SunTrap (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Big Sleep - full transcript

~ ♪ Freak out!
~ (Le freak, c'est chic)
~ Freak out! ♪

I love this place.

Good times, Woodster.
Good times, son.

I can't believe you haven't
brought me here before.

Well, to be honest, I only found
out about it myself tonight.

It's perfect!

There's just one thing slightly
ruining it for me though.

What's that?

I can see your knickers.

Oh, that's fine. Sexy undies
are part of the dress code,

although I don't think the bouncers would
be too keen on your chicken legs.



You could be right.

By the way, that lipstick
really brings out your eyes.

Thanks, mate! I think those chicken wings
really do something to your hair.

Cheers, B.

It's just a shame this place
has a no-wings policy.

~ Could be a problem.
~ We should distract them.

How?

Kiss me!

I thought you'd never ask.

Ready? Three, two, one...

And you're back with me.

Any requests?

Si!

Any other requests?



Yes, er, "Great
Fernando", I have one,

tell the boss to give me a raise.

You will give a significant raise
to your tall, gormless barman.

Who? Where am I?

Look at me, look at me.

~ Tell me, what is YOUR name?
~ Brutus.

And you are?

♪ I can be wilder than the wind

♪ 119mph

♪ I'm in a whole other dimension

♪ Dancing doubles on the floor

♪ You think I'm crazy,
a little bit hazy

♪ But I'm stone-cold...

♪ I can be wilder than the wind

♪ 119mph

♪ I'm in a whole other dimension

♪ Dancing doubles on the floor

♪ You think I'm crazy,
a little bit hazy

♪ But I'm stone-cold... ♪

One bottle of beer for "Mr Chicken".

Mr Chicken? Good one, Zorro.
Did you write that yourself?

We worked on it together,

kind of joint effort,
to be honest. Boom!

Er, "Boom".

I LOVE the hypnotist convention,
it is my favourite time of the year.

You say that, I can't shake the
sight of you in that lingerie,

like two bags of wet pastry caught
in a couple of fishing nets.

Oh, stop it, you're making me hungry.

Does anything not make you hungry?

There you go, Great Fernando, two
margaritas, bottle of brandy, 55 euros.

Yes, I have your money right here.

Here is your 55 euros and...

one for yourself.

Ta very much. Enjoy!

Hey, see what I mean?
What a great bunch.

Zorro, while I remember, I've been
thinking about giving you a raise.

Have you, boss? Oh, that comes
as a complete surprise.

There you go, son.

No, boss, this is too much!

But somehow it's not enough.

Hang on, B, why don't you give
it to him in smaller notes?

Yeah, yeah, no problem.

There you go, son. Fill your boots!

Thank you, boss. I owe you one.

Yes, you do. Remember,
your words, not mine.

Hello there, what can I do you for?

Actually, I need some help with
a delicate matter and, well...

Go on, Mark, tell him.

People round here say you're
the man we should talk to.

~ I'm all ears.
~ No, there's definitely
more to you than that.

It's a thick shirt.

'So, it turns out that hypnotism isn't
always just a bit of harmless fun.

'Mark was a hypnotist
here for the convention,

'and he performed the previous
evening at the Hotel Vestivo.

'He was doing his usual act,
it was all going as planned,

'but this was a hypnotist convention
crowd, they were connoisseurs,

'they expected more. Mark's usual
shtick wasn't playing well.'

He usually goes down a storm.

He really is a marvellous hypnotist.

Sorry, you are...?

Oh, Janice. I'm his rock.

~ She's my rock.
~ Janice is Mark's rock.

And my wife.

Janice is Mark's rock and his wife.

Rock, wife. Got it.

~ So what did you do?
~ Well, I had to mix up the act,

so I tried something
I've never done before.

Body popping, good choice.

Ignore him.

'Mark hypnotised an audience
member to believe

'he was involved in an armed
robbery, with Mark as the robber

'and the hypnotised man as the cop.

'But something spooked him.'

'As he left the theatre, the
hypnotised man screamed...'

"You won't get away with
this, lowlife scum!"

"I'm coming back! I'm going
to shoot you dead!"

That was right, wasn't it, Mark?

Yes, Janice.

So, it's the old "Tracking Down
The Fella Your Fella Hypnotised

To Kill Him, Before The Other Fella Finds
Your Fella And Shoots Him Dead" story?

Exactly.

We need to get him back
so Mark can deprogram him

before he can cause any harm.

Wow!

~ What you thinking, Wood?
~ I'm thinking that's a nice ring.

Mark was given that when he joined
the Guild Of Hypnotists.

They gave you a ring?
It must be serious.

Has he even been listening to me?

He may look like an idiot and act
like an idiot and be an idiot,

but he was definitely listening.

So can you help us?

Why haven't you gone to the police?

We'd rather keep this under
the radar, if possible.

This one mistake could
kill his career.

So what does our man look like?

My wife has done a drawing. Janice?

This was the man.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Don't worry, we'll find him.

I can't tell you what
a relief that is.

Oh, here's Mark's card.

"The Fabulous Mark"!

Fabulous. Don't worry, Fabulous
Mark, we'll be in touch.

Fabulous!

Oh, oh, one thing before you go,
I've heard that it is possible

to use hypnosis to help with,
how can I put this...

Your weight problem?

Weight problem! Get him! Good one.

I'm in the best shape of my life.

Technically, that's not a shape.

Bless him! I don't
have a weight problem.

Then what's it about?

It's my weight problem. I was thinking, seeing
as you're a hypnotist, you could maybe...

Yeah, well, I can hypnotise
you right now if you like.

Baby, do you think that's a good idea
after everything you've been through?

~ I think Mark needs a rest.
~ I could do with a rest.

No, you're right. Yeah,
stupid idea, forget it.

I'll head off down to the gym
and do it the old-fashioned way.

~ So you want to lose weight?
~ Yeah, can you do it?

Not a problem. Let's get started.

Whoa. How long was I under?

Oh, this is going to be
easier than I thought.

'While Brutus was having his head
examined by the Great Fernando,

'I started tracking down the Fabulous
Mark's pretend policeman.

'A man's life was at stake and nothing was
going to distract me from the job in hand.'

Melody!

Well, this IS nice.

We should definitely make
this a regular thing.

Why don't we make Tuesday "Woody
Stays In Silence And Melody's
Frowning Face Day" from now on?

Go. Away. I'm not in the mood.

Now, call me oversensitive,

but I have a very developed feminine
side - it's my left side -

and I'm picking up that there's something
very slightly bothering you.

Argh! It's Donald!

He's been injured and now he's
confined to a wheelchair.

Oh! That man is so selfish.
What happened?

He broke his toe on someone.

~ On someTHING.
~ No, someone.

And now, he wants me
to play proper wifey,

and he wants me by his side 24/7!

You're doing a great job.

This is the first break
I've had in a week!

I didn't sign up for this,
I think I'm losing my mind.

Melody, remember, a problem shared
is a problem to laugh at...

halved, whatever.

Why don't you start
from the beginning?

Argh! It's Donald!

Yeah, I didn't mean the beginning
of the conversation.

No. It's actually him.

Melody! There you are.

I want the loo and I need a hand.

~ Ah, tell me he doesn't mean...
~ Yes, he does.

Ah, I need a break.

No, you need a disposable glove.

Hang on, I think I've got a solution.

~ And when you wake up, this
mop will be your wife...
~ Melody.

Your beautiful wife, Melody,
with her beautiful hair

and her lovely legs and her
exquisitely proportioned...

All right, Fernando, wind it up.

Listen, young lady, he can't see
you and the mop at the same time,

~ it'll break the illusion.
~ Oh, OK, all right, one second.

Off to the shops?

No, if I'm quick, I can finally
finish my pilot's licence.

~ You're full of surprises.
~ Oh, you don't know the half of it.

~ You owe me for this.
~ Yeah, yeah, whatever you want.

~ Except for that, of course.
~ Of course.

And you're back with
us in three, two, one...

Melody! Melody! Oh, there you are.

My ear hair needs trimming again.

You'd love to? Oh, good girl.

Oi, are you looking at my wife?

~ No.
~ Pervert.

Now, where was I?

Oh, yeah, not getting distracted
from the job in hand.

So, where does a man who's hypnotised

to think he's a cop, go first?

Si?

Ah, Spanish, such a
beautiful language.

Your mother, she was
a handsome woman?

You still have the
feelings for her, ja?

~ Don't I know you?
~ Perhaps, my name is Hans,

Dr Hans Freedialling, Professor
of Psychiatry at the University

of Somewhere in Austria.

My turn for questions.

~ When was the last time
you cried like a baby?
~ What?

~ Never mind. Do you know this man?
~ What is this?

I don't have time for
this, I'm very busy.

All right, who is this man?

This man has lost his marbles.

And where did he lose them?

No, you do not understand.
He is crackers, nuts, bananas.

The whole picnic.

He thinks he is a policeman.

Do you know anyone that thinks
they are a policeman?

~ I think I am a policeman.
~ Yes, but you do not think you are.

~ I think I am.
~ No, but you do not think you are.

Then what am I?

~ What do you think you are?
~ A policeman.

Is that what you think?

~ I think so.
~ I thought so.

I'll take this, sergeant,
thank you. Thank you.

~ Excuse me, Mr...?
~ Dr Hans Pizzarade.

Excuse me, Dr, I have an idea.

Follow me, I'll take you
to the missing persons room.

In there, look.

Problem solved.

Now you have gone missing for wasting
police time, hasta luego.

Hasta what? You can't do this to me.

I demand to speak to the embassy.

Tell me about your childhood.

Were you fed from the bottle? Hello?

No!

Have you calmed down now?

I know my human rights, I want
my statutory phone call.

~ You're free to go.
~ This contravenes the Geneva Convention.

~ I want to call someone, anyone.
~ Do you need more time to yourself?

OK, I'm going, I'm
going. So many issues.

You're telling me.

~ Any developments?
~ Two.
~ Great. Well?

One, your man isn't where I thought
he would be, so we can rule that out.

~ Which is good, in a way.
~ What was the other development?

Two, Brutus' hypnotism
obviously didn't work.

Ha, that is where you're wrong, see,

because Fernando has reversed
my whole relationship with food

and from now on, the more
I eat, the less I weigh.

~ You've got a problem.
~ I've got a problem?

~ You've got a problem.
~ I've got a problem.

~ He's got a problem.
~ You do have a problem.

Look, Janice said if
you can't find him,

I should get our money back and
we'll find someone who can.

I understand. So if we can't
help find your person

you'll find someone who
can help find your person?

Do you want me to help find a
person to help find your person?

I mean, I would, but I'm
busy at the moment helping

~ find a person for a person.
~ I want my money back, please.

Don't be so hasty, Fabulous
Mark. I've got an idea.

He's got an idea.

All we need to do, is for
you to put on another show.

He'll see the posters and
come straight for you.

He wants to kill me.

No, he only thinks
he wants to kill you.

How's that any different?

Relax. We'll put people all around
the venue to protect you.

As soon as he arrives, we grab
him and then you de-hypnotise him.

And I've got just the place
where you can do it,

my mate Jimmy the Ferret's club.

Of course. Jimmy the Ferret's club.

Who's Jimmy the Ferret?

~ He's my mate.
~ You said. And why's he
called Jimmy the Ferret?

Well, it's a funny story, actually.

I just wish I could remember it.

~ Did it involve a ferret?
~ I am going to say yes.

Don't you worry, Mark.

With me, Jimmy the Ferret and Brutus
the Brain, you're in safe hands.

Nice little crowd, I think
we're onto a winner.

50% of the door, 10% on the bar.

My mate, Jimmy the
Ferret, is well happy.

Yeah, great, just one thing,

what about the man who's
trying to kill me?

Well, he's not at the
bar, but I did get this.

~ Great, what is it?
~ Barmaid's number. We're
going for pizza later.

This is not a good idea.

You think skip the pizza,
go straight to karaoke?

~ You could be right.
~ Mark, you'll be fine.

We'll put our people everywhere
to be primed and ready to pounce.

~ I can't do this.
~ There you go.

Hypnotism is a load of cobblers,
I don't know why dragged me

in here, it's like you've got
hypnotism on your brain today.

Large scotch and what are you having?

Ooh, that is a good idea,
in fact we'll have a bottle.

Bring them to our table, would you?

We really need to get
started, Fabulous Mark.

~ Yeah, it's Janice, my...
~ Yeah, I know, your rock and your wife.

We really need to get
started, Fabulous Mark.

Listen to me, Janice, I just
want to get this sorted out once

and for all. No, you're right,
it's far too dangerous.

Janice is right, it's
far too dangerous.

~ I dunno what I was thinking.
~ Huh?
~ I need to leave.
~ Huh?

~ Wait, you can't go.
~ Where's he going?

~ He's going.
~ Yeah, where's he going?

~ He's gone.
~ Right, you know what we need to do?
~ Go on.

~ We need to go.
~ Go?
~ Go.
~ We can't go.

If we go, Jimmy the Ferret
will feed us to his ferrets.

Ah, I remember the story now.

It's not that funny after all.
What are we going to do?

Don't worry, B, you're about to see
someone put the hyp into hypnotist.

And the no.

And the tist.

Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome to the stage

at Ferret's Nightclub, hypnotist
extraordinaire, The Fabulous Mark.

Yes, I am The Fabulous
Mark and I am a hypnotist.

You, sir, sleep.

You, madam, wake up,
the show has started.

What you are about to witness, you
will never forget, unless, of course,

I hypnotise you to forget, in which
case, you will never remember.

So, to recap, tonight will either
be the most unforgettable or

forgettable night of your lives.

~ Get on with it!
~ Who said that?

You, sir, stand up.

~ What is your name, sir?
~ Greg.

~ Or is it?
~ Yes.

~ Or is it?
~ Yes.

~ Or is it?
~ Yes.

No. Ladies and gentlemen,
meet Shirley.

It can be a man's name too.

Before the show, I hypnotised
Shirley to believe he was

an annoying audience member named
Greg who stands up and heckles me.

Round of applause for Shirley.

I'm not Shirley. My name is Greg.

See me after the show, Shirley.

Right, who else wants
to be hypnotised?

Go on, love, why don't
you volunteer? Bit of fun.

I'd love to see you hypnotised.

What about you, madam?

We have a volunteer.

Over here! Choose my wife.

See if it works on her.

And sleep and act like
a dog and leave. Amazing.

The power of the mind.

What about you, sir?

No. Me? No.

Yes, you owe it to yourself. And me.

Get up here now, round of applause.

And what is your name, sir?

Well actually, I'm glad you asked,
because my name is actually...

Yeah, great, and sleep.

You are now in a deep,
deep sleep and under

the power of The Fabulous Mark.

When I count down from
three, you will wake up

and immediately drop your trousers.

~ Oh.
~ In three, two, one...

And sleep. How about that,
ladies and gentlemen?

Now, who would like to
see him eat his trousers?

In three, two, one...

So, there's good news and
bad news. And bad news.

~ And the good news?
~ We got to see a grown
man eat his own trousers.

Not all of them, but he
gave it his best shot.

Did my guy turn up at the show?

That's the bad news and the bad news.

~ This isn't working. What was I thinking?
~ Wait!
~ What?

Who's ordering pudding?

It's quarter past ten in the morning.

I've had enough of this.
I'm not taking any chances.

I need to protect me and Janice.

~ Whoa. Where did you get the gun?
~ A guy at the docks.

I slipped out this morning
while Janice was asleep.

Easy, tiger. We won't
be needing that.

~ Well have you got a better idea?
~ I've always got a better idea.

~ He's always got a better idea.
~ Here's the better idea.

We've been out looking for this guy,

~ when all this time he's
been looking for you.
~ So what?

So, the only place he definitely
knows you've been is

the place you've hypnotised him.

~ It's obvious, he'll be
staking out the hotel.
~ Of course.

And there's only one way
to flush out a stake out...

Stake out the stake out.

Right, let's go.

My belt's shrunk again.

There's nothing I like to do more
than staking out a stake out...

Apart from twerking. Who
doesn't like twerking?

But this wasn't the
time for twerking.

I should stop saying
the word "twerking".

This was a time for
tracking down our man

and I had an eye for
this kind of thing.

Not him.

Or him.

Definitely not him.

Could be her. Twerking.

I said it again.

Ten four, big boy, this
is the doughnut king,

breaker, breaker, do you copy?

Yes, hello, doughnut king.

I knew these walkie
talkies had range,

I didn't realise they went
all the way back to the 1970s.

You're just jealous, because
I got the old CB speak down Pat.

I used to have a CB, so I know
what I am talking about.

I remember once when I was a
kid, talking to a lorry driver

called Frank from the
Midlands and he was...

Yeah, ten four on that, I'm
blowing smoke up the freeway,

because I am the Boston Toastie.

You chow down on my ball and
I'm going be a ratchet jaw.

I'll back off the hammer, I'm
waitin' for the bear, anyhow.

I'll holler in a short
while. Do you copy?

Wow, I take it back, you are good.

I take that back, he is good.

Anyway, Frank said, "I'll meet
you at Watford Gap services..."

Has Woody spotted our man?

Oh, yeah, big boy, have
you eyeballed the target?

If I see anything, I'll
drop the hammer, ten four.

Roger that. I'll be on the doughnuts.

That's better.

~ Oh, sir.
~ No problem.

Excuse me? I wonder
if you can help me.

I'm looking for a policeman.

~ You lost your mummy?
~ No, but you're a policeman, right?

~ Not me.
~ It's just I was told you
were a policeman on a case.

Now listen to me, relax.

You've got the wrong man.

Please leave me alone. Now go.

Woody to Brutus, I think I've found
our man, but something's not right.

B? Come in, B.

~ You've spotted him?
~ Mark? Where's Brutus?

Gone to get more snacks.
Where did you see the man?

He just got in the lift. Looks
like he's headed for the roof.

I need to speak to
Brutus. Mark? Mark?

Mark? Mark?

Ah.

~ Big boy, big boy.
~ What are you doing?

I found this bar. I'm
stocking up on supplies.

~ I got you a pretzel.
~ No, you didn't.

No, you're right, they are for me.

B, I think we've been had.

If I'm right, which I am, our
hypnotised audience member

isn't a hypnotised
audience member at all

and our hypnotist might
not even be a hypnotist.

Follow me? Good. Follow me.

I'll get the pretzels
on the way back.

What are you doing? Don't
shoot, don't shoot.

~ You're trying to kill me.
~ I've never seen you before in my life.

I have to shoot you.
This is the only way.

Three, two...

Wait, one and three quarters.
Listen to me. Listen.

~ You don't have to shoot.
~ I have to stop him.

Whatever you think you're doing here,

it's not what you're
really doing here.

~ You don't know who he is.
~ Who is he?

He's the man I hypnotised.

You think you could hypnotise
me, The Astounding Steven?

~ Who do you think you are?
~ He thinks he's The Fabulous Mark.

~ Shut up, I am The Fabulous Mark.
~ And who are you?

~ I'm The Remarkable Woody.
~ Put your hands up, Woody.

~ The Remarkable Woody, please.
~ Not now, Remarkable Woody.

~ And you.
~ I'm Brutus, by the way,
I haven't got an adjective.

~ Shut up.
~ Hey, don't be such a
chump, hand over the gun.

~ I'm not a chump, I'm The Fabulous Mark.
~ No you're not,

you've just been hypnotised to
think you're The Fabulous Mark.

~ Shut up.
~ Mark. What you doing?

He's got a gun. Stand back,
sweetheart, I'll protect you.

And sleep.

My God, Susan.

~ Steven.
~ Janice?
~ Mark.

What are you doing? He's
trying to kill me.

No, he isn't. Is he, Janice?

Sorry, is he, Susan?

Mark, listen to me, and sleep.

That's better.

Never hypnotise someone to
do a job you can do yourself.

~ What are you talking about, Susan? What job?
~ Simple.

She hypnotised Mark to believe
he was a hypnotist who

hypnotised you into
wanting to kill him.

You were about to be
shot in self-defence.

Me and dozy here were
meant to be witnesses.

The only thing I can't work
out is why she did it.

But she's no hypnotist,
she's my ex-wife.

Ah, and there you have it.

I've become a much better hypnotist
than you ever were, Steven.

You'll probably be wanting
your ring back.

You're in the guild?

Oh, yes, since you left
me for that strumpet.

He has got a name.

I wanted revenge.

I trained as a hypnotist myself so
I could commit the perfect murder.

Sorry, can I just check,
do you mean this murder?

Because I'm not sure if perfect
is how I would describe it.

I don't think you understand.

When Steven left me, I didn't
know what to do and so I relaxed

and went into a deep, deep sleep.

And point the gun at
my ex husband, Woody.

And pull the trigger, Woody.

Wait a minute, can't you
see what she's trying to do?

Don't listen to her. Listen
to me, Woody, relax.

Picture the sea and point
the gun at my ex-wife.

Don't listen to his voice,
Woody, listen to my voice.

Pull the trigger, Woody,
and then you can sleep.

~ Don't do it, Woody.
~ Do it, Woody.

Don't have to, Woody, because
Sheila's messing with your mind.

Wake up, you flaming galah.

Sleep, Woody, sleep.

Wake up, Mr Woody. She's messing
with your head, Mr Woody.

Wake up, Mr Woody, wake up. Enough!

You can try and get to me,

but there's thousands in
here ready to take over.

Astounding Steven, Susany
Janice, after you.

Can someone wake up old beefy here?

Who's got the pretzels?

~ What did I miss?
~ Well, to recap...

♪ Rescue me

♪ Or take me in your arms... ♪

What that Janice did to
poor Mark makes me sick.

Either that or it's the four
chickens you ate this morning.

~ Listen, Woodster, between you and me...
~ Is your massive belly.

I know, it's pressing
against my knee.

I don't think this diet's working.

I'm going to ask the Great
Fernando for a refund.

Don't worry, B, I bumped
into him earlier

and I got you your money back.

Nice one. I owe you.

~ Have this on me.
~ Yeah, thanks.

Boss! Come quick!

The crazy old man is attacking
the crazy old lady.

Help me! Help! Help! Help!

That woman is drowning
my wife. I love her.

Get off her. Let her go. Hold
your breath, my darling.

Donald, don't worry, honey, I'm here.

Melody? Melody? Melody?

Woody, help!

Zorro, distraction. Trousers.

I love this place.

And sleep.

Hey, come on!

Gameros Casino.

Someone on the inside is on the take.

It's our job to flush them out.

Give me some sugar.

Ba, ba, ba. Di-doo, ba-de-lee-ba.

They say that if I don't pay back
within 24 hours, they're going

to take my knees away.

Boom. Kick. I am amongst you.

What do I care?

~ That is Signor Big.
~ Boom-de-bang-de-boom-bang-bang.

Is she winding me up?

Oh, no, my husband's choking,
give him room, he needs air.

~ Oh, darling, yes.
~ Don't let me down, Woody.

Don't worry, Mr De Luca,
I probably won't.