That Girl (1966–1971): Season 5, Episode 6 - There Sure Are a Bunch of Cards in St. Louis: Part I - full transcript

[Donald] 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4,

3, 2, 1. Now.

Now I'm right on time.

Well, actually, you're early.

You said 5:00.

It's exactly 5:00.

I know, but we really
don't have to leave

for the airport till 5:15.

A-ha.

So you said 5:00 because
you know I'm always late.

And if it were now 5:15, you
would've been very clever.



Something like that.

Uh-huh. Yes, you
see, but I knew that.

Oh, really?

Then, how come you're here?

- So you'll owe me.
- What?

You owe me 15
minutes. Right? Right.

And I'm going to keep
picking up 15 minutes

until the day we're
supposed to get married.

Then you'll owe
me a couple hours,

and when you're waiting
for me at the church,

you won't be
able to say a thing.

I'll cry.

Then I'll be on time.

Hi.



- You ready?
- Yeah. Car's outside.

Oh, good.

Taking your bedroom furniture?

1, 2, 3, 4... I didn't
pack one thing

that wasn't
absolutely necessary.

Honey, the play
only runs for a week.

I know, I know, and normally,

this part would just
be a two-bag job.

But since it's in your hometown,

it turned into a six-bag job.

I don't understand that.

Well, Donald, I'm
going to be meeting

all of your friends
and relatives,

and I want your parents to say

"Ann, you haven't changed."

Not "Ann, you haven't changed."

Honey, my parents, my
friends, and my relatives,

in fact, the entire
population of St. Louis

would love you if you...

Uh, I was going to say if
you weren't wearing anything,

but I'm not going to say that.

Donald, do you think
your family will like me

and accept me?

Honey, what does a
family want for their son?

A girl who's warm, sensitive,

understanding,
lovable, and beautiful.

Oh, Donald, am I that girl?

♪ Diamonds,
daisies, snowflakes ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Chestnuts,
rainbows, springtime ♪

♪ Is That Girl ♪

♪ She spins a lot of dreams ♪

♪ She's everything that
every girl should be ♪

♪ Sable, popcorn, white wine ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Gingham, bluebirds, Broadway ♪

♪ Is That Girl ♪

♪ She's mine alone,
but luckily for you ♪

♪ If you find a girl to love ♪

♪ Only one girl to love ♪

♪ Then she'll be
That Girl, too ♪

That Girl!

You sure you don't
want anything to eat?

Oh, no, Donald.

If your mother's
anything like mine,

she'll have enough
food for an army

the minute we walk in the door.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Looks pretty good.

I'm so nervous.

Honey, you'll be
great in the show.

Oh, Donald, I'm not
worried about the play.

I'm nervous about
being in St. Louis,

and meeting all your
family and friends,

and passing inspection.

Honey, there won't
be any inspection,

and you'll pass it easily.

What about your
great-aunt Belle?

No problem.

You said yourself,
she's the tough one.

Honey, my great-aunt
Belle is an old lady

who traditionally has
had something to say

about every kind
of family business,

but we just humor her.

Your cousin Danny sure
didn't find any humor in her.

Well, he was really
engaged to a dummy, anyway.

It's a good thing Aunt
Belle talked him out of it.

I like the way she
said it, though.

"You're really engaged
to a dummy, Danny."

Honey, believe
me, she'll love you.

I don't know.

Mmm-hmm. She'll love you.

They'll love you.

I've only had dinner
with you once,

and I love you.

It's the first time
she's met all the family

since we've been engaged.

Oh.

Well, the trick, young
lady, is to ask his mother

for the recipe of
every dish she serves.

That's what my wife did.

Really? And it worked?

23 years, and she never
had an in-law problem.

Oh, that's fantastic.

And I've never
had a decent meal.

Excuse me.

There you go. You
see, you charmed him.

If you can charm a
crazy person like that,

you can certainly
charm Aunt Belle.

What makes him
such a crazy person?

He ate his broccoli
and left his ice cream.

Donald, don't say
broccoli, ice cream, or food.

- You're hungry, too?
- Starving.

Well, honey, let me
order you something to eat.

Oh, Donald, for heaven's sakes,

your mother's probably
been cooking all day.

The least we can do
is wait another hour.

[sighing]

I never should
have worn this outfit.

You look great.

Your mother's
not going to like it.

Why won't she like it?

Well, because, it's
not in the middle.

I should have worn
something in the middle.

- Of what?
- Of length.

I couldn't wear a mini.

You know I couldn't wear a mini.

- I didn't know that.
- Oh, you knew that.

I figured I'd wear the midi.

But she may
think I look too old.

If she doesn't know the style,

she could think
this is old-fashioned.

Oh, honey.

I should've worn
a nurse's uniform.

Oh.

Oh, it's a taxi. It's them.

Oh, it's Donald. Oh, Bert.

Oh, Bert,

he's going around to
open the door for her.

She couldn't open
the door for herself?

She looks very nice.

She's wearing an
old-fashioned coat.

Look, I'll make a deal with you.

You stop the play-by-play,

and I'll go upstairs
and get my shoes.

[doorbell rings]

Welcome to St. Louis.

- Thank you.
- [Donald] Hi, Mom.

- Oh, Donald, darling,
how are you?
- How are you?

- So good to see you.
- Good to see you.

Come right in, Donald, dear.

Come in, Ann.

Unless you want me, too,

somebody'd better
come up with $4.85.

Oh, oh, yeah. I'm
sorry. I'm sorry.

Oh, this is lovely.

- Finally got here, huh?
- Hi, Pop.

- Hello, Ann.
- Hi, Mr. Hollinger,
how are you?

Hi, son.

An engagement present,
you shouldn't have.

You wouldn't be
able to fill them.

Hi, Pop.

How was the trip?

Well, aside from
a little turbulence

when we were claiming
our bags, it was perfect.

They lost my bag.

- Oh, Donald.
- Oh, Mom, now don't worry.

They said they'd get
it back to me tonight.

They're going to phone later.

Thank goodness I didn't
lose one of mine, too.

How would you know?

Hold it.

I smell something fantastic.

You know, he smelled
something fantastic even as a baby.

I think it was the
talcum powder.

Pop, you're getting
funny in your old age.

What is that, Mom?

Swiss steak.

Oh, you're kidding.

Swiss steak is
one of my favorites.

Bert's, too. He
just finished it all.

What did they serve
you on the plane?

What did they serve?

Uh, well, they
served a huge meal

with, uh, broccoli
and ice cream.

Oh, good.

Yes, yes, it was.

But not as good as
your Swiss steak, I'll bet,

or even any of your leftover
potatoes, if you have any.

Oh.

You're sweet.

You must really
give me your recipe

for that Swiss
steak, Mrs. Hollinger.

It smells terrific.

Dabney's frozen dinners.

Oh. That's a good idea.

Yeah. Hey, uh, by the way, Don.

We've invited some
people over for later on.

Oh, great, Pop. Good.

Yeah. I asked all
your old friends

to step in and meet
Ann this evening...

Oh, that's very nice.

Around 9:00.

It'll give you a chance
to get a little rest.

Oh, good. Thank you.

Oh, Don, why don't you
take Ann's bags upstairs?

She'll be using your old room,

and you can use the guest room.

Oh, no, for heaven's sakes.

I'm the guest. I don't
want to take Donald's room.

Guest room is one
of those phrases

for some space over
the garage, which I love,

and which you wouldn't
be nearly as comfortable in

as my old room.

- Are you sure?
- Positive.

Let's sit down, Ann.

[chuckling]

Thank you.

Is, uh, Aunt Belle
coming tonight?

- Nope.
- Oh.

We're taking her

to the opening of
your play Monday.

She likes plays.

Our tickets are
in the fourth row.

Center.

Yeah, center, left side,

right side, on both aisles.

You bought the whole row?

Well, cousins alone
take up most of the seats.

Yes, and on Wednesday night,

my lodge bought a whole section,

and we're selling the tickets
for our theater charity event.

You're going twice?

Him, twice.

Oh.

Oh, I would've gone
Wednesday also, Ann,

but I, um, I really never
miss the 7:00 news.

And since I'm
giving it up Monday...

Oh, oh, well, sure.

I mean, my goodness.

I think a 75-cent tip
would be perfectly in order.

Okay, I'll take it.

[all chuckling]

I don't know what it is.

As soon as he takes off
his shoes, he's Bob Hope.

Come on, honey, I'll
show you your room.

Oh, fine. Excuse me.

Now you get some rest, Ann,

and come down whenever you want.

And you come right down, Donald.

She obviously needs her rest.

Yeah, well, if you hear
any screams, Mom,

you'd better come up right away.

Yeah. When your son's
in trouble, he screams.

Mildred, I like her.

She's a lucky girl.

Your mother doesn't like me.

I like you.

That's the thing that counts.

Then she doesn't like me.

I didn't say that.

Well, you said "I like
you," with the "I" underlined.

That means you like
me, but she doesn't.

It doesn't mean that at all.

She couldn't help but like you.

And besides,

you're not supposed to like me,

you're supposed to love me.

You're right. I love
you, she likes you.

She could love me, too.

Right again. I love
you, she loves you,

the man in the plane loves
you, the cab driver loves you.

Where did you get those?

I'm starving.

You know those little dishes
that everybody always asks

- whether it's a candy dish
or an ashtray?
- Yeah.

Well, the one downstairs
that was a candy dish

is now an ashtray.

Oh, finish these. I'm
too nervous to eat.

Honey, honey, please.

Come on, now. Stop it.

Oh, Donald, most girls
who meet their future families

are judged just on
what they're like.

- That's right.
- Well, I'm going to be judged

on how good an
actress I am, too.

Oh, honey.

That was not one
of my brighter moves,

taking this job.

Honey, please,
please, do me a favor.

Don't worry about
anything, okay?

Okay.

- Donald.
- What?

Close your eyes.

Closed.

What am I holding?

What do you...

I knew this trip was a mistake.

You should never let the
girl you're going to marry

go through your
closet and find Ba-Ba.

Ba-Ba?

Yeah, Ba-Ba. Ba-Ba is a
perfectly acceptable name

for a person like that.

Well, that room over the
garage sounds pretty scary.

You'd better take him with you.

You think I needed
Ba-Ba to fall asleep?

Is that it?

Like Linus's blanket,
or something?

Guys don't do those things.

Okay, once in a while,
if there was thunder.

Or if I happened to go to
sleep when it was dark out,

or if it was raining.

- Or if I couldn't find Fuzzy.
- Fuzzy?

- My rabbit.
- Oh, I see.

But after college, I
got along without them.

Oh, I'm awfully
glad to hear that.

Oh, Donald.

I think it's nice that
you were a little boy.

I think it's nice that
you were a little girl, too.

That way you grew up soft.

Oh, Donald,

you don't have to worry
about your lost suitcase.

You can always wear this.

That would be a mistake.

Mmm, little skimpy.

It must've shrunk.

Yeah, well, wool's like that.

The more you eat,
the more it shrinks.

And why would it be a mistake?

You see this letter?

This letter made me

a very big man
down at the malt shop,

and women were
known to go berserk

just looking at it.

I'll take my chances.

Maybe it was the
malt that did it to them.

Oh, Donald,

I wish I'd known you when
you were in high school.

I was voted class cute.

We could've gone
to all those things,

you know, like,
the varsity dinner.

Sorry about that. I
took Janet Booth.

Ooh, that name
came back awfully fast.

Well, honey, it... It
sure did, didn't it?

Wait a minute. Here.

I want to show you something.

Which one was me?

Oh, uh, that one.

You knew that was me?

Somebody told you.

I got a secret
letter in the mail

that said "Donald is
fourth from the left."

How could you tell
that one was me?

It looks like you.

That looks like me?
That doesn't look like me.

Well, you're holding Ba-Ba.

Honey, does that look like me?

Tell me about Janet Booth.

Oh, she's a lovely girl.

I always liked Janet.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, dear.

Uh, shouldn't you be
letting Ann get her rest?

[Ann] Oh, no.

Mom, Mom, does
that look like me?

Oh, wasn't he a
beautiful little boy?

Yes, he was. He's
more handsome now.

Did the airline call?

Uh, not yet.

Oh, Mrs. Hollinger,
thank you for the flowers.

They're lovely.

Oh, I'm so glad you like them.

They're favorites of mine... Oh.

Good thing you carry
this instead of packing it.

By the way, you'll be
meeting Janet tonight.

She's coming to the party.

[Ann chuckling]

Ann, you've made
me a very happy man.

- Me?
- Sure.

Now I'm the most eligible
bachelor in the group.

Also the only bachelor.

Ann,

- I want you
to meet the Parkers.
- I'd love to.

- Come on, Donald.
- Excuse us, Herb.

Boy, she sure is a looker, Bert.

Is she nice?

Well, of course she's nice.

Your Donald can really pick 'em.

Actress, huh?

That's right.

Say, has she ever been
in any of those shows,

uh, you know, Calcutta?

Harry.

Well, that's where it's at.

Oh, well, I'll, uh,
bring her over,

and you can ask her yourself.

Harry, if you say one word...

Oh, that's all right.

Since she got out of prison,

things like that just
don't bother her.

Prison?

Yeah.

Something to do
with her first husband.

Pardon me.

Donny practically
lived at our house.

Oh, that's nice.

How is Margie, by the way?

That's not nice.

Well, she has four children now.

That's nice.

And we're going to
see you in the play

The Queen of Diamonds, right?

That's right.

And what part do you play?

I play Megan,
the queen's sister.

That's the second biggest part.

Well, you keep
practicing. You'll make it.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, more guests.

Oh, Mom, that's all right.
I'll get it. Come on, honey.

Excuse us, please.

It was nice to have met you.

Thanks.

Oh, hi, Janet. I'm
glad you could come.

Wouldn't miss it for anything.

As a matter of fact, I would
give anything to miss it

if I could miss it
someplace with you.

Uh, uh, yeah. Uh,
Janet, this is Ann Marie.

Ann, honey, this is Janet Booth.

Hi.

You're much prettier
than your picture.

It was in the paper.

Oh.

About the play.

Oh, yes, of course.

It's big news when a New
York actress comes to St. Louis.

Why, Janet was quite
an actress, herself.

We did a revue
in college together.

She was terrific.

Oh, he's prejudiced.

He was in love
with me at the time.

Oh.

But I gave up any thoughts
of becoming an actress

to concentrate on being a woman.

How's it coming?

I'm going to steal you
away for a couple of minutes.

I want you to meet
some of the other guys.

Oh, sure.

I... I still drink gin.

Oh, uh, sure, sure, Janet.

The bar is this way.

Never thought that wild
man would settle down.

How'd you get him to propose?

Chippy, for heaven's sakes.

Well, actually, I
played it very cool.

I knew he was going
to ask me to marry him,

so I played hard-to-get,

and waited till
he said "Will you"

before I said, "Yes, yes."

With us, it was the old
down-on-one-knee thing.

Oh, how romantic.

Eh, she really
looked silly that way.

Oh, they're all such big
shots after you've got them.

Aren't they?

[Herb] There's Dave.

Come on, Ann, I want
you to meet him. Yoohoo.

Huh? Oh. Nice talking to you.

- [Woman] Same.
- See you later.

Say hello to Dave while I
say hello to the bartender.

- Hello, Dave.
- Hi, Ann.

This must be
pretty dull for you.

I mean, your life is so terrific

with all that show
business stuff.

Oh. No, believe me,
it's not that glamorous.

You know Ed Sullivan?

Ed Sullivan?

No.

Oh, he's some guy.

I got to tell you
the wildest thing.

I mean, you'd be
interested in this

because you're in that field.

Oh, sure.

Linda and I spent

our fifth wedding
anniversary in New York City.

She'd never been there before,

and, well, I thought she'd
get a big kick out of it.

You know? I took her
to all the great places.

Radio City Music
Hall, terrific show.

Nothing like in St. Louis.

I guess you go there
all the time, huh?

Ann?

Where?

Uh, Radio City Music Hall.

Oh. Oh, yes. Yeah,
I live in New York.

Well, anyway, the second night,

we went to this
terrific little restaurant

we read about in our tour book.

Who do you think is
sitting at the next table?

Ann?

Uh, next table?

Ed Sullivan.

Oh, Don tell you this?

Oh, no, I, you
know, I just figured,

since you said before
that you knew Ed Sullivan.

Oh, yeah.

Well, anyway,
Linda's a little shy.

So I figured I'd get up,

and he'd get a kick
out of being recognized.

So I walked up over
to him... Ye... Yes.

Y-Yes, Aunt Belle, yes.

Yes, she's attractive,

in that theatrical sort of way.

Well, the rest you'll
have to judge for yourself

tomorrow night.

No, no, no, no.

I haven't said a
word to Don about it.

Yeah. He just told me
she's free tomorrow night.

Yes. Fine, fine. Good-bye.

[sighing]

Why does Belle have
to have a surprise party?

Why couldn't she have
come here tonight?

Because tonight,
she's sitting for Maxine,

and besides, she likes to
catch people off their guard.

You know something, Mildred?

I'll bet if she'd have
caught us off her guard,

we'd never have gotten married.

Now, not a word
to Don or Ann now.

All we have to do

is ruin Aunt Belle's
surprise tomorrow night,

and I wouldn't want to be Ann

for all the tea in Kansas.

I walked up to
him, and I said...

"Really big shew."

Hi, Dave. How are
you? Nice to see you.

I see you're taking
care of the lady.

- Yes.
- Yes.

All the gentlemen in St. Louis

seem to be very good at that.

Huh?

Oh. Oh, uh, yeah.

Uh, excuse us a minute.

Just a minute, Dave. Excuse us.

[glass clinking]

Hold it, hold it.

Shh. We have a
little toast coming up.

This must be for us.

You and Janet?

Now, when Donald
first went to New York,

I decided that as his father,

I should give him a
little sound advice.

As he was going to a
very lucrative position,

I couldn't advise him on
how to scrimp and save.

I couldn't warn him about
the evils of the big city

because his friends had
introduced him to those

years ago.

So, I decided to
concentrate all my advice

on the subject of women.

[Men] Hear, hear!

I said, son, beauty isn't
everything in a woman.

Brains aren't
everything in a woman.

Talent isn't
everything in a woman.

Now, Donald had never
paid attention to me before,

and he didn't pay any
attention to me then.

He went right out and
got himself involved

with the most beautiful,

the brightest and most
talented young lady

I have ever met.

So, here's a toast to my son,

who never paid any
attention to his father

proving that he had
a lot of good sense.

- [applauding]
- Hold it! Hold it, hold it.

And to his lovely lady, whom
we welcome to our family

with much love.

- [clapping]
- Thank you.

Even if you decided to
leave me now for Janet,

I'd insist on custody
of your father.

He's a cute little
guy, isn't he?

Yeah, he's perfect.

Like son, like father.

Honey, just for the record,

you're really not jealous
of Janet Booth, are you?

Just for the
record, I really am.

- Honey...
- Oh, Donald.

You should be
glad I'm jealous...

And I always will be,
even if there's no reason

for me to be.

And I know there's
no reason for me to be,

so... perhaps
you'll kiss me now.

- [knocking]
- May I come in?

Perhaps you won't.

- [Ann] Hi!
- Hi, Mom.

I just wanted to see if there
was anything Ann needs

before she goes to bed.

Oh, no thank you.
Oh, and Mrs. Hollinger,

thank you for the
party, it was really lovely.

Oh, please don't thank me.

After all, there's nothing
too good for Donald.

And you.

Well, see you in the morning.

Oh, by the way, we're having
just a casual evening tomorrow,

at a local restaurant.

Oh, that'll be fine, thank you.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Good night, dear.
- Good night, Mom.

Your mother doesn't
like me, Donald.

Come on, honey, that's silly!

It is not silly. She
doesn't like me.

Women know these
things about other women.

If she didn't like you,

would she have given
that party tonight?

Of course she would, if she
gave it to make you happy.

And she's making plans at a
restaurant for tomorrow night.

It's easier than cooking.

Honey, what does it matter

whether she loves you
or she doesn't love you?

What does it matter?
Donald, she's your mother!

No marriage should start off

where the mother of the
groom hates the bride.

"Hates?" Where did you get hate?

She doesn't hate you,
honey. She likes you.

She probably loves
you... And if she doesn't,

it doesn't make any
difference, honestly.

Oh, Donald, it certainly does.

And I am definitely
going to make it my project

before I leave St. Louis.

Not only am I going
to be a star on stage,

but I'm going to be a
star future daughter-in-law.

- And you know how?
- How?

I thought you'd know!

Next week on That Girl:

- Good morning.
- Get out quickly.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- No, she meant me, not you.

Oh. What chance have I got?

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Please sit down, Ann.
- Good morning.

Yes, sit down,
sweetheart, good morning.

We knew you had
to go to rehearsal,

and we didn't want you
to go down there hungry.

Oh, don't worry about me.

I never eat anything
for breakfast.

I can't believe it. Audrey
looked great yesterday

Well, what happened to her?

It didn't happen to
her. It happened to me.

One day before the
show's supposed to open,

my star comes down
with the measles.

Hi! Hi, sweetheart.

Stan, I'd like you
to meet my fiancée.

- Honey, this is Stan Musial.
- Hello.

- Stan, this is Ann Marie.
- Nice to meet you.

Thank you.

"Stan the Man."

It's nice to meet you too.

The Cards.

Oh! Oh.

You're one of Donald's
poker-playing buddies.

I never had the pleasure,

but I used to play
a little baseball.

♪♪ [cocktail piano]

- She is late, isn't she?
- Yeah.

She is only late
if she's coming.

If she doesn't come,
she will not be late.

She will simply not be here.

Is this what your
life is going to be?

Married to a chorus girl?

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

♪ Diamonds,
daisies, snowflakes ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Chestnuts,
rainbows, springtime ♪

♪ Is That Girl ♪

♪ She's mine alone,
but luckily for you ♪

♪ If you find a girl to love ♪

♪ Only one girl to love ♪

♪ Then she'll be
That Girl, too ♪

That Girl!