That Girl (1966–1971): Season 4, Episode 25 - Easy Faller - full transcript
Besides spending time with Donald, non-skier Ann is not looking forward to their ski weekend to Stowe. Even if Ann doesn't end up skiing, she's afraid Donald will be attracted to every ski bunny on the hills. Donald tries to convince Ann that it is now virtually impossible to twist one's ankles while falling on skis. In demonstrating such in Ann's apartment, Donald doesn't sprain his ankles but rather sprains his back. His painful injury requires as little movement as possible and complete bed rest, which doesn't sit well with Donald if only because he has what may be his most important interview of the year in a few hour's time with Renaissance man Jean Paul Lemairre, who has granted an exclusive to Donald and who will only be in town until the end of the day. But if Mohammed can't make it to the mountain, is Ann's idea of bringing the mountain to Mohammed such a crazy idea?
Gloria's Answering
Service. Hold on, please.
Sorry to keep you
waiting. May I help you?
Hi, Gloria. It's Ann.
Any messages?
Donald called to
remind you to remind me
that you're going
away for the weekend.
Right. But listen, don't tell
that to anybody who calls
'cause that's how
robberies happen.
You're right. And leave a light on in
the kitchen all the time you're gone.
That's a good idea.
And it wouldn't be so terrible
if you left the
television on either.
How about if I just
leave a policeman
in the middle of my living room?
Oh, sure, laugh, but
you can't be too safe.
Where are you going?
We're going up
to Stowe, Vermont.
Oh, Stowe! I love it!
Thank goodness there's no
snow up there this weekend.
If you don't like skiing,
why are you going?
Because Donald loves it.
We've been planning
this weekend for months,
but I have been petrified
that it was gonna snow.
I'm scared to death of skiing.
Well, even if it snows,
you wouldn't have to ski.
Are you kidding?
And leave Donald all alone on
those slopes all day with Heidi?
Who's Heidi?
Heidi, Joanna, Pat,
anyone on those beautiful,
blonde snow bunnies
that would be just thrilled to
have me back at the lodge,
and they can have
Donald all by himself.
I know what you mean,
Ann. I know a girl just like that.
Who is it?
It's me! Come in.
Everyone knows a girl like that.
And I'll just bet she's
waiting for us up at Stowe.
I rented these for you. It
started to snow up at Stowe.
Isn't that terrific?
Fine, for you and that girl.
♪♪
All right, honey, I want you
to tell me how these feel,
whether they're
comfortable or not.
I had to guess at the boot
size. Oh, they're perfect.
Now take them off before I fall.
Come on now, stand up.
Donald, I don't want to ski.
You do want to ski. You
don't want to get hurt.
That's it. That's exactly
the way I feel about it.
So... de-ski me.
Come on, get up.
I want you to see how
firm and secure you'll feel.
Help me up.
See?
Are you uncomfortable? Uh-uh.
Feel secure, right?
Yeah, I do, Donald.
I really do, totally.
So why don't we just spend
the weekend here on skis?
And next year, if we
like it, we'll come back.
Take 'em off.
Honey, look, I gotta
get back to the office
and finish my
research on Lemairre.
I interview him in
an hour and half,
and I've gotta know
what I'm talking about.
Jean Paul Lemairre.
If he was coming skiing
with us, I wouldn't be afraid.
That's a kind of remark that could
make the average man jealous.
That's why the
average girl says it.
That's why I'm jealous.
That's why I said it.
Honey, as soon as
I finish the interview,
I'll dictate my notes to Elaine
then I'll come back
and get you, all right?
Okay.
Why can't I just go up
and down on the ski lift
and just watch you?
Honey, you can do
anything you wanna do.
The best thing for you to do would be
to take some lessons from the instructor.
I'm just afraid
I'll break my leg...
then I wouldn't look so
gorgeous in these beautiful shoes.
Donald, you know what I mean,
how the skis run into
each other and then twist.
That's almost impossible now.
Skis are made to
come off when you fall.
Here, wait a minute.
Let me show you.
What are you gonna do?
Hopefully put your mind at ease
so that you can
have a good time.
Everybody has such
an exaggerated idea
about getting hurt from skiing.
Do you know that
there are more accidents
each year from sky diving
than there are from skiing?
Oh, marvelous.
That's a relaxing
piece of information.
Couldn't you have said
"bathtub" like everyone else?
The truth is there are more accidents
in the bathtub each year than there are...
Too late, Donald. Too late.
Now watch.
I'm going to intentionally fall,
and I want you to keep your
eyes on my ankles and my feet.
Donald, I don't
want you to do that.
I believe you.
You don't believe me.
You wanna believe
me, but in all honesty,
you really don't believe me.
Now watch. Watch.
You'll see that if my
ankles get twisted...
Ohh.
If my feet get twisted,
they'll automatically come
out of the skis, all right?
Donald... Honey, watch!
Okay? All right. Here.
