Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 3, Episode 7 - Herr Loermann - full transcript

Mr. Loermann.

[Stromberg]When I got in line here, I still had a full head of hair.
I still had a full head of hair.


Oh God, Mr. Loermann.

Hearing aid turned off?

I always turn off my device at noon!

Also 'ne quite tragic number,
the Loermann.

[Erika] I have been looking forward to the
I've been looking forward to the meat all day.

- Bargain more for the lady?
- I won't say no to that, sir.

But do not celebrate next week sick
with 'ner fat poisoning!

Just the salad please, thank you.

What do you want?

Originally I wanted to eat something,
but I guess I'm in the wrong place.

- What does that mean?
- Nothing. I'll take the... vomit.

I'll make you a special portion, Mr. Stromberg.
special portion, Mr. Stromberg.

[One hears a roaring
and spitting sound]

So people like that are also...
uh, aren't they?

- What did the cook say?
- Nix!

Oh, yes, because he often makes
makes such impertinent remarks,

where I then do not know
what to say.

[Cutlery clatters]

[Title melody]

- Mr. Stromberg?
- Oh, Lord... Meal.

Just very briefly, what does
the archive conversion?

We talked about it before Christmas
before Christmas.

That everything from '96 - 2000 has to be reworked to the SHU.
has to be reworked.

Ahso yes, that's right, uh....
Erika, what's wrong with that!!!

Here, what Mr. Becker said,
the '96 to 2000 stuff.

- What about it?
- What is, I want to know from you!

- It is about reworking to the SHU.
- Is the first time I hear that topic.

There I have nevertheless last
I wrote an e-mail last week.

- No!
- Yes!

Probably did not read it because of
bad bridge day flu.

I was sick.

Then now pronto Toronto

I am on leave of absence,
because of my application to the works council.

Oh, that's right, the shirking committee
is newly elected.

But Mr. Becker is right,
that must be finished.

- And that is--
- You yourself are doing it now!

You have known this for more than two months
and delegate this last week?

You've got to be kidding me!

I want to have it for the first time
I want to have it for the first time!

- Huh?
- Mr. Becker said that you--

Yes, for God's sake, I'm not deaf!

[Wusel, you have to stick this exactly
on the fold.

Why can't we send an email
instead of the handicraft crap?

I am really looking forward and
now you come back and...

That's cute, what's that?

The invitations for the
housewarming party. Here, for you.

Friday from 8, there is also food.

Friday... I can.
But I can also do Thursday.

Or Wednesday or any other time.
Great, thank you!

Are there also
nice single women or something?

I would be quite...
Spring is coming soon.

Yes, my mother is coming, she is a widow.

[Bert laughs] Ulf and his jokes.
Nah, but thanks!

I'm glad!

Hello, you didn't really invite
Ernie, did you?

- Oh, he never comes out.
- He shouldn't.

Friday fits great, we can celebrate
celebrate my election to the works council.

Did you make this, Ulf, huh?

Ey, stop it! Stop it, Erika!

Och which one was mine now?
Oh sweet!

Boah cool, who is still coming?
Edmund Stoiber?

Oh what, watched and built?

Inauguration party on Friday?
Great! I can.

Our apartment isn't that big.

Therefore rather in a small circle...

Ah so, yes does not matter.

Should you actually
dress up on Friday?

Because Erika comes in a cocktail dress.

Oh this Friday,
I can't anyway.

I have my...
my... pfft.

I am 'n wolf in wolf's clothing.

You have to be as a boss.

I don't have to be with everyone either.
Halligalli to be there.

Be popular.
to one's own people

To bug,

I consider to be complete mumbo jumbo.

If you are popular as a boss
you have done something wrong.

You might as well let everyone
dance around like a disco.

Here, Gabi, this is a friend of mine.
Friend of mine,

she knows a lot
with fashion and everything.

- She'll probably go shopping with me.
- I can't drink that much coffee.

Whereby girlfriend not physically,
just like that.

Whereby... Yes, no, she has a boyfriend.

Yes Ernie, buy yourself a nice suit.

It's about time,
that you afford something.

Maybe a doormat!

As a housewarming present
for Tanja and Ulf.

We can't run up empty-handed.

I was thinking more like this.

[Ernie] For putting something in.
Cookies and stuff.

Tanja doesn't bake.

But doormat,
Ulf must be thinking again--

Tell me, do you have here 'nen
Party service or what!?

As far as I know, this is
still 'an insurance here!

[Erika] We're going to take a break.

Yes, you are taking a little
much break lately.

- I had a sick bill!
- Yeah... come!

There were many sick
last week. Virus and so on.

By the way, I have very well
Mail because of the stuff!

Yes, I saw that now too.

But I stand up there
in front of that like August Dösig.

[Stromberg] You either have a fucking
sick certificate or shitty works council!

Erika does a lot
after work.

For the works council,
and I don't think that--

And Ernie lulled right along with it here,

Dick and Doof, that fits.


You should watch what you say,
Mr. Stromberg!

Otherwise you will meet the works council
right away.

Nothing there! When I am in the works council
some things will change here.

[Erika] And then you won't get away with your little
with your little spirits!

[Stromberg] They look like the
mixed choir of the Salvation Army!

So works council is already important.

They wanted to dismiss me,
but now they are litigating for me.

Because of my
because of my limited hearing...

I have only 20%
in one ear.

Oh, all quitters.
Here, every week session

and then celebrate nice and sick.
If I only see the fat Burstedt....

[Well, then more people would apply.
more people would apply.

But there are only 6 candidates
for 6 places.

All nullpen and shirkers!

Last year I also thought about it,
whether I should participate.

Between the fat Erika
and you I would know who to choose.

Just run
against the Erika.

I am curious how cheeky she is,
if she is not elected.

- I am not the type for--
- Is nonsense now!

If Jesus had given up just before the crucifixion
would have given up,

then Easter would not be a holiday today.

- Yes, but--
- Yes for sure!

Imagine, if I then
in the background as a consultant,

Trainer, as a mentor...
That would be a laugh!

- You?
- Yes, sure!

And in the works council you are not dismissable!

Also completely without ears,
doesn't give a damn then.

Otherwise... Good.

Maybe the
the morons mess up your process,

then you will be standing there.
And at your age, without ears....

My dear swan, ne?

There it is then called
but hello Hartz 4.

So yes... I would...
would appeal to me...

So that's it.
Here, the, uh,

Loermann, he is also a member
in your club!

[Stromberg] In a country
like Germany there is a maximum of 5%,

who know which way the rabbit goes...
so where the lies.

- First name was?
- Uh, Walter.

Walter Loermann.
Yes, good man!

[Stromberg] The rest is coming.
From the department Peilnix & Sons.

But I always say,
empty cans also make noise.

And there I see one of my tasks,

this... uh... To help people.

Can you go to the Turkish Market on Thursday
and buy avocados?

- What for?
- For 'an avocado dip' on Friday.

- Avocado dip?
- Mhm.

Oh, and limes for the caipis.

Shall I buy umbrellas
and four pounds of tofu?

What's wrong with
beer and a bucket of potato salad?

Spritti and Sven think yes
I would have my tail

in the old apartment
when I come to them with avocado dip.

Spritti and Sven
are not invited at all.

Yes, I just sent them
just sent them an e-mail.

[The sound of Ulf's
Toys in the background]

You invite a honk like Ernie,
but my buddies are not allowed?

They get drunk again
and puke in the umbrella stand.

Well, they're just having fun.

The thing with the umbrella stand was once
two years ago.

Listen Wusel, I don't want,
that they come.


I'm going up to Biggie's for a minute.


[UIf] If you don't pay attention,
you have a sign.

Hanging there made of salt dough.

"Here love, quarrel and reconcile.
similar to Heinz and Gabi" or something.

No shit. A buddy of mine
really has that.

That's so, rather now 'n... Ex-buddy.

I'm really afraid that Tanja will put a potted flower
Tanja will put a potted flower on the boxes.

I also don't know if it's
worth it in the end.

I just don't know if you
in the end necessarily

like all the others, you know?

Hey, a potted flower
on the boxes is not possible.

Elections are always about the women

that is why it is important
that first of all the women say:

"Holla, the Loermann!
My dear Kokoschinsky!"

Besides, you have to show people
that they are listened to by you.

- Hearing now not in the sense of...
- I don't believe that this is so

- is a great idea--
- Yeah sure!

Do you think
Burstedt has a program? Ne!

She tells on me
just to the Becker.

This is her program: Against me.
But she's fat!

There people say to themselves,
fat is comfortable, they vote.

Well, but a little plan
one needs yes already.

Yeah, um, sure!

Maybe how the order situation
of Capitol will be in the future--

Here, food. That's a good topic.

There we hit Erika
on her own terrain!

Frying pan.

Do you understand?

- Please?
- Exactly, it's all going to be great.

Fat Burstedt.

She will still look.

[Stromberg] Now...


The canteen is a real weak point
in the company.

I like what Loermann
said about the canteen!

Very good!
[quietly] Again.

So as I said, the canteen is
a real weak point

in the company.
If I were in the works council, I would

make sure that so to speak....

the uh, canteen...

[Stromberg] Very good man
for the works council, the Loermann.

Every sentence sits well with him.

Yes then, I'll have the vegetable curry.

[Stromberg] - It has that certain something.
- Do you think so?

[Koch] Hope it tastes good!

Do you think,
they are more likely to vote for him than for me?

Yes, but the photo
also looks again...

I was already in school
totally excited about something like that!

- Hi there!
- Ernie!

[Sabine] - George Clooney in the Capitol!
[Erika] - Yes what is that?

Ahso, yes that, that was set down.

I was with Gabi,
I told you,

she knows such stores. And this is
80% virgin wool and spandex.

- And here, the lining--
- It's like a before and after show!

Ernie, I think I'm ovulating right now!
immediately my ovulation!

The things I usually have,
are also branded things.

Holy shit, you look
like your own father in gay!

- Looks totally super!
- Sabbel lies without blushing.

- That was set down.
- Looks good, don't let anyone tell you anything!

Erika, do you know Mr.
Loermann, he makes fire under the...

I have already seen
that you are also a candidate.

I am curious how many mails
you write about me.

Yeah, um, I don't know....

Has already seh good points
addressed in the canteen.

- It's going to be tight, Erika.
- Here it's Virgin Wool.

[Stromberg claps.]
So. Kids! Hello!

Very briefly just now.

I would like to introduce someone.
And that is the Mr. Loermann.

Stand on it...
Very good man!

Stand on it.

He is running for the works council--

Erika is already running, isn't she?

Yes well, but she is now nix, ne?

Uh, attention!

Yes, I wanted to say,
my name is Walter... Loermann...

Hello, turn off the box there!


Mr. Stromberg has already
Mr. Stromberg already said.

Uh, thank you very much.

[Stromberg claps,
more or less alone]

[Loermann] I told you right away.
told you that I can't do it like that.

She would have to just a little bit more....

Why don't you laugh?
Tell a joke!

- What kind of joke?
- Yes what... uh...

I know a joke from Uncle Fritz,
he has a bicycle without a seat. What a thing!

Or something about you,
You must have hobbies!

- Huh?
- Hobbies!

Nah, kinda...
Listen, I like to go for a walk.

Yeah. It's... great.

- Oh, this is bad right now, I--
- What is this!?

All my photos say:
"Celebrate sick for everyone!"

- Not bad, that fits.
- [Becker] Was that you?

That can't be true.
That simply doesn't exist!

You are afraid that you will get more pressure
get more pressure if I am elected

- so you try with all your--
- Hold your breath.

Because it's not that kosher either!

She whispers all the time
with the Jendretzke 'rum.

And the fine Mr. company doctor
writes her off sick.

Do you think I am stupid?

Didn't he tell me that he
once for free 'n Scheinchen issues.

What does this have to do with the photos now?

We'll talk about that later.

I only need to hear the word blood pressure
only to hear, then I get dizzy.

In that respect, I am a bit....

I have been with
so long at the Capitol.

And I know how I feel there.

And my organs are quasi
even longer with the same company.

And I am not surprised,
that they go on strike from time to time.

They don't even have a works council.

Yes no, I need
a time-out now and then.

I would like the works council elections
in a civilized way.

That goes for both of you!

What is
with the 96 to 2000 predecessors?

- This... uh, that runs.
- You'll have them ready by the first one!

Without ifs and buts!

[Door rattles as Becker departs]

So, come on...uh....

He's crazy. All '96s to 2000s!
Do you know how many that is?

Why do we have to do
do all the shit here?

- He just had to find a dope.
- But now he has two dopes.

If we had invited him,
we wouldn't have to do it now.

- Nonsense.
- Sure, you didn't see

how he looked,
when he was not invited?

Forget it. Not first Ernie
and then Stromberg, too.

I'm just saying, it would be better for us.

Just do what you want,
I don't give a damn about the fucking party.

- That makes two of us.
- So, all still '96s.

What do you think of these things?

This is, uh... Virgin Wool.

Yes? I didn't know that at all.

Yes, but with women
that goes down quite well, what do you think?

Do you think one will bite?

The one from fat Erika
goes against me!

"...some bosses here use their
Position, around itself at expense..."

Nanana, who is fiddling
on our wall?

You here, no, I was just...
Don't you know each other?

Here, this is Loermann, who is also running
for the works council.

- Yes, I know, Sabine Buhrer.
- I always say Sabbel.

- Hello, yes this is Moni from the 4th class.
- Hello.

Will be difficult against the Erika,
she makes right election campaign.

Yes, I also see myself
quite clearly as an outsider--

Oh Loermann, that's nonsense,
he is super, he has--

Oh here. Mr. Capitol, come over here!

Moni, have you seen
our new sex symbol?

Oh, I just bought
only bought new things.

They were discounted--

Hello, can we stick to the topic
topic? So the Loermann...

We don't know each other yet.
Monika Hansen from the 4.

I like to go for a walk and so on.

I am a claims adjuster.
Uh, Heisterkamp.

Where did you get that?
That's a fancy one!

Yes, that is something Italian.

Italian I had also once
on vacation.

I think his name was Alberto.

[Sabine and Monika laugh]

Come with me, we are going to eat cake now.
Come along!

- Yes, I...
- You can come along!

[Stromberg] Some people have the dear
God made just before closing time. Sure.

But uses nix, one must
also work with such people.

And as a boss you are
always like a handyman.

Always had to see if you could
you could make something out of the scrap heap.

Or whether it's really of no use anymore.

Or like this, huh...

- [mumble] council election....
- Do you know the joke about Uncle Fritz?


- I told you I can't do that.
- Wasn't so bad once.

[Stromberg] Often it's like that, where others
wave off, I still see 'a possibility.

[Stromberg] That will be fine, but
Clothes is 'n point.

Ernie looks like a scrambled egg
like a scrambled egg, but with the suit...

Loermann, it also depends
depends on the packaging!

Wine also matures in a barrel
and not in the garbage can.

Come on,
I invite you for a coffee.

Now do it!

Did you delegate that?

The '96 through 2000,
did you delegate that?

Yeah, nope, the...

I have, nevertheless, expressly said,
that you have to do it yourself--

- Yes, but--
- And now Mrs. Burstedt says--

Therefore the wind blows, that the at all
Time finds between two pies--

I do not know what you expect
expect from this small war.

But if she gets into the works council,
you will have a hard time.

- She won't.
- She's got herself at the Wehmeyer

already complained about you because of
the smeared photos.

- I was just kidding!
- I tell you that

now for the last time, Mr Stromberg.

You take care of these procedures,
single-handedly and personally.

- Yes but that--
- And to the first one!

- Do we understand each other?
- Running.

[Piano music and vacuum cleaner]

Stromberg must now
everything himself.

Yes, but you have already
already invited him, right?

Pff, cool, ey!

I thought... I can not
suspect that we do not have to do it.

Very briefly, the III.
Is it actually lumped?

- Yes.
- Yes, sure.

Yes, I thought before I get rusty,
I do it myself.

I am looking forward to Friday.
Is good that

my thing has fallen out,
otherwise I would not have come.

- Mr. Stromberg, quick question.
- What is that?

What? But you said...

You look
like the Cap Anamur.

Come on, let's... let's go outside.
Come with me for a minute.

When you realize in the middle of the race.

You bet on the wrong horse.

Or your horse is a donkey,
then it's all of no use.

Then you have to go on!

According to the principle
most marriages work.

[Cutlery clatters on china]

Say... say!

- Who do you vote for at the works council?
[Employee] - But that's secret!

- Well, I would vote for the Loermann.
- No!

Yes, come on. Good man.

Outwardly like 'ne Karre crap, okay,
but the bulb is tip top.

Only mentally just
before the main cemetery.

How now?

Let's put it this way, lately
I have been talking to... and he hears nothing,

with the women runs nothing and so on.

And if he now does not even
in the works council,

I would not be surprised if
he dangles one morning from the ceiling.

Can I have the mustard, woman...?

[Loermann] You can't be everywhere.
telling people that I am depressed!

That's all politics,
that's part of it.

Why do you think 'ne
Merkel was elected?

Ossi, woman, looks like shit, ne?

All just pity,
that's how democracy works!

[Staff] It will be all right, Mr. Loermann.

Yes. See? It's going on.

[Oh, kids!

The results must be coming soon.

Kids, the excitement
is really not for me.

- My heart is already up to here.
- There are the results down there!

- Oh God, Great God.
- Here, double click.

Yeah, wait, wait....

So Sabine Buhrer: 193 votes,
Schmelzer: 142

Putthammer-Kluth: 111,

Harald Grün: 103, tell me where is....

Wait a minute...
Loermann: 98 votes,

Burstedt -->

Och well, you can just say nothing.

It's not so bad after all.

I think so too.
Don't hang your head.

- But to lose against Loermann...
- He was elected out of pity.

[Stromberg cheers] Yes!


Now is good.

[Party atmosphere and music]

Come on, it's not so bad.
Here, have a drink.

I put myself into it so much!

I have already taken leave
for the training in May.

Next year is an election again, isn't it?

I can't do it again...

[Stromberg] Oh, my goodness,
what's the matter with you?

Are we out of food or...?

Leave me alone.

Somebody can lose badly.

You can lay a wreath,
at the grave of the unknown works council.

[Party atmosphere with music]

[Stromberg] But the floor
you're going to tear out?

No, we have
just had it moved.

Holy shit,
why don't you ask me?

Does this thing have impact sound?

Well, it's laminate, right?
Laminate is shit, of course,

is in principle only
a wood photo on pressboard.

If here the moisture
gets into the joints

then the
swells up like a floater.

Oh! Look at that thing, the Erika!

She is tipping herself away, like that.

So much for the "fat pants" at the
Becker, she has to get up earlier!

Whereby with the Erika is
actually automatically thick pants!

Ulf, will you take care of the music?

[Music changes, Smoke on the Water]

Oh here, boah awesome!

Woah, it's good, that thing!

What's that called again?
Turn it up!

[Smoke on the Water
booms from the speakers]

[Full throttle atmosphere]

- Tomorrow.
- Yes, morning,

have you already seen
the official election results here?

The Erika, with over 40 votes
against the Loermann here...

Yes, Morgen, and who is not here today?
[whistles] The Burstedt.

I don't have to say anything about it anyway.
Monday is a day off.

- Have you heard already with Erika?
- Joo, completely screwed up against Loermann!

- She is in the hospital.
- Oh...

Is she getting
injected with fat, or...?

A heart attack probably,
she is in intensive care.

Looks probably quite bad
the doctors have said.

Oh, but that is now...

It was probably all too much,
all the excitement.

Friday I still said:
"Don't take it so much to heart."

Yes, it can happen that quickly.

[Piano music]