That Girl (1966–1971): Season 4, Episode 24 - They Shoot Pictures, Don't They? - full transcript
Ann, Donald and Jerry come home from an evening out watching a cinema-verité offering. Made for $35,000, the movie is expected to reap $10 million in sales. The three figure that they have the abilities collectively to make a better movie than what they just watched. They each vow to invest $5,000 - with an additional $5,000 from an absent Ruthie - with the three to do all the work. Ruthie doesn't balk at the idea but is somewhat outside of the fray as she seems preoccupied with other thoughts. Using an expensive camera from the magazine, Donald shoots some test footage in Ann's apartment. When he and Ann later watch that test footage, Ann notices something in the background of the film, namely Ruthie, in another apartment across the courtyard, kissing a man who is not Jerry. While Donald believes they should mind their own business, Ann, without asking Ruthie directly, believes she needs to find out what's going on in an effort to save Jerry and Ruthie's marriage.
You know, the
really amazing thing
is is that picture was made
by two people who never
even made a movie before.
No, no. The amazing
thing is that the story
is practically the
exact same story
I wrote in college
five years ago.
You know what's
really amazing...
Now wait a minute.
I just had a pretty
good amazing.
If I ever need an
amazing, I'll use it.
Can I give you a fantastic?
There they go again,
Humpty and Dumpty.
I'm going to fix some coffee.
Jerry, why don't you
go over and ask Ruthie
to come have coffee with us?
She was sleeping
when we left, Ann.
She's just been exhausted
this week, so let her sleep.
Where was I?
You were just complimenting
me on my amazing
and you were about
to describe a fantastic.
Right, the fantastic thing
is they made that
movie for 35,000
and they expect to
make $10 million from it.
That's unbelievable.
No, fantastic.
We haven't had
an unbelievable yet.
My coffee will be
ready in a few minutes.
There's our unbelievable.
Her coffee.
$10 million for 35,000.
Whoo!
You know what?
What?
We have the nucleus for
a film company right here.
Don and I are writers,
Ann's an actress,
I'm a cameraman.
Jerry, you're a
man with a camera.
You are not a cameraman.
I've seen your home movies.
Original, were they not?
Definitely original.
I've never seen any
other home movies
of you driving a car
through Central Park.
I did it all while
holding the camera
arm's length away
from myself while driving.
Sounds terrific. It was.
I got some great
shots of my fender
immediately after
I hit the taxi cab.
You know, Donald,
it could be fun.
And I think you're
a much better writer
than those guys
who wrote that movie.
Oh, the coffee's ready.
Honey, we don't know
anything about making a movie.
Well, we'll learn as we go.
I'll tell you what, you
can be the producer.
I don't want to be a producer.
Why not? It'll be easy.
Ann can help you.
She can make the costumes
and do the secretarial work,
make the sandwiches and stuff,
and we're going
to make $10 million.
Oh, sure.
Let the girl make costumes,
let the girl make the food,
let the girl take messages.
But when it comes
to the $10 million,
whatever happened to that girl?
♪♪ [theme]
That's it.
An 90-minute picture
takes about 20 rolls of film,
which costs about $5 a roll
to buy and have developed,
plus the audio tape,
and we're all going
to throw in our
talents for nothing.
Right? Right.
So there's no reason
why this should cost
any more than a
thousand dollars tops,
with everything.
And I may even be
able to get a discount
on the developing
at the drug store.
Maybe we could find
out what drug store
MGM and Paramount uses
to get their films developed.
They do a good job.
I find it absolutely
impossible to believe
that we can make a movie
for a thousand dollars.
Well, I'm figuring all
this on 16 millimeter.
They can blow it
up to 35 someplace
and that would probably
cost a few dollars...
Let's say 2,000.
What about lights?
We'll probably need
some special lights.
So how much?
Figure at the
most, the very most,
with everything, 3-5,000.
Maybe 6, 7,000, but that's it.
Round it out, $10,000.
You know it's not going
to cost any more than 15.
And maybe I'd better
try to sell the movie of me
driving through Central Park
because I don't have $15,000.
Oh, Jerry, the most it
can cost you is $5,000.
I mean, 5,000 from
each of us makes 15,000.
Wrong.
5,000 from each
of us makes 20,000.
Now how do you figure that?
Well, did you say you want
Ruthie to get involved in this?
Oh, sure, but my 5,000
is for Ruthie and me.
Oh. Well, then, my $5,000
should be for Ann and me.
I mean, if Ann gives
5,000, Ruthie should.
Well, Ruth doesn't have $5,000.
So what? Neither do I.
Or me. Me, neither.
All right.
So long as we're all going to
give $5,000 that we don't have,
why don't we have Ruthie give
5 that she doesn't have, too?
That makes a lot of sense.
And if somebody comes
up with some real money...
We'll work out a new system.
Perfect. Perfect.
Now what do we already
have to get started with?
Okay, I got a camera
and a light attachment
and half a roll of
film left in the camera.
We're on the way.
Yeah, but we'll need film.
No, I got a half
a roll of film left.
I know, but I want
to start our movie
with a fresh roll of film.
I think a little bit of
the glamour's lost
if you get your
first roll of film back
and you got half your
modern avant-garde movie
and half your friend
at Grant's Tomb.
The Staten Island Ferry.
Worse.
I was shooting the water
going by the side of the ferry.
Fresh, exciting.
I'll get a new roll of film.
Why don't you
use up the old roll?
You can take a picture
of me going home.
