Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 6, Episode 2 - Road Trip - full transcript
JT and Rich convince Frank they're responsible enough to make a road-trip to Mexico. Dana joins them as stowaway and assumes the office of purse-bearer. Alas she leaves the boys penniless at a burrito stand, so they're jailed. Her sass to cop Valdez, as if the $25 fine were corruption, gets her locked-up too. Their only call home gets the usual treatment: ignored by their younger siblings. Meanwhile Jean-Luc admits he can't drive, so carol tries to teach him. Thus she finds out he's dyslexic and color-blind.
Hi, Daddy. Guess what
I learned today?
Well, what did
you learn, honey?
I'm gay!
Well, now,
what makes you say that?
Well, I'm a girl,
and Mommy's a girl,
and I love Mommy.
So I'm gay.
Lilly, what you're talking
about here, honey,
is when one girl
wants to marry another girl.
And you don't wanna
marry Mommy, do you?
No, of course not.
I wanna marry you!
Boy, that's a whole
other conversation.
Listen,
why don't you just
go sit on the front
porch and wait for
the ice cream man, okay?
Yippie, I get ice cream!
Yippie, I get ice cream!
Hey, Dad.
Adios, Señor L.
Yeah, we'll see you
in a week or so,
we're going to Mexico.
Hey! Wait!
before you drive
2,000 miles to
a foreign country?
Why? We're in college.
We're kinda like adults.
Yeah,
if there was a war,
we could be drafted.
If there was a war,
I'd volunteer
the both of you.
Dad, it's no big deal.
We're gonna get
into Rich's car,
take turns driving,
and 37 hours later,
boom, we're in Mexico.
Well, what do you plan
on doing down there?
I don't know.
Buy a sombrero,
eat a burrito.
You can do
all that at Kmart.
Mr. L, come on,
cut us some slack.
Listen, I just don't think
that you two are ready
to handle a trip like that
on your own.
Come on, Dad,
I can handle things
on my own.
And I'd like the chance
to prove it to you.
Son, listen...
Dad, I'm almost 20 years old.
You gotta let me
grow up sometime.
I guess you deserve
a chance to prove it.
You can go.
Awesome, Mr. L!
Thank you!
You won't regret it!
We know exactly
what we're doing.
I don't think
you do, Rich.
Sorry.
So, do you know how
to get to Mexico?
We'll just start
driving south.
It's pretty big.
We'll find it.Yes.
Man, it doesn't get
any better than this?
Two guys on the open road
heading for Mexico.
Yeah! This is what
being a man is all about.
Yeah!
Pass me those Gummi Bears.
Speaking of being a man,
a buddy at school
gave me this brochure
for a place outside Tejada
called Club Cha-Chas.
Check it out.
Pretty hot senoritas,
Yeah. No! No! I...
I can't go to a strip joint,
man, I'm going out with Dana.
Come on, man,
it's not just a strip club.
It's a cultural center.
I mean, all the table dancers
are bilingual.
And they serve beers
from all around the world.
I...I don't know, J.T.
I'm just asking you to do
a little window shopping.
You don't have
to buy anything.
Just,
admire the goods.
Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt
to do a little browsing.
Yeah! Now you're
talking like a man!
Club Cha-Cha,
here we come!
We are there!
Yes!
Ha!
Dana, what are you
doing back there?
I stowed away
to keep you
from dragging my boyfriend
through the gutter.
If anybody's gonna do that,
it's gonna be me.
I can't believe
you're spying on me.
This stinks.
You don't trust me?
I trust you, except when
you're under the influence
of Captain Hormone.
I've had to go to
the bathroom since Arkansas.
I'll see you guys later.
I'm going to the mall.
Great.
Hey, Karen.
Can you drop Mark
and I off at the library
on your way?
Al, it's raining.
Once I leave the house,
I only have a 26-minute window
before my hair frizzes.
Right.
How inconsiderate
of me.
Look, why don't you just
drive straight to the mall,
and Mark and I can walk
in the pouring rain
and get soaked
to the bone.
Okay. Bye.
I don't think she gets
the concept of sarcasm.
Sorry, Dad, need this.
Look, honey.
no kids allowed.
Let's go.
I already called.
It's taken.
It is a fresh,
homemade French baguette.
Wait until you see
how crispy and crunchy it is.
Very nice...
Okay, bag the baguette.
Anyone for
matzo ball soup?
Jean-Luc,
you are soaking wet.
Really?
I hadn't noticed.
Well, you know,
it is raining.
That's why I fashioned this
impromptu turban
and dashing
Bedouin cloak.
Hey, is that the sports
section that you got
on your head there?
Yeah, knock
yourself out, baby.
Why didn't you drive?
I don't know how to drive.
You don't know
how to drive?
Yeah, but I just thought
it was because you're French.
No, I don't shower
because I am French, but...
No, you know, I always lived
in the big city like New York,
where you can take
the taxi everywhere.
And, you know,
in Port Washington,
you cannot get a taxi.
So I take the "bicyclette,"
and I get all wet.
It's like a wet bad boy look,
you know what I'm saying?
Listen to me, bad boy.
If you're gonna live here
in Wisconsin,
you have to learn
how to drive.
you're gonna freeze
your...tires off.
Hey, look.
Look it right here.
Look it right here.
Here's a driving school.
Right there?
Don't be silly.
You don't wanna give
your money to strangers.
Frank will teach you
how to drive.
That's a wonderful
idea, honey.
I just have one
small little change.
What's that?
You teach him.
Well, yeah, I will.
Well, I don't feel
too passed around.
No, no, no, no, really.
I would love to teach you
how to drive.
Really?
Yes.
I would love to be
taught by a woman
who has been around the block
as many times as you have.
That...that
come out wrong.
Man!
Fifteen burritos,
six tacos, and a churro,
and it's only gonna
cost us two bucks?
This a great country
or what, man?
Yeah. I'm telling ya,
you know what?
I bet I could get a job
down here as a bullfighter.
We could move down here
full time?
What do you think
about that, Dana?
Let me see.
Move to a dusty border town
and watch soap operas
in Spanish
while my boyfriend seeks
employment as a matador.
Any chance I can get
a job as a stripper
in a local beer joint?
You'd do that for me?
I'd hit you in the head
with a stick,
but I'm afraid,
candy would spill out.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna take a walk
while you two finish
your pork fest.
Mas burritos,
muchachos?
No, thanks, man.
Five pounds of pork
is my limit.
Yeah, me, too.
How much do we owe you?
That's $4.00.
Thirty-two pesos.
Pay the man, Rich.
I don't have any money.
I mean, I do.
I gave all mine to Dana.
Well, I don't have
any money either.
Check it out,
you blow into its butt.
Señor.
Si.
Un small-o problem-o.
My girlfriend-o,
she has all our dinero.
And, she's just
down the street-o.
We're gonna go get it
and be right back.
Yeah, be right back.
Uno momento.Right back.
Un momento.
Wait,
we're coming right back.
What's the trouble here?
These banditos
ate 15 burritos each.
And they tried to run off
without paying.
Fifteen burritos each?
Si.
Rest assured
they will pay later.
Officer, really,
we weren't trying
to get away.
We're just going to go get
my sister, get the money,
- and she's across the street.
- We'll be right back.
You believe me,
don't you?
after the way
you're treating us,
there is no way
I'm moving down here
and becoming a bullfighter!
Got that? Hey!
Don't push me.
J.T., we gotta
get outta here, man.
You know, I hear what happens
in these Mexican jails.
Yeah, and how
is that different
from dating Dana?
Wow, Microsoft closed at 138.
Hope you boys bought in
at 15 like I did.
Well, well, well.
Imagine my surprise
when I went back to
the taco stand,
now known as
the scene of the crime,
only to find that
my two escorts
have been hauled off
for grand theft burrito.
May I help you?
Yes, I'm here to spring
Butch and Sundance.
Look, Barky, just pay the man
so we can get out of here.
We don't need
any of your lip.
How much for
just the little one?
No, no, no.
Take them both.
We have enough
problems down here
without you Americans
sending us your lowlifes.
Can't argue with that.
So, how much
to get 'em out?
The food was $4 American
plus there is
an additional $25 fine.
They broke the law.
The penalty is $25.
I get it.
You're looking for a bribe.
Yeah, should
I just give it to you,
or do you wanna pretend
to shake hands
and I'll slip it
into your palm?
Now, listen, señorita--
I mean, who do you think
you're dealing with here?
Just some cute
little blonde?
Listen here.
I am an American citizen,
and I have rights.
$25, please, and no lip.
And maybe I will release
the prisoners.
This is blackmail.
Well, let me tell you,
I am from the United
States of America.
Yeah, you know that
big country to the norte?
Um, sweetheart...
Look,
I'll tell you what.
I will give you $5 American
and we'll call it a gratuity.
All right?
How's that, senor?
Okay, I have
reconsidered
and would like to pay
the $25 fine.
Now it's $225.
Excuse me?
$25 for
the two Stooges.
Plus an additional $200
for you trying to bribe me.
We don't have
that kind of money.
Well, in that case,
enjoy your stay in Mexico.
Answer it.
I'm busy.
Besides, they'll call back.
Answer it,
or I will pound you.
Hello?
They're not here.
Okay, well, listen, okay?
This is very important.
Listen very carefully.
Tell Dad and Carol
that we're okay
but we're in jail
in Tejada, Mexico, okay?
But we need them to wire us
$225 to get us out, okay?
Got it.
Awesome
decapitation.
Gotta go.
Okay, Jean-Luc.
It's your turn.
I'm a little bit nervous.
Sorry.
No, stop. Don't be nervous.
Here, let me just
get your seat belt.
Everything's
going to be fine.
It'll be just like...
Turn those off.
It'll be just like
we practiced in the backyard.
Except now you won't be
driving a picnic table.
No, no paper plate
for a steering wheel.
No.
Okay, here we go.
Okay.
That's real good.
Real good.
Stay calm.
Look at moi!
Look at moi!
Okay.
I'm driving!
I'm driving!
You're doing really well.
Yeah.
I'm born to be wild.
Yes. Wild.
Jean-Luc! Jean-Luc,
you must, you must...Sorry.
...keep both hands on the
steering wheel at all times.I'm sorry.
That's a good safety tip.
Look straight ahead.
Yes, it is.
Look straight ahead.
That's a good
safety tip, yeah.
You know what,
I'm... I'm liking this.Yes.
Super fantastic.
It's good.
It's good.
I feel good.
All right, let's turn right
at the next corner.
Okay, Coach.
Okay. Okay.
No, no, no!
Watch it!
That was easy.
What are you doing?
I said turn right.
I did turn right.
No! You turned left.
That's left.
Well, I'll be
a monkey's uncle. Monkey's uncle.
It's coming back.
What? What?
My dyslexia.
Dyslexia? You're dyslexic?
Well, only for
left and right. God.
All right,
all right, all right.
Okay, here comes
an intersection
with a light.
You know what to do, right?
I sure do.
Okay.
What are you doing?
Learn how to drive!
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
It was green,
just like my shirt.
Your shirt is red!
You know, maybe...maybe
I should get my eyes checked.
Maybe? Maybe?
You just ran a red light.
Are you insane?
Carol. Carol!
Do not yell at me.
Why not?
Well, that is
the stupidest thing--Carol, you have to go away!
Go away, Carol! Go away!
I think
that went well.
Hey, Dad,
how's Carol?
I offered to give her
a lift home.
She said
she wanted to walk.
Didn't... Didn't wanna be
in a moving vehicle quite yet.
Have you heard from J.T.?
What's for dinner?
Spaghetti.
You know, they should've
called by now.
I don't like spaghetti.
I'm worried about
Rich and J.T. and Dana.
They're down somewhere
in Mexico.
They're fine.
They're in jail.
Can I have
a hot dog instead?
What do you mean?
I like hot dogs
better than I do spaghetti.
They called and told me
to give you a message.
Did I forget to tell you?
Yes. Now, what's
the message?
It's something about
wiring money to some
town in Mexico.
What town?
I don't know.
I think it was
something Spanish.
Okay, okay.
Juarez?
Nogales?
Veracruz?
Ensenada?
Tejada?
Tejada. That's it, Tejada.
What's he
so cranked up about?
Yeah, operator,
this is an emergency.
Would you connect me
with the police station
in Tejada,
Mexico, please?
I'm going out to shoot
hoops till dinner.
By the way,
Grandma called last Thursday.
She's stuck at the airport
and needs a ride home.
She said she'd wait
out on the curb for you.
Am I the only kid
in this family that's
not a nitwit?
Yeah.
Here, dinner.
I'm sorry.
I don't eat meat.
Do you have
a vegetarian platter?
Would you like that with
cottage cheese or yogurt?
Well, is it
non-fat yogurt?
It's non-existent yogurt.
Tejada Hilton.
No, no, no. Don't
hang up. You called
the right number.
Yeah, listen,
my name is Frank Lambert.
I'm looking for
some kids, and I think
they're in your jail.
Two goofy guys
and a mouthy blonde?
That'd be them.
They left a food stand
without paying.
That'd be the guys.
Then they tried to bribe
an officer of the law.
There's the mouthy blond.
$225 dollars will clear
the whole thing up.
I will wire the money
right away, okay?
Yeah, but listen,
don't tell 'em quite yet.
I wanna make 'em
sweat a little.
Bless you for that, sir.
J.T., your father
would like to speak to you.
Thank God.
Dad, God,
thank God you called.
Yeah, we need you to wire us
the money right away.
Yeah, J.T., you know,
I've been thinking about this.
Now, isn't this
a perfect opportunity for you
to prove to me that you don't
need my help much anymore?
I mean, after all,
you are kind of like an adult.
You're not gonna throw that
in my face, are you?
Son, I think
we have a bad connection.
But, Dad, Dad,
this wasn't my fault.
Yeah, no, I know
you're trying to
apologize to me, son,
and I just love you for
that, but I'm having
trouble hearing you.
He's gonna call back.
Hello.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
From now on,
I'm gonna listen to you.
I think we have a much
better connection now, son.
I'm wiring the money.
Thanks a lot, Dad.
Well, listen, as long
as we're this far south,
could you wire us
an extra $500?
We'd like to go down
to Rio for Carnival.
Hello?
$825 dollars
to fix the car.
Yeah, well, I can't
believe our insurance
won't pay for this.
Yeah, go figure.
foreign drivers
who freak out
behind the wheel.
Hola, mi familia.
Hola,Lamberts.
Hola, los banditos.
Man, am I starving.
Me, too.
You know, Dad,
after being in jail,
we did a lot of thinking
on our long ride home.
Yes, sir, it was
a very important
learning experience.
Yeah, I think
we really matured a lot
in the last couple days.
Yeah.
Well, that's great.
Where's Dana?
She's asleep
in the backseat.
No, she's not.
My God, we left her
at the last rest stop.
Man, we're gonna
have to go get her.
Right after
we finish lunch.
By the way,
Grandpa called last week.
He wanted to know
if you've seen Grandma.
I learned today?
Well, what did
you learn, honey?
I'm gay!
Well, now,
what makes you say that?
Well, I'm a girl,
and Mommy's a girl,
and I love Mommy.
So I'm gay.
Lilly, what you're talking
about here, honey,
is when one girl
wants to marry another girl.
And you don't wanna
marry Mommy, do you?
No, of course not.
I wanna marry you!
Boy, that's a whole
other conversation.
Listen,
why don't you just
go sit on the front
porch and wait for
the ice cream man, okay?
Yippie, I get ice cream!
Yippie, I get ice cream!
Hey, Dad.
Adios, Señor L.
Yeah, we'll see you
in a week or so,
we're going to Mexico.
Hey! Wait!
before you drive
2,000 miles to
a foreign country?
Why? We're in college.
We're kinda like adults.
Yeah,
if there was a war,
we could be drafted.
If there was a war,
I'd volunteer
the both of you.
Dad, it's no big deal.
We're gonna get
into Rich's car,
take turns driving,
and 37 hours later,
boom, we're in Mexico.
Well, what do you plan
on doing down there?
I don't know.
Buy a sombrero,
eat a burrito.
You can do
all that at Kmart.
Mr. L, come on,
cut us some slack.
Listen, I just don't think
that you two are ready
to handle a trip like that
on your own.
Come on, Dad,
I can handle things
on my own.
And I'd like the chance
to prove it to you.
Son, listen...
Dad, I'm almost 20 years old.
You gotta let me
grow up sometime.
I guess you deserve
a chance to prove it.
You can go.
Awesome, Mr. L!
Thank you!
You won't regret it!
We know exactly
what we're doing.
I don't think
you do, Rich.
Sorry.
So, do you know how
to get to Mexico?
We'll just start
driving south.
It's pretty big.
We'll find it.Yes.
Man, it doesn't get
any better than this?
Two guys on the open road
heading for Mexico.
Yeah! This is what
being a man is all about.
Yeah!
Pass me those Gummi Bears.
Speaking of being a man,
a buddy at school
gave me this brochure
for a place outside Tejada
called Club Cha-Chas.
Check it out.
Pretty hot senoritas,
Yeah. No! No! I...
I can't go to a strip joint,
man, I'm going out with Dana.
Come on, man,
it's not just a strip club.
It's a cultural center.
I mean, all the table dancers
are bilingual.
And they serve beers
from all around the world.
I...I don't know, J.T.
I'm just asking you to do
a little window shopping.
You don't have
to buy anything.
Just,
admire the goods.
Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt
to do a little browsing.
Yeah! Now you're
talking like a man!
Club Cha-Cha,
here we come!
We are there!
Yes!
Ha!
Dana, what are you
doing back there?
I stowed away
to keep you
from dragging my boyfriend
through the gutter.
If anybody's gonna do that,
it's gonna be me.
I can't believe
you're spying on me.
This stinks.
You don't trust me?
I trust you, except when
you're under the influence
of Captain Hormone.
I've had to go to
the bathroom since Arkansas.
I'll see you guys later.
I'm going to the mall.
Great.
Hey, Karen.
Can you drop Mark
and I off at the library
on your way?
Al, it's raining.
Once I leave the house,
I only have a 26-minute window
before my hair frizzes.
Right.
How inconsiderate
of me.
Look, why don't you just
drive straight to the mall,
and Mark and I can walk
in the pouring rain
and get soaked
to the bone.
Okay. Bye.
I don't think she gets
the concept of sarcasm.
Sorry, Dad, need this.
Look, honey.
no kids allowed.
Let's go.
I already called.
It's taken.
It is a fresh,
homemade French baguette.
Wait until you see
how crispy and crunchy it is.
Very nice...
Okay, bag the baguette.
Anyone for
matzo ball soup?
Jean-Luc,
you are soaking wet.
Really?
I hadn't noticed.
Well, you know,
it is raining.
That's why I fashioned this
impromptu turban
and dashing
Bedouin cloak.
Hey, is that the sports
section that you got
on your head there?
Yeah, knock
yourself out, baby.
Why didn't you drive?
I don't know how to drive.
You don't know
how to drive?
Yeah, but I just thought
it was because you're French.
No, I don't shower
because I am French, but...
No, you know, I always lived
in the big city like New York,
where you can take
the taxi everywhere.
And, you know,
in Port Washington,
you cannot get a taxi.
So I take the "bicyclette,"
and I get all wet.
It's like a wet bad boy look,
you know what I'm saying?
Listen to me, bad boy.
If you're gonna live here
in Wisconsin,
you have to learn
how to drive.
you're gonna freeze
your...tires off.
Hey, look.
Look it right here.
Look it right here.
Here's a driving school.
Right there?
Don't be silly.
You don't wanna give
your money to strangers.
Frank will teach you
how to drive.
That's a wonderful
idea, honey.
I just have one
small little change.
What's that?
You teach him.
Well, yeah, I will.
Well, I don't feel
too passed around.
No, no, no, no, really.
I would love to teach you
how to drive.
Really?
Yes.
I would love to be
taught by a woman
who has been around the block
as many times as you have.
That...that
come out wrong.
Man!
Fifteen burritos,
six tacos, and a churro,
and it's only gonna
cost us two bucks?
This a great country
or what, man?
Yeah. I'm telling ya,
you know what?
I bet I could get a job
down here as a bullfighter.
We could move down here
full time?
What do you think
about that, Dana?
Let me see.
Move to a dusty border town
and watch soap operas
in Spanish
while my boyfriend seeks
employment as a matador.
Any chance I can get
a job as a stripper
in a local beer joint?
You'd do that for me?
I'd hit you in the head
with a stick,
but I'm afraid,
candy would spill out.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna take a walk
while you two finish
your pork fest.
Mas burritos,
muchachos?
No, thanks, man.
Five pounds of pork
is my limit.
Yeah, me, too.
How much do we owe you?
That's $4.00.
Thirty-two pesos.
Pay the man, Rich.
I don't have any money.
I mean, I do.
I gave all mine to Dana.
Well, I don't have
any money either.
Check it out,
you blow into its butt.
Señor.
Si.
Un small-o problem-o.
My girlfriend-o,
she has all our dinero.
And, she's just
down the street-o.
We're gonna go get it
and be right back.
Yeah, be right back.
Uno momento.Right back.
Un momento.
Wait,
we're coming right back.
What's the trouble here?
These banditos
ate 15 burritos each.
And they tried to run off
without paying.
Fifteen burritos each?
Si.
Rest assured
they will pay later.
Officer, really,
we weren't trying
to get away.
We're just going to go get
my sister, get the money,
- and she's across the street.
- We'll be right back.
You believe me,
don't you?
after the way
you're treating us,
there is no way
I'm moving down here
and becoming a bullfighter!
Got that? Hey!
Don't push me.
J.T., we gotta
get outta here, man.
You know, I hear what happens
in these Mexican jails.
Yeah, and how
is that different
from dating Dana?
Wow, Microsoft closed at 138.
Hope you boys bought in
at 15 like I did.
Well, well, well.
Imagine my surprise
when I went back to
the taco stand,
now known as
the scene of the crime,
only to find that
my two escorts
have been hauled off
for grand theft burrito.
May I help you?
Yes, I'm here to spring
Butch and Sundance.
Look, Barky, just pay the man
so we can get out of here.
We don't need
any of your lip.
How much for
just the little one?
No, no, no.
Take them both.
We have enough
problems down here
without you Americans
sending us your lowlifes.
Can't argue with that.
So, how much
to get 'em out?
The food was $4 American
plus there is
an additional $25 fine.
They broke the law.
The penalty is $25.
I get it.
You're looking for a bribe.
Yeah, should
I just give it to you,
or do you wanna pretend
to shake hands
and I'll slip it
into your palm?
Now, listen, señorita--
I mean, who do you think
you're dealing with here?
Just some cute
little blonde?
Listen here.
I am an American citizen,
and I have rights.
$25, please, and no lip.
And maybe I will release
the prisoners.
This is blackmail.
Well, let me tell you,
I am from the United
States of America.
Yeah, you know that
big country to the norte?
Um, sweetheart...
Look,
I'll tell you what.
I will give you $5 American
and we'll call it a gratuity.
All right?
How's that, senor?
Okay, I have
reconsidered
and would like to pay
the $25 fine.
Now it's $225.
Excuse me?
$25 for
the two Stooges.
Plus an additional $200
for you trying to bribe me.
We don't have
that kind of money.
Well, in that case,
enjoy your stay in Mexico.
Answer it.
I'm busy.
Besides, they'll call back.
Answer it,
or I will pound you.
Hello?
They're not here.
Okay, well, listen, okay?
This is very important.
Listen very carefully.
Tell Dad and Carol
that we're okay
but we're in jail
in Tejada, Mexico, okay?
But we need them to wire us
$225 to get us out, okay?
Got it.
Awesome
decapitation.
Gotta go.
Okay, Jean-Luc.
It's your turn.
I'm a little bit nervous.
Sorry.
No, stop. Don't be nervous.
Here, let me just
get your seat belt.
Everything's
going to be fine.
It'll be just like...
Turn those off.
It'll be just like
we practiced in the backyard.
Except now you won't be
driving a picnic table.
No, no paper plate
for a steering wheel.
No.
Okay, here we go.
Okay.
That's real good.
Real good.
Stay calm.
Look at moi!
Look at moi!
Okay.
I'm driving!
I'm driving!
You're doing really well.
Yeah.
I'm born to be wild.
Yes. Wild.
Jean-Luc! Jean-Luc,
you must, you must...Sorry.
...keep both hands on the
steering wheel at all times.I'm sorry.
That's a good safety tip.
Look straight ahead.
Yes, it is.
Look straight ahead.
That's a good
safety tip, yeah.
You know what,
I'm... I'm liking this.Yes.
Super fantastic.
It's good.
It's good.
I feel good.
All right, let's turn right
at the next corner.
Okay, Coach.
Okay. Okay.
No, no, no!
Watch it!
That was easy.
What are you doing?
I said turn right.
I did turn right.
No! You turned left.
That's left.
Well, I'll be
a monkey's uncle. Monkey's uncle.
It's coming back.
What? What?
My dyslexia.
Dyslexia? You're dyslexic?
Well, only for
left and right. God.
All right,
all right, all right.
Okay, here comes
an intersection
with a light.
You know what to do, right?
I sure do.
Okay.
What are you doing?
Learn how to drive!
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
It was green,
just like my shirt.
Your shirt is red!
You know, maybe...maybe
I should get my eyes checked.
Maybe? Maybe?
You just ran a red light.
Are you insane?
Carol. Carol!
Do not yell at me.
Why not?
Well, that is
the stupidest thing--Carol, you have to go away!
Go away, Carol! Go away!
I think
that went well.
Hey, Dad,
how's Carol?
I offered to give her
a lift home.
She said
she wanted to walk.
Didn't... Didn't wanna be
in a moving vehicle quite yet.
Have you heard from J.T.?
What's for dinner?
Spaghetti.
You know, they should've
called by now.
I don't like spaghetti.
I'm worried about
Rich and J.T. and Dana.
They're down somewhere
in Mexico.
They're fine.
They're in jail.
Can I have
a hot dog instead?
What do you mean?
I like hot dogs
better than I do spaghetti.
They called and told me
to give you a message.
Did I forget to tell you?
Yes. Now, what's
the message?
It's something about
wiring money to some
town in Mexico.
What town?
I don't know.
I think it was
something Spanish.
Okay, okay.
Juarez?
Nogales?
Veracruz?
Ensenada?
Tejada?
Tejada. That's it, Tejada.
What's he
so cranked up about?
Yeah, operator,
this is an emergency.
Would you connect me
with the police station
in Tejada,
Mexico, please?
I'm going out to shoot
hoops till dinner.
By the way,
Grandma called last Thursday.
She's stuck at the airport
and needs a ride home.
She said she'd wait
out on the curb for you.
Am I the only kid
in this family that's
not a nitwit?
Yeah.
Here, dinner.
I'm sorry.
I don't eat meat.
Do you have
a vegetarian platter?
Would you like that with
cottage cheese or yogurt?
Well, is it
non-fat yogurt?
It's non-existent yogurt.
Tejada Hilton.
No, no, no. Don't
hang up. You called
the right number.
Yeah, listen,
my name is Frank Lambert.
I'm looking for
some kids, and I think
they're in your jail.
Two goofy guys
and a mouthy blonde?
That'd be them.
They left a food stand
without paying.
That'd be the guys.
Then they tried to bribe
an officer of the law.
There's the mouthy blond.
$225 dollars will clear
the whole thing up.
I will wire the money
right away, okay?
Yeah, but listen,
don't tell 'em quite yet.
I wanna make 'em
sweat a little.
Bless you for that, sir.
J.T., your father
would like to speak to you.
Thank God.
Dad, God,
thank God you called.
Yeah, we need you to wire us
the money right away.
Yeah, J.T., you know,
I've been thinking about this.
Now, isn't this
a perfect opportunity for you
to prove to me that you don't
need my help much anymore?
I mean, after all,
you are kind of like an adult.
You're not gonna throw that
in my face, are you?
Son, I think
we have a bad connection.
But, Dad, Dad,
this wasn't my fault.
Yeah, no, I know
you're trying to
apologize to me, son,
and I just love you for
that, but I'm having
trouble hearing you.
He's gonna call back.
Hello.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
From now on,
I'm gonna listen to you.
I think we have a much
better connection now, son.
I'm wiring the money.
Thanks a lot, Dad.
Well, listen, as long
as we're this far south,
could you wire us
an extra $500?
We'd like to go down
to Rio for Carnival.
Hello?
$825 dollars
to fix the car.
Yeah, well, I can't
believe our insurance
won't pay for this.
Yeah, go figure.
foreign drivers
who freak out
behind the wheel.
Hola, mi familia.
Hola,Lamberts.
Hola, los banditos.
Man, am I starving.
Me, too.
You know, Dad,
after being in jail,
we did a lot of thinking
on our long ride home.
Yes, sir, it was
a very important
learning experience.
Yeah, I think
we really matured a lot
in the last couple days.
Yeah.
Well, that's great.
Where's Dana?
She's asleep
in the backseat.
No, she's not.
My God, we left her
at the last rest stop.
Man, we're gonna
have to go get her.
Right after
we finish lunch.
By the way,
Grandpa called last week.
He wanted to know
if you've seen Grandma.