That '70s Show (1998–2006): Season 4, Episode 10 - Red and Stacey - full transcript
Fez is dating Big Rhonda, who just returned from Mississippi and gets Donna and Jackie to give her feminine advice to become more desirable, but he still prefers her as she was. Red is charmed by assertive new Pricemart cash register clerk Stacey, so he tries to set her up with Eric, but she is more interested in- Forman Senior, who was already wrestling with intimacy with Kitty on the clock .
So, what are you boys
doing tonight?
Well, this evening, Miss Big Rhonda
returns from the dirt farms of Mississippi.
I am off to the bus station...
and she will melt
into my loving arms.
Well, you better wear a raincoat,
'cause she ain't small.
She is big, isn't she?
Well, I'm taking
this chick up to the lake for some...
you know, bird-watching.
Ooh, bird-watching.
I think me and Jackie are going
to go "bird-watching" too.
It's cool, 'cause they don't know
what we're talking about.
Think they cracked it, Kelso.
Well, I guess it's just us Three Musketeers
tonight, huh?
"All for one and one for all," right?
Well, um, actually...
your father and I were
gonna do some reading...
upstairs...
together.
What your mom's trying to say is,
"Go away for 20 minutes."
Forty-five minutes, Red.
- Thirty.
- Thirty-five.
Fine.
Get lost for 35 minutes.
Fine. But you know what?
I got a little question for you.
Why have kids if you ain't
gonna spend time with them?
I suggest you use your 35 minutes
to think about that.
He needs a new girlfriend.
Come on, Kitty.
You're on the clock.
Oh, you know what? Just turn off your clock.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
You can't turn off the clock!
She doesn't understand the clock.
Cocoa Puff!
Mashed potato!
- What are you doing here?
- Well, I wanted to see you...
because I wanted
to ask you something.
- Will you go out with me this Saturday?
- Oh, my God.
Course I will!
Can't...
breathe.
- It hurts.
- Ah, suck it up.
Wow, strong girl.
Crap-alula.
Fez just asked me out.
I'm so nervous, and I left
my asthma puffer in Mississippi.
I've never been on a real date.
What am I gonna wear?
Who cares?
You could be naked with a welding hat...
and Fez'd still be all over you.
Well, that sounds fun.
But I want it to be special.
- You know what? We'll help you get ready.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, that'll be great. I wanna look pretty.
Pretty?
Oh, sweetie, maybe you can
learn some jokes or something.
Look, dropout, this coupon says
20 cents off the athlete's-foot cream.
- So pay up!
- Is there, uh, a problem here?
This sad little man
has fungussy feet but won't spend the 20...
Stacy.
Mr. Forman, his coupon expired.
Oh, that's all right.
Here's your 20 cents.
Now, you come again, huh?
- Mushroom foot.
- Stacy!
I'm sorry, Mr. Forman.
It's just that he's such a dumb-ass.
I like you.
Hey, you know who I like?
Nixon?
Stacy, that cute, new cashier at work.
You should ask her out.
Sorry, Dad. I don't like to
dip my pen in the company ink.
Well, I don't like you being home
three Fridays in a row.
Look, if you don't have
the guts to talk to her...
- I'll pave the way.
- Hey.
Listen, if anyone's
gonna talk to her...
I'll talk to her.
Well, then we know
no one's gonna talk to her.
Hey, I might.
You...
You still like girls, don't you, Son?
No, Dad, they're yucky.
Oh, my God.
I know. She is seriously hot.
No, not her. This KISS alarm clock.
Check it out.
Wake up.
Yeah, this I like.
Forman, you have a responsibility
to all of us...
to find out what's
underneath that smock.
I bet it's boobs.
So, spying on her, huh?
Well, that's mature.
Why don't you just
pull her hair and run?
- Yes, let's do that.
- All right. All right, all right.
All right.
All right.
I'm gonna go do this.
- Yeah, all right. I can't do this.
- Oh, geez.
- I'll go talk to her.
- No!
What? Now you're gonna
start listening to me?
Go!
Grease the wheels, pal.
Thanks for doing this.
I know you guys'll
make me pretty and stuff.
Rhonda, it's no problem.
We'll just help you pick some nice clothes...
clean clothes... and...
maybe do your hair...
clean hair.
Okay,
the beauty ambulance has arrived!
So, first things first.
Let's get rid of those shoulder pads.
What shoulder pads?
Okay.
So, Stacy,
my son Eric is about your age.
