Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 5, Episode 17 - Forever Young - full transcript
Cody invents greeting cards- for weird occasions, and on 'appropriate' objects instead of cards. When Karen is furious a girl-friend stole her date, J.T. and his mate Rich Halke sneer boys wouldn't risk a friend for a mere chick, so the girls get foxy Brandi Hartman to prove rivaling boys back-stab mates too, but they catch on and decide to get even by exaggerating scarily until... Frank and Carol are repeatedly mistaken for baby-daughter Lilly's grandparents, so Carol accepts an invitation by a couple they met there to a grunge party, but the violent dance style is too much- especially for Frank's back...
Hey, you guys.
I came up with a product.
It's gonna full-on make me
a millionaire, okay?
Heh. It's totally original
and unique, all right?
It's gonna blow you away.
I call it "greeting cards."
Huh?
I don't think
you're the first one
out of the chute with that idea.
Oh, yeah, right. Well, sure.
Hah. But what about
all those other holidays
that other people don't give
a hoot about, right?
Dig it, that's where
my greeting cards come in.
[LAUGHS]
Ooh!
[CHUCKLING]
Cody, this is a hamburger.
Ah-ha! Correction, little cuz.
That's a greeting card
for National Fast Food Workers
Appreciation Day.
[CHUCKLES] Look at
the beef patty, man.
I carved in
a little inscription.
[LAUGHS]
"Roses are red,
violets are black.
"Thanks for washing your hands
"before you make my Big Mac."
That's it.
[SCREAMING]
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
MAN:
♪ The dream got broken
♪ Seemed like all was lost
♪ What would be the future?
♪ Could you pay the cost?
♪ You wonder
♪ Will there ever be
♪ A second time around?
WOMAN:
♪ Woah-a, woah-a
♪ When the tears are over
♪ And the moment has come
♪ Say, "My Lord
I think I found someone"
♪ You know it will be better
♪ 'Cause you're
putting it together
♪ For the second time around
ALL:
♪ Step by step, day by day
WOMAN:
♪ Day by day
♪ A different hand to play
♪ The deeper we fall
♪ The stronger we stay
WOMAN:
♪ We'll make it better
MAN:
♪ Second time around ♪
Well, Frank,
if I'd known
all these couples are...
I mean, really, we look old
enough to be their parents.
Oh, come on, honey,
we are not that old, okay?
-Mrs. Lambert?
-Mmm-hmm.
Hi, I'm Patti Richardson.
I was in Buttercup Girls
with Dana.
You were my den mother.
[LAUGHS]
Well...
Well, boy, look at you.
[LAUGHS]
All grown up.
And with a baby.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
-Frank.
-Huh, what?
Uh, this is Patti Richardson.
She was in Buttercups
with Dana.
Hi, nice to meet you.
And this is my husband, Skippy.
Skippy.
And this is our son,
Skippy Junior.
Oh, this must be
Dana's little cutie pie.
Well, actually,
she's our little cutie pie.
You two had a baby?
No way!
Well, luckily,
Medicare paid for it.
You know, I saw
a Sally Jessy
about this.
I think it was called
"Women Who Have Babies
In Their Twilight Years."
[LAUGHS]
Isn't that nice?
Okay, everybody,
welcome to family playtime.
The first thing I want to do
is have everybody give
Mr. Playtime a great big kiss.
Well, hello, Mr. Playtime.
Oh.
Frank, I think
she means the children.
Oh, I'm sorry,
it is my first time.
Don't worry about it,
we're just glad you're here.
It's always nice
to meet the grandparents.
Actually, we're the parents.
[BABIES COOING]
Oh! Well...
Okay, let's move along to our
first family playtime activity,
horsey races.
And mommies, you hold
the babies in the saddle.
[IMITATING NEIGHING]
-[SNAPS]
-Oh... Ah, geez, my back!
[GRUNTING]
Woo!
