Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 3, Episode 6 - Lulu - full transcript

- [Erika] Is this seat free?
- [Employee] No!

[Canteen noises]

[Stromberg] No, but, but is free!
Sit down please!!!

- [Becker] Is your seat free?
- Sure! I didn't see you at all...

[Stromberg] The new customer list,
that you wanted,

that's coming... there I just have to....

When you got divorced, were you,
with the lawyer?

My wife, now she also wants to....
I "work too much"...

Has also caught me quite cold,
I must say.

I always thought...well....

Yes, yes... fucking women...

All the money they cost!
Here 'a cream, there 'a calf...

Then you look at the old woman and think:
What is it all for?

And a divorce is even
much more expensive!

I love her...
my wife is a great woman...

Yes, yes, that's clear...

I have to be present at home now,

so I wanted to ask you
to represent me internally.

For a while... can you manage that?

Me now?

We forget the trouble
we had...

I'm also going to stand up for you again with Wehmeyer
for you...

Of course... sure, why not?
If I can help...

Yeah, divorce, it's always...
like soul AIDS,

where you slowly rot away,
because you fucked around with the wrong one...

respectively uh... with the right one.

You can completely
on me,

Mr. Becker...

- Meal time!
- Meal.

Lulu! Come on! Nice foot!

Look Lulu! The people from TV,

where I told you about.

[Ernie] Lulu she don't do nothing.
She's all...

Lulu belonged to my mother,
she is no longer...

[Phone rings]

[Ernie] Ne Lulu!
Aunt Hildegard had you....

[Erika on phone]

But then she had to go to the hospital
because of... [Erika on phone]


Ernie. I can't talk on the phone
if you keep calling Lulu.

[Ernie] I want to see you,
if you were this small...

how you suddenly get along in a strange environment
on all fours...

[Stromberg] Oh, what's that?
The 73 sweet and sour, 'sum Mittenehme'?

No, the Lulu, and that belonged to
my mother's...

- [Ulf] What is the fighting pinscher doing here?
- [Ernie] Ulf, the dog is my guest!

[Ulf] Oh, a stupid dog...
like a guide dog only for dumb people.

[Erika laughs]

[Ernie] Mr. Stromberg,
I don't want Ulf--

You have to put him to sleep anyway. A
A dog is against the house rules...

I can issue a special permit.
I can issue a special permit...

So, namely, Ulf!

But if Becker
does not sign--

[Stromberg] It's still valid, Ulf,
for the time being I have all powers of attorney again

even without the Becker.

Because he was pissed off...

I wanted to make an
official announcement!

- Kids!
- Just for a moment...

Until further notice, Becker...
is Becker...

for the time being no longer here.
So everything goes through Dad again.

- Becker [Thumbs down]
- Papa [thumbs up]

[Stromberg] I'm like a bacon rind,
which you throw into the sea...

I always come back up. Low tide, high tide,
I don't give a damn, you can't get me under...

[Stromberg] Whereby, bacon I mean now.
not externally. I have rather so...

[Stromberg] Yes, character bacon...

...there everything rolls off, and left and right,
it makes more often gluck, gluck ...

Gluck, gluck gluck...

Yes, what I always say,

life is like a surprise bag:
In every corner 'a surprise...

- Knock, knock!
- Erika!

I got all the stuff from the
Acquisition reduction history at HKU.

Actually, Mr. Becker wanted to...
Shall we now... ?

Yes, you should, Mrs. Burstedt.
Always in with the junk!

I actually just need to know
whether I can use this as a primary quota...

or as a lump sum
over the twos?

- Um.
- There!


You know what, Erika? You can
like the priest Assmann...

Pastor Assmann does
that always like pastor Nolte...

And pastor Nolte, he always did it
the way he wanted...

[Stromberg laughs,
Erika is unsettled]

[Stromberg] This is fun,
When you get flushed up and realize:

Oh, I'm back on top again.

[Stromberg] Must I say...

- What's it going to be, ey?
- Herr Steinke, you and I need to talk....

I have a very, very, very important
message for you...

Don't say now,
that you are pregnant...

or I'll staple
my wrists...

You are such an idiot!
You always have to break everything!

- What happened now?
- We have the apartment, you bucket!

[Ulf] Nah! Now really?

The one with the big living room, or what?

This is awesome...
really now, or what?

[Tanja] He called,
we can go in right now if we want to.

[Ulf] Hey, cool shit, Mrs. Seifert...

[Tanja] But we have to take over the kitchen
and he wants 8000 for it...

8000 what? Don't say Euro now.

Stupid, I don't have it with me.

[Tanja] We'll get it together
somehow together.

[Tanja, a kitchen for 8000 Euro...

- We can forget that completely!
- No, we don't forget that!

Otherwise we will be sitting here next year
and want to move in together.

[Tanja] You quit your apartment!
All your junk is at my place....

[Tanja] It's getting on my nerves anyway!

[Mr. Stromberg, I have a question.
a question.

Ulf has given notice to leave his apartment...

Would you mind if he
put a few boxes in the archive room?


For all I care. I don't give a damn...

Because Mr. Becker is freaked out,
when Maya here...

I am not the Becker...
I am not!

[Ernie] Yes, now there's fine food,
yes look, there is the aunt Tanja...

Oh, there she is again, Lala!

She is like a human being, Lulu,
she understands everything... ne?

[Ernie] I understand my mother,
that she rather took Lulu,

[Ernie] instead of marrying again,
after my father...

I also get along better with female dogs
than with real women...

Ernie, can I ask you a question....

you have something
from your mother.

Yes, nice Schmackofätzchen
for my sweetheart... Hm?

Well, Ulf and me could have a
clean apartment,

Ulf does not want to take a loan
and we are short of 8000 euros...

Yes, Lulu wants her food
in the bowl...?

I wanted to ask if maybe you,

can help us out somehow...

Yes, Napfi-napf! No! Nice.

[Stromberg] Morning.
Oh, have they started already?

Had to shake hands with my little
Foreign Minister down there.

[Stromberg] The excitement,
I haven't been there for a long time.

We're out of towels in the bathroom... woman...
can you let Dings know?

[Stromberg] So, kids, let's go...

Every year again,
Comes dear Bernd [sings]

Sorry for being late,
I still had to wring my trunk.

It's a mood like at grandma's under her skirt...
What's going on? Is someone dead, or?

We are holding a conference call right now...

Hello? [Telephone]

Hello? What's going on with you?

[Wehmeyer] The representative of
Claims has arrived.

I had specifically said.
Two o'clock fifteen... [telephone]

There the communication in the house
something went wrong...

[Telephone] Yes, if you work like that,.
your balance sheets.

also not surprising...

Good morning, Stromberg, Bernd Stromberg,
I am for the Mr. Becker ...

That has 'ne blasentechnische explanation,
my being late.

Uh, could you
[Stromberg hung up by mistake]

Ah, now I'm on the wrong one here,

but this is also very fimschig
made here...

Now let's do that without...

[Wehmeyer loudly] What do you think
What do you think you are doing here?

I would really ask you now,
before we continue here...

[Wehmeyer] Do you think,

you have fool's liberty because of
this television thing?

[Stromberg] Central?
Stromberg to Central?!

That was a stupid thing to do
with that thing there...

- It has happened to all of us before...
- Oh yeah? Yes?

No, no. Of course not. [laughs]

I would watch not to be in the house,

when the Wippermann
comes from the central office.

- Wipp... Wippermann, who is that?
- "Kopp-ab-Rudi!"

- Kopp- ab--
- Rudi.

This is his internal name. Rudi Wippermann,

who checks all branches during the year
and looks,

where things are not going according to the rules.

So'n right diploma Corinthenkacker.

And when he has found enough
then heads roll.

The other day flew one
who had his bicycle in the office.

- A bicycle?
- Yes.

- [Wehmeyer] Mr. Stromberg!
- Yes!

- And dogs?
- Quite bad...

this is a dismissal on four paws.

See that Becker is back,
when Wippermann comes...

Ah yes, sure...

[Ulf! This is bad.

I'm just sitting with the liability claims
from the last quarter,

and all the documents are right there
where all your boxes are sticking out.

[Ulf] Boah, ey, go die dude! Really...

[Ernie] For that remark just now,
you go now with Lulu for a walk.

And you put your stuff in this corner.

What are you doing?

Dwarf megalomania is hitting the ground running,
or which demonstration do you have running?

- Does that mean no?
- Let me think for a second...yes,

that means no...

[Ernie] Well, then I'll talk
now with Tanja.

[Stromberg] Are the Hempels moving,
or what's going on here?

[Ulf] Tanja said,
she had talked to them.

[Steps on squeaky rubber animal
by Lulu]

Boah and that fucking mutt....
it makes me all...

[Ulf, can I talk to you for a moment...
with you...

You can hook that, forget it....

[Stromberg] That's not absolutely necessary,
Mr. Wehmeyer, that you--

[Wehmeyer] After everything that I have seen
and heard,

I think it is very necessary,

[Wehmeyer] that I make myself a picture
about the department,

before Wippermann comes.

[Tanja] He gives us for it interest-free
the money...

[Ulf] That I walk with the fucking
I'm walking the fucking dog?

[Tanja] Yes, that you stop,
to annoy him

and do him a little
do him a little favor...

[My ass! Really, I don't!

[Stromberg] The thing is
Mr. We--

The sheep--

What is the sheep more afraid of?
Of the shepherd...

...or of the sheepdog?

I'm going to fix them up,
you don't have to worry...

there is a completely different tone,
since I've been in charge...

And I will also in the future,
as long as I am here at the helm...

This is not mine, Tanja said
I have to go out with it...

Well, I believe that now but times
not at all!

We will talk about it again.

Here, Ulf?!

Hi, I just wanted to give Ulf
these are these plastic bags...

you can reach into them...
and then you take the pile like this...

you can take that in your hand.
Then you turn...

Yes, if he doesn't want to,
then he has to take the pile, oh iii...


The two soaking noses are
Thank God not representative for....

Mr. Wehmeyer...

[Wehmeyer] This is all even worse,
than I had imagined.

[Stromberg] Joah, such small mistakes belong
part of it, otherwise...

It's like a flute without holes,
nothing comes out...

[Wehmeyer] Employees store boxes of private property
Private property in your premises!!!

Ulf ...this is eh... a problemulf....

I don't know either,
how long the still portable--

You have a dog in the department!!!


Wippermann only has to see the dog,
then it's closing time here.

Yes, with the Ernie one must also consider,
how long he will last...

- No...
- Yes, yes...

It's closing time for you, Stromberg!!!

For you! This is your department!!!

I don't take any responsibility
for this mess, I tell you!

And I tell that also to the head office!!!

All right, everybody, listen up!
[Claps hands]

[Stromberg] From now on, I'm blowing here....

a completely different wind
through this uh... pigsty!!!

This lax rumgearbeite must
stop me!

I have tried in good
but I can also do differently!

- Why? We are doing--
- Quite differently I can!!!

And I can do that much better!!!

I thought, now that you...

Employees store here boxes of
Private property! I think my hamster...


- You have to imagine that!!
- [Tanja] I have asked her--

I tried it in a good way!!

If you thank me like this,
then you do not need to be surprised!

And the first thing is to get rid of
this mutt away!!

Nah, you gave me
given me permission--

- There I have--
- A dog in the office!?


[Stromberg] There I can write my own
my own resignation!

[Stromberg] We are not here
with Daktari!

[Stromberg] We are colleagues,
not friends.

[Stromberg] This is not about,
doing each other's hair.

or getting your period together...

What they need to understand out there
is that I am the boss...

[Stromberg] When things are running smoothly for me,
shines with them also the sun...

[Stromberg] but if something with me.
brewing together,

then it thunders also with them!

Whereby, a thunder is not
not so bad,

a thunder just tells you: "Oh oh".

If you don't pay attention
you'll get a wet ass...

[Erika]Now everything
about the two?

[Erika] The whole
Reduced earning capacity cases?

[Stromberg] I got the shit
from the accounting department...

[Erika] I thought you said it didn't matter....

[Stromberg] Oh never mind, never mind is 88.

- So I--
- Never mind is ketchup with tomato sauce!

[Stromberg] Egal is Uncle Otto...

This is the opposite of doesn't matter.
This here is NOT regardless!!!

With employees we talk
we only talk about 'wet ass'.

For me as a boss...

Boss is like riding a bike
without a saddle...

You always have to pedal and woe,
you sit down!

Then the ass is not wet,
then it is uh... off.

The ass.

[Ernie] That's not the way to do it!

[Ernie] First it's "giddyup"
and then no longer "hü"...

