That Girl (1966–1971): Season 3, Episode 12 - Decision Before Dawn - full transcript

Ann receives notification that she has a residual check from an acting job down at the union office. She's expecting it to be a minimal amount in the realm of a couple of dollars. So she's shocked when she finds out it is for $743.62, which she believes makes her independently wealthy. When those around her bring her back down to earth in the realization that she can't yet retire, Ann receives a myriad of suggestions on what to do with her minor windfall. Her father thinks she should invest in stocks. Her mother thinks she should make a cultural investment in a piano. And Donald thinks she should travel. Ann, who has a sleepless night thinking about the issue, comes to the conclusion that she needs a new bed. But she also wants to please her loved ones by taking their advice. In achieving all these goals, what Ann decides to do with the money results in a slightly schizophrenic life and apartment, which ends up more closely resembling Grand Central Station.

[typing]

Excuse me, but am I at the
right place for residual checks?

Right. Oh, good. Thank you.

You're holding a
residual for Ann Marie.

Not that I expect very much.

Last time, all I got was $1.60.

Did you get written notice?

Oh, no. But my name appeared
in Screen Actors Guild Magazine,

in an article entitled "We Are
Holding Residual Checks For."

And then they listed a
number of artists' names,

of which mine was
third in the column.



How do you spell
that? C-O-L-U-M-N.

First name?

Ann. Ann Marie.

Ann Marie Column.

Oh, no! Just Ann Marie.

What's Column?

Well, uh, that's a lot
of words piled together

in a long, skinny thing.

What's your full name, Miss?

Oh, oh. [chuckles] I
see what you mean.

It's, um, Ann Marie. M-A-R-I-E.

And do you know
the name of the show?

Well, I'm not sure, but it could be
Woman in Love, the daytime serial.

That's it. I played a nurse.



I didn't see it.

Well, it was very good.

Aren't you gonna open it?

Actually, for $1.60, I
can afford to be casual.

Can I help you?

Yes, there's a check was supposed
to be mailed to me last week.

[Ann screams]

Who screamed? I
think it was that girl.

♪♪ [theme song]

[champagne cork pops]

Champagne?

What's the mystery?

I'm as much in
the dark as you are.

Surprises always
make me nervous.

They certainly do.

You should've seen his face

when I told him Ann
Marie was on her way.

When?

Originally.

It's been nothing but one
surprise after another ever since.

All right, everybody.

I told you this was gonna
be an auspicious occasion.

Champagne. What are you
gonna do? Launch a boat?

A boat. Now there's something
that hadn't occurred to me.

Donald, will you please
pour? My pleasure.

The reason I have called
you all here this evening

is because I have a very
important announcement to make.

This have anything
to do with you?

Well, not that I know of.

It has nothing to
do with Donald.

And now, if you please,

I would like to propose a toast.

A toast to what? To me.

Vulgar though it may
be to brag about money,

I think it's only
fair to let you know

that you are looking at an
independently wealthy woman.

Ann, it is vulgar to
brag about money.

What money are you
vulgarly bragging about?

Found money. Lucky money.

Money from out of the blue.

Daddy, from now on, you
don't have to worry about me.

I can take care of myself.

No more taking any
parts I don't want to take,

no more selling empty
bottles to pay the rent.

In fact, you might even
say I have my own dowry.

That's a relief. [chuckles]

I don't understand it.

No one on my side of the
family has died recently.

No one on your
side has a nickel.

You see how conversations
about money become vulgar?

Would it be too
presumptuous to ask

what particular blue
this money is out of?

It would not.

Actually, it's
money I've earned.

Doing what?

Acting, of course.

Congratulations, dear.

How much money did you get?

Well, um... Let me just
say that it's in five figures.

You're kidding. I am not.

How much is that?

Could be $99,999.

Well, it's not that much.

[Donald] Wait, wait a minute.
I can't stand it anymore.

Vulgar or no, how
much did you get?

Brace yourself.

$743.62.

Uh, $743.62?

How about that?

Well, honey, you
said it was five figures.

Well, it is.

Except there's a decimal
point after three of them.

It's a lot of money.

Aren't you excited for me?

$743.62. I am pleased
for you, not excited.

Daddy, $700 is
practically a thousand.

Donald, don't you think
that's an exciting sum,

rather than just a pleasing sum?

Well, it's a-a goodly sum.

Goodly?

Yeah, yeah, you know.

Goodly falls somewhere
between paltry and magnificent.

Oh, I see.

That means you agree with Daddy.

Honey, if it's any
comfort to you,

even though it's
not enough money

to buy anything
very substantial,

it's certainly more
than enough money

to put a down payment
on practically anything.

It's not any comfort.
I've lost the whole feeling.

[Donald] Uh, what feeling?

The feeling of being unlimited.

For a minute there, I felt
like I had unlimited wealth.

Now I feel limited again.

Well, if you want to
feel unlimited again,

then the thing
to do is invest it.

Invest it in what?

Stocks, bonds. Let it
earn some money for you.

Couple of years, it might
be worth $800 or $900.

Well, that's what it's worth
now, give or take a little.

Personally, I'd
invest in culture.

Culture is forever. It
doesn't go up and down.

Since when can you buy culture?

I didn't say buy, I said invest.

For example, a piano.

A piano. I didn't know
you played the piano.

I don't, you do.

[Helen] Whether one plays
the piano or not isn't important.

It's the presence of
the piano in the home

that says, "Here lies culture."

Like a tombstone.

Lou, don't deliberately
try to misunderstand me.

I didn't try. I don't
understand you.

All I ask is that you
remain my own little girl.

And don't let it
make you mercenary.

Mercenary? What's mercenary
about planning for the future?

Someday she's gonna
be 65 and penniless,

with nothing to her name
but a piano that she can't play.

I was never fortunate
enough to have a piano.

You never said you wanted one.

You never asked.

You were busy throwing
away your money on AT&T,

whatever that is.

Are you suggesting
that I've neglected you,

that you've ever
had to go without?

Only a piano.

All I want is for my child
to have what I never had.

Now, Helen... Mother, Daddy.

You're fighting. Aren't they?

It has all the earmarks.

Okay, you've been so busy

making yourself a
disinterested third party.

What do you think?

Uh, me?

Well, I-I'm just what you said:

a disinterested third party.

Yeah, but Donald,
what do you think?

I mean, stock or piano?

Neither.

What would you do? If it
were my money, I'd travel.

Travel? Why?

Because the
trouble with the world

is that people
never get to see it

till they're too
old to enjoy it.

What kind of a crack is that?

Uh, present company excepted.

Anyway, where
could I go for $743.62?

You could go to any
number of places.

But you couldn't get back.

Name one. Hong Kong.

Hong Kong? Who'd
want to go to Hong Kong?

Oh, Daddy. Everywhere you go,
people are going to Hong Kong.

Might as well, if you
don't have a piano.

Respect your mother.

But obey your father.

Look, Mom, Dad.

I think all of your
suggestions have been terrific.

And Donald's, too, but...

if you don't mind, I'd
rather just sleep on it.

Of course, darling. Good.

Well, then, dinner
will be served.

Oh, I'm starved.
What are we having?

Well, it was gonna be
beef stroganoff and wild rice,

but I didn't get
the check cashed,

so it's, uh, knockwurst
and sauerkraut.

How did you buy the champagne?

It took my last $1.28.

A piano... I don't
really need a piano.

Mother will be so disappointed.

It's something she's
wanted all her life.

Never hear the
end of it from Daddy.

Donald had a
wonderful suggestion.

Hong Kong.

♪♪ [Chinese]

I should really pay my bills.

But not with found money.

You should never pay
bills with found money.

That doesn't make sense.

So, what do I do?

Get what everybody
else wants me to get?

Get what I want to get?

Or... get something I need?

It's just a question of
what do I need most?

I need a new mattress.
That's what I need.

Hi. Oh, don't touch.

I'm scientifically balanced.

How did you manage to knock?

Clever? Clever.

What's all that stuff?

Travel brochures, piano
folders, The Wall Street Journal.

What's in the brown
bag? My lunch.

That's not very appropriate

for an independently
wealthy young lady.

But, it's eccentric.

And all of us independently wealthy
young ladies are very eccentric.

Okay, what can I do
for you, crazy lady?

Look at this piano.

$3500.

I thought I was rich.

I can't even afford
the black keys.

It's depressing.

What's the sense of having money

if there are gonna be
things you can't afford?

I don't understand
what you said,

but I shall defend to the death

your right to say it.

And Daddy was right, you know.

If I fly tourist
class, family fare,

I can get to Hong Kong and
one third of the way home.

You might get to
like it on Guam.

And, the Dow Jones averages
were up 1.63 at yesterday's closing.

But the problem is,
do I buy a growth stock

or a cyclical stock?

I only know one person
who played the stock market.

He is an independently
wealthy man.

His stocks went up?

No, his aunt died
and left him a fortune.

[chuckles]

Donald, will you be serious?

Everybody has a suggestion

about what I should
do with the money.

How am I supposed
to make you all happy?

Ann, you're never gonna
please everybody, so why try?

Do what you want with the money.

You just put me right
back where I started.

Stuck with $743.62.

To sleep, perchance to dream.

Don't get up. I'm
John MacKenzie.

H-How do you do?

I'm interested in a bed.

And I'm interested in anyone
who's interested in beds.

You see, I've been a
specialist in beds for years.

Really?

There isn't much I
don't know about beds.

Have to. There are no returns.

Oh, oh.

Well, that's very reassuring.

I-I guess.

You see, I want
you to fit the bed.

The bed to fit you.

Most people spend over
one third of their life in bed.

Some less. Others... more.

I spend exactly what's
required and no more.

Wonderful. It's not wonderful.

I-It's not not
wonderful. It's...

I don't wish to discuss it.

Look, could we
just get on with this?

I have other
things I have to do.

Of course, of course.

You must be very busy.

Right this way, please.

Are you, by any chance, a model?

No, I'm not. I'm an actress.

That was going to
be my next guess.

You have that boudoir look.

Mr. MacKenzie!

Tut, tut. That's the
name of a mattress.

I would say that you
were meant for each other.

That mattress is big
enough for six people.

Anything wrong with that?

Great.

All I want is a nice, straight,

simple little twin bed
mattress without any lumps.

Well, you should have
something that suits your body.

Something glamorous.

Something roomy.

Excuse me, but 5'5", 108 pounds
hardly requires anything roomy.

What if you have a... a guest?

Mr. MacKenzie,
I don't think I care

for the trend of
this conversation.

Was I being too personal?

For a doctor, no.
For a salesman, yes.

Touché. May I have your name,
address, and telephone number?

No, you may not.

How else will I know
where to send your bed?

What makes you think
I want to buy a bed?

I feel it somehow, strangely.

That's ridiculous.

Please, don't go.

Look, Mr. MacKenzie,
I'm shopping.

I don't wish to get
emotionally involved.

I'll try to control myself.

Very well.

But one false move, and
it's Hammacher Schlemmer.

So you got it all solved? I did.

I bought seven shares of stock,

I rented a grand
piano for a month,

I put some money away
in a travel club account,

and I even had enough left
over to buy what I wanted:

a bed.

You're a financial genius.

Oh, wait till you see the
piano. It's coming this afternoon.

It's terrific.

Oh, for heaven's sakes.

It didn't look that
big in the store.

Ann, why do you think
they call it a grand piano?

The same reason they
call it the Grand Canyon?

Listen, you better call them up

and have this thing
hauled out of here.

Oh, I can't do that. It cost
me $40 to have it brought here.

It'll cost me another $40
to have them take it away.

That's $80.

That's a lot of money to
spend not to have a piano.

I'll bet a lot more people
would have culture

if it didn't take
up so much room.

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ Under my skin ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of me ♪

♪ So deep in my heart ♪

♪ You're really a part of me ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ Under my skin ♪

♪ I've tried hard ♪

♪ Not to give in ♪

♪ I said to myself this affair ♪

♪ Never should go so well ♪

♪ But why should
I try to resist ♪

♪ When darling I know so well ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ Under my skin ♪

[bell dings]

Ooh, that's the stroganoff.

Now, Donald,
you finish the song.

M-Me? No, I'm-I'm, I don't...

Oh, come on. You
sing beautifully.

And besides, it's
such an elegant feeling

to hear your own
piano being played

while you're serving dinner.

Okay.

I'll help you, dear.

♪ I'd sacrifice anything
come what might ♪

♪ For the sake of
having you near... ♪

♪ In spite... in spite
of a warning voice ♪

♪ That comes in the night ♪

♪ And repeats and
repeats in my ear ♪

♪ Don't you
know little fool... ♪

♪ You never can win ♪

♪ Use your mentality ♪

♪ Wake up to reality ♪

♪ And each time I do,
just the thought of you ♪

♪ Makes me stop... ♪

♪ Before I begin ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got you ♪

♪ Under my skin ♪

To think my daughter
came to New York

and wound up living
in a cocktail lounge.

Oh, Donald, that was excellent.

You have a very cultured
tone. Thank you, ma'am.

Okay, dinner is served.

Oh, everything
looks lovely, dear.

Oh, thank you. Well, I
hope you're satisfied.

She has no room to move
and no security for her future.

Yes, I have.

I invested in seven
shares of stock

of Tahiti Underwater
Petroleum Enterprises.

What is that? I've
never heard of it.

Well, it's sold over the table.

Uh, counter. Whatever.

Anyway, it's
already skyrocketing.

I bought it this
morning at 10 1/8,

and it's already up to 10 1/2.

Do you think I
should hang onto it

or sell and take my profit?

Uh, well, I'd sweat it
out for a day or two.

And I also opened up
a travel club account,

so that I can take
a trip to Hong Kong.

Don't you think it might be a good
idea to set a goal within reason?

Like Long Island.

All I have to do is add $4 a
week to my original deposit,

and then I can go to Hong Kong.

I'll have enough in 1987.

Now, that's worth
working toward, isn't it?

If you assume that Hong
Kong will still be there.

[door buzzes]

Oh, Daddy, of course
it'll still be there.

Where would it go?

[door buzzes] Just a minute!

Yes? Miss Ann Marie?

Yes? You bought a bed?

Yes, I did.

Well, we brung it.
Where do you want it?

Oh, oh. Well, I want
it in the bedroom.

That's what I figured.
Please lead the way.

Well, isn't this a
little late for delivery?

What time is it?
Well, it's 9:30.

Well, we're right on the dot.

Would you get up, Daddy?

Just move your stool. I'm sorry.

Excuse me, Mother.

Right this way. Don't
scratch the piano. It's rented.

I'm trying, lady. It's a little
tight squeeze. Pardon me, lady.

Right in there. Just put it
up against the wall in there.

Ow. Careful.

Careful. Oh, thank you.

Well, that's what I did
with the rest of the money.

I bought a bed.

What was wrong with the old one?

Didn't mean to break
in on your dinner.

Oh, oh, that's all right.

I don't usually eat till
one or two in the morning,

but I always get
hungry at this hour.

Oh, my.

Oh, would you
like a cheese puff?

I don't mind if I do. Thank you.

You haven't
answered my question.

What question was that, Daddy?

What was wrong with the old bed?

Oh, Lou, she's had that
ever since she was a little girl.

[Ann] Yeah, and the
springs were all broken down.

Would you pass the
wild rice, Mr. Marie?

This looks tricky, but
I think we can make it.

Ouch, will you
take it easy, buddy?

You stuck the
whole bed in my eye.

Lou, it was just
a little corner.

Wow. W... Ow!

Watch it. Wa... Ow!

