That Girl (1966–1971): Season 1, Episode 25 - Leaving the Nest Is for the Birds - full transcript
A family dinner put on by Ann to show how safe it is in the city is spoiled by a man standing on the ledge outside of her apartment.
And this is their backyard,
it's much bigger
than it looks here.
That long car of theirs
is blocking the view.
Very nice
Ah... here's Arlene
wheeling the baby.
The maid's day off.
Too bad. I'd love to
see a picture of the maid.
Hmm? Nothing
Arlene looks
lovely. Doesn't she?
So happy. Yes.
Al, such a wonderful boy.
Just like a son. Nice.
Oh, I just wished they
didn't live so far away.
But like I said to Arlene;
"You're happiness,
is my happiness".
The show's going on.
Not too much red, Lou.
I can't wait to see her.
Do you know the last
thing Arlene said to me
before she put me
on the plane was;
"Find out if Cousin
Ann is all right now."
Now.
Our Ann's just fine. She has a
lovely apartment. I wrote you.
Hmm, away from home.
No, she has an
apartment and a kitchen
overlooking the sink.
Her work's in New
York, Harriet, you know.
Shh shh, the show's
about to go on.
Still too much red.
You want a jolly green daughter?
I don't remember
anything. Who did I kill?
That Girl!
♪♪
Ann, at least let me answer
and tell 'em you shot yourself.
It's Mom and Dad,
I called them and told
them to watch the show.
Right, and they did. Now
they wanna congratulate you.
But I was supposed to be
dead and I opened my eye.
Oh Donald, even a
dog can play dead.
Honey, don't get so upset.
Do you realize that
was a network show?
I opened my eye, coast-to-coast,
in prime time, on a
live network show.
You know Napoleon was a
much better sport about Waterloo.
You're not very understanding.
What will I say?
Honey, with your father,
all you have to do is listen.
Daddy?
Where have you been?
Now, Daddy please don't holler.
I'm so miserable I could die.
What is it? What happened?
It was just awful.
What was awful?
You didn't watch? Of
course we watched.
It was fine.
Here, talk to your mother...
Sara Heartburn.
Ann, you looked beautiful.
Oh mother, I was
suppose to look dead.
You did, but beautiful.
Aunt Harriet is here.
What?
Yes.
Isn't' that a nice surprise?
She saw, Aunt Harriet saw it?
She's dying to talk to you, too.
My Aunt Harriet saw.
Hi, Aunt Harriet, how are you?
Oh I'm just fine.
Oh thank you, ...but
I did open my eye.
Honey, don't worry.
You were on and off so fast,
no one even noticed.
Thanks.
How's Arlene?
Married, I know.
A lovely boy. Adorable baby.
Big house.
I bet she still has
blue eyes, too.
And curly hair,
yeah, that's right.
Oh thank you that's very nice.
Well, I sure hope
I can see you too.
What about tomorrow night,
before I catch my plane?
We'll all go out for dinner.
She could probably
use a good meal.
How about it?
Some place fancy and nourishing.
I've got a better idea.
Why don't we come over
to your place for dinner?
Show your Aunt what
a good cook you are.
Oh! Daddy, you mean it?
Of course I mean it.
Give me your menu
and I'll bring the wine.
Fair enough?
Oh, fair enough.
7:30. Okay, bye.
Donald, you'll never guess...
You'll never guess
what! Guess what?
My Aunt Harriet is coming
here tomorrow night for dinner.
Here!
Tomorrow night? Aunt Harriet.
For dinner? Isn't that the most
fantastic thing you've ever heard?
Well maybe the
second most fantastic.
Oh Donald, that
means Daddy trusts me.
Well honey you
have an honest face.
You don't get it?
Who was it, that when
we saw that old Shirley
Temple movie with
Jane Withers with the
straight black hair that I said I looked
like when I was a kid, was the other one?
Think. Cousin Arlene.
Arlene was always Shirley Temple
and I was always Jane Withers.
Don't you remember? I
cried through the whole thing
and it was a comedy.
I once saw you cry through
a detergent commercial.
Oh, Aunt Harriet.
Cousin Arlene was always Shirley
Temple and I was always Jane Withers.
I remember her third birthday.
She had golden ringlets
and I had prickly heat.
It was always like that.
She sang and danced
and I scratched.
Guess which one
of us had braces?
You. Right.
She could have
been Miss America.
She was perfect all
over, from bite to toe.
Do you know she
never lost her skate key?
Never!
You'd say, "Arlene
where's your skate key?"
And she knew. She's like that.
Aunt Harriet is Arlene's mother?
Yes. She's been lording it
over my parents for years.
Her with her Miss Perfect
Bite and, my parent with me:
straight hair, mouth full of
metal and scabby knees.
But now it's different.
Your knees are healed.
Oh Donald, Daddy's proud of me.
Don't you see? He actually is.
He's showing off with me.
Now, everything's
gotta be perfect.
What should I make?
Everything's gotta
be smooth and nice.
Should it be sit down or buffet?
I'll borrow Judy's,
candle sticks.
Oh Donald, I'm so excited I
don't know what to do first.
Look for your skate key?
Donald, come in the kitchen. I want
you to help me put this Beef Stroganoff
in the casserole. Okay.
