That Girl (1966–1971): Season 3, Episode 9 - Just Donald and Me and Jerry Makes Three - full transcript

I can't believe it. Well,
honey, these things happen.

Yeah, but not to people
like Jerry and Ruth Bauman.

Look, let's not
exaggerate the whole thing.

It was just an argument.
They'll work it out.

I don't know.

Honey, every married couple
in the world has arguments.

Donald, that wasn't
just an argument.

That was a fight. Ann,
it was an argument.

Donald, it was obvious...
All right, look. Wait.

Let's not get into an argument
over somebody else's argument.

Fight. And I'm surprised that
you're not taking it more seriously.



Why? It was over whether or not

Jerry should have sour
cream on his baked potatoes.

Right there you've
got an indication

of how serious it all was.

I don't really follow
that line of thought.

It may have all started out

with a baked potato
and some sour cream,

but those things are obviously
symptomatic of deeper difficulties.

Oh.

I mean, it's a question
of what they stand for.

They stand for fat.

Jerry is getting overweight

and that's what
Ruth is objecting to.

It's very unhealthy.



Right! Absolutely right!

So obviously their marriage
isn't very important to Jerry.

He doesn't care enough
about Ruthie to stay alive.

In my opinion, she
was making a mountain

out of a molehill.

Jerry's stomach.

[door buzzer]

No? Okay.

Oh, Ruthie, hi! Come on in.

We were just talking about you.

Whatever it was,
it's probably true.

Not necessarily.

I just wanted to apologize
for embarrassing everybody.

Oh, Ruthie, forget it.

Everybody argues.

Well, there'll be
no more arguments.

Jerry and I are in
complete agreement.

Oh, that's great.

We're going to get a divorce.

See, I told you
they'd work it out.

Divorce?

I guess that comes as a shock.

I don't suppose anybody
realized or guessed

how serious it all was...

[suppressing sobs] until now.

Well, I... I admit you
certainly had me fooled,

but not that girl.

♪♪ [theme music]

I'm still in a state of shock.

I can't believe
it. It's the truth.

You and Jerry getting a divorce.

One out of four; it's
a national statistic.

But you and Jerry.

I mean, you're so
right for each other.

Ruth and Jerry... that
has a real ring to it.

Francine and Jerry,
Amanda and Jerry,

Geraldine and Jerry.

Ruth and Frank,
Ruth and William,

Ruth and Eustace.

Eustace?

See? Heaven intended
it to be Ruth and Jerry.

Thanks, Ann, but it's no use.

You know, you haven't
even told me why.

It's a terrible thing for a
woman to have to admit to,

but he doesn't love me anymore.

How do you know that?

I mean, aside from the fact that he
ate a baked potato with sour cream.

That's symptomatic of
deeper difficulties, Ann.

Are you sure you're not making
a mountain out of a molehill?

I mean, Jerry's stomach.

I didn't think it
was funny either.

Believe me, Ann,
it's the only way.

Well, I'd better get
going or I'll miss my train.

At least let me drive
you to the station.

No, I'd rather not.

Well... you're leaving.

I'm leaving.

For Buffalo.

You have to go someplace,
and my parents live there.

But can you be happy in Buffalo?

It's better than Rochester.

Donald, we have
to talk about it.

Don't you care what
happens to Ruthie and Jerry?

Of course I do.

I'm just not so sure about
the other 5,198 people

at Radio City Music Hall.

Do you think we disturbed them?

Well, we did get a
nice hand when we left.

Ann, you're beginning
to show all the signs.

What signs?

You're going to interfere.

That thought never
occurred to me.

Yes, it did.

Well, because it's ridiculous.

I mean, they belong together

and somebody has to
point that out to them.

A marriage counselor,
a man of the cloth,

his mother, her
mother, but not us.

We risk losing their
friendship forever

if we start taking sides.

Well, I disagree. Why?

Donald, I have a
woman's intuition.

You're dealing strictly from
logic and common sense.

[door buzzer]

Jerry. Hi!

Thought I'd drop by.

Oh, sure. Come on in.

How are you?

Oh, just fine. Just fine.

I've been driving
by all night, actually,

but I guess you were out.

Oh, yeah. We went to a movie.

Oh, that's... that's
great. It's wonderful.

You could actually go to a
movie and forget my problems.

[Ann] We certainly did not.

In fact, I've been
thinking about it, Jerry,

and what I think
you ought to do is...

Is, uh, find a way to
work it out yourselves

because we love you, Jerry.

