Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 6, Episode 19 - The Facts of Life - full transcript
Jean-Luc, who once bred race-horses, wins good. That inspires JT and Rich to risk their savings on a tip from him. In fact Jean-Luc sets them up for a life-lesson with his huge laundry friends Tony and Frankie. When Lily asks where children come from, Frank would tell her a fairy fib, but Carol forces him to spill the beans about the birds and the bees, and she tells her kindergarten class buddy, Joey. His parents, Devon and Tiffany (24), are furious at the 'Woodstock generation' parents, but the teacher arranges a meeting.
Okay, Lilly,
before Surf's Up Susie
can go out with
Surf's Up Dave,
you need to know
the golden rule of dating.
He who has the gold
gets the date.
Lilly,
don't listen to her.
You are a powerful,
independent,
free-thinking woman
capable of buying yourself
anything you need.
Stand tall against
the totalitarian
testosterone conspiracy.
What's her problem?
Hello, ladies.
Hello, honey bunny.
Hello, sweetie-weety-peety.
Way to stand tall,
honey-woney.
What's going on?
Well, after hearing Karen
explain dating to Lilly,
I'm about to have a stroke.
Well, it's good thing
Dr. Halke's in the house.
Kissing.
Hi. Good news.
The new dishes we ordered
finally arrived.
Anything new
going on here?
Yeah, Rich and Dana
are going to have a baby!
Lilly, could you
tell Mommy again
what you just told me
about Rich and Dana?
Sure, Mommy.
I said Rich and Dana
are going to have a baby!
You're a dead man.
No, no, no, Frank.
Mom, I have...
I don't know where
she got this idea,
but I am definitely
not pregnant.
Yeah, I don't know
where she got that.
Well, that, that, that is
if I wanted break in
to Fort Knox,
which I wouldn't even dream
of doing anything like that
until Fort Knox
and I are married.
Smooth, Rich.
Okay, now,
you tell Mommy
why you think that
Rich and Dana are
going to have a baby.
'Cause Rich and Dana
were kissing,
and my friend Joey said
that's how you make a baby.
I am so glad this little
misunderstanding is over.
Dana and I are just...
Yeah, we'll be
leaving now.
Together,
but in a very platonic way.
You know,
it's completely unsexual.
I won't even think
about her naked--
Lilly, your friend
Joey was wrong.
Babies do not come
from kissing.
Then, where do
they come from?
I'll handle
this one, honey.
Come here, honey.
Okay, up.
There we go.
Okay, now,
when a mommy and a daddy
want a baby...
They go to this big,
magical cabbage patch.
And it's ruled by
a royal queen and her elves.
Frank, Frank,
I'll handle this.
Now, honey, I'm just getting
to the part where the babies
come down the rainbow.
It's okay.
Frank. Frank.
Lilly,
forget what Daddy said
about the cabbage patch.
All right,
Mommy is going to tell you
where babies come from.
Frank, our daughter has
asked an honest question,
I'm going to give her
an honest answer.
I want Daddy to tell me
where babies come from.
I love when Daddy
explains things.
Okay, Daddy.
So, the, the question is
where do babies come from.
Right.
And the answer is...
Babies come...
From Mommy's tummy.
The end.
Look at this car.
Okay, I see that you want
a complete explanation.
Because that's where
the seed is planted.
Look, it's 3:00!
Who wants to go to
the toy store?
I do!
All right!
Right after you tell me
how the seed gets
into the mommy's tummy.
Okay...
And they're off.
The first one out of
the gate is Dancing Girl.
Followed closely
by Mr. Bickley,
Daddy's Dream,
Saratoga, Bandit Bob,
and Susie Q
bringing up the rear...
As we say on the range,
"Howdy, boys."
Go, Dancing Girl!
Come on, go,
Mr. Bickley!
I see you two are
watching the races.
Perhaps one of you
would like to ask me
how come I'm wearing this
dashing urban cowboy outfit
and squinting into the wind.
Not really.
J.T. and I are kinda busy.
Well, you're both very rude,
and you're both very wrong.
The winner of this race
will be Susie Q.
Don't flick
your phlegm at me.
She's dead last.
Any moment,
she's going to make her move
run to the outside,
and win by three lengths.
Ha!
Yeah, right.
And down the homestretch
they come.
Wow!
Susie Q's making a move!
She's going to the outside
and really turning it on!
And Susie Q wins
by three lengths!
Jean-Luc, that was amazing!
How did you know
that she was gonna win?
Because I used to own
and breed racehorses
before my ex-wife took them
all away from me.
She likes to take things
away from me.
I'd like to take things
away from her.
Like her lungs.
Thank God
I'm not bitter.
Now, last chance.
Is anyone in this room
going to ask me
how come a Frenchman like me
is dressed like Roy Rogers?
Roy Rogers?
I really don't feel like
telling you right now.
However,
if you insist on knowing,
I'm going line dancing
at the Golden Spur.
Yes, indeedy-do.
Country line dancing
is super-extra fantastic.
One man gets to dance
with 12 woman.
And I have only one thing
to say about that.
Rawhide.
All right, children,
nap time is over.
Now it's time
for show-and-tell.
I want you to break up into
your show-and-tell groups,
I wanna go first.
No, I wanna go first.
I got a rock.
So, I'm gonna tell
where babies come from.
I already know that.
Babies come from kissing.
No way, Joey.
Kissing's just part one.
Well, what's part two?
That's the really good part.
I'll use these dolls
to show you.
Now watch,
'cause this is gonna
blow your mind.
Bye, Mason.
Bye, Miss Crawford.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi, honey.
Hi, Daddy. Hi, Mommy.
Hi, sweetheart.
Did you have a good day?
No.
Why not?
Joey's not allowed to play
at our house anymore.
His daddy told him
we have a dirty family.
Excuse me,
Mr. and Mrs. Lambert,
You see,
today at show-and-tell,
Lilly told
her little friends
all about the birds
and the bees.
Lilly,
why don't you
go get your coat
and gather
your things, okay?
Okay.
There you go.
Listen, I am really
sorry about this.
Don't worry.
These things with kids
happen all the time.
Yes, I know,
but I don't want Lilly
to lose a friend over this.
I'm sure we can get this
all straightened out.
Thank you.
That would be great.
Yeah, thanks.
Mommy, Daddy.
Could you help me
dress my dolls up?
They're done making a baby,
they should wear clothes.
Yes, they should.
Buh-bye.
Bye.
Okay, translate
this phrase into French.
"You have a handsome son."
Vous avez...
Vous avez...
A beau...
Un...
Ah.
No, just say, "Ahh."
Vous avez un beau fesse.
Okay, perfect,
expect for one thing.
Instead of telling me
that I have a handsome son,
you told me that I have
a handsome buttock.
Sorry.
That's okay.
I get that a lot.
Check it out!
We're rich!
Zut alors.
That's a lot of cash.Yep.
We went to that track
in Chicago,
Man, it was so easy.
Man, I feel so in tune
with horses.
I feel like I'm...
Part horse.
And I know which part.
Listen, guys,
Absolutely.
We're natural
pony players.
Tomorrow, we're gonna
empty out college fund
and make a big killing
at the track.
You can't do that.
Okay. Fine.
You're an idiot.
Normally, yes,
but not necessarily
when it comes to horse racing.
Now, listen, guys.
There's a horse
going off tomorrow
at 50/1 odds
called Thunderbolt.
It's a sure thing.
Now, at those odds,
What do you say?
I say, if we hurry,
we can clean out
our college fund
before the bank closes!
Yes!
- Money, money, money.
- Money, money, money.
Money! Yes.
Money, money, money! Money.
Jean-Luc, are you nuts?
No, don't worry.
Look, I'm in total control.
I know exactly
what I'm doing.
Well, good,
'cause right now,
That was very rude.
Congratulations,
you are now officially French.
Hey, Jean-Luc,
how come you wanted us to
meet you in a laundry--
This is a bookie joint?
Lots of criminal activities
occur in laundries.
