That '70s Show (1998–2006): Season 7, Episode 6 - Rip This Joint - full transcript

Hi, honey. Welcome
home from work.

Oh, god, I
love saying that.

It's much better than saying, welcome
home from loitering at the head shop.

Oh, my god, Hyde. Five seconds have gone
by, and you haven't ripped off your tie,

or as you refer to it,
"the yoke of oppression."

Yeah, forgot
I was wearin' it.

Would you look at that?

The dancing bear has become
accustomed to his cage.

Why would you put
a dancing bear in a cage?

He's entertaining you,
give him some room.

No, Fez, what she's saying is that Hyde is
becoming a money-grubbing corporate zombie.



Did you hear that, Steven?
We're gonna be rich!

No, we're not, Jackie.

I hate the man. I'm still
dedicated to kicking his ass.

I'm just doing it from the inside, where
I get a pension and dental and stuff.

Oh, don't worry, honey.
You're still a rebel.

Give me two years, I'll have him speaking
french and writing thank-you notes.

Hyde's growin'
up so fast.

It seems like just yesterday, we were swipin'
"playboys," trenchin'old man Shinsky's yard

and cuttin' the brakes
on fat Marvin's bike.

I don't remember trenching
old man Shinsky's yard.

Oh, that's 'cause
you didn't approve.

I think your exact words were,
"that guy's worked hard on his yard."

What's wrong with me?

Yeah, I don't want to wake up in 20 years and
realize that I haven't harassed enough grouchy old men.



And I don't want to wake up in 20 years
and realize this was all a dream.

Wouldn't that be weird,

if none of this was real?

Okay, now I'm starting
to freak out a little.

You know what?
I want to trench a yard.

Just not if it's one of those pranks
that involves heights or

touching bugs.
I'm not--I-I...

I won't touch a bug.

No, you just park your car on someone's yard, and then
you step on the gas, throw it in drive, and tear up the lawn.

Then you go get fries and talk
about how awesome it was.

You know what, you guys?

I'm gonna trench old man Shinsky's yard.
In fact, I'm gonna trench that yard

like no yard has been trenched
in the history of yard trenching.

Are you with me?

- Whatever.
- Yeah.

I said, are you with me?!

- Whatever.
- Yeah.

Yeah! That's what
I like to hear.

That 70's show - Saison 7 Episode 06
"Rip this joint"

Traduction par Guzo
Synchro par Kiff

Merci ? Raceman

Pre?asoval / Retiming
blsho

What are those for?

Oh, no.
What did you do?

Why did you have to wear something so revealing?
It's just a friendly party, for Pete's sake.

This party's not for Pete.
It's for Kitty, dummy.

They've been arguing
all the time lately.

Last night they did two hours on
"I know you are, but what am I"?

Did someone say party?

There's no party.
Right, Kitty?

Yes, there is
a party, Red.

Didn't you wonder why
I bought all that liquor?

Honestly, no.

Hey, thanks for inviting us
to your party, Mrs. Forman.

We can't stay, though,
'cause Eric's gonna trench...

a coat.

A trench coat.

Kitty, how could you have
a party without telling me?

Maybe it's because every time she
tells you, you go through five stages

anger, fury, rage,
super rage, and, finally,

cursing god for bringing
you into this world.

I've been there.

Why did you do it?!

So what's the
occasion, Kitty?

According to
"cosmo"'s latest quiz,

I have medium
to lowself-esteem.

So

the article suggested that I should
throw a party in celebration of me.

I've done that.
I've done that.

- You've have, too?
- Isn't it fun?

- Yeah.
- I know.

Okay, guys, I've been thinking about this
trenching thing, and it's a little boring.

But I think I've figured out
a way to Forman-ize it.

You mean, make
it more boring?

No, I don't.

I mean, I'm going
to get out of the car,

moon old man Shinsky
and then trench the yard.

That's right. You've all now been witness
to the invention of the "moon 'n' trench."

I don't know, Eric.
It seems risky.

I mean, you're not fast, you're
uncoordinated, and you're easily tripped.

I mean, if you get out of
the car, you're a dead man.

Not with me backin' him up
as his first lieutenant.

Oh, um, actually, you're not my first
lieutenant. Donna's my first lieutenant.

I went from fianc?e
to first lieutenant?

What a year.

How could you
pick a girl over me?

Kelso, remember when we put eggs
in sister Mary Catherine's mail slot,

and you were
the getaway driver?

And when we needed
to get away,

you had left to
get ice cream?

I was the getaway driver,
and I got away.

Man, you've got Forman, Kelso,
an old man and a naked butt.

This could go the kind of wrong
people write books about.

