That '70s Show (1998–2006): Season 5, Episode 10 - The Crunge - full transcript
Eric is mortified when he and, thanks to Kitty's ignorance about the rating system, everybody else, learn his SAT score is by far the worst of the basement gang. Disappointed dad Red makes Eric realize drooling for Donna is bad for his results, and he's determined to redeem himself, for starters by taking the SATs again, and asks dad to ground him; Donna is furious at him because his real aim is to do better then she. The others start dreaming about a fine future, Kelso even takes up reading, but Hyde refuses to apply himself to anything and convinces Jackie she should become their provider, while Fez is no longer content to be everyone's servant.
( No Audible Dialogue )
Guess what.
( Groans )
Nobody guess. It's always about boobs.
Oh, come on. Don't you want
to know what I have to say?
Man, I never know
what you have to say.
I mean, in your head
you're speaking English...
but when it comes out,
it's all buzzes and clicks.
Oh, really?
Well, I guess I was speaking
English to the S.A.T.'s...
because I got 1 ,000 points.
Oh, and last night on cable
I saw four boobs.
Wait. So the S.A.T.'s are in?
Donna, did you see
your scores yet?
- Yeah. This morning. I got a 1 230.
- What?
A 1 230? That's great.
Why didn't you say something?
Well, I didn't want to brag.
I mean, yeah, I kicked ass,
but it's no big deal.
Eric. Eric, honey.
I got the mail and your S.A.T.
envelope happened to be open...
and the letter just sort of
slid into my hand...
and I accidentally put on my
reading glasses, and I saw your score.
You got an 800.
I got an 800? That's it?
''That's it?''
If one hundred's an ''A,''
eight of them is an A-plus-plus.
No. No, Mrs. Forman.
An 800's not good.
I mean, a pigeon can peck
a better score than that.
Really?
Donna did better. Fez did too.
And his whole country's
made of bamboo.
This is awkward.
( Laughs )
I'll just, um-
I'll go home and take down the streamers.
Forman, the S.A.T.'s prove nothing.
I got a 950, and I don't
even have any textbooks.
Or a locker.
Wait, wait. A 950?
Steven, I knew it.
You do have potential.
Yeah. Imagine what I could do
if I only applied myself.
Oh, well. Guess we'll never know.
I just- I can't believe I got
the lowest score here.
Oh, Eric, someone
had to come in last.
There is no shame in that.
Well, there is a little shame.
Shame on you.
- ( Chuckling )
- Hey.
You know, who cares what
anyone got? It's just a stupid test.
You know what?
You're right. I don't care.
- I got a 1 030!
- ( Wails )
- ( Sobbing )
- Yeah!
I did good on a test, man.
Something's happening to me.
I'm blooming like a flower.
Whoo-hoo!
So the S.A.T.'s proved it.
Donna's the smart one.
Eric, on the other hand-
Well, I don't wanna say
there's a dumb one...
but there's two,
and he ain't the smart one.
That's where you're wrong, Bob.
Eric got an A-plus-plus.
Oh, uh...
no, see, uh, Red...
it turns out
Eric still did very well.
It's just, some other people did better.
- Donna?
- Yes.
- Steven?
- Yes.
Not the foreign kid.
Yes.
Kelso?
Yes.
He did worse than Kelso?
I watched that kid
glue his hand to his face.
You.
What happened on the S.A.T.'s?
Okay, you know he's
not good under pressure.
He can't pee in a public restroom
because there's an audience.
You know what? This is a family thing.
I'll leave you to it.
What's wrong with you?
I don't know. Maybe I'm not smart.
- Who says you're not smart?
- You.
When?
Always.
Your problem is you got
your head up your ass.
Your father's afraid
that you're spending...
a little too much time
on a high school romance.
That's right.
Donna gums up the works.
Whoa. It's not her fault, okay?
I was prepared for that test.
I had three sharp pencils.
That's one more
than recommended, by the way.
I remember sitting there,
filling out the little bubbles-
( Tires Squealing )
- Well, that was a blast.
- Sure was.
Now why don't you
point yourself toward my villa...
and park this thing in my garage?
Oh, I'm planning on that,
but what should I do with the car?
We better hurry.
We only have five minutes.
Well, that's four more
than I need, baby.
( Woman )
I repeat: There's only five minutes left...
in this section of the test.
Oh, my God.
Donna does gum up the works.
See? Now use what little brains
you've got and hit the books, dumb-ass.
Kelso, what the hell
are you doing with a book?
Reading.
( Both Laugh )
I am reading.
'Cause what good is having brains
if you got nothing up here?
- Hi.
- Hey.
So I saw my dad
in prison today.
Oh. How was it?
Well, at first it was a downer...
but then I realized that
I'll be okay without my dad...
because the S.A.T.'s prove that there's
another man who can take care of me.
You better be talking
about Santa Claus.
No, Steven, I'm talking about you.
Because you have potential.
He doesn't have potential.
I have potential.
Like, I'm reading Moby Dick,
and I'm not even halfway through...
and I can already
tell you the ending.
The whale is a robot.
Steven,just imagine
what your life would be like...
with the love and support
of a good woman.
( Chamber)
Oh! Thank God for your strong S.A.T.'s.
Now we don't have to be poor.
Not poor, indeed.
Basic math and verbal skills
are the ticket to great wealth...
- and therefore great happiness.
- Oh.
Poor person! Bring me a fancy cocktail.
It is my privilege
to wait on you, madam.
Oh, quite so, quite so.
All right. Enough with
the idle chatter. Go be poor.
Wait. Someone's playing
the harp in the corner?
'Cause if I'm rich,
I'm hiring, like,Jethro Tull.
Who cares?
It's the same thing every time-
I'm a butler, I'm a bellhop,
I'm a stable boy.
Well, I've had enough.
I will not wait on
you people anymore. Got it?
Good.
Now who wants a Popsicle?
Wow. Here's something I did not know.
They number every page.
Hey. You guys. You know how Red's always
telling me I need to buckle down?
It turns out he's right.
I do have to buckle down.
You sure do. He's got an 800.
There's your butler.
Man, how can I ever marry Donna?
I mean, I'm an idiot around her now,
and we're only engaged.
( Together)
What?
Oops.
- You're engaged?
- ( Chuckling )
No.
How could you
give her that ring?
You're in high school, man,
and according to the S.A.T.'s...
that's about as far
as you're gonna go.
Look.Just don't tell Donna
I told you, okay?
She'd kill me.
It's supposed to be a secret.
Of course she wants it a secret.
''I'm marrying dumb guy.''
Who wants that spread around?
You know, maybe Eric's
bad score is a blessing.
It'll be a good story
when he's a senator.
''Senator''?
The word you're looking for is ''janitor.''
Okay, see?
That's why Eric did so poorly on that test.
It's because you're too hard on him.
I have to be hard on him,
'cause you always baby him.
- Because you're so hard on him.
- You babied him before I was hard on him.
- Because you're so hard on him.
- You babied him before I was hard on him.
You were hard on him
when he was a baby.
Hey, I just found out
I can take the S.A.T.'s again.
I'm gonna- I'm gonna take it again,
and I'm gonna nail it.
I just gotta buckle down.
I'm gonna kick a little S.A.T. butt.
- Attaboy.
- Good for you.
Think he'll do any better?
- Eh.
- Yeah.
Hi. What are you doing?
Studying. I'd love to hang out,
but I've really gotta buckle down.
All right. Can I raid the fridge?
My dad wrote ''Save for Bob''
on all the food at our house.
Oops. I dropped the margarine.
Butterfingers.
It's so slippery I can barely
get my fingers around it.
( Sniffs )
Uh, I gotta go.
