Teen Titans Go! (2013–…): Season 7, Episode 1 - Pig in a Poke - full transcript

♪ Go!

♪ T-E-E-N

♪ T-I-T-A-N-S

♪ Teen Titans, let's go

♪ Teen Titans, go

Friends, I have
the most wonderful of news.

I am going to become the rich.

No way, mama!

- What happened?
- Did you win the Lotto?

Or a check from a rich uncle
or something?

No. A foreign prince
e-mailed me an offer



to share his vast fortune

in exchange for the nominal fee.

Oh, you got
one of those e-mails?

You should just delete it, Star.

I don't think doing business
with a foreign prince

is a good idea.

But it is the too late.

I have already sent him
the money.

You what?

How much money
is we talking about?

My entire life savings.

You sent your entire
life savings to a stranger?

On the Internet?

He is not a stranger.



He is the prince.

And together
we shall use our money

to open a store called

Starfire's Scoops.

So... you and this prince
are going to sell ice cream?

No, that would be the boring.

Our store will sell only
of the ice cream scoops

and there
my gallant prince and I

shall live the happily
ever the after.

Well, I hate to burst
your bubble, Star,

but I don't think
you're dealing
with a Prince Charming.

You's dealing
with a scam artist, girl.

I do not understand.

What is the scam artist?

A scam artist is a person
who intentionally deceives you

into giving them an unfair gain.

You see, the true purpose
of that e-mail

was to trick you
into giving your money

to someone who has no intention
of ever paying you back.

So I shall not
be opening the store?

I'm afraid not.

You just lost
all your money, girl.

I cannot believe
I was so easily deceived.

Oh, when I find out
who did this,

I shall make them regret
they were ever the born!

Then pull up that e-mail

and maybe we can help you
figure it out.

This e-mail says

it's from a Prince J. Reko
at AC.

J. Reko?

Hmm. That's it!

What's it, bro?

This e-mail was sent
by a prince, all right.

The clown prince of crime.

The Joker!

Yes, and AC must stand
for Axis Chemicals.

So it was that dirty clown
who stole Starfire's money.

We must get it back from him.

How's we gonna do that?

The Joker be the greatest
scam artist of all times.

Which is why
we're going to become

even greater scam artists,

so we can beat him
at his own game.

But, friends,
I do not know the first thing

about becoming
the artist of the scams.

That's okay. We'll teach you.

Yeah, we knows how to act
all shady and whatnots.

Now, let's hit up Axis Chemicals

and pay the Joker
a little visit.

To the T-car!

No, no.

Scam artists use only

a cheap convertible.

Whoa. Check this place out.

It's built like a fortress,

and it appears the gate
requires the password.

Not a problem.

We can get that password
by using a phishing scam.

Joy! How I love the fishing.

No, mama.

This scam ain't got
nothing to do with no fishes.

It's a trick scam artists use

to obtain sensitive information,

by disguising themselves
as a trustworthy entity.

Which is why's
we's gonna get that password

by impersonating the Joker.

And wait till
they get a load of me.

Nice Nicholson, yo.

Security. What do you want?

My face on the $1 bill.

Yo, yo, let me try
my Heath Ledger.

Who is this?

Who am I?

I'm an agent of chaos.

Whoa. It's you, Joker.

I'm so sorry I questioned you.

Relax.

Why so serious?

Well, I just don't want you
to fire me.

Oh, my, I'm not gonna fire ya.

I'm just gonna hurt ya.

Really, really bad.

Wait a second.

This isn't the Joker.

What do you think
you're doing, bro?

Duh, Jared Leto.

Jared Leto?

You can't just put on some
tattoos and some fake teeth

and make me think that you
some kind of crazy person.

The no one is buying it.

Your impression
is horrible, Robin.

I'm sending down some men.

Great. Now I's got
to convince these fools

I's the Joker by doing
my best Mark Hamill.

Listen, you numbskull.
This is the Joker.

And if you don't give me
the password

to this gate right now,

I'm going to hunt you down
and feed you to my hyenas!

Understood, sir.

The password is
jinglebellsbatmansmells1939.

It worked!

See, mama, easy peasy.

Ah! Oh, mans, more security!

I know how we can get
past those guards.

We can use the old
pig in a poke scam.

The scam involves the poking?

No, Star. It involves cats.

The kitties!

I knew you'd be excited.

Now watch and learn.

Salutation, gentlemen.

Would either of you
care for a Coney,

a Red Hot, a Bow Wow,
if you will?

I'm offering you a link,
a wienerwurst,
a frank-n-furter.

Look, you want a hot dog or not?

Splendid.

Then I shall bag some up for you

faster than you can say,
"Herbert Hoover
was a charlatan."

Here you are, my good men.

Nice work, friend Raven.

Now, let's get a move on.

It should be
clear sailing from here.

You were saying, dude?

How are we going to get past
all of these henchmen?

By using
the biggest scam of all,

a financial planning seminar.

Hey there, folks.

Are you tired of working
the same old job?

Do you wish you could be
your own boss?

Well, guess what? You can.

Hi. My name is Robin

and I went from working
in the circus to being

the rich, super hunk
you see before you.

How did I do it, you ask?

Well, it didn't
happen overnight.

It took me years to develop
my specialized program

that can help you
achieve your dreams

of financial success.

Don't believe me?

Here's what some of my
celebrity clients had to say.

When it comes
to financial advice,

Robin is a Superman.

His program works.

I'm Batman.

Robin is truly
a financial wonder.

Plus, he's so dreamy
and super cool.

So what are you waiting for?

Take control of your future

and sign up
for my program today.

But I'll warn you.
Space is limited.

Limited? Get out of my way.

Hello, Joker.

Robin, so good
to see you, my boy.

It is?

Of course!

If you're here,

my old pal Batman
must be close by.

Where is that
crazy old bat brain?

This has nothing
to do with Batman.

I'm here on official
Teen Titans business.

You must be joking.

Do you have any idea
how busy I am?

Listen, we know
you scammed Starfire

by promising her that
you'd open a store together.

Guilty as charged.

So, give me back my money

and we shall
get out of your hair.

I'm afraid I can't do that.

I already spent that money
on this facility.

Why would you buy this dump?

Well, I hate to ruin
a good punch line,

but I'm using this place
to fill a giant whoopee cushion

full of my patented Joker toxin,

and when it goes off,
it will be quite the gas.

We need to scam the Joker

out of succeeding with his plan.

Titans, go!

I see terrible things
in your future

if you don't stop
your evil ways.

Nice try.

Hey, brah, I think
you dropped your wallet.

No, it's right here.

Uncle, it's me.
Your long lost nephew.

Please don't destroy the world.

Okay. I won't.
Now put her there.

No one can out-scam the Joker.

Then we've got no choice.

Titans, retreat!

The ow. Oh, the ow!

My body is riddled with
the aches and the pains.

Nice going, Joker.
This is all your fault.

My fault?
It was clearly an accident.

Yes, an accident caused

by the terrible upkeep
of this facility.

Just look at this place, man.

Dim lights, wet floors,
rusted guard rails.

This plant is a liability.

Sorry, I just bought it.

I haven't had time
to bring it up to code.

Well, it is too late
for the apologies.

You shall be hearing
from my lawyer.

Your lawyer?

I can't deal with
a lawsuit right now.

And it's going to mess up
all of my evil schemes.

Please reconsider.

I'll do anything
to make this up to you.

- The anything?
- Yes, I swear.

Very well, I would like
all of my money back.

Here, take it.

And for my pain
and the suffering,

I would like
the deed to this facility.

Forget it, I'm not going
to just hand this place over.

Very well.

Robin, what is the number
for our lawyer?

Wait, wait.

You drive such a hard bargain.

Here.

Now, we're all good, right?

Not the quite.

Tell your henchmen that
they now work for the me.

My men? What's next?

The clothes off my back?

Yes, I shall be taking
those as well.

There. Happy?

Indeed!

Hold the bat phone.

So you were just faking
your injuries the whole time?

That is correct.

I can't believe I got scammed.

Hey, kids.

We're the Teen Titans
with an important message.

We've all had a lot of fun today

pulling off scams.

But in reality,
scams cost consumers

and businesses like this

billions of dollars each year.

Therefore,
if you encounter a scam,

please tell a parent
or guardian.

You don't wants
to get fooled, yo.

Stay vigilant, kids.

Now get to work,

oh, gallant prince of mine.