Honey, the table looks great.
Thank you. Now listen,
I want you to put this
on so you don't get dirty.
This boy she's going with,
is he in show business too?
More stable.
We're very fond of him.
A real man's man,
played football in college.
Hi! Come on in.
Hello, Don. Hello Mrs. Marie.
Oh. I-I was just putting
the beef in the casserole.
Ann cooked it.
Ann!
Would you mind, Mr. Marie?
It's Ann's apron.
This is my sister-in-law,
Harriet Waldon.
Don Hollinger. How
do you do, Ma'am?
Here's the wine.
Where's my daughter?
Harriet, look at the
beautiful table. Very nice.
Oh it is. It's lovely Silver.
Brought out the candelabra.
Where's Ann? Ahh, she's in
the kitchen. She'll be right out.
Hello everybody.
Mother. You look lovely.
Hello Daddy. Hello sweetheart.
Aunt Harriet.
Darling. How are you?
You're so thin. Yes.
Listen, why doesn't
everyone take off their wraps.
And Donald, you
give everybody a drink.
I've got this marvelous
thing in the oven.
Oh, it's so
wonderful to see her.
- My goodness.
- She's very reliable.
Even as a child. My Arlene...
They popped.
Never a problem...
Mrs. Marie. Oh,
that's nice, Don.
Here you are. Thank you.
Here we are.
Oh, Arlene makes these.
She adds just a
tiny pinch of onion.
And it makes all the
difference in cheese puffs.
Crab.
Mm?
They're made of crab.
Oh I'm sure they're very nice.
Mother? Oh, perfect.
Mm... delicious.
Maybe Arlene
would like the recipe.
Why don't you
write it down for her.
Ann, I love your apartment.
It so...
compact.
Poor Arlene in that
gigantic house of hers.
I told her she should
get a third car just
to get from one
room to the other.
She only has such a situation.
And you know, your
whole apartment could...
You keep this up, Ann, I'm gonna
put you to work at my restaurant.
Everything's great
honey, just great.
Yes it is, dear.
Would you like some
more Aunt Harriet?
No, thank you.
I love rich food, but rich food
doesn't love me. But it is good.
Who would have thought
our little Annie would turn out
to be a good cook? Oh well.
Now Arlene was
always a domestic child.
Uh, more wine? Just a drop.
I brought a bottle of Chateau
Maurice. It's in the refrigerator.
White wine with beef?
It's red.
Red wine, chilled?
You know, there was an article on
wine snobbery in last week's News View...
Oh Daddy, won't you
help me on the dessert?
You're such an expert at that.
Excuse us. Fine.
Oh Daddy, how am I doing?
Honey, I'm really proud of you.
Everything was perfectly
prepared and beautifully served.
And I hope you have some
fresh fruit in the refrigerator.
Why?
Because your
dessert's on fire. Oh!
That's just the crab puffs.
Wait till you see the
beautiful dessert I made.
I was scared to death to try it.
You know how things are always
going wrong when Aunt Harriet is here.
Today is my lucky day
because everything seemed
to be going so well till
this very moment, when
unless I'm losing my mind, there's a
strange man standing out there on my ledge.
Do you mind repeating that?
The whole thing,
or just the last part?
Just the last part.
Well there's a... What
man on what ledge?
Would you mind
closing that window?
Whatever you're cooking
in there smell's awful.
Will you come in off that ledge?
You stop where
you are, or I'll jump.
What are you doing out there?
I'm a carrier pigeon and I
gotta a message for you.
Butt out.
Who is he? I don't know.
What is this, a hang out?
Would you close
the window, please?
You're not thinking
of... jumping?
No, I just happen to be
walking along the street
and I'm very tall.
Of course I'm
thinking of jumping.
You can't do that.
Shh! Let me.
You can't do that.
Now it's your turn.
Look, would you
please leave me alone?
This is my ledge.
Oh, you better check
your lease, brown eyes.
This is a public ledge.
I know my rights.
You're not dealing with
some scared kid here.
You don't have to be so rude.
Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
I'm, ahh... am a little ...edgy.
Forgive and forget, okay?
Okay.
Oh... Wait. I know the
bit. I shake hands with you.
You pull me in through the
window. Got me wrapped
in a blanket with
the black coffee.
Then you're a big hero.
Ann, we better call the police.
You do and I'll jump.
No, no! No, no! Don't
jump. Don't jump.
We won't call anybody.
Now, now don't move.
Stay right there.
Stay right there.
Daddy, Daddy, we've
got to... do... something.
That, I know.
What's going on? Anything wrong?
Now Donald, there's a
man out on the ledge.
Where? On the ledge.
What's he doing out there?
He claim's it's public
property and he's gonna jump.
Public property, that's the
craziest thing I've ever heard off.
Let's not discuss
the building code,
he's out there.
All right, all right.
Let me handle this.
You two go inside.
The fewer people milling
around out here, the better.
I just covered one of these
things a few months ago.
What are you two doing out here?
Aunt Harriet thinks
there's something wrong.
She's got good
instincts. What is it?
Now Mother, I don't want
you to be upset. It's nothing.
You see there's, there's, there's
just this man out on the ledge.
What?
