Starsky and Hutch (1975–1979): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Vampire - full transcript

When dancers are discovered strangled and with their necks punctured, Starsky and Hutch head out to put the bite on the blood-sucking freak behind the series of vampire-style slayings.

I love you, Maria.

I will always love you.

It'll work.

Our love will make it work.

I can feel it.

I'll bring you back
from death, Maria.

I promise.

I'll bring you back.

Together... we'll never die.

How do you like
this little gold mine

I gotta take care of until
my cousin Louie returns.

Very nice, Hug.

Yeah, he's got a big
stake in frog futures.

He had to leave for Venezuela
to check out his new frog ranch.

All this happened

after the IRS read
his latest tax returns.


Would you look at that.

Look at that.

Look at that.

Look at that.

What are you gonna do,

just stand there and stare?

Or you gonna go
over and talk to them?

Just like that?



On second thought... Mm-hmm?

Maybe I'd better take
control of this situation.


Well, I wouldn't
want you to lose

what little dignity
you might have left.

Watch the master at work.

Oh, ladies, excuse me.

This is, uh...

Starsky. David Starsky.

David Starsky.

Hello. Hiya.

This is Bobette. Barbette?


And this is Jane.

Hi, Jane.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You'll have to excuse my friend.

Uh, I guess I'm
a little nervous.

Oh? I think you're kind of foxy.

Yeah? Yeah.

Foxy, huh?

Hey, you know something?

The two of you look like twins.

Hey, excuse me. What?

Hey, Dobey's on the phone.

Wants to speak to one of you.

Says it's urgent.

Oh, no.

Heads or tails? What?

Heads or tails?


No, it's tails.

Tough break, foxy...


You guys come here a lot?

No, no. As a matter
of fact, we don't.



Captain, this is our night off.




We really don't have
too much time off.

Say, uh...

We work 12 to 14 hour shifts.

We gotta go.



Sorry, ladies.

Well, it was nice to meet you.

Hey, are you guys
really policemen?

Yep. Yep.

That's exciting.

Yeah? Yeah.

Let's go.

Uh, see ya.


Hey, hey, I didn't
get their number.

Hey, hey, hey. What?

Get both of them, will ya?

You got 'em, huh?

Did you write them down?

Tattooed on my brain.



Where have you two been?

Off duty.

You know, enjoying a
couple of slices of heaven,

piece of apple pie...

Any witnesses?

There never are
in cases like this.

What do we got?

Well, right now, not much.

Her name was Honey Williams,

and she was on her way home

from Slade's Cave,

where she worked as a dancer.

Slade's Cave?

That's right.

You the owner?




Your name Slade?

Yeah, that's right on, man.

You win the prize.

We'd like to know
a little something

about Honey Williams.

Ain't you pigs got
anything better to do

than bust strippers?

Yeah, find out who kills them.

Somebody killed Honey?

A little less than an hour ago.

Honey's dead? What happened?

That's what we're
trying to find out.

Yeah, I ain't left
this place all night.

Ask anybody.

Nobody said you did.

Miss, uh... Miss...?

Offenbecker. Linda Offenbecker.

Somebody killed her?

That's right. Well, Linda,

did you notice any of
the customers trying

to hit on her?


a broad dances for a living.

A lot of guys hit on her.

No, but Honey was gonna
be a great dancer one day.

I even took a
lesson with her once.

Where was that?


It's over on Broadway, at, um...

Nadasy's. I'm sorry?

Nadasy's. Hey.


He been here all night?

Uh... I think he was.

I was dancing
a lot of that time,


I think he was.

Somebody killed Honey?

At times like this,

you're glad your sister
didn't go into show biz.

If you're so all-fired smart,

what's a paw de toose?

Pas du tois.

Uh-huh. Not at all.


That's what it
means... not at all.

Après moi.

What does that mean?

After me.

What's the number
of those twins?


The twins.

What do you want to know it for?

You do remember it, don't you?

Sure, uh, it's 456...

No, it's 465.

Tattooed on your brain. Right.

Can I help you, gentlemen?

Yeah, sorry to interrupt you.

We'd like to ask you
a couple of questions

about one of your students,

Honey Williams.

Why, certainly. Just a minute.

Uh, ladies?

Ladies, take a break
for five minutes.


Yes, what about Honey?

I hope she's not in
any kind of trouble.

She's dead.


What happened?

She was assaulted last night,

near her apartment.

The world is becoming

a very unsafe place to live in.


Could you tell us
something about her?

She was...

she was a very promising dancer.

She was talented.
She was dedicated.

Would she have had any enemies?

Oh, I don't know.

I didn't know her that well.

She seemed like a
genuinely good person.

That's my late wife.

She died recently too.

I'm sorry.

It always seems to be
the good ones, doesn't it?

Yeah, well, uh...

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

All right, ladies,
let's resume class.

Look, Hutchinson,

I'm reading what it says
in the coroner's report

right here: death
by strangulation.

All right, what about her
neck? It was mangled.

It was like somebody had
chewed it all up, you know.

A sharp, two-pronged instrument

was driven into her jugular vein

after the victim was dead.


Traces of human saliva

found on her neck.


That's not all.

More blood was
missing from the body

than was accountable for
at the scene of the crime.

What kind of weirdo
are we dealing with here?

Look, the newspaper
and TV people

are gonna have a
field day on this one,

but I don't want
any wild speculation

from you two.

Right, Captain.

You know something?

This sounds like
the M.O. on that, uh...


Oh, yeah.

She was killed last
month on the south side.

Carol Carson.

It was on the 25th of the month.

Exactly the same M.O.,
but nothing turned up.

Look, you two
better hit the streets

and put a lid on this

before the town goes crazy.


Oh, here you go, Cap.

Oh. Why, thank you, Starsky.

This nut sounds like
he's going on a spree.

Attacked in the
middle of the night,

blood missing from her neck...

You know something?


Did you ever see any
of those vampire movies?

Oh, that's good, Starsky.

That's a very
sensible conclusion.

Can't you feel it...

the excitement, Maria?

I know.

It's not enough yet.

We'll go out again tonight.

Of all patients and
prisoners released

from psychiatric institutions

within the last two years. Yeah.

Oh, Sarah, would you get
me some more coffee, please?

Thank you.

Nobody said it was
gonna be easy, Roger.

Anybody, anyone
who's had any record

of criminal assaults
against women...

Schizophrenic delusions,
uh, blood fetishists...

Blood fetishists, Roger.

Yeah, I'll hold.

Thanks, Sarah.

What did you find
out about Slade?

Hmm. Petty theft, possession,

statutory rape...

How'd you do in research?

I got something
really fantastic.

Did you know
that the last person

to be tried, convicted, and
executed of being a vampire

was in England in 1949?

You too, huh?

I mean, this is really crazy.

I mean, this is
really lunatic time.


How about that Dracula
was named after a real person

in the 15th Century
in Transylvania?

Yeah, Roger!

Roger, I'm sorry. I
didn't mean to yell.


Look, would you also
get me a cross-check

on Honey Williams
and the other dead girl?

Find out what you can about
what they had in common.

Besides being dead, Roger.

Yeah, you're a real
comedian. You know that?

No, we are not
looking for any vampire!

Now, I suppose
you're gonna tell me

about wooden crosses
and hammers and stakes?

Well, actually, to
be most effective,

the stakes should
be made out of cedar,

But if it's a lead
we're looking for

to hit the streets with,

there is one thing

that all these books agree on.

That is, whenever
vampirism is practiced,

it is usually in connection

with the occult
and devil worship.

You just won't accept
the possibility, will you?

That there's a real vampire? No.

Then how do you explain
those two girls, huh?

I can't do that. Not now.

Yeah, well, Hutch, these
are modern times, see.

Anything is possible.

I mean, they're landing
cameras on Mars

and taking pictures.

Girls are trying out
for football teams.

Yeah, but bats do not
suckers of human blood make.

Yeah? Well, fools
and only green horns

try to predict the weather.

Starsky, that is
just plain idiotic.

You know that? Just idiotic.

Wait a second. Wait a second.

What's that around your neck?

It's nothing. Wait a minute.

It's nothing! Let me look.

Just let me look!

It's garlic.

It's garlic!

I've been known to
wear garlic lots of times.

You mean while I
was on the phone,

you actually went
down to the commissary

and you bought
yourself a clove of garlic

to protect yourself
against vampires?

I got one for you too.


Four... five.

Six, seven. Eight.

One, two, three,

four, five, six,

seven, eight.

Forward, two... three,

four, five, six, seven, eight.

Impulse back.


More, Suzette, more, more.

Good, Suzette,

beginning to look
like something.

Well, that's all right, girls.

We'll just cut it short
for today. Thank you.

Zebra Three, Zebra Three,

see the man at the Playpen Bar,

Marshall and Bundy.

Hey, Starsky. Hutch.

Hey, Hug, what you doing?

I heard on the TV news

that there's a guy
running around

thinking he's a
bloodsucking vampire

and the police can't protect us,

so people got to
protect themselves.

At $2.98 a crack?

Hey, for $7.50,

you get your complete
vampire protection kit,

complete with hammer and stake

for finishing off
the old dude...

One cross guaranteed to make

any vampire of
Christian persuasion

cringe in terror,

and one garlic wreath

for all the rest of
the denominations...

And last, but not
least, a mirror,

and if he's standing behind
you, and you can't see him in this,

it's time for feet
to do their thing.

Hug, how much
for all this stuff?

Starsk, Starsk...


Huggy, you called us.


Uh, I just thought you
might be interested.

There's a guy named Guybo
who lives on Fifth Street.


Yeah, Guybo, and he
runs a palm-reading joint,

and he's heavy into the
occult and devil worship trip.

Oh. Well, thank you very much.

Wait a sec.

Hug, how much for
the hammer and stake?

Starsky, you don't
need a hammer.

How do you know?

Use your head.


Did you see this?

Why do you think his
nose is wrapped in straw?

Oh, jeez.

Oh, Mr. Guybo?


Uh, police. Oh!

Hold that, will you?

We understand that when it comes
to devil worship and the occult,

that you are the man
to talk to, is that right?

Well, if it's the reading
about Mrs. Longello,

I will give back the money.

Uh, no, that's not
what I'm talking about.

Huggy Bear sent us over here.

He thought maybe
you could help us out.

We're looking for...

this maniac that...

draws blood off of people.

Oh. My ancestors
have spoken about this,

but it was said to have
happened many years ago.

Oh, well... How many years ago?

How about something
more recent, huh?

Well, there are some satanists.

Their leader is a
man named Seeds.


Yes, I have it on good
authority that at their ceremonies,

they stand naked
under a midnight moon

and paint their bodies
with human blood.

No kidding.

Now, where do you
find these people?

I don't know.

My people will not go near them.


Say, is it true

that you can speak
with the spirits?

But of course. That
is my profession.

Well, do you think you could...

you know, conjure up
an image of this guy,

this killer,

this maniac we're looking for?

Do you think you could do that?

Why don't you give
him a couple of bucks?

Hmm? Oh.

When the full moon
rises over the city,

the bloodsucker comes forth...

The hollowed-eyed one

with the black cape who
preys on young women.

Oh boy.

Where'd you drag
that one up from?

From the 6:00 news.

What do you expect
for a sawbuck?

A trance usually costs $30.

Starsk? You see this?

Starsk? You know
what I see in here?

I see a dark-haired moron

pretending to be
Sherlock Holmes.

Thanks, guapo.


All units,

all units in the
vicinity of 884 Bundy,

prowler reported
wearing a cape...

This is Zebra Three.
We are responding.

I got him!

Okay, get a coroner's wagon.

What happened? Where'd he go?

I don't believe it.


He flew.


He flew! It's 25
feet. Look at that.



Don't take it so hard, Count.

Anybody else?

Yeah, one more.
You got anything?

I don't know. Maybe
I got a pattern here.


Yeah. The first
girl who was killed

worked in an office on Broadway.

The second girl who was killed,

Honey Williams,

took ballet lessons in a theater

on the same block of Broadway.

And the one last night?

And the girl that
was killed last night

didn't live or work there,

But if there is some
kind of connection,

I'm gonna try her apartment.

It says here she has a roommate.

That's pretty terrific
detective work.

Yeah? How are you doing?


The last of the American heroes,

coming up.

Okay, Supergnat,
how did it happen?

The night was dark.

The wind howled
beneath the full moon...


You get the picture?


I leap from the top floor
of the apartment building.

My prey was below
me, unsuspecting.

Are you with me?


I caught her by surprise.

I was too powerful for
her to struggle away.

Okay, killer.

Jump over this chair.


Give me another chance.

Come on, give me
another chance at it.

One out of two ain't bad.

Here are your
glasses, Supergnat.


Don't you think
he's a little short

for a vampire?

That's it.

What's it?

The girl who was
attacked last night

took ballet lessons
at the same school

that Honey Williams did.


Boy, one of these days, Starsky.

Attitude ladies, attitude!

You know, if it
wasn't for that bad leg,

he could be the same
guy we saw last night.

Hello. What can I
do for you today?

Suzette Clark. Another
one of your students

was attacked and
murdered last night.

Oh, my God. In the same manner?

Afraid so. Mr. Nadasy...

three of the girls
that have been killed,

two of them have
been students of yours.

Yes, but I have
over 200 students.

Something troubling you? What?

Well, uh...

How long have you
had a bum leg like that?

You think I'm your vampire.

I hurt my leg in 1961.

I was with the
National Company then.

I mean, that's quite verifiable.

It cut short

what many people thought
was a very promising career.

Well, then you
wouldn't mind telling us

where you've been for
the last several nights.

You two could add
a new dimension

to the word "boorish."

I'm on the Board of
Governors of the City Ballet.

We had tryouts
there this past week.

I don't think I got
away on any evening

earlier than 3:00 a.m.

Now, that too is
quite verifiable.

Is there anything
further I can do for you?

Yeah, we'd like a look
at your student records.

No, I'm afraid it
would be too disruptive

for the class.

But you are welcome
to take my files with you,

if you think they'll
do any good.

That guy is a strange bird.

Yep, guess it would
be pretty stupid

to run another check on him,

what with his bum leg and all.

Yeah, well, that's why

I put the request in your name.

Thank you.

Zebra Three, come in, please.

Zebra Three, go ahead.

Your friend Slade
from Slade's Cave

has an alias, "Seeds,"

and he's been heavy
into satanic rituals

for the past six years.

We're on our way.

Did you really put that
request in my name?


Where's Slade?

Upstairs, in his room.




Where's Slade?

Well, someone's either
going in or going out.

Boy, the man is a lot of laughs.


Nice cape, huh?


Real cute.



Give us a reason.

Your alibis are all
washed up, Slade.

You got a broken-down stripper.

You got a speed
freak for a bartender...

Those are hardly
reliable witnesses.

Are you trying to frame me?


What about the blood, Slade?

I told you, it was goat's blood.

We kill goats, drain the blood.

That's not what you
tell your customers.

Look, Slade, we're
not going anywhere.

There are three girls
dead, and right now,

you stand to fall
for all three of them.

It wasn't me, man.

It wasn't.

What do you think,
I'm crazy or something?

No, everyone stands
stark naked at midnight

and paints themself with blood.

The people I got up
there for the ceremonies

were suckers.

But it was goat's blood,
man. Nothing else.

I may have told them
something different,

but it was goat's blood.

Now, wait a second.
Are you trying to tell us

this devil hocus-pocus
you sell to people

is a racket?

It's a living.

I got a bank account
with six figures.

How you doing, sweetheart?

Starsky and Hutch.

I want to see you two a minute.

Just got a report back
on that blood you got

at Slade's place.

Goat, right?

That's right.

Does this mean he's not our man?

No, but I bet 2 to
1 he knows who is.

We think he turned someone
on with that blood-devil ritual...

only whoever he turned on

turned on all the
way and flipped out.

Is he gonna sing?

I don't think so.

Not unless you were
ready to let him make a deal

with the DA.

He's in too deep.

Well, it's a little after 10:00.

What do you want to do?

Why don't you go talk to the DA,

and we'll finish up with Slade.

All right.

We're getting
closer. I can feel it.

It's exciting, isn't it, Maria?

And soon, my darling,
you'll be back with me,

where you belong.


Miss Offenbecker?


This is René Nadasy.

I was just going through

your friend Honey
Williams' locker

here at the ballet studio,

and I found some
photographs that I think will be

of great interest to you.

Photographs? What
kind of photographs?

If you're really a
friend of Mr. Slade's,

you'd better get
over here... now.

It won't be long now, Maria.

I'll start over here.

You got it.


It seems he kept pictures

of all his satanic rituals.


He's got some
important people in here.


You know who that is?


Is anybody here?

Is anybody here?


Police! Are you all right?

Wait outside.



You know something?


He almost made it.

Like Supergnat said,
"One out of two ain't bad."

Look. there.

I told you they'd be here.

Okay. Hey, look,
supposing that we're

as irresistible and suave
and debonyer as usual...


Debonyer. It's French.

Where do you
want to go after this,

your place or mine?

Oh, yeah, that's fine.

What do you mean, that's fine?

I'll go to my place.
You go to yours.

Jane and I don't like crowds.

Jane and you? You
don't even know the girl.


Do me a favor, will
you? Try to act a little...

you know.

What do you think I am, crude?

Well, I...

Hi! Hiya, Jane.

Hello, Bobette.

Hutch, no, I'm
Jane. That's Bobette.

Uh-uh-uh. I'm
Starsky. He's Hutch.

Oh, Ken and Dave, right?


No, I'm Ken. He's Dave.

Well, what's in a name, huh?

There may be a lot in a name

if you happen to be
the one the vampire bit.

Get away from me, Huggy.

Never fear, Huggy the
hoodoo man is here.

What's he talking about?

Well, you know what they say

about people who
get bitten by vampires.

Well, Huggy here
is afraid that Starsky

might turn into one.

All we have to do

is find the burned-out
hollow of a tree stump,

approach it at midnight,

and I've got everything we need.

I've got frog legs,

bat wings...

lizard tongue...

Will you go play in the yard?

Where's my lizard tongues?

Huggy, I would have
brought you mine,

except I think I left
it on the bureau.

I must have left
them in the fridge.

I'll be right back.

Take them all. Everything.

Hey, Starsky. Don't fly away.

Does he really believe all that?

Yeah, he sure does.

Isn't that the silliest
thing you ever heard?