That Girl (1966–1971): Season 5, Episode 5 - Rattle of a Single Girl - full transcript

Ann and Donald have an argument which reduces Ann to tears, since she believes them arguing, which they never did before getting engaged, means that their engagement is a mistake. As such, Marcy suggests to Ann that they go see a marriage counselor. Ann wants her and Donald to go to a counselor immediately, at the expense of doing anything else in their life, like looking for a new apartment. Despite Ann and Donald both apologizing to the other about the argument and despite Donald believing that going to see a marriage counselor before they're even married is a crazy idea, he agrees if only to appease Ann. At their session with Dr. Globe, they don't seem to be able to find anything about the other that would suggest that their relationship is in trouble. To the contrary, Dr. Globe feels that they not talking about issues that bothers them about the other means that they are indeed not ready to get married, and suggests further counseling. Is Ann and Donald's relationship truly in trouble because they can't communicate with each other, or is Dr. Globe manufacturing problems that don't exist?

- Miss?
- Oh. Uh, yes?

- Ready to order yet?
- Oh, uh, no, thank you.

I'm waiting for my
friend. She's a little late.

How about a fresh napkin?

Thank you.

[Woman] Hey, Ann!

Hi! Gee, I'm sorry I'm late,

but I got at this tug-of-war
sale at Ohrbach's.

You should have seen
these two stupid ladies

fighting over this
stupid 3.98 blouse.

Guess who won.



Would you ladies like
a cocktail before lunch?

Oh, I'll just have
a tomato juice.

Uh, I will have
a double martini.

I didn't have one yesterday.

Okay, Ann, come
on now. Fill me in.

What's been happening?

Happening? Oh. Oh, happening.

Uh... well, uh,
you know, I've, uh,

been auditioning a lot for a
lot of commercials and things

and, uh...

last week I did a commercial
for this new detergent

that gets air pollution
out of clothes, too.

No, I didn't mean
that. I meant Donald.

You and Donald, your engagement.



What's been happening with that?

Oh, that. Nothing.

Ann, what's the matter?

Something's wrong
between you and Donald.

Oh, Marcy.

I think I made a terrible mistake
in getting engaged to Donald.

Here we are. One double martini.

You better give it to that girl.

♪ Diamonds,
daisies, snowflakes ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Chestnuts,
rainbows, springtime ♪

♪ Is That Girl ♪

♪ She spins a lot of dreams ♪

♪ She's everything that
every girl should be ♪

♪ Sable, popcorn, white wine ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Gingham, bluebirds, Broadway ♪

♪ Is That Girl ♪

♪ She's mine alone,
but luckily for you ♪

♪ If you find a girl to love ♪

♪ Only one girl to love ♪

♪ Then she'll be
That Girl, too ♪

That Girl!

You and Donald a
mistake? I don't believe it.

What happened?

Oh, Donald and I had
this dumb argument.

We never had any arguments
before we got engaged.

And I've been all jittery
and nervous and shrieky.

And why?

I just never should
have gotten engaged.

We were so happy before.

Oh, Marcy, what's happening?

Listen, Ann, I think
what you've got

is commonly known as a
case of the pre-marital miseries.

I felt the same way with Harry.

Believe me, I know.

Oh, come on.

You and Harry met, fell in love,

and poof, you got married.

Oh, yeah, poof.

And that's why we had
my pre-marital miseries

after I got married.

Two years later, pfft.

Pfft?

From poof to pfft?

Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea.

No, it's nothing
to be sorry about.

Harry and I worked things
out with a marriage counselor.

I should have done what you
should do if you want to be smart.

What?

Gone to my marriage
counselor before I got married.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Ridiculous?

Did you know

that one marriage out
of three in this country

ends in divorce?

And what's a divorce?

A mistaken marriage that
probably could have been saved

with the help of a little
pre-marital planning.

One out of three?
You're kidding.

No.

You and Donald ought to
go to a marriage counselor

for some pre-marriage
discussions.

Oh, Donald would never go.
He would think I was crazy.

One out of three
husbands also thought

their wives were crazy no doubt.

One out of three end in divorce.

I can't get over that.

Well, ours would never, ever...

One out of three?

Now, of course, Mr. Hollinger,

you have to use
your imagination.

You know, a drape
here, a rug there,

a couple of pictures on the wall

and this apartment
really comes alive.

Oh, Donald. Donald,
I'm sorry I'm late.

That's okay, honey. Ann, listen,

I'm sorry I raised my
voice to you on the phone.

I was just upset
about my work...

Oh, that's okay.
I apologize, too.

I shouldn't have
screamed in your ear.

Eh?

- [clears throat]
- Oh, excuse me.

Honey, this is
Mr. Morse, the landlord.

Mr. Morse, this is my
fiancée Miss Marie.

How do you do, Miss Marie?

You have a very
loyal fellow here.

He wouldn't hardly look
around at anything without you.

Let me show you something.

Donald, I've got
something very important

I want to talk to you about.

Now from over here,
you can see Central Park.

I don't see the park.

No, no. I said from over here.

See? Between those buildings?

That green stuff
behind the schoolyard.

Oh! Oh, yes.

Now I see it.

Just like living in the country.

Well, it's very nice.

We'll talk about it,
and we'll call you.

- Come on, Donald.
- Ann.

Young lady, you have
to use your imagination.

A drape here, a rug there.

Uh, Mr. Morse, I was wondering,

would you mind letting us

look through the
apartment by ourselves?

Sure. I understand.

Some people are
allergic to landlords.

I'll just let the apartment
speak for itself.0

But believe me, a couple
of pictures on the wall

and this place comes alive.

Now you just enjoy
yourself. Forget that I'm here.

Thank you. Thank you.

Honey, listen, I know you're
upset about something,

but don't you think you ought to
give the apartment a fair chance?

It looks nice.

Oh, Donald, I've got
something more important

to talk to you about than
just a nice apartment.

Just a nice apartment?
In New York?

Some people are looking
through the obituaries

to find nice apartments.

Oh, Donald, darling, please.

I've got something I
want to talk to you about.

- Please take me home.
- Mr. Hollinger?

What about the apartment?

The what?

Oh, oh, the apartment.

Uh, uh, yes.

But, no, for now.

I mean, I don't know.

Uh, Mr. Morse, I'll have to
let you know abut yes or no.

You have my telephone
number. I'll call you.

I mean, the other way around.

You can't see that's ridiculous?

No, I can't.

I mean, one out of three

is not a small
statistic, Donald.

Going to a marriage
counselor before you're married

is like calling a lifeguard

while you're still
in the locker room.

Well, what's wrong with that?

I mean, why not see if
there's a lifeguard out there

before you just go running
blindly into the water?

But you notice that the minute
you step out on the beach.

Yeah, but why go
through all the trouble

of going into the locker room

and putting on your bathing suit

if you don't call
out first to be sure

whether or not there's
a lifeguard out there?

All right. Right. All right.

We'll call a lifeguard.

No marriage counselor,
just a lifeguard.

Oh, Donald, you're terrible.

You're really being unfair.

Can't you see how much
this is bothering me?

Of course I can
see it, honey, but...

But it just doesn't
matter to you.

Yes, it matters, but...
But. But, but, but.

Oh, look, see? Now
we're fighting again.

Donald, see? We're fighting.

Honey, believe me, I'm
trying to understand...

Oh, Donald, please.

Let's save our marriage
while we're still single.

I don't want us to be
the one out of three.

We're not going to
be one out of three...

Oh, Donald, believe me,

it didn't make any sense
to me, either, at first.

It did sound silly, but it
really does make sense.

And it couldn't
really hurt, could it?

Being happily married
to you is really all I want.

And a breath... I could
really use a breath.

Please, Donald?

Okay. Okay, honey.

Okay, all right.
Call your Dr. Globe.

Oh, Donald. Thank you.

Here, I'll look up his number,

and we'll try and make
an appointment right now.

Honey, we also have to make
a decision about the apartment,

or else we're going to lose it.

Now that I'll leave
totally up to you.

If you think we should take it,
we'll take it. If you don't, we won't.

Whatever you want
to do about that is fine.

I think we should take it.

I think we're making
a big mistake.

Miss Ann Marie.

Mr. Donald Hollinger.

Very well.

How are you?

Uh, which one of
us did you mean?

Either or both.