I can't believe
I'm not goin'.

Oh, that's right. See, Steven decided he'd rather hang
out with his father at Kitty's grown-up cocktail party.

I'm Hyde. I'm goin'
to a cocktail party.

I'm Hyde. I'm going to a
party with cocktails.

What the hell are
you guys doing?

I don't know,
but it's funny.

Kitty,

Who are all
these people?

Well, they're
my friends.

I never introduced you
because I know you don't care.

Thanks.

Hey, W.B.,
Come on in.

Hey, Steven. I thought I
had the wrong night.

You white folks throw
a really quiet party.

Yeah, wait till they bring out the
onion dip. All hell breaks loose.

I want you guys
to meet my dad.

This is William Barnett. He owns
a chain of record stores.

He's rich.

Jackie, I don't know if I'd say--
ah, what the hell, yeah, I am.

And, W.B., This is Bob, who's
also done some work in retail,

and Midge, who's also been to...
some stores.

It's true.

Steven, you didn't tell me
your father was so handsome.

Hey, what about me?

Well, you didn't
tell me either.

Okay, hello. Hello.

Let's kick off Kitty fest
with a little game.

How about
hide-and-go-to-sleep?

When I blow
this whistle...

pair up with someone and
tell an anecdote about me.

When I blow it again...

pair up with someone
else, and

the person who tells the cutest story will get
a special mention in my christmas newsletter.

That's a prize?

Now since there are
an odd number of people here,

I'm afraid one unlucky person
is going to get left out of the fun.

I'll fall on that grenade.
Good night, everybody.

Okay, you guys, let's see if I have
everything I need for the moon 'n' trench.

Car, check.
Lawn, check.

Creamy white
butt, check.

Eric, wait.

If you moon old man Shinsky, you're
not gonna have time to pull up your pants.

You can't run back to the car
with them around your ankles.

- You think I shouldn't do it?
- No, hell, no.

I think you should
do it pantsless.

Eric, he's right. I mean, you can
barely run with your pants on.

The pants
come off.

Oh, great. Everybody's on board
when Eric wants to take his pants off,

but when I do it, we have
to leave the restaurant.

It's go time.

What's going on here?

That's my butt!
Whoo!

Lock, Donna.

Now for the trench.

What--

What's goin' on?
We're not movin'.

Oh, man, you dropped
your transmission.

In english, Donna, in english.

Your car no go.

I'm calling
the police!

Wait, I am
the police.

They can't catch me
here. We gotta go.

I gotta stay with the car.

We don't.

Oh, man. Donna,
what are we gonna do?

I love you, Eric.

No, don't leave me.

Oh, Kelso. Buddy, thanks.
I knew you'd come back.

Oh, I'm not really back. Since you didn't make
me first lieutenant, I'm just here to say,

I got his pants!

You are right, Phyllis,
I am a talented mimic.

"Hi, I'm Johnny Carson,
and I'm on TV."

Uh-oh, time to switch.

Well, it's you and me.
This should be fun.

So, hum...

you take out the trash.

No.

I gotta do that, then.

Oh, this is terrible. Have we
run out of things to talk about?

Oh, no, no.

Let me see...

I saw a squirrel in
the yard today.

I love that squirrel.
I've been feeding him peanuts

Well, that explains why he
took the poison right out of my hand.

Jackie, I don't know what's going on with me.
I just got paired up with this book keeping guy

who told me a story
about accounts receivable.

Not only did I know
what he was talking about,

I suggested he
make a flowchart.

Oh, my god, you are
so sexy right now.

Say "flowchart" again.

Kitty, Kitty,

that was the third whistle, and
midge and W.B. Still haven't switched.

Look at her laughing at him.
He's not even funny.

I haven't once heard
him say, "knock knock."

Okay, wait, I have a
good one. "Knock knock."

Damn it.

I'm not gonna stand for you throwing
yourself at every guy you meet. Midge,

We're goin' home.

Until you're ready to trust me,
I'm not goin' anywhere.

In fact, I'm leaving.

Where are you going?

To lock myself
in your bathroom.

What's wrong
with your bathroom?

I can't go there. There's too many painful
memories of sexy showers with Bob.

See, I told you
people do that.

Look,

man, please
don't call my dad.

If he hears about this, he's gonna kill me. And I don't mean
figuratively. He will literally kill mewith his bare hands.

He will kill me
like he has killed

oh-so-many
squirrels.

Settle down.
You're 18.

I'm not gonna
call your dad.

I want my daddy.

Donna.

- They said I could visit you for ten minutes.
- It's good to see a friendly face.

Jail's no place for me, Donna.

I'm too pretty.

