Taxi (1978–1983): Season 3, Episode 7 - The Call of the Mild - full transcript
Alex, Tony, and the gang end up stranded without provisions in a mountain cabin when a freak snowstorm and an intrusive bear wreck their well laid plans.
( theme music playing )
Hey, hey! Here it is!
Here it is, I'm on! I'm on!
( dramatic music plays )
( mumbles )
ANNOUNCER:
You're 11,000 feet high
in the mountains.
You've brought down
your last tree
and then you sense it--
that BrickHauser feeling.
You're ready
for America's boldest beer.
BrickHauser,
the beer as cold and bold
as the mountains themselves.
( Elaine screaming )
( all talking at once )
You were great.
ELAINE:
You were brilliant.
It was a very good performance.
Thanks, Louie.
I'm not talking about you,
ham hock.
I'm talking about
this little show
your friends
are putting on.
( all murmuring )
You know, the best part
about shooting that commercial
was where we got to shoot it.
Three days up in
the mountains--
it was just great.
Ever since I finished it
I've been thinking
about going back up there
and spending some time,
some weekend there.
Sounds good.
Hey, you want to go?
Hey, that sounds great.
Why don't we do it this weekend?
Why don't we do it
for the whole week?
Huh?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Just us men
against the elements.
All right.
I'd like to get
some money down
on the elements.
Come on.
What would the two of you do
up in the mountains
for a whole week?
What do you mean, what would
we do up in the mountains?
We'd do what everybody does
in the mountains.
Like what?
Mountain stuff.
Hey, I'm starting
to get excited.
What are we going to bring?
Alex?
Huh?
You got to talk
them out of this.
Me?
Yeah.
Well, what would you
like me to say to them?
It's winter.
Do you realize
that they have
absolutely no experience
in the wilderness?
Do you realize how
dangerous that could be?
Besides which,
they'll lose a week of work.
That's right.
Hey, guys...
count me in.
I'm going.
All right.
Great.
Whoo!
All right!
It's kind of chilly up there
this time of year.
Yeah.
So I think we got
to get a place
with a heated pool.
No, no. No, no.
Tony, Tony, I-I-I want
basic, you know?
I want primitive.
I don't want any
electricity, telephones--
no conveniences.
I've got just the place.
ALEX:
Where?
My apartment.
Jim, we were
talking about
something far out.
Hey...
Let me rephrase that.
We were talking
about in the mountains.
Oh, okay.
Well, then let's just find
the place in the mountains.
Great idea.
Hey, you want to go, Jim?
Uh... yeah.
You know...
I do have, uh,
some experience
in these matters.
I used to live in
a commune, you know.
BOBBY:
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
Boy, we really roughed it.
Grew our own food,
churned our
own butter...
eh... built our
own shelters.
Anything we couldn't make
for ourselves
we traded for
with another commune.
I had the best years
of my life there.
If it was so wonderful,
why'd you leave?
Uh... they traded me...
( grunts )
for a couple of goats...
and a, uh, and a Donovan album.
I yearn for the
wide-open spaces.
Try looking
between your ears.
Well, uh, even
with Jim along,
I think it might be rough.
Hey, we want it
rough, Elaine.
TONY:
Yeah!
We want to test our mettle.
We want to stand face to face
with nature in
its most raw.
Sounds stupid.
( mutters )
You don't understand it
because you're
a woman, Elaine.
I have no idea
why I don't understand it.
BOBBY:
Look at this place, huh?
We're in the middle of nowhere.
How far did we come
from your place?
About 106 miles.
106 miles?
It's more like 106 miles
since we left anything
resembling a road.
Well, it's not too late
to go back.
Hi, guys.
I love this.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
It's so quiet here
you can actually
hear yourself think.
I can't hear anything.
Anybody have a gun?
That's okay.
He's harmless.
No, I mean for hunting.
Ain't you going
to do some hunting?
No, no, we don't...
We're not interested
in hunting.
Well, you're gonna
be up here for a week,
shouldn't you at least
have brought a gun
along for protection?
Protection, from what?
Never know this far up.
Listen, I'd better leave you
one of my rifles just in case.
I'd feel better if I did.
Sure.
TONY:
Hey, look at
this, man.
There's only one
bed in this place.
A bed.
Which one of you men
wants a bed?
Not me.
Not a chance.
You kidding?
Good.
It's loaded, so be careful.
All right.
We'll leave it over here
in case you need it.
Maybe I better come up
tomorrow or the next day
and check on you guys.
Oh, no, really.
There's no need for that.
We can handle ourselves.
Okay. I won't be back
for a week
and there's nobody else
around here
so, uh, if you're worried
about anything
think of it now.
Hey, we're fine.
TONY:
Yeah, we're fine.
We're, okay.
Wait a minute.
Sir...
Alex, come on, we're okay.
Okay, okay, fine. Thanks.
Wait a minute, sir.
How can we reach you?
Do you have a phone?
Yeah, I got a phone.
Oh, great!
But you don't.
Sir, one second.
Where's the nearest phone?
Well, that would be
the one at my place.
Your place.
I'll see you Sunday.
You're a long way
from the city, boys.
I hope you know
what you're doing.
Pleasant sort.
What did he have to go
and say something
like that for?
Hey, the guy lives
in the woods.
He probably talks
to birds and squirrels.
Come on, let's unpack.
Hey, we better.
Our food's thawing out here.
Look at this,
the stuff is dripping.
Come on, let's get this
to the refrigerator.
Would you look at us--
looking for a refrigerator.
There's no electricity here.
Without a refrigerator
all the food's gonna go bad.
With no food
and no way out of here,
we'll be dead by Wednesday.
( laughing )
Mountain man! Mountain man!
Mountain man!
It's too late. He left.
We're going to die.
Nobody's gonna die.
We just got
to use our heads.
No-no time to panic now.
Hey, I got an idea.
It's a lot colder
outside the cabin
than it is inside, right?
Right, we can put stuff outside.
Oh... Oh, terrific! Hey!
Hey, I wish that guy
could see us now, huh?
Yeah, we'll show old Hiawatha
who can handle themselves,
right?
Where does he come off
trying to make us
look so stupid?
BOBBY:
You're telling me.
This is just great, everybody.
I mean, we're doing it,
we are handling ourselves.
We're surviving.
That's what it's
all about, right?
We don't need refrigeration,
we don't need electricity.
BOBBY:
Oh, boy, we're going
to have a great week.
...Check out the birdies
and everything like that.
I love hiking.
Hiking's one of my favorites.
Oh, yeah, we can
do that, too.
Were you
in the scouts?
I was when I
was a little guy.
The little old mountain man
must have thought
we were city slickers, huh?
How about that gun?
Yeah, protection, right?
Protection.
BOBBY:
How's it going? All right?
I don't know what you guys
are worried about.
There's a whole ton
of food out there.
Let's get to work.
( Alex groans )
Oh, boy.
Isn't this a great feeling?
You mean waking up
in the mountains?
No, getting off the damn floor.
Did anybody get
a good night's sleep last night?
I kept on being awakened
by the growls
of some big, hairy animal.
( snoring )
There it is again.
Wake up, Jim.
Where the hell am I?
It's okay, Jim.
It's okay, it's okay.
You're in the mountains.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, right.
Who are you?
I'm your friend Alex,
Alex Rieger.
We work together.
Oh, oh.
What are we, lumberjacks?
No, we're cab drivers.
Oh, I bet we don't do
much business up here.
You okay?
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I'm all right now.
I think my brains
are beginning to warm up.
I'm starving, huh?
What's for breakfast?
Well, I'll just go
rustle up some grub
from our little old refrigerator
in the woods.
Now, what would
you big lugs like?
Why don't you
surprise us?
I'll do that.
Oh, wow.
You know, I'm really starting
to feel great.
I could just spend the rest
of my life up here.
Something ate all our food!
We're going to die.
We're going to die.
We're 100 miles from nowhere,
and nobody's coming
up for us for a week,
and all our food is gone.
Bob...
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You know what we're doing wrong?
We're not thinking
like outdoorsmen.
What did the pioneers do
in a situation like this?
They built cities
and moved into them.
Come on, now, I'm being serious.
We're just going to have
to use our heads again.
Yay-up.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I'm a fisherman.
I brought my
fishing tackle.
I'll fish.
I like fish.
Hey, Tony, you can go
kill something.
What are you talking about?
Well, Mark Trail, he left us
his gun here, right?
You can go hunt.
Why me?
Well, because you've
fired a gun before.
You were in the service,
remember? Mmm?
Oh, yeah.
Okay. Uh...
Hey, what am I after?
Why don't you
get us some steaks?
Bobby, he's not going
to hold up a supermarket.
You shoot anything
you find, Tony. Anything.
Okay.
ALEX:
Well, I'll just get
my fishing tackle ready
and I'll head for the stream.
Okay. I'm going
to go forage.
Hey, good idea.
What does "forage" mean?
Close the door!
Man, it's getting cold outside.
Yeah, what did you shoot?
Nothing. There ain't
an animal around here.
That's crazy, Tony.
This is the woods.
Maybe word got out
that I'm around.
Alex!
BOBBY:
Well? Well?
What did you catch?
What did you catch?
See for yourself.
Huh? Huh? Well? Huh?
That the bait you used?
Bait? That's my catch.
Well, do they puff up
when you cook 'em?
Well, it's the only kind of fish
I could find in the stream.
What did you even bring
them back here for?
I thought you'd be impressed
by the number I caught.
This one really put up a fight.
We're going to die.
Isn't anybody going
to contradict me?
Hey, look, guys.
It ain't that bad.
I mean, tomorrow Alex
can go out and fish some more,
and I'll do some hunting.
I'm telling you,
it's going to be a lot easier
tracking animals in the snow.
The snow?
Hey, Bobby,
look, it's snowing.
Ain't it great?
Big flakes!
ALEX:
Oh, no.
Now they can take our bodies
down the mountain in a toboggan.
( wind whistling )
Somebody better fix this door.
Who's hungry?
You found something?
Blueberries!
Hurray!
Oh, blueberries! Oh!
Bobby, Bobby!
I don't think
they're blueberries.
Sure they are.
No, I mean they're
blue berries,
but I don't think
they're blueberries.
These may be
poisonous.
Excuse me, Alex.
I've eaten blueberries before,
and they're not poisonous.
I know blueberries aren't,
but these are not blueberries.
They look pretty
darn blue to me.
Jim, I know
they're blue berries.
What I'm saying is, they
may not be blueberries.
And while all blue
berries are blue
not all blue berries
are blueberries.
I-I-I see.
I've mistaken blue berries
for blueberries.
Right.
Got you, Alex.
Cabin fever.
I was doing fine
with my hunger for six days.
I just kept telling myself
that guide's coming back Sunday.
And then when he didn't
show up yesterday...
Oh, my hunger
is really getting to me.
Well, let me tell you something.
If it's the snow
that's keeping him away
it's going to be a while
before he gets here.
It's really deep.
Oh, my God.
What if it isn't the snow?
Maybe he died.
Maybe he had a heart attack.
That would be much too easy
a death for the guy
who rented us this cabin.
This is all your fault, Bobby.
My fault?
Yeah! If you would have gotten
a pineapple commercial
we'd be in Hawaii now... eating!
Come on, Tony, Tony,
remember our deal?
No talk about
food or eating.
Oh, oh. Thank God for those
minnows and blueberries.
I don't think we would
have made it this far.
Bobby!
He didn't mean
blue berries, Alex.
He meant blueberries.
Ohh.
What time is it?
ALEX:
Why?
Well, if it's 4:00, I get to
suck the fish bones again.
You still got an hour.
You know, Alex,
this is working.
You said we shouldn't
think about food
and I'm sitting over here
not thinking about food
and I feel a lot better.
That's good.
That's good, Jim. That's good.
I'm not thinking
about cheeseburgers.
I'm not thinking
about pork chops.
I'm not thinking
about pot roast.
I'm not thinking
about Twinkies.
And I'm not thinking...
Jim! Jim...
would you go out
and get us some
more wood, please?
I'm not thinking
about minestrone.
I'm not thinking
about peas.
Hey, you know something?
I'm full.
Hey, look.
Look, guys.
We're not licked
yet, you know?
We can still
try hunting.
Listen, I've been out,
and I've been out,
and I'm telling you there's
nothing to shoot out there.
Well, that doesn't
mean you won't find
something today.
Yeah, listen, we can't give up.
It's a waste of time.
Well, what are we going to do?
Sit here and wait for dinner
to walk through the door?
( sucking noises )
Jim! Hey, Jim,
what are you doing?
Huh?
What are you doing?
( loud sucking )
What are you
( sucks ) about?
I'm going ( sucks )
to get his attention.
Oh, you mean
the guide's back?
Oh! Don't scare it away!
Don't scare it away.
Oh, my gosh, it's some
kind of large animal.
I think it's a big duck.
It's a turkey.
Ernie?
Ernie's a turkey?
ALEX:
Ernie?
Well, doesn't he look
like an Ernie?
Let's get it!
Let's get it!
Come on. Come on.
BOBBY:
Come here!
Hey, this is crazy!
Let's go get the gun!
ALEX:
Oh, the gun!
Here, Tony.
You're the hunter.
Uh-uh. I been hunting
for a big ugly moose.
I ain't shooting
no little birdie.
Bobby?
I don't want to do it, Alex.
I've never killed anything.
Well, I've never killed
anything either.
But you've got the gun.
Oh, damn.
He does look like an Ernie.
Oh, boy.
Mmm.
( Tony chuckles softly )
Man, I hope this
thing tastes good.
I never cooked nothing
without directions before.
Oh, don't worry.
It's going to
taste great.
Come on, Alex,
let's eat.
Come on, Alex.
You couldn't help
yourself. Come on.
TONY:
Come on, Alex. What
were we supposed to
do, starve?
BOBBY:
Yeah. It was him or us.
Come on, come on. Eat, eat.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Right, right.
Ah, come on, let's eat.
Dig in. Dig in.
I think maybe
we should say grace.
Are you nuts?
We haven't had
a meal in a week.
All the more reason
why we should give thanks.
Hey, I'm eating.
No, no, no, no.
Maybe he's right.
Look, we waited this long,
we can wait a little longer.
Go ahead, Jim.
Lord, we know this bird
was one of Your miracles.
No easier to create...
than a billion stars
or a single grain
of sand.
It was a truly magnificent
creature, Your Honor.
And if we hadn't gotten
so hungry,
Your faithful servant
Alex here...
would never
have snuck up on it
and blown its brains out...
But we grieve
that one of Your creatures
should have been
sacrificed.
Though he could not think,
he could feel.
And now he will never again
walk Your good earth,
smell the sweet air...
experience the glory
of flying in Your heavens.
Taken from him is
the precious gift of life.
One small
innocent being
lies here lifeless...
and we are
diminished.
Amen.
ALL:
Amen.
That's mine!
Save some for me!
Louie,
I'm going to go home now.
So, uh, if Alex
or any of the guys calls,
would you call me
at home, okay?
Do you have my number?
I always thought so.
Louie, please.
This is serious.
I'm really concerned about
the guys so just knock it off.
Hey, I'm concerned too.
I'm worried sick.
Yeah, right.
( phone ringing )
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Sunshine Cab.
Rieger?
Rieger, you okay?
Let me talk to him.
Yeah? Oh, hang on a second.
There's somebody here
who wants to talk to you.
Nardo, Nardo. Come in
here and talk to him.
Okay.
Alex!
Oh, my God!
I've been so worried
about you guys!
Oh, my God!
What happened?
Tell me everything.
Yeah?
You're kidding me.
Oh, my G...
See, I knew it.
I knew it, I knew it.
I told you guys this.
So what did Bobby do?
( giggling )
I love this story!
I love it, I love it,
I love it.
Jim, oh, my God!
This is amazing.
They had to get
snow plows?
I can't believe it.
I just don't believe...
Wait till everybody
at the garage hears this.
You guys must be exhausted.
My God.
( Elaine screams )
Louie!
( crashing )
Uh... hey, Rieger.
How you doing there?
Oh, oh, oh, Elaine?
Yeah, she did seem
a little upset.
What the hell did
you say to her?
( theme music playing )
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
( grunts )
Hey, hey! Here it is!
Here it is, I'm on! I'm on!
( dramatic music plays )
( mumbles )
ANNOUNCER:
You're 11,000 feet high
in the mountains.
You've brought down
your last tree
and then you sense it--
that BrickHauser feeling.
You're ready
for America's boldest beer.
BrickHauser,
the beer as cold and bold
as the mountains themselves.
( Elaine screaming )
( all talking at once )
You were great.
ELAINE:
You were brilliant.
It was a very good performance.
Thanks, Louie.
I'm not talking about you,
ham hock.
I'm talking about
this little show
your friends
are putting on.
( all murmuring )
You know, the best part
about shooting that commercial
was where we got to shoot it.
Three days up in
the mountains--
it was just great.
Ever since I finished it
I've been thinking
about going back up there
and spending some time,
some weekend there.
Sounds good.
Hey, you want to go?
Hey, that sounds great.
Why don't we do it this weekend?
Why don't we do it
for the whole week?
Huh?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Just us men
against the elements.
All right.
I'd like to get
some money down
on the elements.
Come on.
What would the two of you do
up in the mountains
for a whole week?
What do you mean, what would
we do up in the mountains?
We'd do what everybody does
in the mountains.
Like what?
Mountain stuff.
Hey, I'm starting
to get excited.
What are we going to bring?
Alex?
Huh?
You got to talk
them out of this.
Me?
Yeah.
Well, what would you
like me to say to them?
It's winter.
Do you realize
that they have
absolutely no experience
in the wilderness?
Do you realize how
dangerous that could be?
Besides which,
they'll lose a week of work.
That's right.
Hey, guys...
count me in.
I'm going.
All right.
Great.
Whoo!
All right!
It's kind of chilly up there
this time of year.
Yeah.
So I think we got
to get a place
with a heated pool.
No, no. No, no.
Tony, Tony, I-I-I want
basic, you know?
I want primitive.
I don't want any
electricity, telephones--
no conveniences.
I've got just the place.
ALEX:
Where?
My apartment.
Jim, we were
talking about
something far out.
Hey...
Let me rephrase that.
We were talking
about in the mountains.
Oh, okay.
Well, then let's just find
the place in the mountains.
Great idea.
Hey, you want to go, Jim?
Uh... yeah.
You know...
I do have, uh,
some experience
in these matters.
I used to live in
a commune, you know.
BOBBY:
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
Boy, we really roughed it.
Grew our own food,
churned our
own butter...
eh... built our
own shelters.
Anything we couldn't make
for ourselves
we traded for
with another commune.
I had the best years
of my life there.
If it was so wonderful,
why'd you leave?
Uh... they traded me...
( grunts )
for a couple of goats...
and a, uh, and a Donovan album.
I yearn for the
wide-open spaces.
Try looking
between your ears.
Well, uh, even
with Jim along,
I think it might be rough.
Hey, we want it
rough, Elaine.
TONY:
Yeah!
We want to test our mettle.
We want to stand face to face
with nature in
its most raw.
Sounds stupid.
( mutters )
You don't understand it
because you're
a woman, Elaine.
I have no idea
why I don't understand it.
BOBBY:
Look at this place, huh?
We're in the middle of nowhere.
How far did we come
from your place?
About 106 miles.
106 miles?
It's more like 106 miles
since we left anything
resembling a road.
Well, it's not too late
to go back.
Hi, guys.
I love this.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
It's so quiet here
you can actually
hear yourself think.
I can't hear anything.
Anybody have a gun?
That's okay.
He's harmless.
No, I mean for hunting.
Ain't you going
to do some hunting?
No, no, we don't...
We're not interested
in hunting.
Well, you're gonna
be up here for a week,
shouldn't you at least
have brought a gun
along for protection?
Protection, from what?
Never know this far up.
Listen, I'd better leave you
one of my rifles just in case.
I'd feel better if I did.
Sure.
TONY:
Hey, look at
this, man.
There's only one
bed in this place.
A bed.
Which one of you men
wants a bed?
Not me.
Not a chance.
You kidding?
Good.
It's loaded, so be careful.
All right.
We'll leave it over here
in case you need it.
Maybe I better come up
tomorrow or the next day
and check on you guys.
Oh, no, really.
There's no need for that.
We can handle ourselves.
Okay. I won't be back
for a week
and there's nobody else
around here
so, uh, if you're worried
about anything
think of it now.
Hey, we're fine.
TONY:
Yeah, we're fine.
We're, okay.
Wait a minute.
Sir...
Alex, come on, we're okay.
Okay, okay, fine. Thanks.
Wait a minute, sir.
How can we reach you?
Do you have a phone?
Yeah, I got a phone.
Oh, great!
But you don't.
Sir, one second.
Where's the nearest phone?
Well, that would be
the one at my place.
Your place.
I'll see you Sunday.
You're a long way
from the city, boys.
I hope you know
what you're doing.
Pleasant sort.
What did he have to go
and say something
like that for?
Hey, the guy lives
in the woods.
He probably talks
to birds and squirrels.
Come on, let's unpack.
Hey, we better.
Our food's thawing out here.
Look at this,
the stuff is dripping.
Come on, let's get this
to the refrigerator.
Would you look at us--
looking for a refrigerator.
There's no electricity here.
Without a refrigerator
all the food's gonna go bad.
With no food
and no way out of here,
we'll be dead by Wednesday.
( laughing )
Mountain man! Mountain man!
Mountain man!
It's too late. He left.
We're going to die.
Nobody's gonna die.
We just got
to use our heads.
No-no time to panic now.
Hey, I got an idea.
It's a lot colder
outside the cabin
than it is inside, right?
Right, we can put stuff outside.
Oh... Oh, terrific! Hey!
Hey, I wish that guy
could see us now, huh?
Yeah, we'll show old Hiawatha
who can handle themselves,
right?
Where does he come off
trying to make us
look so stupid?
BOBBY:
You're telling me.
This is just great, everybody.
I mean, we're doing it,
we are handling ourselves.
We're surviving.
That's what it's
all about, right?
We don't need refrigeration,
we don't need electricity.
BOBBY:
Oh, boy, we're going
to have a great week.
...Check out the birdies
and everything like that.
I love hiking.
Hiking's one of my favorites.
Oh, yeah, we can
do that, too.
Were you
in the scouts?
I was when I
was a little guy.
The little old mountain man
must have thought
we were city slickers, huh?
How about that gun?
Yeah, protection, right?
Protection.
BOBBY:
How's it going? All right?
I don't know what you guys
are worried about.
There's a whole ton
of food out there.
Let's get to work.
( Alex groans )
Oh, boy.
Isn't this a great feeling?
You mean waking up
in the mountains?
No, getting off the damn floor.
Did anybody get
a good night's sleep last night?
I kept on being awakened
by the growls
of some big, hairy animal.
( snoring )
There it is again.
Wake up, Jim.
Where the hell am I?
It's okay, Jim.
It's okay, it's okay.
You're in the mountains.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, right.
Who are you?
I'm your friend Alex,
Alex Rieger.
We work together.
Oh, oh.
What are we, lumberjacks?
No, we're cab drivers.
Oh, I bet we don't do
much business up here.
You okay?
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I'm all right now.
I think my brains
are beginning to warm up.
I'm starving, huh?
What's for breakfast?
Well, I'll just go
rustle up some grub
from our little old refrigerator
in the woods.
Now, what would
you big lugs like?
Why don't you
surprise us?
I'll do that.
Oh, wow.
You know, I'm really starting
to feel great.
I could just spend the rest
of my life up here.
Something ate all our food!
We're going to die.
We're going to die.
We're 100 miles from nowhere,
and nobody's coming
up for us for a week,
and all our food is gone.
Bob...
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You know what we're doing wrong?
We're not thinking
like outdoorsmen.
What did the pioneers do
in a situation like this?
They built cities
and moved into them.
Come on, now, I'm being serious.
We're just going to have
to use our heads again.
Yay-up.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I'm a fisherman.
I brought my
fishing tackle.
I'll fish.
I like fish.
Hey, Tony, you can go
kill something.
What are you talking about?
Well, Mark Trail, he left us
his gun here, right?
You can go hunt.
Why me?
Well, because you've
fired a gun before.
You were in the service,
remember? Mmm?
Oh, yeah.
Okay. Uh...
Hey, what am I after?
Why don't you
get us some steaks?
Bobby, he's not going
to hold up a supermarket.
You shoot anything
you find, Tony. Anything.
Okay.
ALEX:
Well, I'll just get
my fishing tackle ready
and I'll head for the stream.
Okay. I'm going
to go forage.
Hey, good idea.
What does "forage" mean?
Close the door!
Man, it's getting cold outside.
Yeah, what did you shoot?
Nothing. There ain't
an animal around here.
That's crazy, Tony.
This is the woods.
Maybe word got out
that I'm around.
Alex!
BOBBY:
Well? Well?
What did you catch?
What did you catch?
See for yourself.
Huh? Huh? Well? Huh?
That the bait you used?
Bait? That's my catch.
Well, do they puff up
when you cook 'em?
Well, it's the only kind of fish
I could find in the stream.
What did you even bring
them back here for?
I thought you'd be impressed
by the number I caught.
This one really put up a fight.
We're going to die.
Isn't anybody going
to contradict me?
Hey, look, guys.
It ain't that bad.
I mean, tomorrow Alex
can go out and fish some more,
and I'll do some hunting.
I'm telling you,
it's going to be a lot easier
tracking animals in the snow.
The snow?
Hey, Bobby,
look, it's snowing.
Ain't it great?
Big flakes!
ALEX:
Oh, no.
Now they can take our bodies
down the mountain in a toboggan.
( wind whistling )
Somebody better fix this door.
Who's hungry?
You found something?
Blueberries!
Hurray!
Oh, blueberries! Oh!
Bobby, Bobby!
I don't think
they're blueberries.
Sure they are.
No, I mean they're
blue berries,
but I don't think
they're blueberries.
These may be
poisonous.
Excuse me, Alex.
I've eaten blueberries before,
and they're not poisonous.
I know blueberries aren't,
but these are not blueberries.
They look pretty
darn blue to me.
Jim, I know
they're blue berries.
What I'm saying is, they
may not be blueberries.
And while all blue
berries are blue
not all blue berries
are blueberries.
I-I-I see.
I've mistaken blue berries
for blueberries.
Right.
Got you, Alex.
Cabin fever.
I was doing fine
with my hunger for six days.
I just kept telling myself
that guide's coming back Sunday.
And then when he didn't
show up yesterday...
Oh, my hunger
is really getting to me.
Well, let me tell you something.
If it's the snow
that's keeping him away
it's going to be a while
before he gets here.
It's really deep.
Oh, my God.
What if it isn't the snow?
Maybe he died.
Maybe he had a heart attack.
That would be much too easy
a death for the guy
who rented us this cabin.
This is all your fault, Bobby.
My fault?
Yeah! If you would have gotten
a pineapple commercial
we'd be in Hawaii now... eating!
Come on, Tony, Tony,
remember our deal?
No talk about
food or eating.
Oh, oh. Thank God for those
minnows and blueberries.
I don't think we would
have made it this far.
Bobby!
He didn't mean
blue berries, Alex.
He meant blueberries.
Ohh.
What time is it?
ALEX:
Why?
Well, if it's 4:00, I get to
suck the fish bones again.
You still got an hour.
You know, Alex,
this is working.
You said we shouldn't
think about food
and I'm sitting over here
not thinking about food
and I feel a lot better.
That's good.
That's good, Jim. That's good.
I'm not thinking
about cheeseburgers.
I'm not thinking
about pork chops.
I'm not thinking
about pot roast.
I'm not thinking
about Twinkies.
And I'm not thinking...
Jim! Jim...
would you go out
and get us some
more wood, please?
I'm not thinking
about minestrone.
I'm not thinking
about peas.
Hey, you know something?
I'm full.
Hey, look.
Look, guys.
We're not licked
yet, you know?
We can still
try hunting.
Listen, I've been out,
and I've been out,
and I'm telling you there's
nothing to shoot out there.
Well, that doesn't
mean you won't find
something today.
Yeah, listen, we can't give up.
It's a waste of time.
Well, what are we going to do?
Sit here and wait for dinner
to walk through the door?
( sucking noises )
Jim! Hey, Jim,
what are you doing?
Huh?
What are you doing?
( loud sucking )
What are you
( sucks ) about?
I'm going ( sucks )
to get his attention.
Oh, you mean
the guide's back?
Oh! Don't scare it away!
Don't scare it away.
Oh, my gosh, it's some
kind of large animal.
I think it's a big duck.
It's a turkey.
Ernie?
Ernie's a turkey?
ALEX:
Ernie?
Well, doesn't he look
like an Ernie?
Let's get it!
Let's get it!
Come on. Come on.
BOBBY:
Come here!
Hey, this is crazy!
Let's go get the gun!
ALEX:
Oh, the gun!
Here, Tony.
You're the hunter.
Uh-uh. I been hunting
for a big ugly moose.
I ain't shooting
no little birdie.
Bobby?
I don't want to do it, Alex.
I've never killed anything.
Well, I've never killed
anything either.
But you've got the gun.
Oh, damn.
He does look like an Ernie.
Oh, boy.
Mmm.
( Tony chuckles softly )
Man, I hope this
thing tastes good.
I never cooked nothing
without directions before.
Oh, don't worry.
It's going to
taste great.
Come on, Alex,
let's eat.
Come on, Alex.
You couldn't help
yourself. Come on.
TONY:
Come on, Alex. What
were we supposed to
do, starve?
BOBBY:
Yeah. It was him or us.
Come on, come on. Eat, eat.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Right, right.
Ah, come on, let's eat.
Dig in. Dig in.
I think maybe
we should say grace.
Are you nuts?
We haven't had
a meal in a week.
All the more reason
why we should give thanks.
Hey, I'm eating.
No, no, no, no.
Maybe he's right.
Look, we waited this long,
we can wait a little longer.
Go ahead, Jim.
Lord, we know this bird
was one of Your miracles.
No easier to create...
than a billion stars
or a single grain
of sand.
It was a truly magnificent
creature, Your Honor.
And if we hadn't gotten
so hungry,
Your faithful servant
Alex here...
would never
have snuck up on it
and blown its brains out...
But we grieve
that one of Your creatures
should have been
sacrificed.
Though he could not think,
he could feel.
And now he will never again
walk Your good earth,
smell the sweet air...
experience the glory
of flying in Your heavens.
Taken from him is
the precious gift of life.
One small
innocent being
lies here lifeless...
and we are
diminished.
Amen.
ALL:
Amen.
That's mine!
Save some for me!
Louie,
I'm going to go home now.
So, uh, if Alex
or any of the guys calls,
would you call me
at home, okay?
Do you have my number?
I always thought so.
Louie, please.
This is serious.
I'm really concerned about
the guys so just knock it off.
Hey, I'm concerned too.
I'm worried sick.
Yeah, right.
( phone ringing )
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Sunshine Cab.
Rieger?
Rieger, you okay?
Let me talk to him.
Yeah? Oh, hang on a second.
There's somebody here
who wants to talk to you.
Nardo, Nardo. Come in
here and talk to him.
Okay.
Alex!
Oh, my God!
I've been so worried
about you guys!
Oh, my God!
What happened?
Tell me everything.
Yeah?
You're kidding me.
Oh, my G...
See, I knew it.
I knew it, I knew it.
I told you guys this.
So what did Bobby do?
( giggling )
I love this story!
I love it, I love it,
I love it.
Jim, oh, my God!
This is amazing.
They had to get
snow plows?
I can't believe it.
I just don't believe...
Wait till everybody
at the garage hears this.
You guys must be exhausted.
My God.
( Elaine screams )
Louie!
( crashing )
Uh... hey, Rieger.
How you doing there?
Oh, oh, oh, Elaine?
Yeah, she did seem
a little upset.
What the hell did
you say to her?
( theme music playing )
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
( grunts )