That '70s Show (1998–2006): Season 5, Episode 13 - Your Time Is Gonna Come - full transcript

Okay, Fez, now remember.
The bra wants to come off.

It can't be forced.
It has to be coaxed.

And... go.

And they are out!

Eight seconds! That's a new
foreign exchange student record!

- And I think she liked it.
- Okay.

That was good, but remember, the real girl
will have a head and, hopefully, arms.

Hey, guys! Have I got
a surprise for me.

Annette!
( Chuckles )

Yeah. Annette came all the way
from California to visit me...

because we're in love.



Yeah, since Hyde stole my old
girlfriend-That's him.

Then I remembered Annette,
and, well, I gave her a call.

One thing led to anoth-
Well, hello there.

So, Annette, when you get
bored with this one...

I can take off a bra
in eight seconds.

Well, maybe more
if you fight me.

All right. Back off, Fez.
What me and Annette have is real.

Which is amazing because
I even told him...

that I used to be flat-chested
and have a different nose.

Yeah, and I figured she looks
okay now, so what the hell?

So, anyway. Annette,
you'll be staying with Donna.

Um, what?

No, no. It'll be fun. It'll be like having
a giant Barbie to play with.

Yeah. I mean, come on, Donna.
You guys were great friends in California.



Friends? The most I ever
said to her was...

''Yeah, those probably do hurt
when they're sunburned.''

Well, I need someplace
to stash her.

Yeah, I got a footlocker
in my room.

Please, Donna. I already had to take
a shower at Michael's house...

and one of his brothers
took a picture of me.

Kelso, I thought all your brothers
were out of the house.

Uh...

must've been a burglar.

( Rock Group Singing )

( Ends )

( Man Shouts Greeting )

So, that's the tramp Michael fooled
around with in California.

The nerve of him
bringing her into The Hub.

I mean, people eat here.

Hey, will you stop talking about how jealous
you are of Kelso's new chick?

Oh, I am not jealous...

but I would like to point out that the sign
on the door says, ''No dogs allowed.''

Donna, can we go to your house?
I have to change into my afternoon outfit-

gauchos and clogs.

Bravo.

Um, you have
an afternoon outfit?

Of course she does.

You can maybe use a little
freshening up too, Big D.

- Eric, do you mind?
- I'm on it.

Ow!

- Donna!
- Why don't I meet you guys by the car?

Come on, Michael. While we're waiting,
I'll let you smell my hair.

Yeah, well,
I just got these fries.

Fine. Then I'll go flirt
with the gas-station guy.

Fine! God.
How hot was that?

Wow.

You know when you have
a dirty dream?

Well, Annette is the girl
who's always in it.

Oh, she should be ashamed
of what she has done to me.

I don't know. I didn't
mind her in California...

but now that she's got her hooks in Kelso,
something's different.

Yeah. Something...
evil.

I just can't put
my finger on it.

Michael, I'm waiting!

I was getting you
a SuperBall. Damn!

I told you, I don't like
presents that bounce.

Did you hear that?
The shrill voice. The bossy tone.

The random hatred
of all things that bounce.

Oh, my God. She's Jackie.

- A new Jackie.
- A blondeJackie.

( Together)
''Blackie.''

We are doomed.

Well, I can't spend
the night alone with that.

Jackie, you have
to sleep in my house.

Ooh! Good idea. Put both Jackies
in the same room.

Toss some lipstick
in the middle...

watch 'em tear each other
to shreds.

No. No, no.
I don't wanna sleep over.

- Well, I don't like her.
- Come on.

We'll do, like, girlie things. It'll be like
a pajama party with makeovers.

Donna, I'm not interested
in stupid girlie things.

- Look, I'm not shallow anymore.
- ( Coughing )

Don't do that
when I'm eating.

Jackie, come on. You'll have all night
to chip away at her self-esteem.

We can whisper about her and when
she asks us what we were talking about...

we can giggle and say,
''Nothing.''

Oh, wait.
I've done that to you.

That's where I got it.

Okay. Okay. Here's what I think
would teach her a good lesson.

Dress her up like a Swiss mountain girl,
us fellas will come over...

make a couple of daiquiris,
get a little tipsy, see what happens.

What? Okay. That's not
a very good punishment.

We should spank her too.

- I don't hear any kids.
- They're at The Hub.

So, we have the house
to ourselves.

Interesting.

( Doorbell Rings )

Don't open it.
I'll throw in a foot massage.

It could be The Franklin Mint. I ordered those
Gone With the Wind plates.

Mom, Daddy.

I told you not to open it.

- What are you doing here?
- We just thought we'd drop by.

You came all the way
from Phoenix just to drop by.

Oh! So you're lost and you
need directions back home.

That's no problem. Go south
until you see cactus.

If you hit a guy with a sombrero,
you've gone too far.

Okay. Okay.

- Why are you really here?
- Well, we had a reversal of fortune.

- Tell them what happened.
- I bought an ostrich farm.

Tell them
what else happened.

It was next
to a coyote farm.

Great story. See you
at Christmas.

He lost all our money.

We had to sell the house in Phoenix,
which is why we're here.

An ostrich farm, Burt?

Who the hell wants
to eat an ostrich?

Coyotes, apparently.

You see what I live with?

Well, I'm sure Daddy was just doing
what he thought was best.

- You could show him some sympathy.
- Him?

What about me?

( Sighs ) It's always difficult
for the beautiful women.

You never understood that,
Kitty.

Jackie's acting
really strange, man.

I think she doesn't like
Kelso having a new chick.

No.Jackie's acting strange,
becauseJackie hates Annette...

becauseJackie and Annette
are the same person.

And that's scary, 'cause there can only
be one devil, one Hitler, one...

Darth Vader.

That's not it. Something's going on,
and I don't like it.

Like, you think, maybe she still
has feelings for Kelso?

I don't know,
but it's bad, man.

I got the same feeling
I get right before I shoplift something.

Oh, it's an old story.

Orphan boy falls
for rich girl.

Doofus shows up with whore.

Rich girl goes back
to doofus.

Fez consoles whore,
sexually.

And orphan boy ends up alone,
slowly going blind from self-abuse.

Too far?

I had a feeling it was too far.

What are you guys doin' sitting here
when the girls are having a pajama party...

right next door?

Oh, I can just imagine
what's going on over there.

No, no, Fez.
I got this one.

I know. Let's have
a pillow fight-

Even though it's hard to do when I'm
encumbered by all these clothes.

Jackie! Take off my nightie.

Not yet.
I wanna practice kissing.

Just kissing? Or can we
rub up against each other too?

Well, Annette, you can't
have one without the other.

( All ) Yea!

Yea.

You know, it occurs to me that you can see
right into Donna's house from my driveway.

You don't say?

I'm gonna go get
some CrackerJacks.

( Scoffs ) She's so cheap, she could be
the prize in the CrackerJacks.

Wow. You're jealous.

I am not jealous.

I just wanna pop that inflatable bitch
and watch her fly around the room.

Look, here's
the thing,Jackie.

Kelso likes bossy, vain,
shallow princess types...

and since you're no longer available,
he shipped one in from out West.

He's not supposed
to replace me.

He's supposed to sit around
and pine for me.

You can't have your cake
and eat it too.

Oh, my God! It is always about food with you.
It's like you're not even listening.

Okay. New rule
for slumber parties:

Annette wears a robe.

No, Annette, not the robe.

Quick. Somebody yell, ''Pillow fight,''
in a girl voice.

- Forman, that's your cue.
- What are you boys lookin' at?

- We're just testin' out the crates.
- For charity.

Right. But now that we're done,
let's head inside, gang.

- You coming?
- No, I told your grandmother...

I was comin' outside
for a cigarette.

- Grandpa, you smoke?
- Nope.

So, um-

So- So did you guys
hear about that woman...

who might be the first female
member of the Supreme Court?

No.

I did hear the Dallas Cowboys might hire
their first redheaded cheerleader.

Ew!

That's exactly what I said.

( Gasps )
Uh-oh.

Redhead in the room.

- ( Whispering )
- ( Giggling )

- What are you guys talking about?
- ( Together) Nothing.

- Burt! Burtikins!
- ( TV:Sports Crowd Cheering )

( Shouts )
Burt!

Eric, would you please
go find your grandfather...

before my head explodes.

You are all such nice boys.

I have a quarter
for each one of you.

( All )
Thanks, Grandma B.

- Someone call an ambulance.
- What's wrong?

Grandpa's on the ground.
He's not moving.

They got ice cream
in the cafeteria!

Ice cream? Kelso, my grandpa's
in intensive care.

Yeah, but I told 'em it was
my grandfather...

so I got the ice cream
for free.

- Put it down.
- Fine...

but when my burrito's ready,
I'm eatin' it.

Why does everybody
go everywhere with us?

Look at all these damn kids.

I feel like a Mormon.

Man. I feel like we should
know something by now.

That is the third coffee break
that doctor's had.

Hey, buddy! Quit the coffee,
fix the sickies, all right?

Hey, who took my ice cream?

Oh, sure. It's always
the foreign guy.

Fez, you're holding
the spoon.

Oh, sure. It's always
the foreign guy with the spoon.

Kitty, how's Burt?

Well...

I don't know
how to say this.

Daddy's gone to
a better place.

Good. 'Cause this
hospital sucks.

What?

Oh.

( Whispers )
This hospital sucks.

Mrs. Forman, I'm so
sorry for your loss.

The service was lovely.

Aw, geez.

Aw, geez.

- Aw-
- We got it, Bob.

Mom, how you doin'?

- Oh, I'm fine.
- Mom.

Your husband, my father, is gone.
You're not fine.

You're right. I think I chipped
a tooth on your manicotti.

When I die, get a caterer.

Hey, man. Sorry
about your grandpa.

I didn't know him, but there's a Carly Simon
song that always cheers me up.

- ( Clears Throat )
- No, you don't-

( Singing Ballad )

- Oh, that's great.
- ( Ends )

What do I do? Do I clap?

I'm just gonna walk away.

That was awesome.

Do you know ''Devil Went
Down To Georgia''?

No, Michael.
She's got better things to do.

Hey, come on!
Let's go try on people's coats.

So, the rich girl
goes off with the whore.

That's a happy ending.

Put it on ice
and you got yourself a show.

Yeah, soJackie and Annette
are friends now?

I guess I don't have
anything to worry about.

Never count Kelso out.
He's got a way about him.

You know, when he talks to you,
it's like you're the only one in the room.

You're, like, half in love
with him, aren't you?

Hey, Eric.
I brought you half a beer.

Well, it's mixed with half a Coke,
'cause Red caught me.

- So, are you okay?
- Yeah. I guess.

- Hey, thanks for coming.
- I'm really sorry about your grandfather.

I mean, right in your own driveway.
What was he doing out there anyway?

He caught us spying
on your slumber party.

You were spying on us?
Eric!

We- Okay. If anyone should be mad,
it should be us...

because, lady, you do not know
how to throw a slumber party.

Flannel pajamas?
What are you, a hundred?

You need a nightie?
I'll buy you a nightie.

So, am I allowed to drink
around you guys yet?

Eric, put that back.
That's your mother's emergency wine.

So, um,
Mom, you haven't said much.

Are you holding it in?
'Cause it's okay to let it out. We're family.

If anybody needs to let anything out,
I'd be happy to leave.

It's just so
typical of Burt...

to make everyone come up
from Phoenix in the middle of winter.

He never thought about anybody
but himself and those damned ostriches.

Did you hear that?
That is not grieving.

Okay, Kitty. Calm down.

It's not as bad as you think.
Maybe you're just having a hot flash.

Oh!

Dad, no.

Eric...

I need you
to get to the wine.

Father's thoughtless.
I'll tell her who's thoughtless.

What is it?

I, um,just
wanted to see...

if you wanted
another blanket.

Yes. That would be very nice.
Thank you.

Hey, Mom. Dad wanted me
to give you this.

Donna, great news.
I'm not jealous of Annette.

I thought I was, and I was afraid that
I might still have feelings for Michael.

But I got to know her
and now I really like her.

( Sighs ) That is such a relief
because, you know...

what with Burt dying,
I was worried about you.

- Yeah, me too.
- That was sarcasm.

Well, whatever it was,
it was very thoughtful.

It is such a relief knowing
I don't have feelings for Michael.

Get off my boyfriend!

Oh, yeah!

I don't know why she's so upset.
I was barely touching you.

Okay. This one's for Burt.

And a-one and a-two and a-

- ( Organ )
- ( Singing Spiritual )

Bring it home, brother!

- ( Ends )
- ( Organ Clicks Off)

Night-night.