Now Mother, don't faint.
Well, uh, could I
have some room?
But don't tell
Harriet. She'll faint.
Right after she
tells Cousin Arlene,
and tells her what
kind of building I live in.
You see, this would never
happen if you lived at home.
Okay, let's not argue.
Donald what do we do? How-how...
Honey, honey, please
take everyone outta here,
I'm sure I can talk that man in.
That's a technical term.
Now, don't say a thing
about this to Aunt Harriet.
No. No. This is gonna
be something Harriet...
She'll just tell
Cousin Arlene...
I guess you didn't
hear the door bell.
Door bell?
Your neighbor just dropped
in to tell you there's a man
on your ledge.
Well, look, shouldn't we,
somebody call the police?
Shh... no. He said that,
if we call the
police, he'll jump.
Ahh... Does this
happen very often?
Please, please everyone just
give me five minutes with him alone.
I just covered one
of these things.
Don's very smart.
Go ahead. Now listen,
let's all go outside.
Come on. Everybody,
out of the kitchen.
Out of the kitchen.
Right!
Everybody out of the kitchen.
Shh...
I've got him!
By the drain pipe.
Go watch television
or something.
You're making me very nervous.
You're making all
of us very nervous.
Will you please come inside?
Why is this so important to you?
You're a fellow human being.
That's why.
And you had to
pick the one night
my Aunt Harriet came to dinner.
Will you please come inside?
No!
I give up.
Okay honey, take it easy.
When people get to this point,
they're full of anger, and
hostile feelings, and rage.
Now, you all go back
into the living room, please.
And just let me handle...
Just let me be with him, alone.
Okay.
Oh! Hi there.
Hi. Hi.
Out here alone, huh?
No. I was, now you're here.
Oh.
Nice evening.
Yeah, well... a little chilly.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is chilly.
Why don't we go back inside? No!
Oh, okay. Okay. Take
it easy, take it easy.
I know just how you feel.
Nobody knows how I feel.
Oh look, I know how you feel.
Nobody knows how I feel!
All right.
I-I guess you need
a friend pretty badly,
huh buddy?
Well look, that's why I'm here.
I don't need a friend that bad.
That's not nice.
Now you're right,
that's not nice, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry and it's been real
nice knowing you. Temporarily.
Oh. Now, look, don't say that.
Look you... you
don't wanna jump.
Of course I don't, dumb-dumb.
If that's the only way
I can convince my girl
that she ought to marry
me, then I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna, uh... jump.
Is that it?
Is that what it is, it's a girl?
Isn't everything?
Donald!
See.
Now I'll tell you what I'd
do on in a case like this.
Please Harriet. Don has
handled these things before.
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Don's getting through to him
Oh, That's a relief.
Yeah.
I should've known to
expect the unexpected
form our little Annie.
But all's well that ends well.
Give me some
coffee, some coffee.
Did you get him to
come in? No, it's for me.
He says he's going
to jump at 9:00.
Why 9:00? Because that's the
time his girlfriend finishes watching
her favorite TV program
and goes into the kitchen
to wash the dishes.
Her kitchen window
faces this building.
He's been casing
your ledge for weeks.
You mean he's been
out there before?
Yeah, Yeah. It's all
because his girl... Thank you.
It's all because his
girlfriend's mother
talked her into
breaking up with him.
That's why he's gonna jump.
If you wanna know, I think
the whole thing's a phony.
He's probably a second story
man and he's trying to break in.
No, no. He's no phony.
He's even carrying a picture
of his girlfriend so they'll
find it on him.
Everybody carries pictures.
An 8x10 glossy?
Poor man.
You know, it's just like
in that movie, 14 Hours.
Where Glenn Ford was standing
out on that ledge. Remember?
It wasn't Glenn Ford, it
was, uh, Gregory Peck.
It was Peck, all right.
With that blond gal whose shoulder
strap that kept breaking at parties.
Please, it doesn't
matter who it was.
Even if it happened to
have been Rod Steiger.
There's a real man
out there on my ledge.
We've got to do
something to save him.
Now Donald, did you
find out the girls' name?
Honey, I couldn't
get a thing out of him.
But you saw her picture, right?
Yeah. Good, okay.
Now you run across the street
and start ringing door bells
until you can find her.
Darling, there must be a 100
apartments in that building.
Donald, don't argue, it's almost
a quarter of nine! Okay, okay.
I'll go out there and keep him talking,
maybe he'll forget about the time.
Ahh!
Oh...
All right, put them up
and don't make a sound.
All right, I've decided
to turn this suicide
into a robbery.
Put all your valuables in there. Rings,
jewelry, everything. Come on. Hurry up.
Why do you change a
suicide into a rob... bery? Ahh!
Wait a minute.
Somebody's missing here.
Where's your
boyfriend? Ahh! Watch it.
I've been to the movies too.
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
Ann! Don't yell.
Let the man take
whatever he wants.
Where'd he go?
He went to find your
mythical girlfriend,
if you really wanna know.
What do you mean,
mythical girlfriend?
Ex maybe, but not mythical.
There really is a girl?
No, I carry an 8x10
glossy of a stranger.
Put your ring in the bag. Oh!
Yeah, with that picture, it's not
gonna be hard for him to find her.
