That Girl (1966–1971): Season 3, Episode 10 - The Seventh Time Around - full transcript

[door buzzes]

I'm here and on time,

which only proves that
women are sometimes

and men are not always.

Ann, finish the
sentence, please.

On time. Thank you.

Don't you know you
can drive a writer crazy

by not finishing sentences?

I'm sorry. How can
you shave like that

without a mirror?

I remember my face.



Ow! Not very well.
You missed a spot.

Put your finger on it. There.

You must've been
working very late.

Six hours on one interview,

but it was fascinating.

Hmm. Six hours
interviewing just one woman.

How'd you know it was a woman?

Can't think of anything else

that would fascinate
you that long.

When you're right, you're right.

Who is she?

Margaret Weatherby.

Who?

Margaret Weatherby.
She's a Lady.



How'd you find out?

I saw a picture of
her late husband...

Lord Weatherby.

[chuckling] Oh.
That kind of a Lady.

What are you doing?
I'm gonna tie your tie.

Have you ever tied a tie?

No, but I watched my
father do it millions of times.

It can't be that complicated.

What do you mean,
"That kind of a lady"?

I mean it's a title,
not a testimonial.

Ah. Do you know how
old Trixie Weatherby is?

Oh! Trixie Weatherby!

She's very rich!

That's the one. Do you
know how old she is?

What's so fascinating about her?

For openers, try $53 million.

That's pretty fascinating.

You know, there are two things
that women should never do...

Get mixed up in
politics and tie ties.

Lots of woman are
mixed up in politics.

And very successfully.

Okay, make that one thing
women should never do.

So, you met the fascinating,
rich, and gorgeous

Trixie Weatherby.

[chuckles] Honey, do
you know how old she is?

What difference does it make

when you're fascinating,
rich, and gorgeous?

She must be 70 years old.

You're not serious. I am.

I read somewhere that
she was married four times.

Six.

Are you sure she's 70,
or does she just look 70?

Honey, I never
met anyone like her.

She's been everywhere,
done everything.

I'll bet.

First I'm a lousy shaver,
now I can't even tie a tie.

I wonder if I should start
questioning my masculinity.

I suggests further tests.

[door buzzes]

Would you mind getting that?

You just failed the
old doorbell test.

Mr. Hollinger?

Maybe we should
discuss my femininity.

Oh, I'm sorry, lady.

[chuckling] Oh, that's okay.

This is Mr. Hollinger's
apartment.

Uh, well, this package is
for him. Would you sign for it?

Oh, sure. Oh, my gosh.

Thank you.

Okay.

Um, uh... It's just
that, um... Mmhh...

Okay.

Thank you. Yeah.

Donald!

What's this?

According to reliable sources,

it's a package.

For me?

Well, we've already established

that I'm not Mr. Hollinger.

Who's it from?

Trixie Weatherby!

Aw, now, why did
that sweet old lady

send me a package?

Listen to this.

"Thanks for everything. Love..."

and it's signed... "That Girl"!

♪♪ [show theme]

Donald. Why would "That Girl"
send you a set of golf clubs?

[whistles]

Aluminum shafts!

Is that good?

The best made!

Donald, why would
"That Girl" send you

the best set of golf clubs made?

Honey, I told you. She's
a nice, sweet old lady.

Well, nice, sweet old
ladies don't send golf clubs

to nice young men they just met.

Why not?

Well, it just doesn't seem nice.

And besides, what's
this "That Girl" business?

I thought you said she
was in her seventies.

She is.

Well, then she
hasn't been a girl

for a couple of months now.

Honey, that's just her
way of referring to herself.

Oh, yeah? Well, it
still doesn't explain

why she'd send you an
expensive set of golf clubs.

Uh, look, honey.
During the interview,

she mentioned that
she was a golf buff.

And I said I like to play

but that my game
wasn't very good

and that my clubs were very old.

Oh, Donald! You've said
that to me a hundred times,

and I never felt the urge to
buy you a set of golf clubs.

I've been aware of that.

But I never could
really afford...

Honey. Look,

Trixie made a big
deal about the fact

that she'd been married six
times, but didn't have any children.

So, you know, she
probably thinks of me

as the son she never had.

Son?

Of course.

You really think so?

Honey, what else could it be?

Look, she's just
a sweet old lady

with a little too much money

and not enough
people to spend it on.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

And you know if
I could, I would.

Finish.

Buy you golf clubs.

That means more to
me than anything else.

[telephone rings]

Sometimes I wish
Alexander Graham Bell [ring]

had gone into another
line of work. [ring]

Hello.

Uh, oh, hello, Lady Weatherby.

Oh, of course.
Trixie. [chuckles]

Yeah. They just
arrived, and... and listen,

I can't thank you enough. But...
But you really shouldn't have.

Uh, tonight?

Uh, well, I, uh... I
have... I have a date.

Uh... well, would...
Just a minute.

She wants us to
have dinner with her.

She's got some kind of project
she wants to discuss with me.

I'll bet.

Uh... uh, thanks.
We'll be right there.

Earl! [ringing bell]

[ringing bell]

Madam called?

You can get rid
of the plates, Earl.

Certainly, madam.

Is there anything
more madam wishes?

Madam wishes some more coffee

when you get around
to it, and you can check

on what anybody else wishes.

Very well, madam.

[giggles]

He certainly is British.

Oh. Well, they make
the best butlers.

I used an ex-fighter once,
but every time I rang the bell,

he threw a punch at the cook.

[loudly] Ah, ha ha ha ha ha!

[chuckles]

Uh, isn't that funny,
honey? [chuckles]

Oh, yes. [forces a chuckle]

I'll tell you, Trixie's led

a very interesting life.

Interesting?

Some of it's been
downright unmentionable!

You know I've been
married six times...

up until now.

Up until now?

Oh, I can't stand being single,

goin' out one
night with one guy,

the next night, another one.

I believe in marriage.

I don't care what it
costs. It's worth it.

I've had the
greatest togetherness

any woman's ever had.

Six different kinds...

Six different times, naturally.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[chuckles]

[forces a chuckle]

[coughs]

Slap her on the back.

Six dandy husbands.

Every single one
of 'em a beauty.

A senator, a judge,
a short-order cook...

François, the Chicken
King. You heard of him.

Oh, yes! I read a story about
him in a magazine one time.

I saw a picture of him.
He looked kind of...

uh, young.

Well, they're the best kind.

When they're pushing 40,

they're set in their ways...

stomach trouble.
After my first husband,

Lord Weatherby,
who was very old,

and, uh... very rich...

I learned to concentrate
on the young ones.

Oh. [laughs]

[coughs]

[coughing] Excuse me.

Excuse me.

You're excused.

Anyway... my fourth husband

was a nice young
baseball player.

I bought him from the Yankees.

You bought him?

I made him a better
offer than the Giants.

Does that shock you?

Oh! Well... A l-little.

Okay. We'd better
change the subject.

I'll tell you about all the rest of
my husbands another time. Don?

I want to talk
business with you.

Okay if I borrow him
for a few minutes?

Oh! Sure.

[Ann chuckles]

[door closes]

I beg your pardon, miss.

Would you care
for anything more?

Oh! Oh, no, thank you.

I... I was just looking
at the paintings.

Ah, yes, miss.

They're very beautiful.

But what are they?

Several of Lady
Weatherby's estates.

This one is in Spain.

This, England.

Switzerland.

And... M'gumba.

M'gumba?

An island in the South Pacific.

Oh. Lady Weatherby owns it.

Oh, my.

I like this one the best.

Ah, yes. That is
Wickshire Castle.

It holds many happy
memories for me.

Oh, really? Did you
used to work there?

Uh, no, miss. It was mine.

I am the Earl of Wickshire.

Oh. [chuckles]

N-Nice to meet you.

It's my pleasure, I assure you.

Excuse me.

♪♪ [harpsichord
plays royalty theme]

Guess he didn't get a
very good price for it.

Well, what'd you
think of Trixie?

Very interesting.

Did you know one of her husbands

climbed Mt. Everest?

Mmm. Why didn't she
buy him an elevator?

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

Honey, Trixie wants a
book written about her life.

She thinks I may
be the writer to do it.

That's what she wanted
to talk to me about.

Ohhh!

Well, you don't
sound too enthused.

That project could
mean great things to me.

I'll bet!

What are you doin'?

Tidying up.

It's almost midnight.

Dust can't tell time.

Ann, what's wrong with you?

What's wrong with me?

I'll tell you what's
wrong with me.

That woman's wrong with me.

She's the most corrupt
person I've ever met

in my life.

She's also completely
honest about it,

so I can't really
dislike her for it.

Now, I know she's supposed
to think of you as a son, Donald,

but frankly, she's the most
unmaternal woman I can imagine.

I... I don't think there's
such a word as "unmaternal."

Don't you flaunt your
dictionary at me, Donald.

I'm trying to tell
you how I feel.

Well, what does that have to do

with pushing a carpet
sweeper around at midnight?

I'm upset, and when I'm upset,

I've got to do
something physical.

All right, honey, maybe
Trixie doesn't fit your idea

of motherhood, but
I'll tell you something.

She reminds me very
much of my grandmother.

Well, that should come as
shocking news to your grandfather.

Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

You're jealous! You're jealous

of that sweet old lady!

I am not jealous!

And that "sweet old
lady" is not so sweet.

You know, you're
acting very silly.

Am I? Am I?

Very.

Trixie Weatherby is
an interesting character.

As a writer, I am interested
in interesting characters.

As a man... I am
interested in you.

♪♪ [romantic
version of theme song]

Now what is it?

I have an urge to do
something very physical,

and at this hour of the night,

I think I'd better
stick to the sweeper.

Okay, Don. Start explaining.

I am ready for an explanation,

and I want it explained
to my satisfaction,

so go ahead, explain yourself.

If you're talking about the
promotion I got and you didn't,

it's probably because
you're redundant.

Why you? Why not me? Even us?

"Newsview's foreign
correspondent."

How does it feel?

Well, Jerry, it's... it's
still a little hard to believe.

Oh, if I'd gotten the job,
I'd believe it in a minute.

I ju... I suppose
you got a raise, too?

Double my old salary.

Disgusting!

Congratulations.

[chuckles] Thanks,
buddy. Thanks a lot.

You don't seem too, uh...

choked up about it.

Well, I'll be gone a lot,
Jerry, and I'm not sure

about being away from
Ann for months at a time.

Yeah, I know that'd bother me.

Ruthie I could stay
away from for years,

but... I'd miss Ann.

Hmm. I don't know, Jerry.
I'm very leery about telling her.

I don't know how
she's gonna take it.

Forget Ann. Worry about
how I'm gonna take it.

In fact, I'm on my way right now

to throw myself
down the escalator.

Jerry. What?

This building doesn't
have an escalator.

Oh.

You know... you may
have just put your finger

on why you got
the job and I didn't.

Hold it. Hold it.

It's my turn. I
know it's your turn.

I feel like making a
deal. No more deals.

You already conned me
out of Rockefeller Center

for that worthless
desert property.

That worthless desert property
happens to be Palm Springs.

Who needs it? No more deals.

5.2, 3, 4, 5.

"Try your luck."

"Sell all your possession,
say good-bye to your friends,

and take a boat to Europe. You've
just been made a foreign correspondent."

Oh, I don't want to play
this stupid game anymore.

Oh, come on, honey. We
decided not to talk about it.

How can we not talk about it

when even that stupid
game talks about it?

Okay. You want to talk
about it, we'll talk about it.

Well, I guess there's
really nothing to talk about.

I mean, you got a big
raise and a big promotion.

We should be happy.

That's it! Happy!

Now I'm unhappy.

Look, it's not as if I'm
gonna be gone forever.

Well, it's almost
better if you were.

At least that I
could get used to.

Ann. Well, you know what I mean.

No, I'm not sure I do.

Well, this way, you go away,

and just as I'm getting used to
you being away, you come home.

And just as I get really used
to having you home again,

you go away.

Well, I guess that's
the price you pay

for being in love with a foreign
correspondent. [chuckles]

Donald. Just
promise me one thing.

Uh! Now, look, don't
give that another thought.

Don't give what another thought?

The European girls.

I wasn't thinking
about European girls.

Why would you be thinking
about European girls...

unless you were thinking
about European girls?

Ann.

I'm sorry, Donald.
I'm acting like a child.

I love you.

And you really won't be
away, I mean, that much.

For as little as possible.

And when you're home, we'll
spend all of our time together.

Starting right now.

Hey. Why don't you have
lunch with me tomorrow?

Okay... providing you have
dinner with me tomorrow night.

It's a deal.

I feel a lot better now.

Wanna play that stupid
game again? Why not?

Come on. It's my turn.

Okay. Roll.

9.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.

"Pot Luck."

"Advance token to
nearest steamship line.

"You are going on
a... long voyage."

[tearfully] See what I mean?

Hi.

Hi. Hi! You ready for lunch?

Yeah, just as soon
as I drop this off

at the editors. You make
yourself comfortable.

I'll be right back.

Well, hurry. I'm starved. Okay.

Well, what do your think

of our new foreign
correspondent?

I'm crazy about him.

I gathered that.

I was wondering what you
thought about his new job.

Oh! Oh, I... I think it's a
marvelous break for Donald.

I wish he'd never gotten it.

Funny. I had exactly
the same feelings,

but for very different reasons.

[chuckles]

"The American in Switzerland"?

Yeah. Don's boning up on the
places he'll be corresponding from.

Mmm.

"England, Land of Kings."

"A Visitor's Guide to Spain."

Are those the countries
Donald's going to?

Uh, on his first trip.

Hmm.

Switzerland, England, Spain.

That's not right.

Spain, England... Switzerland.

That's right.

There's something missing.

Spain, England, Switzerland.

M'gumba. Gesundheit.

Spain, England,
Switzerland, and M'gumba!

Ann, what are you talking about?

Jerry, just tell me something.

Would it be possible
for a very rich person,

say a very rich person
like a Trixie Weatherby,

to bribe the publishers
of Newsview magazine

into giving someone
a new assignment?

Impossible. Trixie Weatherby
couldn't bribe the publisher.

Trixie Weatherby
is the publisher.

What?

Trixie Weatherby
owns and publishes

Newsview magazine.

Come on, starving
lady. I'll buy you lunch.

Donald Hollinger!

You never said a word,
and you knew! Finish.

That Trixie Weatherby is
the publisher of this magazine

that just happened to
give you a new assignment

that just happens to take
you to all the places she owns.

You know Trixie Weatherby!

I was gonna tell you about that.

How, by writing me
a letter in M'gumbian?

Ann, I know what
you're thinking.

I don't. Ann, what
are you thinking?

Donald, she gave you this job

so that she could...
have you around.

That's not true!

Of course! I see it all now.

Look, I got this job because
I was the best qualified for it.

My friendship with
Trixie has nothing

to do with it.

Your friendship with Trixie!

Someday you may have gotten
this job on your own, Donald.

But not this time. This time
it's just not your job, Donald.

This time it's Trixie's.

Politics.

I knew I could've
gotten that job...

if it weren't for politics.

[knock at door]

Hello. Honey, I think it's time

you and Trixie
have a little girl talk.

