That Girl (1966–1971): Season 3, Episode 11 - Ann vs. Secretary - full transcript

Mr. Hollinger, please.

[Woman] Mr. Hollinger's office.

May I please speak to
Donald, Norah? It's Ann.

Mrs. Holdman is no
longer with News View.

To whom did you wish to speak?

I wish to speak to
Donald, Donald Hollinger.

He's in a meeting.

Would you care to
leave a message?

Yes, well, just
tell him Ann called.

Ann whom?

Ann whom?



Ann Marie, that's whom.

Isn't he out of the meeting yet?

Not yet.

I'll tell him you called.

What was the name again?

Same as it was
before... Ann Marie.

Don't tell me he's still
in the same meeting.

No, he's back. If
you'll hold a second.

Holding a second's a
cinch after calling for hours.

Mr. Hollinger, do you
want to take this call?

It's that girl.

♪♪ [theme]

[knocking at door]

Guess what day this is.



Well, I know it's Thursday, but if I
have to guess, how about Tuesday?

Wrong. This is
Donald Hollinger day.

First, the new secretary.

Yes. I want to talk
to you about her.

Second... Now, sit down.

I don't want you to
keel over in a faint.

I mean, the way she
sounded on the phone, so...

How long have we been waiting
for reservations to La Petite Cinq?

And the way she
said "that girl."

Who? Your secretary.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Anyway, the restaurant
called this afternoon.

They've had a cancellation.
Somebody must have died.

Oh, you mean that exclusive
restaurant with only five tables?

Five tables and the best
French food in the entire world.

Uh, with the exception
of here, of course.

[chuckles]

You'd have made
a great diplomat.

You think so? Mmm.

Never entered my mind.

♪♪ [accordion]

I'll tell you, when I walked
into my office this morning,

I thought I was in
the wrong place.

Mademoiselle? Thank you.

The pencils were sharpened.
The lights were turned on.

Monsieur. Thank you.

The desk was dusted. Hmm.

Well, now, what are
you going to have?

I'll tell you, honey,
she's not to be believed.

You want to start
with some escargots?

Why?

Because tonight we
live. The sky's the limit.

No, I mean why is
she not to be believed?

Who, Pat?

Well, because she's
so super-efficient,

anticipates your every need.

You don't have to
ask her to do anything.

She just automatically
goes and does it.

Terrific.

Hey, how about légumes
avec fromage parfait?

Where did you find
her, Donald? I didn't.

They sent her up from
the pool when Norah left.

Yeah, why did
Norah have to leave?

Well, it was either that or
have the baby in the office.

I forgot. Hey, look.

Escalope de veau...

That's with a
cream sauce on top.

How old is she?

I don't know. About
your age, I imagine.

Look, honey, poisson Véronique.

That's sand dabs with white
grapes flown in from Paris

and a cream sauce made
from only French cows.

We've got to have that.

What does she look like?

Does she wear glasses?

No.

What color hair does she have?

Oh, sort of brown.

How tall is she?

Sort of average.

To tell you the truth,
I never even noticed.

Do you know that she went
to the drugstore this morning

and got some Danish pastry
for me to have with my coffee?

She didn't.

Would you care to order, sir?

Yes. Yes, I would.

I'll have escargots,
endive vinaigrette,

crème à la champignons,
poisson Véronique,

and chocolate mousse.

Donald, that's terrific.

How do you know
what you're ordering?

Pat got a menu this morning
and translated it for me.

What are you going to have?

The cheeseburger.

Oh, hi. Hello.

May I help you?

Help me what?

Oh.

Are you... Pat?

I'm Ms. Crawford.

Oh. [chuckles]

I'm Ann. Ann Marie.

[stammering] Ms.
Ann Mar... Ms. Marie.

Did you wish to
see Mr. Hollinger?

Yes. That's all right.
I'll... I'll go right in.

I'll see if he's free.

Mr. Hollinger?
Ms. Marie is here.

Mr. Hollinger?

Since when did you need
a formal announcement?

I think since yesterday.

Did you two
introduce yourselves?

Oh, yes.

Yes, sir.

Oh, by the way, I
finished typing up

that stock market piece for you.

Already? That's great!