Are you kidding? With
the way it's retouched,
it'll take hours.
Where's your silver?
Well, all I have is a starter
set of stainless... steel.
What about that candle holder?
Oh, don't take
it. I borrowed it.
Take it.
Ann, let him finish and go.
If you hadn't been so stubborn
about getting your
own apartment...
Daddy? I told you
that right away.
Are you her mother?
No!
Well then, butt out.
Arlene lived ay home until
the day she got married.
Who's Arlene? My
cousin. And living at home
has got nothing to do
with this, Aunt Harriet.
Your Aunt is right. New
York City is no place for you.
Daddy? All right, I'm leaving
now. Don't try to follow me.
Ann, I know we
said we'd give it a try.
Keep away from the windows
and don't try to call the police either.
Mother, this could
happen anywhere.
When I was a girl, we
wouldn't have thought
of living all alone
in an apartment.
When you were a girl,
they didn't have buildings.
Mother, I'm sorry. Hey!
I said, I'm leaving now.
I don't know if this makes
any difference to you but
I'm not really a burglar.
I mean, I wasn't until tonight.
So, you don't have
to drag the kid home.
See, I knew it!
You're not a real burglar?
That makes it even worse.
Any amateur could break in here.
Lou, she's right. I'll never get
a wink of sleep
thinking about this.
Now, don't you go. Donald's
coming right back with your girlfriend.
Are you kidding? She's
got a mother like that.
No. We're through.
Let her live with the thought
she turned me to a life of crime.
Ha!
You don't believe me?
You're the one that
gave me the idea.
"I think he's a second
story man trying to break in."
You got a terrible mind.
You know that, lady?
Here, kid.
You can have your
candelabra back.
Oh thank... Ahh! Up, up.
All right. Now, don't, don't anybody
make a move, you understand?
No calls or anything,
for ten minutes.
You get it? Howie! Don't jump.
You, you told me
he's out on the ledge.
What are you doing here?
You'll blow everything.
There are other ways of
destroying yourself, you know.
I've taken up crime.
When my mother looks out
her window and sees that you're
not on that, on that
ledge, she'll really be mad.
See? She lives at home and
I'll bet she's older than Ann.
I told you to dummy up!
I was washing the dishes.
She only let me come over here
for five minutes to save your life.
Well, what do you want me to do?
Go back on the ledge and slip, break my
neck or something? Is that what you want?
Certainly not.
Well then, what?
What?
She wants you to
stop jumping off ledges
and stop holding up people.
She wants you to act your age.
Right? Right.
Then maybe her mother will
let you make your own decisions.
Right? Right.
Do you mean that, Beryl?
Of course I do, Howie.
Do you think I wanna
live for the rest of my life
with a crazy person?
Let's go tell your mother.
Oh! Wait, wait. Our things.
You're forgetting our things.
Oh, excuse me.
Let's see, uh,
here's your watch.
You're couple of
minutes slow there.
Probably just needs a cleaning.
Let's see. Who had
the flawed half carat?
That's my engagement ring.
A little ammonia
would work wonders.
Did you have anything?
Yes, yes I did.
Is that all you had?
No, I have a ring in here.
Well, there you are.
Okay.
Good luck.
Well, thank you. Same to you.
Believe me she's
gonna be all right.
There comes a time when
a bird has to leave its nest.
We don't need any
advice from outsiders.
You know something
Harriet, that's very true.
It's been nice
knowing you. See ya.
Howie, come Howie.
Bye.
Well... well, I guess,
I'll get to the dessert.
I can't help but
smile when I think
of the last thing
Arlene said to me.
What was that?
Find out if Cousin
Ann is all right now.
You told us that.
And when you write Arlene,
tell her that Cousin
Ann is just fine now.
My dessert fell.
Never mind. I know it
will be delicious anyway.
No, I mean it really fell.
You see what happened is,
uh, you remember that drain pipe.
Well, uh, I was just getting
my dessert out of the oven
and I noticed the drain pipe was
kind of hanging, broken in the window.
So I went over to
the window and I was
holding the cake like
this. And then I went
like that and then it fell.
"Guess what happened to
Cousin Ann, the nut, tonight?"
Oh, I bet you're not a
nut to your Cousin Arlene.
I'll bet to her you're her lucky
talented Cousin, whose living
an exciting life in New
York, with a big, huge career.
You really think so? Sure.
No. I bet to her I'm
still Ol' Scabby Knees.
Just like to me she's still
the beautiful perfect princess.
Yeah, well, then I must be
pretty wild about scabby knees.
And I like my red wine chilled.
Okay.
Well, then in that
case Miss Marie.
Oh, Donald.
Open it. No.
Oh come on honey, open it.
I... I can't.
Donald, now, please understand.
It's just that I'm not ready.
I-I don't wanna be tempted.
You see, I promised to
give myself a year at least.
Oh honey, I don't know,
I think you better open it.
Oh Donald, you know there's
nobody I'd rather be with than you.
Please don't be
hurt. It's just that, well,
this is something that, that
I-I just won't be ready for,
for a long, long time.
Uh huh. Well, I
don't know, honey.
I don't know-a thing like that,
I don't think you
ought to wait too long.
