Taxi (1978–1983): Season 3, Episode 6 - The Ten Percent Solution - full transcript
With Bobby's acting career going nowhere he takes Tony Banta under his wing and acts as his agent.
( theme music playing )
Louie!
Yeah.
Cockroach
at 10:00.
Oh, my God!
That's the biggest
cockroach I've ever seen!
That's a man-eater.
I'm going up after it.
Careful, Louie.
Give me something,
give me something.
Here.
( hollers )
Did you see that?
I hit him dead center
with everything I had,
and he just smiled at me.
Here he comes!
( crashing )
Well...
he's gone now.
Yeah... he's gone.
But he'll be back.
Jim, I-I'm expecting
an important call.
Just a short call,
please, okay?
Okeydoke.
Thank-thanks a lot.
Who am I calling?
You mean, you weren't going
to use the phone?
No, I-I was going
to the bathroom.
Oh.
But I'll make
that short, too.
Tony, what's with Bobby
with the phone?
Oh, today he finds out
whether he got that movie part
he's been trying for.
It's between me and another guy.
I wish they'd call already.
The suspense is killing me.
Oh, Bob, Bob, come on.
It's not the last job
you're going to lose.
I mean, uh,
no, I mean, uh...
Hey, what kind of
attitude is that?
I mean, come on.
Let's assume Bobby's
going to get the job
and approach it with
a positive attitude,
you know.
Sorry, Bob. Yeah.
Let him hear the
negative things
after he loses it.
Oh, no, no, sorry.
That's okay,
Elaine.
I still think I have
a damn good chance
of getting this.
Well, good.
That's the way
to think, Bobby.
LATKA:
Ifnosh cafe?
Latka, Latka,
I'm waiting
for an important call.
Uh, this is important, too.
I am ordering my lunch.
You see, there
is a restaurant just open up,
and they serve food
from my country.
Yeah, but-but it's...
all right.
Hello?
Yes.
Oh, yes, hello.
Yes.
Hello.
Thank you, and you, too.
I know.
I would like to order
some food, please.
Okay.
First, I would like to order
a tossed gravlitee.
I would like to... okay...
and a fried yufnish
in the basket.
And a... a...
profnika
with everything.
Yes.
Yes, and two large...
Latka, is there any way
you could do this faster?
Oh, sure.
Just give me the number seven.
Thanks.
( phone rings )
Hi.
Yeah, this is he.
Yeah, I-I-I understand.
Um...
Yeah, thanks for calling.
( sighs )
Well, come on already.
The suspense
is killing me.
You get it or not?
Banta, sometimes
I wish you were smarter
just so you'd know
how dumb you are.
The other guy beat me out.
You know,
I've lost jobs before,
but what kills me
about this one,
is the guy I lost it to
has almost no experience,
and he's not very good.
The only reason he got this job
is because of his looks.
Oh, come on, Bobby.
You're great-looking.
No, you see,
they didn't cast him
because
he's better looking than me.
They cast him
because he has the right look.
You see, casting,
it goes in cycles.
Common looks are in now.
It's a handicap
to be classically handsome.
Don't I know it?
You see... you see
the type they want now
is long on street looks,
short on brains.
Somebody engaging,
with a boyish smile,
animal magnetism
and a dumb but
earnest face.
Somebody like...
Go ahead
and say it, Bobby.
Somebody like Tony.
All right!
Hear that?
Hey, thanks a lot.
Oh, oh, oh,
oh, this is it.
I'm done.
I'm through.
I don't want to be
an actor anymore.
My career is dead.
Thank God--
it suffered long enough.
( knocking on door )
Bobby?
Dropped by to see
how you're doing.
How you doing?
Okay, for a guy
whose career is over.
Ah, that's good.
I thought you'd still
be depressed or something.
I brought beer and Fudgesicles.
Look, uh, Tony,
I-I don't feel much
like talking now,
you know?
Well, uh, how do you
feel about answering?
I could make up a question,
you could answer it.
Okay,
um, I was wondering,
Bobby,
could you tell me
how to be an actor?
Are you kidding?
You said I was
what they were looking for.
Tony, do you have any idea
what acting is like?
Hey, Bobby,
when I was in grade school,
I had a part in the play
Rip Van Winkle.
I know I shouldn't ask this.
What part did you play?
I was the guy that woke him up.
( groans )
Hey, Bobby, you think it's easy
waking a guy up
after he's slept 40 years?
Tony, you got Fudgesicle
all over your face.
Listen, how do you get
an acting job, Bobby?
Well, you're asking
the wrong guy.
But, uh, you get an agent
who introduces you
to casting directors
who introduces you to producers
who hire you.
Well, that's
sounds okay.
Let's do it
like that.
Tony, it's not that easy.
Come on, you have no experience.
Wake up.
Rip, wake up, Rip.
Wake up, Rip.
Almost no experience.
You told me
the guy who beat you out
yesterday for that movie part
had almost no experience.
And he wasn't even that good,
but he looked right.
So, if I look right,
why can't I
get parts, too, Bob?
I don't...
Hey, maybe you could.
What the hell.
I'll call my agent.
The worst he can do
is laugh, right?
Uh, Bobby, I don't think
I want your agent.
And why not?
I mean, he hasn't exactly
made you a star, you know.
Tony, Tony, what is
it that you want?
Bobby, I want you
to be my agent.
You're my friend,
you'd look out for me.
Tony, Tony,
that's crazy.
Why?
You got extra time now,
especially if you're
not gonna act anymore.
( sighs )
Tony, you don't know
what you're saying.
Bobby, Bobby, listen.
I saw that movie
The Raging Bull, right?
Yeah.
And I read someplace
where a lot of the guys
in that movie
weren't real actors.
Some of them were fighters
just like me.
Bobby, Bobby,
listen, man.
I'm serious about this.
Bobby, I know
this sounds crazy,
but all my life,
I felt I was gonna be
something special.
I thought I was
gonna be famous.
I know that sounds crazy,
but that's the way I felt.
I always thought
all this time
I was gonna be
famous as a boxer,
but when you said
"actor," it hit me.
That's where I belong.
You do have
the right face for it.
That's what I think, too.
A girl I once dated
said I was an Italian
Sylvester Stallone.
Yeah, I think the world
is waiting for one of those.
And Bobby,
when I make it,
you're in all
my movies.
Oh, hey, what the hell?
You know,
you may be a natural.
You know,
sometimes that happens.
You may have more talent
than either one of us realizes.
That means
you'll do it?
Yeah.
All right.
( laughs )
I can't believe this.
I am going to manage you.
What do we do?
What do we do?
Okay, now, hey,
we got a lot of work to do.
Now first of all,
I want you
to take these plays home.
Here, here, here.
And I want you to read them,
I want you to study them,
I want you
to get familiar with them.
And then tomorrow, we
start working together.
All right, Bob.
Now, listen, we're
gonna do this right,
right, Tony?
Okay.
Hey, Bobby, this is gonna be
a great partnership.
You bet it is.
Hey, Bobby,
this is one of my favorites--
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
I seen the Disney version.
You're still looking
for that stupid bug,
aren't you?
Stupid bug?
Nardo, I'll have you know
that cockroaches were around
before dinosaurs.
You think they stayed around
that long by being dumb?
If he could see
over a dashboard,
I'd have this one driving a cab.
I've never seen you
so nervous before.
I'm not nervous.
I'm just a little curious.
And I'm trying to do my part
for the hygiene...
What's that?!
( hollers )
I couldn't resist.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Nardo, when I catch this one,
I'm gonna fix you up with it.
Hey, guys,
want to see some pictures
I had taken for auditions?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Three poses for 50 cents.
And what's this
one for?
The one where
you're like this?
That's to show
I can do comedy.
Bobby, look at these
pictures I had taken.
I figure we can show 'em
to casting people.
Show business is tough.
Look, Tony,
don't worry
about that kind
of stuff, huh.
I've taken care of it.
I've been all over town
the last couple of days.
Every casting director
in this city
has your picture
on his desk.
Isn't he great?
And he's doing it
for only ten percent
of my earnings.
Look, uh, I want you
to read a scene for me.
It's a scene from Long
Day's Journey Into Night.
Now you're the youngest son,
and you're trying to
explain to your father
that you've never felt
at home anywhere.
Okay.
Go ahead, stand up.
( clears throat )
( stiffly ):
It was a great mistake,
my being born a man.
I would have been
much more successful
as a seagull or a fish.
Okay, hold it, Tony.
I want to give you
some direction.
I want you to listen to me.
I want you to start over again,
and I want you to think
about what you're saying.
I want you to feel the words,
feel the emotion.
Trust everything.
Leave that pain
open, okay?
Now-now go with it.
Now just...
Take a moment.
Take a moment,
and breathe.
( stiffly ):
It was a great mistake
my being born a man.
I would have been
much more successful
as a seagull or a fish.
LATKA:
Excuse me. Excuse me.
I want to ask
you something.
I could not help overhearing.
Uh, I-I would like you...
could you to be my agent, too?
One time this Italian,
uh, movie company
come to my village
to film a movie
called Here Come the Huns.
Uh, do you want to
see my performance?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Tony...
Now in this scene,
the-the terrible people,
terrible men, the Huns,
have gone burned
everything to the ground.
And all the women and children,
their bodies are lying around.
The crops are ruined.
Everything
I have ever known is...
...destroyed.
And so I am standing there,
looking at, at all of this...
and it goes a little
something like this.
Wait.
( clucking tongue )
He's good.
( phone rings )
BOBBY:
I'll get it.
Hello,
Robert Wheeler Management.
Yes, this is he.
Uh, my secretary stepped...
Yeah, I represent
Tony Banta.
Just let me check
those dates.
Well, I see that we're
presently negotiating
for a part in the new
Jane Fonda film,
which could tie him up
during that period.
Yeah, it is.
It's pretty well set,
but we're not locked in yet.
I tell you what, you
give him an audition time
and I can always work out
something with Jane.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
What was that?
What was that?
11... 2:30, okay.
All right, he will be there.
All right, yeah,
and thanks for calling.
( shrieking with glee )
I heard.
This is so exciting.
I can't believe it,
your first audition.
Audition?
Hey, I want to hear
about the Fonda film.
Arthur Kramer
and Jerry Lowe,
this is Tony Banta
and Mr. Banta's
manager, Mr. Wheeler,
who'll be reading
with him.
How do you do?
Sit down.
Nice to see you.
So, uh, Tony,
you want to tell us something
about yourself before we start?
No, but thanks for asking.
Okay.
Well, uh, why don't we just
start the reading then?
Tony, the role you're playing
is self-explanatory.
You're a young New Yorker
of Italian descent--
eager, innocent
and a little slow.
I'll give it a shot.
You two can start
when you're ready.
Okay, Tony,
I'm gonna start, all right?
Okay.
Okay, now, I play the part
of the father; remember that.
Okay.
All right, uh,
here, you stand over here
so they can see
your face better.
All right, you ready?
Yeah, I'm ready.
I'm ready.
"I understand
if you hate me.
"I can't blame you
for that,
even if it hurts me
more than I've ever
been hurt."
( stiffly ):
"Yeah, okay."
But at least
try to understand.
You don't know what
it was like for me
all those years--
living a lie, pretending I was
somebody that I wasn't,
trying to drown that pain
with booze and drugs.
Hey, listen.
No, let me go on.
This isn't easy for me,
but you have to know.
I did my best.
Those years,
they were hell for me.
Sometimes I thought
I would go crazy.
Finally, there was
nothing I could do
but just run
away from it,
and I'm ashamed
of that now.
But it was either that
or taking my life
with my own hands.
Son... I'm so glad
we can talk like this
after all
these years.
"Me, too."
Thank you. Thank you.
I think we've heard enough.
Oh, yeah. Uh,
come on, Tony.
Yeah.
Can you start
tomorrow?
Him?
You bet!
Are you saying you want...
him for the role?
Yeah, that's what
we're saying.
We want him
to start tomorrow
in Long Island for
some location shooting.
You, you're going
to hire him
after that reading?
Well, it's a small part.
You know,
we'll get a dialogue coach
to help him out
a little bit with the lines.
He'll be fine.
Oh, uh, because
he looks right.
Yeah.
Well, I think
that's just dandy.
I mean, that's
just wonderful.
You're going to cast him
for his face
because of the way
he looks.
After the reading
that he just gave
you still want him.
I think that's
just terrific.
You hire him, please,
please hire him.
I mean, go ahead,
go ahead
and hire him.
Hey, why don't you
hire him and give him
the lead, you know.
Hey, hurry up. Sign him to
a long-term contract.
Quick, before somebody
comes up and grabs him away.
Come on! You know, you got a
whole roomful of them out there.
Hire them all.
Just think,
a whole picture of his face.
Come on!
Hey, any of you guys
want a job?
Does he work
for his ten percent or what?
Bobby, you here?
Hey, Tony, look, I'm really
sorry what happened yesterday.
Something just snapped
and I went crazy.
That's okay.
So, uh, how did
your first day
go as an actor?
Well, it had its ups and downs.
I went to Long Island.
Had some good coffee.
People treated me real nice.
I watched George C. Scott
eat a jelly doughnut.
Then they fired me.
They fired you?
Yeah, the director
didn't want me.
He said I wasn't right
for the role-- or any role.
He used words like
"wrong interpretation"
and "artistic differences,"
"over my dead body..."
Tony, listen, I'm really sorry.
It's okay.
No, I know it meant
a lot to you.
And if anybody knows how
you're feeling right now...
Hey, Bobby, I'm sorry
I let you down.
Tony, I got a confession
to make.
As bad as you feel now
and as bad as I feel for you,
I'm glad you
got fired.
Something better
came through.
Well, no.
The Jane Fonda movie.
The director...
he was right.
How do you know?
You weren't even there, Bobby.
I didn't have to be
there, he was right.
And thank God
for that director.
Thank God, somebody
finally stood up
and fought
for quality.
Hey, Bobby, I know
you're the manager
and I don't want
to tell you your job,
but isn't it about now
you start building confidence?
Tony, don't you understand?
There are people who sacrifice
food and clothing
for acting lessons...
who freeze in the winter
and are one step from hell
in the summer...
living in poverty just
so they can be in New York
and step out onto a dark stage
and give the best
damn performance
of their lives, just to hear,
"thank you very much,
next please" again
and again and again.
Those people are actors, Tony.
And they do what they do,
because they love acting.
See, when that director
fired you today,
it was like he was saying
to all those people "I care!"
Do you know
what that means, Tony?
It means that there
are powerful people out there
who still care about
professionalism.
It means that acting
and everything
the theater represents...
is still alive.
Just 'cause
I got canned.
Wow.
Tony, I'm gonna tell
every actor I know
what happened today.
You're going to be
an inspiration
for them to go on.
How does that
make you feel?
It makes me feel great.
But I got to tell you something,
I hope they don't expect me
to bail them out
every time.
( loudly ):
Well, good night, everybody.
Good night.
Everybody out of the garage.
All right.
( stomping )
( mutters quietly )
( whispering ):
Ignore me, ignore me.
Yeah, I would,
but what the hell are you doing?
Roach.
I put hamburger meat
on the end of this.
When he nibbles--
yank his head off.
Louie, Louie,
aren't you getting
a little obsessed
with this roach?
I mean, how big
can the roach
possibly be?
Rieger, this is not
just a roach.
It's a roach.
He's got hairy legs.
He's got bloodshot
eyes, Rieger.
What, what, what?
What are you looking
at me like that for?
You got a bite.
( both moan fearfully )
( theme music playing )
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
( grunts )
Louie!
Yeah.
Cockroach
at 10:00.
Oh, my God!
That's the biggest
cockroach I've ever seen!
That's a man-eater.
I'm going up after it.
Careful, Louie.
Give me something,
give me something.
Here.
( hollers )
Did you see that?
I hit him dead center
with everything I had,
and he just smiled at me.
Here he comes!
( crashing )
Well...
he's gone now.
Yeah... he's gone.
But he'll be back.
Jim, I-I'm expecting
an important call.
Just a short call,
please, okay?
Okeydoke.
Thank-thanks a lot.
Who am I calling?
You mean, you weren't going
to use the phone?
No, I-I was going
to the bathroom.
Oh.
But I'll make
that short, too.
Tony, what's with Bobby
with the phone?
Oh, today he finds out
whether he got that movie part
he's been trying for.
It's between me and another guy.
I wish they'd call already.
The suspense is killing me.
Oh, Bob, Bob, come on.
It's not the last job
you're going to lose.
I mean, uh,
no, I mean, uh...
Hey, what kind of
attitude is that?
I mean, come on.
Let's assume Bobby's
going to get the job
and approach it with
a positive attitude,
you know.
Sorry, Bob. Yeah.
Let him hear the
negative things
after he loses it.
Oh, no, no, sorry.
That's okay,
Elaine.
I still think I have
a damn good chance
of getting this.
Well, good.
That's the way
to think, Bobby.
LATKA:
Ifnosh cafe?
Latka, Latka,
I'm waiting
for an important call.
Uh, this is important, too.
I am ordering my lunch.
You see, there
is a restaurant just open up,
and they serve food
from my country.
Yeah, but-but it's...
all right.
Hello?
Yes.
Oh, yes, hello.
Yes.
Hello.
Thank you, and you, too.
I know.
I would like to order
some food, please.
Okay.
First, I would like to order
a tossed gravlitee.
I would like to... okay...
and a fried yufnish
in the basket.
And a... a...
profnika
with everything.
Yes.
Yes, and two large...
Latka, is there any way
you could do this faster?
Oh, sure.
Just give me the number seven.
Thanks.
( phone rings )
Hi.
Yeah, this is he.
Yeah, I-I-I understand.
Um...
Yeah, thanks for calling.
( sighs )
Well, come on already.
The suspense
is killing me.
You get it or not?
Banta, sometimes
I wish you were smarter
just so you'd know
how dumb you are.
The other guy beat me out.
You know,
I've lost jobs before,
but what kills me
about this one,
is the guy I lost it to
has almost no experience,
and he's not very good.
The only reason he got this job
is because of his looks.
Oh, come on, Bobby.
You're great-looking.
No, you see,
they didn't cast him
because
he's better looking than me.
They cast him
because he has the right look.
You see, casting,
it goes in cycles.
Common looks are in now.
It's a handicap
to be classically handsome.
Don't I know it?
You see... you see
the type they want now
is long on street looks,
short on brains.
Somebody engaging,
with a boyish smile,
animal magnetism
and a dumb but
earnest face.
Somebody like...
Go ahead
and say it, Bobby.
Somebody like Tony.
All right!
Hear that?
Hey, thanks a lot.
Oh, oh, oh,
oh, this is it.
I'm done.
I'm through.
I don't want to be
an actor anymore.
My career is dead.
Thank God--
it suffered long enough.
( knocking on door )
Bobby?
Dropped by to see
how you're doing.
How you doing?
Okay, for a guy
whose career is over.
Ah, that's good.
I thought you'd still
be depressed or something.
I brought beer and Fudgesicles.
Look, uh, Tony,
I-I don't feel much
like talking now,
you know?
Well, uh, how do you
feel about answering?
I could make up a question,
you could answer it.
Okay,
um, I was wondering,
Bobby,
could you tell me
how to be an actor?
Are you kidding?
You said I was
what they were looking for.
Tony, do you have any idea
what acting is like?
Hey, Bobby,
when I was in grade school,
I had a part in the play
Rip Van Winkle.
I know I shouldn't ask this.
What part did you play?
I was the guy that woke him up.
( groans )
Hey, Bobby, you think it's easy
waking a guy up
after he's slept 40 years?
Tony, you got Fudgesicle
all over your face.
Listen, how do you get
an acting job, Bobby?
Well, you're asking
the wrong guy.
But, uh, you get an agent
who introduces you
to casting directors
who introduces you to producers
who hire you.
Well, that's
sounds okay.
Let's do it
like that.
Tony, it's not that easy.
Come on, you have no experience.
Wake up.
Rip, wake up, Rip.
Wake up, Rip.
Almost no experience.
You told me
the guy who beat you out
yesterday for that movie part
had almost no experience.
And he wasn't even that good,
but he looked right.
So, if I look right,
why can't I
get parts, too, Bob?
I don't...
Hey, maybe you could.
What the hell.
I'll call my agent.
The worst he can do
is laugh, right?
Uh, Bobby, I don't think
I want your agent.
And why not?
I mean, he hasn't exactly
made you a star, you know.
Tony, Tony, what is
it that you want?
Bobby, I want you
to be my agent.
You're my friend,
you'd look out for me.
Tony, Tony,
that's crazy.
Why?
You got extra time now,
especially if you're
not gonna act anymore.
( sighs )
Tony, you don't know
what you're saying.
Bobby, Bobby, listen.
I saw that movie
The Raging Bull, right?
Yeah.
And I read someplace
where a lot of the guys
in that movie
weren't real actors.
Some of them were fighters
just like me.
Bobby, Bobby,
listen, man.
I'm serious about this.
Bobby, I know
this sounds crazy,
but all my life,
I felt I was gonna be
something special.
I thought I was
gonna be famous.
I know that sounds crazy,
but that's the way I felt.
I always thought
all this time
I was gonna be
famous as a boxer,
but when you said
"actor," it hit me.
That's where I belong.
You do have
the right face for it.
That's what I think, too.
A girl I once dated
said I was an Italian
Sylvester Stallone.
Yeah, I think the world
is waiting for one of those.
And Bobby,
when I make it,
you're in all
my movies.
Oh, hey, what the hell?
You know,
you may be a natural.
You know,
sometimes that happens.
You may have more talent
than either one of us realizes.
That means
you'll do it?
Yeah.
All right.
( laughs )
I can't believe this.
I am going to manage you.
What do we do?
What do we do?
Okay, now, hey,
we got a lot of work to do.
Now first of all,
I want you
to take these plays home.
Here, here, here.
And I want you to read them,
I want you to study them,
I want you
to get familiar with them.
And then tomorrow, we
start working together.
All right, Bob.
Now, listen, we're
gonna do this right,
right, Tony?
Okay.
Hey, Bobby, this is gonna be
a great partnership.
You bet it is.
Hey, Bobby,
this is one of my favorites--
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
I seen the Disney version.
You're still looking
for that stupid bug,
aren't you?
Stupid bug?
Nardo, I'll have you know
that cockroaches were around
before dinosaurs.
You think they stayed around
that long by being dumb?
If he could see
over a dashboard,
I'd have this one driving a cab.
I've never seen you
so nervous before.
I'm not nervous.
I'm just a little curious.
And I'm trying to do my part
for the hygiene...
What's that?!
( hollers )
I couldn't resist.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Nardo, when I catch this one,
I'm gonna fix you up with it.
Hey, guys,
want to see some pictures
I had taken for auditions?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Three poses for 50 cents.
And what's this
one for?
The one where
you're like this?
That's to show
I can do comedy.
Bobby, look at these
pictures I had taken.
I figure we can show 'em
to casting people.
Show business is tough.
Look, Tony,
don't worry
about that kind
of stuff, huh.
I've taken care of it.
I've been all over town
the last couple of days.
Every casting director
in this city
has your picture
on his desk.
Isn't he great?
And he's doing it
for only ten percent
of my earnings.
Look, uh, I want you
to read a scene for me.
It's a scene from Long
Day's Journey Into Night.
Now you're the youngest son,
and you're trying to
explain to your father
that you've never felt
at home anywhere.
Okay.
Go ahead, stand up.
( clears throat )
( stiffly ):
It was a great mistake,
my being born a man.
I would have been
much more successful
as a seagull or a fish.
Okay, hold it, Tony.
I want to give you
some direction.
I want you to listen to me.
I want you to start over again,
and I want you to think
about what you're saying.
I want you to feel the words,
feel the emotion.
Trust everything.
Leave that pain
open, okay?
Now-now go with it.
Now just...
Take a moment.
Take a moment,
and breathe.
( stiffly ):
It was a great mistake
my being born a man.
I would have been
much more successful
as a seagull or a fish.
LATKA:
Excuse me. Excuse me.
I want to ask
you something.
I could not help overhearing.
Uh, I-I would like you...
could you to be my agent, too?
One time this Italian,
uh, movie company
come to my village
to film a movie
called Here Come the Huns.
Uh, do you want to
see my performance?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Tony...
Now in this scene,
the-the terrible people,
terrible men, the Huns,
have gone burned
everything to the ground.
And all the women and children,
their bodies are lying around.
The crops are ruined.
Everything
I have ever known is...
...destroyed.
And so I am standing there,
looking at, at all of this...
and it goes a little
something like this.
Wait.
( clucking tongue )
He's good.
( phone rings )
BOBBY:
I'll get it.
Hello,
Robert Wheeler Management.
Yes, this is he.
Uh, my secretary stepped...
Yeah, I represent
Tony Banta.
Just let me check
those dates.
Well, I see that we're
presently negotiating
for a part in the new
Jane Fonda film,
which could tie him up
during that period.
Yeah, it is.
It's pretty well set,
but we're not locked in yet.
I tell you what, you
give him an audition time
and I can always work out
something with Jane.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
What was that?
What was that?
11... 2:30, okay.
All right, he will be there.
All right, yeah,
and thanks for calling.
( shrieking with glee )
I heard.
This is so exciting.
I can't believe it,
your first audition.
Audition?
Hey, I want to hear
about the Fonda film.
Arthur Kramer
and Jerry Lowe,
this is Tony Banta
and Mr. Banta's
manager, Mr. Wheeler,
who'll be reading
with him.
How do you do?
Sit down.
Nice to see you.
So, uh, Tony,
you want to tell us something
about yourself before we start?
No, but thanks for asking.
Okay.
Well, uh, why don't we just
start the reading then?
Tony, the role you're playing
is self-explanatory.
You're a young New Yorker
of Italian descent--
eager, innocent
and a little slow.
I'll give it a shot.
You two can start
when you're ready.
Okay, Tony,
I'm gonna start, all right?
Okay.
Okay, now, I play the part
of the father; remember that.
Okay.
All right, uh,
here, you stand over here
so they can see
your face better.
All right, you ready?
Yeah, I'm ready.
I'm ready.
"I understand
if you hate me.
"I can't blame you
for that,
even if it hurts me
more than I've ever
been hurt."
( stiffly ):
"Yeah, okay."
But at least
try to understand.
You don't know what
it was like for me
all those years--
living a lie, pretending I was
somebody that I wasn't,
trying to drown that pain
with booze and drugs.
Hey, listen.
No, let me go on.
This isn't easy for me,
but you have to know.
I did my best.
Those years,
they were hell for me.
Sometimes I thought
I would go crazy.
Finally, there was
nothing I could do
but just run
away from it,
and I'm ashamed
of that now.
But it was either that
or taking my life
with my own hands.
Son... I'm so glad
we can talk like this
after all
these years.
"Me, too."
Thank you. Thank you.
I think we've heard enough.
Oh, yeah. Uh,
come on, Tony.
Yeah.
Can you start
tomorrow?
Him?
You bet!
Are you saying you want...
him for the role?
Yeah, that's what
we're saying.
We want him
to start tomorrow
in Long Island for
some location shooting.
You, you're going
to hire him
after that reading?
Well, it's a small part.
You know,
we'll get a dialogue coach
to help him out
a little bit with the lines.
He'll be fine.
Oh, uh, because
he looks right.
Yeah.
Well, I think
that's just dandy.
I mean, that's
just wonderful.
You're going to cast him
for his face
because of the way
he looks.
After the reading
that he just gave
you still want him.
I think that's
just terrific.
You hire him, please,
please hire him.
I mean, go ahead,
go ahead
and hire him.
Hey, why don't you
hire him and give him
the lead, you know.
Hey, hurry up. Sign him to
a long-term contract.
Quick, before somebody
comes up and grabs him away.
Come on! You know, you got a
whole roomful of them out there.
Hire them all.
Just think,
a whole picture of his face.
Come on!
Hey, any of you guys
want a job?
Does he work
for his ten percent or what?
Bobby, you here?
Hey, Tony, look, I'm really
sorry what happened yesterday.
Something just snapped
and I went crazy.
That's okay.
So, uh, how did
your first day
go as an actor?
Well, it had its ups and downs.
I went to Long Island.
Had some good coffee.
People treated me real nice.
I watched George C. Scott
eat a jelly doughnut.
Then they fired me.
They fired you?
Yeah, the director
didn't want me.
He said I wasn't right
for the role-- or any role.
He used words like
"wrong interpretation"
and "artistic differences,"
"over my dead body..."
Tony, listen, I'm really sorry.
It's okay.
No, I know it meant
a lot to you.
And if anybody knows how
you're feeling right now...
Hey, Bobby, I'm sorry
I let you down.
Tony, I got a confession
to make.
As bad as you feel now
and as bad as I feel for you,
I'm glad you
got fired.
Something better
came through.
Well, no.
The Jane Fonda movie.
The director...
he was right.
How do you know?
You weren't even there, Bobby.
I didn't have to be
there, he was right.
And thank God
for that director.
Thank God, somebody
finally stood up
and fought
for quality.
Hey, Bobby, I know
you're the manager
and I don't want
to tell you your job,
but isn't it about now
you start building confidence?
Tony, don't you understand?
There are people who sacrifice
food and clothing
for acting lessons...
who freeze in the winter
and are one step from hell
in the summer...
living in poverty just
so they can be in New York
and step out onto a dark stage
and give the best
damn performance
of their lives, just to hear,
"thank you very much,
next please" again
and again and again.
Those people are actors, Tony.
And they do what they do,
because they love acting.
See, when that director
fired you today,
it was like he was saying
to all those people "I care!"
Do you know
what that means, Tony?
It means that there
are powerful people out there
who still care about
professionalism.
It means that acting
and everything
the theater represents...
is still alive.
Just 'cause
I got canned.
Wow.
Tony, I'm gonna tell
every actor I know
what happened today.
You're going to be
an inspiration
for them to go on.
How does that
make you feel?
It makes me feel great.
But I got to tell you something,
I hope they don't expect me
to bail them out
every time.
( loudly ):
Well, good night, everybody.
Good night.
Everybody out of the garage.
All right.
( stomping )
( mutters quietly )
( whispering ):
Ignore me, ignore me.
Yeah, I would,
but what the hell are you doing?
Roach.
I put hamburger meat
on the end of this.
When he nibbles--
yank his head off.
Louie, Louie,
aren't you getting
a little obsessed
with this roach?
I mean, how big
can the roach
possibly be?
Rieger, this is not
just a roach.
It's a roach.
He's got hairy legs.
He's got bloodshot
eyes, Rieger.
What, what, what?
What are you looking
at me like that for?
You got a bite.
( both moan fearfully )
( theme music playing )
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
( grunts )