Ah, yes, two more graduates
of the Ace Ventura Charm School.
[LAUGHING]
All righty, then.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Darn it all to heck!
Whoa!
Stand back, everybody.
Snow White's having a meltdown.
I'm sorry you had to witness
that outburst of foul language.
But I'm so ticked off
at Tiffany Fisher.
Isn't Tiffany Fisher
one of your best friends?
She knew
that I had my heart set
She got him
to ask her instead.
Darn.
Darn, double darn!
You know, chicks are always
back-stabbin' each other.
Another example of how
men are superior to women.
Mmm-hmm.
Another pearl of wisdom
from Spud the talking potato.
Look, all I'm saying is,
guys would never
trash a friendship
over some stupid chick.
Exactly, J.T.,
buds are thicker than babes.
Yeah.
Yeah, right,
all some girl would have to do
is come in here
and bat her eyelashes
and the two of you would be
at each other's throats.
[SCOFFING]
There is no girl
who could ever
come between me
and my buddy Rich.
Right on, J.T.
You're beautiful, man.
I love you, buddy.
Come on, man,
let's go watch some tube.
Ooh! Bikini Carwash.
Maybe we'll see some
nifty headlights.
Can you believe those jerks?
God, I would love
to blow a hole in their
stupid "Buds are thicker
than babes" theory.
I've got an idea.
What is it?
No, no, we couldn't.
It's too mean, it's cruel.
J.T. and Rich
would be humiliated.
Let's do it.
Hey, Uncle Frank, dude.
[CHUCKLES]
Check it out, man.
I got a new greeting card.
It's for National B.O. Day, huh?
[LAUGHS]
Cody,
this is a can of deodorant.
Well, yeah, dude,
take off the cap.
Look inside, bro.
It's gonna blow you away.
"Roses are red.
"Carnations are pink.
"I love you, man,
but, dude, you stink."
I'll take two.
I got a couple of French guys
working in my crew.
[CHUCKLING] All right.
All right,
double stinker
for Uncle Frank.
Frank.
You know, the ones
from our playtime class.
And they want us to get together
with them Saturday night.
Kenny and Bonnie,
which ones are they?
has the bad back just like you.
Anyway, they want us
to go to the Cobra Pit.
Cobra pit,
What's a cobra pit?
Oh, Uncle Frank, man,
it's like the coolest
new grunge rock club
in town, man.
Hey, besides, hey,
you get a chance to see
People Puking Their Guts Out.
[LAUGHS]
Why would I wanna see that?
'Cause that's
the name of the band.
People Puking Their Guts Out.
They're like the coolest new
grunge rock band around,
man, heh.
Hey, a word to the wise,
old man.
You don't wanna sit
in the front row
unless you're wearing a poncho.
[LAUGHING]
Well, I know
it's not our kind of place
I just don't want
our daughter growing up
thinking her parents are
a couple of old fuddy-duddies.
Hey, hey, hey,
I am not a fuddy-duddy.
All right, okay, what
is Hootie & the Blowfish?
It is what's
on Discovery Channel
after Shark Week.
[IMITATES BUZZER]
Fuddy-duddy.
[LAUGHS]
Frank, Hootie & the Blowfish
just happens to be
the biggest, hippest rock band
in the country.
And you would know that
if you watch MTV
like I did this morning.
Okay, I'll go.
Okay, I'll call.
-Hey, Cody.
-Dude.
Oh, bro, just wear
what you're wearin' now.
But, two minor adjustments
I would make...
Rip that down here and...
Yeah, you're cool. Hey.
Put a little spit in you hair,
you'll be stylin'.
Oh, come on, Uncle Frank.
The chicks will be all over you.
Are you eating candy
in here or something?
It smells like fruit.
Oh, no, man,
those are Lilly's pacifiers.
They're pretty good,
they come in fruit flavors.
Are you out of your mind?
No, they're really good, here.
Check it out,
this one's strawberry.