See, they get twisted and...
Donald. Look at my feet,
quick! Look at my feet!
I see them.
You see they're out of the skis?
No harm? No broken ankles?
Yes, I see that.
Everything's all right
there? Are you convinced?
Yes! Yes!
Good. Then you can
stop looking at my feet
and take a look at my back
'cause I think it's broken.
Donald! Aah!
Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Uhh! Does it hurt?
I'd rather have a spear
in my left eye right now.
Can you move, Donald? No.
Don't move!
You studied nursing.
What can I do for you?
Nothing, honey, nothing.
Just give me a second to...
To catch my breath and...
Has this happened before? Yeah.
Well, what was it?
A sprain. Oh, thank goodness!
For what?
That it isn't a break.
Oh. Uh... right. Good.
Oh, Donald, are you in
pain when you don't move?
Not much...
but I feel very little
satisfaction in that
since I really don't want to
lie here for the rest of my life.
You want some tea?
Tea?
Well, I just wanna help, Donald.
I just feel so helpless.
Okay, honey,
okay. Listen, honey,
bring over the coffee table,
and I'll see if I can lift
myself up slowly on that.
Okay. Okay.
Boy, I'm gonna
do some exercises.
What? Exercises.
I should be able to lift you.
I mean, I could be
stronger if I did exercises.
Every person should be
able to lift the person she loves
just in case of
things like this.
Ann, do me a favor.
Don't do any exercises.
I really couldn't love a girl
that could lift 175 pounds.
I couldn't even kiss a girl
that could lift 175 pounds.
Mainly because... I
can't lift 175... Ow!
Donald! Now don't panic!
For heaven's sake! I
don't want you to panic!
Honey... I'm right here!
Don't worry! I can
take care of everything!
Honey... I'm gonna
call the doctor!
The phone's right here.
Yes, it is. Of course.
What's his name?
Who am I calling?
Doctor Goldfisher. I
don't know his number.
I'll call information.
Hello. I'd like the phone number,
please, of a Dr. Goldfisher.
Oh. What's his initials?
Jerry.
Jerry. J. Jerry.
Dr. Jerry Goldfisher.
It's in Manhattan.
What's his...
What's his address?
48th and Lexington.
48th and Lexington
and tell him to hurry!
All right. Okay, honey.
Just get me to
the bed. All right.
Okay. Okay, Donald.
Just... Careful now.
Okay.
Now what?
Now I've got to figure
out a way to lie down.
Yeah. Well, let me help you.
Honey, don't touch!
Okay. I think... if I go...
Be careful, Donald. It hurts.
Thank you.
Aah! Aah!
I think what I'm
gonna have to do
is fall back... or forward.
Are you sure that's
the best thing?
Well, we know I can't bend,
so I'm gonna
have to fall, honey.
Honey, just stand back.
Step back for a
minute. Just watch out.
What's the matter?
Well, I don't know whether I
should fall face up or face down.
I may have to be in
that position for a while,
and it's important
which way I fall.
Yeah.
Although if you fall face down,
you'll be able to see
where and how you fall.
That's a good point.
But if I fall face up,
I'll be able to see
more once I've fallen.
That's true. Although
if you fall face down,
you won't have all
the light in your eyes,
you know, all the
time you're awake.
Yeah, possibly, possibly.
Although face up... Ow!
Oh, Donald! Ow! Ow! Honey!
Oh, Donald!
That's it. I'll fall face up.
Oh, where's the doctor?
He'll be here, honey,
and he's gotta do something
about this to get me up and around
because I gotta get
back to the office.
Well, we'll wait to see what
the doctor says about that.
What can I do for you, Donald?
Honey... Ow!
Oh, honey!
Oh, Dr. Goldfisher, come in!
I'm Ann Marie.
How do you do? How's Don?
He's not too good.
I helped him to the bed,
but it hurts him
when I bounce on it.
Well, then don't
bounce on it, Miss Marie.
Oh, I've stopped. Good.
How did it happen?
Well, he fell off his skis.
And you got him all
the way back here?
No, no, he was here when
he fell off his skis... I mean.
You see, he was trying to show
me how you can't hurt yourself
from falling off of skis.
And he was right.
He was right, but he's
lying in bed in pain?
He was right about the ankles.
He was wrong about the back.
He evidentially
had his back fooled.
Evidently.
May I see him now?
Oh, yes, Doctor, right this way.
Right in here.
Hello, Don!
Hi, Dr. Goldfisher.
Don't get up.
Doctor, is there
anything I can get for you?
Boil some water. Right away.
Boil some water?
I'll have a cup of tea.
I've always wanted to say that.
All right, let's have
a look at you, Don.
Uh-huh. All right,
let's turn over.
Doctor, perhaps you think you're
talking to a well human being.
Now, Don, I've got
to feel your back.
I've got to make sure the
injury is where I think it is.
Now you knew that.
You should have fallen
on the bed face down.
Oh, of course. We didn't think.
Honey, may I please
have a little privacy?
Oh. Yes, Donald. I'm sorry.
Get this for him.
It will kill the pain.
Now you try not to move.
And I'll stop by here
again in the morning.
In the morning? In the morning?
In the morning. You can't move.
So just resign yourself to the fact
that you're gonna sleep here tonight.
I'll see myself out, Miss Marie.
Yes, certainly, Doctor.
It is Miss, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
All right, Donald, you have
to take one of these pills now.
Ann, honey, give me
the water and the pill
and wait outside.
Why?
Ann, there are millions
of people in the world,
and they all have
hundreds of funny things.
My funny thing happens to be that I
am not one of your great pill takers.
All my life, I have
been a bad pill taker.
When all the other
kids were taking their
headache and
cold pills in a gulp,
I was still mashing
mine up in a spoon
and dissolving it
in my orange juice.
Now I have since
learned how to take a pill,
but it's not something
that I am very proud of.
So if you will please excuse me.
I'm sorry I forced you
into telling me something
you probably didn't
want to tell me.
That's all right,
honey. Thank you.
Will you just excuse me?
Ann?
Yes, Donald?
Would you please pour
me some more water?
Sure. Thank you.
There you are. Thank you.
Good luck. Ann.
I meant with your back.
Aah!
Are you all right?
I... I am.
When I shouted in pain,
I... I swallowed the pill,
which shows you how lucky I am.
Lucky?
Yeah, well, if I didn't
have all this pain,
I never would have been
able to swallow the painkiller.
Oh, Donald. You're terrific.
Honey, will you do
something for me?
Anything, Donald.
Hand me my clothes.
What for?
For getting dressed
in. I'm going, honey.
Donald, you are
not going anywhere.
The doctor said
you are not to move,
and you are not moving.
The doctor wouldn't
have said that
if he knew I wouldn't get
that interview with Lemairre.
I'd be fired, and he
wouldn't get his check.
Will you be realistic?
Mr. Adams isn't gonna fire
you for having a sprained back.
Maybe not, but today is
Lemairre's last day in town,
and I'm the only one he's
granted an interview to,
and I'm gonna get it.
Why? Why can't you ask Jerry
to do the interview for you?
Honey, Lemairre
is one of a kind.
He's an Olympic
champion, an actor,
a world figure, a ladies
man, a man's man.
He's special.
And I'm a writer, and I'm
gonna get that interview.
So will you please
hand me my pants?
Which certainly is a silly
way to end that little speech.
All right, all right.
But I just don't see why you
can't call Lemairre and tell him.
He'll certainly understand.
Oh, honey, you just don't
call up people like that
and tell them to forget it.
Okay. Here. Aah!
Oh, Donald, this is ridiculous!
How could you even
consider leaving here?
Ann, honey...
All right. All right.
But I'm just gonna
say one thing,
and I'm entitled
to say one thing
since you are spreading your
pain germs all over my apartment.
Those pills you're taking,
aside from being painkillers,
the druggist told me
they can make you sleep.
So?
So why don't you just try
and take a nap, Donald,
and see if they work?
And then when you wake
up, possible you'll feel better.
Now doesn't that
make a lot of sense?
All right. That
makes a lot of sense.
And you know what? What?
I'm a rotten patient, and
you're a perfect nurse.
And if I didn't have such a
good reason to be healthy today,
it would be a
pleasure to be sick.
You know what? What?
Ow! Oh!
Donald, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
It's okay, honey. It's okay.
Please don't feel bad
about the screaming.
When I scream, that's all
the time the pain lasts for,
just the length of the scream.
Then cut the scream in half.
Good night, honey.
Don't touch the bed.
Hello. Donald
Hollinger's office, please.
Hello. Elaine? Hi, it's Ann.
Yeah. Listen, Donald
won't be in this afternoon.
Uh-huh. I know.
Well, that's why I'm calling.
I need to have
Lemairre's phone number.
Oh, great. Yeah, wait a minute.
Uh-huh. Yeah. Good. I've got it.
Well... Yeah, well, he hurt
his back, and he's just resting.
He took a little pill, and he's
gonna rest for a little while.
So don't call unless it's
really an emergency, okay?
All right. Thanks. Bye.
Jean Paul Lemairre, please.
I think it's 1624, room 1624.
Fine. Thank you.
Hello?
Hello. Mr. Lemairre?
Jean Paul.
Oh, yes. Jean Paul.
Um, my name is Ann Marie.
Oui?
I just would like to
explain something to you.
You see, it's about
this friend of mine
in my bed with his back.
Yes, honey.
Aah! Donald!
You're up.
Oh, boy!
Are you feeling any better?
Remind me when I'm better, Ann,
which may be any minute
after the next 12 years,
to do an exposé
on those... pain pills.
Oh, for heaven sakes.
You've only taken one pill.
They're 24 pills in that bottle.
When you've taken the other 23,
then we'll see how you feel.
You're kidding. No, I'm not.
Ann, what are the
instructions on that little bottle?
Uh, it says, "One
four times a day."
Right. One four times a day,
which means I'd
use up four a day.
That's right. You got it.
You want some tea?
No, I don't want any tea.
All right. If I use
up four a day,
and there are 24
pills in that bottle,
how many days is that?
Four pills, four a
day, is... four times...
No, no, no, no, no.
It's a "divided
by," right? Right.
Four divided by...
No, no, no, no, no.
24 divided by 4 is 6.
Good.
That means there are enough
pills left in there for six days.
And you're suggesting that
I stay in this bed for six days
and then see how I feel?
Well... five days?
No, no days!
Possibly two more
hours, which... Aah!
Which is probably
how long it will take me
to get up and get dressed.
Donald, if I can convince you
that there's absolutely no reason
for you to get up and get dressed,
will you lie there and be quiet and
not move as the doctor told you?
Ann, I have told you, I have
to get up and get dressed,
and I have to go and
interview Lemairre.
Now please, my pants.
All right, all right, I'll
get you your pants.
Here they are.
Here are your pants.
Just go ahead and
interview Lemairre...
which will be totally impossible
unless you meet him coming
down the stairs as he's coming up.
You called him?
Yes, I did.
I told him all about your back,
Donald, and he was so nice about it.
He was totally sympathetic.
He had the same
thing before, too,
and he'll be here
in half an hour.
Ann!
What?
You're marvelous
and wonderful...
and I love you.
Is that all?
What do you mean, is that all?
Well, I mean, whatever
happened to gorgeous?
Well, I don't know
about gorgeous.
Well, maybe I'll just bounce
up and down on the bed awhile
and then we'll discuss gorgeous.
No, no, no, no!
Definite gorgeous.
I knew you'd see it my way.
That was some half hour.
Listen, why don't you go and
fix up some of your famous tea,
and I'll get up and get dressed
and try and walk out
into the living room
and collapse in
the chair... face up?
Hello, sweetheart.
Oh, Daddy! What a surprise!
May I come in?
Oh! Certainly! Come in!
What are you doing in town?
Restaurant Association
luncheon. Ah!
I'll be right there as soon as I
figure out how to get out of this bed.
That's, uh, Donald, Daddy.
Oh, that's fine, as long as
you have that explanation.
Make yourself comfortable, sir.
I'm up to my pants.
Ann!
Daddy, I know this doesn't
make much sense to you
because you don't know what's
been going on here all day.
I certainly don't!
And I must say
that your attitude
totally amazes me!
Ann told me you've been in the
same situation yourself before.
Donald doesn't
know it's you, Daddy.
Obviously!
Uh, Daddy, listen,
now don't get all upset.
I'm so glad you're here
because you can help us out.
Now let me just
explain everything.
This is very nice
of you, Mr. Marie.
Don't thank me, Hollinger.
I just want you to know I'm not
gonna help you back in there.
Yes, sir, I understand.
Aah!
I have a feeling you
did that on purpose
to make sure my
back really hurts.
That's not true, Hollinger,
though I may never forgive
myself for not thinking of it.
There you are, Daddy.
Thank you, dear.
Jean Paul.
Oh, it's so nice
meeting you, Jean Paul.
Merci, mademoiselle.
J'espère à bientôt.
Au revoir, Mr. Marie.
So long. Good-bye.
I'll call you as soon as I get
home, dear. All right, Daddy.
Good-bye, Hollinger.
Good-bye, Mr. Marie.
I hope your back is
better. Thank you, sir.
Within a half hour!
Bye, Daddy. Bye, dear.
You know, if I'm smart,
I'll write two articles:
The interview with Lemairre
and the story of this day.
Oh, Donald, I thought
Lemairre was really charming.
Yeah, he was.
Was it a good interview?
Oh, honey, it was great.
Did you get it all down?
Oh, sure, I got it all down.
Are you sure? He
talked awful fast.
I'll have you know I was fourth in
my high school shorthand class.
How many people
were in the class? Four.
Very funny. 37.
That's good.
You want to hear it? I sure do.
"Don: When did you realize
you loved acting, Jean Paul?
"Jean Paul:"
"Well, Donald..."
I love the way he said that.
"Donald."
"Well, Donald, I never
really loved acting.
"I save love for things
that ought to be loved,
"such as beautiful
girls like Ann.
However..."
You wrote that down?
That was the best part.
Can I tell you something?
You've used my pillow.
You can tell me anything.
You're about the best
girl-person in the world.
What about the best
person altogether?
Oh, well, there are
a lot of great men.
There's the infield of the Mets,
the backfield of the Jets.
But when it comes to
womanness, you're the tops.
I accept that.
Ow!
Oh, Donald!
Although you still have a
lot to learn about bouncing.
How does it feel?
Oh, much better, honey.
Those pills really helped.
Oh, good.
Do you really think you're
up to taking the stairs, Donald?
Yeah, honey. I'll go
down one at a time
and I'll get home. Okay.
I'm sure I'm gonna feel
much better in the morning.
Let me help you. Okay.
Ow!
Oh, Donald! Let go! Let go!
Oh, Donald!
Oh, Ann!
Oh!
♪♪
Service. Hold on, please.
Sorry to keep you
waiting. May I help you?
Hi, Gloria. It's Ann.
Any messages?
Donald called to
remind you to remind me
that you're going
away for the weekend.
Right. But listen, don't tell
that to anybody who calls
'cause that's how
robberies happen.
You're right. And leave a light on in
the kitchen all the time you're gone.
That's a good idea.
And it wouldn't be so terrible
if you left the
television on either.
How about if I just
leave a policeman
in the middle of my living room?
Oh, sure, laugh, but
you can't be too safe.
Where are you going?
We're going up
to Stowe, Vermont.
Oh, Stowe! I love it!
Thank goodness there's no
snow up there this weekend.
If you don't like skiing,
why are you going?
Because Donald loves it.
We've been planning
this weekend for months,
but I have been petrified
that it was gonna snow.
I'm scared to death of skiing.
Well, even if it snows,
you wouldn't have to ski.
Are you kidding?
And leave Donald all alone on
those slopes all day with Heidi?
Who's Heidi?
Heidi, Joanna, Pat,
anyone on those beautiful,
blonde snow bunnies
that would be just thrilled to
have me back at the lodge,
and they can have
Donald all by himself.
I know what you mean,
Ann. I know a girl just like that.
Who is it?
It's me! Come in.
Everyone knows a girl like that.
And I'll just bet she's
waiting for us up at Stowe.
I rented these for you. It
started to snow up at Stowe.
Isn't that terrific?
Fine, for you and that girl.
♪♪
All right, honey, I want you
to tell me how these feel,
whether they're
comfortable or not.
I had to guess at the boot
size. Oh, they're perfect.
Now take them off before I fall.
Come on now, stand up.
Donald, I don't want to ski.
You do want to ski. You
don't want to get hurt.
That's it. That's exactly
the way I feel about it.
So... de-ski me.
Come on, get up.
I want you to see how
firm and secure you'll feel.
Help me up.
See?
Are you uncomfortable? Uh-uh.
Feel secure, right?
Yeah, I do, Donald.
I really do, totally.
So why don't we just spend
the weekend here on skis?
And next year, if we
like it, we'll come back.
Take 'em off.
Honey, look, I gotta
get back to the office
and finish my
research on Lemairre.
I interview him in
an hour and half,
and I've gotta know
what I'm talking about.
Jean Paul Lemairre.
If he was coming skiing
with us, I wouldn't be afraid.
That's a kind of remark that could
make the average man jealous.
That's why the
average girl says it.
That's why I'm jealous.
That's why I said it.
Honey, as soon as
I finish the interview,
I'll dictate my notes to Elaine
then I'll come back
and get you, all right?
Okay.
Why can't I just go up
and down on the ski lift
and just watch you?
Honey, you can do
anything you wanna do.
The best thing for you to do would be
to take some lessons from the instructor.
I'm just afraid
I'll break my leg...
then I wouldn't look so
gorgeous in these beautiful shoes.
Donald, you know what I mean,
how the skis run into
each other and then twist.
That's almost impossible now.
Skis are made to
come off when you fall.
Here, wait a minute.
Let me show you.
What are you gonna do?
Hopefully put your mind at ease
so that you can
have a good time.
Everybody has such
an exaggerated idea
about getting hurt from skiing.
Do you know that
there are more accidents
each year from sky diving
than there are from skiing?
Oh, marvelous.
That's a relaxing
piece of information.
Couldn't you have said
"bathtub" like everyone else?
The truth is there are more accidents
in the bathtub each year than there are...
Too late, Donald. Too late.
Now watch.
I'm going to intentionally fall,
and I want you to keep your
eyes on my ankles and my feet.
Donald, I don't
want you to do that.
I believe you.
You don't believe me.
You wanna believe
me, but in all honesty,
you really don't believe me.
Now watch. Watch.
You'll see that if my
ankles get twisted...
Ohh.
If my feet get twisted,
they'll automatically come
out of the skis, all right?
Donald... Honey, watch!
Okay? All right. Here.
See, they get twisted and...
Donald. Look at my feet,
quick! Look at my feet!
I see them.
You see they're out of the skis?
No harm? No broken ankles?
Yes, I see that.
Everything's all right
there? Are you convinced?
Yes! Yes!
Good. Then you can
stop looking at my feet
and take a look at my back
'cause I think it's broken.
Donald! Aah!
Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Uhh! Does it hurt?
I'd rather have a spear
in my left eye right now.
Can you move, Donald? No.
Don't move!
You studied nursing.
What can I do for you?
Nothing, honey, nothing.
Just give me a second to...
To catch my breath and...
Has this happened before? Yeah.
Well, what was it?
A sprain. Oh, thank goodness!
For what?
That it isn't a break.
Oh. Uh... right. Good.
Oh, Donald, are you in
pain when you don't move?
Not much...
but I feel very little
satisfaction in that
since I really don't want to
lie here for the rest of my life.
You want some tea?
Tea?
Well, I just wanna help, Donald.
I just feel so helpless.
Okay, honey,
okay. Listen, honey,
bring over the coffee table,
and I'll see if I can lift
myself up slowly on that.
Okay. Okay.
Boy, I'm gonna
do some exercises.
What? Exercises.
I should be able to lift you.
I mean, I could be
stronger if I did exercises.
Every person should be
able to lift the person she loves
just in case of
things like this.
Ann, do me a favor.
Don't do any exercises.
I really couldn't love a girl
that could lift 175 pounds.
I couldn't even kiss a girl
that could lift 175 pounds.
Mainly because... I
can't lift 175... Ow!
Donald! Now don't panic!
For heaven's sake! I
don't want you to panic!
Honey... I'm right here!
Don't worry! I can
take care of everything!
Honey... I'm gonna
call the doctor!
The phone's right here.
Yes, it is. Of course.
What's his name?
Who am I calling?
Doctor Goldfisher. I
don't know his number.
I'll call information.
Hello. I'd like the phone number,
please, of a Dr. Goldfisher.
Oh. What's his initials?
Jerry.
Jerry. J. Jerry.
Dr. Jerry Goldfisher.
It's in Manhattan.
What's his...
What's his address?
48th and Lexington.
48th and Lexington
and tell him to hurry!
All right. Okay, honey.
Just get me to
the bed. All right.
Okay. Okay, Donald.
Just... Careful now.
Okay.
Now what?
Now I've got to figure
out a way to lie down.
Yeah. Well, let me help you.
Honey, don't touch!
Okay. I think... if I go...
Be careful, Donald. It hurts.
Thank you.
Aah! Aah!
I think what I'm
gonna have to do
is fall back... or forward.
Are you sure that's
the best thing?
Well, we know I can't bend,
so I'm gonna
have to fall, honey.
Honey, just stand back.
Step back for a
minute. Just watch out.
What's the matter?
Well, I don't know whether I
should fall face up or face down.
I may have to be in
that position for a while,
and it's important
which way I fall.
Yeah.
Although if you fall face down,
you'll be able to see
where and how you fall.
That's a good point.
But if I fall face up,
I'll be able to see
more once I've fallen.
That's true. Although
if you fall face down,
you won't have all
the light in your eyes,
you know, all the
time you're awake.
Yeah, possibly, possibly.
Although face up... Ow!
Oh, Donald! Ow! Ow! Honey!
Oh, Donald!
That's it. I'll fall face up.
Oh, where's the doctor?
He'll be here, honey,
and he's gotta do something
about this to get me up and around
because I gotta get
back to the office.
Well, we'll wait to see what
the doctor says about that.
What can I do for you, Donald?
Honey... Ow!
Oh, honey!
Oh, Dr. Goldfisher, come in!
I'm Ann Marie.
How do you do? How's Don?
He's not too good.
I helped him to the bed,
but it hurts him
when I bounce on it.
Well, then don't
bounce on it, Miss Marie.
Oh, I've stopped. Good.
How did it happen?
Well, he fell off his skis.
And you got him all
the way back here?
No, no, he was here when
he fell off his skis... I mean.
You see, he was trying to show
me how you can't hurt yourself
from falling off of skis.
And he was right.
He was right, but he's
lying in bed in pain?
He was right about the ankles.
He was wrong about the back.
He evidentially
had his back fooled.
Evidently.
May I see him now?
Oh, yes, Doctor, right this way.
Right in here.
Hello, Don!
Hi, Dr. Goldfisher.
Don't get up.
Doctor, is there
anything I can get for you?
Boil some water. Right away.
Boil some water?
I'll have a cup of tea.
I've always wanted to say that.
All right, let's have
a look at you, Don.
Uh-huh. All right,
let's turn over.
Doctor, perhaps you think you're
talking to a well human being.
Now, Don, I've got
to feel your back.
I've got to make sure the
injury is where I think it is.
Now you knew that.
You should have fallen
on the bed face down.
Oh, of course. We didn't think.
Honey, may I please
have a little privacy?
Oh. Yes, Donald. I'm sorry.
Get this for him.
It will kill the pain.
Now you try not to move.
And I'll stop by here
again in the morning.
In the morning? In the morning?
In the morning. You can't move.
So just resign yourself to the fact
that you're gonna sleep here tonight.
I'll see myself out, Miss Marie.
Yes, certainly, Doctor.
It is Miss, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
All right, Donald, you have
to take one of these pills now.
Ann, honey, give me
the water and the pill
and wait outside.
Why?
Ann, there are millions
of people in the world,
and they all have
hundreds of funny things.
My funny thing happens to be that I
am not one of your great pill takers.
All my life, I have
been a bad pill taker.
When all the other
kids were taking their
headache and
cold pills in a gulp,
I was still mashing
mine up in a spoon
and dissolving it
in my orange juice.
Now I have since
learned how to take a pill,
but it's not something
that I am very proud of.
So if you will please excuse me.
I'm sorry I forced you
into telling me something
you probably didn't
want to tell me.
That's all right,
honey. Thank you.
Will you just excuse me?
Ann?
Yes, Donald?
Would you please pour
me some more water?
Sure. Thank you.
There you are. Thank you.
Good luck. Ann.
I meant with your back.
Aah!
Are you all right?
I... I am.
When I shouted in pain,
I... I swallowed the pill,
which shows you how lucky I am.
Lucky?
Yeah, well, if I didn't
have all this pain,
I never would have been
able to swallow the painkiller.
Oh, Donald. You're terrific.
Honey, will you do
something for me?
Anything, Donald.
Hand me my clothes.
What for?
For getting dressed
in. I'm going, honey.
Donald, you are
not going anywhere.
The doctor said
you are not to move,
and you are not moving.
The doctor wouldn't
have said that
if he knew I wouldn't get
that interview with Lemairre.
I'd be fired, and he
wouldn't get his check.
Will you be realistic?
Mr. Adams isn't gonna fire
you for having a sprained back.
Maybe not, but today is
Lemairre's last day in town,
and I'm the only one he's
granted an interview to,
and I'm gonna get it.
Why? Why can't you ask Jerry
to do the interview for you?
Honey, Lemairre
is one of a kind.
He's an Olympic
champion, an actor,
a world figure, a ladies
man, a man's man.
He's special.
And I'm a writer, and I'm
gonna get that interview.
So will you please
hand me my pants?
Which certainly is a silly
way to end that little speech.
All right, all right.
But I just don't see why you
can't call Lemairre and tell him.
He'll certainly understand.
Oh, honey, you just don't
call up people like that
and tell them to forget it.
Okay. Here. Aah!
Oh, Donald, this is ridiculous!
How could you even
consider leaving here?
Ann, honey...
All right. All right.
But I'm just gonna
say one thing,
and I'm entitled
to say one thing
since you are spreading your
pain germs all over my apartment.
Those pills you're taking,
aside from being painkillers,
the druggist told me
they can make you sleep.
So?
So why don't you just try
and take a nap, Donald,
and see if they work?
And then when you wake
up, possible you'll feel better.
Now doesn't that
make a lot of sense?
All right. That
makes a lot of sense.
And you know what? What?
I'm a rotten patient, and
you're a perfect nurse.
And if I didn't have such a
good reason to be healthy today,
it would be a
pleasure to be sick.
You know what? What?
Ow! Oh!
Donald, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
It's okay, honey. It's okay.
Please don't feel bad
about the screaming.
When I scream, that's all
the time the pain lasts for,
just the length of the scream.
Then cut the scream in half.
Good night, honey.
Don't touch the bed.
Hello. Donald
Hollinger's office, please.
Hello. Elaine? Hi, it's Ann.
Yeah. Listen, Donald
won't be in this afternoon.
Uh-huh. I know.
Well, that's why I'm calling.
I need to have
Lemairre's phone number.
Oh, great. Yeah, wait a minute.
Uh-huh. Yeah. Good. I've got it.
Well... Yeah, well, he hurt
his back, and he's just resting.
He took a little pill, and he's
gonna rest for a little while.
So don't call unless it's
really an emergency, okay?
All right. Thanks. Bye.
Jean Paul Lemairre, please.
I think it's 1624, room 1624.
Fine. Thank you.
Hello?
Hello. Mr. Lemairre?
Jean Paul.
Oh, yes. Jean Paul.
Um, my name is Ann Marie.
Oui?
I just would like to
explain something to you.
You see, it's about
this friend of mine
in my bed with his back.
Yes, honey.
Aah! Donald!
You're up.
Oh, boy!
Are you feeling any better?
Remind me when I'm better, Ann,
which may be any minute
after the next 12 years,
to do an exposé
on those... pain pills.
Oh, for heaven sakes.
You've only taken one pill.
They're 24 pills in that bottle.
When you've taken the other 23,
then we'll see how you feel.
You're kidding. No, I'm not.
Ann, what are the
instructions on that little bottle?
Uh, it says, "One
four times a day."
Right. One four times a day,
which means I'd
use up four a day.
That's right. You got it.
You want some tea?
No, I don't want any tea.
All right. If I use
up four a day,
and there are 24
pills in that bottle,
how many days is that?
