR BUSINESS

RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING.

I THOUGHT YOU WAS THINKIN'
THE EXACT SAME THING

RIGHT AT THE TIME.

OH, NOW YOU'RE TRYIN'
TO PASS THE BUCK, HUH, ANDY?

THAT'S PRETTY SMALL,
PRET-TY SMALL.

BUT I'M WILLING
TO SHARE THE BLAME

IF IT'LL MAKE YOU
FEEL ANY BETTER.

( sniffs )

YOU'RE ALL
HEART, BARN.

LOOK, ANDY,
IF WE LET HIM STAY AROUND HERE

HE'LL STEAL THIS TOWN BLIND.

NOT IF WE WATCH HIM.

WE'LL WATCH HIM TILL THE END OF
THE DAY'S FESTIVITIES.

NOW, THAT'S SIX
HOURS FROM NOW.

SIX HOURS, HUH?

YEAH, I GUESS WE'LL JUST
HAVE TO WAIT IT OUT

AND BE READY FOR ANYTHING.

...TWO, HUT-TWO, HUT-TWO,
HUT-TWO, HUT-TWO, HUT-TWO

HUT-TWO, HUT-TWO,
DETAIL... HALT!

HUT-HO.

I JUST...
I'M CHECKIN' IN, CHIEF.

EVERYTHING IS
UNDER CONTROL, CHIEF.

THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT
IN MAYBERRY TODAY.

GET THEM OUT OF HERE.

ALL RIGHT,
OUT, OUT, OUT! OUT!

WAIT A MINUTE...

COME ON, OUT! OUT! OUT!

OH, WELL, FINE!

GET FLOYD BACK HERE.

NUMBER THREE!

NUMBER THREE REPORTING, SIR.

CHIEF WANTS
TO TALK TO YA.

I THOUGHT YOU WAS GIVIN'
OUR GUEST OF HONOR A SHAVE.

I DID, SIR.
WHERE IS HE?

HE WENT TO THE HOTEL ROOM
TO FRESHEN UP A BIT.

COME ON, BARNEY.

YOU'RE DISMISSED, THREE.

OH...

( sighs )

I TELL YOU, MADGE,
I'VE STUMBLED INTO SHANGRI-LA.

I'VE HAD THE WHOLE TOWN
TO MYSELF.

THEY'VE TAKEN ME
AROUND TO ALL THEIR STORES,

SHOWERED ME WITH GIFTS,

AND NOW THEY'RE WAITING FOR ME
AT THE PUBLIC SQUARE

TO WATCH THE FOUNDERS DAY
PAGEANT, AND...

BUT LISTEN,
I DON'T THINK I'LL SHOW UP.

I -- HUH?

WELL, I WANT TO REVISIT
ONE OF THEIR STORES --

THERE ARE A FEW MORE THINGS
I WANT TO PICK UP.

AH, IT SURE IS TAKIN' HIM
A LONG TIME TO FRESHEN UP.

WELL, AT LEAST IN
HIS OWN HOTEL ROOM

HE CAN'T DO MUCH DAMAGE.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, ANDY, IT'S A SHAME
ABOUT THESE FELLAS THAT STEAL.

YEAH, THEY OUGHT
NOT TO DO THAT.

I WAS READIN' AN ARTICLE
ABOUT 'EM

IN ONE
OF THE POLICE MAGAZINES...

"KLEPTAMINARACKS"
THEY CALL 'EM.

WHAT?

KLEPTAMINARACKS.

WHAT'S A KLEPTAMINARACK?

IT'S A PERSON THAT STEALS
'CAUSE HE CAN'T HELP IT.

IT'S A SICKNESS.

I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE
EVER SEEN ONE.

OH!

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO
WITH THEM IN PRISONS?

NO.

WELL, THEY HAVE
A REHABILITATION PROGRAM

WHERE THEY, YOU KNOW,
TALK TO THEM A LOT,

AND THEY LET THEM
READ BOOKS

AND THEY HAVE THEM MAKE
THESE BASKETS AND THINGS.

THEN WHEN THEY'RE RELEASED,

WHY, THEY CAN BE
USEFUL CITIZENS.

YEAH, I GUESS SO.

YEAH, IT'S AMAZING
WHAT THEY CAN DO

TO STRAIGHTEN THESE FELLOWS OUT
JUST WITH A LITTLE TALK.

YOU KNOW, THEY JUST SHOW 'EM
RIGHT FROM WRONG,

POINT OUT THE ERROR
OF THEIR WAYS,

AND TELL THEM IT'S JUST
WRONG TO STEAL.

AND THEM BASKETS AND THINGS,
THAT CURES 'EM, HUH?

'CAUSE THEY'RE SICK.

OH.

EXCUSE ME, CHIEF.

FLOYD, WHAT ARE
YOU DOIN' HERE?

WELL, I HEARD YOU SAY

THAT YOU WERE GOING
TO COME OVER HERE.

THE RECEPTION COMMITTEE
IS AT YOUR OFFICE

AND THEY WANT TO KNOW
THE ORDER OF EVENTS

FOR THE FOUNDERS DAY PAGEANT.

OH, I BETTER
GET DOWN THERE

AND SEE IF I CAN
KEEP THIS THING
GLUED TOGETHER.

BARNEY, YOU...

ALL RIGHT, FLOYD,
DISMISSED.

RIGHT, CHIEF. OH.

YOU STAY HERE AND
KEEP A EYE ON DAVIS

AND DON'T YOU LET
THAT BIRD LEAVE
HERE WITHOUT YOU.

CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

I-I-I'M SORRY.

I'LL PROBABLY BE BACK
BEFORE HE COMES OUT.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

I CAN HANDLE IT.

I BELIEVE I'LL HAVE
A LITTLE TALK WITH HIM.

THE MAIN THING I GOT TO DO
IS SHAKE THESE CHARACTERS.

THEN I CAN MAKE ONE GOOD HAUL
BEFORE I LEAVE...

( knocking )
HANG ON. YES?

DEPUTY FIFE.

COME IN, DEPUTY.

YES, GOOD-BYE, MAMA.

YES, I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT
WHEN I SEE YOU.

GOOD-BYE, MAMA.

THAT WAS MAMA.

SHE'S SO PROUD OF ME
BEING MAYBERRY'S GUEST OF HONOR.

AH, THAT'S JUST FINE.

IT'S NICE WHEN YOUR MOM'S
PROUD OF YA.

COURSE, I'VE KNOWN
A LOT OF MEN

WHOSE MOMS WEREN'T
PROUD OF 'EM.

THAT'S BECAUSE THEY WERE ROTTEN.

YEAH, I SEE A LOT OF
THAT SORT

IN MY LINE OF WORK --
AND IT'S GRIM, IT'S PRETTY GRIM.

AND IT'S SAD, TOO --

YOU KNOW, FELLAS WHO'VE TAKEN
THE WRONG ROAD

WHEN THEY COULD SO EASILY
HAVE JUST TAKEN THE RIGHT ONE.

YOU KNOW, MEN
WHO COULD BECOME

DECENT, HAPPY CITIZENS
JUST THROWIN' THEIR LIVES AWAY.

AH, I THINK IT'S A SHAME
WHEN THEY DO THAT.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S A SHAME
WHEN THEY DO THAT?

HMM?

OH, SHAME, YEAH...

IT'S SUCH A SHAME.

YEAH. I KNOW WHY
THEY DO IT, TOO.

THEY'RE BITTER.

YOU KNOW, THEY FIGURE
NOBODY TRUSTS 'EM.

IT'S THE OLD
NOBODY-TRUSTS-'EM
COMPLEX.

IS THAT WHY THEY DO IT?

OH, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

NOW, UH, ME,
I DON'T HAPPEN TO BE

ONE OF THEM PEOPLE
THAT DON'T TRUST PEOPLE.

I HAPPEN TO BE
ONE OF THEM PEOPLE

THAT DOES TRUST PEOPLE,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I FIND?

I FIND THAT WHEN YOU DO TRUST
PEOPLE, THEY TRUST YOU BACK.

LOOKEE HERE...

YOU SEE THESE KEYS?

NOW, THEY'RE THE KEYS
TO EVERY STORE IN MAYBERRY.

NOW, THAT MEANS

EVERY STOREKEEPER
IN THIS TOWN TRUSTS ME.

OH... GEE.

I THINK IT'S NICE
WHEN PEOPLE TRUST EACH OTHER.

YOU DO?

YES. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED SOMEBODY
TO HAVE FAITH IN ME.

YOU KNOW, TRUST ME.

I KNOW.

SAY, DID YOU EVER
NOTICE HOW THESE

21-JEWELED WRISTWATCHES

WITH THE PURE GOLD
BANDS SORTA...

SORTA PINCH YOUR WRIST?

YEAH, THEY SURE DO
PINCH YOUR WRIST.

I THINK I'LL JUST...
JUST LEAVE THAT

RIGHT THERE AND KINDA...

KINDA RUB MY WRIST
A LITTLE BIT--

LET SOME AIR GET TO IT.

YEAH, YEAH, I ALWAYS SAY

"IF YOU CAN'T TRUST
YOUR FELLOW MAN, WHY...

WHAT GOOD ARE YA?"

( chuckles )

THIS OLD WORLD'D BE
A MIGHTY POOR PLACE TO LIVE IN

IF YOU COULDN'T...

WHAT DO YA KNOW?

( chuckles )

I GOT TO HIM.

NOW, LISTEN, W-WHEN WE SING
THE MAYBERRY SONG

LET'S BE SURE
AND GET THE WORDS RIGHT.

THAT'S, "MAYBERRY'LL SHINE
TONIGHT, MAYBERRY'LL SHINE.

"WHEN THE MOON COMES UP
AND THE SUN GOES DOWN,

MAYBERRY'LL SHINE."

YOU GOT THAT?

OKAY, FINE.

BETTER GET OUT COPIES ON IT.

( sighs )

( Barney whistling )

BARNEY.

HI, BOYS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

WHERE'S UH, UH...?
YOU MEAN, UH...?

YEAH. WHERE IS HE?

OH, HE'S GONE.

HE'S GONE?!

UH, UH, ALL RIGHT, BOYS,
OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT.

GO OUT AND MARCH
AROUND TOWN.

THEN PATROL, THEN CHECK
AND SEE HOW THE TOWN IS.

GO AHEAD.

WHERE'S DAVIS?

OH, I WOULDN'T WORRY TOO MUCH
ABOUT DAVIS IF I WERE YOU.

I HAD A LITTLE TALK
WITH HIM.

YOU HAD A TALK
WITH HIM?

RIGHT, ABOUT TRUTH AND HONESTY

AND THEN I TOOK OFF
MY WRISTWATCH

AND I PUT IT ON THE TABLE,
THEN I TURNED MY BACK.

LOOKEE THERE.

( chuckles and sniffs )

I 'SPECT HE'S DOWN
THE TOWN SQUARE WAITIN' FOR US.

WHERE'S YOUR KEYS?

HMM?

YOUR KEYS!
WHERE'S YOUR KEYS?

OH, MY GOSH...

COME ON.

EVERYTHING IS OKAY IN MAYBERRY.

GET OUT...!

"OH, WHAT A TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE

WHEN FIRST WE PRACTICE
TO DECEIVE."

RIGHT THROUGH HERE,
COME ON.

GET IN THERE, BUSTER!

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DEALING
WITH, A BUNCH OF HICKS?

YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET AWAY
WITH THAT STUFF IN THE BIG CITY,

BUT YOU GOT TO GET UP PRETTY
EARLY IN THE MORNING

TO GET AWAY WITH IT
IN MAYBERRY, BUDDY!

WELL, LOOKS LIKE
OUR GUEST OF HONOR

IS GOING TO SPEND MORE TIME
WITH US THAN WE THOUGHT.

HUH...

HOLY COW!
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT!

HE'S PICKED EVERY
POCKET IN MAYBERRY!

WE GOT TO GET THIS STUFF BACK TO
THE FOLKS IT BELONGS TO.

WELL, HIS PICKING DAYS
ARE OVER FOR A WHILE.

YEAH...
WHERE'S YOUR BADGE?

HUH?
YOUR BADGE, WHERE IS IT?

ALL RIGHT, SMART ALECK!

HAND THAT BADGE OVER, AND DON'T
GO TRYING ANY MORE OF THAT

AROUND HERE -- I KNEW YOU TOOK
IT OFF ME ALL THE TIME,

SO DON'T THINK
YOU'RE SO SMART!