Oh?

I'll come right to the point.

[snickers] Yeah, I kind
of thought you would.

I've been married six times.

Five of my ex-husbands

have done pretty
good for themselves.

Yeah. I guess so.

Why not Don?

Why not Don what?

What why not Don?

Yeah, yeah, I know...

Older lady with a young guy. So?

You want Donald to marry you?!

I can give him
anything he wants.

Why interfere? I love him!

What's that got to do with
it? What can you give him?

Well... children.

What about 'em?

Well, Donald's very fond
of children, you know.

And... And besides, c-could
you give him children?

Are you kiddin'?!

I support three orphanages.

Oh, look, what are
we even talking about?

You already won.
You got him this job

that... that takes him away from
me and keeps him close to you.

That's just the thing.
He didn't take the job.

He turned it down.

He did?

That's why I thought
we ought to make a deal.

You're an actress. You
want to be a star, right?

I'll buy it for you!

Are you asking
me to sell Donald?

Well, I'm too romantic
to think about it that way,

but... if it's the only
way to get him...

No deal.

Stop thinkin' about yourself.

Think about him.

He's given up a great
opportunity for you.

That's very flattering, Trixie,

but Donald does
what he thinks is right.

Well, what's right and what's good
for Donald are two different things.

Look, I don't even want
to discuss this anymore.

Ya sure we can't do business?

Positive.

Okay, okay.

At my age, I can't afford

to waste time arguing with kids.

There're other fish in the sea.

I'll be runnin' along while I
still have bait on my hook.

Good-bye, Trixie.

This'll be an
experience I won't forget.

That's one of the good
things about getting older.

By tomorrow, I'll
forget everything.

So long, honey.

[chuckles]

Donald!

Oh, Donald!

Ohh!

Mmhh! Mmhh! Mmhh!

[laughs] Oh, Donald, you
make me feel so happy

and so proud.

I feel just like a
Duchess of Windsor.

I'm not sure
that's a good thing.

You know what I mean.

The Duke gave up a whole
kingdom for the woman he loved,

and you gave up a big
promotion and a raise and...

Oh, honey. Ann. What?

Look, I want to
be honest with you.

[chuckles] You don't get to play

the Duchess of
Windsor in this one.

I don't?

No. Look, honey, I... I turned down
Trixie and her job for one reason...

Professional pride.

You were right. I couldn't
have been happy in that job

unless I was absolutely certain
I had made it on my own ability.

I don't get to be your
Duchess of Windsor?

Mmm.

Maybe next time.

But you can be my
Betty Sue Sulinski.

Who's Betty Sue Sulinski?

A girl I used to love.

In fact, I loved her so much,

I gave up something
very important.

Oh, yeah? What'd you give
up for Betty Sue Sulinski?

The dead frog I used
to carry in my lunchbox.

[both chuckle]

I'll change my shirt,
and we'll go to dinner.

Okay.

Here, honey. Why
don't you sort the mail

while I change.

We're not even engaged,

and already I'm doing
the crummy little jobs.

Just sort the mail.

You may find a love
note from an old flame.

There's something
from Trixie Weatherby.

Oh, yeah? Open it.

Oh, no. I think you ought
to be the one to open it.

No, you open it.

[speaking formally]
"Lady Margaret Weatherby

"proudly announces
her recent marriage

"to Wendell Holmesby Smythe,

the Earl of Wickshire."

Well, what do you know.

She finally found herself
another young fella.

And with a title, yet.

Wendell Holmesby
Smythe is no boy.

How do you know?

Well, look at him!

Where is he?

In the kitchen, probably.

Oh, but I'm happy for him.

He's gonna get
the old house back.

Come on, Donald, let's go.

What kitchen? What house?
What are you talking about?

Trixie's butler, the
Earl of Wickshire.

Honestly, Donald,
don't you listen?

No. No, that's my
trouble. I don't listen.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA