State of the Union (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Road Most Travelled - full transcript
- Hey.
- Jay.
Why are you looking up there?
- Trying to shake things up a bit.
- Why?
Because people
keep telling me I should.
What's the Peruvian
special blend like?
I like it but some people find
the top notes a little overpowering.
- What are they?
- Kind of rustic.
Rustic, like cow shit?
No. Who's telling you need
to shake things up? Ellen?
Yeah, and I will.
But I need to know if this coffee
tastes like cow shit before I order.
No, I mean...
I guess cow shit is a part of
the rustic olfactory experience.
So it does or it doesn't?
The top note is not cow shit,
of course.
The top note is rusticity.
But I guess if you would
take apart the smell of it,
like a farm in Vermont
or somewhere,
cow shit would be
one of those things.
How could it smell like a farm
in Vermont if it's Peruvian?
I've never smelt
a Peruvian farm before.
I was trying to analogize.
Do you think it might smell
like a Peruvian farm?
That would be pretty overwhelmingly
cow shitty, I would've thought.
The coffee doesn't
smell a cow shit, okay?
You're walking by a river near a farm.
A Peruvian farm, but not a really,
really Peruvian one.
- No goats?
- No goats.
You smell the water
and some fauna, and some flora,
and exotic herbs in a little tiny puff
of something more agricultural.
Sold.
So, Ellen wants you
to be more surprising.
- Not just Ellen.
- Who else? Your kids?
I decided to see
a personal therapist.
- First time in my life.
- You did?
That's great.
- Why is it?
- I think everyone should go.
No offense, Jay,
but you must have a whole ton
of troubles, what with the...
I could see
why you would need to go.
But I never saw it for me.
I'm sure you didn't.
So why do it?
- Well, you were a part of it actually.
- Me?
- I sent you to therapy?
- Not directly.
It's a combination
of a whole lot of things,
all of them connected
to my straightness,
my perceived lack of any
interesting kinks in my psyche.
So your lack of need for
therapy drove you to therapy?
- And any interesting kinks?
- Yeah.
By the end of 15 minutes,
I was beginning to feel
like I had more mental problems
than any human on the planet.
- You're kidding me?
- You knew?
And before I go
and talk to my wife,
I want to apologize
for any inappropriate curiosity
over the last few weeks.
Did you just say that
because I walked in?
Yes, I wanted you to hear it.
I talked about Jay
in my session yesterday.
- Good.
- "Good"? Are you kidding me?
I don't want to be the focus of his
weird heteronormative obsessions.
That's exactly what he should
be talking about there.
Absurd, creepy
and inappropriate.
Maybe Jay should be
the judge of that.
No offense, Scott, they're absurd,
creepy and inappropriate.
- Okay.
- Is that an apology?
- It's as close as you'll get.
- I'll bring your tea over.
- I'm sorry. It's just I never...
- Just stop at "I'm sorry".
That was big.
Yeah, I guess it was.
Have you always gone to therapy?
- What?
- Now he asks.
Just making conversation.
Well, you never made
this conversation before.
All those years
of me seeing someone.
It's like when you have a baby,
you look around and you
recognize for the first time
people have babies
all the time.
Because you're in therapy you want
to talk about it with other people?
Sure. It's a new hobby.
Why wouldn't I show more interest?
- Therapy isn't like fishing.
- No, of course not.
What were you thinking of?
- The differences?
- Yeah.
The differences
between therapy and fishing?
Yeah. Apart from equipment.
Right. You're serious?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
The first one
at that front of my mind
is that therapy attempts to...
Well, it deals with
how you are as a person.
- Not a lot of hobbies do that.
- Yeah.
We're talking about the difference
between fishing and therapy.
Which one of you
is the fisher person?
I go out sometimes.
Deep sea. I have a boat.
- I've always wanted to do that.
- Come on.
Stop messing
with his head again.
- What?
- Fishing?
You're presuming I don't want to fish?
You're worse than him.
You're not vegan?
No, I'm just Jay.
I'm sorry.
