Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 6, Episode 18 - Ain't Misbehavin' - full transcript

I can't figure it out.

You got any idea
what's wrong, Sam?

Yeah, I think I got it.

Apparently, J.T. thinks
you can replace a fan belt

with a cowboy belt.

Yep, I think this
Elvis belt buckle would be
your pinging sound.

Hey, Sam, we were
just talking about you.

Hey, Sam, listen.

We're gonna go see Star Warson campus tonight.

You wanna come?
I can't.

I'm having dinner
with my friend Jamie.



See, we're having
this problem at work--

Sam, there's no need
to explain.

I'm a sensitive,
'90s kind of guy.

I know chicks need time alone
to talk about pantyhose

and bloating
and stuff like that.

Well, I was really
hoping you wouldn't mind,
because, actually--

Sam, I'm not
the possessive type.

I'm happy to share you.
But, J.T., the thing is--

Sam, your friend,
Jamie is here to pick
you up for dinner.

He is a hottie.

He?

Your girlfriend is a he?

Hey, Sam,
you ready to go?

Well, if she's not, I am.



Me, too.

Hi.

Everybody,
this is Jamie.

Jamie,
this is Rich, Dana,

Karen, Al, and J.T.

J.T., Sam's boyfriend.

Good to meet ya.
Put 'er there?
Yeah!

No.

Well, I could've.
I've been working out,
you know?

J.T., standing
on your tiptoes

to get the nachos,
not a workout.

So, James.

You and, Sam work
together at the garage.

Yeah, but I don't know
for how long.

The owner told us
he's cutting our hours back.

Yeah, and now that
I lost my roommate,

Hey, Sam, I told
you, don't worry
about this, okay?

You and I are
in this together.

But not as much as
we're in this together.

This is just beautiful.
J.T., can I talk to you
in the kitchen for a second?

I'm kinda busy right now.
I know you're kinda busy.

Just gonna take a second.

What? What are you doing?

I am trying to save
your butt, okay?

You can't go around
acting like a jealous jerk.

Well, what am I
supposed to do,
just sit around

and let her have dinner
with Mr. Good Wrench?

Look, you don't have anything
to worry about, okay?
Try to follow me here.

It's a scientific fact
that it's impossible

for guys to be friends
with women without wanting
to have sex with them.

Of course. However,
the amazing thing is

that girls can be
friends with guys

and never wanna
have sex with them.

Get out of here.
No, man,
it's absolutely true.

I've had tons of
women friends,

But-- But what I was
trying to say is that...

You-- You gotta
trust Sam, okay?

Okay. All right.

I'm cool. I'm cool.
You're cool.

Jamie,
you're so funny.

Yeah, I think you're
funny, too, and I don't
have a boyfriend.

Well, I think
you're funnier,
and I'm 18.

Well, you know,
Sam, we should...

We should probably
get going.

J.T., are you sure
you're okay with me
having dinner with Jamie?

I'm cool.

I just wanna stop by
my apartment so I can
get out of these clothes.

Okay, you get out
of your clothes.
I'll just hang.

Get-- Yeah, why don't you
get out of your clothes?

That's cool there. That's--
That's pretty cool, yeah.

I don't have anything to
worry about with him, do I?

No.

Carol.

My God, your neck is like
a sack of doorknobs.

You know what I think
would really help?

What's that?
A full-body massage.

Okay.

Let's see if old
magic fingers here
can just massage

all the tension right out
of your neck?Yes.

Okay.
Here, get right there.There we go.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Just come right up the back.

Yeah. Yeah.
There we go.

Okay, just let it go.
Yeah, right there.

Yeah.
Yeah, right there.

Right there.
Right there, okay.

There it goes.
Yeah!

Okay, honey,
who's the man, now?

You are.
That was great.

Thank you.
So, I said to
my accountant, you know...

Jean-Luc, um,
how long have you
been sitting there?

I just got here.
I didn't have a chance

to see your little
wild monkey dance.

But we don't want to
discuss your sex life.

We want to discuss
my tax life.

It seems that
I, Jean-Luc Rieupeyroux,

owe Uncle Sam $1,000.

A thousand dollars?
Didn't you pay your taxes?

Well, it was
a matter of priority.

You see,
in my glamorous world,
when one is a dashing,

slightly madcap man
about town, one has
certain expenses.

I mean, beautiful women
want to be shown
a fabulous time on a date.

And believe me,
nowadays, fabulous
don't come cheap.

Well, you've gotta
pay your taxes.

Well, I...

I don't have the money.

Well, don't worry about it.
We'll loan you the money.

I worship at your feet.

What?

Carol, may I speak to you
in the kitchen for
a minute, please?

Excuse me, Jean-Luc.
Is it about loaning
Jean-Luc the money?

No, it's not about loaning
Jean-Luc the money.Excuse me.

Here, no, no.
Okay.

Frank...
It's not about loaning
Jean-Luc the money.

