Temptation Island (2019–…): Season 4, Episode 7 - Message Received - full transcript

Previously
on "Temptation Island"...

Do you want me?

I feel like sometimes
I just get scared

of, like, where it could,
like, end up.

Guess who's back

to get between
you and your girl?

This Deac, ha!

I'm actually a fan.
I'm a fan.

I'm the shower girl.

I got a text message
from somebody

that I had been
that was like,



"Hey, sir, are you up?

Wake up
so you can me."

I only want you.
Forget Ashley.

I need you in my life

as a girlfriend, future wife.

Um, okay.

One, I'm a bit confused
as to why he just took

that huge jump and... for her.

Two, I feel like

he saw something in my clip

that kind of made him
act like that way,

'cause that just
was, like, a whole,

"All right, bye.
Seven years, gone."

You were watching
a clip of Lascelles.



Now, rather than going...

"I can't believe
that he seems to be

falling for someone else,"

you immediately say,
"It's my fault."

He's gone,
is what it sounded like.

And yet you're standing here

holding your shit together.

Ashley, look.

I'm coming over to you
because this is too distant.

I want you to say to yourself,

"I'm worth feeling
any emotion I want,

"and no one else
really matters."

- Okay?
- Yeah.

Now you're in a safe place.

- Open the valve.
- I will.

I'm not convinced you will.

I'm not convinced you will.

Prove me wrong, okay?

And you don't
have to say that you will

or say the right thing.

- Yeah.
- Just do it.

- See how you feel.
- All right.

That's bonfire, ladies.
Thank you.

You guys can head back
to your villa.

I'll see you soon.
All right.

There's no way you're gonna
tell someone you just met

that,
"I want you to be my wife."

Like, it's hurtful, you're...

kind of disrespecting me
and disrespecting what we have.

You have all of the opportunity

to just lean into
all of the growth

- you've ever wanted.
- Yeah.

He clearly doesn't care.

And I thought he did
this whole time, but...

clearly not.

Going into tonight's bonfire,
I'm ready to see

how else Gillian
is going to hurt me.

But also ready
to let go of her more.

- Hi guys.
- Hey, Mark.

- Hey, Mark.
- Hello.

Gentlemen, welcome to bonfire.

How you feeling?
How you doing?

- Little nervous.
- Nervous.

- Anxious?
- Yeah, anxious for sure.

Definitely.

Hania, we're going to
start with you.

- All right.
- Okay, here we go.

I like you.

And you are patient

and you're sweet.

I'm glad you're still here.

I wouldn't want to be
on this island without you.

My heart's pounding right now.

You know, I...

This is what
I wanted her to do, you know?

And we didn't set
any rules, and I...

I don't know that I expected her

to make such a connection,
you know?

Out of one part of your mouth,

you had been saying
how you love her so much

and don't want to lose her,
and at the same time

- you want this for her.
- Mm-hmm.

How do you reconcile that?

The same thing I want for her
is my greatest fear.

I... am dreading that
she will make some connection

that is more powerful than ours.

What does that bring up for you?

And right now what I'm seeing is

a little bit of what
appears to be mature,

is actually a dance around fear,

of that, "If I really
look at this shit,

"I might get
my heart broken."

I don't want to
live in fear, though.

You know, I have been afraid.

And still am.

But I'm not going to
live there, you know?

And one of the things
that I'm working on

is actually
putting myself out there

for the person I love.

- Thank you, buddy.
- Thank you, Mark.

Okay.

Luke, are you ready?

- Yes.
- Okay, here we go.

Who is that?

Deac!

Sorry, I'm a huge fan.

- Guess who's back?
- Deac's back!

To get between
you and your girl?

It's Deac, hah!

-I'm actually a fan.
I'm a fan.

- I follow you.
- How are you?

- What's your name?
- I'm Iris.

Watching everyone,
it does get lonely.

I mean, I figured, yeah.

Everyone's going to bed
with someone else.

- I'm just like...
- Already?

And I have the master bedroom,

and I'm just like,
what the?

Okay.

Talk to me.

It's pretty funny
that he's actually here,

because I think on social media,

she was watching
a lot of his stuff.

I know that she thinks
he's really funny and comedic.

Seeing the clip with him
coming in and him saying,

"It's Deac,
the guy that gets in between

"your girl and your guy,"
or whatever, like,

time will tell, but I think

Iris is strong enough to,
you know,

know the difference
between him and I.

And well, let me also say, like,

the second you see the clip,
you feel one way.

And then five seconds later,

where I'm at right now,
I'm thinking,

"Okay, so now this
could be a bigger threat.

"And now
I'm a little more worried

"than I was
ten seconds ago."

Our brains want to
protect us from pain.

And unfortunately, what
I'm trying to get you to do

is drop that protection
to feel pain.

Which also lives
in your relationship

with the single girls.

So, maybe some of the women

in the house, you want me to
open up and really explore that?

What I'm saying is if
you're sitting with somebody,

you feel something, feel that,

just like we felt
what we felt at the bonfire.

Okay. I can...
I can definitely work on that.

- Edgar.
- Hey.

Okay, pal, let's watch together.

Here we go.

Let them know.

- Don't forget the J.
- No, we doin' T.S.

Oh, kiss Tommy,
he's so sexy! Eh!

I'm relieved to see that
they weren't having sex.

Okay.

I know and I want to let go.

I'm just trying to

get my heart to also let go.

Why do you feel
that you need to let go?

Because it hurts
to love her, Mark.

It hurt before we got here.

It hurt when
we were here together.

And now it's just, like,
amplified ten times.

You had said last time
that she was lying to herself,

you're lying to yourself,

so this gap between what
you want to be and what is.

What do you think
Gillian was lying to you about

or lying to herself about?

I think Gillian
was lying to herself about...

how much she actually loves me.

So then, if she was lying
to herself about that,

what were you lying
to yourself about with Gillian?

I was, um...

projecting...

the ideal woman on her...

- when she wasn't.
- She's human.

- Yeah.
- That's really insightful.

Do you think there's part
of you that doesn't like it,

but is used to the feeling

of loving more
than the other person?

Why do you think that is?

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure, either.

Okay.

Getting all ready for me,
are you, Lascelles?

- Ready. Bring it on.
- Let's take a look.

How you been feeling, though,
lately, after everything?

The last night
was a little bit rough, but...

I just got to
keep reminding myself

to really think about
what makes me happy,

and that is being
with someone who...

feels comfortable
showing their emotions.

- What are you writing, babe?
- I put BB.

- Bad bitch?
- Blake Blumenshine.

What you feeling right now?

I can't even say I'm upset,
to be honest.

I would like to say
I feel hurt, but I don't.

I know she mentioned that,

"I wish I could be with someone
who was expressive,"

and I just didn't have
the space to do that.

Obviously, right now,
I'm just a lot more authentic

with how I feel,
I'm more expressive.

I tell Trace... yesterday
I told her I love her.

That was big.

And I never thought
I'd say that.

Hold on.

So, you really...

You told her you love her?

- Yeah.
- What's up?

What you feeling right now?

- Guilt.
- Mm.

Because I know
she's going to see that,

and she's going to be
hurt by that.

But it's real.

You know,
everything I'm feeling,

that's legit, that's authentic.

And at first,
I was holding that back,

and I said, "Oh,
I don't want to hurt Ashley."

But then I'm here for myself.

I'm not here to protect
anybody else's feelings.

I'm here to discover mine.

Are you saying you're falling
out of love with Ashley?

- Or is this in addition to?
- No.

If I'm being honest myself,
I think I am.

I'm going to caution
all of you from making

any definitive decisions
until you're done.

Imagine how much
has changed since we met.

Right?

Well,
there's potential for more.

One more thing.

Soon you'll have
the option to send

a 30-second video message
to your girlfriends.

Now, you can say whatever
you want in this message,

and you don't have to send one
if you don't want to.

It's entirely up to you.
Got it?

Okay, boys.
That's it.

Back to the villa.

Good luck on your journey

and keep working.

- Good job.
- Thank you, Mark.

All right, guys.

Right now I'm feeling
a range of emotions.

I am happy that
Ashley is forming

an emotional connection
with someone.

And it makes me feel
a little bit less guilty

having my emotional connection.

It's good to be home.

I never thought
I'd say that about this house.

Considering if I should
send a video message or not.

I'm probably
not going to send one.

- Ooh.
- I don't have shit to say.

Or I will send one and just say,

"Hey, you up?"

Hania has been
his way through life.

And I'm being shown
that I am making

the absolute
right choice here by deciding

that his happiness
really doesn't involve me,

and it never has.

Like, if I do send anything,

I don't want it to be petty,

and that's going to be
my first instinct.

And I feel like, being like,

"You were never worthy

"of that amount
of love from me."

But I don't want to
say that to him in a message.

Why?

I want to say that to his face.

- Oh, they look so good.
- I know.

- Hi!
- Hey.

- How'd it go?
- It went all right.

I didn't have to
watch another sex tape,

- which was really nice.
- That's really good.

- Thank you.
- Got some words on this one?

Yes, some words in this one.

Not very many.

There's a big part of me
that feels like a...

A fool, you know?

Like an idiot.

Like I've been kidding myself.

Watching her connect with him,

it just hurts.

And so...

I'm really glad
for the opportunity

to send her a message tomorrow.

I mean, I finally
saw her having a conversation.

Yeah, that's what you wanted.

And that's what I wanted.

But it was also,
like, hard to watch

because, you know,
I know she's, like,

really connecting
to this person.

But I'm proud of her, you know,

because she's always telling me

that she doesn't connect
with people.

And so, she found somebody.
And so, like, I'm proud of her.

And yes, for her,
that includes sex.

- So, there it is, you know.
- Okay.

I know Hania is trying to look
on the bright side of things,

like, trying to put
a positive spin

on what he sees at the bonfire.

I think in some ways,
Hania may be

romanticizing his relationship.

So, I'm nervous that
she's going to let him down.

And I care about Hania,
so that would suck.

- I'm releasing her.
- Yeah?

And tonight...

helped...

reinforce that idea.

Because, I mean,
they just showed me clips

of her making out
with what's-his-face.

- That's hella hurtful.
- She's in the shit.

- She's in the shit.
- She's really going for it.

Yeah, she is.
And I don't care anymore.

We're supposed to get
videos tomorrow.

- Oh, that the girls send?
- Yeah.

And I don't want one.

It's time for you to figure out

what Edgar wants,

and what Edgar needs,
and give that to yourself.

We saw who the other guy was
that went into the house.

- Yeah?
- So, it was Deac.

Yeah, Deac.

When she saw him, she ran up,

seemed like she was
a little starstruck,

like, holy shit, she's really...

kind of about this guy
in this stargazing type of way.

And it's just like...

I would love for her
to look at me like that,

- kind of thing.
- He's a character.

He's probably
one of the bigger threats,

maybe, to the whole thing.

I think
Deac plans on, you know...

He's going there with a purpose.

And if, like,
Luke's girlfriend's

already fangirling over him,
it might be trouble.

Yeah, I think
they're going to be.

That's my honest opinion.

A lot of times at night,
you would think that

Ash would come up to mine
a lot more.

But she hasn't.

And it's like,
it means I'm moving on.

Mm-hmm.

And it's a good feeling,
but also...

I just need to process
me feeling guilty

about making her feel sad.

I feel like
I'm hurting my best friend.

I'm feeling, like,
a mix of grateful

that I found someone
and found myself.

But also guilty that,

because of that, it hurts her.

I just...
I care about her as a person.

So, I want her to know that
what I'm doing is legit.

Like, I legit love you.

We've had our inconsistencies

with, you know, feelings,

and I still have that, like,

part of me that's like...

"Mm, don't get your hopes up.

- "He's saying that, but..."
- Yeah.

"You still have some time here,
then shit may change."

I'm sure right now,
in this space right here,

- I'm a very happy person.
- All that matters.

Because
I've been working on myself.

We've been working on us.

If I had to make a decision now,

No, you lying.

There is a piece of hope
that I'm like, you know,

maybe he will pick me
over everything.

But I absolutely think
it's just very premature

and I still think he has
a lot of emotions and thoughts

that he kind of has to
come to terms with

before he makes that decision.

Talking to you definitely helps.

- It's so helpful.
- Mm-hmm.

I saw that my boyfriend was
talking to the same girl saying,

"I want you to be
my girlfriend, my wife.

"Forget Ashley."

You know, I feel like

the past seven years
were just fake,

like, lies he was telling me,

and now I see his true colors.

I feel like

I don't deserve
anything like that.

But I still...

I still couldn't deal with it.

Maybe I'm just too afraid
to just move on.

And I know it's not good,

but still I just...

I kind of just suck it up.

I know I didn't do
anything wrong.

Exactly.

Yeah.

I feel like I had to see

something like that
from Lascelles

in order to be like,

"All right.
My walls are down now.

"Time to do
what I think is best for me."

And now I feel free.

Hah, it's so cold in here.

- Hey.
- Hey. Hey.

- What's up, everyone?
- Not much.

Just talking about
our problems in life.

Problems again.

Thank you.

I wrote a song yesterday
for the Ashleys.

I think it's going to
open up the floodgates.

The floodgates.

Here you go, my boy.

Taylor knows how to
play the guitar?

Oh, my God.
I'm finding new things out.

Oh, my God.

That was a little
surprise for y'all.

I didn't think
you could get more attractive.

And I was so wrong.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, it was so
beautiful, thank you.

I've never had anyone
write a song for me,

so I was a little bit
scared, honestly.

I was like, "Oh, my God,
am I going to feel

"secondhand embarrassment?

"Is this going to be
absolutely horrible?"

It wasn't.

Attacking me.

Lascelles,
you gonna come to L.A.

and train me and Trace?

He gonna train me, all right.

Get her, get her.

- Oh!
- Sorry.

I realize, like,
sexual temptation

is a big part of it or whatever,

but I'm not really here to,
like, take advantage

of an opportunity
to around.

- Yeah.
- I literally have done that...

I know.

My entire sexual life.

So, as I'm developing
this relationship with Karyna,

emotional and intellectual,

I'm also feeling
absolutely attracted to her.

Ugh, it's so frustrating.

And so, it's difficult because

seeing what I'm seeing
at the bonfires,

I'm tempted to retaliate,
you know?

But I've told myself
I will not react and retaliate,

but just act with intention.

You're naughty, naughty.

Douche, or what's it, Deac?

Okay, yeah, you... yeah.

But Deac is a test to, like, see

my feelings of jealousy

and then be able to pull back,

and then just say,

"Whatever, that's happening
for its own self,"

and not take it personally and...

If they make out,

will you get
back together with her?

It's hard to say.

I feel like you deserve
better than that.

I do.

Oh, shit.

Storms a-brewing.

I feel like
everything was super chaotic

after, like,
seeing that one clip, you know,

being told to off
by my boyfriend of three years.

Yeah, that's a lot.

Well, what about you?
How do you feel?

It's just weird.

I just emotionally don't know
where I'm at with this.

You do have a boyfriend,
or did have a boyfriend,

and then, like, jumping
right into something else.

I feel like Tommy and I
definitely have chemistry,

but he seems
a little less interested,

which is totally fine by me.

It's just,
if I'm going to go out there

and risk my relationship

and be interested
in somebody else,

I need that back in return.

I think for me,

it's scary to even go

as far as we have
if there's like,

no chance that, like,

anything will ever come of this.

I care for you and I don't
want to hurt you, you know?

You have to trust that
I can take care of myself.

- I know you can.
- You're not going to ruin me.

Maybe I'll shed a few tears.

But, like, I think
it's worth giving it a shot.

Okay, but at the end of this,

if it doesn't work out,
I don't want you to be like,

"He only used me
because he liked kissing me,

"he wanted
to be in my bed." And like,

that's not where I'm at!

- I know you know... ah!
- Tommy!

I know!

I hear you!
Like, I get it.

I'm starting to realize that

I'm not where
I need to be emotionally.

There is no pressure
and there's no...

"what's happening tomorrow?"
It's just,

if we enjoy spending time
with each other,

we enjoy spending time
with each other.

And that's how it is.

Just shut up.

Literally,
shut the up.

Okay.

Okay.

Go jump in the ocean.
You need to cool off.

Every time, you know,

we go on these dates
and everything,

I get to know
a little more about you.

We get more comfortable
with each other,

holding you in my arms,
you know?

That's just...
It's those little things

that just makes me happy.

I don't want to have
"What ifs."

Like,
"What if I didn't do that?"

or "What if
I didn't do this with Blake?"

And I feel like
you are supposed to be

in my life for a reason.

You do mean a lot to me, Ashley.

- Like...
- Thank you.

You mean a lot.

You're a very special person.

I do mean that.

I want to kiss you right now,

but I feel
it'd be a little soon.

- You can kiss me.
- Oh, you mean that?

Yeah.

Feels good.
Feels right.

Blushing on the inside.

Her lips are soft.

Now we're actually making

the physical connection.

I haven't felt like this

for a girl in a long time.

Kissing Blake feels magical.

It was a kiss that both of us
have been waiting for.

I felt like
I was holding back because

I thought about Lascelles
and what he would think,

but I'm over that

and I'm just tired of being sad.

I'm ready
to go after what I want.

- Hello, boys.
- Damn!

Are y'all ready to party?

Oh, hot damn!
Oh, shit.

Man, it's the lingerie party,

and the ladies
are looking mighty fine.

But what
I'm most freaking out about

is what I'm wearing
under my swim trunks.

Which is a straight up
banana hammock.

And...

you know?

Marissa looks just stunning.

I can't help but not take
my eyes off of Marissa.

Should I have taken those off?

All right, we need five people.

Cue the music.

My balls are out!

The ladies are on the prowl,

so look out.

I hope you guys are
at the other house,

because if you aren't,
you should.

Trace is up!

They're ours now... respectfully.

I ain't gonna lie,
it's very sexual in here.

A lot of hip rolling,
a little bit of thrusting,

and a lot of loving.

I unfortunately
danced on Hania's lap.

- I'm really sorry...
- Unfortunately? Excuse me?

I hope that everybody
really enjoyed that.

Hania definitely did.

I'm into it.
What can I say?

- Hey!
- Whoa!

This is, I think, the first time

that we do fully express

the physical connection
that we have with each other.

He wasn't just
giving me a lap dance,

he was giving me a lap dance

and looking into, like,

not just my eyes, but my soul.

I love that.

Ready, ready!

On your mark.

Absolute rager tonight.

- A banger.
- Banger of all bangers.

Let's go!

First party
with everybody together

where people
don't absolutely hate him.

- Yes.
- So, that should be fun.

Yeah, it should be fun.

Ow!
Hoo hoo!

Gillian came in
with the heat now!

I'm in lov...
Whoa! Not saying that!

- I'm in "like."
- With a possibility,

- You know?
- Of "extra like."

- Of a "super like."
- Of a "super like."

Iris, Iris, Iris!

I already took two.
I already took two.

I did!
I'm good, I'm good.

Fine, fine.

She had to jump
down for that, girl.

She's a baddie!
She's a baddie!

- She's a baddie.
- I love you all.

She's a baddie!

Iris is looking good.

She's looking like
a little snack.

Her boyfriend splits bills
at fast food restaurants.

What kind of
bullshit is that?

Oh, my God.

I'm really excited
that Deac is here

because I'm the only one here
not coupled up,

and I feel like Deac is someone

who I would love
to take on a date.

Oh, hey!

You and Tommy, like, whoa.

Anything's gonna happen tonight?

- Just probably some kissing.
- Okay.

Nothing more than that.

Like, you know how I feel.

I've told you a thousand times.

I can't tell you
a single time more.

I need to take a shower.

- Me too.
- All right, let's go.

I'm glad
that we finally got through

whatever weird stuff
was going on,

and now we're just, you know,

enjoying each other's company.

Kissing her is amazing
once I get out of my head,

and that's what
I'm trying to work on right now

is just be in the moment

and just enjoy
every little second

that I have here with Gillian
while I have it.

- Me?
- Yeah.

I definitely have
a really good connection

building with Paige.

She's hot and she's just

a bottle rocket ready to pop.

And the same thing with Meghan.

I got some shit to say.

I know you all seen
Edgar and Marissa.

I mean, obviously, like,

they're just so into each other.

I'm not going to
walk around here

looking like a fool.

So, she's dead.
I'm over it.

I'm not doing it.
'Cause would you?

- Nah, never.
- 'Kay. I'm not doing it.

- I'm not doing it.
- I'm with you, sis.

Can you put pants on?

I don't like
everybody seeing my shit.

Go put some shorts on.

When Hania's hair is wet...

he looks like Thor.

- Yeah.
- Who?

And Karyna, I bet you,
thinks the same thing.

'Sup?

Dude, are you trying to kiss me?

No, I'm just with you.

- Okay.
- Why?

Don't
with my emotions like that.

Really?

You know, it's difficult for me
to resist this temptation

because she's sort of miming
all this kissing stuff,

and I definitely am feeling like

I want to kiss her back.

I don't know, I mean,
I can't deny that...

I kind of want you to kiss me.

Okay.

Hearing Hania say
he wished that I kissed him,

it feels nice because

I like feeling that,
like, I'm wanted.

But he obviously
trusts me a lot.

So, like, breaking that,

I don't want him to,
like, resent me

or, like, it become
a different relationship.

So, maybe you should kiss me.

Mm...

Yeah, you know,

just gotta come clean
about that.

No one
has in this house.

No, nobody is.

Y'all getting
a little close now.

So?

- You're a lady.
- Yes.

And I will treat you as a queen.

I know.

This whole time,
up until the lingerie party,

I've just kind of
held back and, like,

you know, just been
very shy and not ready

to take things
to the next level.

But it.
Let's do this!

Like,
what am I holding back for?

Sleepover!

I don't have anymore doubts.

I don't think Marissa has any
doubts either at this point.

Our first kiss
is sexy.

- Marissa's passionate.
- And I loved it.

And there's nothing
to hold us back right now.

Last night Marissa
and I got really intimate,

and it all happened super fast,

and I don't think originally

either of us
were expecting to do that.

And I think we're both maybe
now on the same page

in terms of how strongly
we feel about each other.

I think me and Edgar,

we're in a really
good place right now.

So, yeah.
It's been going good.

I'm happy.

Livin' la vida loca, bitch.

How're you feeling?

- Fine.
- Just fine?

I feel like after I see
whatever I'm going to see,

probably will be
a little less fine.

Today is our video message.

I hope that Edgar's message

is not too painful or angry.

I hope that he can explain
some ways he's grown.

I don't know whether
he's going to be...

angry, like,
"How could you do this to me?"

Like, that sort of thing.

'Cause your video's
very nice and thoughtful.

I have no, like,
bad blood towards him.

I feel like
I would have been the same way.

Like, if he had sex
with a girl in the house,

let's say, I feel like
I would have been...

relatively forgiving.

- Really?
- I probably... I mean...

Yeah.

Like, I would have been hurt,

but like, I wouldn't hate him.

Okay.

So, we shall see.

Today's video message day

and I feel angry with her.

From the previous bonfires,

I just feel like
that hope was just taken

and just thrown
against the wall.

There really aren't any words
that she can tell me

to change the way
I feel right now.

She really let me down.

Hi, E.
I miss you.

I'm so grateful for our love

and all the wonderful ways
you've added to my life.

I can never thank you enough

for all the things
you've taught me.

I love who you are so much.

You deserve the world and more.

I can't wait to see

all the amazing things
you do next in life.

And I will be here
to support you

every step of the way
for the rest of our lives.

Love you.

I don't feel like Gillian
is being honest with me.

I just don't believe any of it.

And I hate the fact
that I feel this way.

Regardless
of our romantic relationship,

we were still friends,
and we were best friends,

and I don't know
how to feel about

anything that she says.

I love the woman, but...

it hurts.

And as much as it hurts

to see Gillian
and to think of her,

I am really strengthening
my connection with Marissa.

And...

I mean, I think
that just makes me feel

so much stronger
about the situation.

It makes me feel more
confident within myself.

I am not sure what to expect,

and I'm honestly really scared.

I think
if I were to hear from Edgar

how disappointed he is in me,

I would definitely
have a very hard time

proceeding with Tommy.

So, if Edgar's message
is hard on me,

I don't know if I'll be able

to follow my heart anymore.

Hey, G.

It's E.

I don't really have
a lot to say right now.

But, um...

thank you for bringing me
on this journey with you.

And I hope you find
what you're looking for.

After watching
the video that he sent me,

I definitely think Edgar
has a bit of anger still.

I could see that in his eyes.

I think Edgar's angry

that I'm entertaining things
with another person.

Because I think
if he had it his way,

we would still leave together.

I'm pretty nervous.

I'm not sure if Ash is going
to send me a message or not.

But I hope
it's coming from a lot of love,

and I'm just curious to see
what she has to say.

Hey, Lascelles,
I finally see the light.

I see the answers unfolding
right in front of my eyes.

I deserve so much better
than what I was given.

I met someone here that shows me

what it's like
to feel appreciated, loved,

and respected to the fullest.

I am no longer
bottling up my emotions

and hiding from the truth.

I love the woman
that I'm becoming.

And I'm so excited to share

the new and improved Ashley
to the world,

whether it's with you or not.

I'm feeling
a lot of things right now.

I'm a bit emotional
because I know that,

in Ash's eyes,
I've failed her in the past,

even though I know
I did everything I could.

But also, I feel happy

knowing that
she's building that confidence

and working on her independence,

and that's something
that resonates with me, truly.

I still want to develop
my relationship with Trace,

but it's a tough truth
to swallow

knowing that this could lead

to the end of our relationship.

Waking up and getting ready
to view this video message

feels like, "Oh, shit,
it's about to be real."

I really hope Lascelles tells me

that he's willing to change
for our relationship, but...

we will see.

Hey, Ashley.

Initially, we came here
to look for our independence

and our own identity.

Throughout this journey,
I begun to do just that.

I hope your journey
has been parallel to mine.

Here, I'm allowing myself
to rediscover

that I'm an actual
human being with value

outside of the obligations
I have as a partner.

I'm really looking forward
to seeing you

and having a conversation
about where we stand.

I love you dearly.

Hearing Lascelles
say "I love you"

definitely made me question,

"Did he really love me
this whole time?"

Like, what the
is wrong with him, honestly?

Like, if he did "love" me,

then the bonfire clips
wouldn't be exactly what I saw.

Getting a video message
means so much to me.

I haven't had a chance
to really hear

from Iris directly
besides bonfires,

but that's just me
being a fly on the wall.

And in this instance,
I'm able to really get a grasp

on how she's feeling
in her process

and what
she's looking for out of me.

Hi, Lukey.

I've experienced a lot of growth

during this journey,
and I hope you have too.

My main focus here has been
really learning to love myself

and I never took the time
to do that before,

which wasn't good for us.

I want to see more
accountability on your end

for constantly
breaking my trust.

You saying that
I always bring up the past

and don't let us
move forward with the future

makes me feel like
my feelings are not valid.

Imagine always forgiving someone

for constantly
breaking your trust

and not knowing
if they'll ever change.

The last time I caught you
was a few months ago,

which is recent.

Please think about that.

I hope you get
all the growth you need

out of this journey,
just like I will.

I love you.

I have broken
Iris's trust in the past,

and I've been
a crappy boyfriend,

so Iris has every right
to be upset

that I've texted
and flirted with other girls

behind her back.

But I'm at a place
where I no longer want to

act like that ever again.

I feel more inspired than ever

to keep feeling,
keep being emotional,

because I still have work to do

to be the man that she deserves.

I'm hoping that
Luke sends me a video message

where he's taking
some accountability.

If Luke doesn't realize
what he needs to work on,

then I just may have to
leave alone.

Hey, Iris, I miss you so much.

When I first got here,

I was worried about
making physical connections,

but I'm realizing
it's emotional connections

I need to work on,
and I'm doing that.

I see now I wasn't the best
partner in our relationship,

and I've learned now
who I want to be

in either this relationship
or the next.

I'm so excited of all
the progress I've been making,

and I hope you're growing
just as much as I am.

I love you so much
and I'll see you soon.

In the video that Luke sent me,

he said that
he misses me so much,

so that was good to hear.

He also said that he realizes

he hasn't been
the best partner to me.

It sounds like he's taking
some accountability.

I felt like maybe this
whole time he was blaming me.

And it appears that
he's realized that

he has things
to work on in relationships.

I just am not sure

if that'll be
with me or not quite yet.

It's gotten really,
really hard for me to care.

If I do receive a video message,

I would want to
feel realness, authenticity,

rawness, chaos, something.

Actual affection for me,

feelings like
he does actually miss me.

Got some anxiety with it.

Ash.

I have learned so much.

I trust you have, too.

I see you connecting
and I'm so proud of you.

I have come to realize
that as I pushed you

to follow your heart,
I ignored my own.

I didn't listen.

I was living in fear
instead of in love.

Know that I hear you, see you,

and I'm no longer afraid.

I know who I am and what I want.

I love you
and I can't wait to see you.

Hania has no idea
how to not make everything

some
theatrical piece of shit.

He delivered a monologue

from, like, a Shakespeare play.

I really don't feel
any emotion behind it.

Why does everything sound
so rehearsed when he speaks?

Like, I am seriously
beginning to doubt

he can be authentic and, like,

connect emotions with his brain.

I think the thing that hurts
the most about this clip

is no one has pushed me

to follow my dreams
my entire life.

"Pushed you
to follow your heart,

"I didn't follow mine."
Shut up.

You followed everything
you felt like

from your heart downtown
to a piece of ass.

I don't feel like
he's actually grown.

"I can't wait
to see you."

Like, what have you been
seeing of me that would...

I would be terrified
to meet me again.

And it's going to be really,

really hard
to not harbor this...

rage that I'm feeling
every single time he talks.

This whole time,
I've been dying to hear

what she has to say, and...

just remind me
that she loves me.

And to hear that
she has been learning.

I was really, really,
desperately hoping

to get a video message
from Ash today.

But I think that
I'm getting a message

despite there being no video.

I think my head right now
is all over the place.

This process has really shown me

just how much I do love her.

How much I did love her
and didn't know it.

I haven't felt this far away
from her as I do now.

And all I know is what I feel,
in my heart of hearts,

that I've never loved her more.

I'm absolutely terrified
that I have lost

the greatest love of my life.