Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 6, Episode 22 - Shear Madness - full transcript
Jean-Luc Rieupeyroux is asked to do first lady Hilary's hair during the presidential visit just now the salon is ready for its grand opening. Carole finds it about impossible to make him accept or explain why on earth not. Frank keeps turning away all pointlessly protesting Al's boy-dates, some at first glance. Then Frank meets 17-year old would be-contractor Pete, a fan of Lambert construction exactly to his own taste, and sets up a date for the teenagers, without asking Al.
98...
99...
100.
-Okay. Thank you, Mark.
-Any time, Frank.
-Hi, Daddy.
-Hi, honey.
You're the best daddy
in the world.
And I love you.
Will you take me
to the park?
Well, of course I will,
sweetheart.
Good, because Al said I get
a dollar if I get rid of you.
You weren't supposed
to say that part.
I'm five. Sue me.
Kids. You gotta
love 'em. Bye bye.
Yeah, ho, ho.
Freeze a minute here,
beautiful.
Why are you trying so hard
to get rid of me?
-Well, see I have this thing.
-No, wait a minute.
Let me guess.
You have a date coming over,
don't you?
That's right,
and, you know, Dad,
I am really tired of you
always giving them
a hard time.
When have I ever given
your dates a hard time?
Jason came over to pick me up,
and you pushed him against
the wall and frisked him.
Well, he was wearing a jacket
with a gang logo on it.
It said "Polo."
Frank, you're exhibiting
classic paternal behavior.
Your daughter's
becoming a woman,
and you're frightened
by her budding sexuality.
There ain't nothin' buddin'
around here, pal.
God.
That's Dillon. Dad...
Dad, can you
please try to keep
an open mind and be nice?
I am always nice
to your dates.
-Hello, sir...
-She's not home.
He's no good.
Okay.
Hah! I got the stereo
all set up, Mom.
This is so exciting.
I can't believe
in less than 18 hours,
the salon will be open.
'Allo, 'allo, Karen.
Are you playing
songs of tranquility again?
No, we don't
like that Karen.
You see, Karen,
this is very nice music.
Really, it's okay
if you want to, you know...
Mellow
out with a fruit smoothie
and have a bitchin' summer.
But...
It's not so good, you know,
in the salon,
because, we do not want
to put the customer to sleep.
When a woman come to Jean-Luc,
you know what she is
really looking for?
A haircut?
No.
She's looking,
Karen, for the total,
over-powering,
sensuous experience
that starts at the top
of her head and shivers
and vibrates all the way down
to the balls of her foot.
Okay, look. I show you.
This better.
This the kind of music.
The pulsating beat that
I want a woman to hear
when they come in
to the salon.
Because, you know it
puts them in the right mood.
Then I come up to her,
and I say,
"I love beautiful woman.
"Welcome to
Let Your Hair Down.
Let's really
let you hair down."
Walk this way.
And then you
push them together
onto the hair styling station.
And I turn to her
and I say, "I am Jean-Luc.
I will make all of
your grooming fantasies
come true."
Eagle has landed
at base-camp one.
- Afternoon, ma'am.
- Good afternoon,
but actually, sir,
we're really not open,
officially, until tomorrow.
I know that ma'am.
Name is T. Edwin Jarvis.
I'm from the White House.
The one in Washington D.C.,
where the President lives?
Check.
President and Mrs. Clinton
will be in town
on a political visit tomorrow.
Let's see some I.D.
Mrs. Clinton has always
admired Jean-Luc's work.
She's particularly impressed
by the way he handled
Princess Di, Madonna,
and that
"Hey, Vern" guy.
Jean-Luc is one of
the greatest hairdressers
in the world.
That's why Mrs. Clinton
wants him to do her hair.
Really?
That's fantastic.
Mrs. Clinton says
she wants to look like
that cute little Rachel
on Friends.
Really?
I mean, yeah, yeah,
we could do that.
And how about Bill?
Would Bill like
to have his hair cut,
because I could make him
look like George Clooney.
No, ma'am.
The President will be
showing his support
for small business next door,
at Bucket O' Beef.
Woah. That should really
boost their receipts.
Check.
Hillary Clinton!
Bye, Daddy.
We're going to the park.
No, you're not.
Not without a jacket.
Get back here.
You know better
than that.
Here we go.
Here. There.
This will keep ya
nice and warm.
How about you, Al?
I haven't seen you all day.
Is everything all right?
-Tell him.
-Al's not talking to you.
She says you're a poopy-head.
Al, I'm sorry if
I'm scaring off your dates.
But I'm your father.
And if somebody's not good
enough for you,
then I'm gonna do what I think
is necessary to protect you.
Dad, nobody's good
enough for you.
I'm gonna be living
here until I'm 45.
Well, if that's how long
it takes us to find
someone we like,
then we'll wait.
Tell him.
-Poopy-head.
-Let's go.
She says
I don't like any guys.
I like Troy Aikman.
I like Garth Brooks.
Why doesn't she bring
one of them home?
-Mr. Lambert?
-Yeah, that's me.
I'm Pete,
from Builder's Mart.
They sent me over with those
tile samples you called about.
Yeah.
Here, come on in.
I'll take a look at 'em,
you can take 'em back.
Sir, are you the Frank Lambert
of Lambert Construction?
Yeah, that's me.
I am a huge fan
of your work.
That remodel that you did
on the old Endicott building
was awesome.
Thank you.
Yeah, and-and that warehouse
that you built downtown...
That is poetry
in cinder block.
You really think so?
Absolutely.
Your work is genius.
I hope that, someday,
I can become a contractor
just like you.
Well, you keep your lumber dry
and your hammer high,
you might just make it.
Sir, you are the wisest man
I have ever met.
Gee,
how old are you, Pete?
It is Pete, isn't it?
Yes, sir.
I'm 16.
-Sixteen?
-Yeah.
That's good.
Sit down,
sit down, Pete.
Tell me, you,
you have a girlfriend?
Well, sir, I don't have
much time for that.
Well, with school and my job
and volunteering
at the church.
Hey, Pete, how'd you like
to go out on a date?
Where are you going
with this, sir?
No, not...
I was...
I was just talking
about my daughter.
Would you like to
take my daughter out?
-Go out with your daughter?
-Yeah.
Sir, I'd be honored.
Well, great.
You wanna see
a picture of her?
Not necessary. I mean,
if she's your daughter,
I'm sure she's "up to code."
This is so cool.
I'm actually going to meet
Hillary Clinton.
Big-whoop.
Man, I could be at
the entertainment event
of the century tonight.
Beavis and Butt-Head on Ice.
Rich.
Hillary Clinton has
revolutionized the role
- of the First Lady
in this country.
- Big deal.
Beavis is supposed to
skate in, drop his pants,
moon the audience,
and Butt-Head goes,
"That's cool."
Why am I dating you?
Yeah.
Pictures.
No more pictures, okay?
Okay. Maybe one more.
From my good side.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, already!
You know, I'm, I'm the only
touch of glamour
in their drab,
little lives.
They are not here
for you, Jean-Luc.
-Didn't you get my message?
-I got your message.
I don't know why
you're so excited.
You told me the first lady
is coming at noon.
I know the first lady
is coming at noon.
This is Mrs. Radney's.
She's coming
for her pedicure.
Don't forget
to charge her extra,
she has 12 toes.
No, no no.
Not the first
lady customer.
The First Lady.
The First Lady of
the United States.
Hillary Clinton is coming
here in 20 minutes,
and she wants you to
personally cut her hair.
I don't think so.
Jean-Luc, I know
this is very sudden
and I know that
she is very famous,
-but you can handle this!
-No, I cannot.
-Yes, you can!
-No, I cannot.
Why not?
Well, you see,
the thing of it is,
okay, um...
Okay...
Um, I do not actually...
Cut the hair.
You don't cut hair?
Not actually...
I don't cut the hair.
Well, that's crazy.
Before you were divorced,
you owned salons all over
the world.
I know, but I have
hundreds of employee,
and they cut the hair.
Well, what did you do?
I create the over-powering,
sensuous experience,
that start at the top of
the head and vibrate
all the way down
to the balls of the foot.
I do this.
I do this.
But I cannot remember
the last time I do like that.
Well, you better start
remembering this,
because the First Lady's
gonna be here any minute.
-No! No!
-Yes! Yes!
-No! No!
-Yes!
-No!
-Yes!
You know, I don't know...
We have a lot
invested in this,
- and you're really starting
to tick me off!
-What?
-That was so refreshing!
- What?
- See, look, a Clinton!
- The First Lady of
the United States.
- No!
-I want to cut her hair!
-Yes!
-I want to cut her hair!
I want to cut her hair!
-Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Not!
No! Jean-Luc!
Hey, Al?
Al, come on downstairs
for a minute, honey.
- What?
- Well, Al,
I've been thinking.
And,
I owe you an apology.
I've been way too picky
about the guys
you go out with and...
Well, I know that you're
a responsible young woman.
You should be able to pick
your dates without me
hassling you.
- Thank you, Dad.
- Hey.
And to make up for the way
that I've been acting,
I set you up on a date.
-A what?
-A date.
When?
-Now.
-Now?
Now! Now!
This is so great.
This guy is just
perfect for you.
You're gonna spend
the whole day together.
He's perfect.
-Hi, Pete.
-Hey, Mr. Lambert.
Al, this is Pete.
What, you two
go shopping together?
Yeah, we did.
Yeah, Sears had
a big flannel sale.
We got six pairs
of matching shirts.
We're set for winter.
How about that
all new tool department?
Yeah, Al,
the '97s are in.
Tell her about that
Powermaster chainsaw.
24 inch sprocket nose.
Adjustable automatic
gear-driven chrome cylinder.
Turbo with anti-kickback
chain break.
That thing'll cut
through a Buick!
It's better than sex!
Maybe I should just
leave you two alone.
No, no, no, no.
Don't run upstairs.
Don't be shy.
I mean, come on,
I want you two
to go out there
and have a good time.
-Dad...
-No, no, no, listen.
You don't have
to say thank you.
-No problem there.
-No.
Come on now,
you two just run along.
Have a good time.
One thing...
Don't elope
on the first date.
I am so good,
I scare myself.
Jean-Luc,
will you open that door?
Never!
This door is impenetrable!
It is like a solid steel!
You could not get me
out of here with the dynamite!
Jean-Luc!
Hillary Clinton is going to
be here any minute.
If you don't get out there,
I'm going to drag you
out there myself.
Take your best shot, blondie.
- Come on, baby. Yeah.
- I can. I am very str...
Wait, I'm scared now.
-I am really petrified now.
-Get out there.
- Yeah? I got some muscle.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
You know,
maybe you should think
about getting a butt-master.
Okay, that's it.
Just forget it.
You are impossible.
We have been
busting our backs
trying to get this salon
together for two months.
And for some
stupid reason,
that you won't even
talk about,
you're gonna
throw it all away.
-Some friend you are.
-I am your friend.
You... You know that.
Well, then, will you please,
please tell me
why are you doing this?
I don't know.
I guess I think
that I would...
I would do a bad job.
Bad job... Why?
Look, I know that
a lot of people think
that I am some
kind of maybe genius,
but what if I'm not?
What if I'm just,
ravishing-looking
but empty-headed
continental "'unk?"
'Unk?
Not "unk", "'unk!"
"hunk."
That's not true.
You started an entire
hair care empire!
No, correction.
My wife started
a hair care empire.
I'm just the one to come
to the door and say,
"'Allo, I'm Jean-Luc.
Why don't you pulsate with me
right over here."
I get it.
I understand now.
You are afraid.
You are afraid to cut hair,
aren't you?
Jean-Luc...
You know, Jean-Luc,
when people get a divorce,
sometimes they say things
that just aren't true.
You know, when I split
from my first husband,
he said that I was stupid.
And that I wouldn't be
anything without him.
He said you were stupid?
Yeah. And I believed him
because I was feeling
so bad about myself.
So, I spent years
in a dead-end job,
in a terrible salon.
All because I thought
I was too stupid
to start my own business.
You're not stupid.
I know.
You are not
a no-talent fraud.
Well, maybe you're right.
I was the valedictorian of
our beauty school class,
and I was the one
who convinced Madonna
to shave her armpits.
I don't know,
maybe...
Maybe I can do anything.
Of course you can.
All you need is a little
music to get you into
the spirit of things.
-No.
-Yeah. Karen, music?
This is working for me.
Of course it is.
Because you are
here to fulfill
every woman's
hair care fantasies.
I can do that.
Everybody stand back.
I am going to style her
until she purrs like a kitten.
- Hillary, my darling.
- You look...
Fabulous.
Elizabeth Dole,
eat your heart out.
I like the feel of that.
I wonder if we really need
that tree in the front yard.
Then once you've laid out
the basic electrical,
you wanna rough in
your plumbing.
This is where that
generous crawl space
is really gonna pay off.
-So, how was your date?
-Just great, sir.
I knew you two love birds
would hit it off.
-Can I talk to you
in the kitchen, Dad?
-Sure.
Hey, check out that
new Powermaster chainsaw.
It's a beast.
Al,
isn't Pete a great guy?
You know, he actually owns
a hammer autographed
by Bob Villa?
Dad?
This was the most boring day
of my entire life.
Why?
It was like going out
on a date with...
You!
What's wrong with that?
Listen, Dad, um...
I know you're just trying
to look out for me, but...
You cannot be
my dating service.
I kinda need to
pick my own guys.
Okay. You're right.
It's your life,
and you should
pick your own dates
without me
getting in the way.
Thank you.
Don't you like Pete
just a little?
He's a nice guy,
but, Dad...
He's not for me.
I hate to see you dump him.
-Well, I'm not.
-You're not?
No.
He's your boyfriend,
you dump him.
Hey, Pete.
We, we've gotta talk.
Yeah, you are a super guy,
but,
this thing with Al,
it's just not working out.
Really?
I thought we had
a great time.
I mean, we went to the base
and tub and tile show.
- Can't believe
she didn't like that.
Women.
Go figure.
So I...
I guess this is good-bye.
Yeah, I mean,
if we can't make
this dating thing work,
I hope we can
still be friends.
I'm sure there's a perfectly
reasonable explanation
for this.
It's just not as funny
as the one I'm thinking of.
Turbo.
-Psst, Dad.
-Hey, kiddo.
- How was your date
with that new guy?
- The worst.
He's sitting out there
on the couch
and he won't leave.
You've gotta help me
get rid of this jerk.
No.
Listen, I promised you
I'm going to stay out of
your love life and I meant it.
I'm begging you.
Please, Daddy.
Daddy?
Well, then, of course
I'll help you, honey.
You just go on in
and leave the rest to me.
Okay, now, be brave.
Man, I have got to get
some new shoes.
These things are like
totally nasty.
You might wanna
put those back on.
-Why?
-Hi. I'm Al's dad.
I like to cut things.
Thanks, Dad.
I love this saw.
99...
100.
-Okay. Thank you, Mark.
-Any time, Frank.
-Hi, Daddy.
-Hi, honey.
You're the best daddy
in the world.
And I love you.
Will you take me
to the park?
Well, of course I will,
sweetheart.
Good, because Al said I get
a dollar if I get rid of you.
You weren't supposed
to say that part.
I'm five. Sue me.
Kids. You gotta
love 'em. Bye bye.
Yeah, ho, ho.
Freeze a minute here,
beautiful.
Why are you trying so hard
to get rid of me?
-Well, see I have this thing.
-No, wait a minute.
Let me guess.
You have a date coming over,
don't you?
That's right,
and, you know, Dad,
I am really tired of you
always giving them
a hard time.
When have I ever given
your dates a hard time?
Jason came over to pick me up,
and you pushed him against
the wall and frisked him.
Well, he was wearing a jacket
with a gang logo on it.
It said "Polo."
Frank, you're exhibiting
classic paternal behavior.
Your daughter's
becoming a woman,
and you're frightened
by her budding sexuality.
There ain't nothin' buddin'
around here, pal.
God.
That's Dillon. Dad...
Dad, can you
please try to keep
an open mind and be nice?
I am always nice
to your dates.
-Hello, sir...
-She's not home.
He's no good.
Okay.
Hah! I got the stereo
all set up, Mom.
This is so exciting.
I can't believe
in less than 18 hours,
the salon will be open.
'Allo, 'allo, Karen.
Are you playing
songs of tranquility again?
No, we don't
like that Karen.
You see, Karen,
this is very nice music.
Really, it's okay
if you want to, you know...
Mellow
out with a fruit smoothie
and have a bitchin' summer.
But...
It's not so good, you know,
in the salon,
because, we do not want
to put the customer to sleep.
When a woman come to Jean-Luc,
you know what she is
really looking for?
A haircut?
No.
She's looking,
Karen, for the total,
over-powering,
sensuous experience
that starts at the top
of her head and shivers
and vibrates all the way down
to the balls of her foot.
Okay, look. I show you.
This better.
This the kind of music.
The pulsating beat that
I want a woman to hear
when they come in
to the salon.
Because, you know it
puts them in the right mood.
Then I come up to her,
and I say,
"I love beautiful woman.
"Welcome to
Let Your Hair Down.
Let's really
let you hair down."
Walk this way.
And then you
push them together
onto the hair styling station.
And I turn to her
and I say, "I am Jean-Luc.
I will make all of
your grooming fantasies
come true."
Eagle has landed
at base-camp one.
- Afternoon, ma'am.
- Good afternoon,
but actually, sir,
we're really not open,
officially, until tomorrow.
I know that ma'am.
Name is T. Edwin Jarvis.
I'm from the White House.
The one in Washington D.C.,
where the President lives?
Check.
President and Mrs. Clinton
will be in town
on a political visit tomorrow.
Let's see some I.D.
Mrs. Clinton has always
admired Jean-Luc's work.
She's particularly impressed
by the way he handled
Princess Di, Madonna,
and that
"Hey, Vern" guy.
Jean-Luc is one of
the greatest hairdressers
in the world.
That's why Mrs. Clinton
wants him to do her hair.
Really?
That's fantastic.
Mrs. Clinton says
she wants to look like
that cute little Rachel
on Friends.
Really?
I mean, yeah, yeah,
we could do that.
And how about Bill?
Would Bill like
to have his hair cut,
because I could make him
look like George Clooney.
No, ma'am.
The President will be
showing his support
for small business next door,
at Bucket O' Beef.
Woah. That should really
boost their receipts.
Check.
Hillary Clinton!
Bye, Daddy.
We're going to the park.
No, you're not.
Not without a jacket.
Get back here.
You know better
than that.
Here we go.
Here. There.
This will keep ya
nice and warm.
How about you, Al?
I haven't seen you all day.
Is everything all right?
-Tell him.
-Al's not talking to you.
She says you're a poopy-head.
Al, I'm sorry if
I'm scaring off your dates.
But I'm your father.
And if somebody's not good
enough for you,
then I'm gonna do what I think
is necessary to protect you.
Dad, nobody's good
enough for you.
I'm gonna be living
here until I'm 45.
Well, if that's how long
it takes us to find
someone we like,
then we'll wait.
Tell him.
-Poopy-head.
-Let's go.
She says
I don't like any guys.
I like Troy Aikman.
I like Garth Brooks.
Why doesn't she bring
one of them home?
-Mr. Lambert?
-Yeah, that's me.
I'm Pete,
from Builder's Mart.
They sent me over with those
tile samples you called about.
Yeah.
Here, come on in.
I'll take a look at 'em,
you can take 'em back.
Sir, are you the Frank Lambert
of Lambert Construction?
Yeah, that's me.
I am a huge fan
of your work.
That remodel that you did
on the old Endicott building
was awesome.
Thank you.
Yeah, and-and that warehouse
that you built downtown...
That is poetry
in cinder block.
You really think so?
Absolutely.
Your work is genius.
I hope that, someday,
I can become a contractor
just like you.
Well, you keep your lumber dry
and your hammer high,
you might just make it.
Sir, you are the wisest man
I have ever met.
Gee,
how old are you, Pete?
It is Pete, isn't it?
Yes, sir.
I'm 16.
-Sixteen?
-Yeah.
That's good.
Sit down,
sit down, Pete.
Tell me, you,
you have a girlfriend?
Well, sir, I don't have
much time for that.
Well, with school and my job
and volunteering
at the church.
Hey, Pete, how'd you like
to go out on a date?
Where are you going
with this, sir?
No, not...
I was...
I was just talking
about my daughter.
Would you like to
take my daughter out?
-Go out with your daughter?
-Yeah.
Sir, I'd be honored.
Well, great.
You wanna see
a picture of her?
Not necessary. I mean,
if she's your daughter,
I'm sure she's "up to code."
This is so cool.
I'm actually going to meet
Hillary Clinton.
Big-whoop.
Man, I could be at
the entertainment event
of the century tonight.
Beavis and Butt-Head on Ice.
Rich.
Hillary Clinton has
revolutionized the role
- of the First Lady
in this country.
- Big deal.
Beavis is supposed to
skate in, drop his pants,
moon the audience,
and Butt-Head goes,
"That's cool."
Why am I dating you?
Yeah.
Pictures.
No more pictures, okay?
Okay. Maybe one more.
From my good side.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, already!
You know, I'm, I'm the only
touch of glamour
in their drab,
little lives.
They are not here
for you, Jean-Luc.
-Didn't you get my message?
-I got your message.
I don't know why
you're so excited.
You told me the first lady
is coming at noon.
I know the first lady
is coming at noon.
This is Mrs. Radney's.
She's coming
for her pedicure.
Don't forget
to charge her extra,
she has 12 toes.
No, no no.
Not the first
lady customer.
The First Lady.
The First Lady of
the United States.
Hillary Clinton is coming
here in 20 minutes,
and she wants you to
personally cut her hair.
I don't think so.
Jean-Luc, I know
this is very sudden
and I know that
she is very famous,
-but you can handle this!
-No, I cannot.
-Yes, you can!
-No, I cannot.
Why not?
Well, you see,
the thing of it is,
okay, um...
Okay...
Um, I do not actually...
Cut the hair.
You don't cut hair?
Not actually...
I don't cut the hair.
Well, that's crazy.
Before you were divorced,
you owned salons all over
the world.
I know, but I have
hundreds of employee,
and they cut the hair.
Well, what did you do?
I create the over-powering,
sensuous experience,
that start at the top of
the head and vibrate
all the way down
to the balls of the foot.
I do this.
I do this.
But I cannot remember
the last time I do like that.
Well, you better start
remembering this,
because the First Lady's
gonna be here any minute.
-No! No!
-Yes! Yes!
-No! No!
-Yes!
-No!
-Yes!
You know, I don't know...
We have a lot
invested in this,
- and you're really starting
to tick me off!
-What?
-That was so refreshing!
- What?
- See, look, a Clinton!
- The First Lady of
the United States.
- No!
-I want to cut her hair!
-Yes!
-I want to cut her hair!
I want to cut her hair!
-Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Not!
No! Jean-Luc!
Hey, Al?
Al, come on downstairs
for a minute, honey.
- What?
- Well, Al,
I've been thinking.
And,
I owe you an apology.
I've been way too picky
about the guys
you go out with and...
Well, I know that you're
a responsible young woman.
You should be able to pick
your dates without me
hassling you.
- Thank you, Dad.
- Hey.
And to make up for the way
that I've been acting,
I set you up on a date.
-A what?
-A date.
When?
-Now.
-Now?
Now! Now!
This is so great.
This guy is just
perfect for you.
You're gonna spend
the whole day together.
He's perfect.
-Hi, Pete.
-Hey, Mr. Lambert.
Al, this is Pete.
What, you two
go shopping together?
Yeah, we did.
Yeah, Sears had
a big flannel sale.
We got six pairs
of matching shirts.
We're set for winter.
How about that
all new tool department?
Yeah, Al,
the '97s are in.
Tell her about that
Powermaster chainsaw.
24 inch sprocket nose.
Adjustable automatic
gear-driven chrome cylinder.
Turbo with anti-kickback
chain break.
That thing'll cut
through a Buick!
It's better than sex!
Maybe I should just
leave you two alone.
No, no, no, no.
Don't run upstairs.
Don't be shy.
I mean, come on,
I want you two
to go out there
and have a good time.
-Dad...
-No, no, no, listen.
You don't have
to say thank you.
-No problem there.
-No.
Come on now,
you two just run along.
Have a good time.
One thing...
Don't elope
on the first date.
I am so good,
I scare myself.
Jean-Luc,
will you open that door?
Never!
This door is impenetrable!
It is like a solid steel!
You could not get me
out of here with the dynamite!
Jean-Luc!
Hillary Clinton is going to
be here any minute.
If you don't get out there,
I'm going to drag you
out there myself.
Take your best shot, blondie.
- Come on, baby. Yeah.
- I can. I am very str...
Wait, I'm scared now.
-I am really petrified now.
-Get out there.
- Yeah? I got some muscle.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
You know,
maybe you should think
about getting a butt-master.
Okay, that's it.
Just forget it.
You are impossible.