Knock yourself out, man.
Oh, good,
the boys are up from their naps.
Uh, we were just testing, uh,
Lilly's pacifiers.
You know, uh,
safety reasons. Right?
Yeah.
Wow.
Dana, you didn't tell me
this is where all
the cute guys hang out.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're just infested with them.
Uh, this is J.T., my stepbrother
and his wacky sidekick,
Rich Halke.
Hi, I'm Brandi.
Brandi, ha-ha,
that rhymes with handy.
And candy.
Huh, that too.
And Rich Halke.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
The sweater's all mine.
Pleasure's all mine.
The sweater's a pleasure.
It's a pleasure-sweater.
Um...
Brandi, why don't you
have a seat
[SIGHS]
[SCREAMS]
So, uh...
[WITH ROLLED R] Brandi.
Uh, into astronomy, huh?
Yeah, me too.
I'm a Virgo.
That's astrology, you moron.
Astronomy is the study
of the astronauts.
[SCOFFING]
You know, I'm kind of thirsty.
Is there any chance I can get
something cool to drink?
BOTH: I'll get it.
You're not gettin' nothing,
it's my house!
I'll get the glass.
Don't call me peewee,
I hate it when you call me that!
[CHUCKLES]
Wow, you were right,
they fell for it.
Of course, they fell for it,
are you kidding?
Those morons would have to study
all night to pass a urine test.
[BUBBLING]
Hey, J.T.
Don't ask me why,
but for some reason
Brandi Hartman has not
stopped talking about you.
Really?
Go figure.
Oh.
"J.T., I want you.
Call me. Hurry. Brandi."
Oh, God, I gotta call her!
[LAUGHS]
Yup, J.T. Lambert's
about to step
into the big leagues
of love, ha!
Oh-ho-ho, you're about
to step into it, all right.
Hello, Brandi.
Well, look, what do
you say we go out tonight?
You can't? Why not?
Rich Halke?
Well, he's lying.
I don't have any secrets.
I am too anatomically
correct.
Well...
Then there's a few things
you need to know
before you go out with Rich.
Well, yeah, for starters
Yeah, oh, it's bad--
Get off the phone!
Hey, he's lying,
he's just jealous.
You know how guys get
about that...
So what?
He wears his mom's underpants.
I'll call you back.
You slime ball!
Where'd you get off
telling Brandi
I dress in my mom's panties?
Hey, you told her I don't
have all my guy parts, man.
You stink!
-Me?
-Yeah, man.
I finally find a chick
who's got the hots for me
and you go behind my back
and try to screw it up.
Hots for you?
Brandi's got the hots for me.
-Oh, yeah?
-Yes!
"J.T., I want you.
Call me. Hurry."
Uh-huh.
Um, I got
the exact same note.
Dana gave it to me after class.
Wait a minute.
Dana gave me my note, too.
someone's trying to make us
the butt of their joke?
Yeah, and Barky
is the butt master.
Oh, this really ticks me off.
I can't believe
we fell for this!
Yeah, well,
like they say, Rich...
Don't get mad, we get even.
Mmm, I like the way
you think, buddy.
Between the two of us,
we've got one brain.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ I ain't slowing down
for no one
Woo!
♪ Oh, can't you see
I'm here to stay? ♪
Carol, isn't this place
righteous?
Yeah, totally ragin'.
Oh, my God.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, coming through.
Oh-ho-ho, excuse me,
whoa, whoa, excuse me.
Excuse me, thank you.
I love your hair, Carol,
it's like...
So filthy.
Yeah, well, it took four hours
to get it this way.
[LAUGHING]
I think there's something
wrong with the speakers,
they sound blown out!
It's a big hit,
it's called Train Wreck.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Hank Williams.
Don't you listen
to anyone a little younger?
Hank Williams, Jr.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
He's so funny.
Oh, they're playing
Nails On A Chalkboard.
I love this song!
What's crunch dancing?