I think you ought to open it.
A skate key!
Donald, you have the nerve...
Don't you dare tell
anybody about...
♪♪
it's much bigger
than it looks here.
That long car of theirs
is blocking the view.
Very nice
Ah... here's Arlene
wheeling the baby.
The maid's day off.
Too bad. I'd love to
see a picture of the maid.
Hmm? Nothing
Arlene looks
lovely. Doesn't she?
So happy. Yes.
Al, such a wonderful boy.
Just like a son. Nice.
Oh, I just wished they
didn't live so far away.
But like I said to Arlene;
"You're happiness,
is my happiness".
The show's going on.
Not too much red, Lou.
I can't wait to see her.
Do you know the last
thing Arlene said to me
before she put me
on the plane was;
"Find out if Cousin
Ann is all right now."
Now.
Our Ann's just fine. She has a
lovely apartment. I wrote you.
Hmm, away from home.
No, she has an
apartment and a kitchen
overlooking the sink.
Her work's in New
York, Harriet, you know.
Shh shh, the show's
about to go on.
Still too much red.
You want a jolly green daughter?
I don't remember
anything. Who did I kill?
That Girl!
♪♪
Ann, at least let me answer
and tell 'em you shot yourself.
It's Mom and Dad,
I called them and told
them to watch the show.
Right, and they did. Now
they wanna congratulate you.
But I was supposed to be
dead and I opened my eye.
Oh Donald, even a
dog can play dead.
Honey, don't get so upset.
Do you realize that
was a network show?
I opened my eye, coast-to-coast,
in prime time, on a
live network show.
You know Napoleon was a
much better sport about Waterloo.
You're not very understanding.
What will I say?
Honey, with your father,
all you have to do is listen.
Daddy?
Where have you been?
Now, Daddy please don't holler.
I'm so miserable I could die.
What is it? What happened?
It was just awful.
What was awful?
You didn't watch? Of
course we watched.
It was fine.
Here, talk to your mother...
Sara Heartburn.
Ann, you looked beautiful.
Oh mother, I was
suppose to look dead.
You did, but beautiful.
Aunt Harriet is here.
What?
Yes.
Isn't' that a nice surprise?
She saw, Aunt Harriet saw it?
She's dying to talk to you, too.
My Aunt Harriet saw.
Hi, Aunt Harriet, how are you?
Oh I'm just fine.
Oh thank you, ...but
I did open my eye.
Honey, don't worry.
You were on and off so fast,
no one even noticed.
Thanks.
How's Arlene?
Married, I know.
A lovely boy. Adorable baby.
Big house.
I bet she still has
blue eyes, too.
And curly hair,
yeah, that's right.
Oh thank you that's very nice.
Well, I sure hope
I can see you too.
What about tomorrow night,
before I catch my plane?
We'll all go out for dinner.
She could probably
use a good meal.
How about it?
Some place fancy and nourishing.
I've got a better idea.
Why don't we come over
to your place for dinner?
Show your Aunt what
a good cook you are.
Oh! Daddy, you mean it?
Of course I mean it.
Give me your menu
and I'll bring the wine.
Fair enough?
Oh, fair enough.
7:30. Okay, bye.
Donald, you'll never guess...
You'll never guess
what! Guess what?
My Aunt Harriet is coming
here tomorrow night for dinner.
Here!
Tomorrow night? Aunt Harriet.
For dinner? Isn't that the most
fantastic thing you've ever heard?
Well maybe the
second most fantastic.
Oh Donald, that
means Daddy trusts me.
Well honey you
have an honest face.
You don't get it?
Who was it, that when
we saw that old Shirley
Temple movie with
Jane Withers with the
straight black hair that I said I looked
like when I was a kid, was the other one?
Think. Cousin Arlene.
Arlene was always Shirley Temple
and I was always Jane Withers.
Don't you remember? I
cried through the whole thing
and it was a comedy.
I once saw you cry through
a detergent commercial.
Oh, Aunt Harriet.
Cousin Arlene was always Shirley
Temple and I was always Jane Withers.
I remember her third birthday.
She had golden ringlets
and I had prickly heat.
It was always like that.
She sang and danced
and I scratched.
Guess which one
of us had braces?
You. Right.
She could have
been Miss America.
She was perfect all
over, from bite to toe.
Do you know she
never lost her skate key?
Never!
You'd say, "Arlene
where's your skate key?"
And she knew. She's like that.
Aunt Harriet is Arlene's mother?
Yes. She's been lording it
over my parents for years.
Her with her Miss Perfect
Bite and, my parent with me:
straight hair, mouth full of
metal and scabby knees.
But now it's different.
Your knees are healed.
Oh Donald, Daddy's proud of me.
Don't you see? He actually is.
He's showing off with me.
Now, everything's
gotta be perfect.
What should I make?
Everything's gotta
be smooth and nice.
Should it be sit down or buffet?
I'll borrow Judy's,
candle sticks.
Oh Donald, I'm so excited I
don't know what to do first.
Look for your skate key?
Donald, come in the kitchen. I want
you to help me put this Beef Stroganoff
in the casserole. Okay.
Honey, the table looks great.
Thank you. Now listen,
I want you to put this
on so you don't get dirty.