- Ground me.
- What?
I am not strong enough.
If I'm gonna shake this Donna thing...
I am gonna need
some serious discipline.
Please ground me.
You got it, pal.
You're grounded.
One more thing.
Donna's in the kitchen.
- I need you to get rid of her for me.
- Do I have to be nice about it?
- No.
- This is the happiest day of my life.
Hey. Hey, Steven. Great news.
I found a couple savings bonds...
- and I can cash them in
to help you pay for college.
-Jackie-
( Gasps )
You're going to college?
I am so happy.
( Laughs )
You were an orphan,
and we took you in. And now...
look at you.
I'm proud of you.
And that money that you've
been paying in rent?
I put it in a bank account for college.
Or bail. But this is better.
Okay, enough.
Jackie, college is a waste of time,
and I'm not going, okay?
- So just butt the hell out.
- No. No, Steven, I won't butt out...
because you need to be pushed,
and we need to think about our future.
Look. Even if we have a future,
it's not gonna be what you wanted.
It's gonna be more like-
Steven, do you think I'm fat?
I know you're fat.
Go get me a beer.
( Grunts )
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah. It ain't pretty.
( Groans )
Please tell me they won't
be living in our basement.
Well, we'll be dead by then.
Oh, good.
You grounded yourself?
What? Why would I do that?
Well, apparently, I ''gum up the works.''
Oh, good. So someone filled you in.
Yeah. Red-when he
kicked me out of your kitchen.
And then he locked the sliding door...
and stood there laughing and waving.
Eric, why are you
freaking out about this test?
I'm not. I'm gonna take it again,
and I'm gonna nail it.
Anything less than a 1 2 40
is unacceptable.
A 1 2 40? Hmm.
That's 1 0 more points than I got.
Really? That's weird.
You're threatened because
I got a better score than you.
- I just- I have to do better than you.
- Why?
Because I'm the man,
and the man's the man...
and that's just the way it is.
What did you say?
Uh-
I'm grounded.
Dad! Donna's up here.
- That's it.
- What's it?
This chapter just helped me
figure out the answer...
to you and Donna's problem,
vis-a-vis your crappy score.
''Vis-a-vis''?
It's a PBS word, Eric.
Stay with me here.
Yeah, I liken your situation
to that of Pavlov's dog.
You see, Pavlov was this science guy...
and every time his dog would
ring a bell, Pavlov would eat.
Are you sure it was the dog
who rang the bell?
Yeah. I mean, who else would it be?
Pavlov?
Well, that wouldn't be a trick, Eric.
What man can't ring a bell?
Anyway, every time that dog
would ring that bell...
old Pavlov would eat,
and then he would drool.
You just read that chapter
two seconds ago.
- Do you even want my help?
- No!
Your loss.
Okay. So what's wrong
with you and Donna?
She did better than me on that test...
and I'm sorry, but that
is just not gonna fly...
because I am the man and the man's
the man, and that's just the way it is.
Well, honey, everybody
has different skills.
I do better on tests
than your father...
but he's the one brave
enough to kill spiders.
And since we've been married,
how many tests have I taken? None.
How many spiders
has your father killed?
Hundreds.
But, Mom, spiders freak me out.
We all have different qualities.
But the thing to remember
is how you do on some silly test...
is much less important
than how you behave in real life.
I'll take a dummy
over a jackass any day.
So am I a dummy or a jackass?
Well, honey, right now you're both.
Okay, Steven, about
your vision of our future...
with you swilling beer
and me being fat?
That's not gonna happen,
because I'm not gonna be fat.
It's genetic.
That's true.
Her mother drinks
two bottles of wine a day...
and she looks damn good.
No, I've seen her vacuum
in her underwear.
- So what's your point?
- My point is she's frickin' hot.
Not you.
All I'm saying is that I've become
accustomed to a certain lifestyle...
and if you would just
live up to your potential-
I don't know why you're
talking to 950 guy over there.
I got a 1 030. I got 80 more potential.
Yeah, but Steven has my heart-
Which is why I want him to be rich.
I mean, think about all
the stuff you could buy for me.
Jackie...
why don't you earn your own money
and buy those things yourself?
Myself?
And I'm not like Forman. I have no
problem mooching off your success.
You know, you leave the room,
I steal some money from your purse.
You pretend I didn't,
but we both know I did.
That's the future I see for us.
Oh, Steven, that's beautiful.
Oh, wait. So you don't even care
that I did better than him?
Not really.
Well, if being smart isn't gonna
help me impress the chicks...
then I want no part of it.
I'm gonna go back to coasting
through life on my good looks.
Hey, and my brains will
always be there...
so if I ever need 'em
I'll just whip 'em out...
and use 'em like a secret
emergency rocket pack.
That's a good plan, man.
Hey, it beats the hell out of reading.
- Okay, Donna, look.
- Don't worry, Eric.
I'm only reading the funnies.
Business section's
for the man, right?
Donna, the thing is,
I'm a jackass and I know it.
Well, I know it too.
Look. Okay, the only reason
I said what I said is-
You agreed to marry me
before the facts were in, right?
So now I'm thinking
that maybe, you know...
you might want to trade up.
That's so stupid.
Okay, I swear to God, if one
more person calls me stupid today-
Eric-
Eric, my entire life...
everywhere I've gone
and everything I've done...
has been better because
you were there with me...
and no test score
is gonna change that.
Wow.
That was amazing.
Did you come up
with that yourself?
Well, I saw Mr. Ingalls say it to Mary
on Little House on the Prairie.
- Hmm.
- I just made it a test score instead of blindness.
But I- I still think it's true.
So, you're still glad we're engaged?
Of course.
Good. Hey, speaking of Little House-
Did you ever see that one where Laura...
accidentally told Kelso, Hyde, Fez and
Jackie that she was engaged to Donna?
Eric, are you kidding me?
God. You can't even keep a secret?
Hey, Donna, I got an 800.
We're lucky I can wash myself, okay?
Poor person!
Where's my drink?
Where's your drink?
What about my drink?
Next time you ask where
your drink is, it will be in your ass.
It's so hard to get good
poor people these days.
Guess what.
( Groans )
Nobody guess. It's always about boobs.
Oh, come on. Don't you want
to know what I have to say?
Man, I never know
what you have to say.
I mean, in your head
you're speaking English...
but when it comes out,
it's all buzzes and clicks.
Oh, really?
Well, I guess I was speaking
English to the S.A.T.'s...
because I got 1 ,000 points.
Oh, and last night on cable
I saw four boobs.
Wait. So the S.A.T.'s are in?
Donna, did you see
your scores yet?
- Yeah. This morning. I got a 1 230.
- What?
A 1 230? That's great.
Why didn't you say something?
Well, I didn't want to brag.
I mean, yeah, I kicked ass,
but it's no big deal.
Eric. Eric, honey.
I got the mail and your S.A.T.
envelope happened to be open...
and the letter just sort of
slid into my hand...
and I accidentally put on my
reading glasses, and I saw your score.
You got an 800.
I got an 800? That's it?
''That's it?''
If one hundred's an ''A,''
eight of them is an A-plus-plus.
No. No, Mrs. Forman.
An 800's not good.
I mean, a pigeon can peck
a better score than that.
Really?
Donna did better. Fez did too.
And his whole country's
made of bamboo.
This is awkward.
( Laughs )
I'll just, um-
I'll go home and take down the streamers.
Forman, the S.A.T.'s prove nothing.
I got a 950, and I don't
even have any textbooks.
Or a locker.
Wait, wait. A 950?
Steven, I knew it.
You do have potential.
Yeah. Imagine what I could do
if I only applied myself.
Oh, well. Guess we'll never know.
I just- I can't believe I got
the lowest score here.
Oh, Eric, someone
had to come in last.
There is no shame in that.
Well, there is a little shame.
Shame on you.
- ( Chuckling )
- Hey.
You know, who cares what
anyone got? It's just a stupid test.
You know what?
You're right. I don't care.
- I got a 1 030!
- ( Wails )
- ( Sobbing )
- Yeah!
I did good on a test, man.
Something's happening to me.
I'm blooming like a flower.
Whoo-hoo!
So the S.A.T.'s proved it.
Donna's the smart one.
Eric, on the other hand-
Well, I don't wanna say
there's a dumb one...
but there's two,
and he ain't the smart one.
That's where you're wrong, Bob.
Eric got an A-plus-plus.
Oh, uh...
no, see, uh, Red...
it turns out
Eric still did very well.
It's just, some other people did better.
- Donna?
- Yes.
- Steven?
- Yes.
Not the foreign kid.
Yes.
Kelso?
Yes.
He did worse than Kelso?
I watched that kid
glue his hand to his face.
You.
What happened on the S.A.T.'s?
Okay, you know he's
not good under pressure.
He can't pee in a public restroom
because there's an audience.
You know what? This is a family thing.
I'll leave you to it.
What's wrong with you?
I don't know. Maybe I'm not smart.
- Who says you're not smart?
- You.
When?
Always.
Your problem is you got
your head up your ass.
Your father's afraid
that you're spending...
a little too much time
on a high school romance.
That's right.
Donna gums up the works.
Whoa. It's not her fault, okay?
I was prepared for that test.
I had three sharp pencils.
That's one more
than recommended, by the way.
I remember sitting there,
filling out the little bubbles-
( Tires Squealing )
- Well, that was a blast.
- Sure was.
Now why don't you
point yourself toward my villa...
and park this thing in my garage?
Oh, I'm planning on that,
but what should I do with the car?
We better hurry.
We only have five minutes.
Well, that's four more
than I need, baby.
( Woman )
I repeat: There's only five minutes left...
in this section of the test.
Oh, my God.
Donna does gum up the works.
See? Now use what little brains
you've got and hit the books, dumb-ass.
Kelso, what the hell
are you doing with a book?
Reading.
( Both Laugh )
I am reading.
'Cause what good is having brains
if you got nothing up here?
- Hi.
- Hey.
So I saw my dad
in prison today.
Oh. How was it?
Well, at first it was a downer...
but then I realized that
I'll be okay without my dad...
because the S.A.T.'s prove that there's
another man who can take care of me.
You better be talking
about Santa Claus.
No, Steven, I'm talking about you.
Because you have potential.
He doesn't have potential.
I have potential.
Like, I'm reading Moby Dick,
and I'm not even halfway through...
and I can already
tell you the ending.
The whale is a robot.
Steven,just imagine
what your life would be like...
with the love and support
of a good woman.
( Chamber)
Oh! Thank God for your strong S.A.T.'s.
Now we don't have to be poor.
Not poor, indeed.
Basic math and verbal skills
are the ticket to great wealth...
- and therefore great happiness.
- Oh.
Poor person! Bring me a fancy cocktail.
It is my privilege
to wait on you, madam.
Oh, quite so, quite so.
All right. Enough with
the idle chatter. Go be poor.
Wait. Someone's playing
the harp in the corner?
'Cause if I'm rich,
I'm hiring, like,Jethro Tull.
Who cares?
It's the same thing every time-
I'm a butler, I'm a bellhop,
I'm a stable boy.
Well, I've had enough.
I will not wait on
you people anymore. Got it?
Good.
Now who wants a Popsicle?
Wow. Here's something I did not know.
They number every page.
Hey. You guys. You know how Red's always
telling me I need to buckle down?
It turns out he's right.
I do have to buckle down.
You sure do. He's got an 800.
There's your butler.
Man, how can I ever marry Donna?
I mean, I'm an idiot around her now,
and we're only engaged.
( Together)
What?
Oops.
- You're engaged?
- ( Chuckling )
No.
How could you
give her that ring?
You're in high school, man,
and according to the S.A.T.'s...
that's about as far
as you're gonna go.
Look.Just don't tell Donna
I told you, okay?
She'd kill me.
It's supposed to be a secret.
Of course she wants it a secret.
''I'm marrying dumb guy.''
Who wants that spread around?
You know, maybe Eric's
bad score is a blessing.
It'll be a good story
when he's a senator.
''Senator''?
The word you're looking for is ''janitor.''
Okay, see?
That's why Eric did so poorly on that test.
It's because you're too hard on him.
I have to be hard on him,
'cause you always baby him.
- Because you're so hard on him.
- You babied him before I was hard on him.
- Because you're so hard on him.
- You babied him before I was hard on him.
You were hard on him
when he was a baby.
Hey, I just found out
I can take the S.A.T.'s again.
I'm gonna- I'm gonna take it again,
and I'm gonna nail it.
I just gotta buckle down.
I'm gonna kick a little S.A.T. butt.
- Attaboy.
- Good for you.
Think he'll do any better?
- Eh.
- Yeah.
Hi. What are you doing?
Studying. I'd love to hang out,
but I've really gotta buckle down.
All right. Can I raid the fridge?
My dad wrote ''Save for Bob''
on all the food at our house.
Oops. I dropped the margarine.
Butterfingers.
It's so slippery I can barely
get my fingers around it.
( Sniffs )
Uh, I gotta go.
- Ground me.
- What?
I am not strong enough.
If I'm gonna shake this Donna thing...
I am gonna need
some serious discipline.
Please ground me.
You got it, pal.
You're grounded.
One more thing.
Donna's in the kitchen.
- I need you to get rid of her for me.
- Do I have to be nice about it?
- No.
- This is the happiest day of my life.
Hey. Hey, Steven. Great news.
I found a couple savings bonds...
- and I can cash them in
to help you pay for college.
-Jackie-
( Gasps )
You're going to college?
I am so happy.
( Laughs )
You were an orphan,
and we took you in. And now...
look at you.
I'm proud of you.
And that money that you've
been paying in rent?
I put it in a bank account for college.
Or bail. But this is better.
Okay, enough.
Jackie, college is a waste of time,
and I'm not going, okay?
- So just butt the hell out.
- No. No, Steven, I won't butt out...
because you need to be pushed,
and we need to think about our future.
Look. Even if we have a future,
it's not gonna be what you wanted.
It's gonna be more like-
Steven, do you think I'm fat?
I know you're fat.
Go get me a beer.
( Grunts )
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah. It ain't pretty.
( Groans )
Please tell me they won't
be living in our basement.
Well, we'll be dead by then.
Oh, good.
You grounded yourself?
What? Why would I do that?
Well, apparently, I ''gum up the works.''
Oh, good. So someone filled you in.
Yeah. Red-when he
kicked me out of your kitchen.
And then he locked the sliding door...
and stood there laughing and waving.
Eric, why are you
freaking out about this test?
I'm not. I'm gonna take it again,
and I'm gonna nail it.
Anything less than a 1 2 40
is unacceptable.
A 1 2 40? Hmm.
That's 1 0 more points than I got.
Really? That's weird.
You're threatened because
I got a better score than you.
- I just- I have to do better than you.
- Why?
Because I'm the man,
and the man's the man...
and that's just the way it is.
What did you say?
Uh-
I'm grounded.
Dad! Donna's up here.
- That's it.
- What's it?
This chapter just helped me
figure out the answer...
to you and Donna's problem,
vis-a-vis your crappy score.
''Vis-a-vis''?
It's a PBS word, Eric.
Stay with me here.
Yeah, I liken your situation
to that of Pavlov's dog.
You see, Pavlov was this science guy...
and every time his dog would
ring a bell, Pavlov would eat.
Are you sure it was the dog
who rang the bell?
Yeah. I mean, who else would it be?
Pavlov?
Well, that wouldn't be a trick, Eric.
What man can't ring a bell?
Anyway, every time that dog
would ring that bell...
old Pavlov would eat,
and then he would drool.
You just read that chapter
two seconds ago.
- Do you even want my help?
- No!
Your loss.
Okay. So what's wrong
with you and Donna?
She did better than me on that test...
and I'm sorry, but that
is just not gonna fly...
because I am the man and the man's
the man, and that's just the way it is.
Well, honey, everybody
has different skills.
I do better on tests
than your father...
but he's the one brave
enough to kill spiders.
And since we've been married,
how many tests have I taken? None.
How many spiders
has your father killed?
Hundreds.
But, Mom, spiders freak me out.
We all have different qualities.
But the thing to remember
is how you do on some silly test...
is much less important
than how you behave in real life.
I'll take a dummy
over a jackass any day.
So am I a dummy or a jackass?
Well, honey, right now you're both.
Okay, Steven, about
your vision of our future...
with you swilling beer
and me being fat?
That's not gonna happen,
because I'm not gonna be fat.
It's genetic.
That's true.
Her mother drinks
two bottles of wine a day...
and she looks damn good.
No, I've seen her vacuum
in her underwear.
- So what's your point?
- My point is she's frickin' hot.
Not you.
All I'm saying is that I've become
accustomed to a certain lifestyle...
and if you would just
live up to your potential-
I don't know why you're
talking to 950 guy over there.
I got a 1 030. I got 80 more potential.
Yeah, but Steven has my heart-
Which is why I want him to be rich.
I mean, think about all
the stuff you could buy for me.
Jackie...
why don't you earn your own money
and buy those things yourself?
Myself?
And I'm not like Forman. I have no
problem mooching off your success.
You know, you leave the room,
I steal some money from your purse.
You pretend I didn't,
but we both know I did.
That's the future I see for us.
Oh, Steven, that's beautiful.
Oh, wait. So you don't even care
that I did better than him?
Not really.
Well, if being smart isn't gonna
help me impress the chicks...
then I want no part of it.
I'm gonna go back to coasting
through life on my good looks.
Hey, and my brains will
always be there...
so if I ever need 'em
I'll just whip 'em out...
and use 'em like a secret
emergency rocket pack.
That's a good plan, man.
Hey, it beats the hell out of reading.
- Okay, Donna, look.
- Don't worry, Eric.
I'm only reading the funnies.
Business section's
for the man, right?
Donna, the thing is,
I'm a jackass and I know it.
Well, I know it too.
Look. Okay, the only reason
I said what I said is-
You agreed to marry me
before the facts were in, right?
So now I'm thinking
that maybe, you know...
you might want to trade up.
That's so stupid.
Okay, I swear to God, if one
more person calls me stupid today-
Eric-
Eric, my entire life...
everywhere I've gone
and everything I've done...
has been better because
you were there with me...
and no test score
is gonna change that.
Wow.
That was amazing.
Did you come up
with that yourself?
Well, I saw Mr. Ingalls say it to Mary
on Little House on the Prairie.
- Hmm.
- I just made it a test score instead of blindness.
But I- I still think it's true.
So, you're still glad we're engaged?
Of course.
Good. Hey, speaking of Little House-
Did you ever see that one where Laura...
accidentally told Kelso, Hyde, Fez and
Jackie that she was engaged to Donna?
Eric, are you kidding me?
God. You can't even keep a secret?
Hey, Donna, I got an 800.
We're lucky I can wash myself, okay?
Poor person!
Where's my drink?
Where's your drink?
What about my drink?
Next time you ask where
your drink is, it will be in your ass.
It's so hard to get good
poor people these days.