[So slowly Stromberg is really
really catches on. I had asked him especially.

[Erika] We really have to think about how we deal
we deal with the fact that Stromberg is so...

[Ernie] Into the potatoes and then out again
out again, where before he was all...

[Erika] Yes, Ernie, it's all right now!!!

[If we talk to Becker
talk with Becker, that would be ...

[All] No.

He has his own worries,
what you hear...

[Ernie] I just want to say,
that Lulu has to stay.

I got that in writing from Stromberg!
Now he can't--

[Stromberg is right!

[The fucking mutt has already peed on the copier.
the copier... she can go!

- Tanja..
- Ulf!

[Ulf] What is it?

[Erika] I think,
we should give the Stromberg...

I know that we have signed for the
Signed for the apartment!

[He can't do
what he wants!

[He has crossed a line,
that we must tell him clearly.

[Ulf] Ernie, your mutt is super.

So, are you satisfied now?

I would say,
we all go in to him.

[All agree.]

What is it?

[Erika] We are not
more willing to accept your contradictory--

[Ernie] Can you just
behind your ears--

[Erika] Ernie!

[Stromberg] Is with you now completely
in the millet

a wire burned through,
or what is going on here?

- [Ernie] Nah, I just want the lulu--
- [Erika] Yes, Ernie!!!

We do not see
that what was valid yesterday

should not be valid today,
just because you...

[Stromberg] Do you actually understand
what's going on here? Departmentally?

Kids, the folding spade will soon be dancing here,

if not train comes in,
into the hut here!

Here comes one from the central office!!!

[Stromberg] If he gets this,
then Ciao Ceauşescu!!!

[Ulf] Well, I'm going to leave now.

Yes what, work.

[Stromberg] This is the first
reasonable sentence

from you in years, Mr. Steinke!

[Erika] Yes well...

[Erika] We are now only doing service
by the book.

If one cannot be sure with you
can be--

This is one hotte hü ...

That you know about!

[Stromberg] Now I know...
and now get out of here,

Otherwise I'll get a spray chair here!

[Did you have a cold pee-pee yesterday?
cooled down, ne?

Now always put on a coat
before going out, not,

that you put your strulli everywhere.

I told you yesterday
that the mutt is coming away!

I have a permission from you!
By electronic mail!

[Ernie] Here, e-mail. You have to
You have to revoke it first!

- Do you mean--
- In writing!

- Do you mean--
- By giving reasons!

Do you think I let
because of the plush rat,

an enema
from the head office?

- The mutt is coming away, bang out!!!
- Nah, she ain't coming!!!

Here, Lehnhoff, do you have
the things ready?

- What I said yesterday?
- No...

They have to be regularly checked first by the
individual clerk

to be checked,

For the time being I will
not instruct...

This is how it works according to the regulations...

[Ernie] He's right about that,
that's the regulations.

[Ernie] Boom out!

[Stromberg performs
a squeaky animal from Lulu]

[Ernie to Lulu] So, bad man, ne?

This is not a casserole,
this is bodily harm...

- [Sabine] This one is all right.
- [Hans] I find the casserole thing--

[Stromberg] This all pisses me off so much!

There have been tastier things than--

[Stromberg] The whole store pisses me off, they're all complete.
me, they are all completely...

Yes, I'm also in a really shitty mood.

I have to do all the T3 stuff

because the Helmholtz is sick,
Ingo has his period, just bitches around.

Tomorrow my niece will be five,
I haven't got a present yet...

[Buy her a doll.
An office Barbie...

- Just like the aunt--
- [Sabine] Well, she already has many dolls.

[Hans] Or a game.

[Hans] Buy her a hamster,
the parents will be happy too...

[Sabine] Yes, that's right.

[Sabine] She would totally freak out,
I would be her favorite aunt right away!

- Animal is always good.
- Do you know where a pet store is?

[Stromberg] Nah, you don't need to.
I have something for you.

How you got something for me?

Now eat up
and then come with me...

[Ernie calls for Lulu and squeaks
with Lulu's toy]

[Ernie] Have you seen a dog?

So big, with eyes like that,

with such a little tail in the back.
If she is happy...

Nah... I didn't.
[Ernie groans in annoyance.]

I was only big for a short time
and all of a sudden...

Ah, here you come!
It's best we split up.

I go up, you go down
and you look everywhere here.

Maybe crawl into the corners too,
if there's somewhere...

Maybe she also
fallen into the toilet,

should I also dive through for a moment
and look?

- Ulf, I'm not nervous right now--
- Ulf, now just look.

But you are standing so much in

in this fucking kitchen and cooking,
you don't believe it.

[Erika] I just wanted to tell you,
That I have the acquisition change things....

now in the classical way
and then forward...

completely by the book.

[Erika] And that you are not surprised
when they come back!

[Stromberg] If you want to
want to eat with the devil,

then you need
a very long spoon,

other people have cut their teeth
the teeth on me,

than you can imagine,
in your little...

[Stromberg] red head there....

I'm looking for Mr. Stromberg.

- [Stromberg] What is it?
- [Wipperman] Wipperman my name.

[Stromberg] Mr. Wipp... I thought,
you would come first...

tomorrow or the day after tomorrow...
or maybe even...

Ah... how many times I've said this before:
The bulletin board is not made of glass.

Yes, this is my...

Shall we go to my place for a moment?

So to my office?

Yes, why not.

[Lulu's toy squeaks]

Pigs have to die for schnitzel,

I have already told my staff x times,
insofar it is clear to all,

that they have to make sacrifices.

I just mean if you talk to my
People, and a little bit of nagging....

about I should hear...

A popular boss,
that's like a thin woman with thick...

There one thinks also immediately,
there is something wrong, there...

but it was helped,
that has the mother...

with the nature quite beautifully...

- Another coffee?
- No, thanks.

Oh, this one...

This one is the X-File...

It just doesn't help me right now,
Mr. Stromberg.

[Wehmeyer] There we have
the salad, in writing.

Wippermann was not at all
not satisfied!

I'll start with you, Vogt.

[Wehmeyer] "The work coordination
is in the whole department

[Wehmeyer] completely inadequate,

[Wehmeyer] abysmal synergy utilization."

[Wehmeyer] "Claims settlement....

[Wehmeyer], on the other hand, is pleasantly noticeable.

[Wehmeyer] In the processes a rather
too strong adherence to regulations.

[Wehmeyer] More flexibility
would do good.

Pleasantly tightly run department."

[Wehmeyer] Mr. Pötsch,
what was going on with you?

"Disastrous conditions" is written here--.

[Stromberg] So!!! But you can
calmly times... on the tongue.

As if I'm no longer portable.

[Mr. Stromberg,
can I now continue...

Yeah, ne...

You can admit that,
there is no crown falling from your head.

because in general it is always pretended,
"the Stromberg...

Ha ha...

Pleasant, tight guidance."
Because that's what it looks like...

[Wehmeyer] Can I continue
continue here?

[Stromberg] Yeah, I just wanted to....

- [Wehmeyer] I guess we get--
- [Stromberg] "Tight leadership".

I guess we get--

[Stromberg laughs.]
"Catastrophe" is what you've got!

- [Wehmeyer] A catalog of measures--.
- Yes! Rightly so!

- Yes! Rightly, I would like to say!
- [Ernie] So, now it's finally over!

- [Ernie] Did you give Lulu away??
- T'sorry, he wanted to be here....

My aunt was stripped
the whole abdomen.

[Ernie almost cries] And the dog is
the only thing they have left...

[Ernie cries] [Ernie cries] [Ernie cries] [Ernie cries] [Ernie cries]

[Wehmeyer] What's going on anyway?!

Mr. Stromberg must have stolen the dog
from Mr. Heisterkamp

and gave it to my niece.

[Pötsch] That's...

Well, dog in the office...

Then you know right away that the
Kopp-ab-Rud uh Wippermann...

[Ernie cries and sobs]

[Stromberg] Jesus, Ernie!

[Ernie sobs
and can't say anything back]

[A child shrieks]

[Woman] That is out of the question!
out of the question!

[Stromberg] For God's sake, say something!
say something!

[Sabine] This is your thing now,
I said right away!

[Sabine] You have to
clarify with my sister.

[Stromberg] You, I was not allowed to
give the dog away.

[Child screams] No, no....

[Stromberg] Hello!! I told you,
I'll get a new mutt.

[Stromberg] Uh... Dog.

[Stromberg] 'N brand new,
huge super dog...

[Sabbel, you are the aunt!