This boy she's going with,
is he in show business too?
More stable.
We're very fond of him.
A real man's man,
played football in college.
Hi! Come on in.
Hello, Don. Hello Mrs. Marie.
Oh. I-I was just putting
the beef in the casserole.
Ann cooked it.
Ann!
Would you mind, Mr. Marie?
It's Ann's apron.
This is my sister-in-law,
Harriet Waldon.
Don Hollinger. How
do you do, Ma'am?
Here's the wine.
Where's my daughter?
Harriet, look at the
beautiful table. Very nice.
Oh it is. It's lovely Silver.
Brought out the candelabra.
Where's Ann? Ahh, she's in
the kitchen. She'll be right out.
Hello everybody.
Mother. You look lovely.
Hello Daddy. Hello sweetheart.
Aunt Harriet.
Darling. How are you?
You're so thin. Yes.
Listen, why doesn't
everyone take off their wraps.
And Donald, you
give everybody a drink.
I've got this marvelous
thing in the oven.
Oh, it's so
wonderful to see her.
- My goodness.
- She's very reliable.
Even as a child. My Arlene...
They popped.
Never a problem...
Mrs. Marie. Oh,
that's nice, Don.
Here you are. Thank you.
Here we are.
Oh, Arlene makes these.
She adds just a
tiny pinch of onion.
And it makes all the
difference in cheese puffs.
Crab.
Mm?
They're made of crab.
Oh I'm sure they're very nice.
Mother? Oh, perfect.
Mm... delicious.
Maybe Arlene
would like the recipe.
Why don't you
write it down for her.
Ann, I love your apartment.
It so...
compact.
Poor Arlene in that
gigantic house of hers.
I told her she should
get a third car just
to get from one
room to the other.
She only has such a situation.
And you know, your
whole apartment could...
You keep this up, Ann, I'm gonna
put you to work at my restaurant.
Everything's great
honey, just great.
Yes it is, dear.
Would you like some
more Aunt Harriet?
No, thank you.
I love rich food, but rich food
doesn't love me. But it is good.
Who would have thought
our little Annie would turn out
to be a good cook? Oh well.
Now Arlene was
always a domestic child.
Uh, more wine? Just a drop.
I brought a bottle of Chateau
Maurice. It's in the refrigerator.
White wine with beef?
It's red.
Red wine, chilled?
You know, there was an article on
wine snobbery in last week's News View...
Oh Daddy, won't you
help me on the dessert?
You're such an expert at that.
Excuse us. Fine.
Oh Daddy, how am I doing?
Honey, I'm really proud of you.
Everything was perfectly
prepared and beautifully served.
And I hope you have some
fresh fruit in the refrigerator.
Why?
Because your
dessert's on fire. Oh!
That's just the crab puffs.
Wait till you see the
beautiful dessert I made.
I was scared to death to try it.
You know how things are always
going wrong when Aunt Harriet is here.
Today is my lucky day
because everything seemed
to be going so well till
this very moment, when
unless I'm losing my mind, there's a
strange man standing out there on my ledge.
Do you mind repeating that?
The whole thing,
or just the last part?
Just the last part.
Well there's a... What
man on what ledge?
Would you mind
closing that window?
Whatever you're cooking
in there smell's awful.
Will you come in off that ledge?
You stop where
you are, or I'll jump.
What are you doing out there?
I'm a carrier pigeon and I
gotta a message for you.
Butt out.
Who is he? I don't know.
What is this, a hang out?
Would you close
the window, please?
You're not thinking
of... jumping?
No, I just happen to be
walking along the street
and I'm very tall.
Of course I'm
thinking of jumping.
You can't do that.
Shh! Let me.
You can't do that.
Now it's your turn.
Look, would you
please leave me alone?
This is my ledge.
Oh, you better check
your lease, brown eyes.
This is a public ledge.
I know my rights.
You're not dealing with
some scared kid here.
You don't have to be so rude.
Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
I'm, ahh... am a little ...edgy.
Forgive and forget, okay?
Okay.
Oh... Wait. I know the
bit. I shake hands with you.
You pull me in through the
window. Got me wrapped
in a blanket with
the black coffee.
Then you're a big hero.
Ann, we better call the police.
You do and I'll jump.
No, no! No, no! Don't
jump. Don't jump.
We won't call anybody.
Now, now don't move.
Stay right there.
Stay right there.
Daddy, Daddy, we've
got to... do... something.
That, I know.
What's going on? Anything wrong?
Now Donald, there's a
man out on the ledge.
Where? On the ledge.
What's he doing out there?
He claim's it's public
property and he's gonna jump.
Public property, that's the
craziest thing I've ever heard off.
Let's not discuss
the building code,
he's out there.
All right, all right.
Let me handle this.
You two go inside.
The fewer people milling
around out here, the better.
I just covered one of these
things a few months ago.
What are you two doing out here?
Aunt Harriet thinks
there's something wrong.
She's got good
instincts. What is it?
Now Mother, I don't want
you to be upset. It's nothing.
You see there's, there's, there's
just this man out on the ledge.
What?
Now Mother, don't faint.
Well, uh, could I
have some room?
But don't tell
Harriet. She'll faint.
Right after she
tells Cousin Arlene,
and tells her what
kind of building I live in.
You see, this would never
happen if you lived at home.
Okay, let's not argue.
Donald what do we do? How-how...
Honey, honey, please
take everyone outta here,
I'm sure I can talk that man in.
That's a technical term.
Now, don't say a thing
about this to Aunt Harriet.
No. No. This is gonna
be something Harriet...
She'll just tell
Cousin Arlene...
I guess you didn't
hear the door bell.
Door bell?
Your neighbor just dropped
in to tell you there's a man
on your ledge.
Well, look, shouldn't we,
somebody call the police?
Shh... no. He said that,
if we call the
police, he'll jump.
Ahh... Does this
happen very often?
Please, please everyone just
give me five minutes with him alone.
I just covered one
of these things.
Don's very smart.
Go ahead. Now listen,
let's all go outside.
Come on. Everybody,
out of the kitchen.
Out of the kitchen.
Right!
Everybody out of the kitchen.
Shh...
I've got him!
By the drain pipe.
Go watch television
or something.
You're making me very nervous.
You're making all
of us very nervous.
Will you please come inside?
Why is this so important to you?
You're a fellow human being.
That's why.
And you had to
pick the one night
my Aunt Harriet came to dinner.
Will you please come inside?
No!
I give up.
Okay honey, take it easy.
When people get to this point,
they're full of anger, and
hostile feelings, and rage.
Now, you all go back
into the living room, please.
And just let me handle...
Just let me be with him, alone.
Okay.
Oh! Hi there.
Hi. Hi.
Out here alone, huh?
No. I was, now you're here.
Oh.
Nice evening.
Yeah, well... a little chilly.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is chilly.
Why don't we go back inside? No!
Oh, okay. Okay. Take
it easy, take it easy.
I know just how you feel.
Nobody knows how I feel.
Oh look, I know how you feel.
Nobody knows how I feel!
All right.
I-I guess you need
a friend pretty badly,
huh buddy?
Well look, that's why I'm here.
I don't need a friend that bad.
That's not nice.
Now you're right,
that's not nice, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry and it's been real
nice knowing you. Temporarily.
Oh. Now, look, don't say that.
Look you... you
don't wanna jump.
Of course I don't, dumb-dumb.
If that's the only way
I can convince my girl
that she ought to marry
me, then I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna, uh... jump.
Is that it?
Is that what it is, it's a girl?
Isn't everything?
Donald!
See.
Now I'll tell you what I'd
do on in a case like this.
Please Harriet. Don has
handled these things before.
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Don's getting through to him
Oh, That's a relief.
Yeah.
I should've known to
expect the unexpected
form our little Annie.
But all's well that ends well.
Give me some
coffee, some coffee.
Did you get him to
come in? No, it's for me.
He says he's going
to jump at 9:00.
Why 9:00? Because that's the
time his girlfriend finishes watching
her favorite TV program
and goes into the kitchen
to wash the dishes.
Her kitchen window
faces this building.
He's been casing
your ledge for weeks.
You mean he's been
out there before?
Yeah, Yeah. It's all
because his girl... Thank you.
It's all because his
girlfriend's mother
talked her into
breaking up with him.
That's why he's gonna jump.
If you wanna know, I think
the whole thing's a phony.
He's probably a second story
man and he's trying to break in.
No, no. He's no phony.
He's even carrying a picture
of his girlfriend so they'll
find it on him.
Everybody carries pictures.
An 8x10 glossy?
Poor man.
You know, it's just like
in that movie, 14 Hours.
Where Glenn Ford was standing
out on that ledge. Remember?
It wasn't Glenn Ford, it
was, uh, Gregory Peck.
It was Peck, all right.
With that blond gal whose shoulder
strap that kept breaking at parties.
Please, it doesn't
matter who it was.
Even if it happened to
have been Rod Steiger.
There's a real man
out there on my ledge.
We've got to do
something to save him.
Now Donald, did you
find out the girls' name?
Honey, I couldn't
get a thing out of him.
But you saw her picture, right?
Yeah. Good, okay.
Now you run across the street
and start ringing door bells
until you can find her.
Darling, there must be a 100
apartments in that building.
Donald, don't argue, it's almost
a quarter of nine! Okay, okay.
I'll go out there and keep him talking,
maybe he'll forget about the time.
Ahh!
Oh...
All right, put them up
and don't make a sound.
All right, I've decided
to turn this suicide
into a robbery.
Put all your valuables in there. Rings,
jewelry, everything. Come on. Hurry up.
Why do you change a
suicide into a rob... bery? Ahh!
Wait a minute.
Somebody's missing here.
Where's your
boyfriend? Ahh! Watch it.
I've been to the movies too.
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
Ann! Don't yell.
Let the man take
whatever he wants.
Where'd he go?
He went to find your
mythical girlfriend,
if you really wanna know.
What do you mean,
mythical girlfriend?
Ex maybe, but not mythical.
There really is a girl?
No, I carry an 8x10
glossy of a stranger.
Put your ring in the bag. Oh!
Yeah, with that picture, it's not
gonna be hard for him to find her.
Are you kidding? With
the way it's retouched,
it'll take hours.
Where's your silver?