Wow. W... Ow!

Please, everybody. Eat
your food. It's getting cold.

Delivering a bed in
the middle of dinner.

Have you ever
seen anything like it?

Uh, yes, sir, I have.

You have what?

Um, seen anything like it.

You see, you asked...

I wasn't looking for an answer.

It was just an expression,
like "Gee whiz."

[door buzzes]

Oh, my gosh. Now what?

Good evening.

Oh, Mr. MacKenzie.
What are you doing here?

I just happened to
be in the neighborhood

and I thought I'd pop by
to see if your bed arrived

and if you're sleeping well.

Oh, well, the bed just arrived.

And, as you can see, I
haven't been to sleep yet.

I don't mind waiting.

Mind if I come in?

Oh, sure, come in.

I'd have thought that
perhaps you and I...

[shouts unintelligibly]

Those are people
around your piano.

Oh, yes, they are.

This is my mother, my father,
and Mr. Donald Hollinger.

Mother, Dad, Donald.

And this is...

Excuse me. Moe and
Max. How do you do?

Uh, this is Mr. John MacKenzie.

Mr. MacKenzie sold me
my bed this afternoon.

And, uh, he just dropped
by to see if I was comfortable.

How very thoughtful.

Very thoughtful.

What do you mean, to
see if it was comfortable?

Merely an attempt on our part to
ensure customer service, satisfaction...

And, uh, Mr. MacKenzie
brought wine.

Oh, gosh, yes. I
certainly did brought wine.

Merely an attempt on our part

to increase felicity
of the moment

and beau geste of the day.

And it, uh, might
interest you to know

that Mr. MacKenzie
is a specialist in beds.

He, uh, told me
so this afternoon.

Well, I'm sorry I wasn't there

to hear all the other things
Mr. MacKenzie must have told you.

Well, they were
just odds and ends,

but most of all, he was
interested in my measurements,

my name and address,

and what he called
my boudoir look.

He was very charming.

Oh, really?

And aside from charming,
I'm also a disabled veteran.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, don't be. I was
proud to do what I could.

Oh, well, may I
express our appreciation.

Oh, don't mention it.

Merely an attempt on our part to
hire the physically handicapped.

Mother!

Dad.

Miss Marie.

It's been a pleasure.

I'll see you downstairs.

Oh, no no no no.
I'm-I'm trained.

I'll hold onto the banister.

I'm sorry. [door buzzes]

Oh, for goodness sakes. Come in.

Here we come.

Everybody upsy-daisy!

Could you just put
it down right here?

You sure?

Look, my rice is all gummy
and my sour cream is separating.

Oh, I'm sorry I
held up your dinner.

Oh, that's okay. I understand.

Thank you very much. Oh,
you're welcome. Good night.

Uh, before we go.

Could you pass the cheese puffs?

Oh, sure. Mom.

Uh, a very nice fella, he insisted
we have the wine without him.

Oh, how sweet.

Did you thank him?

Oh, I did, I did.

But, yeah, he took off so
fast, I don't think he heard me.

[all laugh]

Good night, everybody.

Good night, boys. Good
night, and thanks again.

You handled it very
well, I'll give you that.

Well, thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.

Are you gonna let this
thing stand here like this

where everybody can see it?

Well... No, no, sir. I'll carry
it into the bedroom later.

Oh, thank you, Don. Never
mind. I'll carry it in right now.

It's awfully heavy, Mr. Marie.

[all talk at once]

I can do it. I'm
not that decrepit.

No, it's not a question of that.

[Donald] Well, he doesn't
want me to help him.

I think your father would've
been happier if you'd been a boy.

Well, for your sake,
Mother, I'm glad I wasn't.

What do you mean? I don't think
you could ever lift that mattress.

Think this'll ever
replace Hong Kong?

Never.

Well, one consolation. I
can get home from here.

[both chuckle]

Here. Oh, I love these.

You have one.

Okay.

What's yours say?

"You are about to come
into a great deal of money."

I certainly hope not.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA