Testees (2008): Season 1, Episode 3 - Forget Me Nugget - full transcript
Hang on. I got your
birthday presents here.
Tell you what, let's
go ahead and put this on...
Get ready for a big surprise.
This better be good.
Right on, you guys got me a stripper.
Nice.
Enjoy Nugget.
- Get in there.
- It's oily, but I don't care.
She doesn't talk much.
That's beautiful.
It's so firm.
It's like really well trained ass.
That's fantastic. You know what?
Point that thing somewhere else.
- That was so wrong.
- Yet, so right.
That was awesome.
- Good job, good work
- Thank you.
You got me guys.
You got me real good.
You got him for another full hour.
- Don't tell us you're done already.
- That was good, that was good...
it was really, really funny.
I was really surprised.
I hope you guys don't mind
looking over your shoulders
every minute of every day, thinking,
"Is today the Nugget gets us back?"
- I'm okay with that.
- I'm comfortable.
You know what, I'm going to go wash
because I have dude splooge
on my face.
Just don't use our towels.
- Success.
- Yes.
Let's go, I want everyone out.
Come on.
- Are you sure?
- We're sure.
We're sure, real sure. Move it.
Party pooper...
Gross!
- We're not kids anymore.
- Actually it's not just the burp
it's the after blow that gets me.
- Charming.
- Come on, let's go.
Move, we gotta be
at work in the morning.
I can't believe you guys
are still working at that awful place.
What do you mean awful?
It's the best job ever.
Increase power to... 80%.
Who are you?!
I don't know, who are you?
I don't know.
Testees - Season1 Episode3
- Ged?chtnissverlust -
?bersetzt von
blackburnious und riOrizOr
f?r
- Got no cash.
- My credit cards are missing.
Hang on a second.
My name is Peter Cooper.
I'm Ronald Mitchell and
I've donated my organs to science.
- That was very thoughtful of you.
- What happened to us?
How can we both have amnesia?
I'm scared.
Me too.
Wait...
A pay stub from a place
called Testico.
Testicle? You work at a place
called testicle?
Testico.
- There's a phone number.
- Call them.
Here.
Research facility.
My name is Ronald Mitchell
And I think I work there.
Do you know who I am?
Okay something
has happened to me and...
this disheveled looking...
- what's your name again?
- Peter Cooper. Peter Cooper.
Thanks, okay, we'll be right there.
They want us to come down there.
They know who we are. They can explain
exactly what happened to us.
So we work at a testing facility.
Maybe we're like
famous scientists?
We do what?
Test experimental drugs and products
like guinea pigs?
Why would we ever agree to that?
It's your job.
It sounds like the worst job ever.
We've been testing a
brain washing device
and we've seen this kind of
partial memory loss before.
I don't believe you. I would never agree
to something like this.
- I'm Peter Cooper.
- And I'm Ron Mitchell.
And we are of sound mind and willingly
agree to undergo
experiment A-101190
Brain Washing device.
- You may wash our brains.
- In the laundry.
Then we may not remember who we are.
Awesome, I don't want
to remember who I am.
If you're watching this do us both
a favor, forget about your old life.
Get a haircut, hit the gym,
go back to school
and get a real job.
And Ron if you're watching,
you're a secret agent assassin.
Your mission, kill Peter Cooper.
He is your mortal enemy.
- Kill Peter Cooper.
- That's actually not funny.
Kill.
The key to undoing memory loss
is familiarity.
Get back into your old routines.
Try to live your life
as closely as possible
to what it was before
the experiment.
But we don't know how
we lived our lives.
Go home, talk to your
neighbors, look at photos.
The next 24 hours are critical.
If you don't regain your memory,
the loss will be permanent.
You will never remember
your lives again.
Let's have a look around the place.
- We're poor.
- Like to party.
We're slobs.
Like to play video games.
- I am Jewish.
- Now being circumcised dosn't make you
- Jewish anymore.
- Trust me I'm Jewish.
Wait, wait.
Maybe we're bikers.
Makes perfect sense.
The place is a mess, we
don't have any credit cards
because we want to live off the grid.
We're bikers.
We're badass bikers.
We use our Testico money on meth.
That is so cool.
You know I think I kind of remember
the wind blowing trough my hair.
Let's go find our old ladies.
Jewish bikers.
There seems to be a mistake.
My application for a
beer garden was denied.
There's no mistake.
You've been rejected.
I'm afraid your street
isn't zoned for a patio.
Look I'm gentrifying the
entire neighborhood.
I'm going to have nice champagne buckets
on every table.
- It will be classy.
- Nice, buckets.
In that case. I'll just go amend
the constitution.
- I'd like to speak to your boss.
- I'm afraid that's not possible.
Your boss works for the city,
which means he works for me.
You give me one good reason
why he can't talk to me.
He's dead.
- Oh, that's terrible.
- Yeah, it is.
It really is.
I mean the saddest part...
I said it was terrible.
So where should I go?
- The service is at St. Anne's...
- No, I mean for the application.
I kind of need to get this moving.
Nobody can approve it
except for the commissioner.
Isn't there a death clause, a free pass
kind of thing, you know, out of respect?
But don't worry, because they're going
to hold an election right away
between you and me,
the new planning commissioner
- Is in this office.
- Really?
Gentlemen.
Any of you boys remember us?
So we're not bikers.
The city needs
a planning commissioner
who understands the principles
of incremental growth
through a 3% annual
increase in urban density.
Smart zoning today
for family friendly
communities tomorrow.
- He's got my vote.
- Now I'll never get my patio.
You know if you were commissioner
you could approve your own patio.
- What do you mean?
- Run for office.
Me? I don't have any experience.
Experience, ex-schmerience...
look at this douche.
I don't even know what the job is,
or what a commissioner does.
Who cares? All you have to do is
razzle dazzle these people.
I guess I could learn about zoning
and speed bumps and...
Nobody cares
about all that boring crap.
All you gotta do is hit the right
amount of paranoid right wing
hot buttons in your speech
and you can get a cactus elected.
Give me that pen, I'll show you.
One man, one woman...
One Bible
Call me an old fashioned
preacher's daughter
and registered gun owner
but that's what I call marriage.
Thank you.
So in a way that was good.
Now we know we're not bikers.
We can just cross that
right off the list.
Great, so now there's only
like a million things that we could be.
- Take a look at this picture.
- Okay, so we must be good friends.
Really good friends.
- Really, really good friends.
- Really, really good friends.
Who wear assless chaps.
- I think we're gay... lovers.
- What?
- Come on, we're just friends.
- Friends with benefits. Think about it.
We're two thirty-something
men living together...
Do you see any sign of women?
I mean take a look at yourself.
At the risk of being unpopular,
I love Jesus.
Let me show you something.
Two bedrooms.
- See that?
- Well nobody lives is in here.
- How do you know?
- It's too clean, it's a guest room.
Probably for orgies. Come here...
If we're not gay there'd be stuff that
chicks left when they sleep over, right?
But there's nothing.
There's no pink shavers,
there's no tampons, there's no makeup,
there's no panties,
there's no cotton balls, there's
no birth control pills. There's nothing.
Do you see any woman's hair in here?
That's just a ball of pubes,
not proof.
What do you want?
Excuse me sir, but are we gay?
Totally.
Maybe this is just
some sort of mistake.
Hi boys, I forgot my leathers
here last night.
Bye, bye.
So that's it.
We're gay.
We're not just gay, we're super gay.
So I guess we should just bum hump
and get our memories back.
Stop it!
I'm not horny.
I know I'm gay
I just thought
I'd feel gay, you know.
And I don't feel gay.
Right now I don't care how you feel.
You're my boy toy and I need you
to help me get my memory back.
- Now take your pants off.
- Whoa, slow down!
- What?
- Aren't we rushing?
Shouldn't we have a few drinks first,
get to know each other?
Do we really have
to do that right away.
- Now bend over.
- Stop!
Enough!
What makes you so certain that
you're pithcing and I'm catching?
Maybe I'm on top.
You're obviously the bottom.
You're the pretty boy,
you're the bottom.
No way.
Wait, I'm starting to get a memory.
- Oh really...
- You're on the bottom
I'm actually getting a very vivid memory
of you being the bottom...
- You're on the bottom.
- You're.
You love it.
- I've seen your CD's.
- You came out of the bottom.
Sorry to keep bugging you guys but
we have completely lost our memories.
We were subjects in a
brain washing experiment...
That's heavy.
You really don't know who you are?
We really don't.
What do you remember?
Thanks to you we know
that we're lovers, but...
You told them that?
We're just a little unsure
of who the bottom is.
- I'm not unsure.
- I think you're unsure.
Okay, so wait. This is like
one of your experimental
testting product dealies.
That's right, you know about that.
We know everything about you guys.
Can you help us because
the only way we're getting
our memories back
is if we live our lives
the way we used to.
It would be our pleasure.
Let's start from the beginning.
One thing about you guys was
that you love to make out.
You did it all the time
in front of everybody.
Good. The sooner we do this,
the sooner we're back to normal.
Fine.
This better work.
- Do you remember anything?
- Just what you had for lunch.
That's not right.
When you guys made out
it was like the whole
world just disappeared.
It was you two
and your passionate love
and there were tongues
and gob everywhere.
Whatever. Come on.
Let's just go for it
That's good. More tongue.
That's good. A little more tongue.
That's really good.
Still nothing?
If we don't find a way of getting
our memories back it could be permanent.
Maybe if we could recreate
what we were doing
right before the experiment
we could job something?
Something you were doing before
the experiment? You were having a party.
That's right. The place was a mess.
Do you remember what it was for?
Is it important for us?
It actually was.
You guys were performing a life sex act
in front of your friends and family.
What?
- Will you let him finish?
- It was a real big deal for you guys.
You planned it for months
and wanted everyone to know
how committed
you were to each other.
Like a marriage ceremony you mean?
But with sex.
Come on, really?
I can't see myself doing
something like that.
I was there, I saw the whole show.
It was so beautiful.
We need to do
the show again, tonight.
Nugget we need a huge favor.
You need to call all
our friends and family
and get them to come back and watch
Pete and I consummate our love again.
Okay fine, I'll do it, but
you guys are going
to owe me big time.
Tell us exactly what we did.
And that's when I knew
that the unborn foetus of a rapist
had more rights than the mother.
- Listen, no hard feelings right?
- You are making a mockery
of everything that this
office stands for.
This has nothing to do with gun rights,
immigration or abortion.
Oh, really,
because I have a group of
highly motivated voters
who would strongly disagree
with you.
I know you're not a conservative,
you're just pandering.
Oh really? Too bad you can't prove it.
So sad.
They're what?
Hell yeah, I'll be there!
Thank you everybody
for being here on such short notice.
Sorry that all of you had to come back
for the repeat performance,
But
this is something that means a lot
to Ron and I so
thanks. And before we start
I just want to thank our
best friend Nugget...
Who has helped us out trough
a very diffcult time and
if it wasn't for him this would not be
possible. Thank you Nugget.
Thank you.
And listen, don't
stand so far everybody.
There's lots of room on the floor.
Please come, sit down.
Make yourselves at home. We're all
friends and family, right?
- This is about sharing.
- It's about sharing and intimacy
so we want to feel your warmth
and your presence
with us here today.
Action.
This is golden.
I think I love you.
Ron! Gross!
Ron! Gross!
Ron! Gross!
Good god Pete,
- You remember everything.
- Everything. Do you?
I just got all my memories back.
Isn't that wonderful Ron?
You know what else I just remembered:
that I am straight and we are not gay.
Me too.
It would have been so nice
if this happened about four minutes ago.
I think my nana
just had a heart attack.
Don't worry Pete, we'll get revenge
and when we do it'll be huge.
I can't believe he posted it online.
One day in politics, I'm already
in a sex scandal.
- How many views are we up to now?
- 612,419...
and that's the bana-rama re-mix.
I like the Rick Astley one better.
- I'm going back to Testico.
- Why?
I want my memory rainst again.
birthday presents here.
Tell you what, let's
go ahead and put this on...
Get ready for a big surprise.
This better be good.
Right on, you guys got me a stripper.
Nice.
Enjoy Nugget.
- Get in there.
- It's oily, but I don't care.
She doesn't talk much.
That's beautiful.
It's so firm.
It's like really well trained ass.
That's fantastic. You know what?
Point that thing somewhere else.
- That was so wrong.
- Yet, so right.
That was awesome.
- Good job, good work
- Thank you.
You got me guys.
You got me real good.
You got him for another full hour.
- Don't tell us you're done already.
- That was good, that was good...
it was really, really funny.
I was really surprised.
I hope you guys don't mind
looking over your shoulders
every minute of every day, thinking,
"Is today the Nugget gets us back?"
- I'm okay with that.
- I'm comfortable.
You know what, I'm going to go wash
because I have dude splooge
on my face.
Just don't use our towels.
- Success.
- Yes.
Let's go, I want everyone out.
Come on.
- Are you sure?
- We're sure.
We're sure, real sure. Move it.
Party pooper...
Gross!
- We're not kids anymore.
- Actually it's not just the burp
it's the after blow that gets me.
- Charming.
- Come on, let's go.
Move, we gotta be
at work in the morning.
I can't believe you guys
are still working at that awful place.
What do you mean awful?
It's the best job ever.
Increase power to... 80%.
Who are you?!
I don't know, who are you?
I don't know.
Testees - Season1 Episode3
- Ged?chtnissverlust -
?bersetzt von
blackburnious und riOrizOr
f?r
- Got no cash.
- My credit cards are missing.
Hang on a second.
My name is Peter Cooper.
I'm Ronald Mitchell and
I've donated my organs to science.
- That was very thoughtful of you.
- What happened to us?
How can we both have amnesia?
I'm scared.
Me too.
Wait...
A pay stub from a place
called Testico.
Testicle? You work at a place
called testicle?
Testico.
- There's a phone number.
- Call them.
Here.
Research facility.
My name is Ronald Mitchell
And I think I work there.
Do you know who I am?
Okay something
has happened to me and...
this disheveled looking...
- what's your name again?
- Peter Cooper. Peter Cooper.
Thanks, okay, we'll be right there.
They want us to come down there.
They know who we are. They can explain
exactly what happened to us.
So we work at a testing facility.
Maybe we're like
famous scientists?
We do what?
Test experimental drugs and products
like guinea pigs?
Why would we ever agree to that?
It's your job.
It sounds like the worst job ever.
We've been testing a
brain washing device
and we've seen this kind of
partial memory loss before.
I don't believe you. I would never agree
to something like this.
- I'm Peter Cooper.
- And I'm Ron Mitchell.
And we are of sound mind and willingly
agree to undergo
experiment A-101190
Brain Washing device.
- You may wash our brains.
- In the laundry.
Then we may not remember who we are.
Awesome, I don't want
to remember who I am.
If you're watching this do us both
a favor, forget about your old life.
Get a haircut, hit the gym,
go back to school
and get a real job.
And Ron if you're watching,
you're a secret agent assassin.
Your mission, kill Peter Cooper.
He is your mortal enemy.
- Kill Peter Cooper.
- That's actually not funny.
Kill.
The key to undoing memory loss
is familiarity.
Get back into your old routines.
Try to live your life
as closely as possible
to what it was before
the experiment.
But we don't know how
we lived our lives.
Go home, talk to your
neighbors, look at photos.
The next 24 hours are critical.
If you don't regain your memory,
the loss will be permanent.
You will never remember
your lives again.
Let's have a look around the place.
- We're poor.
- Like to party.
We're slobs.
Like to play video games.
- I am Jewish.
- Now being circumcised dosn't make you
- Jewish anymore.
- Trust me I'm Jewish.
Wait, wait.
Maybe we're bikers.
Makes perfect sense.
The place is a mess, we
don't have any credit cards
because we want to live off the grid.
We're bikers.
We're badass bikers.
We use our Testico money on meth.
That is so cool.
You know I think I kind of remember
the wind blowing trough my hair.
Let's go find our old ladies.
Jewish bikers.
There seems to be a mistake.
My application for a
beer garden was denied.
There's no mistake.
You've been rejected.
I'm afraid your street
isn't zoned for a patio.
Look I'm gentrifying the
entire neighborhood.
I'm going to have nice champagne buckets
on every table.
- It will be classy.
- Nice, buckets.
In that case. I'll just go amend
the constitution.
- I'd like to speak to your boss.
- I'm afraid that's not possible.
Your boss works for the city,
which means he works for me.
You give me one good reason
why he can't talk to me.
He's dead.
- Oh, that's terrible.
- Yeah, it is.
It really is.
I mean the saddest part...
I said it was terrible.
So where should I go?
- The service is at St. Anne's...
- No, I mean for the application.
I kind of need to get this moving.
Nobody can approve it
except for the commissioner.
Isn't there a death clause, a free pass
kind of thing, you know, out of respect?
But don't worry, because they're going
to hold an election right away
between you and me,
the new planning commissioner
- Is in this office.
- Really?
Gentlemen.
Any of you boys remember us?
So we're not bikers.
The city needs
a planning commissioner
who understands the principles
of incremental growth
through a 3% annual
increase in urban density.
Smart zoning today
for family friendly
communities tomorrow.
- He's got my vote.
- Now I'll never get my patio.
You know if you were commissioner
you could approve your own patio.
- What do you mean?
- Run for office.
Me? I don't have any experience.
Experience, ex-schmerience...
look at this douche.
I don't even know what the job is,
or what a commissioner does.
Who cares? All you have to do is
razzle dazzle these people.
I guess I could learn about zoning
and speed bumps and...
Nobody cares
about all that boring crap.
All you gotta do is hit the right
amount of paranoid right wing
hot buttons in your speech
and you can get a cactus elected.
Give me that pen, I'll show you.
One man, one woman...
One Bible
Call me an old fashioned
preacher's daughter
and registered gun owner
but that's what I call marriage.
Thank you.
So in a way that was good.
Now we know we're not bikers.
We can just cross that
right off the list.
Great, so now there's only
like a million things that we could be.
- Take a look at this picture.
- Okay, so we must be good friends.
Really good friends.
- Really, really good friends.
- Really, really good friends.
Who wear assless chaps.
- I think we're gay... lovers.
- What?
- Come on, we're just friends.
- Friends with benefits. Think about it.
We're two thirty-something
men living together...
Do you see any sign of women?
I mean take a look at yourself.
At the risk of being unpopular,
I love Jesus.
Let me show you something.
Two bedrooms.
- See that?
- Well nobody lives is in here.
- How do you know?
- It's too clean, it's a guest room.
Probably for orgies. Come here...
If we're not gay there'd be stuff that
chicks left when they sleep over, right?
But there's nothing.
There's no pink shavers,
there's no tampons, there's no makeup,
there's no panties,
there's no cotton balls, there's
no birth control pills. There's nothing.
Do you see any woman's hair in here?
That's just a ball of pubes,
not proof.
What do you want?
Excuse me sir, but are we gay?
Totally.
Maybe this is just
some sort of mistake.
Hi boys, I forgot my leathers
here last night.
Bye, bye.
So that's it.
We're gay.
We're not just gay, we're super gay.
So I guess we should just bum hump
and get our memories back.
Stop it!
I'm not horny.
I know I'm gay
I just thought
I'd feel gay, you know.
And I don't feel gay.
Right now I don't care how you feel.
You're my boy toy and I need you
to help me get my memory back.
- Now take your pants off.
- Whoa, slow down!
- What?
- Aren't we rushing?
Shouldn't we have a few drinks first,
get to know each other?
Do we really have
to do that right away.
- Now bend over.
- Stop!
Enough!
What makes you so certain that
you're pithcing and I'm catching?
Maybe I'm on top.
You're obviously the bottom.
You're the pretty boy,
you're the bottom.
No way.
Wait, I'm starting to get a memory.
- Oh really...
- You're on the bottom
I'm actually getting a very vivid memory
of you being the bottom...
- You're on the bottom.
- You're.
You love it.
- I've seen your CD's.
- You came out of the bottom.
Sorry to keep bugging you guys but
we have completely lost our memories.
We were subjects in a
brain washing experiment...
That's heavy.
You really don't know who you are?
We really don't.
What do you remember?
Thanks to you we know
that we're lovers, but...
You told them that?
We're just a little unsure
of who the bottom is.
- I'm not unsure.
- I think you're unsure.
Okay, so wait. This is like
one of your experimental
testting product dealies.
That's right, you know about that.
We know everything about you guys.
Can you help us because
the only way we're getting
our memories back
is if we live our lives
the way we used to.
It would be our pleasure.
Let's start from the beginning.
One thing about you guys was
that you love to make out.
You did it all the time
in front of everybody.
Good. The sooner we do this,
the sooner we're back to normal.
Fine.
This better work.
- Do you remember anything?
- Just what you had for lunch.
That's not right.
When you guys made out
it was like the whole
world just disappeared.
It was you two
and your passionate love
and there were tongues
and gob everywhere.
Whatever. Come on.
Let's just go for it
That's good. More tongue.
That's good. A little more tongue.
That's really good.
Still nothing?
If we don't find a way of getting
our memories back it could be permanent.
Maybe if we could recreate
what we were doing
right before the experiment
we could job something?
Something you were doing before
the experiment? You were having a party.
That's right. The place was a mess.
Do you remember what it was for?
Is it important for us?
It actually was.
You guys were performing a life sex act
in front of your friends and family.
What?
- Will you let him finish?
- It was a real big deal for you guys.
You planned it for months
and wanted everyone to know
how committed
you were to each other.
Like a marriage ceremony you mean?
But with sex.
Come on, really?
I can't see myself doing
something like that.
I was there, I saw the whole show.
It was so beautiful.
We need to do
the show again, tonight.
Nugget we need a huge favor.
You need to call all
our friends and family
and get them to come back and watch
Pete and I consummate our love again.
Okay fine, I'll do it, but
you guys are going
to owe me big time.
Tell us exactly what we did.
And that's when I knew
that the unborn foetus of a rapist
had more rights than the mother.
- Listen, no hard feelings right?
- You are making a mockery
of everything that this
office stands for.
This has nothing to do with gun rights,
immigration or abortion.
Oh, really,
because I have a group of
highly motivated voters
who would strongly disagree
with you.
I know you're not a conservative,
you're just pandering.
Oh really? Too bad you can't prove it.
So sad.
They're what?
Hell yeah, I'll be there!
Thank you everybody
for being here on such short notice.
Sorry that all of you had to come back
for the repeat performance,
But
this is something that means a lot
to Ron and I so
thanks. And before we start
I just want to thank our
best friend Nugget...
Who has helped us out trough
a very diffcult time and
if it wasn't for him this would not be
possible. Thank you Nugget.
Thank you.
And listen, don't
stand so far everybody.
There's lots of room on the floor.
Please come, sit down.
Make yourselves at home. We're all
friends and family, right?
- This is about sharing.
- It's about sharing and intimacy
so we want to feel your warmth
and your presence
with us here today.
Action.
This is golden.
I think I love you.
Ron! Gross!
Ron! Gross!
Ron! Gross!
Good god Pete,
- You remember everything.
- Everything. Do you?
I just got all my memories back.
Isn't that wonderful Ron?
You know what else I just remembered:
that I am straight and we are not gay.
Me too.
It would have been so nice
if this happened about four minutes ago.
I think my nana
just had a heart attack.
Don't worry Pete, we'll get revenge
and when we do it'll be huge.
I can't believe he posted it online.
One day in politics, I'm already
in a sex scandal.
- How many views are we up to now?
- 612,419...
and that's the bana-rama re-mix.
I like the Rick Astley one better.
- I'm going back to Testico.
- Why?
I want my memory rainst again.