It's just, you know,
the whole non-dairy...
I'm not the one who's non-dairy.
It's the customers.
Hey, you want to come
out some day?
On a boat? Sure.
Okay.
I never thought I'd be going out fishing
with someone who says "fisher person".
Can you handle it?
- I think I can.
- Great.
- This is good.
- I knew you'd like it.
You have a new pal.
Anyway, I stopped going
to therapy a while ago.
You stopped? Really?
Scott, do you ever think
about not asking a question?
Why shouldn't I ask a question?
When it makes you seem like
the least curious,
most self-absorbed
person in America?
I have a choice.
I could not ask the question
and remain inexcusably ignorant.
Or I got to ask the question
and come across as an asshole.
I'm interested.
So I'm taking the asshole route.
The road most traveled.
I'm gonna ignore that
and ask about your themes.
In therapy,
apart from our marriage?
Yeah, was there anything else?
Of course. My dad.
My work. My sister.
- You used to talk about your work?
- Sure.
When I quit the nonprofit
to be a mom, it killed me.
I mean, you knew
that much, at least.
So we talked a lot about
identity and frustration,
and that linked in
nicely with my dad,
who was work obsessed
and never home.
Interesting.
What now?
It's as interesting
as it's ever been.
Do you want me to ask you
about your themes?
Is that the point
of this conversation?
Only if you're interested.
I mean, I know
I'm right at the beginning,
but I can see that women
are going to be an issue.
Well, duh.
I don't do me like that,
I just mean...
Maybe I have some complicated
ideas about women.
So you're complicated
after all.
Well, can you be an uncomplicated
person with complicated ideas?
Like, Einstein.
Was he an uncomplicated person?
I don't really know.
First of all, I like how Einstein
is your first point of comparison.
Secondly, you have
brilliant theories about women,
ideas that will help explain
the feminine universe
or just fucked up attitudes
that need examining.
Let me answer for you.
You have fucked up attitudes
that need examining and eradicating.
Yeah, I'm sure you're right.
I thought you'd be pleased
I decided to do it.
I'm sorry. I am pleased.
But are you doing it for me?
I don't know.
Yeah, I guess. Yeah.
How does that work?
Because I can't just
go on being me.
Not if I want to
stay married to you.
That has become clear to me.
Why do you want to stay
married to me if that's the cost?
You're a good guy.
Solvent, funny. Still handsome.
There are lots of other women
out there for you.
People who would love to look
at the Normandy beaches.
I'm not being sarcastic.
Some women
like military history.
Of course they do.
Plus the Normandy thing...
They're still beaches
in France.
Why do you want a wife who
wants to bend you out of shape?
'Cause she's
the one I've got.
There has to be
a more compelling answer.
Everything is up in the air.
We have a chance to rebuild.
Live the lives we want.
I feel comfortable with you.
Is that enough for you?
I'd rather feel
comfortable with you
than uncomfortable
with someone else.
We're not couches.
What's wrong
in a comfortable couch?
They're not nothing,
they're hard to find.
Take a long time to wear in.
Jesus, Scott,
people sit on couches.
Nobody wants to be
sat on for 40 years
while you shout
at baseball on TV.
Okay, I'm talking about
the marriage, not the wife.
We have a comfortable marriage.
You want
an uncomfortable marriage?
You want to start
all over again?
Squirming around so your ass makes
the right shape in the cushion...
I just wonder somewhere out there
is a sofa with indentations
the exact sizes
of our asses.
You mean apart
from the one at home?
It would be so easy to settle back
into the one at home.
That's why this is so hard.
It's hard
because it would be easy.
I don't want easy.
I can't want easy.
And you didn't even notice I wasn't
sitting on the sofa at home much.
It will still remember your shape.
I think what I'm saying...
You're saying someone else might be
a better fit.
For you, too.
Yeah, I kind of see the theory,
but in practice... Man.
There isn't...
You haven't started trying
sofas out, have you yet?
No.
Not really.
"Not really"?
What does that mean?
I haven't bought a new sofa.
It's still in the store.
What does that mean?
We should go.
- Jay.
Why are you looking up there?
- Trying to shake things up a bit.
- Why?
Because people
keep telling me I should.
What's the Peruvian
special blend like?
I like it but some people find
the top notes a little overpowering.
- What are they?
- Kind of rustic.
Rustic, like cow shit?
No. Who's telling you need
to shake things up? Ellen?
Yeah, and I will.
But I need to know if this coffee
tastes like cow shit before I order.
No, I mean...
I guess cow shit is a part of
the rustic olfactory experience.
So it does or it doesn't?
The top note is not cow shit,
of course.
The top note is rusticity.
But I guess if you would
take apart the smell of it,
like a farm in Vermont
or somewhere,
cow shit would be
one of those things.
How could it smell like a farm
in Vermont if it's Peruvian?
I've never smelt
a Peruvian farm before.
I was trying to analogize.
Do you think it might smell
like a Peruvian farm?
That would be pretty overwhelmingly
cow shitty, I would've thought.
The coffee doesn't
smell a cow shit, okay?
You're walking by a river near a farm.
A Peruvian farm, but not a really,
really Peruvian one.
- No goats?
- No goats.
You smell the water
and some fauna, and some flora,
and exotic herbs in a little tiny puff
of something more agricultural.
Sold.
So, Ellen wants you
to be more surprising.
- Not just Ellen.
- Who else? Your kids?
I decided to see
a personal therapist.
- First time in my life.
- You did?
That's great.
- Why is it?
- I think everyone should go.
No offense, Jay,
but you must have a whole ton
of troubles, what with the...
I could see
why you would need to go.
But I never saw it for me.
I'm sure you didn't.
So why do it?
- Well, you were a part of it actually.
- Me?
- I sent you to therapy?
- Not directly.
It's a combination
of a whole lot of things,
all of them connected
to my straightness,
my perceived lack of any
interesting kinks in my psyche.
So your lack of need for
therapy drove you to therapy?
- And any interesting kinks?
- Yeah.
By the end of 15 minutes,
I was beginning to feel
like I had more mental problems
than any human on the planet.
- You're kidding me?
- You knew?
And before I go
and talk to my wife,
I want to apologize
for any inappropriate curiosity
over the last few weeks.
Did you just say that
because I walked in?
Yes, I wanted you to hear it.
I talked about Jay
in my session yesterday.
- Good.
- "Good"? Are you kidding me?
I don't want to be the focus of his
weird heteronormative obsessions.
That's exactly what he should
be talking about there.
Absurd, creepy
and inappropriate.
Maybe Jay should be
the judge of that.
No offense, Scott, they're absurd,
creepy and inappropriate.
- Okay.
- Is that an apology?
- It's as close as you'll get.
- I'll bring your tea over.
- I'm sorry. It's just I never...
- Just stop at "I'm sorry".
That was big.
Yeah, I guess it was.
Have you always gone to therapy?
- What?
- Now he asks.
Just making conversation.
Well, you never made
this conversation before.
All those years
of me seeing someone.
It's like when you have a baby,
you look around and you
recognize for the first time
people have babies
all the time.
Because you're in therapy you want
to talk about it with other people?
Sure. It's a new hobby.
Why wouldn't I show more interest?
- Therapy isn't like fishing.
- No, of course not.
What were you thinking of?
- The differences?
- Yeah.
The differences
between therapy and fishing?
Yeah. Apart from equipment.
Right. You're serious?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
The first one
at that front of my mind
is that therapy attempts to...
Well, it deals with
how you are as a person.
- Not a lot of hobbies do that.
- Yeah.
We're talking about the difference
between fishing and therapy.
Which one of you
is the fisher person?
I go out sometimes.
Deep sea. I have a boat.
- I've always wanted to do that.
- Come on.
Stop messing
with his head again.
- What?
- Fishing?
You're presuming I don't want to fish?
You're worse than him.
You're not vegan?
No, I'm just Jay.
I'm sorry.
It's just, you know,
the whole non-dairy...
