Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (2006–2007): Season 1, Episode 20 - K&R: Part 2 - full transcript
Tom's Brother is still captive; Simon talks to the press; the lawyer talks to the ransom liaisons. Matt flashes back to 9/11 censorship. Jordan has her baby.
Previously on Studio 60:
Jack, the show's not going
to be good on Friday.
It can't be.
Doesn't have
to be good.
Just has to be on.
Wes Mandel is recovering
from a heart attack,
which means you two
are in charge of the
most valuable property
this network
has ever owned.
You don't take shots
at Bush,
you don't take shots
at America.
Feel free to make fun
of Hollywood.
Three American soldiers
were ambushed
in their truck on a road
in Paktika, Afghanistan.
One of them is Mark Jeter.
He's a hostage.
My firm has offices
around the world.
We consult on
K&R insurance.
That's "Kidnap and Ransom."
Just for the sake of...
whatever, would you be able to
make a couple of phone calls
and find out more?
Yeah.
Tom Jeter.
Yes, sir.
Captain David Boyle.
I'm Mark's commanding officer
at Nellis Air Force Base.
This is Lieutenant Jim Pierce.
He's our chaplain.
Do you have anyone
that you can call,
family or
friends?
Danny Tripp.
Is that the father?
No, but he wants to be.
The baby's choking.
Just a little bit.
Just a little bit?!
Danny.
And Jordan's blood pressure
is very high
so shouting isn't going to help.
Danny.
What's going on?
Everything's fine.
Dr. Bremmer's
got her in surgery.
Isn't this taking an unusually
long time for a C-section?
I don't really know.
This is my first C-section.
Excellent.
When we opened her
up, we could see
right away there was a deep
invasion of the trophoblast
with variable amounts
of fragmentation
of the cotyledons.
I don't know what
any of that means.
Yeah, me neither.
Doctor?
She's bleeding internally
because the placenta's
still attached.
She's bleeding internally?
Yeah.
Isn't that...
Is that
life-threatening?
Well, going to the corner for
a newspaper's life-threatening.
Kid, I will beat you up.
She's fine.
We're gonna remove
the placenta
and stop the bleeding.
She's fine?
She's gonna be fine.
She's gonna be fine?
Yeah.
When... when would you say
that's gonna be?
Well, we started her off on
a local, but now she's under
general anesthesia 'cause
she's at risk for seizures.
Yeah. I hear "risk,"
I hear "seizure."
Take it easy.
Go across the street,
get a drink.
I can't.
I'm an alcoholic.
Bummer for you.
Yeah. I know.
I'm gonna go
back in there.
Hey. Uh, listen,
before, you know,
I said some things
about your age.
I made disparaging
comments about your age.
You guys, you don't
ever take that out on
the patients, do you?
Yeah, all the time.
Doctor...
Danny, I'm "Jess," okay?
Everything's gonna be fine.
There's nothing you're
not telling me?
Wait.
Yes?
She's under general
anesthesia?
Yeah.
Isn't that dangerous
for the baby?
Oh, the baby's been delivered.
What?
Baby's been delivered.
She's great.
The baby's
been delivered?
Yeah.
The baby's out?
She's here?
Yeah.
The baby's been born?
Yeah.
All right, Jess,
I-I-I said
there's nothing
you're not telling me.
I forgot.
You forgot you
delivered the baby?
I should have
written it down. That's me.
Where can I see her?
Not quite yet.
She's in the NICU.
That's intensive care.
Yeah.
Why?
She's a couple
weeks early.
We want to monitor her
heart rate and blood gases
and keep her under
a heat lamp.
But she's fine?
Six pounds, two ounces.
She's only six... No, wait.
That's-that's exactly
what she's supposed to be.
Get ahold of yourself.
Do you have a friend
who can come down
and sit with you and
just help you relax?
Danny!
Danny!
Sorry, we're late,
but Racer X here
was driving.
We hit a parking meter.
You kept shouting,
"Turn left! Turn left!"
Yeah, at the street.
These are the
calming influences.
Okay. I'm going
to head back in.
What's happened?
She's bleeding
internally.
Why?
There's been a deep invasion
of trophoblast into the
superficial muscle.
What does
that mean?
I don't know.
that at film school,
but the doctor seems
to think everything's
gonna be okay.
Was that
the doctor?
Yeah.
That guy?
Yeah.
What is he, 15?
He's pretty young.
Yes, he is.
What are you making him
nervous for?
I'm concerned that
Doogie Howser
is working on my friend
and her baby.
The baby was delivered.
What?
Six pounds,
two ounces.
I can't see her yet, but
they say she's doing great.
Also, I got engaged.
What?
You did it!
Yeah.
What are you...?
When?
When did I ask?
Yeah.
Right before she went in.
I-I asked, I gave her the ring,
she said yes.
Well, I hadn't finished
writing the proposal.
I know.
Which draft
did you use?
Hang on.
I didn't use any.
You ad-libbed?
I had to.
I was working on this great
marriage proposal for him.
What do you want me to do?
The text.
You can't
just wing it.
It worked.
Well, mine would've
worked better.
How?
Will the two
of you shut up?
Okay.
All right.
You asked Jordan
to marry you?
Yeah.
And you knew
about this?
Hey, I was supposed to be
the Cyrano,
and then he goes off...
It was a little long.
It was weighty.
Fat-- it's
called fat.
Well, you have
to deliver it with...
I will kill you both
in a hospital.
You're engaged.
Yep.
And there's a baby.
Yeah.
'Cause, like an hour ago,
none of that was true.
Things are moving fast tonight.
Capture:FRM@????
What's happening with Tom?
He's back
at the theater.
I know that.
Oh. He's with
two officers--
Mark's commander
and a chaplain.
Yeah?
Yeah, news got out
that it's Tom's brother,
so the press
is camped outside.
There's no new news
out of Afghanistan?
I think you got to take that
off your plate for a few hours.
Why?
I'm all right.
You've got enough.
She's gonna be fine.
I'm sure
you're right.
But right now, she's bleeding
and your stepdaughter-to-be
is in the ICU,
and I really think
that's all you should
have to think about.
You know, I hate saying this,
but Harriet's right.
I can take care of
everything back at...
Let's stop calling her
my stepdaughter.
She's my daughter.
She started being that
the moment she was born.
And I really wouldn't mind
meeting her
if that isn't too much to ask!
Easy does it.
All right, here's what
I need you to do.
Go back to the theater,
and try and normalize
things with everybody.
Well, that's not
gonna happen.
No, but the process of trying
is gonna give everyone
something to do.
Did you set a date?
What?
Did you two
set a date?
And we chose a caterer
while she was in pre-op.
Women and weddings.
I know.
Go back to the theater.
All right,
I'm going back,
but Harriet's staying here.
You don't need to...
Stay here with him.
Is there anything
you need from me?
No.
Are you sure?
What would I need from you?
I don't know. I was...
Call me every ten minutes,
let me know
what's going on.
We need your car;
I took your car.
My parents are in the green room
with the chaplain.
I can't remember his name.
Lieutenant Pierce.
The doctor's given my mother
a shot of a sedative
called Atrividium.
Yeah.
My father's
taking shots
of a sedative
called Johnny Walker Red.
All right, you can't tell me
if there's
a rescue mission underway.
No.
You can't tell me
if you think
there's a rescue mission
underway.
If, in your experience...
No.
No what?
No, I can't tell
you anything.
Even if the building
weren't surrounded
by reporters right now, I still
couldn't tell you anything.
But Lord Almighty, kid,
just how famous are you?
Not that famous.
There's just nothing
else going on tonight.
There are two wars.
Well, now they're
covering one of 'em.
You got any relatives
who could get captured
in the Ninth Ward
of New Orleans?
You've got a strange
sense of humor.
Hey, I'm not the one
who went on TV
a few hours ago
doing "Healthy Cooking
with Nicolas Cage."
Neither am I; that's Alex
Dwyer who does Nic Cage.
Which one are you?
Which one am...
What does it matter?
Just making
conversation.
I do Bush, I do
John Edwards,
I do Donald Trump,
I do whatever.
You do Muhammad.
I did tonight.
Muhammad
the Thin-Skinned Prophet.
You can't be trying
to tell me that my
brother's up there
because I made fun
of Muhammad tonight.
Yeah, kid, I'm sure
the Taliban watches Studio 60.
Maybe they TiVo it.
What is your
job here?
Comfort.
You're not very good at it.
I keep trying
to tell them that.
There's nothing you know?
There's a lot I know.
There's just nothing
I can tell you.
Do you know
how he's being treated?
I'm sorry?
You heard me.
I honestly didn't.
Do you know how
he's being treated?
No.
Yes, you do.
Is he being beaten up?
It's not a good idea
to engage in hypotheticals.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right,
it's probably not.
Except this isn't
a hypothetical,
this is actually happening!
You want to hit me?
What?
If you want to hit me,
it's okay.
Looking at you
and looking at me,
doesn't seem like it'll hurt.
I think I can use
a sedative myself.
Now we're talking.
You're such a jackass.
I know.
Can you believe they
made me a captain?
Yeah, I can believe
anything now.
You'll be able to
see him soon, Luce.
What?
You'll be able to see him soon.
I'd like to be able
to see him now.
I know, but he's
in a certain... you know,
and he doesn't want
to take it out on you.
He can take anything he wants
out on me right now,
I'm his girlfriend.
The military guys know
what they're doing.
Yeah, I can tell
by the way Mark's
blindfolded and in chains.
Where's Darius?
With Tom's parents.
What are you guys doing?
We're just surfing
for information.
The conservatives
didn't like the cold open.
What are you talking about?
Leave it alone.
The Tony Snow press
conference, troop surge,
they didn't like it.
Show me where you are.
Luce...
What, they're saying
they didn't like it?
Did you expect them
to like it?
No, but it was Tom's
sketch and they know
what's happening.
Why would they still
weigh in with their opinions?
Don't read anymore.
No, I will.
Luce, you don't want
to read anymore.
Hello.
What's going on
at the hospital?
Jordan is in surgery.
She's bleeding internally, but
they say she's gonna be fine.
That's all?
No.
There's a little
bit more.
Yeah.
She delivered the baby.
She delivered the baby?
Yeah.
Two weeks early?
Yeah, but the baby's fine.
16 pounds, two ounces.
16 pounds?!
Is that not normal?
Did she give birth
to a tuna fish?
Matty...
Yeah?
Six pounds.
Six pounds.
The point is
the baby's fine.
She's under observation,
but she's perfectly
healthy and fine.
Anything else?
No.
Matty?
Yes. Great news.
Danny and Jordan are engaged.
They're engaged?
Yeah.
To be married?
No, no, just in
a conversation.
Yes, they're engaged
to be married.
Whoa!
What the hell?!
Luce.
Sorry.
I... I told her
not to read it.
Read what?
The Angry Pajama People.
We were surfing the Net
for anything
about Tom's brother.
I landed on a site...
What did she read?
"Let's face some
facts, people.
"Hollywood is a land
of liberals, fags and traitors.
You reap what you sow."
He means "S-O-W,"
but he spelled it like
a needle and thread.
"You reap what you sew,
and Jeter's brother's
paying the price."
The whole site's
like that.
Obviously, no one's
going anywhere...
Except for a
sub-genre of posts
suggesting it's
all a publicity stunt
to prop up our ratings.
Look, forget it.
Nobody's going home
for awhile.
Danny and I think it'd be
a good idea for us all
to stay here and stay busy.
Good, let's start on
a sketch about how well
we've all been served
by all those who
"face the facts, people,
Simon...
and reap what they knit."
Let's...
Sorry. I meant
"reap what they sew."
Not this week.
It's six years later.
Not this week.
And I don't think those
Toby Keith patriots
feel stupid enough.
Not this week.
Why not?
'Cause he got sucked into this
six years ago,
and I don't want it
to happen again.
And since when we do the show
to make someone feel stupid?
I didn't get sucked in.
Matt.
I didn't get
sucked in,
Cal, I walked in.
Matt.
I walked in.
All right, everybody,
settle down.
Settle down.
Danny and I just came back from
Jack Rudolph's office.
We went there with Wes'
permission to ask
if we could not go on
the air Friday night.
And?
We're going on the air
Friday night.
Fat ass.
Yeah, well,
nevertheless,
we're going on the air
Friday night.
And he had rather strict
instructions about content.
Like what?
There shouldn't be any.
Seriously, like what kind of
instructions about content?
Well, you know,
no attacks at Bush,
no attacks at the White House.
Come on,
you guys know what he means.
Let's go around the room.
Bush says the most
important thing we can all do
is shop.
How about Freedom Shoppers?
Did you just hear me say
we're not doing that?
It's a new game show
with Regis Philbin.
Denny...
Who Wants To Be Free?
Contestants would compete for
the opportunity to go shopping.
All right, let's stop
kidding around.
We got a show to do.
What else we got?
Barry Bonds hit
his 73rd home run.
Okay, well,
that's not funny at all.
Eminem and Kim Basinger
are gonna do a movie together.
When does it come out?
About a year and a half.
Okay, well, let's
wait till then to
do the sketch.
What else we got?
Deb, what are you reading?
New York Times.
Anything?
Karl Rove was out here.
He wants the studios to make
films that are more patriotic.
Shopping and movies-- that's
exactly how we won World War II.
Man, he said knock it off.
White House is making
movie pitches?
Yeah.
Okay, well, let's...
save that 'cause Rudolph
was pretty clear about...
Mm, yeah,
he didn't want to...
???
...memorial service
at the Pentagon this morning,
President Bush vowed
to destroy terror
with "every weapon
in the U.S. arsenal"
as he marked one month since
the September 11th attacks.
Meanwhile, air strikes continue
in Afghanistan
for the fifth consecutive day
and military officials say
it'll be a matter of weeks,
not days, before they secure
Taliban-held regions
of Afghanistan.
Weeks?
Yeah.
It's gonna take weeks
to beat these guys?
Hey, you know what I
was just thinking about?
We should delay
the season premiere
until this thing is over.
We're doing okay,
you and me.
We're gonna be able to run
this show when Wes retires.
We're doing all right.
First of all, Wes
is never gonna retire.
Second, we haven't
done anything yet.
And, third, should we be talking
about taking over for Wes
when he's in a hospital
with a heart attack?
He had the heart
attack already.
It's not a continuing
condition.
You're right.
Let's raid his fridge.
How's it going?
It's a piece in the paper
about Karl Rove
coming out here.
Yeah?
Yeah, he met with a studio
and network heads and
reps from the guilds.
That story is
three days old.
Yeah, but I just read it.
What were you reading
three days ago?
Anything that doesn't
have anything to do
with things we're not
allowed to do this week.
I've been looking
at news on J.Lo.
Anything?
No.
No, look, the White House sent
the most senior counselor
to the president to LA
to tell us to make
more patriotic product.
As a matter of fact,
that's not what happened.
He was invited out here
by a couple of people,
including a writer.
The writer's name
is Lionel Chetwynd
who's to the right
of Harriet Hayes.
The other executives showed up
'cause they didn't want
their names to end up on
a list for not showing up.
One of those executives
was Jack Rudolph.
You're making
my point for me.
I have no idea
what your point is.
Danny...
There were no instructions
given on content.
I'm not accusing
anybody of anything.
We're all on the same side.
Then what are you saying?
That it's funny.
What is?
Karl Rove...
in a conference room
with studio and network heads
trying to beat the terrorists
with movie pitches.
You're talking
about a sketch?
That's all
This is what Jack
told us not to do.
No, he said it was okay
to make fun of Hollywood.
In fact, he encouraged it.
Look, we went over
there to his office
and said we shouldn't
be on the air yet.
He said no.
If we go on the air
with sketches
that ignore the world,
then we're irrelevant.
I hate being irrelevant.
I know.
Okay, give me a first
draft I can run by Wes.
Good.
Hey, Matt.
Yeah?
Please remember
that neither one of us
have lives.
I agree.
What do you mean?
Try not to get us fired.
Show's the only thing
I have right now.
I don't see that changing
any time soon.
I'd like to see my daughter.
You need an ID bracelet.
What's that?
An ID bracelet.
I don't have an ID bracelet.
What am I, Joey Buttafuoco?
A hospital ID bracelet.
HIPAA regulations.
Miss...
Nurse.
Miss Nurse.
Just Nurse.
I'm not gonna
steal the baby.
Well, that's what people
who steal babies say.
They don't come
into a hospital
and announce their intention
to steal a baby.
That's why we have
strict regulations.
You're not even on the
visitor's authorization list.
No one's on the visitor's
authorization list.
Danny...
She was rushed into surgery.
Says on the chart the mother
was here for almost two hours
before she was brought
into the OR.
Yes.
That's true, but we're
sitting out there waiting.
We didn't know that...
Now if the real father...
I'm the real father.
The biological father.
The biological
father's a twerp.
Do you see him around
here anywhere?
By the way, I'm
a little tweaked
that he got to sleep
with my fiance.
You know who I am,
you know what's going on.
I'm entitled to see her.
Isn't that like a man?
Baby's not even home yet
and he's already saying
what he's entitled to
and how his needs
aren't being met
ever since the baby
was born.
What are you talking about?!
Okay...
That is my daughter
in the ICU.
And I want her to see
that there is a big
grown man who's gonna take care
of her for the rest of her life
starting now.
No.
It's gonna have to be starting
when you get an ID bracelet.
Excuse me.
Now I'm thinking about
stealing the baby.
Let me take care
of this.
What are you
going to do?
I'm gonna talk
woman to woman.
What did she say?
You can't see her
without the bracelet.
Good work.
She's a big fan of
my work, though.
Then she'll be disappointed
when I fire you.
You want a Mento?
Could you get some
news on Tom?
You're not supposed to be
thinking about that.
Get some news on Tom!
You know with the baby,
if you shout like that...
Get some news on Tom.
Better.
Is it okay to
smoke in here?
Uh...
You and your brother
sure took...
different paths.
Yeah.
Which of you
is the black sheep?
Me.
He's a good engineer.
I know.
We, uh...
we repaired an airstrip
outside Kabul together
on his first tour.
It was... January,
10 degrees,
40 mile per hour winds.
We just wanted to get
the hell out of there.
But he convinced me
we had to stay
another day.
He said if the water
to cement ratio wasn't lowered,
then another team would just
have to come back in six months
and do it again.
He said he didn't want
some kid put in danger
because he'd laid
lousy cement.
Yeah.
How you doing,
my brother?
Why is everyone still here?
Oh, nobody's
going anywhere
until you're out
of the woods.
Your mom's asleep.
They shot her up with
a couple hundred cc's
of something.
And your dad was asking,
so I had somebody
take him over
to a chapel
with that, uh, Lieutenant
Pierce, the chaplain.
Thanks.
There's wall-to-wall news
on TV and no information.
What's going on?
Is... is there
a negotiation,
is there a rescue mission?
Is the Red Cross involved?
Is the UN involved?
What's happening?
I can't tell you that.
Why the hell not?
Well, for one thing,
I don't know who you are.
I'm Simon Stiles,
I'm a cast member here.
I'm his best friend,
and I'm the guy
who' talking
to you right now.
Well, I guess
that's enough to clear you
for classified
information.
Look, chief...
It's captain.
And don't front off
with me.
I'm not in show business,
and I'm not from the hood.
What is he here for?
Comfort.
All right, quiet down.
Listen up.
There's been a lot
of rumors flying around,
but chances are whatever
you think you know is wrong,
so here it is.
There's no new information
on Tom's brother.
Jordan's still in surgery, but
Danny says everything is fine.
She delivered--
six pounds, two ounces.
Not 16 pounds, which would be
too many... pounds.
She's a healthy,
beautiful baby girl.
Danny's seen her?
No.
You just said
she was beautiful.
We assume these things, Alex.
Is there anything else?
No.
Matt?
Oh, uh, Jordan
and Danny are engaged.
And that is all the information.
Why are there pieces
of a computer lying
on the floor?
I threw it
against the wall.
Okay.
The Nocturnal Nut Brigade
came after Tom on the Internet.
The Pajama People?
Yeah.
Don't worry about it.
Here's what we're going to do.
Danny wants us to stay
together and stay busy,
so Cal and I thought
it'd be a good idea
to do the Sunday postmortem now,
Friday night, which
is now Saturday morning.
You want to do it now?
Yeah, so, let's go from the top.
What did we do wrong tonight?
Well, I said "Live from Studio
City on the Sunset Strip."
Yes, and you know
the name of the show
is Studio 60
on the Sunset Strip.
Yes.
And you know this because
you've been announcing
the show
for 20 years.
Yes.
Okay, that's done. What's next?
Matt?
Yeah.
If the baby's
been delivered,
why is Jordan still in the OR?
She's bleeding,
'cause of the thing...
The placenta.
Yeah.
She has placenta
accreta.
Well, Danny says
it's not serious.
It's not serious.
My wife had it.
That's why I'm asking
why Jordan is still in the OR.
She's been in there
for two hours, Matt.
Well, Danny says...
There's something
they're not telling Danny.
Something's going wrong.
All right...
All right, the show announce,
Studio City...
That's gonna haunt me.
It's been 20 years,
you were due.
At 1:22 of the show clock,
we had a four second sound drop,
beginning with Tom's line,
"The President has always held
this will be a long fight."
We'll match sound from
the dress for syndication.
You think she's been
in there too long?
I'm not a doctor...
Excuse me.
Yeah.
What's going on?
Hang on.
I'll call you back.
How is she?
How is she?
Relax.
Matt, I'm gonna
tell you how she is,
but I'm gonna use some words
that sound worse than they are.
Go ahead.
Jordan was
completely repaired
and we felt confident
that she could
sustain future
pregnancies.
She was completely repaired?
She went into shock when
we wheeled her into...
What happened?
recovery.
She went into shock?
Take it easy.
Her clotting factors were
consumed exponentially
during the initial
bleeding.
That means that her body can't
stop itself from bleeding
at the initial
incision site.
So what do you do?
Well, we closed her up,
but what's developed is DIC
which is disseminated
intravascular
coagulopathy.
That's a scary way of
saying that she won't clot.
Yeah, it worked. I'm scared.
Don't be.
The head of Hematology's
in charge now,
he's administering drugs
he as confidence in.
Is she conscious?
Yes, but
extremely groggy,
and we're going
to keep her that way
in case we have
to open her up again.
Danny, I promise you
that I will let you
know when to panic.
These are post-op
complications,
we're going to be out
of the woods by sunrise.
Is there anything
that I can do for you?
They won't let me see the baby.
Annette?
Yes, sir.
Get him a damn bracelet.
I can't
do that, Doctor.
Then at least let him
stand outside the NICU.
Let's go for God's sake,
come on.
Give us a few minutes.
Did he seem nervous to you?
No.
Matt...
So, what's going on?
It's all going to be okay.
Yeah, I know it is.
What's going on?
They're taking care of her.
Andy said that
with what she's got,
she shouldn't be in surgery
this long.
There were complications.
All right,
I'm coming back there.
No, stay where you are.
I need to know
Tom's gonna be okay.
What are the complications?
They can't get her
to stop bleeding.
It's not a big deal.
It's gonna be fine.
Matty, he says it sounds
scarier than it is.
All right, I'll be right here.
Stay there.
Is there press?
Do I need to ask?
They've got us surrounded.
We're bunkered in.
They want a shot of Tom.
Well, at least it's a render
that we never quite finished
the first war.
I don't think Tom
needs any reminding.
Keep calling me. I will.
Keep calling me.
15 minutes goes by without
me hearing from you,
I'm driving over there
with a police escort.
Where are you getting
a police escort from?
I will commit a crime
and lead them in
a high-speed chase if I have to.
I am not kidding around.
All right.
Harry, you can
look all you want,
but you're never
gonna find a guy
better than him.
Let's go wash
your hands and face.
You're gonna meet your kid.
I'll be back in just
a couple of minutes.
Cal, Andy,
keep running the postmortem.
All right.
This one is on me.
I blew a camera cue.
Where?
I'm still on "Tony Snow."
I couldn't snap.
You couldn't snap?
There was popcorn with butter,
and I couldn't snap.
They didn't hear me
call it right away.
Moving to 7-B.
Uh, I'd to stay on
"Tony Snow" a second.
All right.
What do you have?
It was wrong.
What?
The sketch, it was wrong.
You don't think we should
have opened with it?
No, I'm fine
opening with it,
but the sketch
was wrong.
The premise was Press
Secretary paints a rosy picture.
Yeah.
That's what Press
Secretaries are paid to do.
The targets of comedy
should have been
the people who
are buying it.
Not a lot of people
buying it anymore.
Yeah, anymore.
That bandwagon's lightened up
a little bit since the old days,
and I think the comedy's
in the people
who broke their ankles
jumping off.
All right, noted.
What did Matt mean when
he said he walked into it?
What?
You said Matt got
sucked into it the first time,
and he said he walked into it.
Okay, so, a slate,
maybe an offscreen V.O.
"Holly Hunter screen test
for Silence of the Lambs."
ALEX (as Hannibal Lecter):
What became of your lamb,
Clarice?
I don't know.
I didn't have any food,
any water,
it was very, very cold.
I thought if I could
save just one...
You know this actually
sounds like Jodie Foster.
I know.
Uh, keep going.
I thought if I could
save just one,
but he was
very, very heavy.
Now it's Colonel Sanders.
That wasn't Colonel Sanders.
Okay, then it was Colonel
Sanders' mother or something.
All right, uh,
rough cut away
to a new slate,
also probably with
an offscreen V.O.,
"Holly Hunter screen
test for Gladiator."
My brother
had Gracchus arrested.
We daren't
wait any longer.
We must leave tonight.
Your servant Cicero will be
waiting there with horses.
Let me try
that again.
Your servant Cicero
will be waiting
there with horses...
Can I help you?
Uh, can you give us a minute?
I, uh, read ahead
in the packet.
Yeah.
The Karl Rove sketch.
It's not
a Karl Rove sketch.
It says "Karl Rove
Sketch" at the top.
Jerry, we just name these things
so we can remember
what they are.
Yeah, I can change
the name of it.
It doesn't matter
what you name it.
There are 45 sketches
in this packet.
Forty-seven.
There are 47 sketches
in that packet,
we're gonna do the best ten.
Come on, let's not
go round and round.
We haven't even
read it yet.
I've read it.
No. Out loud.
By actors.
Does it get less
inflammatory if it's
read out loud?
I don't think it's inflammatory.
Jack met with you,
he told me he did.
Yeah.
And he said
nothing anti-American.
This isn't anti-American.
Oh, come on, Jerry.
That's a big
overstatement.
There's nothing
...were pitching around ideas
for TV series and movies.
It's mocking patriotism.
I think we get away with it
because it's Hollywood.
Because it's Hollywood.
It's not mocking
patriotism.
And I got to be honest with you,
I resent that,
and you have cut
sketches of mine before
and that has never
been the case.
Well, I'm sorry if...
It's not
mocking patriotism,
It's mocking patriotism
being good for business,
which is what's happening
here right now.
I really don't care how
you interpret my decision,
but it is my decision.
I have 12 other
shows to vet.
Screw it.
Jerry.
Yeah?
Is it your decision to make?
Yeah.
This isn't a standards issue.
We're not saying any words
you're not allowed to say.
Danny...
Nobody's taking
their clothes off
or teaching anybody
how to make methamphetamine.
This is content.
Call it what you want.
I think you're taking advantage
of the fact that Wes isn't here
'cause you know he'd have thrown
your ass out of the building
20 minutes ago and done
whatever sketch he wanted to.
I want you to assume
that we are Wes
and that's what's happening now.
If for no other reason
than the two of you
have a chance to be executive
producers of this show one day,
don't do things stupidly now.
Matt?
Yeah.
You've been
standing out here.
Well, I saw you
were on the phone.
The guys in London
are talking to the
guys in Islamabad
who are talking
to the guys in Kabul.
And?
They're trying
to find out some things.
Is this a realistic idea
worth pursuing or
is this just some...
This is not
fly-by-night.
Well, neither am I.
I'm not saying do it.
I'm saying
let them find out
who and what
we're talking about.
Let them find out
who the players are.
If all three guys
are still together, if...
All right.
How's Jordan?
Oh, she's having some
post-op complications.
Like what?
They can't seem to
stop her from bleeding.
She's got intravascular
coagulation. DIC.
You know medicine, too?
A little bit.
Are you and Jordan close?
Yeah. I like her a lot.
My best friend's
in love with her.
So...
Yeah?
By the way,
they're engaged now.
Danny and Jordan?
Yeah. He proposed to her
right before she went
in for a C-Section.
He didn't use the
material I wrote,
but she said yes anyway.
That's great.
They're going to let him
see the baby in a minute.
Yeah?
Yeah. I should go check...
Matt?
Yeah?
Nothing.
What?
He shouldn't...
Forget it.
Mary?
He shouldn't
see the baby.
Danny shouldn't make a
connection with the baby.
Why not?
You know why not.
No, I-I don't.
Mary, I swear to God I don't.
If something happens
with Jordan...
Jordan's going to be fine.
If something
happens with Jordan,
an engagement ring
doesn't give Danny any
rights with the baby.
Hi.
It's okay now.
I've got your back.
Has Mark received
any kind of education
in this kind of situation?
Are they taught what to do
in this kind of situation?
Yes, he's received Law of
Armed Conflict Training.
That's six articles
that provide a guideline
for conduct in a POW
situation along with
the applicable rules
of the Geneva convention.
But Mark's not a POW,
they keep telling us so.
Well the they you're talking
about doesn't know
what they're talking about,
but yes,
he's being held
by a militia.
Either way, I'm sure the Afghans
have their pocket copies
of the Geneva conventions
in their briefcases
and take them just
as seriously as we did.
What's he doing
up there?
Is that Russell?
What's he doing up there?
Is he a friend
of yours?
No. I mean, we worked here
together for couple months.
Now you were employed
at Studio 60 from...?
They've run out
of experts.
Don't listen
to them, Tom.
1998 to 2002.
And you were a talent
coordinator for the show?
Well, a talent coordinator
and then a segment producer.
You were Tom Jeter's boss?
Yes.
When were you
ever my boss?
Russell, reports
on the Internet say Tom
and his brother, Mark, have been
estranged for a few years.
What the hell?
I think that's accurate.
What the hell is
he talking about?
Turn it off, Tom.
Do you think it was because
of the war, that Tom's brother
went off to fight the war?
Well, I don't like to
speculate, but, uh...
Oh, do.
I think it's safe
to say that
everybody over there was
pretty much against the war.
What in the hell
is this guy...
Don't listen to it, Tom.
I want that corrected.
Don't worry about it.
We're not estranged.
Don't worry about it.
We're not estranged.
We e-mail each other every...
I want that corrected!
Don't...
Stop saying that;
if we're gonna do
one thing right...
we're gonna do that;
I'm going out there.
No.
I'm talking to those guys.
I want that corrected.
You can't.
Get out of my way.
You can't.
Get out of my way.
I'll go.
Tom, I'll go.
Leon Cushman's out there
from the Post, okay?
I have a relationship with him;
I'll talk to him alone.
Tell him to fix it.
Tell him to tell
everybody else.
I will.
It's fine.
George, I need you.
Yes, sir?
Have one of your guys
go out there
and find a reporter
named Leon Cushman.
Have them very quietly
tell him to meet me--
use my name-- to meet
me by the side door
in the alley at
the loading dock.
Manny.
Thank you.
In "Blind Date,"
the rewrite just didn't
make it to the floor,
so they were doing
the old pages...
Jeannie.
Yeah?
I need you to come with me.
Where?
Leon Cushman's gonna
meet me on the side
of the building.
There's a story out there
that Tom and Mark are estranged.
Leave it alone.
Tom wants it fixed.
Leon Cushman's gonna
meet me at the side
of the building.
I'm gonna talk to him
for half a minute,
and I just want
you there with me.
Sure, but why?
Leon wants to sleep
with you-- he'll do this
for me to impress you.
He doesn't want
to sleep with me.
Jeannie, this isn't
the time to be delicate,
so I'll just say
there's no such thing
as someone who doesn't
want to sleep with you.
Is it smart to be talking
to the press?
We'll be fine.
Really?
What are you worried about?
A rerun of six years ago.
Secretary Donald Rumsfeld
stated today
that bin Laden was probably
still in Afghanistan,
and many Americans
are wondering how close
the US is to capturing him.
Yesterday, the President
released a list of the 22
most wanted criminals
Excuse me.
that have connections
to terrorism...
What's that?
It's a fig leaf.
Your prop master gave it to me.
See, I've got
a sense of humor, too.
No, he's got a sense of
humor-- that's poison ivy.
It's fake poison ivy,
and I think
you meant it as
an olive branch.
But what do you need?
You know what I need.
Wes talked to Jack; Wes
says it stays in the show.
And Jack needs you to speak
to Wes 'cause you can't
put the sketch on the air,
and Jack can't tell Wes not to.
We think the sketch--
Wes, Matt, myself--
we think that the sketch...
You think the sketch...
Why not take the
guesswork out of it
and cut the sketch?
It would be our preference
not to be on at all,
but we were turned down.
If we are going to be on,
we can't ignore
that there's...
You're not ignoring it.
You've got the sketch
based on the thing,
the kids show...
"Muslims Say
the Darndest Things."
Yes.
We're not doing that one.
You're cutting
the Muslim sketch?
Yes, we are, but
I can't help
but notice that that's
not at the request
of the network.
That one resonates.
It resonates?
It pokes fun
at the Taliban's brutal
oppression of women
and lets the country
know why we're fighting.
No, it doesn't.
It's Luke Scott
dumping every Muslim
in the world together.
Ah.
"Ah" what?
It's not going on
'cause it's Luke's.
We've all been there, Matt.
Been where?
She broke up with you,
she's going out with him,
so you're cutting a sketch
even though it resonates
with Americans who are...
It resonates if you want
to endorse a pogrom.
Then change Muslims
to "muftis" or "mullahs."
Is he...?
I don't think many Americans
are taking time right now
to distinguish between mullahs,
muftis and Muslims.
I think if you rewrote
the sketch a little bit
you could make it
clear that America has
no problem with Muslims,
only with the radical
fundamentalists.
We have our own radical
fundamentalists
right here I can write
sketches about.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Well, it's talk like that
that's got us scared.
Don't be.
Thanks.
Look, I'm scared
of getting blown up.
I'm scared of getting
hit by a car.
I'm scared of spiders.
I'm just not scared of talk.
Tell Wes you want to cut
the Karl Rove sketch.
No.
Okay, here's what we'll do.
You get the ad reps
to the dress tomorrow;
you tell them nothing.
If a lot of them have
a problem with the
sketch, we'll cut it.
You will?
We will?
We will.
Your word?
Yeah.
Thank you.
What was that?
I'm scared of other things.
Hey, Leon.
You asked for me?
Do me a favor, okay?
There's a story out there
that Tom's estranged from
his brother-- it's not true.
It's not close to true,
and it's upsetting Tom.
Can you help us with it?
Yeah, I'll do what I can.
Thanks.
But how is he?
He's fine.
The point is, they're
as close as I've ever
seen two brothers.
They e-mail each
other all the time,
they talk on the phone
whenever they can.
Tom and his parents
live and die with...
They followed you here?
Hey, let me ask you
one question.
Is Tom sedated?
Who's with him?
I'm not answering
any questions.
Come on, who's with him?
An air force captain,
Mark's commander from Nellis,
uh, his parents
and the entire cast and crew.
No one's left the building?
No one's left.
Simon, is it possible
that NBS let the story leak
to boost the ratings?
What?
Come on.
Do you think NBS let it
leak that was Tom's brother
in order to boost
West Coast ratings?
Simon, get out of here.
Are you stupid?
Are you simply a stupid man?
I'm just doing my job.
How about I do my job
and bust you in your head?
Are you threatening me?
Simon!
You guys like making
this entertainment?
Come on, it's the Sunset Strip.
Matt.
Yeah?
Okay.
This is potentially
good news.
Trask is pretty sure the
group that captured Jeter,
Valdez and Smith is led
by a Taliban commander
named Asadullah Rashiq.
He's come out of hiding
and discovered that
kidnapping civilians
can help fund his
heroin business.
This is what passes
for good news?
Yeah. Because if it's him,
it means there's a good chance
you can buy them all back.
I think it's time you
and Jack Rudolph had a talk
with someone who knows
what they're talking about.
Oh, God.
What?
It was you people who helped
get us into this. It was you.
That war, it never ended.
You just lost interest in it.
Cal, what's he doing?
'Cause like the rest
of this country,
you've got the attention span
of a damn six-year-old.
This whole country is nothing
but a bunch of idiot teenagers,
and if every one of you
was mowed down by friendly fire,
I'd pop a bottle of Cristal!
Yeah, we got a
whole new story.
Jack, the show's not going
to be good on Friday.
It can't be.
Doesn't have
to be good.
Just has to be on.
Wes Mandel is recovering
from a heart attack,
which means you two
are in charge of the
most valuable property
this network
has ever owned.
You don't take shots
at Bush,
you don't take shots
at America.
Feel free to make fun
of Hollywood.
Three American soldiers
were ambushed
in their truck on a road
in Paktika, Afghanistan.
One of them is Mark Jeter.
He's a hostage.
My firm has offices
around the world.
We consult on
K&R insurance.
That's "Kidnap and Ransom."
Just for the sake of...
whatever, would you be able to
make a couple of phone calls
and find out more?
Yeah.
Tom Jeter.
Yes, sir.
Captain David Boyle.
I'm Mark's commanding officer
at Nellis Air Force Base.
This is Lieutenant Jim Pierce.
He's our chaplain.
Do you have anyone
that you can call,
family or
friends?
Danny Tripp.
Is that the father?
No, but he wants to be.
The baby's choking.
Just a little bit.
Just a little bit?!
Danny.
And Jordan's blood pressure
is very high
so shouting isn't going to help.
Danny.
What's going on?
Everything's fine.
Dr. Bremmer's
got her in surgery.
Isn't this taking an unusually
long time for a C-section?
I don't really know.
This is my first C-section.
Excellent.
When we opened her
up, we could see
right away there was a deep
invasion of the trophoblast
with variable amounts
of fragmentation
of the cotyledons.
I don't know what
any of that means.
Yeah, me neither.
Doctor?
She's bleeding internally
because the placenta's
still attached.
She's bleeding internally?
Yeah.
Isn't that...
Is that
life-threatening?
Well, going to the corner for
a newspaper's life-threatening.
Kid, I will beat you up.
She's fine.
We're gonna remove
the placenta
and stop the bleeding.
She's fine?
She's gonna be fine.
She's gonna be fine?
Yeah.
When... when would you say
that's gonna be?
Well, we started her off on
a local, but now she's under
general anesthesia 'cause
she's at risk for seizures.
Yeah. I hear "risk,"
I hear "seizure."
Take it easy.
Go across the street,
get a drink.
I can't.
I'm an alcoholic.
Bummer for you.
Yeah. I know.
I'm gonna go
back in there.
Hey. Uh, listen,
before, you know,
I said some things
about your age.
I made disparaging
comments about your age.
You guys, you don't
ever take that out on
the patients, do you?
Yeah, all the time.
Doctor...
Danny, I'm "Jess," okay?
Everything's gonna be fine.
There's nothing you're
not telling me?
Wait.
Yes?
She's under general
anesthesia?
Yeah.
Isn't that dangerous
for the baby?
Oh, the baby's been delivered.
What?
Baby's been delivered.
She's great.
The baby's
been delivered?
Yeah.
The baby's out?
She's here?
Yeah.
The baby's been born?
Yeah.
All right, Jess,
I-I-I said
there's nothing
you're not telling me.
I forgot.
You forgot you
delivered the baby?
I should have
written it down. That's me.
Where can I see her?
Not quite yet.
She's in the NICU.
That's intensive care.
Yeah.
Why?
She's a couple
weeks early.
We want to monitor her
heart rate and blood gases
and keep her under
a heat lamp.
But she's fine?
Six pounds, two ounces.
She's only six... No, wait.
That's-that's exactly
what she's supposed to be.
Get ahold of yourself.
Do you have a friend
who can come down
and sit with you and
just help you relax?
Danny!
Danny!
Sorry, we're late,
but Racer X here
was driving.
We hit a parking meter.
You kept shouting,
"Turn left! Turn left!"
Yeah, at the street.
These are the
calming influences.
Okay. I'm going
to head back in.
What's happened?
She's bleeding
internally.
Why?
There's been a deep invasion
of trophoblast into the
superficial muscle.
What does
that mean?
I don't know.
that at film school,
but the doctor seems
to think everything's
gonna be okay.
Was that
the doctor?
Yeah.
That guy?
Yeah.
What is he, 15?
He's pretty young.
Yes, he is.
What are you making him
nervous for?
I'm concerned that
Doogie Howser
is working on my friend
and her baby.
The baby was delivered.
What?
Six pounds,
two ounces.
I can't see her yet, but
they say she's doing great.
Also, I got engaged.
What?
You did it!
Yeah.
What are you...?
When?
When did I ask?
Yeah.
Right before she went in.
I-I asked, I gave her the ring,
she said yes.
Well, I hadn't finished
writing the proposal.
I know.
Which draft
did you use?
Hang on.
I didn't use any.
You ad-libbed?
I had to.
I was working on this great
marriage proposal for him.
What do you want me to do?
The text.
You can't
just wing it.
It worked.
Well, mine would've
worked better.
How?
Will the two
of you shut up?
Okay.
All right.
You asked Jordan
to marry you?
Yeah.
And you knew
about this?
Hey, I was supposed to be
the Cyrano,
and then he goes off...
It was a little long.
It was weighty.
Fat-- it's
called fat.
Well, you have
to deliver it with...
I will kill you both
in a hospital.
You're engaged.
Yep.
And there's a baby.
Yeah.
'Cause, like an hour ago,
none of that was true.
Things are moving fast tonight.
Capture:FRM@????
What's happening with Tom?
He's back
at the theater.
I know that.
Oh. He's with
two officers--
Mark's commander
and a chaplain.
Yeah?
Yeah, news got out
that it's Tom's brother,
so the press
is camped outside.
There's no new news
out of Afghanistan?
I think you got to take that
off your plate for a few hours.
Why?
I'm all right.
You've got enough.
She's gonna be fine.
I'm sure
you're right.
But right now, she's bleeding
and your stepdaughter-to-be
is in the ICU,
and I really think
that's all you should
have to think about.
You know, I hate saying this,
but Harriet's right.
I can take care of
everything back at...
Let's stop calling her
my stepdaughter.
She's my daughter.
She started being that
the moment she was born.
And I really wouldn't mind
meeting her
if that isn't too much to ask!
Easy does it.
All right, here's what
I need you to do.
Go back to the theater,
and try and normalize
things with everybody.
Well, that's not
gonna happen.
No, but the process of trying
is gonna give everyone
something to do.
Did you set a date?
What?
Did you two
set a date?
And we chose a caterer
while she was in pre-op.
Women and weddings.
I know.
Go back to the theater.
All right,
I'm going back,
but Harriet's staying here.
You don't need to...
Stay here with him.
Is there anything
you need from me?
No.
Are you sure?
What would I need from you?
I don't know. I was...
Call me every ten minutes,
let me know
what's going on.
We need your car;
I took your car.
My parents are in the green room
with the chaplain.
I can't remember his name.
Lieutenant Pierce.
The doctor's given my mother
a shot of a sedative
called Atrividium.
Yeah.
My father's
taking shots
of a sedative
called Johnny Walker Red.
All right, you can't tell me
if there's
a rescue mission underway.
No.
You can't tell me
if you think
there's a rescue mission
underway.
If, in your experience...
No.
No what?
No, I can't tell
you anything.
Even if the building
weren't surrounded
by reporters right now, I still
couldn't tell you anything.
But Lord Almighty, kid,
just how famous are you?
Not that famous.
There's just nothing
else going on tonight.
There are two wars.
Well, now they're
covering one of 'em.
You got any relatives
who could get captured
in the Ninth Ward
of New Orleans?
You've got a strange
sense of humor.
Hey, I'm not the one
who went on TV
a few hours ago
doing "Healthy Cooking
with Nicolas Cage."
Neither am I; that's Alex
Dwyer who does Nic Cage.
Which one are you?
Which one am...
What does it matter?
Just making
conversation.
I do Bush, I do
John Edwards,
I do Donald Trump,
I do whatever.
You do Muhammad.
I did tonight.
Muhammad
the Thin-Skinned Prophet.
You can't be trying
to tell me that my
brother's up there
because I made fun
of Muhammad tonight.
Yeah, kid, I'm sure
the Taliban watches Studio 60.
Maybe they TiVo it.
What is your
job here?
Comfort.
You're not very good at it.
I keep trying
to tell them that.
There's nothing you know?
There's a lot I know.
There's just nothing
I can tell you.
Do you know
how he's being treated?
I'm sorry?
You heard me.
I honestly didn't.
Do you know how
he's being treated?
No.
Yes, you do.
Is he being beaten up?
It's not a good idea
to engage in hypotheticals.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right,
it's probably not.
Except this isn't
a hypothetical,
this is actually happening!
You want to hit me?
What?
If you want to hit me,
it's okay.
Looking at you
and looking at me,
doesn't seem like it'll hurt.
I think I can use
a sedative myself.
Now we're talking.
You're such a jackass.
I know.
Can you believe they
made me a captain?
Yeah, I can believe
anything now.
You'll be able to
see him soon, Luce.
What?
You'll be able to see him soon.
I'd like to be able
to see him now.
I know, but he's
in a certain... you know,
and he doesn't want
to take it out on you.
He can take anything he wants
out on me right now,
I'm his girlfriend.
The military guys know
what they're doing.
Yeah, I can tell
by the way Mark's
blindfolded and in chains.
Where's Darius?
With Tom's parents.
What are you guys doing?
We're just surfing
for information.
The conservatives
didn't like the cold open.
What are you talking about?
Leave it alone.
The Tony Snow press
conference, troop surge,
they didn't like it.
Show me where you are.
Luce...
What, they're saying
they didn't like it?
Did you expect them
to like it?
No, but it was Tom's
sketch and they know
what's happening.
Why would they still
weigh in with their opinions?
Don't read anymore.
No, I will.
Luce, you don't want
to read anymore.
Hello.
What's going on
at the hospital?
Jordan is in surgery.
She's bleeding internally, but
they say she's gonna be fine.
That's all?
No.
There's a little
bit more.
Yeah.
She delivered the baby.
She delivered the baby?
Yeah.
Two weeks early?
Yeah, but the baby's fine.
16 pounds, two ounces.
16 pounds?!
Is that not normal?
Did she give birth
to a tuna fish?
Matty...
Yeah?
Six pounds.
Six pounds.
The point is
the baby's fine.
She's under observation,
but she's perfectly
healthy and fine.
Anything else?
No.
Matty?
Yes. Great news.
Danny and Jordan are engaged.
They're engaged?
Yeah.
To be married?
No, no, just in
a conversation.
Yes, they're engaged
to be married.
Whoa!
What the hell?!
Luce.
Sorry.
I... I told her
not to read it.
Read what?
The Angry Pajama People.
We were surfing the Net
for anything
about Tom's brother.
I landed on a site...
What did she read?
"Let's face some
facts, people.
"Hollywood is a land
of liberals, fags and traitors.
You reap what you sow."
He means "S-O-W,"
but he spelled it like
a needle and thread.
"You reap what you sew,
and Jeter's brother's
paying the price."
The whole site's
like that.
Obviously, no one's
going anywhere...
Except for a
sub-genre of posts
suggesting it's
all a publicity stunt
to prop up our ratings.
Look, forget it.
Nobody's going home
for awhile.
Danny and I think it'd be
a good idea for us all
to stay here and stay busy.
Good, let's start on
a sketch about how well
we've all been served
by all those who
"face the facts, people,
Simon...
and reap what they knit."
Let's...
Sorry. I meant
"reap what they sew."
Not this week.
It's six years later.
Not this week.
And I don't think those
Toby Keith patriots
feel stupid enough.
Not this week.
Why not?
'Cause he got sucked into this
six years ago,
and I don't want it
to happen again.
And since when we do the show
to make someone feel stupid?
I didn't get sucked in.
Matt.
I didn't get
sucked in,
Cal, I walked in.
Matt.
I walked in.
All right, everybody,
settle down.
Settle down.
Danny and I just came back from
Jack Rudolph's office.
We went there with Wes'
permission to ask
if we could not go on
the air Friday night.
And?
We're going on the air
Friday night.
Fat ass.
Yeah, well,
nevertheless,
we're going on the air
Friday night.
And he had rather strict
instructions about content.
Like what?
There shouldn't be any.
Seriously, like what kind of
instructions about content?
Well, you know,
no attacks at Bush,
no attacks at the White House.
Come on,
you guys know what he means.
Let's go around the room.
Bush says the most
important thing we can all do
is shop.
How about Freedom Shoppers?
Did you just hear me say
we're not doing that?
It's a new game show
with Regis Philbin.
Denny...
Who Wants To Be Free?
Contestants would compete for
the opportunity to go shopping.
All right, let's stop
kidding around.
We got a show to do.
What else we got?
Barry Bonds hit
his 73rd home run.
Okay, well,
that's not funny at all.
Eminem and Kim Basinger
are gonna do a movie together.
When does it come out?
About a year and a half.
Okay, well, let's
wait till then to
do the sketch.
What else we got?
Deb, what are you reading?
New York Times.
Anything?
Karl Rove was out here.
He wants the studios to make
films that are more patriotic.
Shopping and movies-- that's
exactly how we won World War II.
Man, he said knock it off.
White House is making
movie pitches?
Yeah.
Okay, well, let's...
save that 'cause Rudolph
was pretty clear about...
Mm, yeah,
he didn't want to...
???
...memorial service
at the Pentagon this morning,
President Bush vowed
to destroy terror
with "every weapon
in the U.S. arsenal"
as he marked one month since
the September 11th attacks.
Meanwhile, air strikes continue
in Afghanistan
for the fifth consecutive day
and military officials say
it'll be a matter of weeks,
not days, before they secure
Taliban-held regions
of Afghanistan.
Weeks?
Yeah.
It's gonna take weeks
to beat these guys?
Hey, you know what I
was just thinking about?
We should delay
the season premiere
until this thing is over.
We're doing okay,
you and me.
We're gonna be able to run
this show when Wes retires.
We're doing all right.
First of all, Wes
is never gonna retire.
Second, we haven't
done anything yet.
And, third, should we be talking
about taking over for Wes
when he's in a hospital
with a heart attack?
He had the heart
attack already.
It's not a continuing
condition.
You're right.
Let's raid his fridge.
How's it going?
It's a piece in the paper
about Karl Rove
coming out here.
Yeah?
Yeah, he met with a studio
and network heads and
reps from the guilds.
That story is
three days old.
Yeah, but I just read it.
What were you reading
three days ago?
Anything that doesn't
have anything to do
with things we're not
allowed to do this week.
I've been looking
at news on J.Lo.
Anything?
No.
No, look, the White House sent
the most senior counselor
to the president to LA
to tell us to make
more patriotic product.
As a matter of fact,
that's not what happened.
He was invited out here
by a couple of people,
including a writer.
The writer's name
is Lionel Chetwynd
who's to the right
of Harriet Hayes.
The other executives showed up
'cause they didn't want
their names to end up on
a list for not showing up.
One of those executives
was Jack Rudolph.
You're making
my point for me.
I have no idea
what your point is.
Danny...
There were no instructions
given on content.
I'm not accusing
anybody of anything.
We're all on the same side.
Then what are you saying?
That it's funny.
What is?
Karl Rove...
in a conference room
with studio and network heads
trying to beat the terrorists
with movie pitches.
You're talking
about a sketch?
That's all
This is what Jack
told us not to do.
No, he said it was okay
to make fun of Hollywood.
In fact, he encouraged it.
Look, we went over
there to his office
and said we shouldn't
be on the air yet.
He said no.
If we go on the air
with sketches
that ignore the world,
then we're irrelevant.
I hate being irrelevant.
I know.
Okay, give me a first
draft I can run by Wes.
Good.
Hey, Matt.
Yeah?
Please remember
that neither one of us
have lives.
I agree.
What do you mean?
Try not to get us fired.
Show's the only thing
I have right now.
I don't see that changing
any time soon.
I'd like to see my daughter.
You need an ID bracelet.
What's that?
An ID bracelet.
I don't have an ID bracelet.
What am I, Joey Buttafuoco?
A hospital ID bracelet.
HIPAA regulations.
Miss...
Nurse.
Miss Nurse.
Just Nurse.
I'm not gonna
steal the baby.
Well, that's what people
who steal babies say.
They don't come
into a hospital
and announce their intention
to steal a baby.
That's why we have
strict regulations.
You're not even on the
visitor's authorization list.
No one's on the visitor's
authorization list.
Danny...
She was rushed into surgery.
Says on the chart the mother
was here for almost two hours
before she was brought
into the OR.
Yes.
That's true, but we're
sitting out there waiting.
We didn't know that...
Now if the real father...
I'm the real father.
The biological father.
The biological
father's a twerp.
Do you see him around
here anywhere?
By the way, I'm
a little tweaked
that he got to sleep
with my fiance.
You know who I am,
you know what's going on.
I'm entitled to see her.
Isn't that like a man?
Baby's not even home yet
and he's already saying
what he's entitled to
and how his needs
aren't being met
ever since the baby
was born.
What are you talking about?!
Okay...
That is my daughter
in the ICU.
And I want her to see
that there is a big
grown man who's gonna take care
of her for the rest of her life
starting now.
No.
It's gonna have to be starting
when you get an ID bracelet.
Excuse me.
Now I'm thinking about
stealing the baby.
Let me take care
of this.
What are you
going to do?
I'm gonna talk
woman to woman.
What did she say?
You can't see her
without the bracelet.
Good work.
She's a big fan of
my work, though.
Then she'll be disappointed
when I fire you.
You want a Mento?
Could you get some
news on Tom?
You're not supposed to be
thinking about that.
Get some news on Tom!
You know with the baby,
if you shout like that...
Get some news on Tom.
Better.
Is it okay to
smoke in here?
Uh...
You and your brother
sure took...
different paths.
Yeah.
Which of you
is the black sheep?
Me.
He's a good engineer.
I know.
We, uh...
we repaired an airstrip
outside Kabul together
on his first tour.
It was... January,
10 degrees,
40 mile per hour winds.
We just wanted to get
the hell out of there.
But he convinced me
we had to stay
another day.
He said if the water
to cement ratio wasn't lowered,
then another team would just
have to come back in six months
and do it again.
He said he didn't want
some kid put in danger
because he'd laid
lousy cement.
Yeah.
How you doing,
my brother?
Why is everyone still here?
Oh, nobody's
going anywhere
until you're out
of the woods.
Your mom's asleep.
They shot her up with
a couple hundred cc's
of something.
And your dad was asking,
so I had somebody
take him over
to a chapel
with that, uh, Lieutenant
Pierce, the chaplain.
Thanks.
There's wall-to-wall news
on TV and no information.
What's going on?
Is... is there
a negotiation,
is there a rescue mission?
Is the Red Cross involved?
Is the UN involved?
What's happening?
I can't tell you that.
Why the hell not?
Well, for one thing,
I don't know who you are.
I'm Simon Stiles,
I'm a cast member here.
I'm his best friend,
and I'm the guy
who' talking
to you right now.
Well, I guess
that's enough to clear you
for classified
information.
Look, chief...
It's captain.
And don't front off
with me.
I'm not in show business,
and I'm not from the hood.
What is he here for?
Comfort.
All right, quiet down.
Listen up.
There's been a lot
of rumors flying around,
but chances are whatever
you think you know is wrong,
so here it is.
There's no new information
on Tom's brother.
Jordan's still in surgery, but
Danny says everything is fine.
She delivered--
six pounds, two ounces.
Not 16 pounds, which would be
too many... pounds.
She's a healthy,
beautiful baby girl.
Danny's seen her?
No.
You just said
she was beautiful.
We assume these things, Alex.
Is there anything else?
No.
Matt?
Oh, uh, Jordan
and Danny are engaged.
And that is all the information.
Why are there pieces
of a computer lying
on the floor?
I threw it
against the wall.
Okay.
The Nocturnal Nut Brigade
came after Tom on the Internet.
The Pajama People?
Yeah.
Don't worry about it.
Here's what we're going to do.
Danny wants us to stay
together and stay busy,
so Cal and I thought
it'd be a good idea
to do the Sunday postmortem now,
Friday night, which
is now Saturday morning.
You want to do it now?
Yeah, so, let's go from the top.
What did we do wrong tonight?
Well, I said "Live from Studio
City on the Sunset Strip."
Yes, and you know
the name of the show
is Studio 60
on the Sunset Strip.
Yes.
And you know this because
you've been announcing
the show
for 20 years.
Yes.
Okay, that's done. What's next?
Matt?
Yeah.
If the baby's
been delivered,
why is Jordan still in the OR?
She's bleeding,
'cause of the thing...
The placenta.
Yeah.
She has placenta
accreta.
Well, Danny says
it's not serious.
It's not serious.
My wife had it.
That's why I'm asking
why Jordan is still in the OR.
She's been in there
for two hours, Matt.
Well, Danny says...
There's something
they're not telling Danny.
Something's going wrong.
All right...
All right, the show announce,
Studio City...
That's gonna haunt me.
It's been 20 years,
you were due.
At 1:22 of the show clock,
we had a four second sound drop,
beginning with Tom's line,
"The President has always held
this will be a long fight."
We'll match sound from
the dress for syndication.
You think she's been
in there too long?
I'm not a doctor...
Excuse me.
Yeah.
What's going on?
Hang on.
I'll call you back.
How is she?
How is she?
Relax.
Matt, I'm gonna
tell you how she is,
but I'm gonna use some words
that sound worse than they are.
Go ahead.
Jordan was
completely repaired
and we felt confident
that she could
sustain future
pregnancies.
She was completely repaired?
She went into shock when
we wheeled her into...
What happened?
recovery.
She went into shock?
Take it easy.
Her clotting factors were
consumed exponentially
during the initial
bleeding.
That means that her body can't
stop itself from bleeding
at the initial
incision site.
So what do you do?
Well, we closed her up,
but what's developed is DIC
which is disseminated
intravascular
coagulopathy.
That's a scary way of
saying that she won't clot.
Yeah, it worked. I'm scared.
Don't be.
The head of Hematology's
in charge now,
he's administering drugs
he as confidence in.
Is she conscious?
Yes, but
extremely groggy,
and we're going
to keep her that way
in case we have
to open her up again.
Danny, I promise you
that I will let you
know when to panic.
These are post-op
complications,
we're going to be out
of the woods by sunrise.
Is there anything
that I can do for you?
They won't let me see the baby.
Annette?
Yes, sir.
Get him a damn bracelet.
I can't
do that, Doctor.
Then at least let him
stand outside the NICU.
Let's go for God's sake,
come on.
Give us a few minutes.
Did he seem nervous to you?
No.
Matt...
So, what's going on?
It's all going to be okay.
Yeah, I know it is.
What's going on?
They're taking care of her.
Andy said that
with what she's got,
she shouldn't be in surgery
this long.
There were complications.
All right,
I'm coming back there.
No, stay where you are.
I need to know
Tom's gonna be okay.
What are the complications?
They can't get her
to stop bleeding.
It's not a big deal.
It's gonna be fine.
Matty, he says it sounds
scarier than it is.
All right, I'll be right here.
Stay there.
Is there press?
Do I need to ask?
They've got us surrounded.
We're bunkered in.
They want a shot of Tom.
Well, at least it's a render
that we never quite finished
the first war.
I don't think Tom
needs any reminding.
Keep calling me. I will.
Keep calling me.
15 minutes goes by without
me hearing from you,
I'm driving over there
with a police escort.
Where are you getting
a police escort from?
I will commit a crime
and lead them in
a high-speed chase if I have to.
I am not kidding around.
All right.
Harry, you can
look all you want,
but you're never
gonna find a guy
better than him.
Let's go wash
your hands and face.
You're gonna meet your kid.
I'll be back in just
a couple of minutes.
Cal, Andy,
keep running the postmortem.
All right.
This one is on me.
I blew a camera cue.
Where?
I'm still on "Tony Snow."
I couldn't snap.
You couldn't snap?
There was popcorn with butter,
and I couldn't snap.
They didn't hear me
call it right away.
Moving to 7-B.
Uh, I'd to stay on
"Tony Snow" a second.
All right.
What do you have?
It was wrong.
What?
The sketch, it was wrong.
You don't think we should
have opened with it?
No, I'm fine
opening with it,
but the sketch
was wrong.
The premise was Press
Secretary paints a rosy picture.
Yeah.
That's what Press
Secretaries are paid to do.
The targets of comedy
should have been
the people who
are buying it.
Not a lot of people
buying it anymore.
Yeah, anymore.
That bandwagon's lightened up
a little bit since the old days,
and I think the comedy's
in the people
who broke their ankles
jumping off.
All right, noted.
What did Matt mean when
he said he walked into it?
What?
You said Matt got
sucked into it the first time,
and he said he walked into it.
Okay, so, a slate,
maybe an offscreen V.O.
"Holly Hunter screen test
for Silence of the Lambs."
ALEX (as Hannibal Lecter):
What became of your lamb,
Clarice?
I don't know.
I didn't have any food,
any water,
it was very, very cold.
I thought if I could
save just one...
You know this actually
sounds like Jodie Foster.
I know.
Uh, keep going.
I thought if I could
save just one,
but he was
very, very heavy.
Now it's Colonel Sanders.
That wasn't Colonel Sanders.
Okay, then it was Colonel
Sanders' mother or something.
All right, uh,
rough cut away
to a new slate,
also probably with
an offscreen V.O.,
"Holly Hunter screen
test for Gladiator."
My brother
had Gracchus arrested.
We daren't
wait any longer.
We must leave tonight.
Your servant Cicero will be
waiting there with horses.
Let me try
that again.
Your servant Cicero
will be waiting
there with horses...
Can I help you?
Uh, can you give us a minute?
I, uh, read ahead
in the packet.
Yeah.
The Karl Rove sketch.
It's not
a Karl Rove sketch.
It says "Karl Rove
Sketch" at the top.
Jerry, we just name these things
so we can remember
what they are.
Yeah, I can change
the name of it.
It doesn't matter
what you name it.
There are 45 sketches
in this packet.
Forty-seven.
There are 47 sketches
in that packet,
we're gonna do the best ten.
Come on, let's not
go round and round.
We haven't even
read it yet.
I've read it.
No. Out loud.
By actors.
Does it get less
inflammatory if it's
read out loud?
I don't think it's inflammatory.
Jack met with you,
he told me he did.
Yeah.
And he said
nothing anti-American.
This isn't anti-American.
Oh, come on, Jerry.
That's a big
overstatement.
There's nothing
...were pitching around ideas
for TV series and movies.
It's mocking patriotism.
I think we get away with it
because it's Hollywood.
Because it's Hollywood.
It's not mocking
patriotism.
And I got to be honest with you,
I resent that,
and you have cut
sketches of mine before
and that has never
been the case.
Well, I'm sorry if...
It's not
mocking patriotism,
It's mocking patriotism
being good for business,
which is what's happening
here right now.
I really don't care how
you interpret my decision,
but it is my decision.
I have 12 other
shows to vet.
Screw it.
Jerry.
Yeah?
Is it your decision to make?
Yeah.
This isn't a standards issue.
We're not saying any words
you're not allowed to say.
Danny...
Nobody's taking
their clothes off
or teaching anybody
how to make methamphetamine.
This is content.
Call it what you want.
I think you're taking advantage
of the fact that Wes isn't here
'cause you know he'd have thrown
your ass out of the building
20 minutes ago and done
whatever sketch he wanted to.
I want you to assume
that we are Wes
and that's what's happening now.
If for no other reason
than the two of you
have a chance to be executive
producers of this show one day,
don't do things stupidly now.
Matt?
Yeah.
You've been
standing out here.
Well, I saw you
were on the phone.
The guys in London
are talking to the
guys in Islamabad
who are talking
to the guys in Kabul.
And?
They're trying
to find out some things.
Is this a realistic idea
worth pursuing or
is this just some...
This is not
fly-by-night.
Well, neither am I.
I'm not saying do it.
I'm saying
let them find out
who and what
we're talking about.
Let them find out
who the players are.
If all three guys
are still together, if...
All right.
How's Jordan?
Oh, she's having some
post-op complications.
Like what?
They can't seem to
stop her from bleeding.
She's got intravascular
coagulation. DIC.
You know medicine, too?
A little bit.
Are you and Jordan close?
Yeah. I like her a lot.
My best friend's
in love with her.
So...
Yeah?
By the way,
they're engaged now.
Danny and Jordan?
Yeah. He proposed to her
right before she went
in for a C-Section.
He didn't use the
material I wrote,
but she said yes anyway.
That's great.
They're going to let him
see the baby in a minute.
Yeah?
Yeah. I should go check...
Matt?
Yeah?
Nothing.
What?
He shouldn't...
Forget it.
Mary?
He shouldn't
see the baby.
Danny shouldn't make a
connection with the baby.
Why not?
You know why not.
No, I-I don't.
Mary, I swear to God I don't.
If something happens
with Jordan...
Jordan's going to be fine.
If something
happens with Jordan,
an engagement ring
doesn't give Danny any
rights with the baby.
Hi.
It's okay now.
I've got your back.
Has Mark received
any kind of education
in this kind of situation?
Are they taught what to do
in this kind of situation?
Yes, he's received Law of
Armed Conflict Training.
That's six articles
that provide a guideline
for conduct in a POW
situation along with
the applicable rules
of the Geneva convention.
But Mark's not a POW,
they keep telling us so.
Well the they you're talking
about doesn't know
what they're talking about,
but yes,
he's being held
by a militia.
Either way, I'm sure the Afghans
have their pocket copies
of the Geneva conventions
in their briefcases
and take them just
as seriously as we did.
What's he doing
up there?
Is that Russell?
What's he doing up there?
Is he a friend
of yours?
No. I mean, we worked here
together for couple months.
Now you were employed
at Studio 60 from...?
They've run out
of experts.
Don't listen
to them, Tom.
1998 to 2002.
And you were a talent
coordinator for the show?
Well, a talent coordinator
and then a segment producer.
You were Tom Jeter's boss?
Yes.
When were you
ever my boss?
Russell, reports
on the Internet say Tom
and his brother, Mark, have been
estranged for a few years.
What the hell?
I think that's accurate.
What the hell is
he talking about?
Turn it off, Tom.
Do you think it was because
of the war, that Tom's brother
went off to fight the war?
Well, I don't like to
speculate, but, uh...
Oh, do.
I think it's safe
to say that
everybody over there was
pretty much against the war.
What in the hell
is this guy...
Don't listen to it, Tom.
I want that corrected.
Don't worry about it.
We're not estranged.
Don't worry about it.
We're not estranged.
We e-mail each other every...
I want that corrected!
Don't...
Stop saying that;
if we're gonna do
one thing right...
we're gonna do that;
I'm going out there.
No.
I'm talking to those guys.
I want that corrected.
You can't.
Get out of my way.
You can't.
Get out of my way.
I'll go.
Tom, I'll go.
Leon Cushman's out there
from the Post, okay?
I have a relationship with him;
I'll talk to him alone.
Tell him to fix it.
Tell him to tell
everybody else.
I will.
It's fine.
George, I need you.
Yes, sir?
Have one of your guys
go out there
and find a reporter
named Leon Cushman.
Have them very quietly
tell him to meet me--
use my name-- to meet
me by the side door
in the alley at
the loading dock.
Manny.
Thank you.
In "Blind Date,"
the rewrite just didn't
make it to the floor,
so they were doing
the old pages...
Jeannie.
Yeah?
I need you to come with me.
Where?
Leon Cushman's gonna
meet me on the side
of the building.
There's a story out there
that Tom and Mark are estranged.
Leave it alone.
Tom wants it fixed.
Leon Cushman's gonna
meet me at the side
of the building.
I'm gonna talk to him
for half a minute,
and I just want
you there with me.
Sure, but why?
Leon wants to sleep
with you-- he'll do this
for me to impress you.
He doesn't want
to sleep with me.
Jeannie, this isn't
the time to be delicate,
so I'll just say
there's no such thing
as someone who doesn't
want to sleep with you.
Is it smart to be talking
to the press?
We'll be fine.
Really?
What are you worried about?
A rerun of six years ago.
Secretary Donald Rumsfeld
stated today
that bin Laden was probably
still in Afghanistan,
and many Americans
are wondering how close
the US is to capturing him.
Yesterday, the President
released a list of the 22
most wanted criminals
Excuse me.
that have connections
to terrorism...
What's that?
It's a fig leaf.
Your prop master gave it to me.
See, I've got
a sense of humor, too.
No, he's got a sense of
humor-- that's poison ivy.
It's fake poison ivy,
and I think
you meant it as
an olive branch.
But what do you need?
You know what I need.
Wes talked to Jack; Wes
says it stays in the show.
And Jack needs you to speak
to Wes 'cause you can't
put the sketch on the air,
and Jack can't tell Wes not to.
We think the sketch--
Wes, Matt, myself--
we think that the sketch...
You think the sketch...
Why not take the
guesswork out of it
and cut the sketch?
It would be our preference
not to be on at all,
but we were turned down.
If we are going to be on,
we can't ignore
that there's...
You're not ignoring it.
You've got the sketch
based on the thing,
the kids show...
"Muslims Say
the Darndest Things."
Yes.
We're not doing that one.
You're cutting
the Muslim sketch?
Yes, we are, but
I can't help
but notice that that's
not at the request
of the network.
That one resonates.
It resonates?
It pokes fun
at the Taliban's brutal
oppression of women
and lets the country
know why we're fighting.
No, it doesn't.
It's Luke Scott
dumping every Muslim
in the world together.
Ah.
"Ah" what?
It's not going on
'cause it's Luke's.
We've all been there, Matt.
Been where?
She broke up with you,
she's going out with him,
so you're cutting a sketch
even though it resonates
with Americans who are...
It resonates if you want
to endorse a pogrom.
Then change Muslims
to "muftis" or "mullahs."
Is he...?
I don't think many Americans
are taking time right now
to distinguish between mullahs,
muftis and Muslims.
I think if you rewrote
the sketch a little bit
you could make it
clear that America has
no problem with Muslims,
only with the radical
fundamentalists.
We have our own radical
fundamentalists
right here I can write
sketches about.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Well, it's talk like that
that's got us scared.
Don't be.
Thanks.
Look, I'm scared
of getting blown up.
I'm scared of getting
hit by a car.
I'm scared of spiders.
I'm just not scared of talk.
Tell Wes you want to cut
the Karl Rove sketch.
No.
Okay, here's what we'll do.
You get the ad reps
to the dress tomorrow;
you tell them nothing.
If a lot of them have
a problem with the
sketch, we'll cut it.
You will?
We will?
We will.
Your word?
Yeah.
Thank you.
What was that?
I'm scared of other things.
Hey, Leon.
You asked for me?
Do me a favor, okay?
There's a story out there
that Tom's estranged from
his brother-- it's not true.
It's not close to true,
and it's upsetting Tom.
Can you help us with it?
Yeah, I'll do what I can.
Thanks.
But how is he?
He's fine.
The point is, they're
as close as I've ever
seen two brothers.
They e-mail each
other all the time,
they talk on the phone
whenever they can.
Tom and his parents
live and die with...
They followed you here?
Hey, let me ask you
one question.
Is Tom sedated?
Who's with him?
I'm not answering
any questions.
Come on, who's with him?
An air force captain,
Mark's commander from Nellis,
uh, his parents
and the entire cast and crew.
No one's left the building?
No one's left.
Simon, is it possible
that NBS let the story leak
to boost the ratings?
What?
Come on.
Do you think NBS let it
leak that was Tom's brother
in order to boost
West Coast ratings?
Simon, get out of here.
Are you stupid?
Are you simply a stupid man?
I'm just doing my job.
How about I do my job
and bust you in your head?
Are you threatening me?
Simon!
You guys like making
this entertainment?
Come on, it's the Sunset Strip.
Matt.
Yeah?
Okay.
This is potentially
good news.
Trask is pretty sure the
group that captured Jeter,
Valdez and Smith is led
by a Taliban commander
named Asadullah Rashiq.
He's come out of hiding
and discovered that
kidnapping civilians
can help fund his
heroin business.
This is what passes
for good news?
Yeah. Because if it's him,
it means there's a good chance
you can buy them all back.
I think it's time you
and Jack Rudolph had a talk
with someone who knows
what they're talking about.
Oh, God.
What?
It was you people who helped
get us into this. It was you.
That war, it never ended.
You just lost interest in it.
Cal, what's he doing?
'Cause like the rest
of this country,
you've got the attention span
of a damn six-year-old.
This whole country is nothing
but a bunch of idiot teenagers,
and if every one of you
was mowed down by friendly fire,
I'd pop a bottle of Cristal!
Yeah, we got a
whole new story.