That '70s Show (1998–2006): Season 4, Episode 24 - That '70s Musical - full transcript
The others all react blasé, except Kitty, when Fez reminds them tomorrow is the spring musical he has been preparing for enthusiastically for weeks. In his innocent dream, Fez is a real ...
Okay, my friends. Invitations to see Fez
in tonight's Spring Sing...
charmingly illustrated
by the hand of Fez.
Great, something
to put my gum in.
Just kidding.
Oh, man, this
concert's tonight?
Yes, it's tonight. I've been
talking about it for weeks!
- Don't you listen to me?
- Fez, I don't know what
you're getting so upset about.
- You know we don't listen to you.
- Yeah, I don't know, Fez.
I mean, I'm still kind of tired
from the party last night.
Party? What party?
You know, the party.
You were there.
No, I do not know,
and I was not there.
- Someone forgot to tell me.
- Wait, are you sure?
'Cause I could have sworn
you were there.
Remember when the college girl got up
on the table and took her top off?
- What?
- Yeah, that was great, man.
Wait, even Smokey
the Bear was there?
Fine. Fine,
what's done is done.
The important thing is where you're going
to be tonight- at my concert watching me.
Oh, it's gonna be
such a wonderful evening.
Music, good friends and dancing.
Just like life...
should be.
( Rock )
Sing, sing a song,
Sing out loud,
sing out strong,
Sing of good things not bad man...
Sing of happy not sad...
La la la la la la la la la la la...
Sing, sing a song,
Make it simple,
to last your whole life long.
Don't worry that it's not good enough
for anyone else to hear.
Just sing.
Sing a song.
This is my favorite part.
( Rock And Roll Flourish )
( Ends )
So, what do you think?
I think whatever you're on,
I'll take two of'em.
Hangin'out
Down the street
The same old thing
We did last week
Not a thing to do
But talk to you
We're all all right
We're all all right
Hello, Wisconsin!
Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La, Ti, Dooo.
Perfecto.
Oh, Fez, was that you?
I could have sworn
I just heard Wayne Newton.
Mr. and Mrs. Forman!
You came to my concert!
Well, it's the Spring Sing.
There is no place we'd
rather be than the Spring Sing.
Now, Kitty,
that's just a lie.
Ay, here comes my music teacher,
Mr. Wilkinson.
He is unpleasant.
Are you the parents of
this horrible little man?
I'll have you know, he's been
imitating my accent behind my back.
Well, first of all,
we are not his parents...
and second of all-
Well, the rest of it,
I just don't care about.
I'm moving you
to the back row...
so that no one can hear that squawk box
that you call a voice.
The back row? But the back row is for
the untalented and the ugly!
- Ay, you are no fun.
- Music is not about fun.
It's about passion
and commitment.
Have you ever been moved to tears
by the warbling timbre of your own voice?
No, because I am a man.
( Sighs )
Well, he just, um-
He doesn't seem
to like you at all.
The British have
always hated my people.
We won the war, buddy.
Get over it!
Oh, good one, Fez.
Well, you certainly
seem in high spirits.
Of course.
Soon all of my friends are gonna be here...
and we'll be
all like a family.
I wish you
were my family.
Oh, we would be
so happy together.
Okay, kids,
it's nighty-night time.
- Good night, Mom.
- Night, Ma.
- ( Kisses )
- That's my mama!
I love you, Fez.
I love you more!
I love you the most!
Daddy!
All right.
Sleep tight.
And don't let the bed bugs
put their foot in your ass.
- ( Laughing )
- ( Kitty ) Okay, boys, lights out.!
And no more staying up till 8:30
giving each other hugs!
- ( All Groaning )
- See you in the morning.
( Alarm Ringing )
( Rock )
- Imagine me and you...
- I do.
I think about you day and night...
It's only right...
To think about the one you love...
And holding tight...
So happy together!
We're happy together!
- Are you people singing again?
- Yes?
Good, 'cause-
I can't see me loving no body
but you for all my life
When you're with me
baby the skies'll be blue for all my life
Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice,
it has to be
The only one for me is you,
and you for me
So happy together!
I can't see me lovin' nobody but you...
for all my life.
When you're with me,
baby the skies'll be blue...
for all my life...
( Engine Revving )
So happy together...
So how is the weather?
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Well, that was...
detailed.
You are one fruity kid.
Now, remember...
singing is all about
the use of the diaphragm.
- ( Inhales )
- ( Giggling )
( Sighs )
And what's so funny about
the proper use of the diaphragm?
It's the muscle
you breathe with.
- Below your bosom!
- ( Giggling )
Oh! Bloody imbeciles.
So, this must be a very
exciting night for you.
Yes, yes.
If the mayor likes what he sees...
I'll be directing this year's
Dairy Days Dance-abration.
Oh, that is
always wonderful.
One time, they had
a quartet dressed as cows...
and they sang
''Blue Moo-oo-oon.''
( Laughs )
'Cause they were cows!
Yes, I'm sure you thick-headed Americans
could hardly contain your grunts.
Well, I thought
it was delightful.
Hey, everybody!
Bob! Hey, I saved seats
for you and the gang.
- Oh, I don't think they're coming.
- Of course they are.
Well, you know, I asked if they
needed a ride, but they said, ''No.''
When I left, they were just
sittin' in the basement, laughin'.
But the show's
about to start.
Ooh! Then I better get
to the refreshment table.
Did you know that all
that stuff was free?
It says donations accepted,
but you don't gotta put nothin' in.
My friends are still
in the basement?
- I wonder what they're doing.
- Oh, I'm sure they're just-
Miss Kitty, please!
I'm trying to wonder.
Ooh, guys. Fez's concert
is about to start-
Which means we have
three more hours without his sorry ass!
Let's eat his candy!
Yeah. ( Imitating Fez )
My name is Fez.
I love candy. Whore!
Good day. I said, good day!
Yeah, and the best part is,
that idiot actually thinks I'm his friend.
( Scoffs ) Like I care.
I wish he were dead.
Oh, hey,
we should kill him!
No, I got a better idea.
Let's sing without him!
Some people call me
the space cowboy, yeah
Yeah!
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
( Guitar Notes )
Cause I speak of the pompitous of love
Cause I'm a picker, I'm a grinner,
I'm a lover and I'm a sinner
I get my lovin' on the run
I'm a joker, I'm a smoker,
I'm a midnight toker
Play my music in the sun...
( Guitar Solo )
( Ends )
So, they would rather make
fun of me than come here.
Well, honey, you know,
at least they're singing-
like you'll be doin'
real soon.
Happy song! Happy song!
Is there a bar here?
You know, last night they went
to a party without me-
a topless party.
- What?
- Where?
They were the first people to be nice
to me when I came to America...
but maybe I am
not their friend.
Maybe I am just
a goofy foreign kid.
Well, can't you be both?
I would settle for friend,
but I don't even think I am that.
Well, you still got ''goofy foreign kid.''
That's something.
( Marching Band )
Well, the butts
are in the seats...
but not one butt
is the butt of a friend.
Well, this is just rude.
They better have run out of gas or hit
a deer or something.
Okay, places everyone!
Let's show them what we've got.
Teeth and cleavage!
Teeth and cleavage!
Well, that does it!
Now I am mad!
All they care about is themselves
and their stupid, messed-up relationships.
Boo-hoo! Love hurts!
Well they deserve it!
Aw, geez, not another one.
( Groans )
Do we really have to go see that foreign boy sing?
I'm not going.
I'm in too much pain
from our breakup.
Even though it was months ago,
it still affects every part of my life.
Me, me, me!
No! Me, me, me!
Wait. What about
me, me, me?
- Me!
- Me!
- Me!
( All )
Me!
( Rock Ballad )
Love hurts, love scars...
Love wounds, love mars...
Any heart, not tough...
Or strong, enough...
Take a lot of pain,
take a lot of pain...
Love is like a cloud...
It holds a lot of rain...
Love hurts...
Ooh ooh love hurts
( Disco )
Love hurts, love scars,
love wounds, love mars.
Hurts! Scars!
Wounds! Mars!
( Rock Ballad Resumes )
I know it isn't true
I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie
Made to make you blue
Love hurts.
Love hurts.
( Ends )
Wow, I just caught the end,
but that was nice.
- Leo, you made it.
- What, this?
No, I got this
at a church sale.
Hey, where's that dude...
and that other dude,
and that girl...
and that dude,
and the other girl?
They're not here.
It's just me alone- always alone.
( Sighs )
Imagine me and you...
I do...
So happy...
( Sniffs )
Together...
Aw, forget it.
I'm going home!
Hi, Fez!
Where the hell
have you been?
Well, we were on our way here when we
passed by your music teacher's house.
And I said, ''Fez hates that guy.
Let's toilet-paper it!'' So-
So we did!
( No Audible Dialogue )
( No Audible Dialogue )
- For me?
- Yeah, and then we had to go get some dog poop...
'cause we looked at his porch and realized,
''Hey, Not enough dog poop.''
( No Audible Dialogue )
( No Audible Dialogue )
There's enough
dog poop now.
And we got you
an opening-night present.
- Congratulations, buddy!
- ( Laughs )
Bloody hell,
is that my mailbox?
( Imitating Wilkinson )
Bloody 'ell, is that me mailbox?
- ( Laughs ) That's dead on!
- Yes, I'm sure you'll all remember this fondly...
as you rot
in your Barcaloungers...
cheeseburgers clenched
in your fat American fists!
You got that right, buddy!
Aw. Look who has
so many friends!
Don't ever leave him
alone with us again.
I'm so glad you came. Tonight wouldn't
mean anything without you guys.
Aw, Fez,
we wouldn't miss it.
- I mean-
- There's nothing more that I like to do,
then take the stage and dance with you.
Keep dancing, let's keep dancing...
Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah,
Shake it, shake it.
Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah,
Shake it, shake it.
Show the world we can dance,
bad enough to strut our stuff.
Funky sounds wall to wall,
we're bumpin' booties
havin' us a ball, y'all.
Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah...
Shake it, shake it.
Shake your groove thing...
Shake your groove thing...
Yeah, yeah!
Show 'em how to do it now!
Shake your groove thing...
Shake your groove thing
Yeah, yeah!
Show them how to do it now,
show them how to do it now.
( Guitar Solo )
Shake it, shake it!
Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah.
Shake it, shake it!
Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah.
Shake it, shake it!
Ah! Shake it, shake it!
Ah! Shake it, shake it!
Oooooh!
Boy, do I know how
to shake it.
Imbecile, you're on!
Well, that's my cue!
This is just like A Star Is Born,
and I am Barbra Streisand.
Love me!
I'm so happy to be back home
with my friends.
Some people call me the space cowboy...
No, nobody calls you that.
And if anyone's
the space cowboy, it's me.
What?
In your dreams, Forman.
I am widely acknowledged
as the space cowboy of this group.
And I also call
''midnight toker.''
Wow. This cheeseburger
is bloody brilliant.
Love hurts, love wounds
( Screams )
Dude, come here.
I can't see me lovin' nobody but you...
for all my life
Good, 'cause-
I can't see me loving no body
( Woman )
Cut!
- You had it!
- That was your best one!
Ah! Shake it, shake it!
Oooh!
- ( Woman ) Cut!
- ( All Laughing )
in tonight's Spring Sing...
charmingly illustrated
by the hand of Fez.
Great, something
to put my gum in.
Just kidding.
Oh, man, this
concert's tonight?
Yes, it's tonight. I've been
talking about it for weeks!
- Don't you listen to me?
- Fez, I don't know what
you're getting so upset about.
- You know we don't listen to you.
- Yeah, I don't know, Fez.
I mean, I'm still kind of tired
from the party last night.
Party? What party?
You know, the party.
You were there.
No, I do not know,
and I was not there.
- Someone forgot to tell me.
- Wait, are you sure?
'Cause I could have sworn
you were there.
Remember when the college girl got up
on the table and took her top off?
- What?
- Yeah, that was great, man.
Wait, even Smokey
the Bear was there?
Fine. Fine,
what's done is done.
The important thing is where you're going
to be tonight- at my concert watching me.
Oh, it's gonna be
such a wonderful evening.
Music, good friends and dancing.
Just like life...
should be.
( Rock )
Sing, sing a song,
Sing out loud,
sing out strong,
Sing of good things not bad man...
Sing of happy not sad...
La la la la la la la la la la la...
Sing, sing a song,
Make it simple,
to last your whole life long.
Don't worry that it's not good enough
for anyone else to hear.
Just sing.
Sing a song.
This is my favorite part.
( Rock And Roll Flourish )
( Ends )
So, what do you think?
I think whatever you're on,
I'll take two of'em.
Hangin'out
Down the street
The same old thing
We did last week
Not a thing to do
But talk to you
We're all all right
We're all all right
Hello, Wisconsin!
Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La, Ti, Dooo.
Perfecto.
Oh, Fez, was that you?
I could have sworn
I just heard Wayne Newton.
Mr. and Mrs. Forman!
You came to my concert!
Well, it's the Spring Sing.
There is no place we'd
rather be than the Spring Sing.
Now, Kitty,
that's just a lie.
Ay, here comes my music teacher,
Mr. Wilkinson.
He is unpleasant.
Are you the parents of
this horrible little man?
I'll have you know, he's been
imitating my accent behind my back.