Well, all I have is a starter
set of stainless... steel.
What about that candle holder?
Oh, don't take
it. I borrowed it.
Take it.
Ann, let him finish and go.
If you hadn't been so stubborn
about getting your
own apartment...
Daddy? I told you
that right away.
Are you her mother?
No!
Well then, butt out.
Arlene lived ay home until
the day she got married.
Who's Arlene? My
cousin. And living at home
has got nothing to do
with this, Aunt Harriet.
Your Aunt is right. New
York City is no place for you.
Daddy? All right, I'm leaving
now. Don't try to follow me.
Ann, I know we
said we'd give it a try.
Keep away from the windows
and don't try to call the police either.
Mother, this could
happen anywhere.
When I was a girl, we
wouldn't have thought
of living all alone
in an apartment.
When you were a girl,
they didn't have buildings.
Mother, I'm sorry. Hey!
I said, I'm leaving now.
I don't know if this makes
any difference to you but
I'm not really a burglar.
I mean, I wasn't until tonight.
So, you don't have
to drag the kid home.
See, I knew it!
You're not a real burglar?
That makes it even worse.
Any amateur could break in here.
Lou, she's right. I'll never get
a wink of sleep
thinking about this.
Now, don't you go. Donald's
coming right back with your girlfriend.
Are you kidding? She's
got a mother like that.
No. We're through.
Let her live with the thought
she turned me to a life of crime.
Ha!
You don't believe me?
You're the one that
gave me the idea.
"I think he's a second
story man trying to break in."
You got a terrible mind.
You know that, lady?
Here, kid.
You can have your
candelabra back.
Oh thank... Ahh! Up, up.
All right. Now, don't, don't anybody
make a move, you understand?
No calls or anything,
for ten minutes.
You get it? Howie! Don't jump.
You, you told me
he's out on the ledge.
What are you doing here?
You'll blow everything.
There are other ways of
destroying yourself, you know.
I've taken up crime.
When my mother looks out
her window and sees that you're
not on that, on that
ledge, she'll really be mad.
See? She lives at home and
I'll bet she's older than Ann.
I told you to dummy up!
I was washing the dishes.
She only let me come over here
for five minutes to save your life.
Well, what do you want me to do?
Go back on the ledge and slip, break my
neck or something? Is that what you want?
Certainly not.
Well then, what?
What?
She wants you to
stop jumping off ledges
and stop holding up people.
She wants you to act your age.
Right? Right.
Then maybe her mother will
let you make your own decisions.
Right? Right.
Do you mean that, Beryl?
Of course I do, Howie.
Do you think I wanna
live for the rest of my life
with a crazy person?
Let's go tell your mother.
Oh! Wait, wait. Our things.
You're forgetting our things.
Oh, excuse me.
Let's see, uh,
here's your watch.
You're couple of
minutes slow there.
Probably just needs a cleaning.
Let's see. Who had
the flawed half carat?
That's my engagement ring.
A little ammonia
would work wonders.
Did you have anything?
Yes, yes I did.
Is that all you had?
No, I have a ring in here.
Well, there you are.
Okay.
Good luck.
Well, thank you. Same to you.
Believe me she's
gonna be all right.
There comes a time when
a bird has to leave its nest.
We don't need any
advice from outsiders.
You know something
Harriet, that's very true.
It's been nice
knowing you. See ya.
Howie, come Howie.
Bye.
Well... well, I guess,
I'll get to the dessert.
I can't help but
smile when I think
of the last thing
Arlene said to me.
What was that?
Find out if Cousin
Ann is all right now.
You told us that.
And when you write Arlene,
tell her that Cousin
Ann is just fine now.
My dessert fell.
Never mind. I know it
will be delicious anyway.
No, I mean it really fell.
You see what happened is,
uh, you remember that drain pipe.
Well, uh, I was just getting
my dessert out of the oven
and I noticed the drain pipe was
kind of hanging, broken in the window.
So I went over to
the window and I was
holding the cake like
this. And then I went
like that and then it fell.
"Guess what happened to
Cousin Ann, the nut, tonight?"
Oh, I bet you're not a
nut to your Cousin Arlene.
I'll bet to her you're her lucky
talented Cousin, whose living
an exciting life in New
York, with a big, huge career.
You really think so? Sure.
No. I bet to her I'm
still Ol' Scabby Knees.
Just like to me she's still
the beautiful perfect princess.
Yeah, well, then I must be
pretty wild about scabby knees.
And I like my red wine chilled.
Okay.
Well, then in that
case Miss Marie.
Oh, Donald.
Open it. No.
Oh come on honey, open it.
I... I can't.
Donald, now, please understand.
It's just that I'm not ready.
I-I don't wanna be tempted.
You see, I promised to
give myself a year at least.
Oh honey, I don't know,
I think you better open it.
Oh Donald, you know there's
nobody I'd rather be with than you.
Please don't be
hurt. It's just that, well,
this is something that, that
I-I just won't be ready for,
for a long, long time.
Uh huh. Well, I
don't know, honey.
I don't know-a thing like that,
I don't think you
ought to wait too long.
I think you ought to open it.
A skate key!
Donald, you have the nerve...
Don't you dare tell
anybody about...
♪♪