Eric, you're gonna be fine.

Plus, I brought something
that you really need.

- Tell me it's pants.
- Ooh,

Crap. I knew I
forgot something.

But...

how do "milk duds" sound?

Kinda like they won't cover
the lower half of my body.

All right,

visiting hours are over.

Fine. He's
cranky anyway.

All right, Kelso, awesome,
get me out of here.

Shut up, punk.

You know, around here
we have a saying.

Is it, "Everyone down.
Kelso's got a gun"?

No.

It's "Kelso gets to be
first lieutenant."

But now, sir,
you are a criminal,

and you will be prosecuted to the
fullest extent of my imagination.

Midge? Please come out
so you can talk to Bob.

I can't do that, Kitty.

You mean you
don't know how?

The lock is on
the doorknob.

No, I mean I'm
not coming out,

but thank you,
I see it now.

- I want to go to sleep.
- Me too.

Well, I wanted one night that was just about
me, and now everything's about Midge.

It's not enough that she's got
legs up to here, and the

you-know-what's out
to you-know-where.

Now she's gotta upstage
me on my big night. Well,

you just get over
yourself, lady.

You know, I never thought
I'd be saying this.

But how's about you and
me get a motel room?

I'd like that.

okay, I'm starting to shake off
this whole flowchart thing.

I can't remember
what a flowchart is.

Can't even remember
what I just said.

Hey,

which one of you jerks
put this tie on me?

Steven, focus.
You're a businessman.

You love work and money

and me.

Hold on to that.

Oh, you know what? You're
gonna forget. I'll write it down.

Oh, you guys missed
a glorious trenching.

Eric's tiny butt gleaming
in the moonlight,

shining brighter than
the brightest star.

It was like a Disney movie.

Yeah,

Eric's rear end
is white.

I can't even tell
if he's wearing underwear.

Tonight,
in that jail cell,

he's gonna glow like
a little lightning bug.

Forman's in jail, and I spent
my entire night at a cocktail party?

I gotta go break some laws
or I'm never gonna forgive myself.

Hey,

which one of you jerks
put this tie on me?

I know what you're
thinkin', punk.

Is that gun real or fake?

Well, the
gun is green.

But it's also
plastic, so...

it's anyone's guess.

Well...

then you have to ask yourself
one question, punk--

do I like being squirted
with grape juice?

- Well, do you? Yeah?
- Okay, quit it.

- You're gonna be all sticky.
- Thank you.

Okay, Mr. Shinsky,

Once you've identified the culprit,
you can file a formal complaint.

Oh, that's him. I'd recognize that
creamy-assed moron anywhere.

Oh, yeah, he was there, too.

What, me?
No,

no, no, no.

I was undercover,

infiltrating the underworld
trenching world.

And it goes a lot deeper than you might think.
The whole middle school might be involved.

Okay.

In you go, Kelso.

Aw, no, you're
putting me in jail?

Maybe a few hours in the can will
give you a new respect for the law.

But that's the
thing, it won't.

I hope Midge isn't going
through my medicine cabinet.

I've got some pills in there,
and they are not for amateurs.

What's going on?

Your loony mother has locked
herself in my bathroom.

I'll handle this.

Mom,

the lock is on
the doorknob.

That's it, Midge. Come out now
or I'm kickin' down the door.

If you kick down that door,
you're gonna have to put it back up.

You take the fun out
of everything, Red.

Mom, if you won't come out, will
you at least let dad come in there?

How could you think I was
flirting with another man?

maybe I overreacted.
You're a beautiful woman.

So are you, Bob.

What the hell are
they doing in there?

All right,

I'm sorry about tonight. You just really hurt my feelings
when you didn't make me first lieutenant on the Shinsky job.

I'm sorry, too.

I guess I never realized how seriously you take
imaginary ranks assigned by your friends.

Well, now you know.

Well,

after a long night
of hashing things out,

we all decided that my
parents are better off apart,

so we took my mom
to the airport this morning.

She headed
back to California?

I hope so.

I taped the ticket
to her purse.

You're coming home
in your underwear again?

I'm gonna paint some
damn pants on you.

Okay, but in
my defense,

this time I took off
my pants by choice.

I don't know where
we went wrong with you.

We take you to church, we try to
raise you to be a decent human being,

and yet you turn out to be
a bottomless deviant.

Okay, Red, the
shower's running.

You promised.

Stick my eggs in the oven.
I'll be back in five minutes.

Freeze, punk, freeze!

Hi.

What are you in for?

Let's just say old man Shinsky's yard
has been professionally trenched.

Did the rose bushes, too.
It's sort of my calling card.

Ah....

This feels good.

This feels right.