Superstore (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 21 - Tornado - full transcript
So we're... we're not sure
if it's the same raccoon,
or a cousin, or just a
brand-new raccoon...
Does anyone have any
questions about the raccoon?
Jonah.
Yeah, I have a question
about the layoffs.
All: Yes!
Whoa, wait. There's layoffs?
When did this happen?
We found out at
Cheyenne's wedding.
So when are your testicles gonna
drop so you'll tell us...
Hold up! Follow up question...
Why wasn't I invited
to your wedding?
We were keeping it small.
- It was nice though.
- Thanks.
Who are you?
Alisha. I started last week.
Oh!
Glenn, why don't you just tell
everybody who's getting laid off.
- Yeah, we want to know now.
- I don't know.
But... but I have until the
end of the day to decide.
So in the meantime, a few
words about firework safety.
No one cares about
firework safety!
Exactly!
Glenn, it's not fair to make everyone
wait until the end of the day.
Okay, I'll... I'll tell you
as soon as I decide, but...
in the meantime, let's
just try and forget it,
and have a nice, normal day.
No, in fact,
let's have the best day ever!
Okay? 'Cause for six of you,
it's gonna be your last.
♪
The longer you drag
out this decision,
the worse it's gonna
be for everyone.
I know, it's...
I love all these people.
Hey...
you just take all the
time you need, okay?
I haven't slept since yesterday
- No!
- Yeah.
I can't even eat.
Do either of you want some
of Jerusha's banana bread?
'Cause I can't finish
my morning loaf.
- No, thank you.
- I would love some.
Oh, oh!
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Look, Glenn, if you really
care about these people,
then don't make them wait
all day without knowing.
Just rip off the Band-Aid.
Is that cinnamon I'm tasting?
Taco mix.
Huh.
Mmm.
Amy, it's so hard.
I mean, how do I
fire six associates?
Wait!
Six associates?
This doesn't affect management?
Oh, no, no. You guys are fine.
It's just another example of
corporate greed run amok.
You know? The fat cats
keep filling their coffers...
Tired?
Bored.
You're not...
worried about any of this?
I just don't get worked
up about most stuff.
I wish I was more like you.
Last night, I accidently
told Amy she was sexy,
and was up half the night
kicking myself for it.
But why?
Why would you do that?
I don't know, why...
I had a few drinks.
You're not making me
feel better about this.
Oh, I'm not trying to make
you feel better about this.
What you did was crazy.
That's something a
crazy person would do.
What do I...
Should I tell her
I didn't mean it?
Definitely. Please.
Just make sure I'm there...
when you walk up to Amy and say,
"Hey, you're not sexy."
- Why would you use that word?
- I don't know!
Lots of people use
the word sexy.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Tons of people like
hilarious, gay teenagers,
Gloria Estefan,
cartoon skunks...
that's about it.
I don't know, I feel like
I hear sexy all the time.
All of us...
are vulnerable.
Okay? That's why we, as Asians,
need to form an alliance.
If one of us gets
fired, we all walk.
Walk where?
No, if we stick together, then
they can't fire all of us.
- Right?
- Are we all in?
Asian Alliance?
Technically, I'm
Native Hawaiian,
so can we say Asian/Polynesian?
- Ugh! Just...
- Sorry.
Have you decided which
employees you're letting go?
Why don't you try and
guess who they are?
- Glenn...
- Wrong!
No, I was saying your name.
Look, I know it's tough,
but I need an answer
within one hour.
- Okay?
- No!
Excuse me?
You heard me, I s... I said, no.
I am taking a stand. I am
not gonna fire anyone!
Well, you have to.
Okay.
♪ I see my Marianne
walkin' away ♪
My husband's out of work,
and I just got this job.
I can't afford to lose it.
Oh, I'm sure you'll be fine.
You seem smart,
and dependable...
and sexy, and... and
you're a hard worker.
What'd you call me?
Dependable?
I have six children...
one of whom is messed the up.
I do not need some
overgrown leprechaun
harassing me at work.
Uh, uh, uh!
I'm sorry, I-I...
I'm cleaning it up!
No, no! No! Cheyenne!
That's glass! No, no,
that's a bad idea.
It's okay, I don't want
Glenn to find out.
I-I don't mind.
- Ow!
- No, stop!
Ow!
Okay, if she bleeds
out, call someone.
Ow! Ow.
Please do not leer at me.
Hey, Glenn, people are
starting to get a little
crazy...
out there...
Please help me!
All of us are vulnerable.
Okay, that's why we
as gay people...
we need to form an alliance.
- I'm in.
- Uh, actually,
I'm not a lesbian.
Girl...
Turns out management is safe.
Found out the hard way.
I had to eat some of
Glenn's banana bread.
I'm gonna be backed
up till Sunday.
Maybe I'll have chili for lunch.
Blast it with dynamite.
Well, it's...
good to know you'll
be sticking around.
Why?
Just something people say.
Hm.
I mean...
wouldn't you be glad to hear
I wasn't losing my job?
No more than anyone else.
Wait, is this because
we've been having sex?
Well, no, I just thought...
All animals have sex!
I know what you're gonna say.
Not certain kinds of worms.
Whatever, Poindexter.
No worms have sex.
They all have sex
with themselves.
Here we go.
Look, how about we...
How about we rank people?
Like, on a scale
from one to ten.
If you had to give
Elias a number...
based on job performance alone.
What would it be?
Elias?
That's easy. Ten.
Okay.
Okay, so we know we're
not considering Elias.
Um... what about Sarah?
Oh! She's even
better than Elias.
- Right!
- Yeah.
So if Sarah is
better than Elias,
then maybe we give
a Elias a nine?
No, make Sarah an 11.
Okay. Yeah.
The National Weather Service
has issued a heightened
tornado watch
for the St. Louis area...
Wind speeds up to 120 mph
- are expected...
- Important information
you absolutely need
to know to survive.
Not only did Lisa Rinna design
this fabulous cardigan herself,
she owns it in all 17 colors.
Attention, shoppers.
If you are the owner
of a four-door,
beige, sexy Cabriolet,
your lights are on.
That again is a beige,
sexy Cabriolet.
Subtle.
I'm just talking how I talk.
Tell me if this is weird.
Dina said she didn't care
if I'm the one who
gets laid off.
What? That is weird.
You guys are in, like,
a relationship.
Uh, no. We're not.
Yeah, but, you know...
You're sleeping together.
Pfft, I ain't sleeping
with all those birds.
You're having sex.
Okay, yeah, sure, but
why does that matter?
Because there's usually...
you know, an emotional
component to sex.
Not with us.
Okay, then it's not weird.
I don't think so either.
Okay, so...
Mateo is a 43, Mary is a 42.5...
and Cody, who grows weed
in the garden center...
is a 42.
On a scale from one to ten.
I hire good people.
Look, there is no
right answer here.
Glenn, you could walk
out into the store
and ask every single person,
and they're all gonna
have a different opinion.
Okay.
Everyone write down the names
of the six people you
think should be laid off.
And you're gonna
fire whoever we say?
No, we're all gonna fire
whoever we all say.
Together. As a family.
So like a family,
we'll decide which
siblings to get rid of
through simple majority.
That doesn't make any sense.
We're just gonna wind
up splitting the vote,
and then we're all in danger.
Someone just say someone's name,
and we'll all vote
on that person.
Marcus.
No, for real, though.
I'll do Marcus.
No, no, no, bad.
I think we should
fire the sluts.
I hope not all of us sluts.
You're not a slut, Justine, stop
trying to seem interesting.
I mean, Sandra.
She stole my boyfriend,
and she's bad at zoning.
You don't have to explain it.
Everybody put Sandra.
Okay, Sandra.
Okay.
Glenn, I think asking for
everybody's input is...
is an interesting, and
noble, and sexy idea,
but it's a mistake.
It can't be a mistake if it's
what everyone votes for.
Oh, yeah, that's always true.
This may not be
politically correct...
but let's just fire
all the minorities.
This is not a democracy.
It's mob rule.
What's the difference?
Um...
uh, wow, that's a really
interesting thought.
Glenn, just a friendly reminder.
Jeff is gonna need a
decision in three minutes.
♪
Uh, okay, I'm...
I-I just need to...
check on something...
- What?
- Are we still voting?
Where'd he go? Mine's
already filled out.
There he goes. There he goes.
♪ Been that way
for all my time ♪
Sup, Glenn.
Oh, hey, guys.
I was just heading out to the...
Gorflorkinson?
No.
- Glenn!
- Hm?
You have to make a decision now.
Okay, fine.
I'm just gonna say it.
Unless something stops me.
Like when an angel comes
at the last possible second
in the bible!
But that doesn't
seem to be happening
because that last
possible second is now.
Like, right now.
Hey, welcome to Cloud 9!
- Can I help...
- Glenn!
Chris, Alex, Cody, Justine,
Henry, and Marcus.
Why?
- Oh!
- You wanna fire me?
Well, guess what? If I go...
Mateo goes, too.
We have an alliance.
Right, buddy?
Oh, real nice.
So much for Dave Matthews
fans sticking together.
What is that? What is going on?
Sounds like a prison escape.
No, guys. It's Color Wars.
No, it's a tornado warning!
All right.
Everybody stay inside.
We are gonna lock
this place down.
Okay...
How funny would it had been
if that siren had come
ten seconds earlier!
Oh, boy.
Everyone should find a
place to take shelter
until the tornado either passes,
dissipates, or hits us head on.
Which is not going to happen!
This is just a warning.
We're gonna be fine.
Oh, sorry, I didn't realize
you were a magical gypsy
who could tell the future.
She isn't.
What do we do if the
tornado hits us?
Uh, what do we do if
the tornado hit us?
I'm not sure, maybe
get blown away by it?
No, no, you hide
under a doorway.
No, no, no. That's
an earthquake.
Actually, they say you're not
supposed to do that anymore.
Who cares what they say not to do
for something that's not happening.
They say that you should go
towards the eye of the storm.
Where's the eye of
the storm, Amy?
- I don't know.
- That's what I thought.
Tell someone you trust.
Oh, Cheyenne, that's only if
the tornado's molesting you.
Okay, this is exactly why I said
we needed to do tornado
drills, Glenn.
Okay, well, we'll
do a tornado drill
- right now, Dina.
- Great!
Okay, this is just a drill!
Everyone grab a clutch buddy!
Oh, get off me.
- No...
- Hold on to me.
Don't even think about it.
- Get off me!
- I am saving your life.
I don't wanna be saved by you!
♪ Caught up in the fable ♪
♪ I watched the tower ♪
Bo, I just want to
let you know that
there's a tornado
warning, and...
in case I don't make it, I
want you to make sure that
Harmonica becomes an actress.
I'm okay for now, but if
something is to happen...
Crackers, Harriet, Mr. Beaks...
I want you to open the cages.
I know you know how...
I've known for months.
And, uh, I just wanted to
make sure that Emma's okay.
Uh, and you,
obviously, you, too.
I still, you know...
I mean, no matter what...
anyway.
Hi, Jerry.
I'm just calling to
let you know that
you should probably get tested.
There are, like, ten
guys here who say that
Sandra gave them herpes.
Oh, hey.
This kinda puts things
in perspective, huh?
Makes getting fired
seem not so bad.
I had just saved up enough money
to put doors back on my car.
Well, if you got the money,
you can still do it.
No. 'Cause all that money's
gonna have to go towards food.
And movies.
What happened to our
Catholic alliance?
You lied to me.
Don't take it personally.
I'm not here to
make friends, Cody.
Hate the game, not the player.
You get it.
Nobody loves you.
You're gonna die alone.
Shut up.
I got a helmet for when
stuff starts flying around.
There was one extra.
Who wants it?
- Oh, me.
- I'll take it.
Hmm, guess we'll
have to flip for it.
Well... who do you want
to have the helmet?
It doesn't matter to me.
Why is everything I have
from Dave & Buster's?
All right, so you have a
chance to give somebody
a better shot at
surviving a tornado,
and it makes zero
difference to you
if that person is me, or...
- Alisha.
- Hey, Dina.
Both: Nice to meet you.
I heard good things
about your interview!
I tried.
What?
Well, nothing, just...
flip the coin.
I don't wanna die in a Cloud 9
surrounded by diarrhea medicine.
Well, you know,
We're in a safe place.
You know, you're
supposed to stay away
from south and west walls,
and you're never supposed
to hide under an overpass.
That's... that's just a myth.
What are you talking about?
I'm just talking to comfort you.
- Is it working?
- No, not really.
Okay, I'll keep talking.
Okay.
I mean, the thing about
this structure is...
It's really solid, you know?
It's very strong,
it's very sturdy.
It's...
It's very sexy.
I...
think I might be the only one
who could pull that word off.
Oh, that's... that's just, um...
that's just the grid.
Uh, recalibrating.
We're gonna die in a Cloud 9
surrounded by diarrhea medicine.
Well...
we should keep talking so
those aren't your last words.
♪ It's the final countdown ♪
♪
I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous.
Hey, let's all sing a song.
♪ Cantaloupe's on
the fence post ♪
♪ Horsey's in the barn ♪
Everybody!
♪ Flapjack's on the table ♪
♪ Grandpa's spinning a yarn ♪
Average tornado warning
is 13 minutes.
So in about...
four minutes, we'll be fine.
Or, you know...
not.
You suck at being comforting.
We're gonna be fine.
Excuse me.
These razors say two for one,
but do they mean two razors,
or two packs of razors?
'Cause there's...
there's two per pack.
Just... just take the...
the one pack, then.
- The one pack?
- Yeah.
But there's two in there.
See, this is the thing.
Oh,.
Dear Lord Jesus,
in your infinite power
and compassion,
please save us from destruction.
Thank you, Jesus, thank you.
Dear...
Jewish God, in your
infinite power...
The festive designs
from Caribbean designer
Agwe Urgellés were inspired by
accounts of real-life mermaids.
Amy, come on!
Look out for the...
It's messed up that you didn't
give me the other helmet!
You lost the flip!
There shouldn't have
been a flip, you psycho!
Why?
Because there's an emotional
component to sex!
Buddha, if you speak English,
in you infinite power and
compassion, please...
We're all gonna die!
Come on! Run! Run!
Wait! Wait!
Sandra!
Please help!
I love you, Jeff!
I love you.
But I didn't want to die without
letting you know how I feel!
And you use the word
"ostensibly" too much.
But I didn't want to die
without telling you that.
Ahh!
$49.99? Can we sell it that low?
In your infinite power
and compassion,
please save us from destruction.
Thank you, Ganesh.
We're all gonna die.
Dear, Allah,
in your infinite power
and compassion,
please save us from destruction.
Thank you...
Allah?
♪
♪
♪
♪
You guys, I found my
green hair thingy.
Sir, are you hurt?
♪
♪
No death or injuries
in a hit like this...
Someone out there must be
looking out for you guys.
Yup.
Someone was.
All right, listen up!
- Justine!
- Here.
- Darren!
- Yeah.
- Garrett!
- Right here.
Glad you're not dead.
Likewise.
Brett!
Brett!
Has anybody seen Brett?
No Brett.
Guys!
Do we sell baby pigs?
I found a baby pig.
♪
Listen, um, I just wanna...
- Oh, no, you do not...
- No, just let me...
- Amy, seriously...
- Jonah, stop talking.
♪
I'm saying thank you.
For being there for me, and...
and for...
keeping me calm.
Of course. You know?
Anytime.
Mom!
Emma!
- Are you okay?
- We're okay.
The phones are down.
We were just worried.
I was worried about you.
I'm okay, I'm okay.
♪
Hey! Do you, uh...
guys feel like getting a drink?
I can definitely go for
a drink right now.
Yes!
The horsemen ride again!
I think we should call
ourselves the horsemen.
Okay.
- Hey, let's go home.
- Let's do it.
Look out, bartender,
here we come.
I love drinking, guys.
My car!
Aw, Giant Taco?
Their enchiladas are crazy good!
I hope they're still open.
Do we gotta come
into work tomorrow?
♪
if it's the same raccoon,
or a cousin, or just a
brand-new raccoon...
Does anyone have any
questions about the raccoon?
Jonah.
Yeah, I have a question
about the layoffs.
All: Yes!
Whoa, wait. There's layoffs?
When did this happen?
We found out at
Cheyenne's wedding.
So when are your testicles gonna
drop so you'll tell us...
Hold up! Follow up question...
Why wasn't I invited
to your wedding?
We were keeping it small.
- It was nice though.
- Thanks.
Who are you?
Alisha. I started last week.
Oh!
Glenn, why don't you just tell
everybody who's getting laid off.
- Yeah, we want to know now.
- I don't know.
But... but I have until the
end of the day to decide.
So in the meantime, a few
words about firework safety.
No one cares about
firework safety!
Exactly!
Glenn, it's not fair to make everyone
wait until the end of the day.
Okay, I'll... I'll tell you
as soon as I decide, but...
in the meantime, let's
just try and forget it,
and have a nice, normal day.
No, in fact,
let's have the best day ever!
Okay? 'Cause for six of you,
it's gonna be your last.
♪
The longer you drag
out this decision,
the worse it's gonna
be for everyone.
I know, it's...
I love all these people.
Hey...
you just take all the
time you need, okay?
I haven't slept since yesterday
- No!
- Yeah.
I can't even eat.
Do either of you want some
of Jerusha's banana bread?
'Cause I can't finish
my morning loaf.
- No, thank you.
- I would love some.
Oh, oh!
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Look, Glenn, if you really
care about these people,
then don't make them wait
all day without knowing.
Just rip off the Band-Aid.
Is that cinnamon I'm tasting?
Taco mix.
Huh.
Mmm.
Amy, it's so hard.
I mean, how do I
fire six associates?
Wait!
Six associates?
This doesn't affect management?
Oh, no, no. You guys are fine.
It's just another example of
corporate greed run amok.
You know? The fat cats
keep filling their coffers...
Tired?
Bored.
You're not...
worried about any of this?
I just don't get worked
up about most stuff.
I wish I was more like you.
Last night, I accidently
told Amy she was sexy,
and was up half the night
kicking myself for it.
But why?
Why would you do that?
I don't know, why...
I had a few drinks.
You're not making me
feel better about this.
Oh, I'm not trying to make
you feel better about this.
What you did was crazy.
That's something a
crazy person would do.
What do I...
Should I tell her
I didn't mean it?
Definitely. Please.
Just make sure I'm there...
when you walk up to Amy and say,
"Hey, you're not sexy."
- Why would you use that word?
- I don't know!
Lots of people use
the word sexy.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Tons of people like
hilarious, gay teenagers,
Gloria Estefan,
cartoon skunks...
that's about it.
I don't know, I feel like
I hear sexy all the time.
All of us...
are vulnerable.
Okay? That's why we, as Asians,
need to form an alliance.
If one of us gets
fired, we all walk.
Walk where?
No, if we stick together, then
they can't fire all of us.
- Right?
- Are we all in?
Asian Alliance?
Technically, I'm
Native Hawaiian,
so can we say Asian/Polynesian?
- Ugh! Just...
- Sorry.
Have you decided which
employees you're letting go?
Why don't you try and
guess who they are?
- Glenn...
- Wrong!
No, I was saying your name.
Look, I know it's tough,
but I need an answer
within one hour.
- Okay?
- No!
Excuse me?
You heard me, I s... I said, no.
I am taking a stand. I am
not gonna fire anyone!
Well, you have to.
Okay.
♪ I see my Marianne
walkin' away ♪
My husband's out of work,
and I just got this job.
I can't afford to lose it.
Oh, I'm sure you'll be fine.
You seem smart,
and dependable...
and sexy, and... and
you're a hard worker.
What'd you call me?
Dependable?
I have six children...
one of whom is messed the up.
I do not need some
overgrown leprechaun
harassing me at work.
Uh, uh, uh!
I'm sorry, I-I...
I'm cleaning it up!
No, no! No! Cheyenne!
That's glass! No, no,
that's a bad idea.
It's okay, I don't want
Glenn to find out.
I-I don't mind.
- Ow!
- No, stop!
Ow!
Okay, if she bleeds
out, call someone.
Ow! Ow.
Please do not leer at me.
Hey, Glenn, people are
starting to get a little
crazy...
out there...
Please help me!
All of us are vulnerable.
Okay, that's why we
as gay people...
we need to form an alliance.
- I'm in.
- Uh, actually,
I'm not a lesbian.
Girl...
Turns out management is safe.
Found out the hard way.
I had to eat some of
Glenn's banana bread.
I'm gonna be backed
up till Sunday.
Maybe I'll have chili for lunch.
Blast it with dynamite.
Well, it's...
good to know you'll
be sticking around.
Why?
Just something people say.
Hm.
I mean...
wouldn't you be glad to hear
I wasn't losing my job?
No more than anyone else.
Wait, is this because
we've been having sex?
Well, no, I just thought...
All animals have sex!
I know what you're gonna say.
Not certain kinds of worms.
Whatever, Poindexter.
No worms have sex.
They all have sex
with themselves.
Here we go.
Look, how about we...
How about we rank people?
Like, on a scale
from one to ten.
If you had to give
Elias a number...
based on job performance alone.
What would it be?
Elias?
That's easy. Ten.
Okay.
Okay, so we know we're
not considering Elias.
Um... what about Sarah?
Oh! She's even
better than Elias.
- Right!
- Yeah.
So if Sarah is
better than Elias,
then maybe we give
a Elias a nine?
No, make Sarah an 11.
Okay. Yeah.
The National Weather Service
has issued a heightened
tornado watch
for the St. Louis area...
Wind speeds up to 120 mph
- are expected...
- Important information
you absolutely need
to know to survive.
Not only did Lisa Rinna design
this fabulous cardigan herself,
she owns it in all 17 colors.
Attention, shoppers.
If you are the owner
of a four-door,
beige, sexy Cabriolet,
your lights are on.
That again is a beige,
sexy Cabriolet.
Subtle.
I'm just talking how I talk.
Tell me if this is weird.
Dina said she didn't care
if I'm the one who
gets laid off.
What? That is weird.
You guys are in, like,
a relationship.
Uh, no. We're not.
Yeah, but, you know...
You're sleeping together.
Pfft, I ain't sleeping
with all those birds.
You're having sex.
Okay, yeah, sure, but
why does that matter?
Because there's usually...
you know, an emotional
component to sex.
Not with us.
Okay, then it's not weird.
I don't think so either.
Okay, so...
Mateo is a 43, Mary is a 42.5...
and Cody, who grows weed
in the garden center...
is a 42.
On a scale from one to ten.
I hire good people.
Look, there is no
right answer here.
Glenn, you could walk
out into the store
and ask every single person,
and they're all gonna
have a different opinion.
Okay.
Everyone write down the names
of the six people you
think should be laid off.
And you're gonna
fire whoever we say?
No, we're all gonna fire
whoever we all say.
Together. As a family.
So like a family,
we'll decide which
siblings to get rid of
through simple majority.
That doesn't make any sense.
We're just gonna wind
up splitting the vote,
and then we're all in danger.
Someone just say someone's name,
and we'll all vote
on that person.
Marcus.
No, for real, though.
I'll do Marcus.
No, no, no, bad.
I think we should
fire the sluts.
I hope not all of us sluts.
You're not a slut, Justine, stop
trying to seem interesting.
I mean, Sandra.
She stole my boyfriend,
and she's bad at zoning.
You don't have to explain it.
Everybody put Sandra.
Okay, Sandra.
Okay.
Glenn, I think asking for
everybody's input is...
is an interesting, and
noble, and sexy idea,
but it's a mistake.
It can't be a mistake if it's
what everyone votes for.
Oh, yeah, that's always true.
This may not be
politically correct...
but let's just fire
all the minorities.
This is not a democracy.
It's mob rule.
What's the difference?
Um...
uh, wow, that's a really
interesting thought.
Glenn, just a friendly reminder.
Jeff is gonna need a
decision in three minutes.
♪
Uh, okay, I'm...
I-I just need to...
check on something...
- What?
- Are we still voting?
Where'd he go? Mine's
already filled out.
There he goes. There he goes.
♪ Been that way
for all my time ♪
Sup, Glenn.
Oh, hey, guys.
I was just heading out to the...
Gorflorkinson?
No.
- Glenn!
- Hm?
You have to make a decision now.
Okay, fine.
I'm just gonna say it.
Unless something stops me.
Like when an angel comes
at the last possible second
in the bible!
But that doesn't
seem to be happening
because that last
possible second is now.
Like, right now.
Hey, welcome to Cloud 9!
- Can I help...
- Glenn!
Chris, Alex, Cody, Justine,
Henry, and Marcus.
Why?
- Oh!
- You wanna fire me?
Well, guess what? If I go...
Mateo goes, too.
We have an alliance.
Right, buddy?
Oh, real nice.
So much for Dave Matthews
fans sticking together.
What is that? What is going on?
Sounds like a prison escape.
No, guys. It's Color Wars.
No, it's a tornado warning!
All right.
Everybody stay inside.
We are gonna lock
this place down.
Okay...
How funny would it had been
if that siren had come
ten seconds earlier!
Oh, boy.
Everyone should find a
place to take shelter
until the tornado either passes,
dissipates, or hits us head on.
Which is not going to happen!
This is just a warning.
We're gonna be fine.
Oh, sorry, I didn't realize
you were a magical gypsy
who could tell the future.
She isn't.
What do we do if the
tornado hits us?
Uh, what do we do if
the tornado hit us?
I'm not sure, maybe
get blown away by it?
No, no, you hide
under a doorway.
No, no, no. That's
an earthquake.
Actually, they say you're not
supposed to do that anymore.
Who cares what they say not to do
for something that's not happening.
They say that you should go
towards the eye of the storm.
Where's the eye of
the storm, Amy?
- I don't know.
- That's what I thought.
Tell someone you trust.
Oh, Cheyenne, that's only if
the tornado's molesting you.
Okay, this is exactly why I said
we needed to do tornado
drills, Glenn.
Okay, well, we'll
do a tornado drill
- right now, Dina.
- Great!
Okay, this is just a drill!
Everyone grab a clutch buddy!
Oh, get off me.
- No...
- Hold on to me.
Don't even think about it.
- Get off me!
- I am saving your life.
I don't wanna be saved by you!
♪ Caught up in the fable ♪
♪ I watched the tower ♪
Bo, I just want to
let you know that
there's a tornado
warning, and...
in case I don't make it, I
want you to make sure that
Harmonica becomes an actress.
I'm okay for now, but if
something is to happen...
Crackers, Harriet, Mr. Beaks...
I want you to open the cages.
I know you know how...
I've known for months.
And, uh, I just wanted to
make sure that Emma's okay.
Uh, and you,
obviously, you, too.
I still, you know...
I mean, no matter what...
anyway.
Hi, Jerry.
I'm just calling to
let you know that
you should probably get tested.
There are, like, ten
guys here who say that
Sandra gave them herpes.
Oh, hey.
This kinda puts things
in perspective, huh?
Makes getting fired
seem not so bad.
I had just saved up enough money
to put doors back on my car.
Well, if you got the money,
you can still do it.
No. 'Cause all that money's
gonna have to go towards food.
And movies.
What happened to our
Catholic alliance?
You lied to me.
Don't take it personally.
I'm not here to
make friends, Cody.
Hate the game, not the player.
You get it.
Nobody loves you.
You're gonna die alone.
Shut up.
I got a helmet for when
stuff starts flying around.
There was one extra.
Who wants it?
- Oh, me.
- I'll take it.
Hmm, guess we'll
have to flip for it.
Well... who do you want
to have the helmet?
It doesn't matter to me.
Why is everything I have
from Dave & Buster's?
All right, so you have a
chance to give somebody
a better shot at
surviving a tornado,
and it makes zero
difference to you
if that person is me, or...
- Alisha.
- Hey, Dina.
Both: Nice to meet you.
I heard good things
about your interview!
I tried.
What?
Well, nothing, just...
flip the coin.
I don't wanna die in a Cloud 9
surrounded by diarrhea medicine.
Well, you know,
We're in a safe place.
You know, you're
supposed to stay away
from south and west walls,
and you're never supposed
to hide under an overpass.
That's... that's just a myth.
What are you talking about?
I'm just talking to comfort you.
- Is it working?
- No, not really.
Okay, I'll keep talking.
Okay.
I mean, the thing about
this structure is...
It's really solid, you know?
It's very strong,
it's very sturdy.
It's...
It's very sexy.
I...
think I might be the only one
who could pull that word off.
Oh, that's... that's just, um...
that's just the grid.
Uh, recalibrating.
We're gonna die in a Cloud 9
surrounded by diarrhea medicine.
Well...
we should keep talking so
those aren't your last words.
♪ It's the final countdown ♪
♪
I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous.
Hey, let's all sing a song.
♪ Cantaloupe's on
the fence post ♪
♪ Horsey's in the barn ♪
Everybody!
♪ Flapjack's on the table ♪
♪ Grandpa's spinning a yarn ♪
Average tornado warning
is 13 minutes.
So in about...
four minutes, we'll be fine.
Or, you know...
not.
You suck at being comforting.
We're gonna be fine.
Excuse me.
These razors say two for one,
but do they mean two razors,
or two packs of razors?
'Cause there's...
there's two per pack.
Just... just take the...
the one pack, then.
- The one pack?
- Yeah.
But there's two in there.
See, this is the thing.
Oh,.
Dear Lord Jesus,
in your infinite power
and compassion,
please save us from destruction.
Thank you, Jesus, thank you.
Dear...
Jewish God, in your
infinite power...
The festive designs
from Caribbean designer
Agwe Urgellés were inspired by
accounts of real-life mermaids.
Amy, come on!
Look out for the...
It's messed up that you didn't
give me the other helmet!
You lost the flip!
There shouldn't have
been a flip, you psycho!
Why?
Because there's an emotional
component to sex!
Buddha, if you speak English,
in you infinite power and
compassion, please...
We're all gonna die!
Come on! Run! Run!
Wait! Wait!
Sandra!
Please help!
I love you, Jeff!
I love you.
But I didn't want to die without
letting you know how I feel!
And you use the word
"ostensibly" too much.
But I didn't want to die
without telling you that.
Ahh!
$49.99? Can we sell it that low?
In your infinite power
and compassion,
please save us from destruction.
Thank you, Ganesh.
We're all gonna die.
Dear, Allah,
in your infinite power
and compassion,
please save us from destruction.
Thank you...
Allah?
♪
♪
♪
♪
You guys, I found my
green hair thingy.
Sir, are you hurt?
♪
♪
No death or injuries
in a hit like this...
Someone out there must be
looking out for you guys.
Yup.
Someone was.
All right, listen up!
- Justine!
- Here.
- Darren!
- Yeah.
- Garrett!
- Right here.
Glad you're not dead.
Likewise.
Brett!
Brett!
Has anybody seen Brett?
No Brett.
Guys!
Do we sell baby pigs?
I found a baby pig.
♪
Listen, um, I just wanna...
- Oh, no, you do not...
- No, just let me...
- Amy, seriously...
- Jonah, stop talking.
♪
I'm saying thank you.
For being there for me, and...
and for...
keeping me calm.
Of course. You know?
Anytime.
Mom!
Emma!
- Are you okay?
- We're okay.
The phones are down.
We were just worried.
I was worried about you.
I'm okay, I'm okay.
♪
Hey! Do you, uh...
guys feel like getting a drink?
I can definitely go for
a drink right now.
Yes!
The horsemen ride again!
I think we should call
ourselves the horsemen.
Okay.
- Hey, let's go home.
- Let's do it.
Look out, bartender,
here we come.
I love drinking, guys.
My car!
Aw, Giant Taco?
Their enchiladas are crazy good!
I hope they're still open.
Do we gotta come
into work tomorrow?
♪