Carol, we can't loan
Jean-Luc the money.Why not?

We can loan him the money
that we were saving
for our weekend getaway.

Honey, we were gonna spend
that money to go that new spa.

The Hot Tub Heaven.

We were going to play
the lonely mermaid

and the submarine
commander.

Well, I know,
but he's a friend.

You know, we could put off
our personal pleasure
for a few months.

He's not that good
a friend.

Carol, it's not good business
to loan money to your friends.

If they don't pay
you back right away,

I am not going to argue
about this. We are
loaning him the money.

Okay, fine. But if you
think your neck hurts
now, just wait.

Okay, Jean-Luc,
I'm writing you
a check right now.

My best friend
in the world!

Best friends in the world.
Thank you so much.

I'll pay you back
no matter what it takes.

Even if I have
to submit myself
for medical experiments,

or even worse,
drink wine in a box.

That's Rieupeyroux--

I know how to
spell your name.

"I" before "E"
except after

Okay, there's no rush.

You just pay us back
whenever you can.

Boy!

but now, I don't
have to cancel my date
with Babette tonight.

I'm going to send her
a dozen roses.

You're right, two dozen.
Now my money problems
are over! Au revoir.

Hi. These are for you.

They're beautiful.

Thank you.
I'll just put
them in water.

Gee, Sam, you look
a little tired.

Were you out late
last night?

No, I was in bed
by 11:00.

And was the date over
by that point?

First of all,
it wasn't a date.

And second,
I thought you said

you were okay with me
having dinner with Jamie.

I am. I am. I just wanted
to make sure it wasn't
dinner and a show.

J.T., I think
it's really cute

that you're all worked up,
but you have nothing
to worry about.

I have completely different
feelings for you and Jamie.

You're my boyfriend.

You're the one
I want to go out with.

Good.

Live with?

Hey, J.T.

Did you hear
the good news?

Sam and I
are living together.
Isn't that cool?

Cool!
Yeah.

Well, anyways,
I'm all sweaty,

so I think I'm gonna
go take a shower.

Here, let me get you a towel.

Let him get his own towel.

You seem mad
about something.

Do I? Do I?

Geez, well, let's see.
I wonder.

What could it be?
I mean, could it be that--

That you have a guy
living with you?...

J.T., I told you,

they cut my hours at work
and I lost my roommate.

And I've gotta split
the rent with somebody
so I can pay my bills.

Then let me move in.
He can live with Rich.

I can't live with you,
you're my boyfriend.

That would be like...
Living together.

But you're living with him.
That's different.

Why?
'Cause I'm not dating Jamie.

He's just a friend.

of you living
with some other guy.

You're being ridiculous.
I'm being ridiculous?

You're living with a guy
you don't even care about,

but you won't live
with me because
I'm your boyfriend.

J.T.--
Sam, I gotta tell you
the truth here,

I am not seeing
the advantage of actually
being your boyfriend.

Well, you know what?

I've got financial
problems.

I was hoping you could
understand that.

Here's what
I understand.

Either you tell Jamie
he's not living here,

or I'm walking
right out that door.

I mean it!

I'm walking here.
I'm gonna walk.

All right.

Turning the knob.

Hey, Sam,
could you get me a towel?

J.T.,
I'll see you later?

Hey, see you later.

I'm outta here.
Have fun toweling off
your new boyfriend.

Okay, Mom,
got the heating pad for you.

Thank you.
What's wrong with your neck?

She sprained it kissing
a 1,000 bucks good-bye.

Marital strife,
I'm outta here.

This has nothing
to do with lending
Jean-Luc the money.

Really?

Jean-Luc took Babette
to Chez Nu.

Chez-- Chez-- Chez Nu?

No, no. No, I--
That's great.

That's great.
I'm really,
happy for Jean-Luc.

Come on,
Carol, admit it.

He will pay us
the money back.

I'm sure of that.
Right.

Carol, Frank,
I have the most
wonderful news.

Lady Luck laid
a big wet one on me.

Jean-Luc,
that is wonderful!

It comes at
the most perfect time,

because you know
what I'm going to do
with the money?

Well, I think I have
a pretty good idea.

I'm going to take Babette
away for the weekend.

Wow.
Was that gonna be
your guess, honey?

I'm taking her to that place
that you told me about,
Hot Tub Heaven.

Doesn't that
sound like fun?

Carol, you know,
with that pain
you're having in your neck,

you should look into
going to Hot Tub Heaven.

But I'll get out
of your way.

I just came over
to borrow a big pot.

I'm serving lobster
and Dom Pérignon for
Babette tonight.

Can I borrow
this pot?

Well, of course I can.
I'm your friend.

You trust me.
I'll bring it back.

Listen, Carol,
while I'm gone,

could you be a lamb
and water my plants?

I'll water
your plants for you.

Okay.

If she doesn't, I'm gonna.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

There, got-got-got it.

You want some
help, honey?No, no, I'm fine.

Come on, Carol, admit it.

It's time you talk to Jean-Luc
about this money thing.

Yeah, well, I'm going to.
He's going to pick me up
for work in a little while,

and I'm gonna tell him how
I feel about this whole thing.

Well, Carol, listen.

I'm gonna tell you something.
Yeah.

Sometimes when you're in pain
and you're angry at someone,

you tend to go over-the-top.
Yeah.

You know, you might
yell more than you
really mean to.

And you may even
feel like resorting
to physical violence.

Yeah.
I want you to go with
that feeling, honey.

Hey, Carol.
I brought your pot back.

I burned it a little bit
and I forgot the lid,
but I'm sorry.

You are the most
selfish person

that has ever walked
the face of the Earth.

And I will never be
so stupid as to loan you
anything ever again.

My God, Carol,
aren't you being
a little picky about a pot?

This is not about a pot.

This is about the money
you owe me.

I had no idea this
was bugging you.Bugging me?

Why do you think
I am wearing this
neck brace?

This is not
a fashion statement.

But you don't care.
All you care about
is spending my money

so you can
go out and entertain
Ba-- Bette.

Well, I'm sorry.

I had to spend money
on Babette.

Why?
So she'll like me.

What are you
talking about, Jean-Luc?

After all,
you owe me 1,000 bucks
and I still like you!

Carol, I'm sorry.

I... I want to
make it up to you.

But I... I don't
have the money.

But what about
you and Frank

could-- Could go
and take the weekend
at Hot Tub Heaven.

I already paid for it.

Well...

with the money
in the first place.

I guess
that'd be great.

Okay.

I'll explain it
to Babette.

She'll be
a little disappointed.

We were going to play
the lonely mermaid and
submarine commander.

I don't get it, Rich.
Why should I be the one
to apologize?

Because, number one,
you gave her an ultimatum.

You never ever
give a woman
an ultimatum.

Number two,
you didn't trust her.

As much as it goes against
our manly nature...

You have to trust women.

Do you know
you're the greatest
kisser in the world?

Really?

Um, like I said,
you can't trust 'em
for a second.

I'm gonna go have myself
surgically attached to Dana.

Wow, I like that.

You're not Sam.

Hey, J.T.
Come on in.

How you doing, Melissa?
J.T. Hi.

Hey, did you just
break down the door

because you thought
I was in here fooling
around with Sam?

What? No. No.

No, the reason that
I broke down the door

was because I had
a feeling that this door
was substandard.

And look, it is,
you know?

So anyways, I'm gonna go
to the building manager

and report this before
Sam gets home, okay?

Hi, Sammy, Sam.

Hi.
You broke
my door down?

Yeah, I guess
he thought that

Jamie was in here
fooling around with you.

Really?
Let's go to my room.

Yeah.

Wait, what do you mean
your room?

Well, it turns
out that Melissa
didn't like the idea

of me living with Sam
any more than you did.

So Melissa's gonna
live with Sam.

In case I never
see you again,

it was nice
meeting you, J.T.

It was nice meeting you,
Melissa.

I can't believe
you broke my door down.

Why don't
you trust me?

Sam, I wanna trust you,
but it's so hard.

I mean, you're living
with a guy that

I mean,
you're only human.

I just figured
it was a matter of time

before something happened
between you and Jamie.

And I feel a little weird
saying this,

but if I was a chick,
I'd be all over the dude.

J.T., I love you.

I love you.

That's part of being
in a relationship.

but I'm sorry I was
acting like a jerk.

Well, if it makes you
feel any better...

It was a little weird
having a guy for a roommate.

It was?
It was?

Yeah, he's
a total slob.

He leaves his
smelly socks
on the floor.

He always leaves
the toilet seat up.

And last night,
I took a shower,

He saw you naked?

Yeah. I mean,
I was so embarrassed,
I just stood there in shock.

Yes, that's why it's gonna
be a whole lot better

for Melissa to be
my roommate,

and Jamie to move
into her old apartment.

You hungry?
I'm gonna fix us
something to eat.

He saw you naked?

I haven't seen
you naked.

That's because
you're my boyfriend.

Right, right, right.

Surprise.

I brought dinner.

That is so sweet,

but I can't have dinner
with you tonight.

I'm going out with
my friend Marty.

Marty?

J.T., relax,
Marty is a girl.

In fact, she's getting
married on Saturday,

and tonight's
her bachelorette party.

We're going to one of
those guy strip clubs.

You mean you're gonna
pay to watch a guy
dance around in a thong?

Well, let's see.
Would you trust me if I went
to the Boom Boom Room

to watch a bunch of
naked ladies dance around?

Sure.

Okay, let's go.
Good idea. Let's go.

We'll both
trust each other

around naked people of
the opposite sex.

Fine.
Fine.

All right.
All right.

Let's go.
Let's go.

I'm turning
the knob.

You know...

Me neither.
Yeah.

Let's just stay home
and watch TV.

He saw you naked?