That's silly.
You haven't had a chance
to be alone with Ann tonight.
If you take about an hour
to get your camera, I will.
Aha. I'll see you at
the office tomorrow.
Night, Jerry.
Be sure and tell Ruthie
that while she was sleeping,
we put her in the movies.
I will.
And now we cut to a close-up
of Jerry as he slowly turns,
fights his way to
the door, opens it...
and sees his wife?
Hi, dear. Hi.
Hi, Ann, Don. Hi. Hi.
Ruthie, were you going
out or coming in? Coming in.
Didn't you stop in the
apartment when you came back?
I left you a note.
Well, yeah, but I
didn't want to wake you.
Where were you?
I just took a walk.
I couldn't sleep, so I
went for a little walk,
had a bite.
How was the picture?
It was terrific, but, uh,
not as good as ours. Ours?
Well, I'm calling it ours now,
but when the reviews
come out, it'll all be mine.
What are you talking about, Ann?
We're making our own movie.
Yes, and it's starring you.
It's called A Weird Walker,
and it's about this lady who says
she's too tired to go to the movies
but instead goes out for a walk.
Jerry. Come on, Ruthie.
Good night. Night.
Listen, Jerry, for
what it's worth,
I do that all the time.
I mean, just wake up
in the middle of the night
and get dressed
and go out for a walk.
So did I every day
I was in the Army.
It's called reveille.
Night.
In New York City
you've gotten up
in the middle of the night?
Oh, of course not.
But just in case he thought
she was up to something funny,
I just thought I'd...
Well, you know, I'd...
Mix in.
Donald, what's
wrong with mixing in
when you can make things better?
Nothing if you're a chef.
If you're Ann Marie, it can
only end up in crying. Donald.
Jerry's really excited
about this film, Ann.
Do you really think
it could be anything?
Who knows.
We're all going to have a
meeting about it on Saturday.
Saturday...
Oh, well, uh, it... It
depends on when.
I have an appointment
Saturday, something to do.
Well, Jerry will take
that into consideration.
Jerry doesn't know about it yet.
I mean, well, he
will soon enough.
Uh, I gotta go anyway.
Look, Ann, don't
mention it to him.
I wouldn't think of it.
Listen, Ruthie, you...
You wanna talk about it?
You know, friend to friend?
Mm-mm, not now.
I gotta go down to
the store anyway.
I'll see you later. Yeah. Bye.
[knocking at door] Who is it?
It's Don. Oh, come in!
Hi, sweetheart. Hi. I'll
be through in a minute.
Ann. What?
[camera rolling] Ann. What?
Honey! What?
That's it! That's perfect! Oh...
Come no, now keep cleaning,
just keep cleaning and washing!
Whatever you're doing, just
keep doing it. Oh, Donald.
That's it. Just keep going...
Donald, stop it.
Come on, keep going.
Where did you get that
camera? [camera stops]
I got it from the
News Department.
I borrowed it for a few days.
It's fantastic.
What about Jerry's?
Honey, Jerry's camera is
very good for dogs and babies
and the occasional car
crash, but look at that!
Yeah, it's really
professional-looking, gosh.
Okay, now, you just keep
casually cleaning, all right?
I want to get
used to this thing.
Just... Just go ahead.
Just keep casually cleaning.
Well, what do I do?
Just be completely
natural. Okay, all right...
No, don't look at
me. Don't look at...
Now, okay. Okay, start
to rub. [camera rolling]
That's it. That's it.
Okay, now, honey, give me
some sad window washing.
Sad window washing?
Yeah, that's... Sad
window washing.
[sobbing]
Ann, that's it.
Now... Good, good.
Now give me happy
window washing.
[laughing]
Okay, good.
Now give me, uh,
surprised window washing.
Oh, Donald.
Um... uh... [gasping]
That's it.
That's it. That's it. [gasping]
All right, Donald,
now that's enough.
Now, come on, keep going,
keep going, keep going.
When is this film
going to be developed?
Tomorrow. Now listen.
Give me something really cute.
What are you... Cute.
Slide this through here.
I can't wait to see these.
Okay, wait a minute.
Now, what we
gotta do is... this.
Okay. Okay.
Lights. Lights.
Okay. Comfortable? Uh-huh.
Okay.
[clicking]
What's the matter? Lights.
Maybe we ought to
wait till Jerry gets back.
You think Jerry would know
how this works and I wouldn't?
Well, it's his projector.
He has a car, too, but that
doesn't mean I can't drive it.
Why don't you drive
it over to the office
and bring him back so
he can work the projector?
Bad type joke, Ann. Bad joke.
Oh, Donald, I'm just kidding.
I know you can handle
it. You always do.
Okay.
Uh... Lights.
Okay. [giggles]
[projector rolling]
Wait a minute.
Lights!
[projector stops]
Oh, Donald, don't feel bad.
I'm not thinking anything bad.
I think you're terrific.
Cool it, Ann.
All right, that should do it.
Cross your fingers
and turn out the lights.
Lights!
[projector rolling]
Hah. Ugh.
Ooh, I look awful.
That's the best
I've ever seen you.
Oh, Donald, you don't mean that.
I really do. Look.
You're totally silent.
Bad type joke,
Donald. A very bad joke.
Donald, stop... stop the film.
Stop... stop the machine! What?
Can you back it up? Can
you back up that machine?
Yeah. Why? Just
get it going. Ruthie.
Ruthie what?
Go on, Donald.
Ruthie... Ruthie's in there.
