Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (2006–2007): Season 1, Episode 19 - K&R: Part 1 - full transcript
A militia group takes Tom's brother (and two other airmen) hostage in Afghanistan, throwing the after-party into turmoil -- and lock-down, as the press discover the relationship. Jordan has pregnancy complications and is rushed to the hospital. Danny catches up as soon as he can. When the complications turn to a C-section, he proffers the engagement ring he's been carrying around; Jordan accepts. Mary Tate (lawyer) mentions that there are international liaisons who have a decent record of ransoming hostages. Matt wrestles with the implications, then asks her to sound them out. Due to the situation, he breaks their dinner date, although she continues to come on to him. All of this is set against flashbacks to 9/11 and the S60 season premier that Friday. Wes was in the hospital, leaving Matt & Danny in his stead. Jack refuses to postpone the premier, adding the restriction that they control their script content. We see the early conflicts leading up to their dismissal. The 2001 Jack is a less complete character (so far), but fun to meet. The 2001 Andy is a nice contrast. Harriet prays for the hostages, rekindling her running religious debate with Matt, including a lovely round of flashbacks through their years together. Harriet's religion enjoys a strong presentation, perhaps on par with Matt's agnostic (atheist) views, to which he adds a sight-only punctuation mark in the final seconds of the episode. Most of all, they're working *together* again, despite their differences.
Previously, on Studio 60...
Do you happen to know
if Tom got an e-mail
from his brother
before the show?
His parents called me--
they haven't heard
from his brother
in about 48 hours.
I can't feel the baby kick.
What does that mean?
I haven't felt her kick all day,
and if I drink orange juice,
usually I can get her to...
Three American soldiers
were ambushed
in their truck on a road
in Paktika, Afghanistan.
One of them
is Mark Jeter.
These things turn out okay.
???
Drive Jordan to Cedars-
Sanai emergency room.
She'll tell you
why on the way.
What do you want
to do now?
Is it the ratings?
Too early.
We're not even up
on the West Coast yet.
Then are we just being
summarily fired?
Is everybody here?
No, we're missing
Tom and Simon.
Hang on a second,
hang on.
Yeah, listen,uh...
You guys are scaring the hell
out of everybody.
All right.
About, uh, 20 minutes ago,
we found out--
it's on the news--
we found out that
Tom's brother
was one of three
airmen captured
on a road out
of Kandahar.
There's videos,
there are hostage demands.
Where's Tom?
Jack took him
over to NBS,
so we're gonna shut
down the party.
I don't think
that's a good idea.
Why?
'Cause right now the news
isn't reporting one of
them's the brother of a celebrity.
The longer we can wait
for that word...
He's right.
Yeah. A-All right.
Yeah. Uh, let the
party be a party.
Nobody says anything.
I want to talk to Tom.
Soon as he's done
getting some answers.
The video message first aired
approximately 40 minutes ago
on al Jazeera television,
and has since been rebroadcast
on all the major news channels.
Forensics experts...???
Tom.
Yeah?
Your friend Simon Stiles
is making a lot of
noise out there.
He's my friend.
Can he come in here?
This is just for family.
He's family.
When did it happen?
22 hours ago.
We're just
reporting it now?
We just found out about it
when al Jazeera put up the tape.
CentCom knew about it before the tape?
Jack...
we can deal with that
another time.
Your brother and two others
were transporting fuel
from Kandahar
to the village of Golam Kot.
His truck was ambushed.
By Taliban fighters?
Yeah.
And we know the tape
is legitimate?
DOD's verified the
identification of
all three soldiers.
They're makingthree demands.
Airmen.
I'm sorry?
They're not soldiers.
They're in the United States
Air Force-- they're airmen.
I'm sorry, son.
Airmen. They're making
three demands.
Yeah.
All U.S. and U.N. forces
leave the province
of Paktika,Afghanistan.
No problem.
And the U.S. will agree to no longer build women's...
Oh, my God.
Damn!
...were captured,
including Mark Jeter,
younger brother of Tom Jeter.
Are they out of their minds?
Jack.
Howard, they're gonna shut
their friggin' mouths right now.
Set up a conference call
right now with every...
The show completed
its live East Coast broadcast
???
How many hours has it been
since you felt your baby move?
At least six.
I've been drinking orange juice.
And when was the last time
you saw your ob-gyn?
Uh, two weeks ago.
Everything checked out?
Yeah. What do you think is wrong?
Probably nothing.
Diabetes?
No.
Allergies?
Shellfish.
Doctor?
Have you ever terminated
a pregnancy?
Jordan?
Yes. In 1999. Would that have...
Were there any complications?
Doctor?
No.
Yeah?
Her blood pressure.
Take it again.
I took it three times.
What's wrong?
Your blood pressure's 180/110.
What does that mean?
Eh, something's going on.
Let's get you to
a sonogram machine.
Oh, God.
Can you think of any reason
why your blood pressure
would be so high?
I'm a president of a network,
we're having ratings problems,
I'm having a fight
with my yfriend,
who's the sweetest man
in the world,
and the little brother
of a cast member of mine
has been taken hostage
in Afghanistan.
Wow.
Do you have anyone that you can call-- family or friends?
Danny Tripp.
Is that the father?
No, but he wants to be.
Damn it.
What?
Local news let it out
it's Tom's brother.
Jack's trying to shut them down.
These guys have been beaten up.
This one's got an ax in his hand.
Hey, just cool it.
Danny.
Not now.
It's Jordan.
What are they saying?
I'm coming.
Where's he going?
Jordan's at the emergency room.
Why is she
at the emergency room?
Uh, she hasn't felt
the baby kick in a while.
All right.
Almighty God...
???
Capture:FRM@δ??????
Sync:FRM@
Hi.
Um...
I just spoke to Tom.
And?
Well...
How is he?
He's all right--
there's a procedure
where a commander
and a chaplain
and a casualty officer
come to the...
family and wait with them.
Does he know
anything at all yet?
Mark's got a couple of things
working in his favor.
He's a captured soldier
rather than a
civilian hostage.
As a captured soldier,
he's got the power
of the U.S. armed forces
working towards his rescue.
Are they trying to rescue him?
Is that something...
They're not gonna tell
Tom or anybody else.
What's the other thing
working in his favor?
He's not Jewish.
Wow.
So if it was you over there
instead of Mark...
They'd be FedExing my head
to my parents right now.
Well, if it absolutely,
positively has to be there overnight.
We shouldn't be laughing.
Well, crying doesn't
do any good.
Didn't we have this
fight once before?
Haven't we had every fight
at least once before?
Seriously, I remember this one.
But we were on the other side.
It was the day the war started
in Afghanistan.
No, it was the day of the Emmys.
It was the day the war started.
No, they were the same day;
they postponed the Emmys
till October 'cause of 9/11.
Yeah.
And we all met here and were
getting drunk before we got
into the car and went
to the Shrine.
And you were all
fuhtutzed because...
Why?
I don't know, maybe
it had something
to do with being attacked by
terrorists four weeks earlier?
No. It was because
you couldn't tie your tie.
Does anybody know how
to tie a bow tie?
Anybody?
Excuse me,
you want to stop kissing
my ex-girlfriend
for a second?
Sorry.
Either of you know
how to tie a bow tie?
???
You want some more
champagne?
Yes.
Okay.
Come here.
Why didn't you just get a clip-on?
'Cause I'm from the East.
What does that mean?
It means a lot.
But you don't know
how to tie it,
I work in a building
with 14 professional
wardrobe mistresses.
I figured it wouldn't
be a problem.
Here,face me.
No. Wait.
Turn around-- let me
stand in back of you.
No, face me.
Harry...
Calm down.
Do I seem tense?
Hey!
Champagne cork.
Oh, wait, I know
why you're nervous.
I'm not nervous.
You're accepting
if we win?
Wes had Danny and I
flip a coin.
You'll be great.
We're not gonna win.
And we shouldn't
be going anyway.
Let me start this again.
Do you know
what you're doing?
Yes.
Really?
You think it's too early?
I think it's too early
for an awards show,
I think it's too early
for us to be going
on the air Friday night,
and I really think
it's too early for you
to be making out
with Luke in the hallway.
You broke up with me.
The two times before that, you broke up with me.
The time before that,
I broke up with you,
and the time before that,
you just hit me in the face
with a socket wrench.
Well, you seem to be
recovering nicely with
Miss Hawaiian Tropic.
She's a smart girl.
Is that right?
Well, she doesn't think
Adam and Eve
rode on a dinosaur
through the Garden of Eden.
Mm....
Matt?
Yeah?
I'm bored.
Are we going
to the InStyle after-party?
Uh, yes, yes, we are.
We have to...
wait for it to start.
Well, when does it start?
After.
The awards.
Why don't you get
some more champagne.
Lots more.
Shut up!
I'll be right there.
Okay.
Okay.
Matt...
I'm bored."
Harriet, Matt got promoted
to co-exec instead of me,
and now he's my boss,
so to piss him off
I'm gonna take you
to the Emmys.
You think Luke is back
with me to make you mad?
Mm, yes.
Sure, why would anyone
do anything except
to bother you?
Music stopped.
This isn't quite right.
Yeah.
Could you just staple
it or something,
or shove it
in your mouth?
It's way too early
for any of this.
I can't think of what
kinds of jokes to write
while steel is still smoldering
in downtown Manhattan.
???
I don't care about the coin
toss-- you're accepting tonight if we win.
I think they're gonna
cancel it again.
Why?
The war just started.
Hey, uh, I'm looking
for Jordan McDeere.
She's a pregnant woman, very pretty.
She's gonna be fine.
She's down the hall,
second door on the right.
Second door on
the right. Thanks.
What's going on?
I was hoping you could tell me.
There isn't a TV in here,
and nobody knows anything
about Tom's brother.
What's going on with you?
It's nothing.
We're in an emergency room!
They did a sonogram,
and the cord is wrapped
around the baby's neck.
What?
But it's okay.
The baby's choking?
It's okay-- it's not unusual.
How we doing?
What's going on?
Are you Daniel Tripp?
Yes.
Okay, the baby's having
decelerations.
His heart rate should be 120
to 180 beats per minute.
Her heart rate.
It's a girl.
Excuse me.
Her heart rate
is only 80 beats per minute.
But the-the... cord is wrapped
around her neck?
Yeah. That's what's causing
the deceleration.
So what do we do about that?
Nothing.
We just monitor the situation.
The baby's choking.
Just a little bit.
Just a little bit?!
Danny!
And Jordan's
blood pressure is very high,
so shouting
isn't gonna help.
So we just wait?
Yeah. The baby's
gonna untangle himself.
Herself.
It's okay.
How old are you?
I'll be 29 tomorrow.
Oh! Congratulations,
but, um...
I'm gonna call a real doctor.
Well...
Honey...
if I wasn't,
they wouldn't
let me work here.
What's your...
what's your specialty gonna be?
Sports medicine.
Okay, well,
if she tears a hamstring,
we'll give you a call--
in the meantime,
I'd like someone who
built their beach house
in Malibu with the babies
they've delivered.
Suit yourself.
You can't just reach in there and untangle it?
Danny...
Billy Crystal did it
in City Slickers.
It was a cow!
I'll keep checking
on you.
What's happening with Tom?
Hang on one second.
Hey, it's me.
Call Ted Goldstein.
Tell him it's an emergency.
Tell him to call me
right away. Thanks.
How's Tom?
He's scared to death.
If it's at all possible,
they shouldn't broadcast
that it's the brother
of a celebrity.
Somebody already did.
Jack's trying to shut it down.
Are you in pain?
No.
Then why's
your blood pressure high?
God, I don't know.
Let's try and think.
Hey, it's up on
your air right now.
I'm looking at it.
Get it down.
Yeah, I'm looking
at it, Phil.
Get it down now.
???
You got his, you got
his picture mortised,
you got it chyroned...
Get it down!
You got B-rollof him wa
on the red carpet.
You got a-a screen grab
of him with Lindsay Lohan.
It doesn't matter!
Get it down now!
Get it down.
You'll see what you can do?
What are you...?
Here.
It's not hard.
You press a button.
You go to commercial
and you beat the crap
out of whoever's
exec producing this thing
before I do it for ya!
You're gonna get this guy's
ass dragged through the street!
The message first aired
approximately
40 minutes ago
on Al Jazeera television
and has since been re-broadcast
on all the major news channels.
Forensics experts in both
the CIA and...
Yeah? Yeah, see what you can do.
Well, the consensus
seems to be
since it's out there already,
it's out there.
Aah, that's such crap, Howard.
Nicholas Berg, Danny Pearl,
we managed to keep a lid
on the things we needed
to shut up about.
This is 'cause they found a way
to make the war fun again.
Excuse me, Tom.
There are three of them.
I'm sorry?
It says, it just says,
"Brother of Jeter held hostage."
Corey Smith
and Herman Valdez,
they have brothers, too.
I know. I've met them.
Yeah, I know, I know.
Is there any point to this?
They have it already?
Yeah, yeah, they have it.
They have it.
...reports of a Taliban retreat
are circulating...
All right, tell me something
that I've always wanted to know.
Why isn't there 24-hour CIA
surveillance of every employee
of Al Jazeera?
Somebody's getting
these tapes handed
to them.
You, you can't make
a home movie
and then broadcast
it on MBS
without our knowing
how it got there.
I've got a different question.
What?
Didn't we win this war
once already?
Oh! Oh! It's a rout, baby!
Sit down!
In 24 hours,
we knocked down the airport
in Kandahar,
eviscerated Taliban command
and control,
had 50 out of 50 Tomahawk cruise
missiles hit their targets,
including the one that blew up
Mullah Omar's compound.
??? Everybody sit down!
We wiped out
their air defenses.
These guys are gonna see
what a B-1 bomber looks like
up close.
Oh, please, it's such a load.
Excuse me?
It's a load.
Can we not...?
The fact we got attacked or the fact
that we're fighting back?
It's about oil.
It's always about oil.
We invade, it shuts production
in Afghanistan,
gas prices go through the roof.
Oh, Lord.
You disagree?
Yes! And it's not just because
there's no oil in Afghanistan.
We made five perfectly
reasonable demands
like shutting down
their terrorist camps
and handing over Osama,
none of which were met,
so it looks like
we're doing it
ourselves.
Thank you.
And I don't think
it's gonna be
psychically satisfyingas you th
Afghanistan after you bomb it
looks pretty much the same
as Afghanistan
before it gets bombed,
but that's not
our problem right now.
What is?
How do we do
a show Friday night?
What are we supposed to joke about?
Them.
Who?
The bad guys. Screw PC.
We do a whole show mercilessly skewering Arabs.
You want
to talk about
psychically satisfying?
Okay.
You like it?
No.
Why not?
Well, for one thing,
Arabs aren't from Afghanistan,
Afghans are,
and it looks like
the F-16s are doing
a perfectly good job
skewering them right now.
I don't think they need
our comedy backup.
Come on, Mattie,
the whole show:
uh, Good Morning Cave Dwellers,
Judge Mohammed.
One Of My Wives Is Missing.
Fatah Knows Best.
72 Virgin Party Chat Line,
The Flogging Show, uh,
Let's All Rape.
It's what we want
to see right now.
Listen, some of those
ideas are good,
Luke, and we all know
that rape is funny.
I didn't mean...
This is new territory for me.
PC or not, I can think
of plenty of jokes that are funny.
I just can't think of any
that aren't in bad taste.
So let's just
take a breath
and figure out what our season premiere is.
Where have you been?
Sorry, I'm late.
And where were you
yesterday?
Oh, yeah.
What happened at the Emmys?
Did we win?
What happened at the...?
They were canceled again.
Where have you been
and why are you
almost smiling?
'Cause I'm a father.
Just got the baby
Saturday night.
Millicent Jean McAnuff.
All right.
Hey.
What's going on?
Uh, nothing funny
this week.
I mean with
this cigar.
Eddie McAnuff's wife
had a baby.
Do I know
Andy McAnuff?
Nice guy.
Never smiles.
Oh, yeah.
Except today.
It was nice.
He was at the hospital
all weekend.
He didn't know anything.
It was like a
miracle 15 seconds
of accidental normal.
So, what's your problem?
That's a conversation
starter where you're from?
You came out of there
muttering that
"Nothing's
funny this week."
Nothing is funny
this week.
None of the pitches
were good?
No, there were some
from your boyfriend
that I'm pretty sure
would incite lynching.
You know what
your problem is?
No, but please,
please tell me.
You can't make fun
of George Bush.
I don't want to.
You're dying to.
No, I'm, I'm not.
I'm really not.
It's killing you
that Americans are united
behind the President.
It isn't.
I'm one of them.
And you can't make fun
of Christians, either.
No Bush, no Christians.
What will he do?
Why can't I make fun
of Christians?
'Cause we're the
good guys and even
you know it.
All right, you
and Luke need
to go to a library
or something,
take a class,
'cause Luke thinks
Afghanistan is an
Arab country
and you think
it was the Christians
that were attacked
on September 11.
As soon as the war's over,
which I expect will be
in about 15 minutes,
I'm sure there won't
be a lack of material
coming from either
the President or Christians.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna tell Wes that
there's nothing funny this week.
Hi.
Hi.
Let me ask you something.
What's the strangest reason
anyone's ever given you
for breaking a date?
What?
I think it's funny you think
anyone's ever broken a date with me.
Something's happened here.
I know.
Right now I gotta
write an introduction
for the West Coast feed.
I want to put
something in
your ear.
What?
My friend has offices
around the world
including Latin America
where kidnapping's an industry.
We consult on K&R insurance.
That's "kidnap and ransom."
Companies take out insurance
on their employees
getting kidnapped?
Absolutely. That's where
they get the ransom money.
How does the ransom money
get to the kidnappers?
There's a company you've never
heard of called Trask Security.
We use them in Colombia,
but they're well-connected in the Near East.
Who are they?
Former CIA, former Special Ops,
former KGB, Secret Service.
They deal with the locals.
Deal with them how?
They bring a bag of money
and they get the guy back.
Well, this isn't a kidnapping.
Yeah, I doubt it'd work
in this case.
but I wanted to mention it.
They're not asking for money.
Nobody's offered
any yet, either.
Is this legal?
A lot of it.
I got to write this thing now.
Okay.
Just for the sake of whatever,
would you be able
to make a couple of phone calls
and find out more?
Yeah.
I got to write this a minute.
You know, it
wouldn't be cheap.
Just out of curiosity.
Got a million dollars cash?
Yeah.
Okay, well,
then when this is over,
we're definitely going out.
???
See, it all works out.
Okay.
That was Jack.
I know.
Maybe no more phone
calls right now.
The toothpaste is out
of the tube with Tom.
He wants to know if you
want to say something
at the top of
the West Coast feed.
We do.
Matt's working on it.
What were you trying
to tell me at the party?
About what?
About the ratings issue.
We're really gonna
fight about ratings
right now?
It's not like there's anything else to do.
What were you trying to tell me at the party?
Jordan...
Hey, I'm the one who's...
Sure.
So we'll talk about what I want
to talk about this one time.
It's not like the other times.
Really? Now?
You want to argue
with me now?
No.
Well, then argue with me
if I'm asking you to.
What were you trying
to tell me at the party?
I wasn't trying
to tell you anything,
I was trying to
not tell you things.
About Matt and Harriet?
About nothing.
Is Matt gonna be unable
to write every time
Harriet breaks up with him
to go out with Luke Scott?
He turns it around by himself,
honey, don't worry about it.
He turns it around.
He always does.
Just like that
baby's gonna do.
We're gonna revisit
this ratings issue.
Oh, good, can we?
By the way, it's not like Tom's
brother being a hostage
is gonna make us all funnier
over there this week.
It's the fourth day of Operation
Enduring Freedom
British and U.S. Naval forces...
You know what
you're getting Andy?
Hmm?
You know what
you're getting Andy
for a baby present?
What the hell are
you talking about?
Andy and his wife
had a baby Saturday.
Who's Andy?
On the writing staff.
I really don't like to get
involved, you know.
With the ink.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, he and his wife
had a baby
right in the middle
of everything,
a little girl
named Millicent.
That's a nice name.
Yeah, Millie.
She's the girl next door.
Yeah, or a waitress
in a diner.
You're not going
to ruin this for me.
Ruin what?
He was unaware of anything
that was going on
'cause he'd been
at the hospital.
And he justcame in the room...
Who are we talking about?
Andy.
He just came in
and he changed the temperature
of the room.
between the towers
and the bombing
and Luke hunting for Arabs
while he's not sleeping with
my ex-girlfriend, little
Millicent saved my whole world.
And what are you
getting her for that?
The pink short-sleeved
tennis dress
with the matching
bloomers.
That's nice.
Yeah, and the moon and stars
nightlight.
Oh.
Let's go.
Thanks for
seeing us, Jack.
Ordinarily it would be Wes
who would be here...
How is he?
They don't want him
to get out of bed yet.
They have any idea what
might have caused it?
They don't.
Maybe it had
something to do with
the three packs of cigarettes
a day he's smoked for the last 40 years.
According to
tobacco companies, no.
You're a funny guy, Danny.
Thanks. I'm Matt,
he's Danny.
Sorry.
Ordinarily, Wes would be here
and ordinarily he'd be talking
to the network president,
but you keep firing them.
So what can I do for you?
We want to postpone
the season premiere.
We don't think we should
come on on Friday.
No choice.
Really?
24 hours news coverage
is expensive.
No commercials
means no revenue.
No programming means no platform
to promote the fall season.
We're bleeding money.
We're not
indifferent to that.
We've gotta get business.
But we're a comedy show.
We don't want
to be inappropriate.
Oh, you're not.
You can serve your country.
You know what would piss off
the Taliban most right now?
Defeat?
Again, Danny,
you're a funny guy.
And, again, he's Danny.
A bunch of Jews
entertaining America.
See...
but I think that's gonna
piss off Americans, too.
Go back to work.
It's not like these guys
aren't shooting back.
U.S. troops are in danger.
It's hard to know
what's funny right now.
I appreciate your problem,
but nonetheless...
The new cast member, Tom Jeter?
His younger brother joined
the Air Force on September 12.
It's hard to ask Tom...
Well, come on, if he joined the Air Force
on September 12, then he's
going to be in basic training
till this thing is finished.
He's gonna be
stationed in Bermuda.
Jack...
The show's not gonna be good this week.
It can't be.
It doesn't have to be good,
it just has to be on.
And...
no taking shots at America.
I don't want to,
that's the point.
Good.
Jack.
Danny.
It's Matt.
Wes Mendell
is recovering
from a heart attack, which means
you two are in charge
of the most valuable property
this network has ever owned.
You don't think
I know your damn names?
Well, it seemed
like you didn't.
And I know your politics
and I share them,
except for the looney,
irrational stuff.
You don't take
shots at Bush,
you don't take shots
at America,
feel free to make fun
of Hollywood.
Hollywood
is in America.
No, it is not.
Then nobody'll mind
if I stop giving back
37% of my paycheck.
I'm sorry.
I know the conditions
are difficult,
but we've got to pick ourselves
up off the mat,
and I'm trusting you both.
All right.
Thanks.
Well, the kid, the brother,
he signed up on September 12?
You believe it?
This thing's gonna
be over by dinner.
Hey, what do you know?
They've lost the battle to
keep Tom's name out of it.
All right,
I want you to hear something
'cause it sounds crazy to me,
but I want to make sure it
sounds crazy to everybody else
before I let it go.
This is Mary Tate.
Her law firm is representing the network
in the Karen Salisbirk suit.
She was just telling me...
Who were you on the phone with?
Pakistan.
This is Cal Shanley.
He's our director,
you can speak feely in front of him.
Hi.
Mary Tate.
I was just telling him
about how your firm
works internationally
with Trask Security.
K & R?
Yeah.
Mostly in Latin America
though, right?
They've had a field office in
Islamabad since the war started.
What's their take?
Well, they're not gonna say much
without Tom on the phone.
I'm not putting
anything into Tom's ear
till I hear a lot more,
because right now this is
sounding like a TV movie.
Ms. Tate...
Mary.
What are the guys
at Trask saying?
They have teams in Kandahar
working private security.
They know about the abduction
and they've worked a couple this year.
They think it's
the same militia
that attacked a jingle truck
bringing medical supplies
to Musa Qala a few months ago.
What happened to those guys?
They kidnapped the driver who was a
Turkmenistan national,
an Italian aid worker
and a French contractor.
What did Trask do?
They sprung the Italian
for some money,
but the French contractor
got killed.
And the driver?
Killed.
Before or after
the money was delivered?
After.
???
Yeah.
Why kidnap airmen?
They know the military's
not gonna negotiate.
That's why they don't think
there's much chance
of a money exchange
in this case.
All right, I want to know
how exactly this works.
I want to know
how dangerous it is
and I want to know their success
vs. catastrophic failure rate.
They're not gonna
talk about any of that
with anyone but Tom
or his parents.
But with their expenses,
their fees,
a militia that's retaken
half the country
and the size of the ransom
now that they know
who Mark's brother is,
it's gonna be a lot more
than a million dollars.
Probably closer to ten.
You know someone who
can get their hands
on that kind of cash?
We need to find Jack Rudolph.
What about booking
more country acts?
Why the hell hasn't
Goldstein called me back?
Danny?
Yeah.
The musical guests,
how about booking
more country acts?
Are we really
talking about this?
And younger guest hosts.
Tonight's was Jenna Fisher.
She's like 15.
Maybe if we'd put a
cowboy hat on her head.
You know what we could do?
Your own network research
says that the
number one audience
manipulator among women
is a pregnancy
in jeopardy.
How 'bout if...
God.
You all right?
I think
I'm gonna be sick.
Nurse!
It's okay.
Something's wrong.
It's okay.
Nurse!
It's okay.
What's the problem?
What's happening?
She's nauseated.
Is the baby choking?
No.
Are you having headaches?
Yes.
You are?
How long?
You mean how long
do they last?
How long have you
been having them?
A few days.
Still 180/110.
Aah!
Get me magnesium sulfate.
Talk to me.
She's showing signs of preeclampsia.
What does that mean?
She could start having seizures.
Holy God.
The magnesium sulfate's gonna take care of that.
Are the drugs
gonna hurt the baby?
No.Hang on.
She's gotta have it now.
There isn't someone
more senior here
that we could...
No.
Then I think
we'll wait until...
Danny, she's gotta have this.
It's not a high-tech drug,
it's magnesium sulfate,
it's been around
for a hundred years.
I'm gonna stick this in her IV,
it's gonna reduce the electrical
activity in her body.
If I don't
and she has a seizure,
then the cord's gonna be
the least of our problems.
Danny...
Do it, do it. Do it now.
You and the baby
are gonna be fine.
Once she untangles herself
from that cord.
Yeah.
I've got two
meth overdoses
and a knife wound
down the hall.
I'll be back.
You'd make a good producer.
??????
You know this guy?
I'm sorry, Captain?
Do you know this guy?
No.
He's good.
Yeah.
What's the name of this singer?
That's Gran Bel Fisher;
he was tonight's musical guest.
He's coming in now,
so you'll keep this area
clear for me, right?
Yes.
Manny, Reuben,back those folks up, please.
Get them out of the hall,
get them inside.
And you understand if
there's any press in here,
Lieutenant Pierce is
gonna have to shoot them.
Sure.
I'm kidding.
Hey, Tom,
Tom.
It's okay, George.
Tom Jeter?
Yes, sir.
I'm Captain David Boyle.
I'm Mark's commanding officer
at Nellis Air Force Base.
This is Lieutenant Jim Pierce.
He's our chaplain.
Is this protocol?
I'm sorry?
This visit.
There are two other guys,
and they've got families.
Are Valdez and Smith
getting this treatment?
Yeah, there's...
I can assure you
that the families of the other two men...
It's protocol, Tom.
Thank you.
Tom.
Hey. We kept
the party going
so news wouldn't
get out that it's your brother.
It's out.
Yeah, I know.
That's I wrote
an introduction
for Harriet to go live
for the West Coast feed,
just... saying
what happened
and offering our prayers.
I figured since no one's watching the
show anymore anyway...
Hey.
There's no way
this ends bad.
There's no way.
It's not that kind
of story, okay?
Okay.
?????? You all have my office,
which is upstairs.
So follow me.
Where's Simon?
Meeting my parents
at the airport.
Tom?
Yeah?
What's the name
of that singer?
What?
Who's that singer
on the TV?
What does it matter?
You were onstage with him
two hours ago, Tom.
Can you remember
his name?
Am I being tested?
Captain Boyle just wants to
gauge the level of your trauma.
The level...?
I'm fine,
I don't have a knife
at my throat.
Has anyone been
in touch with him?
Why don't we wait
until we're inside?
Has anyone been
in touch with him?
Tom...
Yes or no?
I don't believe this!
Gran Bel Fisher.
What?
The name of the singer.
All right.
Has anyone been...?
There was some communication
with the regiment
about an hour and ten minutes
before the incident.
Mark was a part of a Provisional
Reconstruction Team...
I know what
he was doing,
and I don't care if there
was communication before.
What I'm asking you...
You do care if there
was communication before
because it helps us
with the location...
All right. Yeah. You're right.
Do you have the location?
We can't tell you that.
I'm not asking
where the location is.
I'm asking if you have it.
We can't tell you that, Tom.
Tommy.
I messed up your control room.
Come here.
Nobody's going anywhere tonight.
We're all right here.
Thanks. Is Harriet around?
She went out dancing.
She's downstairs
praying her ass off.
All right.
Matt?
Matt?
Jack, we need to speak to you a minute.
Is there
a rescue mission underway?
Tom, every single thing
we do right now is for the sake of the safety of Valdez,
Smith and Staff Sergeant Jeter,
including
not telling you anything.
How bad is it that
they know I'm his brother?
I could have lived without that.
I did a sketch tonight.
I know.
It was called "Mohammed:
the Thin-Skinned Prophet."
I know. Could have lived
without that, too.
Due respect, Captain,
I don't think comedy's
what got him in trouble tonight.
You know what I'm saying?
Yes, sir, I do.
Want a drink?
No.
I'll help myself.
Leader of another country
or something like that.
Tell him about
the success rate.
There were
411 incidents in 2006.
Trask handled 88 of them.
57 captives were returned safely.
15 transactions failed
before money changed
hands, and 18 after.
Compared to the military?
You can't compare.
Hang on. Trask doesn't
have any hard figures,
That's 'cause
they're secret.
But they estimate
the military's
only been successful
three out of 50 times
since 2001.
Yeah. They make those estimates
because
they're selling something.
They're selling that
they get people out.
Civilians, Matty.
That's why you can't compare the numbers.
He's right.
Mary, has Trask ever handled
the kidnapping of an American soldier?
All right,
guys, look.
He's not kidnapped.
He's in uniform.
He's a prisoner of war.
He's not.
Mary...
He's a hostage.
They're making demands.
They're willing to release them
under conditions.
Yes. That the U.S. Army surrenders.
we give them is
never going to go
towards capturing or killing
other U.S. soldiers.
The money's never going to
be used to make bombs.
They're just going to spend it
on science textbooks and milk.
Mary, get your people
on the phone with me.
Jack...
I just want to talk to them!
Yeah. Okay.
???
Hi, you.
Dave got a couple of Air Force
officers with Tom now.
I love you.
I'm glad about that.
Thank you for coming after me.
You came after me.
Uh-uh. I did not.
I had given up.
Then you stuck a note
under my watch.
It said, "I'm crazy about you."
How fast did you come running?
No, I was just being polite.
Jordan?
Yeah?
We got the labs back,
and they're confirming
preeclampsia.
We're going to get an O.R.
prepped for surgery.
What kind of surgery?
We're going to deliver the baby.
Wait.
She's only 37 weeks.
Heart rate's 68.
It's dropping.
We want to
do this now.
Books say that the last couple of weeks
are important for respiratory development.
The risk of asthma's
got to be low
on our list
of priorities right now.
She could suffer brain damage,
and so could Jordan.
A specialist is on her way,
and we're paging her doctor
but we're going to need you to sign some forms.
And in a few minutes,
we're going to prep you.
Okay.
It's all going to be over soon.
It's all going to be over soon?
Those are the encouraging
words they give you
when you're...
Marry me.
What?
Will you marry me?
What?
I want you to be engaged
to be married to me before you go in there.
Biology is just biology.
This is my daughter.
I want you to be my wife.
I want this
to be my family forever
no matter what happens.
Honey,
I love you for saying that,
but you can't
just suddenly decide...
I didn't just suddenly decide.
You're proposing
in an emergency room.
You haven't had time
to think this through.
Oh, my God.
Will you marry me?
How long have you been carrying that around
in your pocket?
A couple of weeks.
See? And you
were undecided,
and now that I'm
in the hospital...
I was not not undecided.
I didn't know if you
were going to say yes.
That's the risk you run!
Jordan...
Are you incapable of doing
anything in a normal way?!
Well, you make it pretty hard.
Jordan...
Yeah.
It'll be a great story to tell our kid.
I wouldn't mind
knowing something
about the color
and the clarity...
It's a three-carat diamond
with "F" clarity.
Yes.
What?
God, yes. Are you kidding me?
Yes. Give me the ring.
Did it ever occur to you
to check my ring size?
Okay, ma'am, we're going
to bring you in preop.
We can get it tightened.
Just how fat
did you think I was?
Really? Now?
I'm engaged. I'm engaged.
Does that ever
just feel like busywork?
No.
We've been having this fight
for eight years, haven't we?
Yes. And you've
lost every time.
Mary Tate is upstairs
talking to people
on the phone who do things,
and you're kneeling and praying
as if that's action?
It is.
Harry...
"If my people,
"which are called
by my name,
"shall humble themselves
"and pray, then I will hear them
from Heaven,
and will forgive their sins
and will heal their lands."
You are believing
in a fairy tale.
I'm believing that God
protects his children.
Then why the hell didn't
he give the hijackers
massive coronaries
before they reached for the box cutters?!
I can't explain
God's ways to you
because I can't
understand them myself.
No one can.
Well, isn't that convenient for God?
I would imagine,
if I were God,
I would make things
as convenient for
myself as possible.
Do you understand
that this represents
an inexplicable lapse
of common sense.
It's not a weakness
to have faith.
It's not a weakness to
take responsibility either.
I don't disapprove
of what you believe.
You think I'm going
to burn in hell
for what I believe.
Yeah. I do worry
about that.
The boat saved him.
God sent the boat.
Man built the boat.
If anything,
God sent the flood.
Isn't it possible that Mary got pregnant
by another man,
and Joseph stepped up
so that his wife
wouldn't get stoned
to death by the village?
No.
It's more likely that
an angel inseminated her,
and she gave birth
to a magical wizard
who could rise from the dead?
He's not
David Copperfield.
Why do you have
to believe in the divinity
of Jesus Christ
to know that robbing
a bank is wrong,
and picking someone
off the ground is right.
That's like asking
why you think you need
to believe in gravity
to know that if you throw
a rock off a ledge
it's going to hit somebody in the head.
Science isn't something
you believe in.
Science has to be proven
or they don't get
to call it science.
What would be great
is if you knew something
about Christians before you...
It's a fairy tale.
No, it's not.
We've been having
this fight for six months.
We've been having this fight
for two years!
We have been having this fight
in two different millennia now!
You really would have thought
one of us would have won by this point.
Aw, Matt.
I just love you is all.
It's okay that
you're a heathen.
Well, I appreciate that.
Come pray with me.
I'll show you how.
You'll learn something new.
???
What's going on?
What is it?
All right.
I'm on my way over.
Jordan's having
an emergency C-section.
We'll take my car.
Matt?
Show me something.
Do you happen to know
if Tom got an e-mail
from his brother
before the show?
His parents called me--
they haven't heard
from his brother
in about 48 hours.
I can't feel the baby kick.
What does that mean?
I haven't felt her kick all day,
and if I drink orange juice,
usually I can get her to...
Three American soldiers
were ambushed
in their truck on a road
in Paktika, Afghanistan.
One of them
is Mark Jeter.
These things turn out okay.
???
Drive Jordan to Cedars-
Sanai emergency room.
She'll tell you
why on the way.
What do you want
to do now?
Is it the ratings?
Too early.
We're not even up
on the West Coast yet.
Then are we just being
summarily fired?
Is everybody here?
No, we're missing
Tom and Simon.
Hang on a second,
hang on.
Yeah, listen,uh...
You guys are scaring the hell
out of everybody.
All right.
About, uh, 20 minutes ago,
we found out--
it's on the news--
we found out that
Tom's brother
was one of three
airmen captured
on a road out
of Kandahar.
There's videos,
there are hostage demands.
Where's Tom?
Jack took him
over to NBS,
so we're gonna shut
down the party.
I don't think
that's a good idea.
Why?
'Cause right now the news
isn't reporting one of
them's the brother of a celebrity.
The longer we can wait
for that word...
He's right.
Yeah. A-All right.
Yeah. Uh, let the
party be a party.
Nobody says anything.
I want to talk to Tom.
Soon as he's done
getting some answers.
The video message first aired
approximately 40 minutes ago
on al Jazeera television,
and has since been rebroadcast
on all the major news channels.
Forensics experts...???
Tom.
Yeah?
Your friend Simon Stiles
is making a lot of
noise out there.
He's my friend.
Can he come in here?
This is just for family.
He's family.
When did it happen?
22 hours ago.
We're just
reporting it now?
We just found out about it
when al Jazeera put up the tape.
CentCom knew about it before the tape?
Jack...
we can deal with that
another time.
Your brother and two others
were transporting fuel
from Kandahar
to the village of Golam Kot.
His truck was ambushed.
By Taliban fighters?
Yeah.
And we know the tape
is legitimate?
DOD's verified the
identification of
all three soldiers.
They're makingthree demands.
Airmen.
I'm sorry?
They're not soldiers.
They're in the United States
Air Force-- they're airmen.
I'm sorry, son.
Airmen. They're making
three demands.
Yeah.
All U.S. and U.N. forces
leave the province
of Paktika,Afghanistan.
No problem.
And the U.S. will agree to no longer build women's...
Oh, my God.
Damn!
...were captured,
including Mark Jeter,
younger brother of Tom Jeter.
Are they out of their minds?
Jack.
Howard, they're gonna shut
their friggin' mouths right now.
Set up a conference call
right now with every...
The show completed
its live East Coast broadcast
???
How many hours has it been
since you felt your baby move?
At least six.
I've been drinking orange juice.
And when was the last time
you saw your ob-gyn?
Uh, two weeks ago.
Everything checked out?
Yeah. What do you think is wrong?
Probably nothing.
Diabetes?
No.
Allergies?
Shellfish.
Doctor?
Have you ever terminated
a pregnancy?
Jordan?
Yes. In 1999. Would that have...
Were there any complications?
Doctor?
No.
Yeah?
Her blood pressure.
Take it again.
I took it three times.
What's wrong?
Your blood pressure's 180/110.
What does that mean?
Eh, something's going on.
Let's get you to
a sonogram machine.
Oh, God.
Can you think of any reason
why your blood pressure
would be so high?
I'm a president of a network,
we're having ratings problems,
I'm having a fight
with my yfriend,
who's the sweetest man
in the world,
and the little brother
of a cast member of mine
has been taken hostage
in Afghanistan.
Wow.
Do you have anyone that you can call-- family or friends?
Danny Tripp.
Is that the father?
No, but he wants to be.
Damn it.
What?
Local news let it out
it's Tom's brother.
Jack's trying to shut them down.
These guys have been beaten up.
This one's got an ax in his hand.
Hey, just cool it.
Danny.
Not now.
It's Jordan.
What are they saying?
I'm coming.
Where's he going?
Jordan's at the emergency room.
Why is she
at the emergency room?
Uh, she hasn't felt
the baby kick in a while.
All right.
Almighty God...
???
Capture:FRM@δ??????
Sync:FRM@
Hi.
Um...
I just spoke to Tom.
And?
Well...
How is he?
He's all right--
there's a procedure
where a commander
and a chaplain
and a casualty officer
come to the...
family and wait with them.
Does he know
anything at all yet?
Mark's got a couple of things
working in his favor.
He's a captured soldier
rather than a
civilian hostage.
As a captured soldier,
he's got the power
of the U.S. armed forces
working towards his rescue.
Are they trying to rescue him?
Is that something...
They're not gonna tell
Tom or anybody else.
What's the other thing
working in his favor?
He's not Jewish.
Wow.
So if it was you over there
instead of Mark...
They'd be FedExing my head
to my parents right now.
Well, if it absolutely,
positively has to be there overnight.
We shouldn't be laughing.
Well, crying doesn't
do any good.
Didn't we have this
fight once before?
Haven't we had every fight
at least once before?
Seriously, I remember this one.
But we were on the other side.
It was the day the war started
in Afghanistan.
No, it was the day of the Emmys.
It was the day the war started.
No, they were the same day;
they postponed the Emmys
till October 'cause of 9/11.
Yeah.
And we all met here and were
getting drunk before we got
into the car and went
to the Shrine.
And you were all
fuhtutzed because...
Why?
I don't know, maybe
it had something
to do with being attacked by
terrorists four weeks earlier?
No. It was because
you couldn't tie your tie.
Does anybody know how
to tie a bow tie?
Anybody?
Excuse me,
you want to stop kissing
my ex-girlfriend
for a second?
Sorry.
Either of you know
how to tie a bow tie?
???
You want some more
champagne?
Yes.
Okay.
Come here.
Why didn't you just get a clip-on?
'Cause I'm from the East.
What does that mean?
It means a lot.
But you don't know
how to tie it,
I work in a building
with 14 professional
wardrobe mistresses.
I figured it wouldn't
be a problem.
Here,face me.
No. Wait.
Turn around-- let me
stand in back of you.
No, face me.
Harry...
Calm down.
Do I seem tense?
Hey!
Champagne cork.
Oh, wait, I know
why you're nervous.
I'm not nervous.
You're accepting
if we win?
Wes had Danny and I
flip a coin.
You'll be great.
We're not gonna win.
And we shouldn't
be going anyway.
Let me start this again.
Do you know
what you're doing?
Yes.
Really?
You think it's too early?
I think it's too early
for an awards show,
I think it's too early
for us to be going
on the air Friday night,
and I really think
it's too early for you
to be making out
with Luke in the hallway.
You broke up with me.
The two times before that, you broke up with me.
The time before that,
I broke up with you,
and the time before that,
you just hit me in the face
with a socket wrench.
Well, you seem to be
recovering nicely with
Miss Hawaiian Tropic.
She's a smart girl.
Is that right?
Well, she doesn't think
Adam and Eve
rode on a dinosaur
through the Garden of Eden.
Mm....
Matt?
Yeah?
I'm bored.
Are we going
to the InStyle after-party?
Uh, yes, yes, we are.
We have to...
wait for it to start.
Well, when does it start?
After.
The awards.
Why don't you get
some more champagne.
Lots more.
Shut up!
I'll be right there.
Okay.
Okay.
Matt...
I'm bored."
Harriet, Matt got promoted
to co-exec instead of me,
and now he's my boss,
so to piss him off
I'm gonna take you
to the Emmys.
You think Luke is back
with me to make you mad?
Mm, yes.
Sure, why would anyone
do anything except
to bother you?
Music stopped.
This isn't quite right.
Yeah.
Could you just staple
it or something,
or shove it
in your mouth?
It's way too early
for any of this.
I can't think of what
kinds of jokes to write
while steel is still smoldering
in downtown Manhattan.
???
I don't care about the coin
toss-- you're accepting tonight if we win.
I think they're gonna
cancel it again.
Why?
The war just started.
Hey, uh, I'm looking
for Jordan McDeere.
She's a pregnant woman, very pretty.
She's gonna be fine.
She's down the hall,
second door on the right.
Second door on
the right. Thanks.
What's going on?
I was hoping you could tell me.
There isn't a TV in here,
and nobody knows anything
about Tom's brother.
What's going on with you?
It's nothing.
We're in an emergency room!
They did a sonogram,
and the cord is wrapped
around the baby's neck.
What?
But it's okay.
The baby's choking?
It's okay-- it's not unusual.
How we doing?
What's going on?
Are you Daniel Tripp?
Yes.
Okay, the baby's having
decelerations.
His heart rate should be 120
to 180 beats per minute.
Her heart rate.
It's a girl.
Excuse me.
Her heart rate
is only 80 beats per minute.
But the-the... cord is wrapped
around her neck?
Yeah. That's what's causing
the deceleration.
So what do we do about that?
Nothing.
We just monitor the situation.
The baby's choking.
Just a little bit.
Just a little bit?!
Danny!
And Jordan's
blood pressure is very high,
so shouting
isn't gonna help.
So we just wait?
Yeah. The baby's
gonna untangle himself.
Herself.
It's okay.
How old are you?
I'll be 29 tomorrow.
Oh! Congratulations,
but, um...
I'm gonna call a real doctor.
Well...
Honey...
if I wasn't,
they wouldn't
let me work here.
What's your...
what's your specialty gonna be?
Sports medicine.
Okay, well,
if she tears a hamstring,
we'll give you a call--
in the meantime,
I'd like someone who
built their beach house
in Malibu with the babies
they've delivered.
Suit yourself.
You can't just reach in there and untangle it?
Danny...
Billy Crystal did it
in City Slickers.
It was a cow!
I'll keep checking
on you.
What's happening with Tom?
Hang on one second.
Hey, it's me.
Call Ted Goldstein.
Tell him it's an emergency.
Tell him to call me
right away. Thanks.
How's Tom?
He's scared to death.
If it's at all possible,
they shouldn't broadcast
that it's the brother
of a celebrity.
Somebody already did.
Jack's trying to shut it down.
Are you in pain?
No.
Then why's
your blood pressure high?
God, I don't know.
Let's try and think.
Hey, it's up on
your air right now.
I'm looking at it.
Get it down.
Yeah, I'm looking
at it, Phil.
Get it down now.
???
You got his, you got
his picture mortised,
you got it chyroned...
Get it down!
You got B-rollof him wa
on the red carpet.
You got a-a screen grab
of him with Lindsay Lohan.
It doesn't matter!
Get it down now!
Get it down.
You'll see what you can do?
What are you...?
Here.
It's not hard.
You press a button.
You go to commercial
and you beat the crap
out of whoever's
exec producing this thing
before I do it for ya!
You're gonna get this guy's
ass dragged through the street!
The message first aired
approximately
40 minutes ago
on Al Jazeera television
and has since been re-broadcast
on all the major news channels.
Forensics experts in both
the CIA and...
Yeah? Yeah, see what you can do.
Well, the consensus
seems to be
since it's out there already,
it's out there.
Aah, that's such crap, Howard.
Nicholas Berg, Danny Pearl,
we managed to keep a lid
on the things we needed
to shut up about.
This is 'cause they found a way
to make the war fun again.
Excuse me, Tom.
There are three of them.
I'm sorry?
It says, it just says,
"Brother of Jeter held hostage."
Corey Smith
and Herman Valdez,
they have brothers, too.
I know. I've met them.
Yeah, I know, I know.
Is there any point to this?
They have it already?
Yeah, yeah, they have it.
They have it.
...reports of a Taliban retreat
are circulating...
All right, tell me something
that I've always wanted to know.
Why isn't there 24-hour CIA
surveillance of every employee
of Al Jazeera?
Somebody's getting
these tapes handed
to them.
You, you can't make
a home movie
and then broadcast
it on MBS
without our knowing
how it got there.
I've got a different question.
What?
Didn't we win this war
once already?
Oh! Oh! It's a rout, baby!
Sit down!
In 24 hours,
we knocked down the airport
in Kandahar,
eviscerated Taliban command
and control,
had 50 out of 50 Tomahawk cruise
missiles hit their targets,
including the one that blew up
Mullah Omar's compound.
??? Everybody sit down!
We wiped out
their air defenses.
These guys are gonna see
what a B-1 bomber looks like
up close.
Oh, please, it's such a load.
Excuse me?
It's a load.
Can we not...?
The fact we got attacked or the fact
that we're fighting back?
It's about oil.
It's always about oil.
We invade, it shuts production
in Afghanistan,
gas prices go through the roof.
Oh, Lord.
You disagree?
Yes! And it's not just because
there's no oil in Afghanistan.
We made five perfectly
reasonable demands
like shutting down
their terrorist camps
and handing over Osama,
none of which were met,
so it looks like
we're doing it
ourselves.
Thank you.
And I don't think
it's gonna be
psychically satisfyingas you th
Afghanistan after you bomb it
looks pretty much the same
as Afghanistan
before it gets bombed,
but that's not
our problem right now.
What is?
How do we do
a show Friday night?
What are we supposed to joke about?
Them.
Who?
The bad guys. Screw PC.
We do a whole show mercilessly skewering Arabs.
You want
to talk about
psychically satisfying?
Okay.
You like it?
No.
Why not?
Well, for one thing,
Arabs aren't from Afghanistan,
Afghans are,
and it looks like
the F-16s are doing
a perfectly good job
skewering them right now.
I don't think they need
our comedy backup.
Come on, Mattie,
the whole show:
uh, Good Morning Cave Dwellers,
Judge Mohammed.
One Of My Wives Is Missing.
Fatah Knows Best.
72 Virgin Party Chat Line,
The Flogging Show, uh,
Let's All Rape.
It's what we want
to see right now.
Listen, some of those
ideas are good,
Luke, and we all know
that rape is funny.
I didn't mean...
This is new territory for me.
PC or not, I can think
of plenty of jokes that are funny.
I just can't think of any
that aren't in bad taste.
So let's just
take a breath
and figure out what our season premiere is.
Where have you been?
Sorry, I'm late.
And where were you
yesterday?
Oh, yeah.
What happened at the Emmys?
Did we win?
What happened at the...?
They were canceled again.
Where have you been
and why are you
almost smiling?
'Cause I'm a father.
Just got the baby
Saturday night.
Millicent Jean McAnuff.
All right.
Hey.
What's going on?
Uh, nothing funny
this week.
I mean with
this cigar.
Eddie McAnuff's wife
had a baby.
Do I know
Andy McAnuff?
Nice guy.
Never smiles.
Oh, yeah.
Except today.
It was nice.
He was at the hospital
all weekend.
He didn't know anything.
It was like a
miracle 15 seconds
of accidental normal.
So, what's your problem?
That's a conversation
starter where you're from?
You came out of there
muttering that
"Nothing's
funny this week."
Nothing is funny
this week.
None of the pitches
were good?
No, there were some
from your boyfriend
that I'm pretty sure
would incite lynching.
You know what
your problem is?
No, but please,
please tell me.
You can't make fun
of George Bush.
I don't want to.
You're dying to.
No, I'm, I'm not.
I'm really not.
It's killing you
that Americans are united
behind the President.
It isn't.
I'm one of them.
And you can't make fun
of Christians, either.
No Bush, no Christians.
What will he do?
Why can't I make fun
of Christians?
'Cause we're the
good guys and even
you know it.
All right, you
and Luke need
to go to a library
or something,
take a class,
'cause Luke thinks
Afghanistan is an
Arab country
and you think
it was the Christians
that were attacked
on September 11.
As soon as the war's over,
which I expect will be
in about 15 minutes,
I'm sure there won't
be a lack of material
coming from either
the President or Christians.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna tell Wes that
there's nothing funny this week.
Hi.
Hi.
Let me ask you something.
What's the strangest reason
anyone's ever given you
for breaking a date?
What?
I think it's funny you think
anyone's ever broken a date with me.
Something's happened here.
I know.
Right now I gotta
write an introduction
for the West Coast feed.
I want to put
something in
your ear.
What?
My friend has offices
around the world
including Latin America
where kidnapping's an industry.
We consult on K&R insurance.
That's "kidnap and ransom."
Companies take out insurance
on their employees
getting kidnapped?
Absolutely. That's where
they get the ransom money.
How does the ransom money
get to the kidnappers?
There's a company you've never
heard of called Trask Security.
We use them in Colombia,
but they're well-connected in the Near East.
Who are they?
Former CIA, former Special Ops,
former KGB, Secret Service.
They deal with the locals.
Deal with them how?
They bring a bag of money
and they get the guy back.
Well, this isn't a kidnapping.
Yeah, I doubt it'd work
in this case.
but I wanted to mention it.
They're not asking for money.
Nobody's offered
any yet, either.
Is this legal?
A lot of it.
I got to write this thing now.
Okay.
Just for the sake of whatever,
would you be able
to make a couple of phone calls
and find out more?
Yeah.
I got to write this a minute.
You know, it
wouldn't be cheap.
Just out of curiosity.
Got a million dollars cash?
Yeah.
Okay, well,
then when this is over,
we're definitely going out.
???
See, it all works out.
Okay.
That was Jack.
I know.
Maybe no more phone
calls right now.
The toothpaste is out
of the tube with Tom.
He wants to know if you
want to say something
at the top of
the West Coast feed.
We do.
Matt's working on it.
What were you trying
to tell me at the party?
About what?
About the ratings issue.
We're really gonna
fight about ratings
right now?
It's not like there's anything else to do.
What were you trying to tell me at the party?
Jordan...
Hey, I'm the one who's...
Sure.
So we'll talk about what I want
to talk about this one time.
It's not like the other times.
Really? Now?
You want to argue
with me now?
No.
Well, then argue with me
if I'm asking you to.
What were you trying
to tell me at the party?
I wasn't trying
to tell you anything,
I was trying to
not tell you things.
About Matt and Harriet?
About nothing.
Is Matt gonna be unable
to write every time
Harriet breaks up with him
to go out with Luke Scott?
He turns it around by himself,
honey, don't worry about it.
He turns it around.
He always does.
Just like that
baby's gonna do.
We're gonna revisit
this ratings issue.
Oh, good, can we?
By the way, it's not like Tom's
brother being a hostage
is gonna make us all funnier
over there this week.
It's the fourth day of Operation
Enduring Freedom
British and U.S. Naval forces...
You know what
you're getting Andy?
Hmm?
You know what
you're getting Andy
for a baby present?
What the hell are
you talking about?
Andy and his wife
had a baby Saturday.
Who's Andy?
On the writing staff.
I really don't like to get
involved, you know.
With the ink.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, he and his wife
had a baby
right in the middle
of everything,
a little girl
named Millicent.
That's a nice name.
Yeah, Millie.
She's the girl next door.
Yeah, or a waitress
in a diner.
You're not going
to ruin this for me.
Ruin what?
He was unaware of anything
that was going on
'cause he'd been
at the hospital.
And he justcame in the room...
Who are we talking about?
Andy.
He just came in
and he changed the temperature
of the room.
between the towers
and the bombing
and Luke hunting for Arabs
while he's not sleeping with
my ex-girlfriend, little
Millicent saved my whole world.
And what are you
getting her for that?
The pink short-sleeved
tennis dress
with the matching
bloomers.
That's nice.
Yeah, and the moon and stars
nightlight.
Oh.
Let's go.
Thanks for
seeing us, Jack.
Ordinarily it would be Wes
who would be here...
How is he?
They don't want him
to get out of bed yet.
They have any idea what
might have caused it?
They don't.
Maybe it had
something to do with
the three packs of cigarettes
a day he's smoked for the last 40 years.
According to
tobacco companies, no.
You're a funny guy, Danny.
Thanks. I'm Matt,
he's Danny.
Sorry.
Ordinarily, Wes would be here
and ordinarily he'd be talking
to the network president,
but you keep firing them.
So what can I do for you?
We want to postpone
the season premiere.
We don't think we should
come on on Friday.
No choice.
Really?
24 hours news coverage
is expensive.
No commercials
means no revenue.
No programming means no platform
to promote the fall season.
We're bleeding money.
We're not
indifferent to that.
We've gotta get business.
But we're a comedy show.
We don't want
to be inappropriate.
Oh, you're not.
You can serve your country.
You know what would piss off
the Taliban most right now?
Defeat?
Again, Danny,
you're a funny guy.
And, again, he's Danny.
A bunch of Jews
entertaining America.
See...
but I think that's gonna
piss off Americans, too.
Go back to work.
It's not like these guys
aren't shooting back.
U.S. troops are in danger.
It's hard to know
what's funny right now.
I appreciate your problem,
but nonetheless...
The new cast member, Tom Jeter?
His younger brother joined
the Air Force on September 12.
It's hard to ask Tom...
Well, come on, if he joined the Air Force
on September 12, then he's
going to be in basic training
till this thing is finished.
He's gonna be
stationed in Bermuda.
Jack...
The show's not gonna be good this week.
It can't be.
It doesn't have to be good,
it just has to be on.
And...
no taking shots at America.
I don't want to,
that's the point.
Good.
Jack.
Danny.
It's Matt.
Wes Mendell
is recovering
from a heart attack, which means
you two are in charge
of the most valuable property
this network has ever owned.
You don't think
I know your damn names?
Well, it seemed
like you didn't.
And I know your politics
and I share them,
except for the looney,
irrational stuff.
You don't take
shots at Bush,
you don't take shots
at America,
feel free to make fun
of Hollywood.
Hollywood
is in America.
No, it is not.
Then nobody'll mind
if I stop giving back
37% of my paycheck.
I'm sorry.
I know the conditions
are difficult,
but we've got to pick ourselves
up off the mat,
and I'm trusting you both.
All right.
Thanks.
Well, the kid, the brother,
he signed up on September 12?
You believe it?
This thing's gonna
be over by dinner.
Hey, what do you know?
They've lost the battle to
keep Tom's name out of it.
All right,
I want you to hear something
'cause it sounds crazy to me,
but I want to make sure it
sounds crazy to everybody else
before I let it go.
This is Mary Tate.
Her law firm is representing the network
in the Karen Salisbirk suit.
She was just telling me...
Who were you on the phone with?
Pakistan.
This is Cal Shanley.
He's our director,
you can speak feely in front of him.
Hi.
Mary Tate.
I was just telling him
about how your firm
works internationally
with Trask Security.
K & R?
Yeah.
Mostly in Latin America
though, right?
They've had a field office in
Islamabad since the war started.
What's their take?
Well, they're not gonna say much
without Tom on the phone.
I'm not putting
anything into Tom's ear
till I hear a lot more,
because right now this is
sounding like a TV movie.
Ms. Tate...
Mary.
What are the guys
at Trask saying?
They have teams in Kandahar
working private security.
They know about the abduction
and they've worked a couple this year.
They think it's
the same militia
that attacked a jingle truck
bringing medical supplies
to Musa Qala a few months ago.
What happened to those guys?
They kidnapped the driver who was a
Turkmenistan national,
an Italian aid worker
and a French contractor.
What did Trask do?
They sprung the Italian
for some money,
but the French contractor
got killed.
And the driver?
Killed.
Before or after
the money was delivered?
After.
???
Yeah.
Why kidnap airmen?
They know the military's
not gonna negotiate.
That's why they don't think
there's much chance
of a money exchange
in this case.
All right, I want to know
how exactly this works.
I want to know
how dangerous it is
and I want to know their success
vs. catastrophic failure rate.
They're not gonna
talk about any of that
with anyone but Tom
or his parents.
But with their expenses,
their fees,
a militia that's retaken
half the country
and the size of the ransom
now that they know
who Mark's brother is,
it's gonna be a lot more
than a million dollars.
Probably closer to ten.
You know someone who
can get their hands
on that kind of cash?
We need to find Jack Rudolph.
What about booking
more country acts?
Why the hell hasn't
Goldstein called me back?
Danny?
Yeah.
The musical guests,
how about booking
more country acts?
Are we really
talking about this?
And younger guest hosts.
Tonight's was Jenna Fisher.
She's like 15.
Maybe if we'd put a
cowboy hat on her head.
You know what we could do?
Your own network research
says that the
number one audience
manipulator among women
is a pregnancy
in jeopardy.
How 'bout if...
God.
You all right?
I think
I'm gonna be sick.
Nurse!
It's okay.
Something's wrong.
It's okay.
Nurse!
It's okay.
What's the problem?
What's happening?
She's nauseated.
Is the baby choking?
No.
Are you having headaches?
Yes.
You are?
How long?
You mean how long
do they last?
How long have you
been having them?
A few days.
Still 180/110.
Aah!
Get me magnesium sulfate.
Talk to me.
She's showing signs of preeclampsia.
What does that mean?
She could start having seizures.
Holy God.
The magnesium sulfate's gonna take care of that.
Are the drugs
gonna hurt the baby?
No.Hang on.
She's gotta have it now.
There isn't someone
more senior here
that we could...
No.
Then I think
we'll wait until...
Danny, she's gotta have this.
It's not a high-tech drug,
it's magnesium sulfate,
it's been around
for a hundred years.
I'm gonna stick this in her IV,
it's gonna reduce the electrical
activity in her body.
If I don't
and she has a seizure,
then the cord's gonna be
the least of our problems.
Danny...
Do it, do it. Do it now.
You and the baby
are gonna be fine.
Once she untangles herself
from that cord.
Yeah.
I've got two
meth overdoses
and a knife wound
down the hall.
I'll be back.
You'd make a good producer.
??????
You know this guy?
I'm sorry, Captain?
Do you know this guy?
No.
He's good.
Yeah.
What's the name of this singer?
That's Gran Bel Fisher;
he was tonight's musical guest.
He's coming in now,
so you'll keep this area
clear for me, right?
Yes.
Manny, Reuben,back those folks up, please.
Get them out of the hall,
get them inside.
And you understand if
there's any press in here,
Lieutenant Pierce is
gonna have to shoot them.
Sure.
I'm kidding.
Hey, Tom,
Tom.
It's okay, George.
Tom Jeter?
Yes, sir.
I'm Captain David Boyle.
I'm Mark's commanding officer
at Nellis Air Force Base.
This is Lieutenant Jim Pierce.
He's our chaplain.
Is this protocol?
I'm sorry?
This visit.
There are two other guys,
and they've got families.
Are Valdez and Smith
getting this treatment?
Yeah, there's...
I can assure you
that the families of the other two men...
It's protocol, Tom.
Thank you.
Tom.
Hey. We kept
the party going
so news wouldn't
get out that it's your brother.
It's out.
Yeah, I know.
That's I wrote
an introduction
for Harriet to go live
for the West Coast feed,
just... saying
what happened
and offering our prayers.
I figured since no one's watching the
show anymore anyway...
Hey.
There's no way
this ends bad.
There's no way.
It's not that kind
of story, okay?
Okay.
?????? You all have my office,
which is upstairs.
So follow me.
Where's Simon?
Meeting my parents
at the airport.
Tom?
Yeah?
What's the name
of that singer?
What?
Who's that singer
on the TV?
What does it matter?
You were onstage with him
two hours ago, Tom.
Can you remember
his name?
Am I being tested?
Captain Boyle just wants to
gauge the level of your trauma.
The level...?
I'm fine,
I don't have a knife
at my throat.
Has anyone been
in touch with him?
Why don't we wait
until we're inside?
Has anyone been
in touch with him?
Tom...
Yes or no?
I don't believe this!
Gran Bel Fisher.
What?
The name of the singer.
All right.
Has anyone been...?
There was some communication
with the regiment
about an hour and ten minutes
before the incident.
Mark was a part of a Provisional
Reconstruction Team...
I know what
he was doing,
and I don't care if there
was communication before.
What I'm asking you...
You do care if there
was communication before
because it helps us
with the location...
All right. Yeah. You're right.
Do you have the location?
We can't tell you that.
I'm not asking
where the location is.
I'm asking if you have it.
We can't tell you that, Tom.
Tommy.
I messed up your control room.
Come here.
Nobody's going anywhere tonight.
We're all right here.
Thanks. Is Harriet around?
She went out dancing.
She's downstairs
praying her ass off.
All right.
Matt?
Matt?
Jack, we need to speak to you a minute.
Is there
a rescue mission underway?
Tom, every single thing
we do right now is for the sake of the safety of Valdez,
Smith and Staff Sergeant Jeter,
including
not telling you anything.
How bad is it that
they know I'm his brother?
I could have lived without that.
I did a sketch tonight.
I know.
It was called "Mohammed:
the Thin-Skinned Prophet."
I know. Could have lived
without that, too.
Due respect, Captain,
I don't think comedy's
what got him in trouble tonight.
You know what I'm saying?
Yes, sir, I do.
Want a drink?
No.
I'll help myself.
Leader of another country
or something like that.
Tell him about
the success rate.
There were
411 incidents in 2006.
Trask handled 88 of them.
57 captives were returned safely.
15 transactions failed
before money changed
hands, and 18 after.
Compared to the military?
You can't compare.
Hang on. Trask doesn't
have any hard figures,
That's 'cause
they're secret.
But they estimate
the military's
only been successful
three out of 50 times
since 2001.
Yeah. They make those estimates
because
they're selling something.
They're selling that
they get people out.
Civilians, Matty.
That's why you can't compare the numbers.
He's right.
Mary, has Trask ever handled
the kidnapping of an American soldier?
All right,
guys, look.
He's not kidnapped.
He's in uniform.
He's a prisoner of war.
He's not.
Mary...
He's a hostage.
They're making demands.
They're willing to release them
under conditions.
Yes. That the U.S. Army surrenders.
we give them is
never going to go
towards capturing or killing
other U.S. soldiers.
The money's never going to
be used to make bombs.
They're just going to spend it
on science textbooks and milk.
Mary, get your people
on the phone with me.
Jack...
I just want to talk to them!
Yeah. Okay.
???
Hi, you.
Dave got a couple of Air Force
officers with Tom now.
I love you.
I'm glad about that.
Thank you for coming after me.
You came after me.
Uh-uh. I did not.
I had given up.
Then you stuck a note
under my watch.
It said, "I'm crazy about you."
How fast did you come running?
No, I was just being polite.
Jordan?
Yeah?
We got the labs back,
and they're confirming
preeclampsia.
We're going to get an O.R.
prepped for surgery.
What kind of surgery?
We're going to deliver the baby.
Wait.
She's only 37 weeks.
Heart rate's 68.
It's dropping.
We want to
do this now.
Books say that the last couple of weeks
are important for respiratory development.
The risk of asthma's
got to be low
on our list
of priorities right now.
She could suffer brain damage,
and so could Jordan.
A specialist is on her way,
and we're paging her doctor
but we're going to need you to sign some forms.
And in a few minutes,
we're going to prep you.
Okay.
It's all going to be over soon.
It's all going to be over soon?
Those are the encouraging
words they give you
when you're...
Marry me.
What?
Will you marry me?
What?
I want you to be engaged
to be married to me before you go in there.
Biology is just biology.
This is my daughter.
I want you to be my wife.
I want this
to be my family forever
no matter what happens.
Honey,
I love you for saying that,
but you can't
just suddenly decide...
I didn't just suddenly decide.
You're proposing
in an emergency room.
You haven't had time
to think this through.
Oh, my God.
Will you marry me?
How long have you been carrying that around
in your pocket?
A couple of weeks.
See? And you
were undecided,
and now that I'm
in the hospital...
I was not not undecided.
I didn't know if you
were going to say yes.
That's the risk you run!
Jordan...
Are you incapable of doing
anything in a normal way?!
Well, you make it pretty hard.
Jordan...
Yeah.
It'll be a great story to tell our kid.
I wouldn't mind
knowing something
about the color
and the clarity...
It's a three-carat diamond
with "F" clarity.
Yes.
What?
God, yes. Are you kidding me?
Yes. Give me the ring.
Did it ever occur to you
to check my ring size?
Okay, ma'am, we're going
to bring you in preop.
We can get it tightened.
Just how fat
did you think I was?
Really? Now?
I'm engaged. I'm engaged.
Does that ever
just feel like busywork?
No.
We've been having this fight
for eight years, haven't we?
Yes. And you've
lost every time.
Mary Tate is upstairs
talking to people
on the phone who do things,
and you're kneeling and praying
as if that's action?
It is.
Harry...
"If my people,
"which are called
by my name,
"shall humble themselves
"and pray, then I will hear them
from Heaven,
and will forgive their sins
and will heal their lands."
You are believing
in a fairy tale.
I'm believing that God
protects his children.
Then why the hell didn't
he give the hijackers
massive coronaries
before they reached for the box cutters?!
I can't explain
God's ways to you
because I can't
understand them myself.
No one can.
Well, isn't that convenient for God?
I would imagine,
if I were God,
I would make things
as convenient for
myself as possible.
Do you understand
that this represents
an inexplicable lapse
of common sense.
It's not a weakness
to have faith.
It's not a weakness to
take responsibility either.
I don't disapprove
of what you believe.
You think I'm going
to burn in hell
for what I believe.
Yeah. I do worry
about that.
The boat saved him.
God sent the boat.
Man built the boat.
If anything,
God sent the flood.
Isn't it possible that Mary got pregnant
by another man,
and Joseph stepped up
so that his wife
wouldn't get stoned
to death by the village?
No.
It's more likely that
an angel inseminated her,
and she gave birth
to a magical wizard
who could rise from the dead?
He's not
David Copperfield.
Why do you have
to believe in the divinity
of Jesus Christ
to know that robbing
a bank is wrong,
and picking someone
off the ground is right.
That's like asking
why you think you need
to believe in gravity
to know that if you throw
a rock off a ledge
it's going to hit somebody in the head.
Science isn't something
you believe in.
Science has to be proven
or they don't get
to call it science.
What would be great
is if you knew something
about Christians before you...
It's a fairy tale.
No, it's not.
We've been having
this fight for six months.
We've been having this fight
for two years!
We have been having this fight
in two different millennia now!
You really would have thought
one of us would have won by this point.
Aw, Matt.
I just love you is all.
It's okay that
you're a heathen.
Well, I appreciate that.
Come pray with me.
I'll show you how.
You'll learn something new.
???
What's going on?
What is it?
All right.
I'm on my way over.
Jordan's having
an emergency C-section.
We'll take my car.
Matt?
Show me something.