Haven't you ever
heard the phrase
"laundering money"?
Okay.
Now, I'm going to go over
and tell my bookies
that you're with me,
so wait here,
and don't touch anything.
What did I just say?
I said don't touch anything.
Okay, are you ready?
These the pigeons
we're gonna scare?
Oui.
Bring on the meat.
Hey, J.T.
Hey, Jean-Luc.
Those are some nice pants
you got there--
Now, we're in.
How much money
do you want to bet?
Well, including
all our college money,
we got $2,300.
$2,300?
I spit on $2,300.
You want to win big,
you got to bet big money.
I say you bet $10,000.
- But we don't have...
- $10,000.
Yeah, what if we lose?
It's a sure thing.
You definitely do not
need the money.
You know something,
he's right.
Now you're talking.
50,000.
Because at 50/1 odds,
that will make you
millionaire.
What do you say, Rich?
Oui.
Okay, boys,
these are my friends,
J.T. and Rich.
How you doing?
Rich Halke. Nice to meet you.How you doing? I'm J.T.
This one's clean,
no gun, no wire.Ditto.
Well, we'd like
to bet 50,000
on Thunderbolt to win
in the fifth race.
How are a couple of
snot-nosed punks like you
gonna come up with 50 large?
They're good for it.
And I spit on anyone
who won't accept my voucher.
Okay, we got you
down for 50.
Um, could we get
a receipt for that?
I'm very trustworthy.
And you have
very lovely hands, too.
And they're off!
Whiskey Pete's in first.
Followed by Shadow.
Amy's Pride, Baby Face,
Cuban Cigar,
and Thunderbolt
bringing up the rear.
Our horse is dead last.
No, no, calm down.
Maybe he's
just pacing himself.
Come on, go, Thunderbolt!
And at the clubhouse turn,
it's Whiskey Pete.
Followed by Amy's Pride,
Shadow, Baby Face.
Here comes Cuban Cigar.
And Thunderbolt
is falling way behind
the rest of the pack.
Pacing himself?
He's limping!
They're turning
into the homestretch.
And for some reason,
Thunderbolt is slowing down.
Dear, God,
he's stopping to pee!
Pee later,
you old flea bag!
We got 50 grand
on this race!
Amy's Pride second, and Shadow a very close third.
Wow!
Here's something
you don't see very often.
They're bringing out
a truck to take Thunderbolt
off the track.
Okay, boys,
the bet was 50,000.
Now pay up.
We might have a little bit
of a problem.
You see,
because we don't
actually have...
$50,000.
Well, how much you got, then?
$2,300.
That perhaps
we could work out
an easy-payment plan
for the rest.
How 'bout this
for an easy-payment plan,
I squeeze your head
until the money comes out
your eyeballs?
Jean-Luc,
I think we have
a little problem.
You think
you have a problem,
I forgot to put in
fabric softener.
Good idea.
Which side of your face
do you want to crease on?
Give me the rest of my money,
you little creep!
I told you!
We don't have it!
No, God, please!
Please, just get me
out of this!
I swear I'll never
gamble again!Me, too, me, too!
- On three.
- No!
Ready, one, two, three!
Hey, what's going on here?
You, my friends,
have been stung.
What do you mean,
this was all a set up?
Frankie and Tony
just work here.
Do you think that I
Jean-Luc Rieupeyroux
would just stand by
while you screw away
all your college money
on gambling?
So these guys
really aren't
gonna kill us?
Not as long as you promise
never to gamble again.
Hey, no problem there.
Yeah, you go that right.
Jean-Luc, man.
You guys, you were...
You were great, man.
You really had us going.
Very funny.
You touch me again
and I'll crush your head
like a walnut.
You got it.
See ya.
Bye.
Well,
this is great, honey.
Calm down, Frank.
You know, we shouldn't judge
them before we meet them.
Yeah, but I just
hate the idea
of some miserable, old,
stuck-up fuddy-duddies
not allowing their kid
to play with Lillian.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm Devon.
This is Tiffany.Hi.
Hi. Do you go
to high school
down the street?
No,
we're Joey's parents.