Now watch this. Now
watch. Get it going.
Now watch this. Now
watch... Here it comes.
See where I'm doing the
surprised window washing?
There! There it is!
Stop! Stop... Stop the film.
What? What?
Him! Him who?
Him! Donald, stop
it! You passed it!
Go forward again.
Him and her, Donald. Them!
Ann... Stop! There! There! Stop!
See? Look, Donald. See them?
And look what they're doing.
Who's doing what? Where? What?
It's Ruthie across the
court, and she's with a man.
And they're kissing.
Donald, we've gotta
destroy that film.
Honey, I'm telling you,
nobody will notice it.
I noticed it.
Jerry will notice it,
and Ruthie will notice it.
Ruthie knows about it already.
Is that supposed to
be a joke, Donald?
I don't think there's anything
funny about this situation
in any way, shape or form.
I wish we never even started
making this darn movie.
Honey, Ruthie and
Jerry are our friends.
Now let's try to
remember two things.
Number 1, there may be
a perfectly happy
explanation for this.
And if there isn't, it's
really none of our business.
I'm throwing that
film out, Donald.
I'm sorry, I really don't
want Jerry to see this,
even though it's
probably all his fault.
Why Jerry's fault?
Because Ruthie is my friend,
and if she's kissing
someplace else,
he probably drove her to it.
Men are so rotten.
That's unfair.
Oh, really?
What about the
one across the alley
kissing a married woman?
Ann, look... I'm
throwing this away.
Honey, wait a minute.
Jerry knows I tried
to use the camera.
What are you going to
do when he asks to see it?
I'll tell him the
truth. It was stolen.
Oh, good. Honesty
is the best policy.
Put it right down
the incinerator.
Hi, Ann. Ruthie!
Can I come in? Uh, sure, sure.
I was going to invite you.
Ooh, did you take those?
These? No, no, I
didn't take these.
These are... These are Donald's.
Here, Donald. Here's your film.
What are they of, Don?
These? Um...
Well, they were, uh...
They were taken...
College film.
They're college film.
You know, playing
football and stuff in college.
Oh, what position did he play?
Quarterback. End.
End quarterback.
He was the end quarterback.
I'll bet he was.
He'd be good at anything he did.
He's mine, Ruthie.
I... I mean...
Well, when do we
start making our movie?
Tomorrow, but, uh, we
don't even have a story yet.
You know, they say something
from real life is the best.
Oh, Ruthie.
[mutters]
Am I interrupting something?
No, no. Well, none
of my business.
Besides, I've got other
things on my mind.
I'll see you later.
I'm expecting a call.
Did you hear the key phrase?
I certainly did. "Other
things on my mind."
I should say so, and
he's about 6 feet tall.
Not that key phrase,
the other key phrase.
What? None of my business.
Donald, are you trying to imply
that this is none
of my business?
This is certainly my business.
I see my best friend
kiss a man I don't even know.
I mean, my married
friend kissing a best man.
I mean... Oh, Donald,
you gotta talk to Jerry.
You gotta talk to Jerry.
Why? Because!
You're not even... You
don't even care about this.
You're not even
involved, are you?
I mean, a girl goes to an
apartment and kisses a man.
You do it every once
in a while and I love it.
That's because
we're single, Donald.
If we were married
you wouldn't love it.
I mean... Well, Donald...
[knocking at door]
Who is it? Jerry
Bauman, screenwriter.
How does he have the
nerve to show up? Ann.
Donald, I don't want to see him.
I don't even want to go through
with this whole movie thing.
I-I just can't.
Say "Come in." Come in.
There it is.
Uh, what?
The script.
I did it today,
typed up the
scripts for our movie.
Got the idea and it
flowed through my fingers
like oil from an elephant.
That, we can
forget. There it is.
Jerry, I've decided I really
don't want to make the movie.
What?
Well, I, uh...
I'm just out of the mood for it.
Out of the mood?
How about you?
Well, Jerry, since
Ann... Since Ann?
I wrote a script, an
entire movie script,
a lifetime's work.
Jerry, you did it in a day.
For a 24-hour virus
a day is a lifetime.
Why?
Well, I just can't talk
about it right now.
Listen to this all of a sudden.
Great friends and
now, out of nowhere,
"I just can't talk about it."
How about you?
Can you talk about it?
Look, Jerry... Jerry, she just
doesn't feel like it, that's all.
All right.
The script will work for Ruthie.
It was for you and Don,
but now I'll do it
with me and Ruthie.
By the way, is Ruthie home yet?
Uh, yeah, she's
expecting a phone call.
From who? I don't know his name.
Hi, honey.
Hello, star.
You just became a movie star.
Me?
Ann doesn't want
to make the movie
and I wrote a script.
Well, you may not
want to do it, either,
when I finish telling you
what I have to tell you.
[Jerry] What are
you talking about?
Uh, come on inside.
I want to tell you alone.
Ann, Don, forgive me?
[door closes] She
asked us to forgive her.
Oh, Donald, what
are we going to do?
Why don't we go out for dinner?
Well, somebody should be here.
For what? Who knows.
She may need a friend.
I thought she had a friend.
[chuckling] Donald.
All right, honey.
All right, all right.
It all may possibly be true
and Jerry may need
someone to talk to, okay.
Gloria. What?
Gloria, the answering service.
They use the same one I do.
"Ruthie's expecting
a call," she said.
Maybe that call came
in while she was out
and Gloria would have
taken the message.
