Tenspeed and Brown Shoe (1980): Season 1, Episode 9 - It's Easier to Pass an Elephant Through the Eye of a Needle Than a Bad Check in Bel Air - full transcript

- I want the book!
- What if he told them he had it?

- Why are you here?
- I got separated from my troop.

We got the kid, you got the book.

What are we to do?

I'm investing
in your children's education.

- Great coming from Lawrence of Arabia.
- Bakhtar al Rashid.

- That's from "Arabian Nights".
- It's public domain.

Oh!

He has no superhuman powers,
it's not magic, it's electronics.

How is it that they can look
so 20th-century, yet be so primitive?

Let's not get kinky.



I know he's your nephew.

Hickory dickory dock!

The mouse ran up the clock.

- You don't own this hotel.
- I don't.

What do you mean "60% legal"?

- Who is?
- Lionel Whitney.

Whitney? I was told Robert Redford.

Sucker.

Giddy, giddy, gai!

Will you take it easy, Candy?

I'll end up wearing
the scar up my nose.

Why are you messing your face
with that thing for, anyway?

Scars talk to people.

Make statements,
personal statements, Candy.



Yeah, it's telling me
I should have passed on this gig.

You know I got three kids, Tenspeed?

Yeah. Turn right into next corner.

There's 10 guys I could have called
who would have done this.

I'm not asking for no thanks. I know
how much you hate driving that hack.

And here's your chance to have
this baby sitting in your garage.

- Who is the sled?
- He owns it.

He's gonna need some wheels.

You'll drive him around
and take him to the airport.

They hand you the keys and a pink slip.
That's like a tip.

That's a pretty good payment
for a minor participation.

- You didn't hear what I said.
- What's that?

I said I got three kids.

You got three kids, OK.

Call me Dr Spock, say I'm investing
in your children's future education.

Oh, man! I don't mind doing a job.
I just ain't no eyes for doing time.

- This scam of yours...
- Scam?

How can you call this a scam?

I don't know, maybe it's the beard.

Whatever you say,
just keep it going, alright?

A lot of confidence.

Let me do the talking. If you say
anything, make it like "Yes, sir".

- That'll give it a nice touch.
- How about trick or treat?

Where is the interpreter?

An interpreter is quite unnecessary,
thank you.

Oh! You speak. That is...
Of course you speak.

Mr Dillingham, I presume.

- Delighted, sir.
- Bakhtar al Rashid.

But of course. I do hope there was
no misunderstanding as far as...

We won't be needing an interpreter.
Thank you very much.

I was saying I hope there was
no misunderstanding.

The engaging of an interpreter
was not intended as deprecation.

His Highness Sheik Mahmud Ibn Zabi
is quite conversed in your language.

- Of course. He would be, of course.
- Sheik Zabi speaks nine languages.

- Oh!
- Including Hanowi.

- Are you familiar with Hanowi?
- No.

No, what you would call familiar.

I do speak a little... "poco" Spanish.

It's virtually "de rigueur"
in California.

A little French too.

If you follow me... We've set aside
the entire floor for you.

Only one?
Sheik Zabi will be terribly displeased.

Come along, boys.

- Has Mr Linden arrived as of yet?
- No, he hasn't.

But I had a call from him

saying that he might be arriving
this afternoon.

- Delightful chap.
- Yes.

Quite invaluable.

Sheik wishes to accord him
every courtesy.

Absolutely, absolutely.
And the rest of your party?

When might we be expecting them?

Sheik will arrive when Allah wills.

Oh, indeed, indeed.

I didn't mean to press for details,
it's just that...

the suite is available
for occupancy now.

Then I, sir, shall occupy it.

Savage had a stomach
full of blended Scotch

and his eye full of Madeline Wilson,

a dowager queen with more curves
than a mountain road

and a voice that washed over you
like a velvet wave,

sweet and furry and full of promises.

They were in her Pasadena estate,
being watched through painted eyes

by a gallery of distorted people
painted by Van Gogh

obviously trying to get even
with himself for cutting off his ear.

They leered from the wall
like ghastly cripples.

Mark Savage and Madeline
chatted amiably

about her late husband, Chase Wilson,

who'd ended his stay on Earth by trying
to catch six bullets in his mouth,

which is a crummy idea,
even if you aren't tied to a bed

in the attic of your own house.

The police were still calling it
an accidental death.

It was as accidental as a Broadway
opening and almost as well received.

Just a minute!

Come on in!

Hi.

I'm looking for E.L. Turner.

E.L. Turner?
He's an associate of this office.

This is the Whitney Agency,
I'm Whitney.

Is he around?

No, he's not. What can I do for you?

I got to talk to Uncle E.L. right away.

Uncle? Wait a minute. You're his nephew?

Really? I had no idea!

I mean, I know that...

I knew that he has
a brother in San Francisco.

- My dad.
- Your father!

Yes. See?
B.L. is short for Brendan Leroy.

Brendan! Well, it's nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you!

Come on in. If you have a problem,
we'll deal with it, we'll handle it.

It's kind of personal.

- Yeah?
- Well...

- See, I got myself into some...
- Trouble?

Yeah. Now I need some...

- Help.
- Yeah.

I really got to talk to him.
Do you know where he is?

No, I don't know where he is right now.

According to a note, he's moving.

He's been looking for a bigger place.

As I mentioned,
this is the Presidential Suite.

Very nice, very nice! Much better!

Are you sure this won't be
an inconvenience for President Carter?

- No, of course not.
- Uh-huh.

I'd like to put Mr Linden in the blue
room across the hall from the sheik.

It's important he's accessible to him
at all times.

Yes, sir.

I've been with the hotel for 18 years.

If there's anything
you might want to question...

- I will call you.
- Anything at all.

I'd like to speak to your sommelier.

The sheik does not drink alcohol,
but there are guests to consider.

I'll send him up.

I'd like to drop a note to Jimmy,
thanking him for the suite.

Stenographer?

That will be Miss Tandberg.

- Miss Tandberg.
- Yes.

Very nice. Very nice indeed.

I'd like to speak to your florist
as soon as possible.

And your chef.
Not the sous chef, understand?

Miss Tandberg and I
will make a list of requirements.

Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

Not at all, not at all.

Sucker.

Oh, this is nice. I like this.

I don't like this.

I never figured he wouldn't be here.
I thought he would know what to do.

I've been waiting for this Scout trip
all year long, just planning.

A group of us was supposed to go
to Angeles National Forest on a...

Scout trip? Camporee?

Camporee. Except I probably got
kicked out now because I missed the bus.

Mr Dakova, my Scoutmaster,
when he checked us all into the bus,

I had to go.

Off the bus?
You didn't ask his permission?

There were so many of us and he was
busy. I didn't want to bother him.

I know I've broken just about
every part of the Scout oath.

I wasn't trustworthy,
helpful or obedient.

Well, you haven't been deliberately
disobedient, Brendan. I see what it is.

I can help you. We'll catch up with them
and I'll talk to Mr Dakova.

But I was going to try
for my merit badge in semaphore.

You see, with 3 badges
I could be a Lifescout.

But now I'll probably get kicked out.

No, come on. Scouts are supposed
to be resourceful, right?

We'll be resourceful.
First of all, we'll find your uncle.

We'll go by his old apartment,
we'll track him down.

The name of my patrol was Flaming Arrow.
The patrol call was...

Your name Turner?

No. E.L. Turner is my associate.
I'm Lionel Whitney.

Where is Turner?

I don't know.
Is there a message I can get him?

Yeah. We got a message.

Yes, so that will be
a salad in pumpernickel.

You want a celery tonic with it?
Will that be it?

Yes.

Alright.

Excuse me. Thank you.

Nobody will deliver these days.

You'd like to get out for lunch,
case work piles up...

Shut up. Where's the book?

Hand it over, stilts.

Hand it over and maybe Taps here
won't have you working off a skateboard

the rest of your life. Where is it?

Wait.

Fire! Fire!

Another time.

Let's get out.

You should never turn in a false alarm.
It's dangerous.

Luckily, everything is OK.

And that thing about the sandwiches,
the delivery boy,

how did you think
to do a thing like that?

Actually, just came kind of naturally.

I deliver for a deli back at home.

I'm saving up to send my mom and dad
on a trip to Hawaii.

Very considerate.

Those guys really scared me.
They did look at me.

Maybe they're still around.

I have a black belt in karate.

- I haven't.
- I'm sorry, you can't park here.

I just did.

I see that you did.
It's an assigned space.

There's a name on the bumper, Turner.

- He told me to leave it there so I did.
- Who did?

This is Uncle E.L.'s car?

No, this is not. Where can we find him?

He's at the Blackthorn Hotel in Bel Air.

- What name is he using?
- I don't remember. Something weird.

But you'll find him.
Just ask for the Presidential Suite.

I know what's it like to miss
a camporee. There will be others.

I hope Uncle E.L. lets me call home
first before Mr Dakova.

Then the parents get worried.

Uncle E.L. will make sure
I get home safely.

You think a great deal of your uncle,
don't you?

Yeah, yeah.

He's a fine man.

He's a fine man.
I think so, you think so.

Dad just doesn't agree with that.

Your father?

Yeah. He thinks that E.L.
is a bad role model for me.

It doesn't make sense.
He's always been great to me.

And he says he's a crook. Is he a crook?

A crook, E.L.?

I'm thinking.

Mr Dywalter, my Scoutmaster, he was...
That was a role model.

He was always...

Is he a crook, Mr Whitney?

He's your uncle, Brendan.

No, we work together. We're private
detectives. Of course he's not a crook.

- That's Scout's honour.
- That's Scout's honour.

That's something.

Come on, come on.

Buck up. Look, you missed
your camporee, right?

So what? We'll have a camporee here,
you and I. We'll sing a round, a wheel.

"Down at the station,
early in the morning."

You know it? We'll start at the top.

Down at the station,
early in the morning.

See the little puffer...

You're supposed to come in on "see".

You know this one?

You know, timing is the key element.
Just watch me.

Down at the station,
early in the morning.

See the little pufferbellies
all in a row.

See the station master
blow the little whistle.

Chug, chug, puff, puff off we go.

Lester, you hear me OK?

I hear you. You didn't get it.

Yeah, that's right, we didn't get it.
But we're on top of things.

We followed Whitney to this hotel.

He's in the Presidential Suite.

Why do you talk to me about that?

I want the book!

Hey.

What is this?

Prosciutto e melone.

Figs! I ordered Parma figs!

OK, Mucker. Let me tell you
what I want to hear.

I want to hear you found Turner
and you found the book.

- That's all I want to hear, capisce?
- Sure, Lester.

Only if you was here, you'd see some
weird stuff going down, like the kid.

If the kid's from the sandwich shop,
what's he doing in the hotel?

Why do you talk to me about sandwiches?
Get the book.

You don't get the book, I'm a dead man.

And, baby,
I'm not going to die by myself.

This is very nice wine.

'76, I'd say. Nice nose on it.

We'll order the '76.
Make a note of that.

If you'd like to go
through this again briefly.

For the sheik's private apartment
and Mr Linden.

Yes, colourful but informal,
you understand?

We might have a few bottles of the '76
chilled in Mr Linden's refrigerator.

A welcoming gesture, that sort of thing.
Chap should be arriving shortly.

It might be him now.
There will be legal papers to consider.

I'll need your assistance,
Miss Tandberg.

I'm sorry, my mistake.

Terribly sorry.

I could have sworn the elevator operator
said the Presidential Suite was 37...

Brendan, Brendan.

Stay right there. Hold on a second,
wait there for a second.

- What do you want?
- Are you trying out for the school play?

- What are you doing here?
- I don't know.

- I gave Brendan my word.
- Brendan!

- I gave him my Scout's...
- What are you doing here?

I lost my Scout troop.

- He got separated.
- Scouting troop?

I'm having a little party.

- A costume party.
- May I talk to you privately?

I'd also like to talk to you.

Alright, you can come in, but be quiet.

Not a word, you hear me?

Excuse me, I have some pressing business
I have to attend to.

Speak to you later. Miss Tandberg,
I will be in touch with you.

I'd be expecting the wine.

Be sure the sous chef
is not in the kitchen. Thank you.

I'll be out soon,
I want to talk to Brendan.

This is the big con, isn't it?

I never heard of anybody
that could pull it off.

This is a classic.

You are the classic,
you and this adventures of Scouting.

I knew he'd fall for it
the first time I looked at him.

You should have seen us in the car.
He was singing 'Wheels'.

- 'Wheels'?
- What a turkey!

E.L!

The guy is not a turkey.

He happens to be a friend of mine.

And I guess
he wants to be your friend too.

So, lay off.

No mark? By the way, are you hot?

E.L!

So, you ran away from home again, huh?
You'd better have a good explanation.

That's great coming
from Lawrence of Arabia.

Bakhtar al Rashid.

That's from 'Arabian Nights'.
What are you doing?

There's a young impressionable boy
in there.

Do you realise how damaging...?

Would you hold it?
Are you talking about B.L?

I told him you weren't a crook
and he trusted me.

You're talking about my nephew.

What's going on here is 60% legal.

I'm doing a service
for the sovereign state of Zafir.

You made up a country?

You probably never heard of Abu Dhabi
before either.

- I've heard of that.
- Remember those nomads?

They were in the desert,
being chased around by guys on camels.

They settled down in this little sandbox
about a year and a half ago.

And they struck oil. I read about it.

I read in the paper a month ago
that the Sheik Zabi is coming to town

to purchase some land,
so I want to sell him this hotel.

- Like it?
- You don't own this hotel!

What do you mean "60%" legal?
That's out-and-out fraud.

No, it's not fraud.

I made a deal with the company
that represents the owners.

I'm gonna put Sheik Zabi
and the real estate people together.

- A nice substantial finder's fee.
- You?

No, not me, actually. Mr Linden,
he's a sort the macho man.

A host with the most.

A Hollywood party-giver.

You're the man
with a thousand faces.

- Somebody's knocking. Should I get it?
- No, B.L!

I'll tend to it. Thank you.

Who's this, some of the old favourites?

Shut up. You've already thrown me
off my timetable.

I was supposed to be
out of this gear already.

- Yes?
- Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that...

- Hey, that's him!
- Excuse me, what's going on?

You take care of him, I'll get stilts.

Thank you, my brother.

It's always a welcoming sight to see
one who comes to the aid of another.

And I'm...

OK, let's not get kinky.

Look, man, I'm one of you.
A landsman, "paisano".

Blood!

You've done it again.

You steal some book and you get us
attacked and almost killed twice.

How many times do I have to tell you
I know nothing about no book?

- Nothing about no book?
- No book. You can help me here.

- No.
- Do you know any Arabic?

- No.
- What good are you?

We have to make friends
with these people.

I got to go, Uncle E.L.

You just go over here and you sit down.

- I can't hold it.
- Sit down, shut up.

OK, wait a minute.

They're not responding.

I know they are not responding.
That's very observant of you.

- That's gibberish.
- Gibberish. Let me try this.

Bottom line, you work for Sheik Zabi.

We're getting somewhere here.

I work for Sheik Zabi.

You hit a...

They responded to something,
a phrase, a key phrase.

Great. I mentioned
the leader of their country.

That doesn't get us out.

Look at these turkeys.

They wouldn't know the difference
between Washington's farewell address

and 'Hey, diddle-diddle,
the cat and the fiddle'.

Wait a minute, the rhyme.
They are amused by the poetry.

Let me try it again.

Hey, diddle-diddle,
the cat and the fiddle.

Yeah! Yeah!

This works. It just needs some...

It needs just a little more.

Hey, wait, bro!

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.
Jack jumped over a candlestick.

Just listen.

That was a goodie!

Hickory dickory dock

The mouse ran up the clock

The clock struck one
and down he run.

Yeah, yeah!

Hey, diddle-diddle,
the cat and the fiddle

The cow jumped over the moon!

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.

The answer is in the fingers, yeah?

The mouse ran up the clock.

Hickory dickory dock.

Hey, Lionel,
I think our troubles are over.

Hickory dickory dock.

You hear me? Do you hear me alright?

What am I, deaf? You say that
every time. Every time!

Well, I just...
You got that about them Arabs, right?

I don't want to hear it.
What the hell are they doing?

They come out the door waving knives,

and Taps has come out with something
all over his clothes, smell like fish.

Some lieutenants I've got.
I'm out here on the bocce court.

It's the find, you know?

I need bad news from you.

I thought you wanted to know.

I know what's going on. It's a disaster.

What's gonna happen
when the dudes uptown

find out about the book?

I'm gonna lose my territory.

We're gonna get it back.

When? When I pay off everybody?

What's the matter?
Do you think you're on vacation?

We don't have it
because of them Arabs.

I don't wanna hear about no Arabs.

Be with you one minute, OK?

OK, Mucker. I'm coming down.
I'm gonna get the book.

I don't care what it takes.

If I have to waste Turner, Whitney
and the Arabs, OK.

- What about the sandwich kid?
- What about him?

You talk about wasting everybody
but don't mention him.

- I think he's part of it, Lester.
- Hey, you crazy!

Nobody touches the kid.
What are we? Animals?

Not only you do not touch him,

I don't want him around
when the thing goes down.

It could warp his personality.

- Well, I just thought...
- What?

You know the problem with you, Mucker?

You're not a family man.

Yes, Dad.

You really are wonderful.

If I'm quick to criticise, it's only
fair for me to be quick to praise.

Thank you.

- You have unique gifts.
- Thank you.

It's an exploitation of these innocents.

I knew that was coming.

How is it they can look so 20th-century,
and yet be so primitive?

They were stranded in the desert
for so long,

they probably never saw a light bulb
until the sheik sent them here.

- And the book.
- What book?

- The book the thugs want.
- I don't know about it.

They say you do.

Are you gonna take their word
against mine, right?

Abracadabra!

Abrakazam!

Baking a cake just because I can.

Happy as a kid.

Which is more than can be said
for Brendan.

I had planned on getting back sooner.

Brendan can take care of himself.

I am worried. There was no reason
for him to lie to me.

He just likes to keep his fingers in.

Yeah, he's right here.

Uncle E.L., Dad wants to talk to you.

What? Oh.

You mustn't be intimidated by this.

It's not magic.
He has no superhuman powers.

It's electronics.

Of course,
if it's something you enjoy...

It's all in the fingers, Lionel.

Clancy? How is it doing?

What the hell do you mean?

Megan sent the boy to the market
to pick up a can of tomatoes.

He ends up at the Presidential Suite
at the Blackburn Hotel with you?

That is how I'm doing!

Wait, wait a minute.
I did not issue this invite to B.L.

His name is not B.L.

His name is Brendan!

I know, Brendan Leroy.
B.L. is short for that.

Just send him home. That's all.

Alright, look.

I had the boy call you,
I knew you'd be worried.

- Why are we fighting?
- I'm sorry.

We've been going crazy
not knowing where he went.

I know. There's a plane out at
five o'clock. He'll be on it.

- Excuse me.
- Yes, sir?

Mr Dillingham ordered transportation for
me to the airport, for me and my party.

I'm Mr Linden.

Yes, sir. You requested a station wagon.

Yes, for me and all these people.

But you see,
you didn't allow us much time.

We weren't able
to come up with the wagon.

What are we to do?

Sir, you see,
the bell captain drives one.

He said he'd be happy to...

Of course he would, and so would we.
Why don't you go and get him, darling?

OK, hurry now!

You see how that works?

We got a plane to catch!

- Who's paying for all of this?
- Sheik Zabi.

Right on, right on.

Look, it's raised to the cultural
attaché. Call it a package deal.

I guess you know
you're probably single-handedly

wrecking all future relationships
between the U.S. and Zafir.

Do these gentlemen look happy?

- I rest my case.
- Why are you bringing them with us?

There's a couple of guerrillas
after some book

neither of us know anything about.

I think we're gonna need
the palace guards.

- I'm hungry.
- You can eat something on the plane.

Let me get some quick room service.

Just get in the car.

We charged it to Sheik Zabi.

Hickory dickory dock!

He hasn't had anything to eat all day.

We'll pick up something
on the way to the airport.

Maybe some fries.

Thank you!

So long now. Bye!

Hey, Lionel, they're gonna love this.

Yeah.
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner.

Hi! May I take your order, please?

Come on, this isn't right, E.L.

Your order, please.

Why do you have to be
such a party pooper?

- I want a taco.
- It's a woman talking to a microphone.

Make that seven cheeseburgers,
seven fries, five colas,

one milk and one shake.

Never mind the shake.

OK, that'll be seven cheeseburgers,
seven fries, five colas and one milk.

You don't like magic?
They seem to dig it.

They dig it.

I'll tell you, these are noble people.

And when you astound them
by changing a red light to a green,

that's not only counter-educational,
but it's somewhat condescending.

I gotta talk to you.

You're sending me on this plane
and you don't know what's going down.

We know that you ran away from home.

You've to face the consequences.
We also know you're not a Scout.

You must have thought
I was pretty foolish singing.

It's not very nice.

What is it?

- I...
- I what?

I took the book.

You what?!

I stole the book from Lester Rollins.

Rollins? Who's Lester Rollins?

He's this number runner
up in San Francisco.

- The numbers racket?
- Yeah.

He's always ripping off everybody else,
not like I've stolen from a church.

Who's Lester Rollins?

He's a weird guy.
He has a Marlon Brando fixation.

Are you crazy? He could kill you.

No, they don't think I did it.

I sort of talked to them and worked
things out. They'll negotiate with you.

Do they think I stole the book?

And the two guys are looking for it?

Where is this book?

It's... Um...

It's in a... a locker.

- Where?
- A bus station locker.

Open the door, Mr Whitney.
I gotta go, Uncle E.L.

- To go where?
- To the bathroom. Open the door.

- You'd better go.
- Yeah.

Oh.

I've gotta think.

At least these guys are happy.

Don't get scared, kid,
nobody's gonna hurt you.

Honest.
Nobody's gonna lay a hand on you.

We're trying to make
this business deal with Mr Turner.

And we can't get to him
on account of all them Arabs.

We was thinking
maybe you could help.

We can make it worth your while.

Say, 50 bucks?

OK. Say $100.

All you got to do to earn it
is stay out of the way a couple hours.

How does that sound? OK?

- I owe you an apology.
- Yeah?

I thought you were lying when you said
you didn't know anything about the book.

It's a little bit
like the boy who cried wolf.

Hey!

Hey, that's B.L.!

Why are you stopping?

Why are we stopping?

What's the matter?

Can you believe this?

I got a call full of Arabs.
I run out of gas.

We have to call the police.

- No, wait.
- What if they don't call?

They'll call. They want the book.

Wait a minute.
What if he told them he had the book?

He wouldn't cop to anything like that.
He's got more brains.

Humpty Dumpty, Humpty Dumpty.

I'm not upset.

Oh, man! I should have seen this coming.
I knew it was gonna happen.

The kid told me he wanted to be like me.

It's my fault, it's all my fault.

It's not your fault.
You present a very glamorous image.

That's who you are, you can't help that.

No, it is.

If I ever had a kid,
I'd want him to be like Brendan.

He's a lot like me, you know?

I mean, he's got style.

He's quick on the uptake.

Come on. You've got a vivid
imagination, an eye for opportunity.

Streak of larceny.

Look.

If you call the cops that means
juvenile hall for that kid.

You think he's learnt a lot from me?
Give me a chance to straighten him out.

I gotta straighten him out.

They want a book?
We'll give them a book.

- We don't have the book.
- Leave the details to me.

Something that significant
hardly seems like a detail.

Look...

Well, here we are,
and sooner than Allah expected.

That's Mr Linden.
Sheik Zabi, your Mr Linden.

Charmed!

- I was told he speaks 9 languages.
- Nine?

- So far, I've only heard one.
- Really?

It's all complaints.
I'll leave you to settle in.

If there's anything you need,
please call me.

- Yes.
- Anything at all.

Yes, OK. Bye now!

Sheik Zabi, I'm really sorry about this.

Where is party?

- Party?
- Party, party of stars.

I was told Barbara Eden, Jeannie.

Jeannie? It's kind of hard
to get to her.

You have to stroke him a little bit.

- Who is?
- Lionel Whitney.

Whitney? I was told Robert Redford.

Robert Redford.

I was told party. This is party?

Party is with laughing and with ladies.
Here there is nothing.

Nothing, nothing. But you see, I've been
having a bit of problems of my own.

I was told Farrah Fawcett. Blonde hair.

- Very nice.
- Nice, yes.

I feel like I'm speaking
to a wind tunnel. You deal with this.

Your Highness, Mr Linden
isn't in an any emotional state

to deal with party arrangements.

It's a problem of a very
personal nature, you understand?

No, I don't understand.

- Hello?
- That's you, Turner?

- Yeah, it's me.
- We got the kid.

I know. Let me talk to him.

Not until we make the exchange.

How do you want to handle it?

Tell me where, I'll be there.

No, I don't know this town.

OK.

- Melrose and Sixth, the bowling alley.
- No.

The Red Lighthouse Theatre?

No.

Look, you come up with it, you hear me?

You come up with it, you hear me?

What do you mean?
Of course I hear you!

Why is everybody asking me that?

Hello? Hello!

OK. Hey, wait, look.
Nobody wants any surprises here.

We're gonna keep this thing
out in the open.

Why don't we make it
the Hazelteen Stables,

in the exercising ring in an hour?

No, not tonight. I want it in the open,
where I can see what's going down.

- Make it in the morning.
- You make it now.

6 am.

Hey, kid! How are you doing?

This popcorn is stale.

The popcorn's stale.

We'll send out for some pizza.
How does that sound?

Alright. No anchovies.

No, I've got trouble with them myself.

Hey.

Make it a pepperoni and meatball.
Thin crust.

I hear you, Lester.

Hey, kid. I'm sorry about all this.

I told Mucker to leave you out,

but he's no good
at following directions.

It's alright, it's alright.

I could have used that $100 he gave me.

You know, my dad just got laid off

and times are hard.

My mom, she wants to help,

but it's a shame because she can't,
her back.

Yeah, I have a paper route
and everything,

but it just doesn't seem
to bring in enough money.

- They're late.
- I can see they're late.

It's gonna be alright.

It better be.
I figure it's all my fault.

Don't blame yourself.

You love him, I know that.

Yeah, I love him.

If this thing doesn't go south,
maybe I'll get him into Scouting.

- What's this?
- A wonderful organisation.

Give me the book.

- Uncle E.L!
- Hey!

Give me the book.

Give me the boy.

Go!

Hey, come back! Now! Get him!

Get him!

Open the gates!

Where's Lester?

Give me the horse.

I'm sorry your deal fell through.

What's a million dollar's commission?

You walked away from a million dollars?

He would have walked away from
a great deal more than that for you.

Come on, we got a plane to catch.

Besides, your uncle
isn't in real estate.

We really are private detectives.
And doing rather well at it.

Yeah, yeah.
Put all that stuff in the car.

Yeah, couple of repos, couple of tricks
with the old private eye business,

we'll have a million back in no time.

Well, thank you, guys.

It's been great hanging out with you.

As preposterous as all of this seemed,

one does get a sense
of the family of men.

It's an important thing, Brendan.

Everybody calls me B.L.

Nobody calls you B.L.

Your name is Brendan, you got that?

Brendan Leroy Turner.

What you want stencilled on your shirt
when you grow up? B.L.T?

Do your dad a favour
and go straight, legit.

Alright!

I mean it.

I'm joining the Scouts. What more?

You're gonna love Scouting.

It's gonna make some big changes in him.

And vice versa.

No, no, guys, wait.
Wait, I can't stay. I gotta go.

You belong with Sheik Zabi, you see?

How can I say this?

Jack and Jill

went up a hill

to fetch a pail of water.

Jill fell down and broke her crown...

and Jack had to split.

I gotta go, I gotta go.

You see... Wait a minute.
Wait, wait. I can't.