State of the Union (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - Facetime TV - full transcript
One mocha.
That's gonna be 3.90.
Thank you.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- What would you like?
- Just my tea, please.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
- Something happened?
- Nope.
That will be 3 dollars and 25 cents.
Okay. We usually
pay afterwards.
Sure.
- Did I do something wrong?
- No.
No.
I guess I'm a little surprised
and kind of disappointed.
Why?
Scott mentioned that you might
have started to see someone.
First of all, that's not true.
I told him there was someone
I'd met who I was curious about.
So ask him a question.
Curious?
You must have known
how'd he hear that.
Can I ask how and when Scott
became your new best friend?
- We made our peace.
- From that one little apology?
Nope. He came back
to apologize again the next day,
and I gave it him with
both barrels and he took it.
Then we became fisher people
for the afternoon,
and it was fun.
Now he comes in most days and we talk
and he sits and reads his paper.
So that's where
your loyalties lie?
I just think that you've kept this
information back from him for too long.
You've been doing this
for a couple months,
and only now does he learn
about your curiosity.
I didn't even know
I was curious when I started.
It's a guy
at the meetings I go to.
It's hard
to get to know people there
because nobody ever speaks.
This is the Quakers?
Yes, the Quakers.
So he sat there
for like, six weeks,
then said something
about a meadow, and that's it,
you want to fuck him?
This is a... this is
a caricature of the truth.
And by the way,
I'm disappointed in your lack
of spiritual tolerance.
What?
My spiritual tolerance?
First it was the fishing,
then the veganism,
non-dairy and then this?
You've got me all wrong.
Just because I'm trans doesn't
mean I'll buy into any old bullshit.
Hey, Scott.
- What's wrong with her?
- I had some words.
Okay.
Thanks, pal.
- What would you like?
- How's the Burundi?
Smooth. Fruity.
And it's a Cup
of Excellence winner.
We try to get behind
any initiative
to support
local African communities.
Where you lead, I follow.
You told Jay?
Told him what?
Christ, Scott,
you stupid old man.
Told them what?
You know,
the possible new sofa.
Him?
- Yes.
- Why?
It was on my mind.
You tell Jay everything
that's on your mind?
Yeah, now I do.
I didn't used to.
I thought
you found Jay unsettling.
Well, I kind of got over it.
You can't stay
unsettled forever.
- Jay is what they is.
- Right on.
This is what
I've been trying to tell you.
And I listened
and I thought about it.
And in the meantime,
I came to enjoy Jay's company.
Here's the thing.
I am not pro or anti every single
person in a group, you are.
What on Earth
would make you say that?
If someone is gay
or trans or whatever,
you like them automatically.
I'm moved by their struggle.
Fine, but it's perfectly possible
to have had a moving struggle
and be an asshole
all at the same time.
Well, maybe they're an asshole
because of the struggle.
So why isn't Jay an asshole?
Why is Jay an interesting,
warm and funny person?
Maybe Jay's struggle
was easier.
Okay, so because Jay is nice,
you don't like them so much.
This is bullshit.
I see your game.
- What's my game?
- "I'm pals with Jay."
"We go fishing.
I'm a changed man."
You're looking at this
like a sport.
Like there are tactics.
You block me all the time.
Okay. So first of all,
if my team is blocking,
I have the ball.
Did you know that?
Of course I do.
And I really don't,
really don't have the ball.
You have the ball.
You're the one who's blocking.
You've had the ball
since we started this.
Well, try and take it from me.
Is that what you want?
What would you do with it?
I'd run off the field with it,
take it home and show my dad.
Really? That's so sweet.
No, not really.
I would try to score a touchdown.
But it would be
completely pointless
because there's like,
six seconds to go,
and I am 50 points down.
You knew why
we were coming to see Cindy.
I was trying to get you
to come to terms with the idea
that we would probably split.
Well, the probably
gave me something to play for.
Let's stop with the playing.
But before we do,
you misunderstood the game.
That would not surprise me.
I actually wanted you
on my team.
I didn't want you
running at me.
I didn't want you
trying to get past me.
I wanted us to share a goal.
- The goal of divorce?
- Yes.
See, I didn't like that goal.
Well, that's all there
is to play for.
So let's try to play together
and play nice.
I don't wanna get divorced
because of the new sofa.
It's not about that.
You know that, don't you?
I think so.
Is there anything you'll miss?
Scott, of course.
Well, I'm glad
to hear that much at least.
I'll miss so much.
Like what?
You know, the... Just...
You know, the day to day.
Talking about the kids
and watching TV.
Yeah.
But we'll still
talk about the kids.
Yes, of course.
We'll still watch TV.
Just not together.
We could do that thing where you get
the other person on FaceTime,
watch it together.
That's a thing?
Matt and Suzy Rigby did it with
their son and daughter-in-law.
They watched that Netflix thing
on chess as a family.
Great.
But I'm not gonna FaceTime you
and then sit there
watching programs about
Chickamauga and Chattanooga
and what Stonewall Jackson
did wrong for the seventh time.
The Confederates won
in Chickamauga
and Jackson wasn't
anywhere near the place,
so maybe you do need
to see it again.
I don't think you're advancing
the cause of FaceTime TV very far.
I can see that. I'm sorry.
What could we watch together?
That's better. A step forward.
'Cause I could give you a list of things
that I won't be sitting through.
And that's not so good.
A step back.
We'll find something.
Let's not get
bogged down in that.
What about sex?
I don't think so.
That wouldn't be moving on.
No, I meant...
Will you miss it?
With me, I mean.
Of course.
Honestly?
I think we should keep the honesty
for upstairs where it's safer.
Well, that doesn't sound great.
Yeah, I'm not sure
there's much point
in making things
sound good at this point.
I think it's just something
you're supposed to say.
What?
That there wasn't anything wrong
with the sex and you'll miss it.
Just, you know,
an olive branch.
There wasn't anything wrong
with the sex and I'll miss it.
- Too late.
- Sorry.
But there wasn't
anything wrong with sex.
No.
I mean, less frequent than it used
to be, but that happens.
And there were some things
you've never liked doing.
What?
You know, there were some things
you've never liked doing.
There's nothing I didn't like.
You didn't like it.
- Me?
- Yes. You stopped me.
I stopped you
on one occasion because...
Anyway.
Misunderstanding.
And now we're getting divorced.
Not because of that.
- How do we know?
- There are a million things wrong.
Maybe that was
at the root of them all.
Scott, we've talked about
all the things that are wrong.
Maybe if we cleared
that up years ago,
you wouldn't have had
to start quaking.
We should go.
And once again,
there's no quaking involved.
Paradoxically.
Can we talk about this?
Not the Quakers, not quaking.
- The other thing.
- Sure.
Might be the key
to everything.
It's not, I promise.
We'll let the expert decide.
You really wanna talk
about sex for an hour?
- Absolutely.
- Wow.
You've changed.
This is what
I've been trying to tell you.
That's gonna be 3.90.
Thank you.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- What would you like?
- Just my tea, please.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
- Something happened?
- Nope.
That will be 3 dollars and 25 cents.
Okay. We usually
pay afterwards.
Sure.
- Did I do something wrong?
- No.
No.
I guess I'm a little surprised
and kind of disappointed.
Why?
Scott mentioned that you might
have started to see someone.
First of all, that's not true.
I told him there was someone
I'd met who I was curious about.
So ask him a question.
Curious?
You must have known
how'd he hear that.
Can I ask how and when Scott
became your new best friend?
- We made our peace.
- From that one little apology?
Nope. He came back
to apologize again the next day,
and I gave it him with
both barrels and he took it.
Then we became fisher people
for the afternoon,
and it was fun.
Now he comes in most days and we talk
and he sits and reads his paper.
So that's where
your loyalties lie?
I just think that you've kept this
information back from him for too long.
You've been doing this
for a couple months,
and only now does he learn
about your curiosity.
I didn't even know
I was curious when I started.
It's a guy
at the meetings I go to.
It's hard
to get to know people there
because nobody ever speaks.
This is the Quakers?
Yes, the Quakers.
So he sat there
for like, six weeks,
then said something
about a meadow, and that's it,
you want to fuck him?
This is a... this is
a caricature of the truth.
And by the way,
I'm disappointed in your lack
of spiritual tolerance.
What?
My spiritual tolerance?
First it was the fishing,
then the veganism,
non-dairy and then this?
You've got me all wrong.
Just because I'm trans doesn't
mean I'll buy into any old bullshit.
Hey, Scott.
- What's wrong with her?
- I had some words.
Okay.
Thanks, pal.
- What would you like?
- How's the Burundi?
Smooth. Fruity.
And it's a Cup
of Excellence winner.
We try to get behind
any initiative
to support
local African communities.
Where you lead, I follow.
You told Jay?
Told him what?
Christ, Scott,
you stupid old man.
Told them what?
You know,
the possible new sofa.
Him?
- Yes.
- Why?
It was on my mind.
You tell Jay everything
that's on your mind?
Yeah, now I do.
I didn't used to.
I thought
you found Jay unsettling.
Well, I kind of got over it.
You can't stay
unsettled forever.
- Jay is what they is.
- Right on.
This is what
I've been trying to tell you.
And I listened
and I thought about it.
And in the meantime,
I came to enjoy Jay's company.
Here's the thing.
I am not pro or anti every single
person in a group, you are.
What on Earth
would make you say that?
If someone is gay
or trans or whatever,
you like them automatically.
I'm moved by their struggle.
Fine, but it's perfectly possible
to have had a moving struggle
and be an asshole
all at the same time.
Well, maybe they're an asshole
because of the struggle.
So why isn't Jay an asshole?
Why is Jay an interesting,
warm and funny person?
Maybe Jay's struggle
was easier.
Okay, so because Jay is nice,
you don't like them so much.
This is bullshit.
I see your game.
- What's my game?
- "I'm pals with Jay."
"We go fishing.
I'm a changed man."
You're looking at this
like a sport.
Like there are tactics.
You block me all the time.
Okay. So first of all,
if my team is blocking,
I have the ball.
Did you know that?
Of course I do.
And I really don't,
really don't have the ball.
You have the ball.
You're the one who's blocking.
You've had the ball
since we started this.
Well, try and take it from me.
Is that what you want?
What would you do with it?
I'd run off the field with it,
take it home and show my dad.
Really? That's so sweet.
No, not really.
I would try to score a touchdown.
But it would be
completely pointless
because there's like,
six seconds to go,
and I am 50 points down.
You knew why
we were coming to see Cindy.
I was trying to get you
to come to terms with the idea
that we would probably split.
Well, the probably
gave me something to play for.
Let's stop with the playing.
But before we do,
you misunderstood the game.
That would not surprise me.
I actually wanted you
on my team.
I didn't want you
running at me.
I didn't want you
trying to get past me.
I wanted us to share a goal.
- The goal of divorce?
- Yes.
See, I didn't like that goal.
Well, that's all there
is to play for.
So let's try to play together
and play nice.
I don't wanna get divorced
because of the new sofa.
It's not about that.
You know that, don't you?
I think so.
Is there anything you'll miss?
Scott, of course.
Well, I'm glad
to hear that much at least.
I'll miss so much.
Like what?
You know, the... Just...
You know, the day to day.
Talking about the kids
and watching TV.
Yeah.
But we'll still
talk about the kids.
Yes, of course.
We'll still watch TV.
Just not together.
We could do that thing where you get
the other person on FaceTime,
watch it together.
That's a thing?
Matt and Suzy Rigby did it with
their son and daughter-in-law.
They watched that Netflix thing
on chess as a family.
Great.
But I'm not gonna FaceTime you
and then sit there
watching programs about
Chickamauga and Chattanooga
and what Stonewall Jackson
did wrong for the seventh time.
The Confederates won
in Chickamauga
and Jackson wasn't
anywhere near the place,
so maybe you do need
to see it again.
I don't think you're advancing
the cause of FaceTime TV very far.
I can see that. I'm sorry.
What could we watch together?
That's better. A step forward.
'Cause I could give you a list of things
that I won't be sitting through.
And that's not so good.
A step back.
We'll find something.
Let's not get
bogged down in that.
What about sex?
I don't think so.
That wouldn't be moving on.
No, I meant...
Will you miss it?
With me, I mean.
Of course.
Honestly?
I think we should keep the honesty
for upstairs where it's safer.
Well, that doesn't sound great.
Yeah, I'm not sure
there's much point
in making things
sound good at this point.
I think it's just something
you're supposed to say.
What?
That there wasn't anything wrong
with the sex and you'll miss it.
Just, you know,
an olive branch.
There wasn't anything wrong
with the sex and I'll miss it.
- Too late.
- Sorry.
But there wasn't
anything wrong with sex.
No.
I mean, less frequent than it used
to be, but that happens.
And there were some things
you've never liked doing.
What?
You know, there were some things
you've never liked doing.
There's nothing I didn't like.
You didn't like it.
- Me?
- Yes. You stopped me.
I stopped you
on one occasion because...
Anyway.
Misunderstanding.
And now we're getting divorced.
Not because of that.
- How do we know?
- There are a million things wrong.
Maybe that was
at the root of them all.
Scott, we've talked about
all the things that are wrong.
Maybe if we cleared
that up years ago,
you wouldn't have had
to start quaking.
We should go.
And once again,
there's no quaking involved.
Paradoxically.
Can we talk about this?
Not the Quakers, not quaking.
- The other thing.
- Sure.
Might be the key
to everything.
It's not, I promise.
We'll let the expert decide.
You really wanna talk
about sex for an hour?
- Absolutely.
- Wow.
You've changed.
This is what
I've been trying to tell you.