More than Ruth?

Just as much.

Exactly the same. Oh, good.

I'm glad because I
wouldn't want you to think

I wasn't strong
enough to stand alone.

I was just saying to
myself this morning,

"Stand up, Jerry Bauman.
Walk tall, Jerry Bauman.

"A fine figure of
a man like you.

Maybe one or two pounds over,
but still in his prime, right?" Right.

Right. [Jerry] Ah, so I'm fine.

I'm... I'm glad I'm fine.
Look, these things happen.

Life goes on.

Oh, it was great
fun while it lasted.

A trip to the moon
on gossamer wings.

[wheezes]

[sobbing] My Ruthie left me.

I know. I know, Jerry.

[Woman] Donald?

Oh, hi, Gloria.

Hi. Hey, have you seen Jerry?

He went out for a while. Why?

I heard he was wounded in action

and I thought he might like
a little first aid up at my place.

[clears throat] Uh, well,
Gloria, I'll give him the message,

but I don't think
Jerry's ambulatory yet.

Oh, okay, thanks. Bye-bye.

[phone ringing]

Hello. Don Hollinger here.

[mimics Donald's voice]
Hello, Ann Marie here.

How's it going?

Well, Jerry's out walking
around somewhere.

He's been pretty useless all day,
but I guess that's understandable.

Aw. Maybe we ought to
invite him over for dinner.

Honey, to be perfectly honest,
and just a little bit selfish,

I've had him on my neck all day.

Let's have dinner alone, and maybe
we can get together with him later.

Okay. Why don't you
come over about 7:00?

We'll have candlelight
and spaghetti.

Bye.

Hi.

Hi. I've been walking all night.

You've only been
gone half an hour.

Seems like all night.

I've been walking down
by the lake in Central Park.

The deep part, where
even the swans don't go.

Jerry... You're right.

I'm annoying you.

No, no, wait a minute.
You're not annoying me.

No, you have
your own life to live.

And so do you.

Me? [laughs]

I have no life to live.

Ruth has a life to live.

Ann has a life to live.
Name anyone in this building.

Morton Futterman.

In typesetting, on
the seventh floor?

Yeah.

Morton Futterman
has a life to live.

But Jerry Bauman
has no life to live.

Jerry... what are you
gonna do for dinner?

Oh, don't worry about me.

What do I need? A can
of beans, a crust of bread.

[sighs] How about
candlelight and spaghetti?

So, you see, I could be
picky and find fault too.

But the... Ann?

Don? Oh. Sorry, Jerry. Sorry.

Were you awake for the part where
her cooking was not that marvelous?

You mean her cleaning.

You missed it. I'll start over.

Wait, wait... Wait a minute,
Jerry. It's getting late.

What do you say we call
it an evening? Yeah, right.

I think a good night's sleep
would be a big help to all of us.

Sleep. Huh, ho, ho.

Did you ever try
to sleep in a room

that smells like Ruth
from one end to the other?

Can't say that I have.

Oh, Jerry. It's a
new wound. It'll heal.

Now why don't you
go on home? Go on.

Oh, you have no idea how
good that woman could smell.

Well, just try and
not think about it.

Okay. Okay.

Don't make me go in there
alone. Give me a break.

Just a minute, Jerry.

[softly] Don. Oh,
Donald, please.

Just take him home with
you for tonight at least.

Honey, that's
interfering. Not really.

Just think of yourself as the
Red Cross at a disaster area.

[knocking] Lunch, anyone?

It would be a pleasure... if
"anyone" means strictly you and me.

What happened last night?

Jerry complained until dawn.

You'll feel better after
you've had something to eat.

I made a reservation for a dark,
secluded table at Le Petit Clair.

Hey. Hey, now that's
some fancy lunching.

Well, these days we have to
take our moments when we can.

Oh, am I interrupting anything?

Oh, no, of course not.
Oh, no. Certainly not.

Uh, you going anywhere?

No. Yes.

Yes. No.

I thought you might
be ready for lunch.

Lunch? Lunch?

I want to take you to
show my appreciation

for everything you've done.

[chuckles] Oh! Well. Well.

Well, actually, Jerry, Ann's
got a few things she has to do.

Yeah, and Donald promised
to help me do them. Yeah.

Well, go ahead and do
whatever you have to do. I'll wait.

You'll wait?

I won't eat till you come back.

Well, gee, uh...

Donald, I don't think we have
to do all those things today.

Yeah. Well, yeah, fine.

Okay, um, sure, we'd be delighted
to have lunch with you, Jerry.

Great. Where will we eat?

Well, gee, how about a
nice, dark, secluded place,

like Le Petit Clair? Oh.

What an interesting idea.
It was Ruth's favorite place.

This was very
sweet of you, Jerry.

It was a terrific lunch.

Last time we were here,
we sat at the... next table.

Jerry, try not to
get too emotional.

Oh, I'm fine. I'm
great. I've adjusted.

Don't worry about me. A
man can mourn for just so long.

Excuse me, madam. Thank you.

Excuse me, sir. [sighs]

[moaning] Jerry, what is it?

[sobs]

What's wrong,
Jerry? Baked apple.

What's the matter with it?

It was her favorite!

I'm sorry, but... [sobbing]

L'addition, monsieur. Thank you.

Jerry seems to have lost
everything but his sense of timing.

I never thought he'd do it
to us: his two best friends.

What? The old
baked apple routine.

Ann, will you hurry up?
I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying.

If we don't get going, he's gonna
come over here again, you know that.

Oh, sure, it's
easy for you to say.

A girl's got a lot
of things to do.

Well, grab it. Well, sure.
All you have to do is just

put everything into a couple
of pockets, and that's that.

We've got things to decide. What
color lipstick, what eye shadow...

Hurry! [door buzzer]

Oh. Look, not now.

Don't answer it. [buzzer]

How can you not answer
it? By doing something else.

[buzzing]

This is killing me.
I'll kill you. Shh.

[buzzing] But Donald,
he's out there, waiting.

Counting on us. Listen, we've
seen twice as much of him

as Ruthie ever did, and
she's getting a divorce.

He want away. Aw, Donald.

Honey, it's for his sake
too. Remember that.

Now let's get going
while the going's good.

Oh! [chuckles]

You are home.

Jerry, what are
you doing up there?

I... I was gonna leave a note.

Up there?

Yeah, I wanted to see if I
could get it under the door,

or whether the
carpet's too high.

Hey, you're home.

Well, we were just leaving.

How come you didn't
hear me ring the bell?

Huh? I was shaving
ice in the kitchen.

Yeah, I was sharpening
pencils in the closet.

Oh? Well, uh, what
do you want, Jerry?

Oh. I wanted to know, can
you perk just one cup of coffee?

Oh, for heaven's sakes,
will you come on in?

I've got some
coffee on the stove.

It's been days and nights.

I know, I know. We're never
gonna get a free moment again.

Well, he'll get
over it, eventually.

Have you seen any indication
that he intends to get over it?

Well, no. I, on the other
hand, intend to get over it,

and right now.

Jerry. Jerry, you and I
are gonna have a little talk.

Please. You've done enough. I know,
and now you have to do something for us.

Anything, buddy.
Anything. Jerry... Jerry, look.

Leave us alone. Look, it's
not that we don't sympathize.

It's not that we don't
love you like a brother.

It's just that I think I
would like to spend

a moment alone with
my girl from time to time.

You're right. I mean, we haven't
had one single, solitary moment

to ourselves since this terrible
tragedy happened to the three of us.

Despicable. I am
despicable. Oh, no, look, Jerry.

Not real... I mean,
it's understandable.

I thought of myself only. Look,
we just thought, once in a while,

you know, a few spare moments.

You know who does a thing
like this? No, no, look. It's all right.

Hitler! No, no, wait.

Wait a minute. Look, Jerry.

I don't want you to
have any hard feelings.

Hard feelings?

Forgive me. Forgive
my trespasses.

Forgive my trespassing.

Well, you did it. I did it.

I hope you did it nicely.
Well, of course I did it nicely.

You did it so fast!
What did you say to him?

I just told him we'd like
to be alone occasionally.

I hope you didn't
say it that abruptly.

Honey, that was the only
way to get the point across.

What? To tell him that nobody
cares anything about him?

I didn't put it that way. Well, what
other impression could he get?

Suppose he does
something desperate?

Jerry just thinks desperate.
He doesn't do desperate.

Yeah, well, something
could just snap, Donald.

I think we'd better do
something before he does.

Like what?

You made up our
minds not to interfere,

and we haven't
interfered, right? Right.

And as a result, our two
best friends are still estranged.

And we're definitely getting
a little testy with each other.

What do you suggest?

I suggest that we give up
our well-intentioned resolution,

which is making everybody's
life miserable, and...

Interfere?