I'm not the one who's non-dairy.
It's the customers.
Hey, you want to come
out some day?
On a boat? Sure.
Okay.
I never thought I'd be going out fishing
with someone who says "fisher person".
Can you handle it?
- I think I can.
- Great.
- This is good.
- I knew you'd like it.
You have a new pal.
Anyway, I stopped going
to therapy a while ago.
You stopped? Really?
Scott, do you ever think
about not asking a question?
Why shouldn't I ask a question?
When it makes you seem like
the least curious,
most self-absorbed
person in America?
I have a choice.
I could not ask the question
and remain inexcusably ignorant.
Or I got to ask the question
and come across as an asshole.
I'm interested.
So I'm taking the asshole route.
The road most traveled.
I'm gonna ignore that
and ask about your themes.
In therapy,
apart from our marriage?
Yeah, was there anything else?
Of course. My dad.
My work. My sister.
- You used to talk about your work?
- Sure.
When I quit the nonprofit
to be a mom, it killed me.
I mean, you knew
that much, at least.
So we talked a lot about
identity and frustration,
and that linked in
nicely with my dad,
who was work obsessed
and never home.
Interesting.
What now?
It's as interesting
as it's ever been.
Do you want me to ask you
about your themes?
Is that the point
of this conversation?
Only if you're interested.
I mean, I know
I'm right at the beginning,
but I can see that women
are going to be an issue.
Well, duh.
I don't do me like that,
I just mean...
Maybe I have some complicated
ideas about women.
So you're complicated
after all.
Well, can you be an uncomplicated
person with complicated ideas?
Like, Einstein.
Was he an uncomplicated person?
I don't really know.
First of all, I like how Einstein
is your first point of comparison.
Secondly, you have
brilliant theories about women,
ideas that will help explain
the feminine universe
or just fucked up attitudes
that need examining.
Let me answer for you.
You have fucked up attitudes
that need examining and eradicating.
Yeah, I'm sure you're right.
I thought you'd be pleased
I decided to do it.
I'm sorry. I am pleased.
But are you doing it for me?
I don't know.
Yeah, I guess. Yeah.
How does that work?
Because I can't just
go on being me.
Not if I want to
stay married to you.
That has become clear to me.
Why do you want to stay
married to me if that's the cost?
You're a good guy.
Solvent, funny. Still handsome.
There are lots of other women
out there for you.
People who would love to look
at the Normandy beaches.
I'm not being sarcastic.
Some women
like military history.
Of course they do.
Plus the Normandy thing...
They're still beaches
in France.
Why do you want a wife who
wants to bend you out of shape?
'Cause she's
the one I've got.
There has to be
a more compelling answer.
Everything is up in the air.
We have a chance to rebuild.
Live the lives we want.
I feel comfortable with you.
Is that enough for you?
I'd rather feel
comfortable with you
than uncomfortable
with someone else.
We're not couches.
What's wrong
in a comfortable couch?
They're not nothing,
they're hard to find.
Take a long time to wear in.
Jesus, Scott,
people sit on couches.
Nobody wants to be
sat on for 40 years
while you shout
at baseball on TV.
Okay, I'm talking about
the marriage, not the wife.
We have a comfortable marriage.
You want
an uncomfortable marriage?
You want to start
all over again?
Squirming around so your ass makes
the right shape in the cushion...
I just wonder somewhere out there
is a sofa with indentations
the exact sizes
of our asses.
You mean apart
from the one at home?
It would be so easy to settle back
into the one at home.
That's why this is so hard.
It's hard
because it would be easy.
I don't want easy.
I can't want easy.
And you didn't even notice I wasn't
sitting on the sofa at home much.
It will still remember your shape.
I think what I'm saying...
You're saying someone else might be
a better fit.
For you, too.
Yeah, I kind of see the theory,
but in practice... Man.
There isn't...
You haven't started trying
sofas out, have you yet?
No.
Not really.
"Not really"?
What does that mean?
I haven't bought a new sofa.
It's still in the store.
What does that mean?
We should go.