Gloria will know who's
trying to reach Ruthie.
Ann, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You're not going to call Gloria.
Donald, please,
this is my business.
They're my very good friends
and they've had a
wonderful marriage.
It's practically my obligation
to try and help them save it.
Now, please, Donald,
don't tell me I can't do this.
Don't try and stop
me, Donald. Ann.
Donald, it's not nice to mix in.
Gloria's answer
phone. Gloria speaking.
Gloria, hi. It's Ann Marie.
Hi, Ann. How are you?
I'm fine, thank you.
There aren't any
messages for you.
Oh, I know.
I'm sorry.
Maybe I should've
made up a good one.
Uh, listen, Gloria,
I'm not really calling
for my messages.
I'm calling for Ruthie Bauman's.
Oh. Well, she called in
about ten minutes ago for hers.
There haven't been any since.
Well, um, could
you please tell me
what her messages were?
Ann, for heaven's sake, you...
Ann, for heaven's sakes.
Gloria, you know I'm
not asking just to be nosy.
Why are you asking?
Well, because I, uh...
Well, I can't tell
you right now,
but Gloria, you're my friend.
You know I wouldn't be
asking for any bad reason.
I know that, but I
can't give them out.
How would you like it if I
gave your messages to her?
Well, I wouldn't like
it at all, but I'm not...
Listen, Gloria, can
you keep a secret?
Ann!
So just keep those
messages secret,
just like you wanted to.
I will.
Gloria, could I just ask
if it was a man
that was calling?
I mean, that's fair, isn't it?
That's harmless. Can
I just ask you that?
That you can ask.
Was it a man calling?
I can't answer that.
Gloria.
[clicks tongue] Good-bye.
Good-bye. Thanks for calling.
Honey.
Oh, Donald.
Oh, okay, honey.
Okay, okay, all
right, all right.
I really love them both so much.
I mean, they're so
nice, both of them.
Either one of them.
I mean, separate
and then together.
You know, Donald, I would
love either one of them
if I just met them next door
and they weren't married.
I mean, you know,
separate, by themselves,
not even together, I would
love each one of them.
It's just that I...
I really don't want
them to be unhappy.
I mean, either one of them
or both of them unhappy.
Is that so wrong, Donald?
You're always saying,
"Oh, Ann. Oh, Ann."
Is that so wrong,
Donald? [chuckles]
Honey, honey, look.
You're not wrong to
want them to be happy
and you're not wrong
to worry about them.
All I'm suggesting is
that maybe you're wrong
about the situation.
Maybe there's nothing
whatsoever wrong
going on between them
and what she's been doing.
Donald, what she's been doing?
Nobody knows what
she's been doing.
She's going places
she's never been before,
she's going out shopping and
then really not going shopping,
she's taking these
mysterious walks
in the middle of the evening
for some late kind of snacks.
What else could it be?
A baby?
A baby?
We're going to have a baby?
Uh-huh.
[laughing] Oh, Ruthie!
Oh! Oh, my goodness!
Oh. Are... Are you all right?
Of course, silly.
And here's the exciting part.
"Here's the exciting part"?
You say we're
going to have a baby,
and then you say,
"Here's the exciting part"?
Twins? No.
Triplets?
Listen to me.
It's the mustache. What?
That's what it is.
It's the mustache.
When I grew the mustache,
I got more masculine.
Jerry. It'll be a boy.
Silly. With a beard.
Do you want to hear the rest?
And none of this
Ruthie and Jerry stuff.
He'll call us Mom and Dad.
I hate when kids call parents
by their first name.
Oh, Jerry!
Jerry, I'm so happy for you!
I really am!
I just really am so excited!
I love it, too.
It's really the first chance
I've had to hug Ann.
How soon?
Not for another six months.
That's why you've
been walking at midnight
to go out and have
a snack. Mm-hmm.
You know what I
don't understand,
and probably never will?
Why do women keep
something like that a secret?
Well, because you don't
always know right away
and you don't want
to get your husband
all excited until
you're positive.
I didn't know really until I saw
the doctor this afternoon, and...
And that's not all.
There's more?
Well, I wanted to
make it all perfect.
Come here.
You see that apartment
right across the way?
D-Definitely.
I can see that
apartment very clearly.
Well, it was for rent.
And yesterday the
bachelor who was living there
promised he'd be out by the end
of the month and we're getting it.
He just called before
to say it was all set.
And it's huge, much
bigger than our place,
with an extra den that
we can use for the baby.
Oh, Ruthie, that's fantastic.
I'll bet you were so excited
when that bachelor told you that
that you gave him
a big hug and a kiss.
Oh, you better believe it.
How did you know that?
I saw it.
Through the window? Well, no.
[stammering] In Donald's
football film... [phone ringing]
in between his
quarterbacking and his ending.
[Donald] Ann. Ann.
What? [ring]
Answer the phone.
Oh. Yes.
Hello.
Ann, this is Gloria.
I've been thinking,
I know you're a good
friend of Ruthie's,
and if you want to know,
well, then you
must have a reason.
And I like Ruthie, too.
Well, I've been wondering.
A man did call
her this afternoon.
Do you think...
You ought to be ashamed
of yourself, Gloria.
People.
Is there anything at
all that can be learned
from the past few days?
Of course.
I learned a lot of things.
I learned that I should
wait before I leap,
and that I should consider
all sides of the question,
and, uh, I shouldn't
get involved
in other people's business
more than I have to,
and that I should
mind my own business,
and that I should butt out.
That's quite a lesson.
Yeah, well, if I'd
learned it years ago
I wouldn't have had
such a miserable day.
Have you learned it now? Uh-huh.
And you're not going to butt
into everybody else's business?
And you're not
going to get involved,
and you're going to consider
both sides of the question?
And you're going to
wait before you leap?
Then get my coat.
That's a whole different girl
than the one I
fell in love with.
Oh, Donald.
There'll be sometimes
when I'll just... mix in.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
really amazing thing
is is that picture was made
by two people who never
even made a movie before.
No, no. The amazing
thing is that the story
is practically the
exact same story
I wrote in college
five years ago.
You know what's
really amazing...
Now wait a minute.
I just had a pretty
good amazing.
If I ever need an
amazing, I'll use it.
Can I give you a fantastic?
There they go again,
Humpty and Dumpty.
I'm going to fix some coffee.
Jerry, why don't you
go over and ask Ruthie
to come have coffee with us?
She was sleeping
when we left, Ann.
She's just been exhausted
this week, so let her sleep.
Where was I?
You were just complimenting
me on my amazing
and you were about
to describe a fantastic.
Right, the fantastic thing
is they made that
movie for 35,000
and they expect to
make $10 million from it.
That's unbelievable.
No, fantastic.
We haven't had
an unbelievable yet.
My coffee will be
ready in a few minutes.
There's our unbelievable.
Her coffee.
$10 million for 35,000.
Whoo!
You know what?
What?
We have the nucleus for
a film company right here.
Don and I are writers,
Ann's an actress,
I'm a cameraman.
Jerry, you're a
man with a camera.
You are not a cameraman.
I've seen your home movies.
Original, were they not?
Definitely original.
I've never seen any
other home movies
of you driving a car
through Central Park.
I did it all while
holding the camera
arm's length away
from myself while driving.
Sounds terrific. It was.
I got some great
shots of my fender
immediately after
I hit the taxi cab.
You know, Donald,
it could be fun.
And I think you're
a much better writer
than those guys
who wrote that movie.
Oh, the coffee's ready.
Honey, we don't know
anything about making a movie.
Well, we'll learn as we go.
I'll tell you what, you
can be the producer.
I don't want to be a producer.
Why not? It'll be easy.
Ann can help you.
She can make the costumes
and do the secretarial work,
make the sandwiches and stuff,
and we're going
to make $10 million.
Oh, sure.
Let the girl make costumes,
let the girl make the food,
let the girl take messages.
But when it comes
to the $10 million,
whatever happened to that girl?
♪♪ [theme]
That's it.
An 90-minute picture
takes about 20 rolls of film,
which costs about $5 a roll
to buy and have developed,
plus the audio tape,
and we're all going
to throw in our
talents for nothing.
Right? Right.
So there's no reason
why this should cost
any more than a
thousand dollars tops,
with everything.
And I may even be
able to get a discount
on the developing
at the drug store.
Maybe we could find
out what drug store
MGM and Paramount uses
to get their films developed.
They do a good job.
I find it absolutely
impossible to believe
that we can make a movie
for a thousand dollars.
Well, I'm figuring all
this on 16 millimeter.
They can blow it
up to 35 someplace
and that would probably
cost a few dollars...
Let's say 2,000.
What about lights?
We'll probably need
some special lights.
So how much?
Figure at the
most, the very most,
with everything, 3-5,000.
Maybe 6, 7,000, but that's it.
Round it out, $10,000.
You know it's not going
to cost any more than 15.
And maybe I'd better
try to sell the movie of me
driving through Central Park
because I don't have $15,000.
Oh, Jerry, the most it
can cost you is $5,000.
I mean, 5,000 from
each of us makes 15,000.
Wrong.
5,000 from each
of us makes 20,000.
Now how do you figure that?
Well, did you say you want
Ruthie to get involved in this?
Oh, sure, but my 5,000
is for Ruthie and me.
Oh. Well, then, my $5,000
should be for Ann and me.
I mean, if Ann gives
5,000, Ruthie should.
Well, Ruth doesn't have $5,000.
So what? Neither do I.
Or me. Me, neither.
All right.
So long as we're all going to
give $5,000 that we don't have,
why don't we have Ruthie give
5 that she doesn't have, too?
That makes a lot of sense.
And if somebody comes
up with some real money...
We'll work out a new system.
Perfect. Perfect.
Now what do we already
have to get started with?
Okay, I got a camera
and a light attachment
and half a roll of
film left in the camera.
We're on the way.
Yeah, but we'll need film.
No, I got a half
a roll of film left.
I know, but I want
to start our movie
with a fresh roll of film.
I think a little bit of
the glamour's lost
if you get your
first roll of film back
and you got half your
modern avant-garde movie
and half your friend
at Grant's Tomb.
The Staten Island Ferry.
Worse.
I was shooting the water
going by the side of the ferry.
Fresh, exciting.
I'll get a new roll of film.
Why don't you
use up the old roll?
You can take a picture
of me going home.
That's silly.
You haven't had a chance
to be alone with Ann tonight.
If you take about an hour
to get your camera, I will.
Aha. I'll see you at
the office tomorrow.
Night, Jerry.
Be sure and tell Ruthie
that while she was sleeping,
we put her in the movies.
I will.
And now we cut to a close-up
of Jerry as he slowly turns,
fights his way to
the door, opens it...
and sees his wife?
Hi, dear. Hi.
Hi, Ann, Don. Hi. Hi.
Ruthie, were you going
out or coming in? Coming in.
Didn't you stop in the
apartment when you came back?
I left you a note.
Well, yeah, but I
didn't want to wake you.
Where were you?
I just took a walk.
I couldn't sleep, so I
went for a little walk,
had a bite.
How was the picture?
It was terrific, but, uh,
not as good as ours. Ours?
Well, I'm calling it ours now,
but when the reviews
come out, it'll all be mine.
What are you talking about, Ann?
We're making our own movie.
Yes, and it's starring you.
It's called A Weird Walker,
and it's about this lady who says
she's too tired to go to the movies
but instead goes out for a walk.
Jerry. Come on, Ruthie.
Good night. Night.
Listen, Jerry, for
what it's worth,
I do that all the time.
I mean, just wake up
in the middle of the night
and get dressed
and go out for a walk.
So did I every day
I was in the Army.
It's called reveille.
Night.
In New York City
you've gotten up
in the middle of the night?
Oh, of course not.
But just in case he thought
she was up to something funny,
I just thought I'd...
Well, you know, I'd...
Mix in.
Donald, what's
wrong with mixing in
when you can make things better?
Nothing if you're a chef.
If you're Ann Marie, it can
only end up in crying. Donald.
Jerry's really excited
about this film, Ann.
Do you really think
it could be anything?
Who knows.
We're all going to have a
meeting about it on Saturday.
Saturday...
Oh, well, uh, it... It
depends on when.
I have an appointment
Saturday, something to do.
Well, Jerry will take
that into consideration.
Jerry doesn't know about it yet.
I mean, well, he
will soon enough.
Uh, I gotta go anyway.
Look, Ann, don't
mention it to him.
I wouldn't think of it.
Listen, Ruthie, you...
You wanna talk about it?
You know, friend to friend?
Mm-mm, not now.
I gotta go down to
the store anyway.
I'll see you later. Yeah. Bye.
[knocking at door] Who is it?
It's Don. Oh, come in!
Hi, sweetheart. Hi. I'll
be through in a minute.
Ann. What?
[camera rolling] Ann. What?
Honey! What?
That's it! That's perfect! Oh...
Come no, now keep cleaning,
just keep cleaning and washing!
Whatever you're doing, just
keep doing it. Oh, Donald.
That's it. Just keep going...
Donald, stop it.
Come on, keep going.
Where did you get that
camera? [camera stops]
I got it from the
News Department.
I borrowed it for a few days.
It's fantastic.
What about Jerry's?
Honey, Jerry's camera is
very good for dogs and babies
and the occasional car
crash, but look at that!
Yeah, it's really
professional-looking, gosh.
Okay, now, you just keep
casually cleaning, all right?
I want to get
used to this thing.
Just... Just go ahead.
Just keep casually cleaning.
Well, what do I do?
Just be completely
natural. Okay, all right...
No, don't look at
me. Don't look at...
Now, okay. Okay, start
to rub. [camera rolling]
That's it. That's it.
Okay, now, honey, give me
some sad window washing.
Sad window washing?
Yeah, that's... Sad
window washing.
[sobbing]
Ann, that's it.
Now... Good, good.
Now give me happy
window washing.
[laughing]
Okay, good.
Now give me, uh,
surprised window washing.
Oh, Donald.
Um... uh... [gasping]
That's it.
That's it. That's it. [gasping]
All right, Donald,
now that's enough.
Now, come on, keep going,
keep going, keep going.
When is this film
going to be developed?
Tomorrow. Now listen.
Give me something really cute.
What are you... Cute.
Slide this through here.
I can't wait to see these.
Okay, wait a minute.
Now, what we
gotta do is... this.
Okay. Okay.
Lights. Lights.
Okay. Comfortable? Uh-huh.
Okay.
[clicking]
What's the matter? Lights.
Maybe we ought to
wait till Jerry gets back.
You think Jerry would know
how this works and I wouldn't?
Well, it's his projector.
He has a car, too, but that
doesn't mean I can't drive it.
Why don't you drive
it over to the office
and bring him back so
he can work the projector?
Bad type joke, Ann. Bad joke.
Oh, Donald, I'm just kidding.
I know you can handle
it. You always do.
Okay.
Uh... Lights.
Okay. [giggles]
[projector rolling]
Wait a minute.
Lights!
[projector stops]
Oh, Donald, don't feel bad.
I'm not thinking anything bad.
I think you're terrific.
Cool it, Ann.
All right, that should do it.
Cross your fingers
and turn out the lights.
Lights!
[projector rolling]
Hah. Ugh.
Ooh, I look awful.
That's the best
I've ever seen you.
Oh, Donald, you don't mean that.
I really do. Look.
You're totally silent.
Bad type joke,
Donald. A very bad joke.
Donald, stop... stop the film.
Stop... stop the machine! What?
Can you back it up? Can
you back up that machine?
Yeah. Why? Just
get it going. Ruthie.
Ruthie what?
Go on, Donald.
Ruthie... Ruthie's in there.
Now watch this. Now
watch. Get it going.
Now watch this. Now
watch... Here it comes.
See where I'm doing the
surprised window washing?
There! There it is!
Stop! Stop... Stop the film.
What? What?
Him! Him who?
Him! Donald, stop
it! You passed it!
Go forward again.
Him and her, Donald. Them!
Ann... Stop! There! There! Stop!
See? Look, Donald. See them?
And look what they're doing.
Who's doing what? Where? What?
It's Ruthie across the
court, and she's with a man.
And they're kissing.
Donald, we've gotta
destroy that film.
Honey, I'm telling you,
nobody will notice it.
I noticed it.
Jerry will notice it,
and Ruthie will notice it.
Ruthie knows about it already.
Is that supposed to
be a joke, Donald?
I don't think there's anything
funny about this situation
in any way, shape or form.
I wish we never even started
making this darn movie.
Honey, Ruthie and
Jerry are our friends.
Now let's try to
remember two things.
Number 1, there may be
a perfectly happy
explanation for this.
And if there isn't, it's
really none of our business.
I'm throwing that
film out, Donald.
I'm sorry, I really don't
want Jerry to see this,
even though it's
probably all his fault.
Why Jerry's fault?
Because Ruthie is my friend,
and if she's kissing
someplace else,
he probably drove her to it.
Men are so rotten.
That's unfair.
Oh, really?
What about the
one across the alley
kissing a married woman?
Ann, look... I'm
throwing this away.
Honey, wait a minute.
Jerry knows I tried
to use the camera.
What are you going to
do when he asks to see it?
I'll tell him the
truth. It was stolen.
Oh, good. Honesty
is the best policy.
Put it right down
the incinerator.
Hi, Ann. Ruthie!
Can I come in? Uh, sure, sure.
I was going to invite you.
Ooh, did you take those?
These? No, no, I
didn't take these.
These are... These are Donald's.
Here, Donald. Here's your film.
What are they of, Don?
These? Um...
Well, they were, uh...
They were taken...
College film.
They're college film.
You know, playing
football and stuff in college.
Oh, what position did he play?
Quarterback. End.
End quarterback.
He was the end quarterback.
I'll bet he was.
He'd be good at anything he did.
He's mine, Ruthie.
I... I mean...
Well, when do we
start making our movie?
Tomorrow, but, uh, we
don't even have a story yet.
You know, they say something
from real life is the best.
Oh, Ruthie.
[mutters]
Am I interrupting something?
No, no. Well, none
of my business.
Besides, I've got other
things on my mind.
I'll see you later.
I'm expecting a call.
Did you hear the key phrase?
I certainly did. "Other
things on my mind."
I should say so, and
he's about 6 feet tall.
Not that key phrase,
the other key phrase.
What? None of my business.
Donald, are you trying to imply
that this is none
of my business?
This is certainly my business.
I see my best friend
kiss a man I don't even know.
I mean, my married
friend kissing a best man.
I mean... Oh, Donald,
you gotta talk to Jerry.
You gotta talk to Jerry.
Why? Because!
You're not even... You
don't even care about this.
You're not even
involved, are you?
I mean, a girl goes to an
apartment and kisses a man.
You do it every once
in a while and I love it.
That's because
we're single, Donald.
If we were married
you wouldn't love it.
I mean... Well, Donald...
[knocking at door]
Who is it? Jerry
Bauman, screenwriter.
How does he have the
nerve to show up? Ann.
Donald, I don't want to see him.
I don't even want to go through
with this whole movie thing.
I-I just can't.
Say "Come in." Come in.
There it is.
Uh, what?
The script.
I did it today,
typed up the
scripts for our movie.
Got the idea and it
flowed through my fingers
like oil from an elephant.
That, we can
forget. There it is.
Jerry, I've decided I really
don't want to make the movie.
What?
Well, I, uh...
I'm just out of the mood for it.
Out of the mood?
How about you?
Well, Jerry, since
Ann... Since Ann?
I wrote a script, an
entire movie script,
a lifetime's work.
Jerry, you did it in a day.
For a 24-hour virus
a day is a lifetime.
Why?
Well, I just can't talk
about it right now.
Listen to this all of a sudden.
Great friends and
now, out of nowhere,
"I just can't talk about it."
How about you?
Can you talk about it?
Look, Jerry... Jerry, she just
doesn't feel like it, that's all.
All right.
The script will work for Ruthie.
It was for you and Don,
but now I'll do it
with me and Ruthie.
By the way, is Ruthie home yet?
Uh, yeah, she's
expecting a phone call.
From who? I don't know his name.
Hi, honey.
Hello, star.
You just became a movie star.
Me?
Ann doesn't want
to make the movie
and I wrote a script.
Well, you may not
want to do it, either,
when I finish telling you
what I have to tell you.
[Jerry] What are
you talking about?
Uh, come on inside.
I want to tell you alone.
Ann, Don, forgive me?
[door closes] She
asked us to forgive her.
Oh, Donald, what
are we going to do?
Why don't we go out for dinner?
Well, somebody should be here.
For what? Who knows.
She may need a friend.
I thought she had a friend.
[chuckling] Donald.
All right, honey.
All right, all right.
It all may possibly be true
and Jerry may need
someone to talk to, okay.
Gloria. What?
Gloria, the answering service.
They use the same one I do.
"Ruthie's expecting
a call," she said.
Maybe that call came
in while she was out
and Gloria would have
taken the message.
Gloria will know who's
trying to reach Ruthie.
Ann, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You're not going to call Gloria.
Donald, please,
this is my business.
They're my very good friends
and they've had a
wonderful marriage.
It's practically my obligation
to try and help them save it.
Now, please, Donald,
don't tell me I can't do this.
Don't try and stop
me, Donald. Ann.
Donald, it's not nice to mix in.
Gloria's answer
phone. Gloria speaking.
Gloria, hi. It's Ann Marie.
Hi, Ann. How are you?
I'm fine, thank you.
There aren't any
messages for you.
Oh, I know.
I'm sorry.
Maybe I should've
made up a good one.
Uh, listen, Gloria,
I'm not really calling
for my messages.
I'm calling for Ruthie Bauman's.
Oh. Well, she called in
about ten minutes ago for hers.
There haven't been any since.
Well, um, could
you please tell me
what her messages were?
Ann, for heaven's sake, you...
Ann, for heaven's sakes.
Gloria, you know I'm
not asking just to be nosy.
Why are you asking?
Well, because I, uh...
Well, I can't tell
you right now,
but Gloria, you're my friend.
You know I wouldn't be
asking for any bad reason.
I know that, but I
can't give them out.
How would you like it if I
gave your messages to her?
Well, I wouldn't like
it at all, but I'm not...
Listen, Gloria, can
you keep a secret?
Ann!
So just keep those
messages secret,
just like you wanted to.
I will.
Gloria, could I just ask
if it was a man
that was calling?
I mean, that's fair, isn't it?
That's harmless. Can
I just ask you that?
That you can ask.
Was it a man calling?
I can't answer that.
Gloria.
[clicks tongue] Good-bye.
Good-bye. Thanks for calling.
Honey.
Oh, Donald.
Oh, okay, honey.
Okay, okay, all
right, all right.
I really love them both so much.
I mean, they're so
nice, both of them.
Either one of them.
I mean, separate
and then together.
You know, Donald, I would
love either one of them
if I just met them next door
and they weren't married.
I mean, you know,
separate, by themselves,
not even together, I would
love each one of them.
It's just that I...
I really don't want
them to be unhappy.
I mean, either one of them
or both of them unhappy.
Is that so wrong, Donald?
You're always saying,
"Oh, Ann. Oh, Ann."
Is that so wrong,
Donald? [chuckles]
Honey, honey, look.
You're not wrong to
want them to be happy
and you're not wrong
to worry about them.
All I'm suggesting is
that maybe you're wrong
about the situation.
Maybe there's nothing
whatsoever wrong
going on between them
and what she's been doing.
Donald, what she's been doing?
Nobody knows what
she's been doing.
She's going places
she's never been before,
she's going out shopping and
then really not going shopping,
she's taking these
mysterious walks
in the middle of the evening
for some late kind of snacks.
What else could it be?
A baby?
A baby?
We're going to have a baby?
Uh-huh.
[laughing] Oh, Ruthie!
Oh! Oh, my goodness!
Oh. Are... Are you all right?
Of course, silly.
And here's the exciting part.
"Here's the exciting part"?
You say we're
going to have a baby,
and then you say,
"Here's the exciting part"?
Twins? No.
Triplets?
Listen to me.
It's the mustache. What?
That's what it is.
It's the mustache.
When I grew the mustache,
I got more masculine.
Jerry. It'll be a boy.
Silly. With a beard.
Do you want to hear the rest?
And none of this
Ruthie and Jerry stuff.
He'll call us Mom and Dad.
I hate when kids call parents
by their first name.
Oh, Jerry!
Jerry, I'm so happy for you!
I really am!
I just really am so excited!
I love it, too.
It's really the first chance
I've had to hug Ann.
How soon?
Not for another six months.
That's why you've
been walking at midnight
to go out and have
a snack. Mm-hmm.
You know what I
don't understand,
and probably never will?
Why do women keep
something like that a secret?
Well, because you don't
always know right away
and you don't want
to get your husband
all excited until
you're positive.
I didn't know really until I saw
the doctor this afternoon, and...
And that's not all.
There's more?
Well, I wanted to
make it all perfect.
Come here.
You see that apartment
right across the way?
D-Definitely.
I can see that
apartment very clearly.
Well, it was for rent.
And yesterday the
bachelor who was living there
promised he'd be out by the end
of the month and we're getting it.
He just called before
to say it was all set.
And it's huge, much
bigger than our place,
with an extra den that
we can use for the baby.
Oh, Ruthie, that's fantastic.
I'll bet you were so excited
when that bachelor told you that
that you gave him
a big hug and a kiss.
Oh, you better believe it.
How did you know that?
I saw it.
Through the window? Well, no.
[stammering] In Donald's
football film... [phone ringing]
in between his
quarterbacking and his ending.
[Donald] Ann. Ann.
What? [ring]
Answer the phone.
Oh. Yes.
Hello.
Ann, this is Gloria.
I've been thinking,
I know you're a good
friend of Ruthie's,
and if you want to know,
well, then you
must have a reason.
And I like Ruthie, too.
Well, I've been wondering.
A man did call
her this afternoon.
Do you think...
You ought to be ashamed
of yourself, Gloria.
People.
Is there anything at
all that can be learned
from the past few days?
Of course.
I learned a lot of things.
I learned that I should
wait before I leap,
and that I should consider
all sides of the question,
and, uh, I shouldn't
get involved
in other people's business
more than I have to,
and that I should
mind my own business,
and that I should butt out.
That's quite a lesson.
Yeah, well, if I'd
learned it years ago
I wouldn't have had
such a miserable day.
Have you learned it now? Uh-huh.
And you're not going to butt
into everybody else's business?
And you're not
going to get involved,
and you're going to consider
both sides of the question?
And you're going to
wait before you leap?
Then get my coat.
That's a whole different girl
than the one I
fell in love with.
Oh, Donald.
There'll be sometimes
when I'll just... mix in.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA