Superstore (2015–…): Season 3, Episode 18 - Local Vendors Day - full transcript
When local small businesses set up shop inside Cloud 9, Glenn tries to help sell his wife's handmade needlepoint; Jonah is concerned that he's pressuring his employees. Amy doesn't feel Latina enough when a man flirts with her in Spanish.
♪
Today is local vendors day.
This is Cloud 9's
way of supporting
the local small business owners
we're constantly putting
out of business.
And this year, we have
a very special vendor.
Just look at these
beautiful needlepoints.
This is certainly an
exciting product.
Glenn, we all know
that's your wife.
No, no, it isn't.
She is just a talented
craftswoman who is gracing us
with her presence.
Thank you, kind sir.
I appreciate the opportunity
with to sell my crafts
in your lovely store.
Well, the pleasure is all ours.
It's just so exciting to have
such a beautiful stranger
at our vendor fair.
- What's happening?
- I think it's foreplay.
Glenn, are you gonna tell your
wife that you're flirting
with one of the vendors?
Oh, I don't think she'll mind.
Oh, so you guys have
an open marriage.
What's that?
It means you're
allowed to have sex
with people who
aren't your spouse.
It's like the Walkers.
Oh. Oh, oh, God, no!
Then why are you trying to
get at the vendor lady?
Are you cheating on Jerusha?
You know what? I'm
gonna call her.
No, don't call her.
She deserves to know.
Don't answer that!
$8 for a bar of soap
just 'cause it's shaped
weird and wrapped in twine?
Well, it's artisanal.
It's organic.
Ugh. I don't need my
soap to be organic.
We have science now.
Science has created chemicals
that keep us clean.
Handcrafted locally
sourced beer.
What does that even mean?
Well, what makes a
microbrew special is...
Know what? That actually
looks kind of interesting.
I think I'm gonna check it out.
Oh, because of the,
uh, the cute girl?
No, 'cause it's ardisenal.
Did you just say "ardisenal"?
Whatever, man. Leave me alone.
Well, things are going
well with beverage guy.
I mean, he waves, you wave.
Yeah, we've been
on a couple dates.
He's... he's sweet.
Wow, I bet dating has changed
so much since your time.
How did you guys even send each
other naked photos of yourselves?
Uh, just in the mail.
Oh, my God. So much effort.
I sent a nude fax once.
- Full face?
- Full face.
I mean, an artist
signs her work.
♪ Hate me, say what
you want about me ♪
♪ But all of the boys
and all of the girls ♪
♪ Are begging to
if you seek Amy ♪
♪ La... ♪
Dina, hey. I made
something for you.
Just as, you know, a
little thank-you for,
you know, the gift that you're
giving to Glenn and me.
- Wow.
- It's a stork.
'Cause you're
bringing us a baby.
Gosh, what intricate work.
Yeah, it took me over 30 hours.
Amazing. Yeah.
You know what? I actually
can't accept this.
No offense, but it just
really freaks me out.
And I do not want
this in my home.
Or, to be honest, on the planet.
- Thanks.
- Oh, okay.
Wow. Can't believe you
came on your day off
to sell cheese you made
out of breast milk.
Yeah, well, it's been a
lot of trial and error.
You know, if you don't get
the consistency just right,
you get boob yogurt,
and that's just gross.
And then there's the scavenging.
Oh, and then my lizard ate
a bunch of my samples.
Wait, wait, wait. Let's
go back to scavenging.
Well, I mainly work
with found milk.
- Found milk?
- Mm-hmm.
You know, a mom leaves a bottle
on a table at a food court and,
you figure she's okay with people
taking a little off the top.
♪
Ever since the storm, he's
become the most amazing hider.
Sometimes I can't
find him for days.
That's great.
Hey, were you guys
talking about Jerry?
Yeah, this weekend,
we're taking the rails
off the toilet.
Yeah, hey, you know what'd be
really good for his recovery?
A nice cozy scarf
from Jerusha's booth.
Better get over there fast, you
know, before she sells out.
Oh, did... did you want
us to go right now?
Whoa, someone's excited.
Yeah, go ahead.
But, uh...
Uh, yep. Okay, let's go.
Whoa, I am jealous of you.
I like the label. It's
very, uh, artisanal.
Thanks, yeah. Would
you like a taste?
- All right, cheers.
- Cheers.
Mmm, it, uh...
wow, it tastes like Bud Light.
You're funny.
Well, yeah, I mean, I'm definitely
a little bit of a crack-up but,
this is Bud Light, right?