Interfere.

I think it's really great
that you would call me.

All I'm saying is, it can't
be any big surprise to you.

I mean, life goes on.

It can go on without every
night making whoopee.

Well, it's just that Jerry's
such an attractive man.

Jerry? You know, you just
don't leave a Jerry Bauman

running around loose.

My Jerry Bauman?

Look, Ruthie, I
don't want to gossip...

I mean, I haven't actually
seen any women going into

your old apartment,
but I'm sure you realize

it's probably just
a matter of time.

My old apartment?

So, uh, listen.

Have you decided on
Reno or the Virgin Islands?

Okay, bye-bye.

That was Ann.
She talked to Ruth.

The phone must have been off
the hook when you called last night.

She says she definitely got
home by 2:00, 2:30 at the latest.

Oh, great. Well,
Jerry, you know,

you don't leave a Ruth
Bauman running around loose.

My Ruth Bauman? Yes.

She's probably swingi"
around someplace.

You know how women
are when they hold it inside

and then they turn it loose.

There was a psychologist.
Yeah. A good, steady business.

People are always getting
sick. She used to go with him,

this fella... Had
little, beady eyes.

He's probably on something.
Yeah, you know how they are.

Especially in a swingin'
town like Buffalo.

I bet he was on something.

What does it mean
when you have tiny pupils?

You're a kindergarten
teacher? [laughs]

I'm sorry. Jerry, look.

Pal, you're gonna have to start
goin' your own way, that's all.

[door opens] What
do you say? Lookit.

Uh, why not?

Uh, Gloria? Did
you call me, Jerry?

Oh, hiya, lover
baby. How are ya...

How are you doin'? Fine.

How are you doin'? Just fine.

Are... are you ready
for a little "S and S"?

I don't know. What is it?

Scotch and sympathy.

Well, the answer to your
question is, of course. [chuckles]

Maybe not right away.

But w... I could call you.

Okay.

Listen, Jerry, why don't you come
over to Ann's with me for dinner?

Oh, no. I made a solemn oath

that I don't want to
bug you anymore.

We want you to.

No.

We insist.

Well, I do have a few
buttons that need sewing.

Well, I hadn't planned on
staying in Buffalo indefinitely.

Anyway, that Jerry.

Now, look, I didn't say
to come running back.

I mean, there's nothing certain.

Not that it matters.
Through is through. Right.

All that business because I
happened to express an opinion

about his physical
condition. Right.

I have been through too
much. It's too much. Absolutely.

I wouldn't take Jerry Bauman back if he
were crawling on his hands and knees.

Well, I may not be ready
for Gloria, but I'm doin' fine.

Anyway, who says you
have to start with Gloria?

You could always start
with a flat-chested girl. Right.

You don't just go right in the
major leagues, right? Right.

And I wouldn't take back
what's-her-name now if she begged me.

♪♪ [love theme from
"Romeo and Juliet"]

Jerry! Ruth.

Jerry! Oh, Jerry!
Ruth! Oh, Ruth!

I don't care what.

I'll never leave you again.

You'll never have to.

You can criticize all
you want. I don't want to.

I'll join a gym. I'll work out.

I'll feed you cheesecake for
dinner: cream cheesecake.

No, no. I'll give up dinner.
I'll eat every other day.

A little salad, watercress
sandwiches with the crust removed...

I'll be anything you
want me to be. Oh, Jerry!

You do love me.

Ruth... you smell so good!

Well? Well, now you're
stuck with a dinner for four.

Don't you believe it. I only
cooked for you and me.

Pretty cocky. And
I learned one thing.

What's that? When your
friends are doing stupid things,

don't treat them like
independent, mature adults

who have the right to make
their own mistakes. Right.

Just butt in. Just butt
right in and take over.

Don't ask any
questions, just butt...

Hey! Well, it's been a while.

[chuckles]

[laughing] This
was so nice of you.

Oh, it was our pleasure.

No, no. On top of everything, to
take us out to dinner. [whistles]

Oh, don't give it
another thought.

Well, I do. And the meal
you ordered, too much.

[sobbing] Baked apples.

[sobbing] Baked apples!

[together] Baked apples!

[both crying]

I'm sorry, but it's...
It's baked apples.

[both sobbing]

What was that?

I think I just got
stuck with the check.

Oh, Jerry, you shouldn't let
him get away with it. No, it's okay.

The trouble with
you, Jerry Bauman,

you let people take
advantage of you.

[giggling]

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA