Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003–2010): Season 5, Episode 1 - Lap of the Gods - full transcript
Lap of Gods: Abducted by the Ninja Tribunal and separated from Master Splinter, the Turtles and the human Acolytes are taken to Japan to begin their training. And they're going to need it, because the ancient evil is on its way.
Like the serpent
eating its own tail,
as one journey ends,
another begins.
But now, after centuries
of vigilance,
we of the Ninja Tribunal
see the journey's end
with no new beginning.
The end of all things
is coming.
And so
we prepare for battle.
The Tribunal
has chosen eight acolytes,
eight warriors
from around the globe,
each of different
disciplines and skills,
each who have shown
potential,
a spark which must now
be fanned into a flame.
A flame
to combat the heralds
now free to fulfill
their hideous mission:
the summoning of the one we
have feared all these years.
Eight acolytes.
If they fall before
the oncoming darkness,
so shall we all.
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Turtles, count it off!
1, 2, 3, 4!
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ Mutant chain reaction
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ Never let us down
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ Ninjitsu action
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ It's a shell of a town
Turtles, count it off!
- One!
- ♪ Leonardo's
always in control ♪
- Two!
- ♪ The wise guy
is Michelangelo ♪
- Three!
- ♪ Donatello, he's
the brains of the bunch ♪
- Four!
- ♪ Count on Raphael
to throw the first punch ♪
- ♪ I love bein'
- ♪ I love bein'
♪ I love bein' a turtle
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Turtles, count it off!
1, 2, 3, 4!
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ There's no one better
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ Watch out for Shredder
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ They're like no others
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ Those teenage brothers
- 1, 2, 3, 4!
- 1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
[ echoing ]
♪ Turtles, Turtles
What the shell have we
gotten ourselves into?
I've always wanted
to see Japan,
but this isn't exactly
what I had in mind.
Yeah, man,
I don't think this place
is in any tourist guides.
I don't know about you,
but this cruise
in a mystery
is getting real old,
real fast.
This stinks, Leo, big time.
Any movement from
the Tribunal, Tora?
Nothing, Kamai..
Then I say
we go down there
and make them move.
There's still
too much we don't know
about the Tribunal,
about this threat
they mentioned.
You got to be kidding me.
They kidnapped us.
They sicced their
wooden soldiers on us
and tried to make us
take each other out.
They're the threat,
and you still want
to wait and see?
Warriors, we have
apparently arrived.
This is it?
I was expecting something
a little more...cool.
Huh?
Oh, that's more like it.
- Acolytes!
- Huh?
You must disembark now.
The path ahead
is long and difficult
and your burdens are great.
Probably too great.
Burden? What are you--
Huh?
Oh.
What did they pack these
things with, bricks?
No, bro,
that's just your head.
Keep yapping, Mikey.
As soon as we get
to the top--
Jeez, are they always
this way to each other?
No, usually they're
a lot more annoying.
What do you think the
Tribunal's doing down there?
All is in its place.
The wheel turns once more.
Let the journey
finally begin.
[ rumbling ]
Whoa! Guys, look!
No way!
Dude, that's...that's...
Awesome.
[ rumbling ]
Nobody said there
was an express elevator.
Come on, that's not fair.
Turtle luck
running true to form.
I think I saw this place in
Better Holes and Nightmares.
Save it, Mikey.
You think they have
a pay phone in there?
Master Splinter
has to be worried.
He wouldn't be
the only one.
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
- Acolytes.
- Huh?
Behold.
- Aah!
- Aah!
The Lap of the Gods...
the Tribunal Monastery.
- Wow.
- Whoa.
Your new home.
Sit. Time is short.
An ancient evil imprisoned
for over a thousand years
threatens to return.
You eight have been chosen
to combat this threat.
Our enemy can wreak
untold destruction
through both physical
and mystical means.
You must be prepared to
combat it on all fronts.
Huh?
Whoa.
These are the amulets
of the Acolyte.
They will aid you
to focus and amplify
your inner power,
your chi.
Great. Now we get
dog collars.
Perception
is not always truth.
All you think you know
about this world,
about yourselves,
even about reality itself,
all of this
will be challenged.
Here in the Lap of the Gods,
you will learn secrets
not shared for millennia,
secrets known only by we
of the Ninja Tribunal.
I am Kon-Shisho.
Ninjitsu master of spirit.
This is Juto-Shisho.
Ninjitsu master of weapons.
Hyah!
Chikara-Shisho,
Ninjitsu master of strength.
And Hisomi-Shisho,
Ninjitsu master of stealth.
All things will be
explained in time.
As for training,
it begins now.
Huh?
[ high pitch hum ]
Uh-oh. Every time they do
that ninja patty-cake thing,
it means trouble.
On your guard.
Hey, guys,
it looks like...
Yes!
This doesn't look like
training to me.
This looks more like...
Studying!
Studying? Aw, man.
I don't suppose they have
a comic book section.
Wow. Leo,
this is incredible.
I know, but, um,
maybe you could translate
this bit here for me.
Hmm. It's all about
focus and energy,
but physically
manifesting it.
It's like expressing
your chi,
your own life energy
through sheer force of will.
Uh, Don?
All you have to do
is concentrate.
Huh?
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
[ snoring ]
The dark one is clever
and will strike when
he finds you distracted.
Hmm.
Without hesitation,
without remorse,
you must strike your enemy
and strike true or suffer.
- Aah!
- Aah!
Oh, do you tire?
The dark one never tires.
Ever!
[ groaning ]
We had hoped for more,
Acolytes.
Their efforts
are unimpressive.
Perhaps we were mistaken.
Perhaps they are hopeless.
Perhaps they are weak!
Do you not understand
what is at stake?
How could they possibly
understand what is at stake
when you have
told them nothing!
- Master Splinter!
- Master Splinter!
[ growls ]
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Protect Master Splinter!
Bring it on, blockheads.
I've been aching to
break something all day.
Enough!
The rodent
is not permitted here,
as it well knows.
How did you come to
find this monastery?
[ panting ]
[ nervous laugh ]
Pathetic.
Dude, your Sensei is a rat.
Splinter, let us
not make things harder
than they need be.
Your sons are safe.
We should rest
and discuss this
with a level head
in the evening.
There is no time
for discussion, young one.
The crisis we prepare for
is upon us now.
The five heralds
of the dark one are coming,
heralds
with only one purpose:
to reawaken
their evil master.
They are after
three artifacts,
ancient relics
that will allow them
to complete the ritual
of resurrection.
Two of the artifacts
were stolen from us
and are already
in the possession
of their vile servants.
If the Mystics
complete the ritual,
a terrible evil will be
unleashed upon the world.
This cannot be allowed.
You mentioned
a third artifact.
Where is it?
The third artifact
is hidden safely here
in the Lap of the Gods.
Then the Tribunal
can continue to guard it
without my sons.
Do not test us, rodent.
Babysit your sons
if you must.
It changes nothing.
[ rumbling ]
Huh?
What the shell is that?
No! Impossible!
How could they
have moved so quickly?
The monastery
is under attack.
Acolytes,
to the inner chambers.
We will deal with
the intruders ourselves.
They got the Tribunal!
It's just us now.
Yeah, just us against what?
[ laughs ]
Fools. They foretold
the return of the Master,
and now they think
they can stop it.
The Master
cannot be stopped.
All who would stand
in his way will perish!
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Master Splinter,
what is that thing?
Hiashi Arki,
a fire demon.
Master Splinter!
[ laughs ]
Turtles, attack!
Hyah!
Oh!
Oh!
Tora's down, too.
Mikey, try to free
the Tribunal!
I'm on it, Leo!
Whoa!
Uh!
Aah!
[ rumbling ]
Mikey!
Joi!
If I concentrate,
maybe I can...
Huh? [ laughs ]
Did you see that?
It worked!
Leo, we have to--
No!
[ laughs ]
We are all that remain.
If we should fall...
Then we make sure as shell
this thing falls with us.
Hyah!
[ laughs ]
And so it ends before
it has even begun.
Poor mortals.
To think they could stand
against the Master's power.
Raph? Raph?
[ groans ]
I'm sorry.
We come all this way
and this is how it ends?
We weren't ready.
How could we be?
How could we fight this?
Aah!
Leo.
What happened?
We ain't sliced,
diced or fricasseed.
What the shell?
Perception
is not always truth.
All you think you know
about this world,
about yourselves,
even about reality itself...
All that will be
challenged and more.
The sooner you learn this,
the sooner you will be ready
to face the task ahead.
So let me
get this straight.
None of that was real?
Brilliant deduction,
Sherlock
Shell-for-brains.
Oh, it was real all right.
Our first real lesson
with the Tribunal,
and I have a feeling
there's a lot more to learn.
eating its own tail,
as one journey ends,
another begins.
But now, after centuries
of vigilance,
we of the Ninja Tribunal
see the journey's end
with no new beginning.
The end of all things
is coming.
And so
we prepare for battle.
The Tribunal
has chosen eight acolytes,
eight warriors
from around the globe,
each of different
disciplines and skills,
each who have shown
potential,
a spark which must now
be fanned into a flame.
A flame
to combat the heralds
now free to fulfill
their hideous mission:
the summoning of the one we
have feared all these years.
Eight acolytes.
If they fall before
the oncoming darkness,
so shall we all.
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Turtles, count it off!
1, 2, 3, 4!
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ Mutant chain reaction
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ Never let us down
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ Ninjitsu action
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ It's a shell of a town
Turtles, count it off!
- One!
- ♪ Leonardo's
always in control ♪
- Two!
- ♪ The wise guy
is Michelangelo ♪
- Three!
- ♪ Donatello, he's
the brains of the bunch ♪
- Four!
- ♪ Count on Raphael
to throw the first punch ♪
- ♪ I love bein'
- ♪ I love bein'
♪ I love bein' a turtle
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Turtles, count it off!
1, 2, 3, 4!
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ There's no one better
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ Watch out for Shredder
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ They're like no others
- ♪ Turtles!
- ♪ Those teenage brothers
- 1, 2, 3, 4!
- 1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
[ echoing ]
♪ Turtles, Turtles
What the shell have we
gotten ourselves into?
I've always wanted
to see Japan,
but this isn't exactly
what I had in mind.
Yeah, man,
I don't think this place
is in any tourist guides.
I don't know about you,
but this cruise
in a mystery
is getting real old,
real fast.
This stinks, Leo, big time.
Any movement from
the Tribunal, Tora?
Nothing, Kamai..
Then I say
we go down there
and make them move.
There's still
too much we don't know
about the Tribunal,
about this threat
they mentioned.
You got to be kidding me.
They kidnapped us.
They sicced their
wooden soldiers on us
and tried to make us
take each other out.
They're the threat,
and you still want
to wait and see?
Warriors, we have
apparently arrived.
This is it?
I was expecting something
a little more...cool.
Huh?
Oh, that's more like it.
- Acolytes!
- Huh?
You must disembark now.
The path ahead
is long and difficult
and your burdens are great.
Probably too great.
Burden? What are you--
Huh?
Oh.
What did they pack these
things with, bricks?
No, bro,
that's just your head.
Keep yapping, Mikey.
As soon as we get
to the top--
Jeez, are they always
this way to each other?
No, usually they're
a lot more annoying.
What do you think the
Tribunal's doing down there?
All is in its place.
The wheel turns once more.
Let the journey
finally begin.
[ rumbling ]
Whoa! Guys, look!
No way!
Dude, that's...that's...
Awesome.
[ rumbling ]
Nobody said there
was an express elevator.
Come on, that's not fair.
Turtle luck
running true to form.
I think I saw this place in
Better Holes and Nightmares.
Save it, Mikey.
You think they have
a pay phone in there?
Master Splinter
has to be worried.
He wouldn't be
the only one.
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
- Acolytes.
- Huh?
Behold.
- Aah!
- Aah!
The Lap of the Gods...
the Tribunal Monastery.
- Wow.
- Whoa.
Your new home.
Sit. Time is short.
An ancient evil imprisoned
for over a thousand years
threatens to return.
You eight have been chosen
to combat this threat.
Our enemy can wreak
untold destruction
through both physical
and mystical means.
You must be prepared to
combat it on all fronts.
Huh?
Whoa.
These are the amulets
of the Acolyte.
They will aid you
to focus and amplify
your inner power,
your chi.
Great. Now we get
dog collars.
Perception
is not always truth.
All you think you know
about this world,
about yourselves,
even about reality itself,
all of this
will be challenged.
Here in the Lap of the Gods,
you will learn secrets
not shared for millennia,
secrets known only by we
of the Ninja Tribunal.
I am Kon-Shisho.
Ninjitsu master of spirit.
This is Juto-Shisho.
Ninjitsu master of weapons.
Hyah!
Chikara-Shisho,
Ninjitsu master of strength.
And Hisomi-Shisho,
Ninjitsu master of stealth.
All things will be
explained in time.
As for training,
it begins now.
Huh?
[ high pitch hum ]
Uh-oh. Every time they do
that ninja patty-cake thing,
it means trouble.
On your guard.
Hey, guys,
it looks like...
Yes!
This doesn't look like
training to me.
This looks more like...
Studying!
Studying? Aw, man.
I don't suppose they have
a comic book section.
Wow. Leo,
this is incredible.
I know, but, um,
maybe you could translate
this bit here for me.
Hmm. It's all about
focus and energy,
but physically
manifesting it.
It's like expressing
your chi,
your own life energy
through sheer force of will.
Uh, Don?
All you have to do
is concentrate.
Huh?
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
[ snoring ]
The dark one is clever
and will strike when
he finds you distracted.
Hmm.
Without hesitation,
without remorse,
you must strike your enemy
and strike true or suffer.
- Aah!
- Aah!
Oh, do you tire?
The dark one never tires.
Ever!
[ groaning ]
We had hoped for more,
Acolytes.
Their efforts
are unimpressive.
Perhaps we were mistaken.
Perhaps they are hopeless.
Perhaps they are weak!
Do you not understand
what is at stake?
How could they possibly
understand what is at stake
when you have
told them nothing!
- Master Splinter!
- Master Splinter!
[ growls ]
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Protect Master Splinter!
Bring it on, blockheads.
I've been aching to
break something all day.
Enough!
The rodent
is not permitted here,
as it well knows.
How did you come to
find this monastery?
[ panting ]
[ nervous laugh ]
Pathetic.
Dude, your Sensei is a rat.
Splinter, let us
not make things harder
than they need be.
Your sons are safe.
We should rest
and discuss this
with a level head
in the evening.
There is no time
for discussion, young one.
The crisis we prepare for
is upon us now.
The five heralds
of the dark one are coming,
heralds
with only one purpose:
to reawaken
their evil master.
They are after
three artifacts,
ancient relics
that will allow them
to complete the ritual
of resurrection.
Two of the artifacts
were stolen from us
and are already
in the possession
of their vile servants.
If the Mystics
complete the ritual,
a terrible evil will be
unleashed upon the world.
This cannot be allowed.
You mentioned
a third artifact.
Where is it?
The third artifact
is hidden safely here
in the Lap of the Gods.
Then the Tribunal
can continue to guard it
without my sons.
Do not test us, rodent.
Babysit your sons
if you must.
It changes nothing.
[ rumbling ]
Huh?
What the shell is that?
No! Impossible!
How could they
have moved so quickly?
The monastery
is under attack.
Acolytes,
to the inner chambers.
We will deal with
the intruders ourselves.
They got the Tribunal!
It's just us now.
Yeah, just us against what?
[ laughs ]
Fools. They foretold
the return of the Master,
and now they think
they can stop it.
The Master
cannot be stopped.
All who would stand
in his way will perish!
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1, 2, 3, 4!
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Master Splinter,
what is that thing?
Hiashi Arki,
a fire demon.
Master Splinter!
[ laughs ]
Turtles, attack!
Hyah!
Oh!
Oh!
Tora's down, too.
Mikey, try to free
the Tribunal!
I'm on it, Leo!
Whoa!
Uh!
Aah!
[ rumbling ]
Mikey!
Joi!
If I concentrate,
maybe I can...
Huh? [ laughs ]
Did you see that?
It worked!
Leo, we have to--
No!
[ laughs ]
We are all that remain.
If we should fall...
Then we make sure as shell
this thing falls with us.
Hyah!
[ laughs ]
And so it ends before
it has even begun.
Poor mortals.
To think they could stand
against the Master's power.
Raph? Raph?
[ groans ]
I'm sorry.
We come all this way
and this is how it ends?
We weren't ready.
How could we be?
How could we fight this?
Aah!
Leo.
What happened?
We ain't sliced,
diced or fricasseed.
What the shell?
Perception
is not always truth.
All you think you know
about this world,
about yourselves,
even about reality itself...
All that will be
challenged and more.
The sooner you learn this,
the sooner you will be ready
to face the task ahead.
So let me
get this straight.
None of that was real?
Brilliant deduction,
Sherlock
Shell-for-brains.
Oh, it was real all right.
Our first real lesson
with the Tribunal,
and I have a feeling
there's a lot more to learn.