Come on, we'll show you.
You just kinda stretch...
Just crunch.
Hey, hey, hey, listen.
You wanna fight?
We can take it outside, pal.
He's not fighting, Frank, he
just wants to crunch with you.
Hey, little man!
You're starting to tick me off.
Fun? I think these people
are rioting here...
Oh, come on, Frank!
Just go with the flow.
[SCREAMING]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Ooh, ow, oh-oh,
oh, my back, ow.
New dance!
[GROANING]
Here we go.
Thanks.
It's too bad you guys
have to call it a night.
It's only 3:00 a.m.
Yeah, sorry I'm so beat.
I just over-crunched
at the club.
Bummer.
down at Sheboygan.
It's called Hell.
Well, I'll tell you what.
Why don't the two of you
just go to Hell without us?
Okay, cool.
Well, I'd walk you to the door
but I'm getting
kinda cramped up.
So, bye.
Well, then I guess we'll just
see you in class nest week.
BOTH: Bye.
CAROL:
Bye.
[GROANS]
Well... I thought
that was an interesting evening.
[SIGHS]
Carol, I was punched,
I was kicked,
and some freak bit me
on the ankle
and asked me out
for cappuccino.
Well, okay,
I guess it was a little strange.
But I just don't want Lilly
growing up
thinking her parents
are a couple of boring geezers.
[SIGHS]
Carol.
we're a couple
of boring old geezers.
Mick Jagger's kids think
he's a boring old geezer.
Yeah, I guess we should
just be who we are, huh?
Yeah.
My 18 hour bra gave up
on me three hours ago.
J.T.: I'm sick of you, peewee!
RICH: Don't call me "peewee!"
I'll call you whatever I want,
you traitor.
What's the problem, guys?
Uh, yes, why don't you tell
this big goon
to stay away from Brandi?
Oh, yeah, right.
want with a dipstick like you?
Guys, whatever happened
to "Buds are thicker
than babes?"
Well,
that was before I found out
J.T was such
a low life scuzzbucket.
If you'll excuse me,
I'm outta here.
Don't you leave!
Get back over here!
[LAUGHS]
Take it back!
No way, scuzzbucket!
Oh, you're gonna
pay for that, pal.
Ow! That hurt!
J.T.:
Oh, you think that hurt?
Well, wait till you feel this.
No-no, J.T.,
put down the shovel, man.
Now, come on, you're scarin' me.
No! No!
[SCREAMING]
[RATTLING]
Rich! Rich! Wake up!
Wake up, man! Rich, oh, God!
Dana, you gotta help me!
What did you do?
and I lost my mind and...
and now he's not breathing.
We gotta do something.
Do you know CPR?
Well, yeah, of course.
Go help him, I'll call 911.
DANA: Oh, my God.
Yes.
Well, he's got a heartbeat.
Rich, come on.
Come on, breathe for me.
Breathe, come on, Rich.
The paramedics
are on their way.
He's got a pulse,
but he's not breathing.
Oh, God, we're losing him.
Oh, Dana, Dana, uh,
do something!
Uh, give him, mouth to mouth.
Hurry, hurry.
Right, right, okay. Okay.
J.T., I'm so sorry,
this is all my fault.
Uh, okay, just don't talk,
just keep breathing!
Keep breathing!
Shut up, don't talk, save him,
save my little buddy!
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
I am alive!
Dana, you did it,
it's a miracle.
You brought my buddy back!
[LAUGHS]
And I got it all on film.
DANA:
You!
You're despicable!
Don't forget brilliant.
That's right, Dana, you know,
you are one hot little kisser.
I bet you could bring lots
of guys back to life.
Where are you goin'?
Inside, to boil my lips!
She likes me.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, you guys know
where I could find some matches?
Oh, um, try the drawer
right there.
Oh, right on.
What do you need 'em for?
National Demolition Workers Day.
[LAUGHING]
Yeah, man, you know...
who serve mankind
by wrappin' the yellow tape
around condemned buildings
and then blowing them
to kingdom come.
[LAUGHS]
Talk about
your explosive ideas.
[LAUGHS]
I love it.
Nah.
[COUGHS]
Ho-ho-ho. Yeah.
That worked great.
[LAUGHS]
I came up with a product.
It's gonna full-on make me
a millionaire, okay?
Heh. It's totally original
and unique, all right?
It's gonna blow you away.
I call it "greeting cards."
Huh?
I don't think
you're the first one
out of the chute with that idea.
Oh, yeah, right. Well, sure.
Hah. But what about
all those other holidays
that other people don't give
a hoot about, right?
Dig it, that's where
my greeting cards come in.
[LAUGHS]
Ooh!
[CHUCKLING]
Cody, this is a hamburger.
Ah-ha! Correction, little cuz.
That's a greeting card
for National Fast Food Workers
Appreciation Day.
[CHUCKLES] Look at
the beef patty, man.
I carved in
a little inscription.
[LAUGHS]
"Roses are red,
violets are black.
"Thanks for washing your hands
"before you make my Big Mac."
That's it.
[SCREAMING]
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
MAN:
♪ The dream got broken
♪ Seemed like all was lost
♪ What would be the future?
♪ Could you pay the cost?
♪ You wonder
♪ Will there ever be
♪ A second time around?
WOMAN:
♪ Woah-a, woah-a
♪ When the tears are over
♪ And the moment has come
♪ Say, "My Lord
I think I found someone"
♪ You know it will be better
♪ 'Cause you're
putting it together
♪ For the second time around
ALL:
♪ Step by step, day by day
WOMAN:
♪ Day by day
♪ A different hand to play
♪ The deeper we fall
♪ The stronger we stay
WOMAN:
♪ We'll make it better
MAN:
♪ Second time around ♪
Well, Frank,
if I'd known
all these couples are...
I mean, really, we look old
enough to be their parents.
Oh, come on, honey,
we are not that old, okay?
-Mrs. Lambert?
-Mmm-hmm.
Hi, I'm Patti Richardson.
I was in Buttercup Girls
with Dana.
You were my den mother.
[LAUGHS]
Well...
Well, boy, look at you.
[LAUGHS]
All grown up.
And with a baby.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
-Frank.
-Huh, what?
Uh, this is Patti Richardson.
She was in Buttercups
with Dana.
Hi, nice to meet you.
And this is my husband, Skippy.
Skippy.
And this is our son,
Skippy Junior.
Oh, this must be
Dana's little cutie pie.
Well, actually,
she's our little cutie pie.
You two had a baby?
No way!
Well, luckily,
Medicare paid for it.
You know, I saw
a Sally Jessy
about this.
I think it was called
"Women Who Have Babies
In Their Twilight Years."
[LAUGHS]
Isn't that nice?
Okay, everybody,
welcome to family playtime.
The first thing I want to do
is have everybody give
Mr. Playtime a great big kiss.
Well, hello, Mr. Playtime.
Oh.
Frank, I think
she means the children.
Oh, I'm sorry,
it is my first time.
Don't worry about it,
we're just glad you're here.
It's always nice
to meet the grandparents.
Actually, we're the parents.
[BABIES COOING]
Oh! Well...
Okay, let's move along to our
first family playtime activity,
horsey races.
And mommies, you hold
the babies in the saddle.
[IMITATING NEIGHING]
-[SNAPS]
-Oh... Ah, geez, my back!
[GRUNTING]
Woo!
Ah, yes, two more graduates
of the Ace Ventura Charm School.
[LAUGHING]
All righty, then.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Darn it all to heck!
Whoa!
Stand back, everybody.
Snow White's having a meltdown.
I'm sorry you had to witness
that outburst of foul language.
But I'm so ticked off
at Tiffany Fisher.
Isn't Tiffany Fisher
one of your best friends?
She knew
that I had my heart set
She got him
to ask her instead.
Darn.
Darn, double darn!
You know, chicks are always
back-stabbin' each other.
Another example of how
men are superior to women.
Mmm-hmm.
Another pearl of wisdom
from Spud the talking potato.
Look, all I'm saying is,
guys would never
trash a friendship
over some stupid chick.
Exactly, J.T.,
buds are thicker than babes.
Yeah.
Yeah, right,
all some girl would have to do
is come in here
and bat her eyelashes
and the two of you would be
at each other's throats.
[SCOFFING]
There is no girl
who could ever
come between me
and my buddy Rich.
Right on, J.T.
You're beautiful, man.
I love you, buddy.
Come on, man,
let's go watch some tube.
Ooh! Bikini Carwash.
Maybe we'll see some
nifty headlights.
Can you believe those jerks?
God, I would love
to blow a hole in their
stupid "Buds are thicker
than babes" theory.
I've got an idea.
What is it?
No, no, we couldn't.
It's too mean, it's cruel.
J.T. and Rich
would be humiliated.
Let's do it.
Hey, Uncle Frank, dude.
[CHUCKLES]
Check it out, man.
I got a new greeting card.
It's for National B.O. Day, huh?
[LAUGHS]
Cody,
this is a can of deodorant.
Well, yeah, dude,
take off the cap.
Look inside, bro.
It's gonna blow you away.
"Roses are red.
"Carnations are pink.
"I love you, man,
but, dude, you stink."
I'll take two.
I got a couple of French guys
working in my crew.
[CHUCKLING] All right.
All right,
double stinker
for Uncle Frank.
Frank.
You know, the ones
from our playtime class.
And they want us to get together
with them Saturday night.
Kenny and Bonnie,
which ones are they?
has the bad back just like you.
Anyway, they want us
to go to the Cobra Pit.
Cobra pit,
What's a cobra pit?
Oh, Uncle Frank, man,
it's like the coolest
new grunge rock club
in town, man.
Hey, besides, hey,
you get a chance to see
People Puking Their Guts Out.
[LAUGHS]
Why would I wanna see that?
'Cause that's
the name of the band.
People Puking Their Guts Out.
They're like the coolest new
grunge rock band around,
man, heh.
Hey, a word to the wise,
old man.
You don't wanna sit
in the front row
unless you're wearing a poncho.
[LAUGHING]
Well, I know
it's not our kind of place
I just don't want
our daughter growing up
thinking her parents are
a couple of old fuddy-duddies.
Hey, hey, hey,
I am not a fuddy-duddy.
All right, okay, what
is Hootie & the Blowfish?
It is what's
on Discovery Channel
after Shark Week.
[IMITATES BUZZER]
Fuddy-duddy.
[LAUGHS]
Frank, Hootie & the Blowfish
just happens to be
the biggest, hippest rock band
in the country.
And you would know that
if you watch MTV
like I did this morning.
Okay, I'll go.
Okay, I'll call.
-Hey, Cody.
-Dude.
Oh, bro, just wear
what you're wearin' now.
But, two minor adjustments
I would make...
Rip that down here and...
Yeah, you're cool. Hey.
Put a little spit in you hair,
you'll be stylin'.
Oh, come on, Uncle Frank.
The chicks will be all over you.
Are you eating candy
in here or something?
It smells like fruit.
Oh, no, man,
those are Lilly's pacifiers.
They're pretty good,
they come in fruit flavors.
Are you out of your mind?
No, they're really good, here.
Check it out,
this one's strawberry.
Knock yourself out, man.
Oh, good,
the boys are up from their naps.
Uh, we were just testing, uh,
Lilly's pacifiers.
You know, uh,
safety reasons. Right?
Yeah.
Wow.
Dana, you didn't tell me
this is where all
the cute guys hang out.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're just infested with them.
Uh, this is J.T., my stepbrother
and his wacky sidekick,
Rich Halke.
Hi, I'm Brandi.
Brandi, ha-ha,
that rhymes with handy.
And candy.
Huh, that too.
And Rich Halke.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
The sweater's all mine.
Pleasure's all mine.
The sweater's a pleasure.
It's a pleasure-sweater.
Um...
Brandi, why don't you
have a seat
[SIGHS]
[SCREAMS]
So, uh...
[WITH ROLLED R] Brandi.
Uh, into astronomy, huh?
Yeah, me too.
I'm a Virgo.
That's astrology, you moron.
Astronomy is the study
of the astronauts.
[SCOFFING]
You know, I'm kind of thirsty.
Is there any chance I can get
something cool to drink?
BOTH: I'll get it.
You're not gettin' nothing,
it's my house!
I'll get the glass.
Don't call me peewee,
I hate it when you call me that!
[CHUCKLES]
Wow, you were right,
they fell for it.
Of course, they fell for it,
are you kidding?
Those morons would have to study
all night to pass a urine test.
[BUBBLING]
Hey, J.T.
Don't ask me why,
but for some reason
Brandi Hartman has not
stopped talking about you.
Really?
Go figure.
Oh.
"J.T., I want you.
Call me. Hurry. Brandi."
Oh, God, I gotta call her!
[LAUGHS]
Yup, J.T. Lambert's
about to step
into the big leagues
of love, ha!
Oh-ho-ho, you're about
to step into it, all right.
Hello, Brandi.
Well, look, what do
you say we go out tonight?
You can't? Why not?
Rich Halke?
Well, he's lying.
I don't have any secrets.
I am too anatomically
correct.
Well...
Then there's a few things
you need to know
before you go out with Rich.
Well, yeah, for starters
Yeah, oh, it's bad--
Get off the phone!
Hey, he's lying,
he's just jealous.
You know how guys get
about that...
So what?
He wears his mom's underpants.
I'll call you back.
You slime ball!
Where'd you get off
telling Brandi
I dress in my mom's panties?
Hey, you told her I don't
have all my guy parts, man.
You stink!
-Me?
-Yeah, man.
I finally find a chick
who's got the hots for me
and you go behind my back
and try to screw it up.
Hots for you?
Brandi's got the hots for me.
-Oh, yeah?
-Yes!
"J.T., I want you.
Call me. Hurry."
Uh-huh.
Um, I got
the exact same note.
Dana gave it to me after class.
Wait a minute.
Dana gave me my note, too.
someone's trying to make us
the butt of their joke?
Yeah, and Barky
is the butt master.
Oh, this really ticks me off.
I can't believe
we fell for this!
Yeah, well,
like they say, Rich...
Don't get mad, we get even.
Mmm, I like the way
you think, buddy.
Between the two of us,
we've got one brain.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ I ain't slowing down
for no one
Woo!
♪ Oh, can't you see
I'm here to stay? ♪
Carol, isn't this place
righteous?
Yeah, totally ragin'.
Oh, my God.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, coming through.
Oh-ho-ho, excuse me,
whoa, whoa, excuse me.
Excuse me, thank you.
I love your hair, Carol,
it's like...
So filthy.
Yeah, well, it took four hours
to get it this way.
[LAUGHING]
I think there's something
wrong with the speakers,
they sound blown out!
It's a big hit,
it's called Train Wreck.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Hank Williams.
Don't you listen
to anyone a little younger?
Hank Williams, Jr.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
He's so funny.
Oh, they're playing
Nails On A Chalkboard.
I love this song!
What's crunch dancing?
Come on, we'll show you.
You just kinda stretch...
Just crunch.
Hey, hey, hey, listen.
You wanna fight?
We can take it outside, pal.
He's not fighting, Frank, he
just wants to crunch with you.
Hey, little man!
You're starting to tick me off.
Fun? I think these people
are rioting here...