No. I guess if you're not
used to drinking craft beer,
it might take a little time
for your palate to adjust.
Or it might be Bud Light.
Hmm.
You know, if you buy
just one more scarf,
you get a free other scarf.
Um...
Sure. Let's do it.
So it seems like, uh,
Jerusha's sales seem to be
picking up a little bit, huh?
Yeah. God, I am so proud of her.
'Cause, you know, needlepoint
comes easy to a lot of people.
But not Jerusha.
I just can't help but wonder
if some of the employees
might feel a little pressured,
you know, to buy her stuff.
I'm not pressuring anyone.
No, of course not,
but there's...
yeah, I think there's an
inherent coercive power
that you wield over
the employees,
even... even if you're
not conscious of it.
Yeah, sure, sure, but you know,
I think if I was doing
something subconsciously,
I'd know it.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah, I just, you know...
I think, uh...
I think what I'm saying is,
just be careful how
you use your power.
Maybe you should be careful
how you use your power...
Handsome.
- Wow.
- Hey.
Did you design this?
This is very impressive.
It came to me in a dream.
A really boring dream.
And it is taking forever.
Well, you know, if
you get hungry,
I highly recommend
the mini burritos.
I've had, like... like, one.
I don't know, there's
something lame about a
burnout white dude making
money off Mexican food.
Yeah, but in fairness
to Burrito Brian,
I don't think he's
making any money.
And I'm pretty sure
he sleeps in his van.
And he did spend some
time in Costa Rica.
Burritos aren't from Costa Rica.
Yeah, no, I know. Obviously.
They're from other places.
Be careful.
I'm gonna have to take
away your Latina card.
Yeah, my Latina card.
Here you go. Take it.
No, um, that's a
picture of a kid.
I found this on the sidewalk
and I felt really weird
about throwing it away.
♪
If you were to describe me...
you know, like,
"Amy is the blank one,"
what would you say?
Amy is the bossy one.
Oh, Amy's the divorced one.
Amy's the mad one. The loud one.
Ooh, the sad one.
- Oh, I could see that.
- No, something more obvious.
Like... like about my identity.
- Like, what am I?
- Oh, the short one.
- The older one.
- Mmm, Amy's the Miranda one.
Guys, I'm the Latina one.
- Uh...
- Sort of.
I mean, I guess technically.
What do you mean? I am Latina.
That's a fact.
I mean, you don't even
like spicy food, so...
Yeah, and you're not
that good of a dancer.
Not that all Latinos
are good dancers,
but it definitely feels
like you're one level below
- wherever you should be.
- I get it.
This is the first time
you've dated a Latino guy,
and you're out of your element.
I am not out of my element.
I... I am the element.
I'm... the element is in me.
Okay, quick tip.
Just call him "papi" at the
end of every sentence.
You'll drive him wild.
Okay, no, that's not a thing.
- It works.
- It really does.
I've dated a lot of Latin men.
A lot of them.
None of you feel pressured
to buy Jerusha's
needlepoint, right?
Actually, it did feel like we
kind of had to buy something.
Had to because of me?
Or had to because you
appreciate quality?
You?
But maybe quality. I don't know.
Come on, you guys
should know me by now.
I never pressure you.
So this is not my fault.
I felt pressured to buy cookies
from your foster kids.
And then someone in
Tucson bought a Vespa
with my credit card,
and the bank said
I had to prove that
I wasn't in Tucson.
How would I even do that?
You take a picture of
yourself with a newspaper
not from Tucson.
You made me take care of the
tropical fish that you raised
even though I can't afford
the tank maintenance.
I had to take out a loan.
My sister was in labor,
and you needed me
to change your screensaver
to flying toasters.
She gave birth in her tub.
Okay, okay.
Okay, I... I am sorry, then.
I'll never pressure you again.
- Okay.
- Okay.
And it's like, why would
I even want a Vespa?
My vertigo was going
crazy at the time.
I had to sit down in the shower.
So I can do hats with
squirrels on them.
I can do scarves
with birds on them.
What about a scarf
with a squirrel on it?
No.
I mean, I guess
technically I could.
But no, I just don't feel
comfortable with that.
¿Qué pasa, amigo? ¿Cómo estás?
- Hey, what's up?
- Ah, answering in Inglés?
I'm gonna have to take
away your Latino card.
I guess you do. I had no
idea you spoke Spanish.
Oh, sí, claro Que sí.
We spoke Spanish in
mi casa all the time.
Uh, lunes, martes,
miércoles, and so on.
Mm.
No.
- That is Bud Light.
- Thank you.
But you know what? Who cares?
No, no, man. I don't care.
It's just that I want her
to admit that I'm right.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, it's about respect.
Right, that sounds like caring.
No, no, no, no, dude.
I don't care.
It's just important to me.
Oh, okay, so that's the
definition of caring.
- No, dude, I don't care.
- Right.
Mm!
Hey, feel like
getting some lunch?
Oh, no, I'm not really hungry.
People aren't buying
anything anymore.
Earlier I was selling a lot,
but now people are
returning things.
That... that's weird.
Well, you know retail.
It's a crazy business.
That's probably it.
I just can't help but kind of
feel like a failure as a woman.
You know, my lady parts
are all dried up.
- They're not.
- I can't do needlepoint
up to the standards
of these people.
My hair won't hold a perm.
When is it Jerusha's turn?
Oh, come on.
It'll be fine. Sales
will pick up.
I mean, people
love your scarves.
- What about my hats?
- Oh, and your hats too.
- Even more than your scarves.
- More?
No, the... the same.
Look, it'll get better.
I promise.
- Mm-hmm.
- Come here.
Oh, fantástico. Sí, sí.
Really?
Sí.
Wow, this is great. I'm
looking forward to it.
- Oh, sí.
- Awesome.
So you agreed to
something, and you have
no idea what it was?
It sounded like
"mana sola rar"...
"mana sola ray."
- Bensoso?
- Mañana.
- Mantilla.
- Mango?
Manaquina. Manila?
No, you're not listening.
Okay, stop, stop, stop!
It's not helping.
Don't you speak Spanish?
Um, yeah. Some.
But he was talking so fast.
And plus he's got that
Dominican accent,
so he was, like, dropping S's
and, like, moving L's to R's.
And it was a mess.
The only Spanish words I
know are más tequila.
Know what I mean? Ay, ay, ay!
Oh, God.
Oh, hey, Jonah, do
you speak Spanish?
- No, why?
- Don't worry about it.
Amy's boyfriend said
something to her in Spanish,
and we're trying to
figure out what he said.
You have a... a boyfriend?
No, just some guy that I've
gone on a couple dates with.
Alex, the beverage guy.
Oh, the beverage guy. Cool.
Cheyenne, look up the
Spanish term for,
"Would you like to
have sex in the butt?"
What? Why?
Because that may be
what you agreed to.
Oh, busy day, huh?
Yeah, actually, I think
I'm about to sell out.
Whoa, wow.
Well, hey, if you
do, no worries,
'cause you got a whole row
of beer right behind you.
Oh, thanks, but you guys
don't sell beer like this.
Oh, no, yeah. Probably not.
Hey, you know what
is interesting?
I had a friend try
one of your samples,
and... this is crazy...
totally independently,
also said it tastes
like Bud Light.
- Well, it's not.
- Well, hey, look.
I wouldn't judge you if it was.
In fact, I'd respect
you for charging $13
for $2 worth of Bud Light.
And I'd appreciate that respect
if that's what I were doing.
- Okay, well...
- Okay, well.
Life is a highway.
What?
I got to get back to work.
So what do you want
me to buy from her?
Oh, it doesn't matter. Just
get as much as you can
- for $200, okay?
- Yeah, okay.
- I can do that.
- Thank you.
Excuse me. How much
can I buy for $200?
Oh, wow, um, let's find out.
Damn it, random man!
- Okay.
- Hey, you know, I don't think
you want to be spending
all your money here.
- I thought I was supposed to...
- What are you doing?
Well, nothing. It's
just that $200 is a lot
to spend on candy when there's
so many other booths.
Who asked you to get involved?
- Glenn, what's going on?
- He's messing with my sale.
- What do you want me to buy?
- That's what's going on.
It's okay. I... I just want
everybody to be happy.
Then mind your own business.
O-okay.
"Lay Na sol ya Ra."
Says it's Hindi.
Could he have been
speaking Hindi?
No, he's Dominican.
A Dominican person could
speak Hindi if he wanted to.
He could learn it.
That's great about you
and the beverage guy.
I love that guy.
- Really good guy.
- Do you know him?
We've never talked, but
we'll wave, you know?
Or he'll nod if he's, you know,
pushing the dolly or something.
He's a great, great guy.
You said that already.
Why didn't you just tell him that you
didn't understand what he was saying?
Because then he would
just go on and on
about taking my
Latina card from me.
What's a Latina card?
Like when you go to
Sharky's, you earn points.
We should go on a
double date together.
You and, um, the beverage
guy and Kelly and me.
Guys, Amy's in uncharted
territory right now.
She usually only
dates white men.
Well, that's pretty racist.
That's not true. I don't
just date white men.
I dated one white
guy 15 years ago,
and I just happened
to marry him.
I'm gonna call Kelly.
I'm gonna text her.
I'm gonna call her.
Just because she has a preference
doesn't mean she's racist.
I don't have a preference.
And if I did,
it probably wouldn't
be white guys.
You know what? She's here. I could
just go up and talk to her.
Eh, I'm gonna text her.
I'm sorry, isn't having a preference
the definition of racism?
I think it's racist to
have a non-preference.
Like, you can say,
"I'm into Cuban guys,"
but you can't say, "I'm into
everyone but Cuban guys."
- Ah.
- No, yeah.
I totally kissed a
black guy once.
Who?
You don't know him. It
was from high school.
What was his name?
- Peter.
- Peter the black guy?
Yeah, okay, that doesn't
sound right, but whatever.
She's in!
Kelly's in. This is gonna be...
this is gonna be great.
It's gonna be great. Great,
great, great, great.
♪ Her face everywhere I go ♪
♪ On the street and even
at the picture show ♪
♪ Have you seen her ♪
I don't know, man.
Sometimes I just think that
maybe it was a mistake
to sink my life
savings into this.
Yeah, well...
Uh...
- Hang in there.
- Really?
That means a lot, man.
Men need to support other men.
- You know?
- Yeah, yeah, sure.
Hey. On the house.
Oh, no, no, no, I couldn't.
It's gonna make me real happy.
- Okay.
- Yeah!
- Thank you.
- Hey, hey, hey,
where you going?
Pop it in.
Oh, you...
you wanted me to, uh,
eat it right now?
I want to see the look in your eyes
when that cheese hits your tongue.
Yes, I will... I will do this.
I will put this in there.
That's how it works.
Mmm!
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- That is such a relief.
- Mm-hmm.
I haven't tried it yet.
To be honest, it kind
of grosses me out.
Hey, guys.
Um, I just wanted
to double check.
No one wanted to buy anything
from Jerusha, right?
Just asking as a
pal, not your boss.
Just as a pal who loves crafts.
No, thank you. I don't
really like them.
Okay. Cool.
Mateo?
You know, you would
look really fetching
in a bird scarf.
Oh, I never cover my neck.
It's my best feature.
Also, I'm saving up for something
I actually want to buy.
- Justine?
- Hard pass.
I think the crossword puzzles
are harder in spring.
Listen up!
Everybody here better get out there
and start buying stuff from my wife!
I feel like you're
pressuring us.
You're goddamn right,
I'm pressuring you.
You buy stuff, or you're fired!
- What?
- Yeah, and if you tell anyone
I did this, I'll lie.
And I'll say that I didn't.
And they'll believe me,
because I'm the boss!
Now! Now, go, go!
You move your ass!
I had my medicine in that.
I crush it up and hide
it to trick myself.
Oh, let me... let me help you.
Maybe it's right on top here.
So, I lager for three
months at 35 degrees.
And actually the yeast
that I use is a descendant
of the original
Bavarian wild yeasts...
It's Bud Light. It's Bud Light.
It's a descendant of Bud Light
because it's Bud Light.
- What are you doing?
- Just admit it's Bud Light.
Okay, could you...
Fine, it's Bud Light, okay?
I buy the kegs wholesale, and
then I mark up the bottles.
Now, could you please
stop telling everyone?
Thank you for just
being honest with me.
That's all I wanted.
Now, how about I take
you out sometime?
Hey. I'm taking off.
You're still up for
tonight, right?
Uh, yeah.
Tonight, um, so do
I need to, like,
wear anything or maybe
bring something?
- No, nothing special.
- Okay.
And, um...
and you're sure this is
something I'm gonna enjoy?
I mean, we don't have to
if you don't want to.
Okay, I don't understand
what you're saying!
- Huh?
- My Spanish isn't that good.
My parents never made me
speak it in the house,
and I really don't feel like I should be
made to feel guilty about that, okay?
I was just asking if you're
cool driving for an hour
to this barbecue place I like.
Oh. Oh, cool.
- Yeah, that's, uh, cool.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
Yeah.
So you didn't understand
anything I was saying?
Like all the stuff about
my mom and my family?
Oh, no, no, no. That...
that stuff I totally got.
I understood that.
Your family, they're a riot.
What a... what a hoot.
I can't believe I sold out.
I am so proud of you,
my little saleswoman.
I'm thinking about experimenting
with a badger on a sweater.
I think people would love that.
Today is local vendors day.
This is Cloud 9's
way of supporting
the local small business owners
we're constantly putting
out of business.
And this year, we have
a very special vendor.
Just look at these
beautiful needlepoints.
This is certainly an
exciting product.
Glenn, we all know
that's your wife.
No, no, it isn't.
She is just a talented
craftswoman who is gracing us
with her presence.
Thank you, kind sir.
I appreciate the opportunity
with to sell my crafts
in your lovely store.
Well, the pleasure is all ours.
It's just so exciting to have
such a beautiful stranger
at our vendor fair.
- What's happening?
- I think it's foreplay.
Glenn, are you gonna tell your
wife that you're flirting
with one of the vendors?
Oh, I don't think she'll mind.
Oh, so you guys have
an open marriage.
What's that?
It means you're
allowed to have sex
with people who
aren't your spouse.
It's like the Walkers.
Oh. Oh, oh, God, no!
Then why are you trying to
get at the vendor lady?
Are you cheating on Jerusha?
You know what? I'm
gonna call her.
No, don't call her.
She deserves to know.
Don't answer that!
$8 for a bar of soap
just 'cause it's shaped
weird and wrapped in twine?
Well, it's artisanal.
It's organic.
Ugh. I don't need my
soap to be organic.
We have science now.
Science has created chemicals
that keep us clean.
Handcrafted locally
sourced beer.
What does that even mean?
Well, what makes a
microbrew special is...
Know what? That actually
looks kind of interesting.
I think I'm gonna check it out.
Oh, because of the,
uh, the cute girl?
No, 'cause it's ardisenal.
Did you just say "ardisenal"?
Whatever, man. Leave me alone.
Well, things are going
well with beverage guy.
I mean, he waves, you wave.
Yeah, we've been
on a couple dates.
He's... he's sweet.
Wow, I bet dating has changed
so much since your time.
How did you guys even send each
other naked photos of yourselves?
Uh, just in the mail.
Oh, my God. So much effort.
I sent a nude fax once.
- Full face?
- Full face.
I mean, an artist
signs her work.
♪ Hate me, say what
you want about me ♪
♪ But all of the boys
and all of the girls ♪
♪ Are begging to
if you seek Amy ♪
♪ La... ♪
Dina, hey. I made
something for you.
Just as, you know, a
little thank-you for,
you know, the gift that you're
giving to Glenn and me.
- Wow.
- It's a stork.
'Cause you're
bringing us a baby.
Gosh, what intricate work.
Yeah, it took me over 30 hours.
Amazing. Yeah.
You know what? I actually
can't accept this.
No offense, but it just
really freaks me out.
And I do not want
this in my home.
Or, to be honest, on the planet.
- Thanks.
- Oh, okay.
Wow. Can't believe you
came on your day off
to sell cheese you made
out of breast milk.
Yeah, well, it's been a
lot of trial and error.
You know, if you don't get
the consistency just right,
you get boob yogurt,
and that's just gross.
And then there's the scavenging.
Oh, and then my lizard ate
a bunch of my samples.
Wait, wait, wait. Let's
go back to scavenging.
Well, I mainly work
with found milk.
- Found milk?
- Mm-hmm.
You know, a mom leaves a bottle
on a table at a food court and,
you figure she's okay with people
taking a little off the top.
♪
Ever since the storm, he's
become the most amazing hider.
Sometimes I can't
find him for days.
That's great.
Hey, were you guys
talking about Jerry?
Yeah, this weekend,
we're taking the rails
off the toilet.
Yeah, hey, you know what'd be
really good for his recovery?
A nice cozy scarf
from Jerusha's booth.
Better get over there fast, you
know, before she sells out.
Oh, did... did you want
us to go right now?
Whoa, someone's excited.
Yeah, go ahead.
But, uh...
Uh, yep. Okay, let's go.
Whoa, I am jealous of you.
I like the label. It's
very, uh, artisanal.
Thanks, yeah. Would
you like a taste?
- All right, cheers.
- Cheers.
Mmm, it, uh...
wow, it tastes like Bud Light.
You're funny.
Well, yeah, I mean, I'm definitely
a little bit of a crack-up but,
this is Bud Light, right?
No. I guess if you're not
used to drinking craft beer,
it might take a little time
for your palate to adjust.
Or it might be Bud Light.
Hmm.
You know, if you buy
just one more scarf,
you get a free other scarf.
Um...
Sure. Let's do it.
So it seems like, uh,
Jerusha's sales seem to be
picking up a little bit, huh?
Yeah. God, I am so proud of her.
'Cause, you know, needlepoint
comes easy to a lot of people.
But not Jerusha.
I just can't help but wonder
if some of the employees
might feel a little pressured,
you know, to buy her stuff.
I'm not pressuring anyone.
No, of course not,
but there's...
yeah, I think there's an
inherent coercive power
that you wield over
the employees,
even... even if you're
not conscious of it.
Yeah, sure, sure, but you know,
I think if I was doing
something subconsciously,
I'd know it.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah, I just, you know...
I think, uh...
I think what I'm saying is,
just be careful how
you use your power.
Maybe you should be careful
how you use your power...
Handsome.
- Wow.
- Hey.
Did you design this?
This is very impressive.
It came to me in a dream.
A really boring dream.
And it is taking forever.
Well, you know, if
you get hungry,
I highly recommend
the mini burritos.
I've had, like... like, one.
I don't know, there's
something lame about a
burnout white dude making
money off Mexican food.
Yeah, but in fairness
to Burrito Brian,
I don't think he's
making any money.
And I'm pretty sure
he sleeps in his van.
And he did spend some
time in Costa Rica.
Burritos aren't from Costa Rica.
Yeah, no, I know. Obviously.
They're from other places.
Be careful.
I'm gonna have to take
away your Latina card.
Yeah, my Latina card.
Here you go. Take it.
No, um, that's a
picture of a kid.
I found this on the sidewalk
and I felt really weird
about throwing it away.
♪
If you were to describe me...
you know, like,
"Amy is the blank one,"
what would you say?
Amy is the bossy one.
Oh, Amy's the divorced one.
Amy's the mad one. The loud one.
Ooh, the sad one.
- Oh, I could see that.
- No, something more obvious.
Like... like about my identity.
- Like, what am I?
- Oh, the short one.
- The older one.
- Mmm, Amy's the Miranda one.
Guys, I'm the Latina one.
- Uh...
- Sort of.
I mean, I guess technically.
What do you mean? I am Latina.
That's a fact.
I mean, you don't even
like spicy food, so...
Yeah, and you're not
that good of a dancer.
Not that all Latinos
are good dancers,
but it definitely feels
like you're one level below
- wherever you should be.
- I get it.
This is the first time
you've dated a Latino guy,
and you're out of your element.
I am not out of my element.
I... I am the element.
I'm... the element is in me.
Okay, quick tip.
Just call him "papi" at the
end of every sentence.
You'll drive him wild.
Okay, no, that's not a thing.
- It works.
- It really does.
I've dated a lot of Latin men.
A lot of them.
None of you feel pressured
to buy Jerusha's
needlepoint, right?
Actually, it did feel like we
kind of had to buy something.
Had to because of me?
Or had to because you
appreciate quality?
You?
But maybe quality. I don't know.
Come on, you guys
should know me by now.
I never pressure you.
So this is not my fault.
I felt pressured to buy cookies
from your foster kids.
And then someone in
Tucson bought a Vespa
with my credit card,
and the bank said
I had to prove that
I wasn't in Tucson.
How would I even do that?
You take a picture of
yourself with a newspaper
not from Tucson.
You made me take care of the
tropical fish that you raised
even though I can't afford
the tank maintenance.
I had to take out a loan.
My sister was in labor,
and you needed me
to change your screensaver
to flying toasters.
She gave birth in her tub.
Okay, okay.
Okay, I... I am sorry, then.
I'll never pressure you again.
- Okay.
- Okay.
And it's like, why would
I even want a Vespa?
My vertigo was going
crazy at the time.
I had to sit down in the shower.
So I can do hats with
squirrels on them.
I can do scarves
with birds on them.
What about a scarf
with a squirrel on it?
No.
I mean, I guess
technically I could.
But no, I just don't feel
comfortable with that.
¿Qué pasa, amigo? ¿Cómo estás?
- Hey, what's up?
- Ah, answering in Inglés?
I'm gonna have to take
away your Latino card.
I guess you do. I had no
idea you spoke Spanish.
Oh, sí, claro Que sí.
We spoke Spanish in
mi casa all the time.
Uh, lunes, martes,
miércoles, and so on.
Mm.
No.
- That is Bud Light.
- Thank you.
But you know what? Who cares?
No, no, man. I don't care.
It's just that I want her
to admit that I'm right.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, it's about respect.
Right, that sounds like caring.
No, no, no, no, dude.
I don't care.
It's just important to me.
Oh, okay, so that's the
definition of caring.
- No, dude, I don't care.
- Right.
Mm!
Hey, feel like
getting some lunch?
Oh, no, I'm not really hungry.
People aren't buying
anything anymore.
Earlier I was selling a lot,
but now people are
returning things.
That... that's weird.
Well, you know retail.
It's a crazy business.
That's probably it.
I just can't help but kind of
feel like a failure as a woman.
You know, my lady parts
are all dried up.
- They're not.
- I can't do needlepoint
up to the standards
of these people.
My hair won't hold a perm.
When is it Jerusha's turn?
Oh, come on.
It'll be fine. Sales
will pick up.
I mean, people
love your scarves.
- What about my hats?
- Oh, and your hats too.
- Even more than your scarves.
- More?
No, the... the same.
Look, it'll get better.
I promise.
- Mm-hmm.
- Come here.
Oh, fantástico. Sí, sí.
Really?
Sí.
Wow, this is great. I'm
looking forward to it.
- Oh, sí.
- Awesome.
So you agreed to
something, and you have
no idea what it was?
It sounded like
"mana sola rar"...
"mana sola ray."
- Bensoso?
- Mañana.
- Mantilla.
- Mango?
Manaquina. Manila?
No, you're not listening.
Okay, stop, stop, stop!
It's not helping.
Don't you speak Spanish?
Um, yeah. Some.
But he was talking so fast.
And plus he's got that
Dominican accent,
so he was, like, dropping S's
and, like, moving L's to R's.
And it was a mess.
The only Spanish words I
know are más tequila.
Know what I mean? Ay, ay, ay!
Oh, God.
Oh, hey, Jonah, do
you speak Spanish?
- No, why?
- Don't worry about it.
Amy's boyfriend said
something to her in Spanish,
and we're trying to
figure out what he said.
You have a... a boyfriend?
No, just some guy that I've
gone on a couple dates with.
Alex, the beverage guy.
Oh, the beverage guy. Cool.
Cheyenne, look up the
Spanish term for,
"Would you like to
have sex in the butt?"
What? Why?
Because that may be
what you agreed to.
Oh, busy day, huh?
Yeah, actually, I think
I'm about to sell out.
Whoa, wow.
Well, hey, if you
do, no worries,
'cause you got a whole row
of beer right behind you.
Oh, thanks, but you guys
don't sell beer like this.
Oh, no, yeah. Probably not.
Hey, you know what
is interesting?
I had a friend try
one of your samples,
and... this is crazy...
totally independently,
also said it tastes
like Bud Light.
- Well, it's not.
- Well, hey, look.
I wouldn't judge you if it was.
In fact, I'd respect
you for charging $13
for $2 worth of Bud Light.
And I'd appreciate that respect
if that's what I were doing.
- Okay, well...
- Okay, well.
Life is a highway.
What?
I got to get back to work.
So what do you want
me to buy from her?
Oh, it doesn't matter. Just
get as much as you can
- for $200, okay?
- Yeah, okay.
- I can do that.
- Thank you.
Excuse me. How much
can I buy for $200?
Oh, wow, um, let's find out.
Damn it, random man!
- Okay.
- Hey, you know, I don't think
you want to be spending
all your money here.
- I thought I was supposed to...
- What are you doing?
Well, nothing. It's
just that $200 is a lot
to spend on candy when there's
so many other booths.
Who asked you to get involved?
- Glenn, what's going on?
- He's messing with my sale.
- What do you want me to buy?
- That's what's going on.
It's okay. I... I just want
everybody to be happy.
Then mind your own business.
O-okay.
"Lay Na sol ya Ra."
Says it's Hindi.
Could he have been
speaking Hindi?
No, he's Dominican.
A Dominican person could
speak Hindi if he wanted to.
He could learn it.
That's great about you
and the beverage guy.
I love that guy.
- Really good guy.
- Do you know him?
We've never talked, but
we'll wave, you know?
Or he'll nod if he's, you know,
pushing the dolly or something.
He's a great, great guy.
You said that already.
Why didn't you just tell him that you
didn't understand what he was saying?
Because then he would
just go on and on
about taking my
Latina card from me.
What's a Latina card?
Like when you go to
Sharky's, you earn points.
We should go on a
double date together.
You and, um, the beverage
guy and Kelly and me.
Guys, Amy's in uncharted
territory right now.
She usually only
dates white men.
Well, that's pretty racist.
That's not true. I don't
just date white men.
I dated one white
guy 15 years ago,
and I just happened
to marry him.
I'm gonna call Kelly.
I'm gonna text her.
I'm gonna call her.
Just because she has a preference
doesn't mean she's racist.
I don't have a preference.
And if I did,
it probably wouldn't
be white guys.
You know what? She's here. I could
just go up and talk to her.
Eh, I'm gonna text her.
I'm sorry, isn't having a preference
the definition of racism?
I think it's racist to
have a non-preference.
Like, you can say,
"I'm into Cuban guys,"
but you can't say, "I'm into
everyone but Cuban guys."
- Ah.
- No, yeah.
I totally kissed a
black guy once.
Who?
You don't know him. It
was from high school.
What was his name?
- Peter.
- Peter the black guy?
Yeah, okay, that doesn't
sound right, but whatever.
She's in!
Kelly's in. This is gonna be...
this is gonna be great.
It's gonna be great. Great,
great, great, great.
♪ Her face everywhere I go ♪
♪ On the street and even
at the picture show ♪
♪ Have you seen her ♪
I don't know, man.
Sometimes I just think that
maybe it was a mistake
to sink my life
savings into this.
Yeah, well...
Uh...
- Hang in there.
- Really?
That means a lot, man.
Men need to support other men.
- You know?
- Yeah, yeah, sure.
Hey. On the house.
Oh, no, no, no, I couldn't.
It's gonna make me real happy.
- Okay.
- Yeah!
- Thank you.
- Hey, hey, hey,
where you going?
Pop it in.
Oh, you...
you wanted me to, uh,
eat it right now?
I want to see the look in your eyes
when that cheese hits your tongue.
Yes, I will... I will do this.
I will put this in there.
That's how it works.
Mmm!
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- That is such a relief.
- Mm-hmm.
I haven't tried it yet.
To be honest, it kind
of grosses me out.
Hey, guys.
Um, I just wanted
to double check.
No one wanted to buy anything
from Jerusha, right?
Just asking as a
pal, not your boss.
Just as a pal who loves crafts.
No, thank you. I don't
really like them.
Okay. Cool.
Mateo?
You know, you would
look really fetching
in a bird scarf.
Oh, I never cover my neck.
It's my best feature.
Also, I'm saving up for something
I actually want to buy.
- Justine?
- Hard pass.
I think the crossword puzzles
are harder in spring.
Listen up!
Everybody here better get out there
and start buying stuff from my wife!
I feel like you're
pressuring us.
You're goddamn right,
I'm pressuring you.
You buy stuff, or you're fired!
- What?
- Yeah, and if you tell anyone
I did this, I'll lie.
And I'll say that I didn't.
And they'll believe me,
because I'm the boss!
Now! Now, go, go!
You move your ass!
I had my medicine in that.
I crush it up and hide
it to trick myself.
Oh, let me... let me help you.
Maybe it's right on top here.
So, I lager for three
months at 35 degrees.
And actually the yeast
that I use is a descendant
of the original
Bavarian wild yeasts...
It's Bud Light. It's Bud Light.
It's a descendant of Bud Light
because it's Bud Light.
- What are you doing?
- Just admit it's Bud Light.
Okay, could you...
Fine, it's Bud Light, okay?
I buy the kegs wholesale, and
then I mark up the bottles.
Now, could you please
stop telling everyone?
Thank you for just
being honest with me.
That's all I wanted.
Now, how about I take
you out sometime?
Hey. I'm taking off.
You're still up for
tonight, right?
Uh, yeah.
Tonight, um, so do
I need to, like,
wear anything or maybe
bring something?
- No, nothing special.
- Okay.
And, um...
and you're sure this is
something I'm gonna enjoy?
I mean, we don't have to
if you don't want to.
Okay, I don't understand
what you're saying!
- Huh?
- My Spanish isn't that good.
My parents never made me
speak it in the house,
and I really don't feel like I should be
made to feel guilty about that, okay?
I was just asking if you're
cool driving for an hour
to this barbecue place I like.
Oh. Oh, cool.
- Yeah, that's, uh, cool.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
Yeah.
So you didn't understand
anything I was saying?
Like all the stuff about
my mom and my family?
Oh, no, no, no. That...
that stuff I totally got.
I understood that.
Your family, they're a riot.
What a... what a hoot.
I can't believe I sold out.
I am so proud of you,
my little saleswoman.
I'm thinking about experimenting
with a badger on a sweater.
I think people would love that.