Four pills, four a
day, is... four times...
No, no, no, no, no.
It's a "divided
by," right? Right.
Four divided by...
No, no, no, no, no.
24 divided by 4 is 6.
Good.
That means there are enough
pills left in there for six days.
And you're suggesting that
I stay in this bed for six days
and then see how I feel?
Well... five days?
No, no days!
Possibly two more
hours, which... Aah!
Which is probably
how long it will take me
to get up and get dressed.
Donald, if I can convince you
that there's absolutely no reason
for you to get up and get dressed,
will you lie there and be quiet and
not move as the doctor told you?
Ann, I have told you, I have
to get up and get dressed,
and I have to go and
interview Lemairre.
Now please, my pants.
All right, all right, I'll
get you your pants.
Here they are.
Here are your pants.
Just go ahead and
interview Lemairre...
which will be totally impossible
unless you meet him coming
down the stairs as he's coming up.
You called him?
Yes, I did.
I told him all about your back,
Donald, and he was so nice about it.
He was totally sympathetic.
He had the same
thing before, too,
and he'll be here
in half an hour.
Ann!
What?
You're marvelous
and wonderful...
and I love you.
Is that all?
What do you mean, is that all?
Well, I mean, whatever
happened to gorgeous?
Well, I don't know
about gorgeous.
Well, maybe I'll just bounce
up and down on the bed awhile
and then we'll discuss gorgeous.
No, no, no, no!
Definite gorgeous.
I knew you'd see it my way.
That was some half hour.
Listen, why don't you go and
fix up some of your famous tea,
and I'll get up and get dressed
and try and walk out
into the living room
and collapse in
the chair... face up?
Hello, sweetheart.
Oh, Daddy! What a surprise!
May I come in?
Oh! Certainly! Come in!
What are you doing in town?
Restaurant Association
luncheon. Ah!
I'll be right there as soon as I
figure out how to get out of this bed.
That's, uh, Donald, Daddy.
Oh, that's fine, as long as
you have that explanation.
Make yourself comfortable, sir.
I'm up to my pants.
Ann!
Daddy, I know this doesn't
make much sense to you
because you don't know what's
been going on here all day.
I certainly don't!
And I must say
that your attitude
totally amazes me!
Ann told me you've been in the
same situation yourself before.
Donald doesn't
know it's you, Daddy.
Obviously!
Uh, Daddy, listen,
now don't get all upset.
I'm so glad you're here
because you can help us out.
Now let me just
explain everything.
This is very nice
of you, Mr. Marie.
Don't thank me, Hollinger.
I just want you to know I'm not
gonna help you back in there.
Yes, sir, I understand.
Aah!
I have a feeling you
did that on purpose
to make sure my
back really hurts.
That's not true, Hollinger,
though I may never forgive
myself for not thinking of it.
There you are, Daddy.
Thank you, dear.
Jean Paul.
Oh, it's so nice
meeting you, Jean Paul.
Merci, mademoiselle.
J'espère à bientôt.
Au revoir, Mr. Marie.
So long. Good-bye.
I'll call you as soon as I get
home, dear. All right, Daddy.
Good-bye, Hollinger.
Good-bye, Mr. Marie.
I hope your back is
better. Thank you, sir.
Within a half hour!
Bye, Daddy. Bye, dear.
You know, if I'm smart,
I'll write two articles:
The interview with Lemairre
and the story of this day.
Oh, Donald, I thought
Lemairre was really charming.
Yeah, he was.
Was it a good interview?
Oh, honey, it was great.
Did you get it all down?
Oh, sure, I got it all down.
Are you sure? He
talked awful fast.
I'll have you know I was fourth in
my high school shorthand class.
How many people
were in the class? Four.
Very funny. 37.
That's good.
You want to hear it? I sure do.
"Don: When did you realize
you loved acting, Jean Paul?
"Jean Paul:"
"Well, Donald..."
I love the way he said that.
"Donald."
"Well, Donald, I never
really loved acting.
"I save love for things
that ought to be loved,
"such as beautiful
girls like Ann.
However..."
You wrote that down?
That was the best part.
Can I tell you something?
You've used my pillow.
You can tell me anything.
You're about the best
girl-person in the world.
What about the best
person altogether?
Oh, well, there are
a lot of great men.
There's the infield of the Mets,
the backfield of the Jets.
But when it comes to
womanness, you're the tops.
I accept that.
Ow!
Oh, Donald!
Although you still have a
lot to learn about bouncing.
How does it feel?
Oh, much better, honey.
Those pills really helped.
Oh, good.
Do you really think you're
up to taking the stairs, Donald?
Yeah, honey. I'll go
down one at a time
and I'll get home. Okay.
I'm sure I'm gonna feel
much better in the morning.
Let me help you. Okay.
Ow!
Oh, Donald! Let go! Let go!
Oh, Donald!
Oh, Ann!
Oh!
♪♪