Oh, come on, Frank!
Just go with the flow.
[SCREAMING]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Ooh, ow, oh-oh,
oh, my back, ow.
New dance!
[GROANING]
Here we go.
Thanks.
It's too bad you guys
have to call it a night.
It's only 3:00 a.m.
Yeah, sorry I'm so beat.
I just over-crunched
at the club.
Bummer.
down at Sheboygan.
It's called Hell.
Well, I'll tell you what.
Why don't the two of you
just go to Hell without us?
Okay, cool.
Well, I'd walk you to the door
but I'm getting
kinda cramped up.
So, bye.
Well, then I guess we'll just
see you in class nest week.
BOTH: Bye.
CAROL:
Bye.
[GROANS]
Well... I thought
that was an interesting evening.
[SIGHS]
Carol, I was punched,
I was kicked,
and some freak bit me
on the ankle
and asked me out
for cappuccino.
Well, okay,
I guess it was a little strange.
But I just don't want Lilly
growing up
thinking her parents
are a couple of boring geezers.
[SIGHS]
Carol.
we're a couple
of boring old geezers.
Mick Jagger's kids think
he's a boring old geezer.
Yeah, I guess we should
just be who we are, huh?
Yeah.
My 18 hour bra gave up
on me three hours ago.
J.T.: I'm sick of you, peewee!
RICH: Don't call me "peewee!"
I'll call you whatever I want,
you traitor.
What's the problem, guys?
Uh, yes, why don't you tell
this big goon
to stay away from Brandi?
Oh, yeah, right.
want with a dipstick like you?
Guys, whatever happened
to "Buds are thicker
than babes?"
Well,
that was before I found out
J.T was such
a low life scuzzbucket.
If you'll excuse me,
I'm outta here.
Don't you leave!
Get back over here!
[LAUGHS]
Take it back!
No way, scuzzbucket!
Oh, you're gonna
pay for that, pal.
Ow! That hurt!
J.T.:
Oh, you think that hurt?
Well, wait till you feel this.
No-no, J.T.,
put down the shovel, man.
Now, come on, you're scarin' me.
No! No!
[SCREAMING]
[RATTLING]
Rich! Rich! Wake up!
Wake up, man! Rich, oh, God!
Dana, you gotta help me!
What did you do?
and I lost my mind and...
and now he's not breathing.
We gotta do something.
Do you know CPR?
Well, yeah, of course.
Go help him, I'll call 911.
DANA: Oh, my God.
Yes.
Well, he's got a heartbeat.
Rich, come on.
Come on, breathe for me.
Breathe, come on, Rich.
The paramedics
are on their way.
He's got a pulse,
but he's not breathing.
Oh, God, we're losing him.
Oh, Dana, Dana, uh,
do something!
Uh, give him, mouth to mouth.
Hurry, hurry.
Right, right, okay. Okay.
J.T., I'm so sorry,
this is all my fault.
Uh, okay, just don't talk,
just keep breathing!
Keep breathing!
Shut up, don't talk, save him,
save my little buddy!
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
I am alive!
Dana, you did it,
it's a miracle.
You brought my buddy back!
[LAUGHS]
And I got it all on film.
DANA:
You!
You're despicable!
Don't forget brilliant.
That's right, Dana, you know,
you are one hot little kisser.
I bet you could bring lots
of guys back to life.
Where are you goin'?
Inside, to boil my lips!
She likes me.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, you guys know
where I could find some matches?
Oh, um, try the drawer
right there.
Oh, right on.
What do you need 'em for?
National Demolition Workers Day.
[LAUGHING]
Yeah, man, you know...
who serve mankind
by wrappin' the yellow tape
around condemned buildings
and then blowing them
to kingdom come.
[LAUGHS]
Talk about
your explosive ideas.
[LAUGHS]
I love it.
Nah.
[COUGHS]
Ho-ho-ho. Yeah.
That worked great.
[LAUGHS]