Superstore (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 19 - Spring Cleaning - full transcript

So, Bo, what makes you interested
in a career at Cloud 9?

Money.

Oh, sure, sure... money.

We've got the baby,
and, you know,

we're saving up for a wedding,
and it's really expensive.

- Our theme is "Sick as Hell."
- Oh.

Or maybe it's gonna
be "Dope as Ass."

We're still kinda
deciding on that,

- you know what I'm saying? But together.
- Aww.

Okay, well, why don't you tell me a
little bit about your work experience?

On your application,
you said, uh,



"DJ, player's player,"

and you drew a picture
of a skateboard.

Yeah, that's my tag.
It's what up.

Bo doesn't have a lot
of work experience,

- but he's a great dad...
- Yeah.

And he's good with people.

Yo, and I roll the
fattest Js, so...

Okay, uh, where do you see
yourself in the future?

Future... okay. So for real,

I've given this actually,
like, a lot of thought.

It's like, there's
no government,

there's no laws, and
I'm the head of, like,

this roving murder
gang kinda thing,

but my best friend is a robot.



He means... where do you
see yourself at Cloud 9?

Oh... yo, I'm not in this

for long term at all, you
know what I'm saying?

I'm just here to make
some paper, then bounce.

Yo, but don't tell that

to the bozos in
charge of hiring.

Um, Glenn is in
charge of hiring.

Oh, cool, okay.

Yeah, I'm here for
a long time, so...

S02E09 - Spring Cleaning Synced
and corrected by hawken45

Okay, let's give a
warm first-day welcome

to our newest employee,
Bo Thompson...

What's up?

Who apparently wasn't filled
in about the dress code.

Why does his middle
finger look so weird?

Oh, it's a penis. Ha, clever.

Bo, maybe you should change.

Change into what?

Where am I supposed to
find another shirt?

We work in a store.

Okay, moving on.

Uh, today, we're gonna
be spring cleaning,

which is gonna be
buckets of fun.

What? That's... that was funny.

No, it wasn't.

Literally nobody
laughed, except for you.

It's barely even wordplay.

He just said buckets,
and held up a bucket.

It's called prop comedy, Dina.

You're just kissing up to him,
'cause you're dating his daughter.

That's not true at all. In
fact, just this morning,

Kristen said she respects
how much I don't kiss up.

Where did you see
Kristen this morning?

Hm?

We, uh, met for breakfast.

Wait, I'm confused, 'cause
it's 6:30 right now.

So does that mean you got up
and drove from your house,

and she got up and
drove from her house

to meet for breakfast
before 6:00 a.m.?

That's what happened.

And what restaurant is open at,
like, 4:00 in the morning?

It was a gas station.

Gas station breakfast
usually starts at 6:00.

- Was this BP or Mobil?
- Oh, I don't-I don't remember.

Nah, fools, they're banging.

- You know what I'm saying?
- Oh.

He's getting a little
breakfast action.

Yeah.

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ Duke gonna get 'em ♪

♪ Go get 'em Duke ♪

♪ Duke gonna get 'em ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ Get loose go ahead and do it ♪

♪ Hold up wait a minute ♪

♪ Let me get into it

♪ Get loose go ahead and do it ♪

♪ Hold up wait a minute ♪

♪ Let me get into it ♪

Wow, someone just never
picked up their photos.

What do we do? Do
we just toss them?

Uh, well, first, we look
for any naked pictures,

and I will be doing that.

Dressed, dressed...

- Hey, Glenn.
- Dressed.

Landscape. Dressed.

Do you feel good about
how that just went?

I don't get it.

Normally, my girlfriends'
dads love me.

I still keep in touch
with most of them.

I just took Naomi's dad
to a train museum.

Oh, here we go. Nope,
that's just two peaches.

Jonah, relax. Glenn likes you.

Yeah, but he doesn't
seemed jazzed, you know.

I want him... I want
him to be jazzed.

Just stop trying so hard.

Eventually, he'll be...
I'm not gonna say jazzed.

He's... he's gonna
be fine with it.

Does that look like a piece
of a butt to you guys?

There's a lot of butts
on the Internet.

Have you tried looking there?

It's too easy. I like the hunt.

You just scan the barcode,

and it shows you how many
units we have in inventory.

Ha! Oh, yo, Cheyenne to the
boneyard immediately STAT.

- Ha-ha, yeah.
- Charming.

Can we just get back to
the scanning, though?

Oh, I'll get back to it.
Boom! Headshot.

- Stop!
- One shot, one kill.

- Would you...
- Pew-pew-pew-pew-pew-pew-pew.

Do you wanna learn
this stuff or not?

What, this? Psh, not really...
no.

I'm just here to make a quick
5 Gs, and then bounce,

you know what I'm saying?
How long is it gonna take?

Like a week, or something?

Ha...

All right, what's so funny?
What, somebody fart?

Oh. Hey, Myrtle.

- You've been here for 30 years?
- Yep.

Okay, how much money
have you saved?

Almost $900.

I'm almost ready to head
on out to California.

I feel like I know this girl.

Or maybe she worked here.

Oh, yeah, she does
look familiar.

I was just focused on the
neck down before, so...

Hey, Tate, do you
recognize this girl?

Like, maybe she worked here in
the last ten years or something.

Hm.

Oh, yeah, was the the
one on Fluoxetine?

No.

That was Carol.

Oh, maybe lithium.

No.

No, that was also Carol.

Yeah, Carol is what we in the
medical profession call a...

Cuckoo.

- You can just say no.
- Yeah, no, I don't know her.

Ooh, hey, let me know
when you need, uh,

refills on that skin stuff.

Um, no... you were
thinking of Carol.

- He's thinking of Carol.
- Mm.

You can't give up
on your first day.

Just give it a little
bit more time, okay?

It's like... how are they
gonna pay us so little

for all this work
we're doing, huh?

Cheyenne, I have your change.

Great.

$100, $200, $300, $400...

Keep on spending, sheep.

$500, $600, $700, $800...

- Hey, Glenn.
- Oh.

Brought you a cup of Joe.

Coffee... cup of Joe.

You've never heard that
expression before?

No, why wouldn't you
just say coffee?

I don't know. Uh, it's more fun?

Oh... oh, okay.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Oh, it's black.
- Oh, yeah, sorry.

I didn't know how you took it.

It's fine, it's fine.

Yeah, it's fine.

So, what's going on? What's up?

Um... uh, nothing.

Well, I was just
about to eat lunch.

Oh, no kidding, I was just
about to eat my lunch too

at, uh, 10:30.

How 'bout we, uh... how about
we eat together, you know?

- You wanna eat lunch with me?
- Yeah!

Yeah, it'll give us a
chance to talk, you know,

get to know each other.
It'll be fun.

Okay.

Let me... let me just
finish this coffee.

You know, you don't
have to finish that.

No, I love it.

If... if you don't, it's
not gonna offend me.

I just wanna get it over with.

Um...

I'll have a hot dog.

Sorry, we don't have hot dogs.

Cheeseburger then.

We only really serve
Mexican food.

One Mexican cheeseburger.

We'll have two beef
quesadillas, please.

You got it.

- Quesadilla?
- Mm-hmm.

Quesadilla.

It's colorful in here.

Yeah.

This is fun. Why haven't
we done this before?

You know what, I don't know.
It's... it's really nice

to get to know each
other outside of work.

Exactly.

- Ask me anything.
- Uh, okay.

Where were you born?

Kansas City.

Oh.

Do Jewish people like snow?

Um... some of us.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- Your turn.
- Uh, do you have any siblings?

Oh, what a strange question.

Um, yeah, four.

Uh, what's the biggest dog
you've ever seen, and why?

Okay, try Veronica Harris.

She quit in 2011.

Veronica Harris.

Oh, no, it's definitely
not Veronica.

Oh, Veronica.

How is she doing?

- Prison.
- What?

Another one went to prison?

- Yeah, we're kind of a feeder.
- Ugh, okay, um...

try Robin Sanders.

Both: Ooh, no.

Not Robin. Meth hit her hard.

God, why do people do it?

My guess... it feels incredible.

Yo, let's say, like,
someone, like, got in here

and took all that oxi,
and, like, got out.

How do they, like, move that,
you know what I'm saying?

Easy, you just go to the
nearest playground,

and just sell the whole
stash to some rich moms.

Yeah, all that pressure
to get their bods back

after pregnancy... it's
gotta go somewhere, huh?

My marriage is over.

- They're deeply unhappy.
- Bo, um...

you're not assigned to pharmacy.
What are you doing here?

Oh, no reason. I'm just
hanging with my boy.

Okay, 'cause it's a
really good thing

that you have this job,

and I wouldn't want
you to mess it up.

No, don't worry,
baby, all right?

- Yo, thanks for the info, Dr. S.
- No problem.

Uh...

Real talk for a sec?

- Yeah.
- I'm jealous of your mustache.

Blesses and riches.

- This was fun.
- I know, right?

I-I'm so glad we did this.

- Me too.
- Dessert?

Uh, do you have a Mexican
version of a churro?

Um, I think we can put
something together for you.

You know what, actually, uh,

I-I think we should
probably head back.

My break just ended
five minutes ago.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Well, why don't
we call the boss?

Hello, Glenn, it's Glenn.

Can Jonah have an
extra long lunch?

What, he can? That's great.

You're the best. Bye.

I'm Glenn... same Glenn.
I mean, I'm both Glenns.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, you know, Glenn,
I-I appreciate it,

but if... if you make
an exception for me,

and then the other
associates notice,

they're probably
gonna get jealous,

and it'll get weird, so...

I didn't think of it like that.

I know. If I could,

I would hang out all day,

but, you know, life.

Yeah, life.

- I'll get the check.
- All right.

Excuse me, sir, do you take
American dollars here?

Well, this has escalated.

I-I just feel like there's
gotta be something

that tells us who she is,

like a stack of mail
with an address on it,

or... or... or... or like a...
a car with a license plate,

and we can run the plate.

Okay, explain to me the process

by which we would run a plate.

We would call someone
on the force.

The force?

Yes, that is what
people call it.

Look, I am all for wasting
time on useless activities,

but this is entering
Carol territory.

Look at that kitchen, Garrett.

That's like a... a
million dollar kitchen.

Aren't you the least bit curious

about how someone who
used to work here

ended up in a house like that?

Is that a solid oak table?

Looks like a solid oak table.

- And a French press.
- That is a French press.

Do you know how much
disposable time you need

to make French press coffee?
Too much.

We're gonna need to make
these a lot bigger.

Yes.

♪

Hey, no one's allowed in here.

Yeah, I got... I got
lost and stuff, so...

Oh, hey, this is, like,
real badass, you know.

This is like CTU
headquarters or something.

You're like Jack Bauer,
you know what I'm saying?

I don't know that

I could actually do
everything that he...

You know what? No.
Accept the compliment.

Thank you.

Yeah, you got a tough
job, for real.

You know, there's, like, a lot
of dangerous people out there.

You got gang bangers running
around, Slender Man.

Whoa, oh, where is he? You
know what I'm saying?

Oh, ISISes.

I worry about ISIS all the time.

You know, people spend so much
time watching the coasts.

You know where they're
gonna strike first?

Right here in the heartland.

Yeah, what's up, truth?

So I'm, like, thinking, like,

I wanna learn about all this,
you know what I'm saying?

You know, like, the
cameras and the locks

and the alarms and all that.

- Fellow security buff, huh?
- Yeah.

Ha, who knew? Here I thought

you were nothing more than
a worthless dirt bag.

Nah, I contain multitudes, yo.

Hey, you wanted to see me?

I just talked to
corporate, and they said

as long as I don't give
you a raise of any kind,

I can make you my assistant.

Now we get to hang out all day.

Uh, this is a shock.

11 Mississippi, 12
Mississippi, 13.

Uh, he says to count to 13.

He likes it more as a slurry.

So as his assistant, do
you have to wear the tie?

Uh, no.

He... he said it... it...

it makes it easier for the
two of us to play pranks.

Well, on the bright side, he's
now good and jazzed, yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

I just love the tie.

- It makes me so happy.
- Glad to hear that.

So are you his
assistant now forever?

No, no... no... no, just, like,

until Kristen and I break up.

But what happens if
you guys get married?

Oh, well, then...
well, then, uh...

I guess until Glenn dies.

The tie just makes
me so happy, man.

I mean, it's like you're a
little, tiny businessman.

Only about half
the cameras work.

The rest are just deterrents.

But the thieves don't know
where the blind spots are.

Oh, he's totally packing, right?

Oh, no, no, Reggie can't
hold an actual weapon.

And as a matter of fact,
between you and I,

he's almost completely blind.

What do you think is
going on over there?

I don't know.

Whoo! God...

why is that so satisfying?

We're probably gonna have

a lot of inside
jokes, aren't we?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

What do you think our
first one should be?

I'm gonna go to the men's room.

Me too! Look at this.

Our cycles are
synching up already.

Okay, that tree
outside the window...

it's a sycamore tree.

Great, now all we need to know

is where sycamore trees grow.

Okay, sycamores... they grow in
the Southern parts of Missouri.

Missouri.

Large swaths of the
Eastern Seaboard.

There's no sycamores
on the West Coast.

- Okay...
- Except for Washington state.

And there's a large group
of them in Australia.

We got nothing.

I don't get it. Where
do we know her from?

- Which one goes where?
- I don't know.

I couldn't find the
reference photos.

Did you check up your butt?

No.

- You going yet?
- No, still not yet.

- Oh.
- You know, I...

I-I could probably meet
you back in the office.

Oh, I don't mind.

Hey, what do you think about

going to a baseball game
with me this weekend?

- Yeah, that... I'd love that.
- Yeah?

Yeah. Of course, you know,

the other employees might think

that you're playing
favorites, so...

We don't have to tell them.

Right, but then it gets,
you know, even weirder,

because it's like...
now we're lying,

so it'd be... it'd be a
whole thing, trust me.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Boy, when you finally go,

it's really gonna be
something, isn't it?

Yeah.

Hey, Dina.

How are things going with Bo?

Uh, is he doing okay?

Doing okay? He's a surv-head.

Sorry, surveillance head.

I forgot you weren't
a surv-head.

Oh. Okay.

Um, but is he, like, acting
a little weird around you?

You mean how he wants
to have sex with me?

- Uh...
- Listen, relax, okay?

I'm not interested.
Not enough body hair.

He looks like a newborn mouse.

Oh... okay, good.

You should really have a
little more trust in your man.

Yeah.

You're right. I
should trust him.

Thanks.

And listen, if he masturbates
to me on his lunch break,

that's his business, okay?

It's not my fault.

Okay.

So corporate sent me two tickets

to this weekend's
Cardinals game,

so I'm gonna pick one
employee to go with me...

completely at random.

So all your names are in here,
and it's time to pick now.

Is it Saturday or Sunday,
'cause I-I actually have...

It doesn't matter, Sandra.

- I'm cremating my dog.
- Jonah!

- You didn't even read it.
- I glanced at it.

I did not see you glance at it.

Congratulations, Jonah! Yeah!

So, uh, if you, uh, see
us on the jumbotron,

this is how that happened.

You know what, I'm
worried about traffic.

Maybe you guys should
head down there early,

- and make a day out of it.
- Yeah.

That's a great idea.

Uh, yeah, you know what, uh, I
am all booked up this weekend.

Oh...

well, I didn't literally
mean, like, this weekend.

I-I meant, like, um,

when this nearest weekend
is over, then that weekend.

Uh, oh, well, uh,
this is frustrating.

I am booked up then too.

I'll go. I love b-ball.

Oh, yeah, that's what
they call baseball.

No, nobody else is going.

Jonah won, so Jonah's
coming with me.

No, Glenn, I did...
I didn't win.

- I... somebody else should...
- No, you won.

- No, I didn't win... I clearly...
- Fair and square.

- But I can't do it, Glenn.
- No, you...

I'm sure you can
move stuff around.

I'm completely booked
up, and then I can't.

- I can't go.
- Winners go, losers don't go.

Glenn, I don't wanna
hang out with you.

All right, looks like I'm in.

Oh, one condition,

uh, if I catch a foul ball,
I'm not giving it to a kid.

I respect that.

Uh, Glenn, I just came by to...
to return this.

- Eugene?
- Thank you.

- Ahem, Glen?
- Thanks.

I'll put this on
my new assistant.

Hey, so, listen,

I'm sorry I lied about
wanting to hang out.

Your breath is warm.

Uh, hey, Eugene, could...
could we maybe have a minute?

- Of course.
- Thanks.

Glen, I, uh...

I get that you felt weird

about me dating Kristen,

and... I don't know...
I guess I just thought

if we spent some time together,
maybe I could win you over.

I get it.

It's tricky.

I mean, you're
dating my daughter,

and I'm a strong alpha.

No, yeah, yeah, exactly.

But please, from now on,
just be honest with me.

Absolutely. You have my word.

Okay.

Hey, did Kristen sleep over
at your apartment last night?

No, we met for breakfast at 4:00 a.m.
at a gas station.

Thanks, that's what I thought.

Even if we never
find out who she is,

isn't it nice to know
that at least one person

who worked here didn't
end up on drugs,

or in prison, or
fused to a couch?

Mm, the future is bright.

Yep, I can smell the
French press coffee now.

Eh, why wait?

Don't we sell one of those French
presses here in the store?

What?

She's a Cloud 9 model.

Yep.

You still want to pick
up the French press?

Nope.

You know, I do think I have
seen that woman naked, though.

Yeah, you think you've
seen everyone naked.

I can't believe I doubted him.

I mean, he's the
father of my child.

Do you think this is
chocolate sauce or blood?

Chocolate.

I mean, maybe something's
wrong with me.

Maybe I can't trust the
people in my life,

because of my
relationship with my dad.

Um, Cheyenne...

Yep, it is blood.

Whoa. Oh, hey, boo.

I can't believe you.

What? No, no, no, it's not
what you think, okay?

I was just gonna hide out
here until the store closes,

and then I was gonna
rob the place.

That is what I thought
you were doing!

Wow, you know, I love how
you know me so well.

We could probably both get
fired from you doing this.

Did you even realize how
this would affect me?

Yeah, I was doing
this for you, okay?

So our wedding would
be sick as hell.

It would have, like,
peacocks and Flo Rida

and dope-ass peonies.

I don't need all that.

Really?

Let's just have a
nice, simple wedding,

and then we save up our money,

we can spend it on
something important,

like one of those Jacuzzis
with the purple lights,

or those gold teeth that
you've always wanted.

Damn, girl, you're
too good for me.

Totally.

Attention, y'all are
bitch ass hoes.

I quit!

I'm keeping the vest.
Oh, no, you're not.

No, no, okay, hold on, hold on.

Just let... let me get if off!

Putting it down, boss.

Oh! Just kidding! Suck it!

Oh!

I quit. Did you hear that?

Glenn Sturgis's office?

Hi, Jeff, let me see if
I can get him for you.

- I have Jeff for you.
- Thank you.

- Hi, Jeff.
- Hey, I have some bad news.

Uh, the headline is every branch

is gonna have to lay off
10% of its workforce.

So... um...

Should I go tell everybody?

Glenn?