We were expecting adults.
No, we're adults.
Tiffany is 24,
and I'm 24 and a half.
Listen, I'm glad we got
together to talk this out
because we want you to
understand our position.
It's just we don't want
our son knowing about
"things" too soon.
Right, right.
Sex at such a young age
is very irresponsible.
Irresponsible?
All we did was tell
our child the truth.
I hardly think
that's irresponsible.
Well, of course you don't.
where everything
was free and easy.
Look, obviously you people
have no self-control.
I mean, you know,
seven children,
what are you, rabbits?
You know, Skippy,
you're starting to
tick me off here.
Listen, don't yell
at my husband.
Well, your husband
is a little twit.
Yeah? Well, yours
is an old hippie.
Hey!
Take that back!
Everybody has to stop yelling
and say they're sorry.
Yeah, me and Joey
just wanted to
play together.
Lilly's my friend.
And Joey's my friend.
Now say you're sorry.
Sorry.
Say it like you mean it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
Yes, I'm sorry.
I apologize.
We just really have to
find a way to work this out.
Look, we don't wanna be
unreasonable,
but we just have
certain opinions
And-and you're entitles
to those opinions.
But we shouldn't let that
get in the way of our children
being friends.
Yeah, Mommy, please,
can I play at Lilly's house?
Okay.
You can play
at Lilly's house.
We can watch
the nature channel.
The nature channel?
Don't worry,
don't worry.
It's predator week.
There's no sex.
Just wild animals ripping
each other's guts out.
Yeah. Fine.
Okay, buh-bye.
Nice meeting you.
You know,
I think Skippy there
was potty-trained
a tad too early.
Look, boys, you may have
learned your lesson
about gambling,
but if you're gonna make it
in this man's world,
there's something else
you need to know.
What's that?
One word...
Laundry.
What's the big deal?
You just toss it all
in the washing machine.
You say one more stupid thing
and I'm gonna spin you
over my head again!
Now, listen up,
you yutzes,
you wanna separate your denim
and your other heavy items
from your light cottons
and unmentionables.
Why?
So you can add the appropriate
fabric softener, you dipstick!
they will be rough
and abrasive
against your sensitive skin.
Now, you may not know it
by looking at me,
but...
I chafe easily.
And when I chafe,
you do not wanna
be around me.
He's impossible.
before Surf's Up Susie
can go out with
Surf's Up Dave,
you need to know
the golden rule of dating.
He who has the gold
gets the date.
Lilly,
don't listen to her.
You are a powerful,
independent,
free-thinking woman
capable of buying yourself
anything you need.
Stand tall against
the totalitarian
testosterone conspiracy.
What's her problem?
Hello, ladies.
Hello, honey bunny.
Hello, sweetie-weety-peety.
Way to stand tall,
honey-woney.
What's going on?
Well, after hearing Karen
explain dating to Lilly,
I'm about to have a stroke.
Well, it's good thing
Dr. Halke's in the house.
Kissing.
Hi. Good news.
The new dishes we ordered
finally arrived.
Anything new
going on here?
Yeah, Rich and Dana
are going to have a baby!
Lilly, could you
tell Mommy again
what you just told me
about Rich and Dana?
Sure, Mommy.
I said Rich and Dana
are going to have a baby!
You're a dead man.
No, no, no, Frank.
Mom, I have...
I don't know where
she got this idea,
but I am definitely
not pregnant.
Yeah, I don't know
where she got that.
Well, that, that, that is
if I wanted break in
to Fort Knox,
which I wouldn't even dream
of doing anything like that
until Fort Knox
and I are married.
Smooth, Rich.
Okay, now,
you tell Mommy
why you think that
Rich and Dana are
going to have a baby.
'Cause Rich and Dana
were kissing,
and my friend Joey said
that's how you make a baby.
I am so glad this little
misunderstanding is over.
Dana and I are just...
Yeah, we'll be
leaving now.
Together,
but in a very platonic way.
You know,
it's completely unsexual.
I won't even think
about her naked--
Lilly, your friend
Joey was wrong.
Babies do not come
from kissing.
Then, where do
they come from?
I'll handle
this one, honey.
Come here, honey.
Okay, up.
There we go.
Okay, now,
when a mommy and a daddy
want a baby...
They go to this big,
magical cabbage patch.
And it's ruled by
a royal queen and her elves.
Frank, Frank,
I'll handle this.
Now, honey, I'm just getting
to the part where the babies
come down the rainbow.
It's okay.
Frank. Frank.
Lilly,
forget what Daddy said
about the cabbage patch.
All right,
Mommy is going to tell you
where babies come from.
Frank, our daughter has
asked an honest question,
I'm going to give her
an honest answer.
I want Daddy to tell me
where babies come from.
I love when Daddy
explains things.
Okay, Daddy.
So, the, the question is
where do babies come from.
Right.
And the answer is...
Babies come...
From Mommy's tummy.
The end.
Look at this car.
Okay, I see that you want
a complete explanation.
Because that's where
the seed is planted.
Look, it's 3:00!
Who wants to go to
the toy store?
I do!
All right!
Right after you tell me
how the seed gets
into the mommy's tummy.
Okay...
And they're off.
The first one out of
the gate is Dancing Girl.
Followed closely
by Mr. Bickley,
Daddy's Dream,
Saratoga, Bandit Bob,
and Susie Q
bringing up the rear...
As we say on the range,
"Howdy, boys."
Go, Dancing Girl!
Come on, go,
Mr. Bickley!
I see you two are
watching the races.
Perhaps one of you
would like to ask me
how come I'm wearing this
dashing urban cowboy outfit
and squinting into the wind.
Not really.
J.T. and I are kinda busy.
Well, you're both very rude,
and you're both very wrong.
The winner of this race
will be Susie Q.
Don't flick
your phlegm at me.
She's dead last.
Any moment,
she's going to make her move
run to the outside,
and win by three lengths.
Ha!
Yeah, right.
And down the homestretch
they come.
Wow!
Susie Q's making a move!
She's going to the outside
and really turning it on!
And Susie Q wins
by three lengths!
Jean-Luc, that was amazing!
How did you know
that she was gonna win?
Because I used to own
and breed racehorses
before my ex-wife took them
all away from me.
She likes to take things
away from me.
I'd like to take things
away from her.
Like her lungs.
Thank God
I'm not bitter.
Now, last chance.
Is anyone in this room
going to ask me
how come a Frenchman like me
is dressed like Roy Rogers?
Roy Rogers?
I really don't feel like
telling you right now.
However,
if you insist on knowing,
I'm going line dancing
at the Golden Spur.
Yes, indeedy-do.
Country line dancing
is super-extra fantastic.
One man gets to dance
with 12 woman.
And I have only one thing
to say about that.
Rawhide.
All right, children,
nap time is over.
Now it's time
for show-and-tell.
I want you to break up into
your show-and-tell groups,
I wanna go first.
No, I wanna go first.
I got a rock.
So, I'm gonna tell
where babies come from.
I already know that.
Babies come from kissing.
No way, Joey.
Kissing's just part one.
Well, what's part two?
That's the really good part.
I'll use these dolls
to show you.
Now watch,
'cause this is gonna
blow your mind.
Bye, Mason.
Bye, Miss Crawford.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi, honey.
Hi, Daddy. Hi, Mommy.
Hi, sweetheart.
Did you have a good day?
No.
Why not?
Joey's not allowed to play
at our house anymore.
His daddy told him
we have a dirty family.
Excuse me,
Mr. and Mrs. Lambert,
You see,
today at show-and-tell,
Lilly told
her little friends
all about the birds
and the bees.
Lilly,
why don't you
go get your coat
and gather
your things, okay?
Okay.
There you go.
Listen, I am really
sorry about this.
Don't worry.
These things with kids
happen all the time.
Yes, I know,
but I don't want Lilly
to lose a friend over this.
I'm sure we can get this
all straightened out.
Thank you.
That would be great.
Yeah, thanks.
Mommy, Daddy.