And he's a real nice guy...
skinny but nice.
And I was thinking...
the two of you should go out.
What do you say?
Well, I kinda like someone else.
Oh!
Oh.
Oh...
no.
Hey.
- So, did she like me?
- Who?
- Stacy.
- Who's Stacy?
- She's not interested.
- She's not interested?
How can she not be interested?
Who is she?
See? I knew I shouldn't have let you talk
to her. Great. Now she thinks I'm a freak.
Oh, she doesn't think you're a freak.
Does she?
Yes. Yes, she does.
- You better stay away from her.
- Well, your father's right.
If anyone's a freak, she is.
Did Stacy actually
use the word "freak"?
Why don't you just let it go?
Maybe the reason girls
don't like you...
is because you
just don't let things go!
Stacy was saying just that thing today.
I'm gonna go take a bath.
Well, now, who is this Stacy
who doesn't like my son?
I have half a mind to call her mother.
I tried to set Eric up
with this pretty girl at wor...
Well... not pretty.
Decent.
Less ugly than most.
Good enough for a young boy, but...
no man would be interested.
Red, what are you talking about?
Why can't anyone in this family
just let things go?
Red, you're blushing.
Don't tell me she has a crush on you.
Kitty, I don't wanna talk about it.
Okay.
So, do you...
like her back?
Hi. Stacy.
Hi. I'm Eric Forman.
Look, I, uh, feel a little silly...
about my dad asking you out for me.
You probably thought I was, like...
ugly or... slow or something.
So, I just wanted to say hi...
you know, give you a chance to...
you know, take a gander
at the goods, so to speak...
and, uh, see if maybe, uh, tomorrow night
you wanted to have dinner?
At your house?
Will your dad be there?
'Cause I'll go if he's there.
Okay.
What, do you, like...
Do you, like, like my dad?
Oh, my God!
You like my dad?
Do you know
if he's seeing anyone?
Yeah.
My mom.
And they bought
furniture together, so...
yeah, I think it's pretty serious.
Ladies sit up straight.
Candy! Ca...
- Jackie, she doesn't have to sit like that.
- Yes, she does.
- Stop doing that!
- You stop doing that!
Hey! If I don't get a freakin' M&M,
I'm gonna start swingin'!
You stay out of this.
Jackie, try to be more sensitive.
Donna, I am not gonna send her
on her date looking like Sasquatch.
Huh?
She said you're very pretty... "atch."
Hey, guys.
I got news.
Turns out Stacy doesn't even like me.
- Yeah, we kind of expected that.
- Ooh.
I thought you said you had news.
Well, yeah.
Here it comes.
- She likes Red.
- Ohh!
- Oh, my God!
- Ohh.
You're gonna have to leave town!
- Why?
- Oh, 'cause we're gonna tell everyone!
Tell me this.
How'd the 50-year-old guy get the girl?
Look at me.
I'm an attractive man.
Well, I got you.
Technically, I got you.
And then you blew it.
Which means you didn't lose it,
because you never had it.
See, there's your silver lining.
Eric, you have a lot of good qualities.
I mean, you're funny. Like...
Well, what just
happened to you is funny.
Look, that chick likes Red
because he's a tough guy, a hard-ass.
You? You're soft.
How soft is he, Hyde?
Softer than Liberace
at the Playboy Mansion.
Yeah!
'Cause he plays piano.
Wait.
Ohh!
Burn!
You guys kill me.
Look.
How come Red is such a hard-ass,
and I am so...
I mean...
Okay, when a bear has a baby...
it's a little bear, right?
My dad's a bear, but I'm like...
a duck.
Eric, you were a bear
when you were born...
but Red pounded you into
the duck that we know and love.
So, what are you saying?
It's... It's Red's fault?
Yeah. But the good news is,
as a duck...
you can move more easily
through the water.
And now back to Night of the Living Dead.
Is everything okay over there, Stacy?
Come here, Mr. Forman.
I wanna show you something.
Holy crap!
You're a zombie!
I... want... Red.
Red!
How could you?
She's a sexy zombie!
She overpowered me!
I knew I couldn't trust you,
you cheater!
Kitty!
What the hell was that?
Oh, Kitty.
Oh, I need to talk to you.
I just wanna say...
with regard to this Stacy thing...
Look.
I'm bound to attract
a certain amount of attention.
I can't help that.
- But I would never...
- Oh, Red.
You wouldn't stray.
You've got too much character.
And who could blame her
for being interested?