Well, first of all,
we are not his parents...
and second of all-
Well, the rest of it,
I just don't care about.
I'm moving you
to the back row...
so that no one can hear that squawk box
that you call a voice.
The back row? But the back row is for
the untalented and the ugly!
- Ay, you are no fun.
- Music is not about fun.
It's about passion
and commitment.
Have you ever been moved to tears
by the warbling timbre of your own voice?
No, because I am a man.
( Sighs )
Well, he just, um-
He doesn't seem
to like you at all.
The British have
always hated my people.
We won the war, buddy.
Get over it!
Oh, good one, Fez.
Well, you certainly
seem in high spirits.
Of course.
Soon all of my friends are gonna be here...
and we'll be
all like a family.
I wish you
were my family.
Oh, we would be
so happy together.
Okay, kids,
it's nighty-night time.
- Good night, Mom.
- Night, Ma.
- ( Kisses )
- That's my mama!
I love you, Fez.
I love you more!
I love you the most!
Daddy!
All right.
Sleep tight.
And don't let the bed bugs
put their foot in your ass.
- ( Laughing )
- ( Kitty ) Okay, boys, lights out.!
And no more staying up till 8:30
giving each other hugs!
- ( All Groaning )
- See you in the morning.
( Alarm Ringing )
( Rock )
- Imagine me and you...
- I do.
I think about you day and night...
It's only right...
To think about the one you love...
And holding tight...
So happy together!
We're happy together!
- Are you people singing again?
- Yes?
Good, 'cause-
I can't see me loving no body
but you for all my life
When you're with me
baby the skies'll be blue for all my life
Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice,
it has to be
The only one for me is you,
and you for me
So happy together!
I can't see me lovin' nobody but you...
for all my life.
When you're with me,
baby the skies'll be blue...
for all my life...
( Engine Revving )
So happy together...
So how is the weather?
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Well, that was...
detailed.
You are one fruity kid.
Now, remember...
singing is all about
the use of the diaphragm.
- ( Inhales )
- ( Giggling )
( Sighs )
And what's so funny about
the proper use of the diaphragm?
It's the muscle
you breathe with.
- Below your bosom!
- ( Giggling )
Oh! Bloody imbeciles.
So, this must be a very
exciting night for you.
Yes, yes.
If the mayor likes what he sees...
I'll be directing this year's
Dairy Days Dance-abration.
Oh, that is
always wonderful.
One time, they had
a quartet dressed as cows...
and they sang
''Blue Moo-oo-oon.''
( Laughs )
'Cause they were cows!
Yes, I'm sure you thick-headed Americans
could hardly contain your grunts.
Well, I thought
it was delightful.
Hey, everybody!
Bob! Hey, I saved seats
for you and the gang.
- Oh, I don't think they're coming.
- Of course they are.
Well, you know, I asked if they
needed a ride, but they said, ''No.''
When I left, they were just
sittin' in the basement, laughin'.
But the show's
about to start.
Ooh! Then I better get
to the refreshment table.
Did you know that all
that stuff was free?
It says donations accepted,
but you don't gotta put nothin' in.
My friends are still
in the basement?
- I wonder what they're doing.
- Oh, I'm sure they're just-
Miss Kitty, please!
I'm trying to wonder.
Ooh, guys. Fez's concert
is about to start-
Which means we have
three more hours without his sorry ass!
Let's eat his candy!
Yeah. ( Imitating Fez )
My name is Fez.
I love candy. Whore!
Good day. I said, good day!
Yeah, and the best part is,
that idiot actually thinks I'm his friend.
( Scoffs ) Like I care.
I wish he were dead.
Oh, hey,
we should kill him!
No, I got a better idea.
Let's sing without him!
Some people call me
the space cowboy, yeah
Yeah!
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
( Guitar Notes )
Cause I speak of the pompitous of love
Cause I'm a picker, I'm a grinner,
I'm a lover and I'm a sinner
I get my lovin' on the run
I'm a joker, I'm a smoker,
I'm a midnight toker
Play my music in the sun...
( Guitar Solo )
( Ends )
So, they would rather make
fun of me than come here.
Well, honey, you know,
at least they're singing-
like you'll be doin'
real soon.
Happy song! Happy song!
Is there a bar here?
You know, last night they went
to a party without me-
a topless party.
- What?
- Where?
They were the first people to be nice
to me when I came to America...
but maybe I am
not their friend.
Maybe I am just
a goofy foreign kid.
Well, can't you be both?
I would settle for friend,
but I don't even think I am that.
Well, you still got ''goofy foreign kid.''
That's something.
( Marching Band )
Well, the butts
are in the seats...
but not one butt
is the butt of a friend.
Well, this is just rude.
They better have run out of gas or hit
a deer or something.
Okay, places everyone!
Let's show them what we've got.
Teeth and cleavage!
Teeth and cleavage!
Well, that does it!
Now I am mad!
All they care about is themselves
and their stupid, messed-up relationships.
Boo-hoo! Love hurts!
Well they deserve it!
Aw, geez, not another one.
( Groans )
Do we really have to go see that foreign boy sing?
I'm not going.
I'm in too much pain
from our breakup.
Even though it was months ago,
it still affects every part of my life.
Me, me, me!
No! Me, me, me!
Wait. What about
me, me, me?
- Me!
- Me!
- Me!
( All )
Me!
( Rock Ballad )
Love hurts, love scars...
Love wounds, love mars...
Any heart, not tough...
Or strong, enough...
Take a lot of pain,
take a lot of pain...
Love is like a cloud...
It holds a lot of rain...
Love hurts...
Ooh ooh love hurts
( Disco )
Love hurts, love scars,
love wounds, love mars.
Hurts! Scars!
Wounds! Mars!
( Rock Ballad Resumes )
I know it isn't true
I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie
Made to make you blue
Love hurts.
Love hurts.
( Ends )
Wow, I just caught the end,
but that was nice.
- Leo, you made it.
- What, this?
No, I got this
at a church sale.
Hey, where's that dude...
and that other dude,
and that girl...
and that dude,
and the other girl?
They're not here.
It's just me alone- always alone.
( Sighs )
Imagine me and you...
I do...
So happy...
( Sniffs )
Together...
Aw, forget it.
I'm going home!
Hi, Fez!
Where the hell
have you been?
Well, we were on our way here when we
passed by your music teacher's house.
And I said, ''Fez hates that guy.
Let's toilet-paper it!'' So-
So we did!
( No Audible Dialogue )
( No Audible Dialogue )
- For me?
- Yeah, and then we had to go get some dog poop...
'cause we looked at his porch and realized,
''Hey, Not enough dog poop.''
( No Audible Dialogue )
( No Audible Dialogue )
There's enough
dog poop now.
And we got you
an opening-night present.
- Congratulations, buddy!
- ( Laughs )
Bloody hell,
is that my mailbox?
( Imitating Wilkinson )
Bloody 'ell, is that me mailbox?
- ( Laughs ) That's dead on!
- Yes, I'm sure you'll all remember this fondly...
as you rot
in your Barcaloungers...
cheeseburgers clenched
in your fat American fists!
You got that right, buddy!
Aw. Look who has
so many friends!
Don't ever leave him
alone with us again.
I'm so glad you came. Tonight wouldn't
mean anything without you guys.
Aw, Fez,
we wouldn't miss it.
- I mean-
- There's nothing more that I like to do,
then take the stage and dance with you.
Keep dancing, let's keep dancing...
Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah,
Shake it, shake it.
Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah,
Shake it, shake it.
Show the world we can dance,
bad enough to strut our stuff.
Funky sounds wall to wall,
we're bumpin' booties
havin' us a ball, y'all.
Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah...
Shake it, shake it.
Shake your groove thing...
Shake your groove thing...
Yeah, yeah!
Show 'em how to do it now!
Shake your groove thing...
Shake your groove thing
Yeah, yeah!
Show them how to do it now,
show them how to do it now.
( Guitar Solo )
Shake it, shake it!
Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah.
Shake it, shake it!
Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah.
Shake it, shake it!
Ah! Shake it, shake it!
Ah! Shake it, shake it!
Oooooh!
Boy, do I know how
to shake it.
Imbecile, you're on!
Well, that's my cue!
This is just like A Star Is Born,
and I am Barbra Streisand.
Love me!
I'm so happy to be back home
with my friends.
Some people call me the space cowboy...
No, nobody calls you that.
And if anyone's
the space cowboy, it's me.
What?
In your dreams, Forman.
I am widely acknowledged
as the space cowboy of this group.
And I also call
''midnight toker.''
Wow. This cheeseburger
is bloody brilliant.
Love hurts, love wounds
( Screams )
Dude, come here.
I can't see me lovin' nobody but you...
for all my life
Good, 'cause-
I can't see me loving no body
( Woman )
Cut!
- You had it!
- That was your best one!
Ah! Shake it, shake it!
Oooh!
- ( Woman ) Cut!
- ( All Laughing )