We have been
busting our backs
trying to get this salon
together for two months.
And for some
stupid reason,
that you won't even
talk about,
you're gonna
throw it all away.
-Some friend you are.
-I am your friend.
You... You know that.
Well, then, will you please,
please tell me
why are you doing this?
I don't know.
I guess I think
that I would...
I would do a bad job.
Bad job... Why?
Look, I know that
a lot of people think
that I am some
kind of maybe genius,
but what if I'm not?
What if I'm just,
ravishing-looking
but empty-headed
continental "'unk?"
'Unk?
Not "unk", "'unk!"
"hunk."
That's not true.
You started an entire
hair care empire!
No, correction.
My wife started
a hair care empire.
I'm just the one to come
to the door and say,
"'Allo, I'm Jean-Luc.
Why don't you pulsate with me
right over here."
I get it.
I understand now.
You are afraid.
You are afraid to cut hair,
aren't you?
Jean-Luc...
You know, Jean-Luc,
when people get a divorce,
sometimes they say things
that just aren't true.
You know, when I split
from my first husband,
he said that I was stupid.
And that I wouldn't be
anything without him.
He said you were stupid?
Yeah. And I believed him
because I was feeling
so bad about myself.
So, I spent years
in a dead-end job,
in a terrible salon.
All because I thought
I was too stupid
to start my own business.
You're not stupid.
I know.
You are not
a no-talent fraud.
Well, maybe you're right.
I was the valedictorian of
our beauty school class,
and I was the one
who convinced Madonna
to shave her armpits.
I don't know,
maybe...
Maybe I can do anything.
Of course you can.
All you need is a little
music to get you into
the spirit of things.
-No.
-Yeah. Karen, music?
This is working for me.
Of course it is.
Because you are
here to fulfill
every woman's
hair care fantasies.
I can do that.
Everybody stand back.
I am going to style her
until she purrs like a kitten.
- Hillary, my darling.
- You look...
Fabulous.
Elizabeth Dole,
eat your heart out.
I like the feel of that.
I wonder if we really need
that tree in the front yard.
Then once you've laid out
the basic electrical,
you wanna rough in
your plumbing.
This is where that
generous crawl space
is really gonna pay off.
-So, how was your date?
-Just great, sir.
I knew you two love birds
would hit it off.
-Can I talk to you
in the kitchen, Dad?
-Sure.
Hey, check out that
new Powermaster chainsaw.
It's a beast.
Al,
isn't Pete a great guy?
You know, he actually owns
a hammer autographed
by Bob Villa?
Dad?
This was the most boring day
of my entire life.
Why?
It was like going out
on a date with...
You!
What's wrong with that?
Listen, Dad, um...
I know you're just trying
to look out for me, but...
You cannot be
my dating service.
I kinda need to
pick my own guys.
Okay. You're right.
It's your life,
and you should
pick your own dates
without me
getting in the way.
Thank you.
Don't you like Pete
just a little?
He's a nice guy,
but, Dad...
He's not for me.
I hate to see you dump him.
-Well, I'm not.
-You're not?
No.
He's your boyfriend,
you dump him.
Hey, Pete.
We, we've gotta talk.
Yeah, you are a super guy,
but,
this thing with Al,
it's just not working out.
Really?
I thought we had
a great time.
I mean, we went to the base
and tub and tile show.
- Can't believe
she didn't like that.
Women.
Go figure.
So I...
I guess this is good-bye.
Yeah, I mean,
if we can't make
this dating thing work,
I hope we can
still be friends.
I'm sure there's a perfectly
reasonable explanation
for this.
It's just not as funny
as the one I'm thinking of.
Turbo.
-Psst, Dad.
-Hey, kiddo.
- How was your date
with that new guy?
- The worst.
He's sitting out there
on the couch
and he won't leave.
You've gotta help me
get rid of this jerk.
No.
Listen, I promised you
I'm going to stay out of
your love life and I meant it.
I'm begging you.
Please, Daddy.
Daddy?
Well, then, of course
I'll help you, honey.
You just go on in
and leave the rest to me.
Okay, now, be brave.
Man, I have got to get
some new shoes.
These things are like
totally nasty.
You might wanna
put those back on.
-Why?
-Hi. I'm Al's dad.
I like to cut things.
Thanks, Dad.
I love this saw.