Could you help me
dress my dolls up?
They're done making a baby,
they should wear clothes.
Yes, they should.
Buh-bye.
Bye.
Okay, translate
this phrase into French.
"You have a handsome son."
Vous avez...
Vous avez...
A beau...
Un...
Ah.
No, just say, "Ahh."
Vous avez un beau fesse.
Okay, perfect,
expect for one thing.
Instead of telling me
that I have a handsome son,
you told me that I have
a handsome buttock.
Sorry.
That's okay.
I get that a lot.
Check it out!
We're rich!
Zut alors.
That's a lot of cash.Yep.
We went to that track
in Chicago,
Man, it was so easy.
Man, I feel so in tune
with horses.
I feel like I'm...
Part horse.
And I know which part.
Listen, guys,
Absolutely.
We're natural
pony players.
Tomorrow, we're gonna
empty out college fund
and make a big killing
at the track.
You can't do that.
Okay. Fine.
You're an idiot.
Normally, yes,
but not necessarily
when it comes to horse racing.
Now, listen, guys.
There's a horse
going off tomorrow
at 50/1 odds
called Thunderbolt.
It's a sure thing.
Now, at those odds,
What do you say?
I say, if we hurry,
we can clean out
our college fund
before the bank closes!
Yes!
- Money, money, money.
- Money, money, money.
Money! Yes.
Money, money, money! Money.
Jean-Luc, are you nuts?
No, don't worry.
Look, I'm in total control.
I know exactly
what I'm doing.
Well, good,
'cause right now,
That was very rude.
Congratulations,
you are now officially French.
Hey, Jean-Luc,
how come you wanted us to
meet you in a laundry--
This is a bookie joint?
Lots of criminal activities
occur in laundries.
Haven't you ever
heard the phrase
"laundering money"?
Okay.
Now, I'm going to go over
and tell my bookies
that you're with me,
so wait here,
and don't touch anything.
What did I just say?
I said don't touch anything.
Okay, are you ready?
These the pigeons
we're gonna scare?
Oui.
Bring on the meat.
Hey, J.T.
Hey, Jean-Luc.
Those are some nice pants
you got there--
Now, we're in.
How much money
do you want to bet?
Well, including
all our college money,
we got $2,300.
$2,300?
I spit on $2,300.
You want to win big,
you got to bet big money.
I say you bet $10,000.
- But we don't have...
- $10,000.
Yeah, what if we lose?
It's a sure thing.
You definitely do not
need the money.
You know something,
he's right.
Now you're talking.
50,000.
Because at 50/1 odds,
that will make you
millionaire.
What do you say, Rich?
Oui.
Okay, boys,
these are my friends,
J.T. and Rich.
How you doing?
Rich Halke. Nice to meet you.How you doing? I'm J.T.
This one's clean,
no gun, no wire.Ditto.
Well, we'd like
to bet 50,000
on Thunderbolt to win
in the fifth race.
How are a couple of
snot-nosed punks like you
gonna come up with 50 large?
They're good for it.
And I spit on anyone
who won't accept my voucher.
Okay, we got you
down for 50.
Um, could we get
a receipt for that?
I'm very trustworthy.
And you have
very lovely hands, too.
And they're off!
Whiskey Pete's in first.
Followed by Shadow.
Amy's Pride, Baby Face,
Cuban Cigar,
and Thunderbolt
bringing up the rear.
Our horse is dead last.
No, no, calm down.
Maybe he's
just pacing himself.
Come on, go, Thunderbolt!
And at the clubhouse turn,
it's Whiskey Pete.
Followed by Amy's Pride,
Shadow, Baby Face.
Here comes Cuban Cigar.
And Thunderbolt
is falling way behind
the rest of the pack.
Pacing himself?
He's limping!
They're turning
into the homestretch.
And for some reason,
Thunderbolt is slowing down.
Dear, God,
he's stopping to pee!
Pee later,
you old flea bag!
We got 50 grand
on this race!
Amy's Pride second, and Shadow a very close third.
Wow!
Here's something
you don't see very often.
