That '70s Show (1998–2006): Season 7, Episode 5 - It's Only Rock and Roll - full transcript

Doesn't anybody want
to ask me how I'm feeling?

Well, of course.

Eric, ask your mother
how she's feeling.

How are you feeling, mom?

Unneeded, unnecessary
and unloved.

Oh, you set me up.

Well, there's no one
for me to take care of.

Steven's off with his dad,
you're...

busy with your silly
not-working projects, and...

we haven't heard from Laurie
since she moved to Canada.

Where bottomless
dancing is legal.



Cheer up, Kitty. You'll always
have me to take care of.

Oh, the way you eat,
you'll be dead long before me.

- You're the one that puts bacon on everything.
- I do not.

- Last week you put bacon on ham.
- Fine.

Everything's my fault.

Man, I can't wait
to be married.

All right, fine.
Look, we could talk all day,

but I see one little fella that
still needs your attention.

We still have Schotzie?

I thought he ran away.

No, he's been hiding
underneath the house.

For a year?

Poor little fella.
He's afraid of the garden hose.

Look, mom, maybe you should stop worrying about
everyone else so much and start thinking about yourself.



Maybe you should find something
to enrich your life.

Oh, may I suggest

the teachings of the Jedi?

And may I suggest
the footing of your ass?

this is not the ass
you're looking for.

See, now you don't know
what to do.

You guys, yesterday at the salon
I gave a shampoo to Tina Simpson.

And you know what?

She has a lumpy head.

Oh, gross. I made out with her
in the tenth grade.

If I'd have known she had a lumpy head,
I would have felt around up there.

Well, I mean, it's gross,
but you want to feel it, right?

You guys, listen to this ad.
"Do you like to draw?"

Well, I have been known to trace my
hand and turn it into a turkey.

"If so, have your artistic ability evaluated
"by the cartoon academy of fort lauderdale."

Ooh. I think Picasso
went there.

All I have to do is send in my
drawing of Sanchez the turtle

and a money order for $19.95. 20 bucks to
get judged by a panel of cartoon experts?

I'd pay twice that.

Steven, you cannot go to your first day
at your dad's company dressed like that.

You're working there,
not digging a ditch to there.

Jackie, he owns a chain
of record stores.

This is the official uniform
of rock 'n' roll.

I'm dressed to jam.

I agree with Jackie.
You clean up so nice.

Let the world see what I see.

I'm sorry. I'm drawing Sanchez the turtle.
I made a little bubble where he's saying,

"What's the hurry, guys?"

Watch your back,
"doonesbury."

- All right, Steven, you know, I really think you...
- Lay off, okay? I'm dressed fine.

Really?
What's the job?

Are they looking
for an entry-level hobo?

Actually, I'm hoping to get to listen to the
records and pick which ones the stores carry.

In which case,

bye-bye, andy gibb.

What do you have against
good-looking guys?

We're just like you,
except for much better-looking.

You know what you should do?

Bring back swing music.

Hey, sue me. I like a song
I can throw a lady around to.

That 70's Show - Saison 7 Episode 05
"..."

Traduction par Guzo, ...
Synchro poar Kiff

Merci ? Raceman

Pre?asoval / Retiming
blsho

Here's where
you'll be working, son.

Well, it's pretty grim.

So is this where we interrogate
the political prisoners?

So, um,

- Where's all the records at?
- Right here.

These papers are the sales records for all
of our stores in the greater tri-county area.

These aren't the kind of papers
I thought I'd be working with.

I thought they'd be smaller and
wrapped around something illegal.

Look, I don't wanna bum you out, but
we kind of have a dress code here.

You're dressed pretty casual.

Yeah, but this is silk.
You couldn't pull it off.

Steven, I love your closet.

Where's your office?

Did you follow me here?

And you never even saw me.

See, the trick is, is to stay two
cars behind and one to the left.

Oh, here. I brought you
a very special lunch,

and it's wrapped
in a suit and tie.

Wear it.

A suit? See,
she has the right idea.

Well, I told him
to dress nicer.

But he's poor,
and that's your fault.

Steven,

we're gonna be evaluating
store profits from last quarter,

so your job is to go through these records and
to underline every instance of the word "credit."

That's what I'm gonna be doing
my whole first day?

First day? Ha!
It'll take you a week.

Well, if you get bored,
do what I do--play golf.

I don't play golf.

Good.
You can't leave anyway.

What exactly
are they doing?

I'm not sure.

I think it's like a karate
that kills you with jiggle.

And that's
how you do tai chi.

Are you boys
ready to try?

No, I think we need to watch
you two do it a little bit more.

They're not trying
to learn, mom.

Otherwise they wouldn't have
brought lawn chairs and fudgesicles.

Kelso, I thought you were gonna start respecting
women now that you have a daughter.

I am, but you two
are grandfathered in.

I really don't see
what the big deal is, Bob.

We brought this tray over
to you full of cookies.

You should have brought it back full
of cookies. That's all I'm saying.

- What are you two doing?
- It's tai chi.

It's an ancient form
of exercise and meditation.

It originated in the far east
in a place called Los Angeles.

- Seems really interesting. Can I try?
- Sure.

I'd stay out here and try it with you,
but I'd rather go inside and eat.

So the key is to relax
and find your inner peace.

Seems a little exotic,

but if this tai chi is half as good as a
mai tai, I'm sure I'm gonna love it.

You're the new guy, huh?
I'm Denis.

I'm Hyde.

Mondays, huh?

I guess.

Well, you picked a good week to start.
We just got a new copy machine.

It's already broken.

I'm really unhappy.

Okay.

Donna was right. I do need
to start respecting women,

so I decided to donate my entire
Playboy collection to the needy.

Here you go, Fez.

You're giving Fez a box
full of nudie magazines?

That's like giving a monkey
a loaded gun.

No, it's not.
A monkey with a loaded gun
can hurt a lot of people.

I can only hurt myself.

But a monkey with a loaded gun
would be an awesome tv show.

Everybody would be, like, "aw, don't
worry. It's just a monkey,"and then bam!

Thanks for taking me
to get my tai chi supplies.

What was that wonderful
store called again?

Point place meditation supply
and dried fruit depot.

Well, that is so clever.

Really?

Wow. Your clever threshold's
really low.

This colors a lot of the compliments
that you've given me.

I just love my new buddy.

I think it's called
a Buddha.

No, that is not even a word.

Next you'll tell me butter
is called "booder."

What's going on back here?

Hey, look!

You got a thing of me.

I am making this space
my tai chi area.

So you're gonna be
out here,

and I'll be in there
alone?

I love tai chi.

Eric, I got a job for you.

Go grab some cement
and secure that...

Bob statue.

Okay, if that's a job,
then how much does that pay?

It pays my foot
not going in your ass.

So it's on credit then.
Good.

Hey, Donna, look!

Ho, ho, ho!

I can't tell you how good it makes me
feel to look in here and see my own son.

How's it going?

Well, I'm kind of glad
there's not a window in here.

Probably would have
jumped out of it.

Ah, you kids
with your suicide jokes.

Finally finished.

Bad news, Hyde.

Sales decided it would be more efficient to whiteout
the credits and underline the debits instead.

But...

but...

but I underlined credits.

If you're interested,

I have some stuff that can
help you get through the day.

Oh, I'm interested.

Cool.

Wait.
What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

Licorice.

Get out of my office!

"Today is the first day
of the rest of your life."

...and finished.

Eric, this looks
nothing like me.

Oh, I wasn't drawing you. I just
wanted you to shut up for a little while.

Steven! How was
your first day at work?

Damn, Jackie, can't I sit down and
have a beer before you start in on me?

Sorry.

It's the store in skokie. The
numbers just don't add up.

Hey, have you guys seen Fez? He was supposed
to meet me at the hub an hour ago.

Where's the last place
you saw him?

Down in the basement
with a box full of playboys.

Oh, my god. I'll get
the first-aid kit.

We're too late.

He suffered
a massive horny attack.

We're gonna need some gatorade
and a couple of ice packs.

Back off! They're mine!
They're all mine!

Fez,

we're here to help you.

You need to stop, 'cause people
gotta sit on this couch.

Okay, I say we put him and
the couch out on the curb.

No.

Look, Fez...

There's a reason that these
magazines only come once a month.

You have to pace yourself.

Do something else besides
look at pornography.

What kind of a life
is that?

By the way,

any plans you had with me,

they're now off...

until further notice.

I'm having trouble
concentrating.

me too.
That dog is loud.

What dog?

Please stop barking, Schotzie.
Mommy's doing her tai chi.

it's not very considerate to bark during
mommy's quiet time, Schotzie.

shut your freakin' trap!

This is so soothing.

So, Steven, you're
first day at work.

I don't know how much longer
I'm gonna be working there.

I was getting a cup
of coffee, today..

This guy walks up to me and says,
"workin' hard or hardly workin'?"

I threw my powdered
milk at him.

See, that's what I'm looking forward
to about being an artist...

loving my job. And don't get
me wrong. It can be torture

waiting for inspiration to strike,
but it's nice, because

that gives me
time to go bowling.

Did you secure
that statue of Bob yet?

I didn't,

but I could give you an artist's
rendering of what that might look like.

You're gonna end up
selling women's shoes.

I don't know
if I can hack it,

working in an office.

My tolerance for following
directions is really low.

Which is ironic, because your
tolerance for other things is really high.

Steven, everybody goes
through the same thing,

but the misery that you feel now will eventually be broken up
by stretches of time where you will feel that you're happy.

Of course, you're not happy.

You're just too numb from your
hellish life to feel the pain.

How was your day, Red?

Pretty good, actually.

Hey, W.B., You got a sec?

Steven, I heard
what happened yesterday.

Perhaps I should have been more clear
about our milk-throwing policy.

Look, man,

I don't think
I can work here anymore.

Well, why not?

I just... I don't
belong here.

Denis?

Tuesdays, huh?

Get outta here!

- Look, I can't let you quit on me.
- You don't know me that well.

I've quit on a lot of people.

No, I mean
I won't let you quit.

You could have a really great future, but you
need somebody to help you get started.

I wasn't there for you when you were
growing up, so I want to do this.

Yeah, but a job?
Can't you just, like,

buy me a stereo?

You're the boss' son. You really
don't have to work that hard.

All right.
I'll give it a week.

But what am I supposed to do
with all those sales reports?

Just give 'em to Denis.
That's what I do.

Fez, are you okay?

I haven't seen you look this awful since you
found out Candyland's not a real country.

It's the bunnies, man.

I haven't slept in a week.

It's only been one day.

Fez, why would you
do this to yourself?

'Cause he can't get
anybody else to do it for him.

I don't have the willpower
to keep these magazines, Kelso.

I'm just a boy.

Well, I'd take 'em
off your hands, but

I don't want to actually
touch your hands.

Okay, buddy.

I think you're better off. Just
hand the magazines over to me.

All right.
Fez, you're not letting go.

Oh. Sorry.

You're still holding on.

Look, a robot!

Man, you fall
for that every time.

Yeah? Well, one day,
there's gonna be a robot,

and all you suckers
are gonna miss it.

Red, why are you out here?

I thought you were so excited
to have the house to yourself.

I got lonely.

I don't believe it.

They think I have "no artistic talent." You know, I'm beginning
to suspect that the cartoon academy of fort lauderdale

isn't that legitimate.

Okay. All right.
Schotzie,

it's time for you to have some
quiet time behind the wall.

Well, I guess it's back
to hand turkeys for me.

I don't know what that means,
but don't do it around here.

Schotzie?

You know, that statue was
supposed to bring you peace...

and in a way, it did.

Loving my job now, men.

Being the boss' son means never having to
say, "you'll have it by the end of the day."

Guys, Fez is really overdoing it
with the playboys.

This isn't like the time he ate a case of mars bars,
either. They can't pump your stomach for porn.

I'm not so much worried about Fez as
I am Schotzie.

He goes on the attack every time he sees
that Buddha statue.

And, weirdly, Bob.