That '70s Show (1998–2006): Season 3, Episode 24 - Backstage Pass - full transcript
When Jackie says she doesn't want to do it in the car, Kelso offers to have a romantic day, she stretches it to a week. Donna got concert tickets as a bonus at the radio station where she reads the farm report, so the whole gang goes. Hyde 'borrowed' $50 from Eric to make and sell fake fan T-shirts for the rock band's star Ted Nugent, but left the spelling to Fez, who got 'Tad' printed, and there's worse. Red and even Kitty can't remember how they met... Now he's into it, Michael loves being romantic even more then Jackie, to the point of resisting her wanting to do it right there precisely because he's so romantic. Donna meets Ted backstage, but finds the real groupies are just high and stupid; Eric feels ditched.
Okay, here comes Kelso.
Oh, this is going to be so good.
But plug your nose, because
it's also going to be foul.
- All right, somebody put a stink bomb in my backpack!
- Oh!
And when I find out who,
I'm gonna kick some ass!
Why must people be cruel?
Yeah, 'cause now I gotta
go see Jackie smelling like a skunk.
And Jackie hates skunks,
except for Pep? le Pew.
And, you gotta admit,
for a skunk, he's pretty romantic.
Okay, guys, I've got
five stink bombs left.
Let's go ruin
someone else's day.
Sorry, guys.
I'm going to the movies with Donna.
It's like we hardly see each other, now
that she got that job at the radio station.
Yeah, you're the wife of
a famous radio personality.
Go bake me a pie, Martha.
Oh, my God.
Donna's on the radio.
She's doing the farm report right now.
And in pork belly news...
prices have risen to nearly
54 cents per pound.
Mmm-mmm, bacon!
Pork belly prices.
How cute is that?
And I'll be back at 3:00, 4:00 and 5:00
with more updates.
Until then, keep on farmin'.
Is that okay? I just added that.
I did hit the button.
Oh!
She's staying late again?
Oh, God.
How much fast-breaking pork belly news
can there possibly be?
That's it.
I'm goin' down there.
- Well, that conversation's going to go badly.
- How do you know?
I put a stink bomb in his back pocket.
You're doin' the rest of the farm reports?
Come on.
I thought we were goin'
to the movies.
Well, Janice called in sick, so...
Why do you smell like butt?
That is none of your business, okay?
Okay, Donna, look.
I think we need to talk.
I think this job is really
cutting into your Eric time.
My "Eric time"?
And I'm very concerned
about your diminishing Eric time...
because it directly affects me,
you know.
I'm Eric.
Hey, thanks for
staying late again, Donna.
You know, you might just
turn this into a full-time gig.
Hey, I'm her full-time gig.
No offense.
You stink, dude.
Here's those tickets.
Enjoy the show.
- Tickets?
- I know I've been working a lot lately.
I wanted to make it up to you,
so I got Max...
to hook us up with Ted Nugent tickets
for everybody!
The Motor City Madman?
No way!
Oh, my disappointment is melting...
into a mixture of
excitement and guilt.
- Great. That's what I was going for.
- Oh!
As soon as I saw that skunk,
I knew...
that I had to capture it
and return it to the zoo...
where it could maybe,
just maybe...
fall in love like you and I.
- Oh! Michael, that is so sweet.
- Yeah.
That's me... sweet.
So, here we are.
What to do.
What to do.
Oh, I know what we can do.
It.
No, Michael,
I'm not doing "it" in a car.
Now that we're back together,
I want it to be special.
I want our second first time
to be magical.
I can do magic.
Check it out.
Hmm? Hmm?
Michael, I'm serious.
Jackie, I just removed a finger!
All right, how about this?
We'll have a special day...
just dedicated to all the romantic magic
you want.
That's a great idea.
But you know what would be even better?
If we did it right now?
No!
That instead of one day...
we have a whole week
of romantic magic.
Well, that would be seven times longer.
And seven times better.
And seven times longer.
Yea.
You know,
our anniversary's comin' up.
Eighteen years.
I can still remember
the first time I saw Midgie.
She was the tallest girl
in chemistry class.
And Bob was the shortest boy.
But what he lacked in height,
he made up for in shortness.
Red, um, remember when we first met?
Like it was yesterday.
It was 1952 at a U.S.O. dance.
Me and my buddies
were blowin' off steam.
And, suddenly, I saw her.
She was the most
beautiful girl in the joint.
Hiya, dame.
Wanna shake a leg?
No, thanks.
- It wasn't a question.
- I think it was, mister.
Mind if I cut in?
It's none of your business,
bell-bottom.
I think you could use
a little punch, leatherneck.
Oh, you're in big trouble,
Red Forman.
Huh?
I said, you're in big trouble,
Red Forman.
You're thinking of some other girl.
That's not how we met at all.
Oh.
Oh!
Uh-oh.
Fez, what's in the box?
Counterfeit concert T-shirts.
Me and Hyde are going to
sell them after the show.
Oh, how entrepreneurial of you.
You see, I figure with the original
concert T's going for $15...
we sell ours for 10,
I turn a $50 investment into 250 bucks.
Where'd you get 50 bucks?
I thought you were broke.
I sneaked it from
your Candy Land stash.
So if you think about it,
it's all profit.
Okay, fine.
Can I borrow $50?
Hey, you wanna see what
50 stolen bucks can buy?
Fez! It's "Ted" Nugent!
Uh-huh.
Tad Nugent.
No, man.
I'm saying "Ted."
I'm saying Tad too.
- No, you're not. It says "Tad."
- I know it says "Tad."
I'm the one who put it on there.
I don't know why we're fighting.
What's the problem here?
Because the shirt says "Tad."
Exactly.
- But the "A" should be an "E."
- That's not how you spell "Tad."
No.
That's how you spell "Ted."
Oh.
These shirts are useless.
Now Forman's out 50 bucks.
You know, it's hard enough trying to
remember this without you two staring at me.
Hey, I could hypnotize you.
I know!
You could retrace your steps.
What did you have for breakfast?
Oh, hi, Kitty.
Uh, you know...
I was just thinking
about how much I love you.
- So, you remember yet?
- Yes! No.
It was November 17, 1953
at a U.S.O. dance.
I remember because it was the most
important moment of my life!
Really, Kitty?
Because in November 1953...
I was in Korea.
So I'm pretty sure that
you were talking to someone else.
Are you sure?
Maybe-Maybe you came home
for the weekend.
Not from Korea.
Oh, great. Now,
neither one of us knows how we met.
Well, you better get
your thinking cap on, mister.
Thank you, Wisconsin! Good night!
- That was the coolest, most bitchin' concert!
- That was so cool!
- Totally!
- That was cool.
All right, let's go try and sell
these stupid T-shirts.
God, Michael,
this was the most magical night.
You know, during the concert, I rewrote some
of Ted Nugent's songs with your name in it.
Okay, which one do you like better...
"Cat Scratch Jackie"
or "Jackie Scratch Fever"?
I love them both!
- What do you wanna do now?
- Uh...
Ooh! We can go around back and watch the
tour buses from behind the chain-link fence.
- Great idea!
- Hiya, kids. Enjoy the show?
Are you kidding?
I'm deaf!
You can say that again, Max.
Well, you know,
I'm startin' to come down.
I mean, I'm getting tired.
Uh, why don't you take this?
Oh, my God.
A backstage pass.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, too bad there's only one, huh?
I'll be back in five minutes, I swear.
- You're going?
- Well, don't you want me to?
Of course I do.
That's why I said,
"Oh, you're going! Yea!"
You're the best!
Yeah, that's... Yeah, that's good.
That's nice for her.
You'll never see her again.
That's how I lost my first wife.
Damn you, Donny Osmond!
T-shirts!
Get your crappy, misspelled T-shirts!
Can't enjoy the after-party without
your crappy, misspelled T-shirts!
I rue the day I took you
under my wing, my foreign friend.
I'm sorry you feel that way, Hyde...
but I think that the time
we spended together...
has taught us each
a little bit about tolerance...
humanity, friendship.
Whatever.
Ew! Michael,
someone blew chunks.
May I escort you
across the vomit, my lady?
Why, thank you, good sir.
I hate them.
You just bought yourself
a barfy Todd Nugent T-shirt, mister!
Fez.
It's Ted!
Hey, who ordered the redhead?
Oh, my God.
You're looking at me.
Ted Nugent is looking at me.
Oh, my God!
Stop looking at me!
I'm Donna.
I am, like, your biggest fan.
Hi, Donna.
Meet the other groupies.
This is Blonde Girl,
the Other Blonde Girl...
Tall Girl,
and the Tall Blonde Girl.
Well, actually, I'm not a groupie.
I mean, I love you,
but I work at a rock radio station.
WFPP, "The Sound."
I do the farm report.
It's, like, a huge day
for pork bellies.
You don't care.
Sorry.
You work for a radio station?
You wanna do an interview or somethin'?
Oh, my God.
An interview would be amazing.
Do you have, um,
a piece of paper, one of those, uh...
Pens.
Pens. Exactly.
You are the best.
Okay, first question.
Um... Uh... Oh, my God.
Why are you so great?
Hey, guys, have you seen Donna?
Look, Forman, no offense.
We got more important things
to worry about here.
Right.
Good luck in jail, guys.
You know, I had
a dream like this once.
Only I was handcuffed
to Cheryl Tiegs...
and you weren't wearing
your sunglasses.
It's not just tonight, you know.
Yeah, she's been blowing me off
more and more.
And she thinks I'll take it,
but I won't. Uh-uh.
Can you lift your feet, please?
Sorry.
And I'm not listenin'
to your little story...
so you really need
to stop talkin' to yourself.
What is wrong with you people?
Come on! That was great!
What, are you on dope?
Oh.
Well, uh, I better go.
My boyfriend's waiting.
Thank you so much
for the interview, Ted.
You're very welcome. You wanna stick around?
I'll let you touch the guitar.
Really?
All right!
Wait, you mean
your guitar guitar, right?
Yeah.
All right!
Ooh!
Michael, I have to say, this has
really been a magically romantic day.
Actually, it's after midnight.
So it is now officially day two...
of magical romance week.
- Ta-da!
- Oh, Michael!
And I've got some great stuff
planned for the rest of the week.
We're gonna have a picnic,
and I'm gonna cook for you.
Oh, and we're gonna go
for a ride on a rickshaw.
You know what? You are
the most romantic man in Point Place.
Yep.
You know, at first,
I thought this was gonna suck.
But now I've really gotten into it...
and I'm glad that we're waiting
seven days to do it.
God, Michael,
you really have changed.
You're so different.
And we're different.
Okay, let's do it.
Now!
Whoa. I-I thought you didn't
wanna do it in a car.
No, Michael, you're so irresistible,
I can't wait.
What about the rest of the week?
I mean, I rented a tux
and patent leather shoes!
Okay, you guys, come on.
Open up. I've had a really bad night.
We need the car, Eric.
We're gonna do it,
and it's gonna be magical.
Oh, Red, it's killing me
that I can't remember.
Huh?
Oh, yeah, yeah, me too.
But I'll tell you
one thing I remember.
I remember that
you loved Manhattans.
Oh, that's right.
That's what I used to drink.
Oh, I haven't had
a Manhattan in 20 years.
Oh, boy, that takes me back.
Oh!
Oh!
Keep 'em coming.
Oh, my. I'm as loose as a goose.
Okay, let's do it.
Upsy-daisy.
I need to use the ladies'...
- You all right?
- I bumped into your butt and fell down!
Sorry. My pants were, uh...
Hi. I'm Red Forman.
How do you do, Red Forman?
I'm Kitty Sigurdson.
You bumped into my butt
and fell down?
And that's how we met?
I'm afraid so.
Well, what do you say
if Eric ever asks...
we go with the
"I punched out a marine" story?
And I wasn't drinking.
I was reading to the blind.
Sounds good.
Oh, my God, Eric.
I have so much to tell you.
I actually met Ted Nugent,
and I got an interview.
And I know I said I'd be right back, but...
It was so exciting!
Oh.
Yeah, my night too.
I met the janitor.
And then, I got to see Kelso
take his pants off.
Rock and roll!
Eric, you're mad at me for going backstage
to meet Ted Nugent?
No, no. I'm mad at you
because you ditched me.
I didn't ditch you.
This was Ted Nugent.
This was a huge opportunity for me.
So, come Monday, I don't have
to just talk about the farm report.
I can talk about the interview,
like... an interviewer.
Well, you know what, Donna?
All I can say is that my mom never
would have bailed on my dad like that.
Yeah, I know.
But they're married.
Okay.
Okay, forget it.
Let's just forget it.
You're sorry.
Everything's fine.
I never said I was sorry.
But... you are, right?
I shouldn't have to be.
We are free!
At last, we are free!
Yeah. They tried to charge us
with selling counterfeit merchandise.
But since Ted Nugent was misspelled,
it wasn't really counterfeit.
It was just stupid.
My ignorance of American youth culture
finally paid off.
Hey, Donna, did you get
to meet the Nuge?
Yeah, it was awesome.
I was right there with Ted Nugent.
The Nuge!
So, can we go now?
Excuse me!
You're ruining the magic!
You going to a clown funeral?
Shut up!
I'm romantic.
- Nice rental, Kelso.
- Joke's on you. I bought it.
Yeah, that's right.
It's mine.
Well, I think
you look handsome, Michael.
Thank you, Jackie.
Hey, Fez, you ever pull a rickshaw?
What's a rickshaw?
Come on. It's fun.
Oh, this is going to be so good.
But plug your nose, because
it's also going to be foul.
- All right, somebody put a stink bomb in my backpack!
- Oh!
And when I find out who,
I'm gonna kick some ass!
Why must people be cruel?
Yeah, 'cause now I gotta
go see Jackie smelling like a skunk.
And Jackie hates skunks,
except for Pep? le Pew.
And, you gotta admit,
for a skunk, he's pretty romantic.
Okay, guys, I've got
five stink bombs left.
Let's go ruin
someone else's day.
Sorry, guys.
I'm going to the movies with Donna.
It's like we hardly see each other, now
that she got that job at the radio station.
Yeah, you're the wife of
a famous radio personality.
Go bake me a pie, Martha.
Oh, my God.
Donna's on the radio.
She's doing the farm report right now.
And in pork belly news...
prices have risen to nearly
54 cents per pound.
Mmm-mmm, bacon!
Pork belly prices.
How cute is that?
And I'll be back at 3:00, 4:00 and 5:00
with more updates.
Until then, keep on farmin'.
Is that okay? I just added that.
I did hit the button.
Oh!
She's staying late again?
Oh, God.
How much fast-breaking pork belly news
can there possibly be?
That's it.
I'm goin' down there.
- Well, that conversation's going to go badly.
- How do you know?
I put a stink bomb in his back pocket.
You're doin' the rest of the farm reports?
Come on.
I thought we were goin'
to the movies.
Well, Janice called in sick, so...
Why do you smell like butt?
That is none of your business, okay?
Okay, Donna, look.
I think we need to talk.
I think this job is really
cutting into your Eric time.
My "Eric time"?
And I'm very concerned
about your diminishing Eric time...
because it directly affects me,
you know.
I'm Eric.
Hey, thanks for
staying late again, Donna.
You know, you might just
turn this into a full-time gig.
Hey, I'm her full-time gig.
No offense.
You stink, dude.
Here's those tickets.
Enjoy the show.
- Tickets?
- I know I've been working a lot lately.
I wanted to make it up to you,
so I got Max...
to hook us up with Ted Nugent tickets
for everybody!
The Motor City Madman?
No way!
Oh, my disappointment is melting...
into a mixture of
excitement and guilt.
- Great. That's what I was going for.
- Oh!
As soon as I saw that skunk,
I knew...
that I had to capture it
and return it to the zoo...
where it could maybe,
just maybe...
fall in love like you and I.
- Oh! Michael, that is so sweet.
- Yeah.
That's me... sweet.
So, here we are.
What to do.
What to do.
Oh, I know what we can do.
It.
No, Michael,
I'm not doing "it" in a car.
Now that we're back together,
I want it to be special.
I want our second first time
to be magical.
I can do magic.
Check it out.
Hmm? Hmm?
Michael, I'm serious.
Jackie, I just removed a finger!
All right, how about this?
We'll have a special day...
just dedicated to all the romantic magic
you want.
That's a great idea.
But you know what would be even better?
If we did it right now?
No!
That instead of one day...
we have a whole week
of romantic magic.
Well, that would be seven times longer.
And seven times better.
And seven times longer.
Yea.
You know,
our anniversary's comin' up.
Eighteen years.
I can still remember
the first time I saw Midgie.
She was the tallest girl
in chemistry class.
And Bob was the shortest boy.
But what he lacked in height,
he made up for in shortness.
Red, um, remember when we first met?
Like it was yesterday.
It was 1952 at a U.S.O. dance.
Me and my buddies
were blowin' off steam.
And, suddenly, I saw her.
She was the most
beautiful girl in the joint.
Hiya, dame.
Wanna shake a leg?
No, thanks.
- It wasn't a question.
- I think it was, mister.
Mind if I cut in?
It's none of your business,
bell-bottom.
I think you could use
a little punch, leatherneck.
Oh, you're in big trouble,
Red Forman.
Huh?
I said, you're in big trouble,
Red Forman.
You're thinking of some other girl.
That's not how we met at all.
Oh.
Oh!
Uh-oh.
Fez, what's in the box?
Counterfeit concert T-shirts.
Me and Hyde are going to
sell them after the show.
Oh, how entrepreneurial of you.
You see, I figure with the original
concert T's going for $15...
we sell ours for 10,
I turn a $50 investment into 250 bucks.
Where'd you get 50 bucks?
I thought you were broke.
I sneaked it from
your Candy Land stash.
So if you think about it,
it's all profit.
Okay, fine.
Can I borrow $50?
Hey, you wanna see what
50 stolen bucks can buy?
Fez! It's "Ted" Nugent!
Uh-huh.
Tad Nugent.
No, man.
I'm saying "Ted."
I'm saying Tad too.
- No, you're not. It says "Tad."
- I know it says "Tad."
I'm the one who put it on there.
I don't know why we're fighting.
What's the problem here?
Because the shirt says "Tad."
Exactly.
- But the "A" should be an "E."
- That's not how you spell "Tad."
No.
That's how you spell "Ted."
Oh.
These shirts are useless.
Now Forman's out 50 bucks.
You know, it's hard enough trying to
remember this without you two staring at me.
Hey, I could hypnotize you.
I know!
You could retrace your steps.
What did you have for breakfast?
Oh, hi, Kitty.
Uh, you know...
I was just thinking
about how much I love you.
- So, you remember yet?
- Yes! No.
It was November 17, 1953
at a U.S.O. dance.
I remember because it was the most
important moment of my life!
Really, Kitty?
Because in November 1953...
I was in Korea.
So I'm pretty sure that
you were talking to someone else.
Are you sure?
Maybe-Maybe you came home
for the weekend.
Not from Korea.
Oh, great. Now,
neither one of us knows how we met.
Well, you better get
your thinking cap on, mister.
Thank you, Wisconsin! Good night!
- That was the coolest, most bitchin' concert!
- That was so cool!
- Totally!
- That was cool.
All right, let's go try and sell
these stupid T-shirts.
God, Michael,
this was the most magical night.
You know, during the concert, I rewrote some
of Ted Nugent's songs with your name in it.
Okay, which one do you like better...
"Cat Scratch Jackie"
or "Jackie Scratch Fever"?
I love them both!
- What do you wanna do now?
- Uh...
Ooh! We can go around back and watch the
tour buses from behind the chain-link fence.
- Great idea!
- Hiya, kids. Enjoy the show?
Are you kidding?
I'm deaf!
You can say that again, Max.
Well, you know,
I'm startin' to come down.
I mean, I'm getting tired.
Uh, why don't you take this?
Oh, my God.
A backstage pass.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, too bad there's only one, huh?
I'll be back in five minutes, I swear.
- You're going?
- Well, don't you want me to?
Of course I do.
That's why I said,
"Oh, you're going! Yea!"
You're the best!
Yeah, that's... Yeah, that's good.
That's nice for her.
You'll never see her again.
That's how I lost my first wife.
Damn you, Donny Osmond!
T-shirts!
Get your crappy, misspelled T-shirts!
Can't enjoy the after-party without
your crappy, misspelled T-shirts!
I rue the day I took you
under my wing, my foreign friend.
I'm sorry you feel that way, Hyde...
but I think that the time
we spended together...
has taught us each
a little bit about tolerance...
humanity, friendship.
Whatever.
Ew! Michael,
someone blew chunks.
May I escort you
across the vomit, my lady?
Why, thank you, good sir.
I hate them.
You just bought yourself
a barfy Todd Nugent T-shirt, mister!
Fez.
It's Ted!
Hey, who ordered the redhead?
Oh, my God.
You're looking at me.
Ted Nugent is looking at me.
Oh, my God!
Stop looking at me!
I'm Donna.
I am, like, your biggest fan.
Hi, Donna.
Meet the other groupies.
This is Blonde Girl,
the Other Blonde Girl...
Tall Girl,
and the Tall Blonde Girl.
Well, actually, I'm not a groupie.
I mean, I love you,
but I work at a rock radio station.
WFPP, "The Sound."
I do the farm report.
It's, like, a huge day
for pork bellies.
You don't care.
Sorry.
You work for a radio station?
You wanna do an interview or somethin'?
Oh, my God.
An interview would be amazing.
Do you have, um,
a piece of paper, one of those, uh...
Pens.
Pens. Exactly.
You are the best.
Okay, first question.
Um... Uh... Oh, my God.
Why are you so great?
Hey, guys, have you seen Donna?
Look, Forman, no offense.
We got more important things
to worry about here.
Right.
Good luck in jail, guys.
You know, I had
a dream like this once.
Only I was handcuffed
to Cheryl Tiegs...
and you weren't wearing
your sunglasses.
It's not just tonight, you know.
Yeah, she's been blowing me off
more and more.
And she thinks I'll take it,
but I won't. Uh-uh.
Can you lift your feet, please?
Sorry.
And I'm not listenin'
to your little story...
so you really need
to stop talkin' to yourself.
What is wrong with you people?
Come on! That was great!
What, are you on dope?
Oh.
Well, uh, I better go.
My boyfriend's waiting.
Thank you so much
for the interview, Ted.
You're very welcome. You wanna stick around?
I'll let you touch the guitar.
Really?
All right!
Wait, you mean
your guitar guitar, right?
Yeah.
All right!
Ooh!
Michael, I have to say, this has
really been a magically romantic day.
Actually, it's after midnight.
So it is now officially day two...
of magical romance week.
- Ta-da!
- Oh, Michael!
And I've got some great stuff
planned for the rest of the week.
We're gonna have a picnic,
and I'm gonna cook for you.
Oh, and we're gonna go
for a ride on a rickshaw.
You know what? You are
the most romantic man in Point Place.
Yep.
You know, at first,
I thought this was gonna suck.
But now I've really gotten into it...
and I'm glad that we're waiting
seven days to do it.
God, Michael,
you really have changed.
You're so different.
And we're different.
Okay, let's do it.
Now!
Whoa. I-I thought you didn't
wanna do it in a car.
No, Michael, you're so irresistible,
I can't wait.
What about the rest of the week?
I mean, I rented a tux
and patent leather shoes!
Okay, you guys, come on.
Open up. I've had a really bad night.
We need the car, Eric.
We're gonna do it,
and it's gonna be magical.
Oh, Red, it's killing me
that I can't remember.
Huh?
Oh, yeah, yeah, me too.
But I'll tell you
one thing I remember.
I remember that
you loved Manhattans.
Oh, that's right.
That's what I used to drink.
Oh, I haven't had
a Manhattan in 20 years.
Oh, boy, that takes me back.
Oh!
Oh!
Keep 'em coming.
Oh, my. I'm as loose as a goose.
Okay, let's do it.
Upsy-daisy.
I need to use the ladies'...
- You all right?
- I bumped into your butt and fell down!
Sorry. My pants were, uh...
Hi. I'm Red Forman.
How do you do, Red Forman?
I'm Kitty Sigurdson.
You bumped into my butt
and fell down?
And that's how we met?
I'm afraid so.
Well, what do you say
if Eric ever asks...
we go with the
"I punched out a marine" story?
And I wasn't drinking.
I was reading to the blind.
Sounds good.
Oh, my God, Eric.
I have so much to tell you.
I actually met Ted Nugent,
and I got an interview.
And I know I said I'd be right back, but...
It was so exciting!
Oh.
Yeah, my night too.
I met the janitor.
And then, I got to see Kelso
take his pants off.
Rock and roll!
Eric, you're mad at me for going backstage
to meet Ted Nugent?
No, no. I'm mad at you
because you ditched me.
I didn't ditch you.
This was Ted Nugent.
This was a huge opportunity for me.
So, come Monday, I don't have
to just talk about the farm report.
I can talk about the interview,
like... an interviewer.
Well, you know what, Donna?
All I can say is that my mom never
would have bailed on my dad like that.
Yeah, I know.
But they're married.
Okay.
Okay, forget it.
Let's just forget it.
You're sorry.
Everything's fine.
I never said I was sorry.
But... you are, right?
I shouldn't have to be.
We are free!
At last, we are free!
Yeah. They tried to charge us
with selling counterfeit merchandise.
But since Ted Nugent was misspelled,
it wasn't really counterfeit.
It was just stupid.
My ignorance of American youth culture
finally paid off.
Hey, Donna, did you get
to meet the Nuge?
Yeah, it was awesome.
I was right there with Ted Nugent.
The Nuge!
So, can we go now?
Excuse me!
You're ruining the magic!
You going to a clown funeral?
Shut up!
I'm romantic.
- Nice rental, Kelso.
- Joke's on you. I bought it.
Yeah, that's right.
It's mine.
Well, I think
you look handsome, Michael.
Thank you, Jackie.
Hey, Fez, you ever pull a rickshaw?
What's a rickshaw?
Come on. It's fun.