The question was just casual.

Oh. Casual.

Well, we're fine.
I mean, I'm fine.

I'm sure Donald is, too,

but it would be wrong
for me to speak for him.

I don't do that.

I don't think a wife
should or even a pre-wife.

- Say something, Donald.
- I'm fine, thank you, Doctor.

See? I was right. He is fine.

It's really quite
simple, Miss Marie.

All I ask you to do
with complete candor

is to inform Mr. Hollinger

of the things that he says
or does that irritate you.

Irritate me.

D-Donald?

What kind of things?

Oh, habits or quirks of his
you've never told him about...

Things that you've suppressed

and wished you'd told him about.

Oh, those things.

There aren't any.

- Thank you.
- Don't mention it.

Nothing Mr. Hollinger
says or does

irritates you?

Is that correct, Miss Marie?

[Ann] That's correct.

Mm-hmm.

Mr. Hollinger,
let's hear from you.

What is there about Miss Marie

that rubs you the wrong way?

Uh... Uh, well, uh, uh,

not a thing, Doctor.

Ann rubs me fine,

especially on the
back and shoulders.

[both chuckling]

Well, now I'm sure
at one time or another,

you must have had
a few minor spats.

What are they generally about?

Mr. Hollinger?

Uh...

well, uh,

nothing really of
any consequence.

Not even worth mentioning.

No, that doesn't
bother me at all, Doctor.

Ann, isn't always
ready on time, true.

But then, most women

make a habit of not
being very prompt.

It's one of the little
games they like to play.

And these games, as you put it,

they don't disturb you?

No, no. No, sir, no, no.

I see. Sit down, please.

Miss Marie, Mr. Hollinger,

during the past hour,
I've heard very little,

virtually nothing that disturbs

either one of you
about the other.

Does that mean Donald
and I pass being engaged?

As you both know,

the purpose of
counseling prior to marriage

is to find out if
there are any pitfalls

in the road ahead,
and if there are,

to make the necessary
repairs in advance.

And you just don't
see any pitfalls.

On the contrary,
I do see pitfalls.

And there is no way
whatsoever I can honestly say

that you're ready for marriage.

I'd like to see you both again.

Oh, Donald, what
are we going to do?

Honey, take it easy.

Believe me, we are
ready to get married.

I don't care what he said.

How can you be so
sure? He's the doctor.

And doctors have been known
to make mistakes, all right?

That's it.

We'll see another
marriage counselor.

Another one?

- For a second opinion.
- I see.

And if the second opinion
says we are right for each other?

Then we don't have to
come back and see Dr. Globe.

- Who needs him?
- I disagree.

I think if we're going
to get a second opinion,

we ought to get a third opinion
and play two out of three.

Oh, Donald.

If you don't like the
results of two out of three,

I think we ought to
go for three out of five.

Donald, be serious.

I think I am being very serious

and a lot more mature
than you're being.

Oh, fine. That's just fine.

Oh! Oh, my heel.

Now look what you made me do.

There's a shoemaker
around the corner.

Thank you, sir.

You're a gentlemen.

I'm sorry. I
wasn't trying to be.

It shouldn't take more
than a few minutes.

Thank you.

Well, where were we?

Oh, yes. You were attacking me.

You have an interesting
choice of words

that could put me
away for about 20 years.

Well, you did call me immature.

I meant in not admitting
that you made a...

Okay, we made a terrible mistake

with this whole
marriage counselor thing.

Look what it's doing to us.

Honey, we never used to
talk to each other like this.

Ann, I love you.

I apologize for anything
stupid I said today

or in the past 25 years.

Now please, honey,
let's not get upset.

Oh, Donald, I'm sorry.

I just don't know what's
gotten into me lately.

Please forgive me.

Only if you agree to
the property settlement,

custody of the children,

who gets the shoes?

I'll call Mr. Morse and tell him

we want to see the
apartment again, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay.

[laughs]

What's so funny?

I was just thinking
about Dr. Globe.

I think we really
frustrated him.

I guess we didn't give
him to much to go on.

No. I didn't even tell
him about how you...

About how I what?

Oh, nothing, Donald.
They're such little things.

They're? You mean
there's ore than one thing?

Donald, please. They're
so tiny. Thank you.

Why didn't you mention these
tiny little things in Dr. Globe's office?

Because I was afraid you'd
do what you're doing right now...

Getting upset over nothing.

For instance?

Donald, please.

I have no intention of
discussing your nothings

in a shoe shop.

Ann.

Hey, mac.

Maybe if you
asked her real nice,

she'd whisper those little
nothings in your ear, get it?

- You know what?
- What?

Shut up.

I am not upset.

Let's just say at this
point, I am curious.

Well, you're curiously
upset, I can tell.

Your nostrils are twitching.

Oh? Are my twitching nostrils

one of the things
that bothers you?

- Well, no, not really.
- Oh, swell.

Well, I mean, you
can't really do anything

about twitching nostrils.

That happens when you breathe.

It's not something you can stop,

like your eating habit.

My eating habit?

Oh, Donald, I didn't...

No, no. No, go
ahead. Let's hear it.

Go ahead. You're doing fine.

What about my eating habit?

Well, it's just that when
we go out to dinner,

you have this very weird habit

of eating all your
vegetables before your meat.

- So what?
- It's not a balanced meal.

But that's the way I
like to eat my meals.

Even if it bothers me?

Look at this. Look at this.

I finally find out
after four years

there only two things I
have to stop to please you...

Breathing and eating.

Oh, Donald, we're not
going to start arguing

about this, too, now, are we?

No. No.

And I'm glad

because it's a pretty silly
basis for an argument.

I mean, can you see us
going our separate ways

because of a dumb
thing like your not

blotting your lipstick
before you kiss me?

You called me dumb.

Then he said good-bye,
and he just walked away.

I do that with your
mother every morning,

and she never gets upset.

Come to think of it, she
always seems rather pleased.

We haven't said a word
to each other in two days.

I don't know what
I'd do without Donald.

I mean, even now, I feel
an emptiness inside of me

that just won't go away.

Try eating your cake.

Oh, Daddy, tell me,
is it my fault? Tell me.

All right, on one condition.

I do all the talking.

And no more tears.

You now how you
hate soggy pastry.

I'll try.

First of all, I
want you to know,

I'm exercising the
parent prerogative.

What's the parent prerogative?

The right to give my opinion
without listening to yours.

That's terrible.

No, that's old-fashioned.

Now, do you still want to
hear what I have to say?

Yes.

And no answering back?

You know, it's amazing
that your entire generation

wasn't declared
unconstitutional.

No answering back.

Well, when your mother and I
were courting, we never even...

Oh, I love that
expression... courting.

Go on.

Well, when we were courting,

we never heard of a
marriage counselor.

We never even
read those pamphlets

about marriage, sex...

Daddy, that is the first time

you have ever said the
word "sex" in front of me.

I remember I said it
once when I was 14,

and you yelled at
me not to talk like that.

Well, you're grown up now.

Although, you still
shouldn't say it just like that.

Oh, well, I don't.

If I have to write it,
I write "S blank X."

- When do you write it?
- I was just kidding.

Oh. Well, at any rate,

we never heard of
marriage counselors,

let alone pre-marriage
counselors.

If a married couple
had an argument,

they didn't think
of it as a problem.

They thought if it
as an argument,

and waited for it
to resolve itself.

But why wait

when there are people
that can fix things?

Ann, I'd rather build
a cabinet myself

than have a cabinet
maker build it.

That's what makes a
marriage, sweetheart.

The knowledge of the
two people that it's theirs,

they built it, they
made it work.

Oh, Daddy.

No, there's nothing wrong
with marriage counselors,

but I think you
should fix this yourself.

Frankly, fixing it
it what has kept

your mother and me
so happy all these years.

Oh, Daddy.

As a matter of fact,

your mother's fur coat
and the trip to Bermuda

are two of my better fixes.

Daddy, you're terrific.

You should have been a
marriage counselor yourself.

All right. I've given
you some advice.

- Now you give me some advice.
- Like what?

What am I gonna tell the
Association of Restaurant Owners

who have already
been waiting 15 minutes

for me to deliver my speech?

Just tell them you were
helping your daughter

build a cabinet.

That's quite a story
about the cabinet, isn't it?

Story?

And you think that your fiancée

is the only creative
writer in your life.

Oh, Daddy.

See you later, kitten.

Bye.

[telephone rings]

Hello?

Oh, yes, Miss
Marie. How are you?

I see.

Yes. Yes.

And I'm sure that Donald and I

can work these
things out by ourselves.

Although we really
do want to thank you

for... for whatever.

We really do appreciate it.

And so if it's all
right with you,

we'd uh, we'd like to cancel

our Friday afternoon appointment

without charge,
if you don't mind.

Of course not.

And now that you've
decided to actually admit

that there are things
to be worked out,

I'm sure you'll be able to work
them out most successfully.

You're a delightful couple,

and I know that
you'll be very happy.

Oh, thank you.

And I hope you find a couple
with some really good problem

to take our place that hour.

Well, actually, Miss
Marie, I think I'll just

leave the office early
and spend more time

with my wife and
children this weekend.

Oh, that's nice.

See? That's really nice.

Now I don't feel bad in any way.

How many children do you have?

Eight.

Wow. You must get
a lot of cancellations.

Mr. Hollinger,

so far you've done
an awful lot of looking

and very little talking.

Now, I haven't changed a thing.

It's the same apartment that
I showed you and your wife.

That was my fiancée.
We were engaged.

That is we still are, I think.

Look, Mr. Morse,

can't you come down
a little in the rent?

Come down?

Have you any idea how
much apartments are going for

with views of the park?

Certainly.

But how much are they going
for with the view of a wall?

[laughs] That's marvelous.

I have a comedian
in my presence.

However, Mr. Hollinger,
the rent stays the same.

Now, I'll be in my office.

You drop in when you've
made your decision.

- Yeah, okay.
- Be sure to lock
everything up.

Yes, thank you. Thank you.

I must be some tough arguer

if you're still thinking of
renting us this apartment.

Well, it would take more
than a 5-foot, 108-pound lady

to talk me out of loving
and marrying you.

How did you know I was here?

Well, I, uh, I went
by your office,

and Jerry said you did mention

something about an apartment

just before you threw your
typewriter against the wall.

[both laugh]

I, um, cancelled

our next appointment
with Dr. Globe.

Good.

I hated his name.
Isn't that terrible of me?

No. There's nothing
terrible about you, Donald.

You're perfect.

Oh-ho. That proves it.

- What?
- Opposites attract.

- Donald.
- Honey, forgive me.

I'm just having my silly mood.

You see, I just
found out recently

the girl I love is
in love with me.

I've always loved
you. I never stopped.

I know that.

I said the girl I love
is in love with me.

Donald, that is
really a bad joke.

I mean, it lacks everything.

Creativity, originality,
style, everything.

Of course I could stand it
if you had better nostrils.

Something tells me I
just rented an apartment.

Now, of course, you have
to use your imagination.

A drape here, a rug there,

a couple of pictures on the wall

and this apartment
rally comes to life.

You can consider yourselves...

Oh, this is really
delicious, honey.

- It's very good, dear.
- Thank you.

You ought to put it on your menu

at the restaurant, Mr. Marie.

It's not a bad idea.

We could call it Ann's, uh...

What do you call it, dear?

Well, I just call it what it is.

It's my famous lamb,
chicken, beef veal...

Barley, corn, and pea...

Don't forget the lima beans.

Stew.

Honey, you're really amazing.

Four days of
leftovers in one pot.

We had the barley and
peas Monday night, didn't we?

We had the carrots Monday.

I didn't taste carrots in
here. Did you, Hollinger?

Mr. Marie, you, of all
people, should know

that carrots don't go
with lamb, chicken,

beef, veal, barley, corn, pea,

lima bean stew.

But then, of course,

yours isn't a
gourmet restaurant.

You really are
boring, Hollinger.

Daddy, may I ask you a question?

Certainly, dear.

When Donald and I get married,

are you going to call
me Hollinger, too?

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

♪ Diamonds,
daisies, snowflakes ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Chestnuts,
rainbows, springtime ♪

♪ Is that Girl ♪

♪ She's mine alone,
but luckily for you ♪

♪ If you find a girl to love ♪

♪ Only one girl to love ♪

♪ Then she'll be
That Girl, too ♪

That Girl!