They're bringing out
a truck to take Thunderbolt
off the track.
Okay, boys,
the bet was 50,000.
Now pay up.
We might have a little bit
of a problem.
You see,
because we don't
actually have...
$50,000.
Well, how much you got, then?
$2,300.
That perhaps
we could work out
an easy-payment plan
for the rest.
How 'bout this
for an easy-payment plan,
I squeeze your head
until the money comes out
your eyeballs?
Jean-Luc,
I think we have
a little problem.
You think
you have a problem,
I forgot to put in
fabric softener.
Good idea.
Which side of your face
do you want to crease on?
Give me the rest of my money,
you little creep!
I told you!
We don't have it!
No, God, please!
Please, just get me
out of this!
I swear I'll never
gamble again!Me, too, me, too!
- On three.
- No!
Ready, one, two, three!
Hey, what's going on here?
You, my friends,
have been stung.
What do you mean,
this was all a set up?
Frankie and Tony
just work here.
Do you think that I
Jean-Luc Rieupeyroux
would just stand by
while you screw away
all your college money
on gambling?
So these guys
really aren't
gonna kill us?
Not as long as you promise
never to gamble again.
Hey, no problem there.
Yeah, you go that right.
Jean-Luc, man.
You guys, you were...
You were great, man.
You really had us going.
Very funny.
You touch me again
and I'll crush your head
like a walnut.
You got it.
See ya.
Bye.
Well,
this is great, honey.
Calm down, Frank.
You know, we shouldn't judge
them before we meet them.
Yeah, but I just
hate the idea
of some miserable, old,
stuck-up fuddy-duddies
not allowing their kid
to play with Lillian.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm Devon.
This is Tiffany.Hi.
Hi. Do you go
to high school
down the street?
No,
we're Joey's parents.
We were expecting adults.
No, we're adults.
Tiffany is 24,
and I'm 24 and a half.
Listen, I'm glad we got
together to talk this out
because we want you to
understand our position.
It's just we don't want
our son knowing about
"things" too soon.
Right, right.
Sex at such a young age
is very irresponsible.
Irresponsible?
All we did was tell
our child the truth.
I hardly think
that's irresponsible.
Well, of course you don't.
where everything
was free and easy.
Look, obviously you people
have no self-control.
I mean, you know,
seven children,
what are you, rabbits?
You know, Skippy,
you're starting to
tick me off here.
Listen, don't yell
at my husband.
Well, your husband
is a little twit.
Yeah? Well, yours
is an old hippie.
Hey!
Take that back!
Everybody has to stop yelling
and say they're sorry.
Yeah, me and Joey
just wanted to
play together.
Lilly's my friend.
And Joey's my friend.
Now say you're sorry.
Sorry.
Say it like you mean it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
Yes, I'm sorry.
I apologize.
We just really have to
find a way to work this out.
Look, we don't wanna be
unreasonable,
but we just have
certain opinions
And-and you're entitles
to those opinions.
But we shouldn't let that
get in the way of our children
being friends.
Yeah, Mommy, please,
can I play at Lilly's house?
Okay.
You can play
at Lilly's house.
We can watch
the nature channel.
The nature channel?
Don't worry,
don't worry.
It's predator week.
There's no sex.
Just wild animals ripping
each other's guts out.
Yeah. Fine.
Okay, buh-bye.
Nice meeting you.
You know,
I think Skippy there
was potty-trained
a tad too early.
Look, boys, you may have
learned your lesson
about gambling,
but if you're gonna make it
in this man's world,
there's something else
you need to know.
What's that?
One word...
Laundry.
What's the big deal?
You just toss it all
in the washing machine.
You say one more stupid thing
and I'm gonna spin you
over my head again!
Now, listen up,
you yutzes,
you wanna separate your denim
and your other heavy items
from your light cottons
and unmentionables.
Why?
So you can add the appropriate
fabric softener, you dipstick!
they will be rough
and abrasive
against your sensitive skin.
Now, you may not know it
by looking at me,
but...
I chafe easily.
And when I chafe,
you do not wanna
be around me.
He's impossible.