You're certainly interesting to me.
Really?
Do you, uh...
have some spare time?
Why?
Am I on the clock?
I'm thinking 45 minutes.
Ohh.
The scenic route.
I give you...
the new Rhonda!
First time in heels.
So, where's Fez?
Oh, he's nervous,
so he's in the "whoo-hoo."
Have you been working
on her all night?
She wouldn't even let me pee.
I'd squash her like a bug
if I could catch her.
But I do look pretty.
Rhonda, is that you?
Boy, you look like a different girl.
Do you like it?
Oh!
Well, I thought
we would begin our evening...
with a hot dog eating contest.
Now, I realize
you're county champion...
but I think I could
make it interesting.
Sorry, Fez.
I don't eat hot dogs
for glory or money anymore.
It's not ladylike.
- Says who?
- Says them.
Them?
What have you meddling whores
done to my Rhonda?
- It was Jackie.
- It was Donna.
Fez, she wouldn't let her pee or eat.
- Donna called her Sasquatch.
- That was you too!
Shut up!
Shut up. I just want her back like
she was the first night I met her...
on her knees, chugging beer
straight from the keg.
But, Fez, I threw up twice that night.
Yes...
all over my heart.
You big, lovable, clumsy galoot.
And now, it is time that you two left.
Good day.
- But, Fez...
- He said, "Good day"!
So, I'm a duck, huh?
Yeah, we'll see who's a duck.
Oh.
Hey, there you are.
Yeah, we need to talk, man.
I've been thinking out
this whole Stacy thing...
It's your fault.
Yeah.
You were too tough on me,
so now I'm soft.
Oh, boo-hoo.
You don't know
the first thing about tough.
My old man was tough.
When I was your age,
he shipped me off to the navy.
He sure as hell wasn't
settin' me up with cute cashiers.
Which I'm sorry I did.
Because now I've got this...
creepy little girl giving me
google eyes all day...
stickin' heart-shaped
notes in my locker.
And on top of it all...
I had to have a talk with
your mother about infidelity.
That was unpleasant!
So you just be grateful
that your dad...
doesn't yell at you 24 hours a day!
And don't give me that look,
because this isn't yelling!
When I yell, you'll know it!
Well, thanks.
Good talk.
Man, look at all this stuff.
I just realized how happy I am
not to be a girl.
Well, that should have happened
at a much younger age.
- How long was I out?
- Long enough.
You guys wanna get a burger?
Out in public?
Okay, I'll drive.
I'll buy.
doing tonight?
Well, this evening, Miss Big Rhonda
returns from the dirt farms of Mississippi.
I am off to the bus station...
and she will melt
into my loving arms.
Well, you better wear a raincoat,
'cause she ain't small.
She is big, isn't she?
Well, I'm taking
this chick up to the lake for some...
you know, bird-watching.
Ooh, bird-watching.
I think me and Jackie are going
to go "bird-watching" too.
It's cool, 'cause they don't know
what we're talking about.
Think they cracked it, Kelso.
Well, I guess it's just us Three Musketeers
tonight, huh?
"All for one and one for all," right?
Well, um, actually...
your father and I were
gonna do some reading...
upstairs...
together.
What your mom's trying to say is,
"Go away for 20 minutes."
Forty-five minutes, Red.
- Thirty.
- Thirty-five.
Fine.
Get lost for 35 minutes.
Fine. But you know what?
I got a little question for you.
Why have kids if you ain't
gonna spend time with them?
I suggest you use your 35 minutes
to think about that.
He needs a new girlfriend.
Come on, Kitty.
You're on the clock.
Oh, you know what? Just turn off your clock.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
You can't turn off the clock!
She doesn't understand the clock.
Cocoa Puff!
Mashed potato!
- What are you doing here?
- Well, I wanted to see you...
because I wanted
to ask you something.
- Will you go out with me this Saturday?
- Oh, my God.
Course I will!
Can't...
breathe.
- It hurts.
- Ah, suck it up.
Wow, strong girl.
Crap-alula.
Fez just asked me out.
I'm so nervous, and I left
my asthma puffer in Mississippi.
I've never been on a real date.
What am I gonna wear?
Who cares?
You could be naked with a welding hat...
and Fez'd still be all over you.
Well, that sounds fun.
But I want it to be special.
- You know what? We'll help you get ready.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, that'll be great. I wanna look pretty.
Pretty?
Oh, sweetie, maybe you can
learn some jokes or something.
Look, dropout, this coupon says
20 cents off the athlete's-foot cream.
- So pay up!
- Is there, uh, a problem here?
This sad little man
has fungussy feet but won't spend the 20...
Stacy.
Mr. Forman, his coupon expired.
Oh, that's all right.
Here's your 20 cents.
Now, you come again, huh?
- Mushroom foot.
- Stacy!
I'm sorry, Mr. Forman.
It's just that he's such a dumb-ass.
I like you.
Hey, you know who I like?
Nixon?
Stacy, that cute, new cashier at work.
You should ask her out.
Sorry, Dad. I don't like to
dip my pen in the company ink.
Well, I don't like you being home
three Fridays in a row.
Look, if you don't have
the guts to talk to her...
- I'll pave the way.
- Hey.
Listen, if anyone's
gonna talk to her...
I'll talk to her.
Well, then we know
no one's gonna talk to her.
Hey, I might.
You...
You still like girls, don't you, Son?
No, Dad, they're yucky.
Oh, my God.
I know. She is seriously hot.
No, not her. This KISS alarm clock.
Check it out.
Wake up.
Yeah, this I like.
Forman, you have a responsibility
to all of us...
to find out what's
underneath that smock.
I bet it's boobs.
So, spying on her, huh?
Well, that's mature.
Why don't you just
pull her hair and run?
- Yes, let's do that.
- All right. All right, all right.
All right.
All right.
I'm gonna go do this.
- Yeah, all right. I can't do this.
- Oh, geez.
- I'll go talk to her.
- No!
What? Now you're gonna
start listening to me?
Go!
Grease the wheels, pal.
Thanks for doing this.
I know you guys'll
make me pretty and stuff.
Rhonda, it's no problem.
We'll just help you pick some nice clothes...
clean clothes... and...
maybe do your hair...
clean hair.
Okay,
the beauty ambulance has arrived!
So, first things first.
Let's get rid of those shoulder pads.
What shoulder pads?
Okay.
So, Stacy,
my son Eric is about your age.
And he's a real nice guy...
skinny but nice.
And I was thinking...
the two of you should go out.
What do you say?
Well, I kinda like someone else.
Oh!
Oh.
Oh...
no.
Hey.
- So, did she like me?
- Who?
- Stacy.
- Who's Stacy?
- She's not interested.
- She's not interested?
How can she not be interested?
Who is she?
See? I knew I shouldn't have let you talk
to her. Great. Now she thinks I'm a freak.
Oh, she doesn't think you're a freak.
Does she?
Yes. Yes, she does.
- You better stay away from her.
- Well, your father's right.
If anyone's a freak, she is.
Did Stacy actually
use the word "freak"?
Why don't you just let it go?
Maybe the reason girls
don't like you...
is because you
just don't let things go!
Stacy was saying just that thing today.
I'm gonna go take a bath.
Well, now, who is this Stacy
who doesn't like my son?
I have half a mind to call her mother.
I tried to set Eric up
with this pretty girl at wor...
Well... not pretty.
Decent.
Less ugly than most.
Good enough for a young boy, but...
no man would be interested.
Red, what are you talking about?
Why can't anyone in this family
just let things go?
Red, you're blushing.
Don't tell me she has a crush on you.
Kitty, I don't wanna talk about it.
Okay.
So, do you...
like her back?
Hi. Stacy.
Hi. I'm Eric Forman.
Look, I, uh, feel a little silly...
about my dad asking you out for me.
You probably thought I was, like...
ugly or... slow or something.
So, I just wanted to say hi...
you know, give you a chance to...
you know, take a gander
at the goods, so to speak...
and, uh, see if maybe, uh, tomorrow night
you wanted to have dinner?
At your house?
Will your dad be there?
'Cause I'll go if he's there.
Okay.
What, do you, like...
Do you, like, like my dad?
Oh, my God!
You like my dad?
Do you know
if he's seeing anyone?
Yeah.
My mom.
And they bought
furniture together, so...
yeah, I think it's pretty serious.
Ladies sit up straight.
Candy! Ca...
- Jackie, she doesn't have to sit like that.
- Yes, she does.
- Stop doing that!
- You stop doing that!
Hey! If I don't get a freakin' M&M,
I'm gonna start swingin'!
You stay out of this.
Jackie, try to be more sensitive.
Donna, I am not gonna send her
on her date looking like Sasquatch.
Huh?
She said you're very pretty... "atch."
Hey, guys.
I got news.
Turns out Stacy doesn't even like me.
- Yeah, we kind of expected that.
- Ooh.
I thought you said you had news.
Well, yeah.
Here it comes.
- She likes Red.
- Ohh!
- Oh, my God!
- Ohh.
You're gonna have to leave town!
- Why?
- Oh, 'cause we're gonna tell everyone!
Tell me this.
How'd the 50-year-old guy get the girl?
Look at me.
I'm an attractive man.
Well, I got you.
Technically, I got you.
And then you blew it.
Which means you didn't lose it,
because you never had it.
See, there's your silver lining.
Eric, you have a lot of good qualities.
I mean, you're funny. Like...
Well, what just
happened to you is funny.
Look, that chick likes Red
because he's a tough guy, a hard-ass.
You? You're soft.
How soft is he, Hyde?
Softer than Liberace
at the Playboy Mansion.
Yeah!
'Cause he plays piano.
Wait.
Ohh!
Burn!
You guys kill me.
Look.
How come Red is such a hard-ass,
and I am so...
I mean...
Okay, when a bear has a baby...
it's a little bear, right?
My dad's a bear, but I'm like...
a duck.
Eric, you were a bear
when you were born...
but Red pounded you into
the duck that we know and love.
So, what are you saying?
It's... It's Red's fault?
Yeah. But the good news is,
as a duck...
you can move more easily
through the water.
And now back to Night of the Living Dead.
Is everything okay over there, Stacy?
Come here, Mr. Forman.
I wanna show you something.
Holy crap!
You're a zombie!
I... want... Red.
Red!
How could you?
She's a sexy zombie!
She overpowered me!
I knew I couldn't trust you,
you cheater!
Kitty!
What the hell was that?
Oh, Kitty.
Oh, I need to talk to you.
I just wanna say...
with regard to this Stacy thing...
Look.
I'm bound to attract
a certain amount of attention.
I can't help that.
- But I would never...
- Oh, Red.
You wouldn't stray.
You've got too much character.
And who could blame her
for being interested?
You're certainly interesting to me.
Really?
Do you, uh...
have some spare time?
Why?
Am I on the clock?
I'm thinking 45 minutes.
Ohh.
The scenic route.
I give you...
the new Rhonda!
First time in heels.
So, where's Fez?
Oh, he's nervous,
so he's in the "whoo-hoo."
Have you been working
on her all night?
She wouldn't even let me pee.
I'd squash her like a bug
if I could catch her.
But I do look pretty.
Rhonda, is that you?
Boy, you look like a different girl.
Do you like it?
Oh!
Well, I thought
we would begin our evening...
with a hot dog eating contest.
Now, I realize
you're county champion...
but I think I could
make it interesting.
Sorry, Fez.
I don't eat hot dogs
for glory or money anymore.
It's not ladylike.
- Says who?
- Says them.
Them?
What have you meddling whores
done to my Rhonda?
- It was Jackie.
- It was Donna.
Fez, she wouldn't let her pee or eat.
- Donna called her Sasquatch.
- That was you too!
Shut up!
Shut up. I just want her back like
she was the first night I met her...
on her knees, chugging beer
straight from the keg.
But, Fez, I threw up twice that night.
Yes...
all over my heart.
You big, lovable, clumsy galoot.
And now, it is time that you two left.
Good day.
- But, Fez...
- He said, "Good day"!
So, I'm a duck, huh?
Yeah, we'll see who's a duck.
Oh.
Hey, there you are.
Yeah, we need to talk, man.
I've been thinking out
this whole Stacy thing...
It's your fault.
Yeah.
You were too tough on me,
so now I'm soft.
Oh, boo-hoo.
You don't know
the first thing about tough.
My old man was tough.
When I was your age,
he shipped me off to the navy.
He sure as hell wasn't
settin' me up with cute cashiers.
Which I'm sorry I did.
Because now I've got this...
creepy little girl giving me
google eyes all day...
stickin' heart-shaped
notes in my locker.
And on top of it all...
I had to have a talk with
your mother about infidelity.
That was unpleasant!
So you just be grateful
that your dad...
doesn't yell at you 24 hours a day!
And don't give me that look,
because this isn't yelling!
When I yell, you'll know it!
Well, thanks.
Good talk.
Man, look at all this stuff.
I just realized how happy I am
not to be a girl.
Well, that should have happened
at a much younger age.
- How long was I out?
- Long enough.
You guys wanna get a burger?
Out in public?
Okay, I'll drive.
I'll buy.