Come on in.

I just have a couple
of paragraphs to check.

Then we can go.

Isn't she fantastic?

Donald, you don't ask one
girl to rave about another.

You do in a case like this.

Not in a case where a girl

is definitely not
just sort of brown,

sort of average,
sort of anything.

She's absolutely gorgeous.

Isn't that one girl
raving about another?

No. That's one girl
complaining about another.

I never noticed
she was beautiful.

Of course, now that you
mention it, I can see it.

Well, I'm certainly glad I
brought it to your attention.

Now, if you don't mind,
may I jump out your window?

She's the most extremely
efficient secretary I've ever had.

Other than that, I
have no interest in her.

Well, you're very fortunate.

There's got to be something
the matter with her.

Nobody's perfect.

Oh, yeah?

You come pretty close.

Diplomat.

Come on, I'm finished. Let's go.

I ordered you some lunch.

Oh, Pat, I'm sorry you
went to that trouble.

I'm taking Ann to lunch.
We'll be back in an hour.

[phone ringing]

Mr. Hollinger's office.

Oh, yes, sir. He's still here.

[whispering] It's Mr. Kinsella.

Didn't that stuff I
wrote go upstairs?

Yes, but he wants to talk to you

about the Washington assignment.

What Washington assignment?

Uh, he'll be right
with you, Mr. Kinsella.

Well, I heard Mr. Kinsella's
secretary talking about it,

and it sounded
just right for you,

so I suggested that
she mention you

to Mr. Kinsella.

Washington.

Is that D.C. or the one that's
somewhere around Oregon?

Yes. Hello, Mr. Kinsella.

Yes, sir. Certainly.

Of course I'm interested.

I'll just grab a sandwich,
and I'll be right up.

That's really a
wonderful thing you did,

recommending Donald and all.

Oh! Oh, excuse me.

Oh, for heaven's sakes.

Say, I think you ought
to know that even though

you've only been here a
short while... How long?

That Donald just
thinks the world of you.

I mean, he's always raving about
how efficient you are and everything

and how you never do your nails,

and how sharp you
sharpen the pencils, and...

Oh, that really is sharp.
Say, you are a prize.

Thank you.

Well, uh, thank you very much.

And it was very
nice meeting you.

I think I'm late for something.

Oh. [chuckles]

Bye.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Donald, hi! Where are you?

I've been waiting for you.

Pat and I have really
been beating our brains out.

It's going to take at least
a couple more hours,

so I'm afraid you and I are going
to have to forget about tonight.

Oh, don't you worry about it.

What's one little broken date?

Donald, will you
stop apologizing?

We can always go to a movie.

Donald, it's not
such a big deal.

We'll simply have
lunch another time.

How important can
a little dinner be?

Donald, will you stop worrying?

I understand. Work comes first.

Bye.

I lose.

Oh, no. I lose.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Ms. Marie? I don't know if
you remember me or not,

but we used to date each other.

Was it about a
thousand years ago?

Oh, yes. I have a very
dim memory of you.

What was your name again?

The name is Donald Hollinger.

But you can call me "darling."

When?

[chuckles] Tonight.

Well, if this isn't
your lucky day.

I just happen to be free.

You know, you're terrific.

I've stood you up two nights,
three lunches, and not a word.

Donald, I may
very well be terrific,

and I don't want to
strike a blow at your ego,

but there are times
when a girl is very happy

to have a few
moments to herself.

You know, to wash her hair,

do her nails, and lots
of other chores, like...

solitaire and singles checkers.

Singles checkers?

Yeah, I just beat myself
three out of four games.

What time are you coming?

Oh, honey, that's
a slight problem.

Look, can you meet me here?

I have to work right up
until you can get here.

Say about 7:00?

Mmm, 7:00 will be beautiful.

Bye.

I hope you like these.

White on white,
15 1/2, 33, right?

Right.

See, I didn't have
time to change,

so Pat went out and got
a few things for me. Oh.

I thought you'd like
this stripe. Oh, boy.

Now, there's a girl that knows
how to pick out a tie for a man.

Oh.

And I thought
you'd prefer boxers.

Size 32, right?

[clears throat]
Yeah, right, right.

Well, I'm all set.

So if you girls will excuse me,

I'll make like a
quick-change artist.

Certainly.

After you.

[clears throat]

Does your husband
mind your working?

Oh, I'm not married. Oh.

You go steady?

Not since high school.

Because Donald and I,
we mostly date each other.

So I heard.

Oh. I thought maybe
you didn't... heard.

Oh, I checked.

Oh. Well... if you've
checked, then...

You've checked?

He's not married or engaged.

We're not married or engaged.

There's a big difference.

We're not married
or engaged together

because we want it that way.

You want it that way,
you'll have to take the risks.

What risks?

Well, someone might come along

who doesn't want it that way.

Someone like who?

Are you implying... Now,
just what are you try...

You just better tell me
what you're trying to say

because I'll tell you
something right now.

[door opens] I guess I won't.

Ready?

Yes, Donald.

Oh, Donald, I'm so glad that
everything is back to normal

and that awful
assignment is over.

But it's not. That's what I
was going to tell you about.

I have to go to Washington.

D.C., that is. For how long?

Only a couple of days. We
should be back by Monday.

We?

Uh, yeah, yeah. Pat and me.

I, Pat and I. [stammering]

The office decided I
needed a secretary,

and since Pat's my
secretary, the office felt that

she was the natural
one to send, naturally.

Oh.

Yeah, I'll... I'll
tell you about it.

Good night, Pat. I'll pick
you up at 8:30 in the morning.

[Pat] I'll be ready for you.

Uh, good night, Ms. Marie.

Oh, good night, Ms. Crawford.

[clears throat]

Well, honey, where do
you want to go for dinner?

Oh, nowhere fancy.

How about that
charming little place

across the street
from the White House?

So, there they are,
the two of them,

out of town together,
in the same city,

in the same hotel,

maybe even in the same room.

How do I know?

Isn't it kind of hard
to tell from here?

It doesn't really
make any difference.

Donald and I are
through, finished.

He proved that last night.

You had a fight?

Couldn't.

He was so sweet, so nice.

It was terrible.

Terrible?

All the unmistakable signs.

He was gay and charming.

The charm just oozed out of him,

and then he talked
and talked and talked.

And not once... not once
did he mention Pat's name.

What's wrong with that?

Ruthie, when she
first came to work,

all he did was talk about her.

Now he goes off to the capital

of the United States
of America with her,

and not one word?

Add that up.

But, Ann, Donald's always
been nice and sweet to you.

It's never made you mad before.

Believe me, when a
man gets that gentle,

that considerate, when he
looks at you with a cow-eye look,

it's because he
doesn't want to hurt you

and he knows that he's about to.

Well, I'm not going to let
Donald have to go through that.

Go through what?

All that difficulty, all
that embarrassment,

the pain of trying
to be gallant.

And he would, you
know? I know him.

No, the only solution is
the clean, quick break.

By the time he comes home, I'm
going to be completely out of his life.

He'll be free, I'll be free,

and we can always say that
we parted with no scenes,

no hysterics, no nothing.

Yeah, since you're
doing it all by yourself.

Doing what all by myself?

Breaking up with Don.

He doesn't even
know about it, does he?

Of course not.

I don't want him to
until it's completely over.

Finished. Forever.

But why?

Because I love him, that's why.

Oh... Oh, Ruthie,
give me a hand.

I want to pack.

You're going to move?

Of course not.

I just want to put a few
things back where they belong.

Now, let's see.

His tennis racket is in
this closet, and there's his...

Oh, his clock radio
and his picture.

And the books. We'll have
to go through them later.

And the record albums.

Now, where did
I put that sweater

I was supposed to darn?

Oh, that's in the bedroom.

Don't let me forget his
tweeter and his woofer.

Even though they were a gift,
they'd be a constant reminder.

[sobbing] His tweeter
and his woofer.

That's enough of that.

[crying]

[knocking at door]

Come in.

Hi.

Hello.

I'll, uh, just put these
pages together for you.

Thank you.

Oh, uh, excuse the slippers.

But when you sit at
a typewriter for hours,

pretty soon your legs
crave a little luxury.

Yeah, you know, we never
would have made the deadline

if it hadn't been for you.

You're a tiger.

Well, I enjoyed
every minute of it.

Working with someone you
like makes for a very nice tired.

My thoughts exactly.
Very aptly put.

And I admire you.

You're good. Very good.

[clears throat] Thank you.

I consider that
high praise, indeed.

Likeable, admirable...

and, uh, just
a little bit stuffy.

Oh, that's very male.

Very appealing.

Uh, thank you.

I appreciate it. You're welcome.

Uh, this is... this is good.

This is real... real good.

Thank you.

Is there anything
else I can do for you?

Uh...

[clears throat]

You know... [chuckles]

You know, all my life I've
wanted to be a Class-A,

number-one newspaper
man. You know what I mean?

Mind like a steel trap,
honest, uncompromising,

and absolutely
devastating with women.

[chuckling]

You're making it very tough.

I was hoping you would say that.

Yeah, right, right, right.

And this was all
part of it, too...

Washington D.C., a
high-priority assignment,

a gorgeous secretary
with great legs,

I like her, she likes me...

Who could ask for anything
more? Yeah, right. Right.

Right. Right.

But I never figured
on anything like this.

I mean, here it is.

[chuckles] And listen to me.

Sorry, baby.

I left my heart in a
second-story walk-up

with a classy little brunette
from Brewster, New York.

I really never figured on
saying anything like that.

I see.

Yeah, well, it shows you.

The best laid plans...
Well... I'm sorry.

You're sorry? How
do you think I feel?

Just in case you
change your mind

and you're ever in
the neighborhood,

the door's always open.

Well, thank you.
I appreciate it.

Such a waste. Yeah.
Yeah. [awkward laugh]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Honey?

Look, I couldn't
wait until I saw you.

I had to call you to tell you
how very proud I am of you.

Proud of me?

Did you say you
were proud of me?

I am. I want you to know I
appreciate what you've done.

Oh, how do you
know? Are you home?

I'm at the airport.

Look, honey, I knew Pat
was giving you a bad time,

but you were so great,
so understanding.

Never saying a word,
never making an issue

when you could have
made things very difficult.

I never could have
done the story,

gone away, if you
hadn't been so wonderful.

Oh, Donald... Well, I
wouldn't say I was wonderful.

I would and I do.

Thanks to you,
thanks to your faith

and understanding and trust,
everything worked out great.

Listen, honey, don't let anybody

ever tell you
you're a little girl.

You're a very
mature young woman.

Oh, well, uh...

Well, when you
get back, we'll, um...

We'll have dinner
and... But I am back.

You said you
were at the airport.

I'm at the New York airport.

I'll be at your apartment
as soon as possible.

Oh, Donald, that's terrific!

I... I certainly hope modern
travel is what they say it is.

I mean, you know, 40 minutes
from Washington to New York,

and 2 hours from
the airport to the city?

Honey, look, you don't
have to fix up for me.

Yes. Yes, I do,
Donald. I'll see you.

Oh, my gosh. Can I do it?

I've got to do it.

Oh, my gosh! I forgot
his tweeter and his woofer!

[knocking at door]

J-Just a minute!

Coming!

Here I am!

Hi.

I said it before and
I'm going to say it again.

I'm really, really proud of you.

Yeah.

Well...

in a way I'm kind
of proud of myself.

[Woman] I'll have this typed up

in a couple of days,
Mr. Hollinger, honey.

Oh, may I do
something for you, miss?

Well, yes, I'd like
to see Mr. Hollinger.

I'm Ann Marie.

Well... I'll get him
for you, darling.

Hi. Hi.

What, um, happened to Pat?

She's working for Mr. Kinsella.

Who's that?

That is Mrs. LeCompte, my new
secretary. Where did you get her?

The same pool as Pat, only I
think she's been there longer.

I certainly hope
nobody around here

thinks I picked her out for you.

Why would anyone think that?

Well, when you think
about the perfect secretary,

that's exactly what
every wife and girlfriend

secretly has in mind.

Mrs. LeCompte, I'm going
to take Ms. Marie to lunch.

Oh, fine. Enjoy yourselves.

Thank you. You're
welcome, lovey.

You should wear a sweater.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA