Superstore (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 20 - Episode #2.20 - full transcript
What am I supposed to
wear to your wedding?
The invitation just
says, "Not basic."
You know, not basic.
I don't know how to explain
it more than that.
Yeah, like, Adam's
wearing a gray suit.
Mm, I mean, that's,
like, semi-basic,
but you guys are old.
No one's looking at you anyways.
I didn't know you
were bringing Adam.
Yeah, I thought your
marriage was, like,
No, it's fine.
We're in couples
counseling and it's fine,
and, please, nobody
be weird around him.,
- Okay?
- No...
I'm, like, super cazh.
And, please, nobody
say "super cazh,"
like, as a life rule.
Well, personally, I'm
gonna wear a polo dress.
All right? It's simple,
beautiful, elegant...
Oh, but then again,
I do have one
of Nancy Pelosi's old pantsuits.
I won it at an auction.
Do you think that
would be better?
I'm actually just wearing
my bridesmaid's dress.
You asked Amy to
be a bridesmaid,
but you didn't ask me?
What? Ohhh!
Uhhh...
- Yah!
- I get it.
Ah!
I just kind of always wanted
to be a bridesmaid, and I...
I don't know if I'll
ever get another chance.
I mean...
my sister's just so ugly.
All right, Dina...
you can be a bridesmaid.
Yes! Oh!
You will not regret this.
Okay, I'm gonna need
to see my dress asap,
in case I want to change
the cut or the color.
♪
Does this sound fancy to you?
Nah, just sounds like gold
clinking up against crystal.
What?
Those are two of the
most expensive things!
Relax, dude, it's
not a competition.
I just got something from the
"lost and found" bin at work.
I don't want people
spending money
they might not have tomorrow.
Corporate is making me
lay off six people.
Whoa. There's gonna be layoffs?
Shh!
I don't want anyone to know.
Okay, well, they're gonna find out
when the paychecks stop coming.
- I'll tell them tomorrow.
- Mm.
Cheyenne's wedding should
be a day of joy...
that people look
back on and say,
"I was happy that day.
That was the last
day I was happy."
- You look fine.
- Yeah? Fine?
Yeah, fine. Yeah, good, like...
like you always do.
- Nice, you look nice.
- Thanks.
You too.
I feel like everyone
is looking at us.
Maybe I shouldn't have come.
Adam, nobody's looking at us.
Adam!
Sorry. Adam.
Hey!
- How's it going, man?
- Good.
You know what? Come on,
let's bring it in here.
- Hey.
- Yeah!
It's good to see you.
What's up? What's new with you?
I mean, with work, not...
not personal stuff.
- Super cazh.
- No doubt.
Still unemployed, but...
Cool.
- I'm Kristen, by the way.
- Yes!
- That's Kristen.
- Hi.
- My husband.
- My... my husband.
- Sorry, that's... Yeah.
- It's my husband.
Both: Oh.
- I...
- What are you doing here?
- Hi.
- Hello.
Jear Bear, can you
go get my vape pen?
I left it in the car.
Oh, you're here together.
Yeah! You remember Jerry.
We all met at that restaurant.
It's nice to see you again.
It's nice to see you again...
also.
Kind of need that vape pen now.
Right. Sorry.
I love how strawberry
smoke smells in my hair.
I bet.
♪ A, B, C, 1, 2, 3,
baby, you and... ♪
Chins up.
Beautiful, ladies, perfect.
Ma'am, could you lean back?
There's a shadow on the bride.
Oh, sure.
How are you feeling?
Are you nervous?
No, just excited.
Listen, I filled my purse
with muscle relaxants
and anti-flatulent meds.
Oh, and if you're gonna puke,
you can use the purse.
Okay, thanks.
Told you I'd be a
good bridesmaid.
It's okay to be nervous,
if you are, you know?
I was totally nervous
at my wedding.
I was like, "Aah!
Should I run away?"
Wouldn't that be so funny
if you just, like, ran away
and went to college
or something?
I was just kidding.
What if we did our squad pose?
Yeah! Squad pose!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, okay...
- Dina, just...
- I'm sorry.
- Maybe lean...
- What?
- Just lean.
- I'm leaning.
- Lean in.
- I'm leaning!
Shadow.
I can't control the sun!
Yo, fellas, like,
"sinceriously," thank you
for attending my nuptials
and what-have-you-not.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
You know what? Like,
life is crazy.
I never thought I'd have so
many nerds at my wedding.
You know what I'm saying? Ha.
Ooh! Drama.
Amy's real husband.
Amy's work husband.
- Work husband?
- Huh.
- Should I be worried?
- No!
No, I mean... No, I got you.
Yeah, you look out!
Fight, fight, fight, fight!
Yeah, yeah, you are
Amy's work husband.
I see you two together,
like, all the time,
walking around, you know...
It's like he's got
wedding brain.
Sure. Okay.
Whoa! Easy on the shrimp!
Those are supposed
to be for everybody.
I only took a few.
Yeah, took a few hundred.
- All right, put that back.
- Okay.
Yo, keep this girl
away from the ocean!
That's where all
the shrimp's at.
These people aren't cogs
you can just throw away.
They're a family.
They talk. They stand around.
I guess that's all
they're doing right now.
I wish Jeff could see this.
Maybe I should invite Jeff here.
Yes.
You should definitely do that.
♪
What is he wearing?
He looks like a woman.
Bo?
Bo is a woman.
Oh?
Lesbians.
Big-time.
The whole world's going gay.
♪
Bigger steps.
You guys are killing our pace.
And one of you is wearing
too much Cool Water.
Yeah, that's me, Dina.
Aw, Amy looks beautiful.
Not my type.
Mm-mm. No, I only like
tall, blue-eyed blondes...
and shorter Asians,
but that is it.
♪
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today
to witness the union
of Cheyenne Taylor Lee
and Bilbo Derek Thompson
in holy matrimony,
to be joined as husband and wife
for all eternity.
No, I can't do this, okay? No.
Bo, stop it.
No, okay? I got to be free.
You can't chain me down!
Do you have to do
this right now?
Cheyenne, maybe
it's for the best.
No, what's up? This
can't wait, okay?
Okay, I can't stand up in
here and say all these words
about loving you forever.
But I can rap them.
Then we're gonna need
a sick-ass beat.
Spit fire, Minister
Funk-Ah-Khan!
Yeah! ♪ I'ma be
with you for life ♪
- ♪ For life! ♪ - ♪
I'm the husband ♪
- ♪ You da wife ♪ -
She's very charismatic.
♪ Not property ♪
♪ Topple the patriarch-ichy! ♪
Hey!
Ain't no way I'm getting
hitched to my ride-or-die
without my boys here
repping me, son.
What's up?
Yeah!
Auntie Beth! Oh, my!
So good to see you.
Are you getting
younger or prettier?
I can't tell.
- Ow!
- Relax, Bridezilla.
So, as your bridesmaid,
I'm supposed to come hold
your dress while you...
you know, piss and.
And I'm clocking you
in at three hours
since your last pit stop.
Um, I-I'm good, thank you.
Yeah.
For me, now is kind of perfect,
because those mini pizzas you
served earlier are just...
not sitting.
Okay, fine, I'll go.
Let's do this.
Oh! Table three.
Party table. Whoo!
- Whoo!
- Ooh-ah.
No, that... that's not
what we were doing.
Yeah, I know.
Um...
Oh, okay.
Uh, you know what? Maybe we
should sit somewhere else.
Pretty sure you're supposed
to sit at the table
they tell you to.
Okay, square.
I don't know how you
stayed married to her.
I didn't mean... That wasn't...
Um, cool!
Cool, cool.
All right.
How're we doing over here, huh?
What are you doing?
I just like to sit...
facing Elias.
Hey.
Table nine, the
buffet is now open.
Go wild.
You're making announcements?
Doesn't it feel like
you're just at work?
Well, what can I say, man?
I just love the power.
Table eight.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
Now you can go.
- Hey.
- There you are!
What's the emergency?
- Oh, my God.
- What?
You remember
Cheyenne, don't you?
She just got married.
Hi. Yes, this is your wedding.
So why would you...
I'm sorry that I'm...
I'm wearing shorts.
I was at a Frisbee golf thing.
- Cool.
- It's cool. It's cool.
Hey, fun fact about Cheyenne
is she's severely uneducated,
so her job's the only thing standing
between her and prostitution.
Now, let me introduce
you to some other peeps
who are right on
the poverty line.
I'm sorry about the...
- I never prostituted.
- No.
- What you have been...
- So how have...
Sorry.
You go.
How's your boyfriend?
We're not dating anymore.
Oh. Um...
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah.
I made him up.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Bye. Yeah. Here you go.
I need a super-embarrassing
story about you.
- Why?
- It's just for my speech.
And it's not essential,
but if it could rhyme with
"fellatio," that would be icing.
No, Dina, most of the bridesmaids
aren't giving toasts.
- I'm not.
- Well...
I mean, no offense,
but you're not funny.
I'm funny.
Sure, you're hilarious.
Come on.
Oh, my God. You
look so gorgeous.
The ceremony was beautiful.
Why the hell did
you invite Jeff?
I didn't. I think
he came with Glenn.
No, a-as a friend.
I'm not ready to talk
to Jeff right now.
Mateo, you think
I'm funny, right?
Uh-huh.
Attention, wedding guests,
specifically Bo's friends.
Just because I'm a DJ
does not mean I am
"carrying" Molly.
So please stop asking.
Thank you for
shopping at Cloud 9.
Damn it. Sorry. Force of habit.
Justine lives in a
studio apartment,
and she's 40, so obviously
a lot of need there.
- Excuse me.
- Okay.
Uh, Glenn.
- What?
- I'm... I'm gonna leave now.
- Why?
- Because this is a wedding
that I was not invited to.
Plus, I'm wearing shorts.
I didn't make you wear shorts.
Still, I'm just gonna...
- I got to go.
- No, no, no.
You can't leave
without saying hi
to Cheyenne's adorable daughter,
Harmonica.
And don't let those
chubby cheeks fool you.
If her parents can't keep
buying food for her...
she'll die.
I'm gonna show you
to somebody, yeah.
Wait.
What am I supposed
to do with this?
♪
Okay...
Mama.
What is his game?
He just shows up out of nowhere,
flashing those legs,
carrying a baby around.
I get it... you're
father material.
I mean, I hate kids,
but I love dads.
So do you always play the man?
Uh... yeah.
Yeah, most of the time.
Oh, that's... that's wonderful.
Yeah.
Oh, I see you went with
the Pink Cheyenne.
Yeah, it's Code Red,
vodka, and 13 cherries.
I'm kind of into it.
Oh, look. There you guys are.
Oh, that's cute.
Yeah, yeah.
But that is atypical, you know?
If you caught us
on a normal day,
she'd probably have her hands
around my neck, you know...
"Jonah, you screwed up again.
Go clean Softlines."
Okay, I don't talk like that.
Well, sometimes.
"Adam, wash your tennis shoes.
"They're disgusting."
Okay, well, they are disgusting
'cause there was a family of
spiders living in them, so...
Okay, well, they're my
shoes, and I paid for them,
so it's kind of none
of your business.
Yeah, well, I was just
asking you to be an adult
every now and then, so...
I know, but still.
Yeah, okay.
I'm Team Adam.
All right, ladies and gents.
I'm gonna get this thing
humming with a few jokes.
Dina, you really don't have to.
No, it's okay. It's okay.
I'm a bridesmaid.
It's part of my job.
All right, joke one...
marriage is a three-ring circus,
engagement ring,
wedding ring,
suffering.
So...
that was joke one.
♪
That's a grammar joke.
If English isn't
your first language,
that one may be lost on you.
Okay, next up...
what do you call a woman
who likes small penises?
- Hopefully Cheyenne.
- Okay.
I'm kidding. The little
ones tend to be...
All right, thank you, Dina,
for those beautiful and
appropriate words.
Yeah, well, good luck,
'cause this crowd blows!
Uh, hi.
I just wanted to say
congratulations to
Cheyenne and Bo.
Um...
uh, I... I love you, Cheyenne.
You remind me of me.
I-I also met my husband
in high school,
and we did the whole
"baby first" thing,
and then got married
because we had to.
I mean, not... Wah!
I didn't mean we had to.
I meant...
I meant we got pregnant
so we got married...
but, um, marriage is amazing!
I mean, is it hard work?
Yes. Duh.
Like, that's the cliché, right?
"Ah, it's so hard,"
because it is.
You know, one second
everything's great,
and then you step on some invisible
land mine, and you're fighting.
Boom! Ka-boom!
Uh...
'Cause it's hard. It's just...
It's hard.
But...
it is the hard
that makes it good.
That... that wasn't me.
That was from "A
League of Their Own."
Why did Madonna and Rosie
O'Donnell stop being friends?
I feel like something
happened there, right?
Maybe we should talk about that.
The desert table is now open
for anybody who would
like to stop talking.
But, okay, what
I'm trying to say
is that no matter
how tough it gets,
it's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be...
so...
fine.
You know?
Just give me the... Give it...
- But I...
- Give it to me.
You heard it here first, folks.
Marriage is fine.
Yikes.
Oh! Oh, you like the joke
about Amy's marriage?
'Cause I got a ton of those.
Amy's marriage is so bad...
all: How bad is it?
♪
Wow. You're a
really good dancer.
Thanks. You too.
♪
Hey, do you think Amy's okay?
Aw. You worried about
your work wife?
Me? No. No, I don't
even care about her.
No.
Hey. We should move in together.
What?
Dude, what is with you tonight?
♪
I'm tired. I think I
want to head out.
Okay, yeah.
I'll just say good-bye to
everybody, and we can go.
No, you should stay.
I'll grab a cab.
Adam.
Look, I'm sorry about
the toast, okay?
I-I-I didn't know what to say.
I just... I started rambling,
and then I couldn't
stop rambling.
I wasn't even...
Would you have married me if
we hadn't gotten pregnant?
♪
Would you have asked?
♪
Well, then what are we doing?
♪
- Thank you.
- Dina, this is for you.
What's this?
It's my bridesmaid gift,
just to say thank you.
Oh.
You're welcome.
You know what? Actually,
I don't feel comfortable
taking cheap jewelry
into my house.
One of the birds is
gonna get into it,
then it's another midnight
run to the urgent care.
So I think you should return
it and just give me the cash.
Thanks, girl.
Sometimes the headline will say,
"What happens next
is unbelievable,"
but then it's, like,
kind of underwhelming.
I know.
It's almost like they're trying
to trick me into clicking.
I'm tired. Let's go.
Already? They haven't
even cut the cake.
I've seen people
cut cake before.
Let's go.
I really enjoyed talking to you.
I really enjoyed
talking to you, too.
I can't start the
car with my mind!
Bye.
Bye.
♪
- Jeff!
- Shh.
This baby's asleep.
Have you been at the
wedding this entire time?
Yes.
You saw me when I came in, and
then I think we made eye contact
when we were both in line for
the bathroom a while ago.
I don't think so. I...
Anyway, um, it's
good to see you.
Not you. I hate you.
- What?
- Yeah!
You dumped me out of nowhere,
so of course I hate you.
It just sounds funny
because I'm whispering.
Because I don't want to
wake the baby up because...
And thank you.
Now she's awake.
You just can't stop hurting me.
Okay, here we go. I'm
gonna trade you.
You take her.
She doesn't like
to bounced, okay?
I hate you.
Not you. I love you.
♪
Hey.
Hi.
Just getting some fresh air.
Where's Kristen?
Uh, Kristen needed a break...
From me.
Where's Adam?
Uh, Adam went home.
♪
Ah.
Uh, well...
I'll... I'll leave you alone.
I think my marriage is over.
♪
That's the first time
I've said that out loud.
♪
Mm, you gonna say
something or...?
I don't know what to say.
Well, that's a first.
If anybody can get
through this, you can.
Okay.
No, no, I'm not... I'm
not just saying that.
You're... you're...
you're tough...
and, uh... and persistent
and decisive.
Mm. Kind of sounds like
you're calling me stubborn.
Yeah, well...
you are insanely stubborn and...
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- A little domineering...
- Uh-huh.
Caustic maybe.
- Caustic?
- Yeah.
When I catch you
before coffee time...
You're downright hostile.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're not wrong.
Yeah.
So just, like, in general, a
pretty unpleasant person.
- Yeah, pretty unpleasant, yeah.
- Okay.
Noted.
But you're also the most honest
person that I've ever met.
♪
And you're strong
and smart...
and funny,
and you're confident and caring,
and you're sexy and...
Um...
That... I didn't...
- No, I...
- I wasn't try...
- That was just me...
- Uh, yeah. No, I...
- I so didn't...
- No No
I had a few drinks.
It's fine. I just...
I think that it's time
to cut the cake, so...
I'm just... I'm gonna go inside.
Okay. Yeah.
Um... thank you.
Thanks, yeah.
♪
Hello.
Oh.
Did you forget something?
Yeah.
I forgot to do this.
Oh, um...
is it okay if I kiss you?
Okay.
♪
Hey, everyone, Bo and I
just want to say thanks
for making our wedding so dope.
Oh, and shout-out to Boonville
Women's Correctional Facility
for letting my mom Skype
in during the ceremony.
Where's Jeff?
Looks like he's leaving.
To see the love in here
and have my work family
and my real family
and my friend family
and my mall family and...
To piggyback on Cheyenne,
at Cloud 9, we're
not just coworkers.
We're a family.
Jeff, please don't make
me fire my family!
Right. Who's ready to
do the Chicken Dance?
wear to your wedding?
The invitation just
says, "Not basic."
You know, not basic.
I don't know how to explain
it more than that.
Yeah, like, Adam's
wearing a gray suit.
Mm, I mean, that's,
like, semi-basic,
but you guys are old.
No one's looking at you anyways.
I didn't know you
were bringing Adam.
Yeah, I thought your
marriage was, like,
No, it's fine.
We're in couples
counseling and it's fine,
and, please, nobody
be weird around him.,
- Okay?
- No...
I'm, like, super cazh.
And, please, nobody
say "super cazh,"
like, as a life rule.
Well, personally, I'm
gonna wear a polo dress.
All right? It's simple,
beautiful, elegant...
Oh, but then again,
I do have one
of Nancy Pelosi's old pantsuits.
I won it at an auction.
Do you think that
would be better?
I'm actually just wearing
my bridesmaid's dress.
You asked Amy to
be a bridesmaid,
but you didn't ask me?
What? Ohhh!
Uhhh...
- Yah!
- I get it.
Ah!
I just kind of always wanted
to be a bridesmaid, and I...
I don't know if I'll
ever get another chance.
I mean...
my sister's just so ugly.
All right, Dina...
you can be a bridesmaid.
Yes! Oh!
You will not regret this.
Okay, I'm gonna need
to see my dress asap,
in case I want to change
the cut or the color.
♪
Does this sound fancy to you?
Nah, just sounds like gold
clinking up against crystal.
What?
Those are two of the
most expensive things!
Relax, dude, it's
not a competition.
I just got something from the
"lost and found" bin at work.
I don't want people
spending money
they might not have tomorrow.
Corporate is making me
lay off six people.
Whoa. There's gonna be layoffs?
Shh!
I don't want anyone to know.
Okay, well, they're gonna find out
when the paychecks stop coming.
- I'll tell them tomorrow.
- Mm.
Cheyenne's wedding should
be a day of joy...
that people look
back on and say,
"I was happy that day.
That was the last
day I was happy."
- You look fine.
- Yeah? Fine?
Yeah, fine. Yeah, good, like...
like you always do.
- Nice, you look nice.
- Thanks.
You too.
I feel like everyone
is looking at us.
Maybe I shouldn't have come.
Adam, nobody's looking at us.
Adam!
Sorry. Adam.
Hey!
- How's it going, man?
- Good.
You know what? Come on,
let's bring it in here.
- Hey.
- Yeah!
It's good to see you.
What's up? What's new with you?
I mean, with work, not...
not personal stuff.
- Super cazh.
- No doubt.
Still unemployed, but...
Cool.
- I'm Kristen, by the way.
- Yes!
- That's Kristen.
- Hi.
- My husband.
- My... my husband.
- Sorry, that's... Yeah.
- It's my husband.
Both: Oh.
- I...
- What are you doing here?
- Hi.
- Hello.
Jear Bear, can you
go get my vape pen?
I left it in the car.
Oh, you're here together.
Yeah! You remember Jerry.
We all met at that restaurant.
It's nice to see you again.
It's nice to see you again...
also.
Kind of need that vape pen now.
Right. Sorry.
I love how strawberry
smoke smells in my hair.
I bet.
♪ A, B, C, 1, 2, 3,
baby, you and... ♪
Chins up.
Beautiful, ladies, perfect.
Ma'am, could you lean back?
There's a shadow on the bride.
Oh, sure.
How are you feeling?
Are you nervous?
No, just excited.
Listen, I filled my purse
with muscle relaxants
and anti-flatulent meds.
Oh, and if you're gonna puke,
you can use the purse.
Okay, thanks.
Told you I'd be a
good bridesmaid.
It's okay to be nervous,
if you are, you know?
I was totally nervous
at my wedding.
I was like, "Aah!
Should I run away?"
Wouldn't that be so funny
if you just, like, ran away
and went to college
or something?
I was just kidding.
What if we did our squad pose?
Yeah! Squad pose!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, okay...
- Dina, just...
- I'm sorry.
- Maybe lean...
- What?
- Just lean.
- I'm leaning.
- Lean in.
- I'm leaning!
Shadow.
I can't control the sun!
Yo, fellas, like,
"sinceriously," thank you
for attending my nuptials
and what-have-you-not.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
You know what? Like,
life is crazy.
I never thought I'd have so
many nerds at my wedding.
You know what I'm saying? Ha.
Ooh! Drama.
Amy's real husband.
Amy's work husband.
- Work husband?
- Huh.
- Should I be worried?
- No!
No, I mean... No, I got you.
Yeah, you look out!
Fight, fight, fight, fight!
Yeah, yeah, you are
Amy's work husband.
I see you two together,
like, all the time,
walking around, you know...
It's like he's got
wedding brain.
Sure. Okay.
Whoa! Easy on the shrimp!
Those are supposed
to be for everybody.
I only took a few.
Yeah, took a few hundred.
- All right, put that back.
- Okay.
Yo, keep this girl
away from the ocean!
That's where all
the shrimp's at.
These people aren't cogs
you can just throw away.
They're a family.
They talk. They stand around.
I guess that's all
they're doing right now.
I wish Jeff could see this.
Maybe I should invite Jeff here.
Yes.
You should definitely do that.
♪
What is he wearing?
He looks like a woman.
Bo?
Bo is a woman.
Oh?
Lesbians.
Big-time.
The whole world's going gay.
♪
Bigger steps.
You guys are killing our pace.
And one of you is wearing
too much Cool Water.
Yeah, that's me, Dina.
Aw, Amy looks beautiful.
Not my type.
Mm-mm. No, I only like
tall, blue-eyed blondes...
and shorter Asians,
but that is it.
♪
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today
to witness the union
of Cheyenne Taylor Lee
and Bilbo Derek Thompson
in holy matrimony,
to be joined as husband and wife
for all eternity.
No, I can't do this, okay? No.
Bo, stop it.
No, okay? I got to be free.
You can't chain me down!
Do you have to do
this right now?
Cheyenne, maybe
it's for the best.
No, what's up? This
can't wait, okay?
Okay, I can't stand up in
here and say all these words
about loving you forever.
But I can rap them.
Then we're gonna need
a sick-ass beat.
Spit fire, Minister
Funk-Ah-Khan!
Yeah! ♪ I'ma be
with you for life ♪
- ♪ For life! ♪ - ♪
I'm the husband ♪
- ♪ You da wife ♪ -
She's very charismatic.
♪ Not property ♪
♪ Topple the patriarch-ichy! ♪
Hey!
Ain't no way I'm getting
hitched to my ride-or-die
without my boys here
repping me, son.
What's up?
Yeah!
Auntie Beth! Oh, my!
So good to see you.
Are you getting
younger or prettier?
I can't tell.
- Ow!
- Relax, Bridezilla.
So, as your bridesmaid,
I'm supposed to come hold
your dress while you...
you know, piss and.
And I'm clocking you
in at three hours
since your last pit stop.
Um, I-I'm good, thank you.
Yeah.
For me, now is kind of perfect,
because those mini pizzas you
served earlier are just...
not sitting.
Okay, fine, I'll go.
Let's do this.
Oh! Table three.
Party table. Whoo!
- Whoo!
- Ooh-ah.
No, that... that's not
what we were doing.
Yeah, I know.
Um...
Oh, okay.
Uh, you know what? Maybe we
should sit somewhere else.
Pretty sure you're supposed
to sit at the table
they tell you to.
Okay, square.
I don't know how you
stayed married to her.
I didn't mean... That wasn't...
Um, cool!
Cool, cool.
All right.
How're we doing over here, huh?
What are you doing?
I just like to sit...
facing Elias.
Hey.
Table nine, the
buffet is now open.
Go wild.
You're making announcements?
Doesn't it feel like
you're just at work?
Well, what can I say, man?
I just love the power.
Table eight.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
Now you can go.
- Hey.
- There you are!
What's the emergency?
- Oh, my God.
- What?
You remember
Cheyenne, don't you?
She just got married.
Hi. Yes, this is your wedding.
So why would you...
I'm sorry that I'm...
I'm wearing shorts.
I was at a Frisbee golf thing.
- Cool.
- It's cool. It's cool.
Hey, fun fact about Cheyenne
is she's severely uneducated,
so her job's the only thing standing
between her and prostitution.
Now, let me introduce
you to some other peeps
who are right on
the poverty line.
I'm sorry about the...
- I never prostituted.
- No.
- What you have been...
- So how have...
Sorry.
You go.
How's your boyfriend?
We're not dating anymore.
Oh. Um...
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah.
I made him up.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Bye. Yeah. Here you go.
I need a super-embarrassing
story about you.
- Why?
- It's just for my speech.
And it's not essential,
but if it could rhyme with
"fellatio," that would be icing.
No, Dina, most of the bridesmaids
aren't giving toasts.
- I'm not.
- Well...
I mean, no offense,
but you're not funny.
I'm funny.
Sure, you're hilarious.
Come on.
Oh, my God. You
look so gorgeous.
The ceremony was beautiful.
Why the hell did
you invite Jeff?
I didn't. I think
he came with Glenn.
No, a-as a friend.
I'm not ready to talk
to Jeff right now.
Mateo, you think
I'm funny, right?
Uh-huh.
Attention, wedding guests,
specifically Bo's friends.
Just because I'm a DJ
does not mean I am
"carrying" Molly.
So please stop asking.
Thank you for
shopping at Cloud 9.
Damn it. Sorry. Force of habit.
Justine lives in a
studio apartment,
and she's 40, so obviously
a lot of need there.
- Excuse me.
- Okay.
Uh, Glenn.
- What?
- I'm... I'm gonna leave now.
- Why?
- Because this is a wedding
that I was not invited to.
Plus, I'm wearing shorts.
I didn't make you wear shorts.
Still, I'm just gonna...
- I got to go.
- No, no, no.
You can't leave
without saying hi
to Cheyenne's adorable daughter,
Harmonica.
And don't let those
chubby cheeks fool you.
If her parents can't keep
buying food for her...
she'll die.
I'm gonna show you
to somebody, yeah.
Wait.
What am I supposed
to do with this?
♪
Okay...
Mama.
What is his game?
He just shows up out of nowhere,
flashing those legs,
carrying a baby around.
I get it... you're
father material.
I mean, I hate kids,
but I love dads.
So do you always play the man?
Uh... yeah.
Yeah, most of the time.
Oh, that's... that's wonderful.
Yeah.
Oh, I see you went with
the Pink Cheyenne.
Yeah, it's Code Red,
vodka, and 13 cherries.
I'm kind of into it.
Oh, look. There you guys are.
Oh, that's cute.
Yeah, yeah.
But that is atypical, you know?
If you caught us
on a normal day,
she'd probably have her hands
around my neck, you know...
"Jonah, you screwed up again.
Go clean Softlines."
Okay, I don't talk like that.
Well, sometimes.
"Adam, wash your tennis shoes.
"They're disgusting."
Okay, well, they are disgusting
'cause there was a family of
spiders living in them, so...
Okay, well, they're my
shoes, and I paid for them,
so it's kind of none
of your business.
Yeah, well, I was just
asking you to be an adult
every now and then, so...
I know, but still.
Yeah, okay.
I'm Team Adam.
All right, ladies and gents.
I'm gonna get this thing
humming with a few jokes.
Dina, you really don't have to.
No, it's okay. It's okay.
I'm a bridesmaid.
It's part of my job.
All right, joke one...
marriage is a three-ring circus,
engagement ring,
wedding ring,
suffering.
So...
that was joke one.
♪
That's a grammar joke.
If English isn't
your first language,
that one may be lost on you.
Okay, next up...
what do you call a woman
who likes small penises?
- Hopefully Cheyenne.
- Okay.
I'm kidding. The little
ones tend to be...
All right, thank you, Dina,
for those beautiful and
appropriate words.
Yeah, well, good luck,
'cause this crowd blows!
Uh, hi.
I just wanted to say
congratulations to
Cheyenne and Bo.
Um...
uh, I... I love you, Cheyenne.
You remind me of me.
I-I also met my husband
in high school,
and we did the whole
"baby first" thing,
and then got married
because we had to.
I mean, not... Wah!
I didn't mean we had to.
I meant...
I meant we got pregnant
so we got married...
but, um, marriage is amazing!
I mean, is it hard work?
Yes. Duh.
Like, that's the cliché, right?
"Ah, it's so hard,"
because it is.
You know, one second
everything's great,
and then you step on some invisible
land mine, and you're fighting.
Boom! Ka-boom!
Uh...
'Cause it's hard. It's just...
It's hard.
But...
it is the hard
that makes it good.
That... that wasn't me.
That was from "A
League of Their Own."
Why did Madonna and Rosie
O'Donnell stop being friends?
I feel like something
happened there, right?
Maybe we should talk about that.
The desert table is now open
for anybody who would
like to stop talking.
But, okay, what
I'm trying to say
is that no matter
how tough it gets,
it's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be...
so...
fine.
You know?
Just give me the... Give it...
- But I...
- Give it to me.
You heard it here first, folks.
Marriage is fine.
Yikes.
Oh! Oh, you like the joke
about Amy's marriage?
'Cause I got a ton of those.
Amy's marriage is so bad...
all: How bad is it?
♪
Wow. You're a
really good dancer.
Thanks. You too.
♪
Hey, do you think Amy's okay?
Aw. You worried about
your work wife?
Me? No. No, I don't
even care about her.
No.
Hey. We should move in together.
What?
Dude, what is with you tonight?
♪
I'm tired. I think I
want to head out.
Okay, yeah.
I'll just say good-bye to
everybody, and we can go.
No, you should stay.
I'll grab a cab.
Adam.
Look, I'm sorry about
the toast, okay?
I-I-I didn't know what to say.
I just... I started rambling,
and then I couldn't
stop rambling.
I wasn't even...
Would you have married me if
we hadn't gotten pregnant?
♪
Would you have asked?
♪
Well, then what are we doing?
♪
- Thank you.
- Dina, this is for you.
What's this?
It's my bridesmaid gift,
just to say thank you.
Oh.
You're welcome.
You know what? Actually,
I don't feel comfortable
taking cheap jewelry
into my house.
One of the birds is
gonna get into it,
then it's another midnight
run to the urgent care.
So I think you should return
it and just give me the cash.
Thanks, girl.
Sometimes the headline will say,
"What happens next
is unbelievable,"
but then it's, like,
kind of underwhelming.
I know.
It's almost like they're trying
to trick me into clicking.
I'm tired. Let's go.
Already? They haven't
even cut the cake.
I've seen people
cut cake before.
Let's go.
I really enjoyed talking to you.
I really enjoyed
talking to you, too.
I can't start the
car with my mind!
Bye.
Bye.
♪
- Jeff!
- Shh.
This baby's asleep.
Have you been at the
wedding this entire time?
Yes.
You saw me when I came in, and
then I think we made eye contact
when we were both in line for
the bathroom a while ago.
I don't think so. I...
Anyway, um, it's
good to see you.
Not you. I hate you.
- What?
- Yeah!
You dumped me out of nowhere,
so of course I hate you.
It just sounds funny
because I'm whispering.
Because I don't want to
wake the baby up because...
And thank you.
Now she's awake.
You just can't stop hurting me.
Okay, here we go. I'm
gonna trade you.
You take her.
She doesn't like
to bounced, okay?
I hate you.
Not you. I love you.
♪
Hey.
Hi.
Just getting some fresh air.
Where's Kristen?
Uh, Kristen needed a break...
From me.
Where's Adam?
Uh, Adam went home.
♪
Ah.
Uh, well...
I'll... I'll leave you alone.
I think my marriage is over.
♪
That's the first time
I've said that out loud.
♪
Mm, you gonna say
something or...?
I don't know what to say.
Well, that's a first.
If anybody can get
through this, you can.
Okay.
No, no, I'm not... I'm
not just saying that.
You're... you're...
you're tough...
and, uh... and persistent
and decisive.
Mm. Kind of sounds like
you're calling me stubborn.
Yeah, well...
you are insanely stubborn and...
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- A little domineering...
- Uh-huh.
Caustic maybe.
- Caustic?
- Yeah.
When I catch you
before coffee time...
You're downright hostile.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're not wrong.
Yeah.
So just, like, in general, a
pretty unpleasant person.
- Yeah, pretty unpleasant, yeah.
- Okay.
Noted.
But you're also the most honest
person that I've ever met.
♪
And you're strong
and smart...
and funny,
and you're confident and caring,
and you're sexy and...
Um...
That... I didn't...
- No, I...
- I wasn't try...
- That was just me...
- Uh, yeah. No, I...
- I so didn't...
- No No
I had a few drinks.
It's fine. I just...
I think that it's time
to cut the cake, so...
I'm just... I'm gonna go inside.
Okay. Yeah.
Um... thank you.
Thanks, yeah.
♪
Hello.
Oh.
Did you forget something?
Yeah.
I forgot to do this.
Oh, um...
is it okay if I kiss you?
Okay.
♪
Hey, everyone, Bo and I
just want to say thanks
for making our wedding so dope.
Oh, and shout-out to Boonville
Women's Correctional Facility
for letting my mom Skype
in during the ceremony.
Where's Jeff?
Looks like he's leaving.
To see the love in here
and have my work family
and my real family
and my friend family
and my mall family and...
To piggyback on Cheyenne,
at Cloud 9, we're
not just coworkers.
We're a family.
Jeff, please don't make
me fire my family!
Right. Who's ready to
do the Chicken Dance?